#anyways i should probably sleep but i still need to stare at the anni art for more 3 hours or i’ll die | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

everlarkbirthdaygifts · 6 years

Text

Happy birthday, neverstopwhileyoureahead

Sorry this is a bit late, @neverstopwhileyoureahead, we hope you had a wonderful birthday yesterday! @booksrockmyface has written this story just for you!

Title: Things I’ll Never Say

Gift for: neverstopwhileyoureahead

Rated: T

Author’s note: Happy birthday! I hope this friends-to-lovers fic brings joy to your special day! (Title comes from the Avril Lavigne song of the same name.) Many tanks to thesaltywinteradult for prereading this and everything that I send her way.

________

I have drawn her a million times. From stick figures when we were kids to more detailed sketches as my abilities grew. But I always hide them where she can’t see. I can’t let her know the truth of my feelings. It would ruin everything.

“Have you heard back from college yet?” Katniss asks, taking a seat beside me.

I quickly flip to a safer sketch of a comic I’ve been toying with. “Not yet. But soon, I hope.” I look up. “You decide yet what’s next?”

“I actually… Well, Mom’s not happy, but I applied to the parks and recreation office.” She bites her lip. “What do you think?”

“I think you’d be great with that.” I say encouragingly, not wanting to talk about how much I’ll miss her.

“It’s just ground level, so I’ll probably be answering phone calls and filing paperwork.” She shrugs. “Better than the grocery store.”

“It would be better if you could come with me.” I say, almost immediately wishing I could climb under the table. “I mean, you could find something there. Or sign up for some classes. And I wouldn’t have to live in a dorm.”

“I can’t. It’s too far away from Prim.”

“Just eight hours.” I argue. “And your mom is doing so much better.”

After a pregnant pause, Katniss smiles at me and my heart soars. “Anyway, you’ll be back for Christmas, right? Helping out with the rush?”

I nod. “The cakes won’t be the same without me. Dad does a good job, but he has to run the place. Graham and Ryan haven’t ever got the hang of it.”

“I’ll make sure to tell everyone to wait for Christmas to order, then.” She let out a little laugh. “Anyway, I better get to class.” She leans over and kisses my cheek. She pauses with her face just an inch from my own. An uncertain smile plays on her lips before she straightens and walks away.

I open the sketch of her again and try to capture that smile she just gave me.

____

I stare at the envelope for several long minutes. This will seal my fate.

Katniss snatches the letter out of my hand. “If you’re not going to open it.”

Annie slips it from her fingers. “I’ll do the honors.”

Finnick grabs it from her. “No, allow me. Our Ivy Leaguer over here—”

Annie rolls her eyes. “We can’t all be geniuses, of course.”

I take the envelope back. “Okay, I’ll open the damn thing myself.” I slip my finger under the flap. I’m shaking so much that it takes a few attempts. I pull the paper out slowly. The words swim in front of me and I can’t make them focus no matter how hard I try.

And then Katniss’s arms around me with a whoop.

“I got in.” I say flatly. I look around at my friends. “I got in.” I return Katniss’s embrace, pressing my eyes into her shoulder.

“I’m going to miss you so much.” She whispers.

“We’ve still got time.” I assure her before the rest of our friends ascend.

____

The rest of our senior year passes in a blur. Katniss has started to come around more often than before. She’s worked evenings at the local grocery store since was sixteen, but she’s ended up in my bedroom through the window every night after my house is fast asleep. We usually play twenty questions or Kiss, Marry, Kill. But as the days grow fewer, things grow more serious, reminiscing about the past.

It’s the night before I’m set to leave and she sneaks into my window before I see the light shut off in the hall. She lays beside me, wrapping her arms around me with her face pressed into my shoulder. She’s clings to me.

“You’re leaving tomorrow.” She says softly, finally rolling away to stare up at my ceiling. “Your fancy art school eight hours away.”

“Well, there’s this lovely invention called a phone. Have you heard of it?” I’m trying to lighten the mood, but it’s not working for me.

She snorts and shoves my shoulder. “It’s not the same and you know it.”

“You could come with me.” I suggest, not for the first time. “We could rent an apartment together and you could find a job.”

“I have my mom and sister.” Katniss argues. Her voice begs me not to say it again.

“Prim can take care of herself. And so can your mom. You don’t have to be the savior, Katniss.”

“And what am I supposed to do for you?” She asks sharply.

I can’t answer that, so I stay quiet.

She gets up and moves to the window. “I should go.”

I grab her hand. “Don’t leave mad. I was only asking because…”

She turns around. “You leave tomorrow. I’ve already got a full-time job.”

“I know.” I let go of her hand. “I’ll call you when I get settled in.”

Katniss chews her lip a moment before she leans in for a soft brush of her lips against mine. My heart is a freight train in my chest as she pulls away. “You better come back for Christmas. And for the summer, at least a couple weeks.”

I nod. “Promise. And I expect you to come visit when you get two days off in a row.”

“I will.” She smiles and kisses me again. “Be careful out there on the road. If you get in a wreck and end up in the hospital, I’ll come and give you an arrow wound to add to it.”

I laugh. “Okay, hot shot, you better go so I can get some sleep.”

She smiles and glances back toward the bed. “Could I maybe stay?”

I rub the back of my neck nervously. “Sure. Just don’t steal all the covers.”

I climb into the bed and hold out my arms. She slides in with me. Her head comes to rest on my shoulder. She fits perfectly there.

“You should come with me.” I suggest again.

“Maybe if things keep going…” She smiles up at me. “I don’t want to be that girl that picks up everything for a boy. But I do want to spend every day I can with you.”

“We can try to meet halfway.”

“I can come see you on my days off. I’ve been working at the grocery long enough to set a better schedule. And there may be another opening at parks and rec.” She places her hand on my cheek. “We can make it work.”

I swallow against the lump in my throat. “Whatever you want.”

“I want you. I have for a long time.”

“I have too.” I brush a soft kiss against her lips. I want more, but I know I need rest for my drive the next day.

She smiles and snuggles into me with a large yawn.

We’re both asleep a few breaths later.

#everlark #everlarkbirthdaygifts #everlarkbirthdaydrabbles #everlark fanfiction #by booksrockmyface #fan fic

102 notes · View notes