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faimalogirl · 4 years

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Testing the waters... or floating in it

Dating apps... not really my thing but with the past year being life altering in addition to a pandemic, i thought, why not? lol Seriously, that’s what my answer was to many people.

I have never been a fan of online dating, or swiping right OR left on people, or blind dates but many of my friends and some family members are concerned about my love life... or lack of. But because life has thrown me curve ball after curve ball, I decided that I am going to give it a shot.

I want to be clear, I am perfectly content with being single, and feel that when it happens it happens. But for some reason other people are not, as if them being in relationships makes me feel incomplete. Couldn’t be any more true. I feel like that person in the movie, who is loving their life or at least liking it, and everyone including the dying grandma keeps trying to match her with anyone of the opposite sex, and because it’s been a while they sometimes offer to hook her up with someone of the same sex. And not that I’m offended by it but I am completely strictly dickly lol.

I have my reservations about dating apps because honestly, it’s weird. It’s scary. It’s risky due to Corona virus... and did I mention I have cancer? No? Well I do.

I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer last October, and after completing my round with radiation, I am now getting ready to have a FULL HYSTERECTOMY to remove the remaining tumor. For some reason in my mind, I feel like part of my womanhood is being taken away, so while I still have it, I figured i’d “test the water.”

Now, I know I don’t have to tell people that I have cancer but there are other things that worry me about dating. To put it kindly, people are freaking weirdos.

I have been on a few dates with different guys, and let me tell you how different things have gotten since my 20s. So for all my respectable and intelligent women/men out there wanting to try dating here are a few suggestions:

1. Doesn’t need to be said but apparently for me it does... MEET SOMEONE IN PUBLIC lol

My first date with BOY1, he offered to take me on the lake, just him and I on his little motorboat. Now as romantic and “Notebook” worthy as this sounds, I was excited. I was ready. We’ve been texting back and forth for a little over a week. But the days following up to our date got me thinking... What if I don’t like him? What if he’s crazy? And I’ll be stuck on a boat with JUST HIM, in the middle of the lake, until it’s over. So please, meet in public and not in the middle of the lake.

2. Anyone who asks you to send “sexy pics” is just asking for a quick hit it and quit it. NOT that I did it. But I was alarmed by how many d*ck pics were sent to me without request, or want (If you are into that, more power to you but that’s not something I want to see) LOL

I was texting back and forth with BOY2 who thought I’d be impressed by his “romance” through the phone. Kept asking me to send him photos every day. I didn’t mind, sending him a photo here and there of me going out, playing with my dog, or just random. I think I literally sent him three. But once the “sexy pics” requests got to be more, I told him I needed to at least know him and go on a couple of dates before any of that happened. And guess what, we went on a date, and for the most part it was fine. Then, when the insinuation that we were going to “hook up” back at his place didn’t happen for him, he became needy and kept asking “what went wrong?” or “are you mad at me?” or “why am I leading him on?” I told him I’m not that girl and he said okay. So, I ghosted him after he asked for another sexy pic, I sent him a gif of a hippo lol and left it at that.

3. Be okay with saying no. Whether it be to a date, a picture, an exchange of phone numbers or social media, it’s not your job to make someone happy when you are not comfortable.

I didn’t realize it until it happened, but when BOY3 suggested that I come lay with him after one “hello” I quickly let him know I wasn’t that easy lol. He got defensive and was just like “I just think your beautiful and I just say what I want.” Of course he used a few colorful words to get his point across. And I told him he can take his words elsewhere. Although I feel like a prune lol I also feel like woman are made to feel like we need to coddle boys who don’t know how to talk to women with respect. I mean, could you at least say “Hey how are you?” Now some people told me that’s just how people talk to each other, and I said, “well I guess I’ll be single forever.” And I don’t mind. I am not going to lower my standards, or compromise my comfort for someones lack of respect. If that’s how you want to talk, then find someone willing to put up with it. It ain’t this girl.

4. Never, and I mean NEVER stress about how you look for your profile picture. Don’t put too much stock into your filtered photos. Honestly, I put full body photos up, even though a lot of my friends said they would never do that. I put some pictures that had sc filters with the ears, or regular photos up. I put a little bit of me up.

I am a very confident woman who understands her flaws. With all my plus size happiness and glamour, I knew I was just having fun. Plus if he don’t like you sweetie, you don’t need to worry about him. Because you’ll never meet him lol. Now, with that said, sure I have my moments where I feel crappy. But I just feel if you aren’t happy with who you are, you won’t be secure in a relationship. And since I was just “testing the waters” I didn’t really care of which photos were there to be judged. Or so I thought...

BOY4 was kind and sweet. He was also a very handsome man who apparently loved big girls (his words not mine) he made me feel very comfortable. He’s 6′6, and we all know your girl is a sucker for a tall man. He was also fit in a sense that you could tell he worked out but not so much that he was ripped. I had my reservations about meeting him, because I thought I was being cat-fished lol until we exchanged numbers and sent snaps to each other before actually going on a date. We have gone on a few lunch and dinner dates here and there, still talk to each other, but I am slowly pulling away because of the last advice.

5. Know what you want and respect what others want. And always be honest about your intentions...

After talking back and forth with BOY4 and sharing things. You quickly get to know someone. Although I would never force myself or my views on someone, I expect the same respect. BOY4 started to share a little about what he wants for his future. You know, the whole finding someone to marry, travel with, and have kids...

I can’t have kids. Remember the whole living with cancer and getting ready to have a hysterectomy? For those of you who don’t know what that means, it just means, as a woman, my surgeon will be taking away my baby making machine. Now, I’ve accepted my future and I know that that’s not the only way to have a child. But I also know that these types of conversations are hard for some people to grasp. I would love to one day meet someone, get married, carry a child, but that’s just not the hand that was dealt to me. That’s also not something that I can hide from someone and trick them into understanding after they’ve developed feelings for me. So I was honest with everything... at least surface base. But we’ll see what happens from here on out...

Also, just to let you know, I’ve deleted the dating apps. It’s not for me. I know many people who’ve married people they’ve met on dating apps/sites but I just don’t think it’s something for me. Also, if I have another friend who keeps setting me up on blind dates, I am going to have to think of getting new friends lol

#shessingle #dating #datingapps #single ladies #loveyourself #real life #cancersucks

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imeugene · 7 years

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I just read this and it’s pretty interesting. The topic is out there and as much as crapstorm these things tend to be.. I lowkey like it. I’m not gonna weigh in about anything but I’ll just leave it at a story that I’ve been wanting to tell. Just never had an opportunity to do so and I think this is a way that I can and escape some responsibility. It’ll all make sense.

The Bikeguide video. It was what I was supposed to do. Bikeguide was a forum for geeks of BMX. People who measured parts with calipers and discussed the hypotheticals of BMX. It was a great community like that. I can honestly say I have fond memories of that place growing up and really enjoyed being part of it when it was still lively. With the community it fostered there was a lot of debates between people. I’d say it was the more intelligent part of BMX forums. Vital was for kids. TCUB was for try hards. 20inchnyc was for... I don’t know what it was for and the BMXBOARD was for the exclusive members of there to jerk each other off and act like its a BMX Illuminati. Bikeguide was more friendly to everyone which made it in my opinion the best forum. Yea. People took a lot of high quality pictures of their bikes but it was all in good fun and taste.

I wanted to travel and film a Bikeguide video. Not out of any type of real selfless motives but I’m Asian and my mom knows way too many kids of her friend’s who are making 100k plus and felt like I’m doing nothing. BMX has completely dominated my life at that point so I wasn’t doing anything she could understand. A Bikeguide video would seem official enough while simultaneously allowing me to the see more of the world I always wanted to do (also the same case with the only Atavism shirt I ever made and sold). Something if you read this blog enough you realize is a big part of BMX to me. Back then Bikeguide had a lively enough community to pull that off and I wanted to do it too. So I tried. I saved money and went out and filmed and traveled. They say traveling is life changing experience and it was.

I really wanted to make a Bikeguide video though. I had no plans to make it anything else. I guess I was a bit too young and naive to understand what I didn’t know would happen in the course of that four months so. I honestly came back from all that hating BMX. People acting all sorts of weird in years after, getting stolen from, played around, even a few fights, all that usual petty stuff that now I understand comes from just being a person but when it was all happening the usual moniker of a chink constantly came up. A kid who always had nothing but good experiences in BMX, I kind of grew to resent it. I rode bikes cause I didn’t wanna deal with all that which was pretty prevalent in my upbringing in Richmond, the former capitol of the Confederacy and BMX was becoming more like that. Sure I used to be pretty opinionated on Bikeguide. Have beliefs like I would on here on politics, religion and what not. It was nice cause under the anonymity of a username you truly felt like your opinions were valid because of their substance. I find a lot of times if people view you as different, especially as something as big as race than inherently they view you as bias. What person on Earth doesn’t have a race? I guess everyone is bias but that’s not how its perceived. I’m the different one and my beliefs are wrong cause I am.

I remember meeting someone and that person knew who I was through Bikeguide and I didn’t know who that person was. Maybe a lurker, maybe a prominent member I don’t know. That person would subtly gesture that he knew me and my internet history. I guess I offended him enough online to the extent he remembered and subtly made it known that he didn’t like me. Honestly he probably didn’t like my views which at the time were strong, misguided but I’d say well intentioned like most early 20 year old. I think the clinger was the fact that me being Asian was the root of all my problems, the way he put it. Something that happened a bit too much. Coming back from that trip made me hate Bikeguide and the BMX community in general. Like I said young, naive, and still misguided, a few penis jokes and chinks online and offline, typical foreigner racist jokes and what nots. Later I’m done with BMX people. I just got to a point where BMX dictated my life and that may work for some people but I always hated the notion that I’m gonna be too Asian til I prove myself otherwise. Either I have to be white enough to be in the cool like back in high school but I wasn’t gonna do that. I hung out with the weirdos and degenerates, I didn’t do it then and I sure as hell aren’t gonna do it now. That or work myself extra, cause I better make myself useful. My anime loving ass isn’t gonna do anyone’s preciously choreographed social status any better so I have to directly offer them something for their A-ok. Nah I don’t function like that either. As much as I wanted to believe that BMX is separate from the real world, it’s not. It’s just easier for me to realize cause I don’t have luxury to pretend it’s not. Cause the same crap the governs the rest of the world, governs BMX too and that’s people.

I ultimately didn’t make a Bikeguide video and I regret that a lot. I was an even more a pompous douche back then. I made Somewhere. I distinctly remember cause it’s the individuals that are all out there “somewhere” that made it all worth it. Gave out a few copies for free and put some sections through BMX UNION with Kurt. Kurt and everyone I met through Bikeguide directly were good people though and Kurt if your reading this my mom was ultimately proud to see what I wrote and put up through your site so ultimately my trip was a success. In hindsight 94% of people I met were good but there’s a way that the 6% shits on everything. I’m sure they have people they love and that love them but Hitler was also loved so that doesn’t mean much to me. I’m sure 94% of the time those people are decent people too just when they were in the presence of such greatness as myself, they couldn’t hold in their feelings of envy, jealousy, want, lust, and absolute desire to be my friend and maybe more.. and all that came out as anger. It’s ok I get it a lot ;*

But back to topic in question, honestly I can’t take either argument seriously. One used the word proletariat in a serious way and the other guy called Washington DC “the edge of the South”. Proletariat?! Seriously!? That’s the verbal equivalent of I drive a small hatchback and have a bumper sticker for every view I have. And DC is not the edge of the South. DC is one of the most multicultural friendly areas in probably all the US. Ethiopian food is literally regional cuisine. There are supermarkets for every race and culture in every other corner. Driving home from work today in the 20 minutes I saw a Christian Church that had Black Lives Matter, another Christian Church that had a rainbow flag, a Buddhist temple for Chinese people, a Buddhist temple for Cambodians, Greek Orthodox church, a Mosque, and a half dozen Korean churches for every denomination. DC had a very sordid racist history I’ll admit but it’s changed drastically since then.

The way I see the whole thing is something like this. My family has obviously never owned slaves but I don’t use the n-word. Am I tied into this system of hate? Nope. My family was picking rice somewhere thousands of miles away in the opposite direction. My race is completely uninvolved in the history that happened but I don’t use it cause it’s inconsiderate. Maybe if you’re one of my close buddies and we’ve been blasting rap music for a few hours and we’re extra hyped, I might use it as a term of endearment but never in a way of hate. I don’t make it a deal to use it or show everyone I can use it. I don’t want to justify myself in saying it’s a word and explaining why I’m not tied into all hate language if they ask. In the end I can just choose not and everyone goes their way and no one will ever make a fuss that I don’t use it. It’s just common courtesy. In 1000 years when people use the n-word as formal language they can do that but now.. it’s a heavy word that has meaning for everyone. Just cause someone like Tyler the Creator says he doesn’t care how anyone uses it, doesn’t mean it’s true for everyone. I’m not so full of myself to make it a point, do it and guess everyone’s outcome. Can you be proud of the South. Absolutely. Can you tell people who are also proud to be Southern. Absolutely. Should you make it a point and show everyone by placing something as symbolic and meaningful as a Confederate flag to everyone in a nationally advertised event in BMX. It’s bad taste. A Dale Earnhardt t-shirt would’ve sufficed. Sure BMX loves bad taste but this is a realm that is really meaningful to a lot of people and BMX is not the type of vessel for that level of a message.

I wrote a few things before that I felt was important. Things tinged in a bit of a social message. I did it cause this site is a way I have the most audience. At the time I probably had a few hundred views a month. The messages I put I felt were important cause they were messages I lacked growing up. No one writes songs about what it is to be Asian in America. Or makes movies or anything really. Outside of books, it’s just not there but I made a conscious decision to stay away from that cause this is a BMX blog and once again BMX is not the vessel for that level of message. After this post, back to the usual. Cause honestly you folks aren’t even capable of handling the message I really want to deal out muhahaha.

#bmx

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