#bc that shit gets to me soso much like break me out of an anxiety attack to ask someone to tag it get to me

[trollbreak]

Ok I can have 1 emotional post abt it today. As a treat. Um. Ghosti would hold my hand so soft abt all this. So would a lot of my guys but ghosti specifically would have the. Maybe specific feeling to it I’m feelin

#vent #um. tw animal death in these tags. big heads up #gonna pad out the text a bit so u don’t have to see it without clicking the readmore #bc I don’t really touch on death and grief really beyond as passing as possible most of the time #bc that shit gets to me soso much like break me out of an anxiety attack to ask someone to tag it get to me #so #um #also um. abuse tw? not physical but still #my dads a piece of shit. and his wife is a piece of shit. and I can’t be around them without my fight or flight kicking in much less be at #their house where I was having weekly breakdowns and #like refuse to admit that maybe the trauma they gave me for the sake of not being embarrassed maybe wasn’t entirely my fault stubborn asses #um. they were rarely kind to me. and even more rare to the dogs. I’ve been nicer to my dogs than they have to their kids for years. #um. my dad texted me today that. the dog I grew up with. that was such an anchor while living with them. she died today. so um. im kind of. #dealing to the best of my ability. and that includes a lot of passive work to fill the periods when im too exhausted to think. and to keep #my hands busy when the pendulum swings the other way and im crying. god I forgot how much that shit gives me headaches btw. but um. she went #as easy as she could’ve dad said she went in her sleep so there’s at least that #but um. my god #80% chance im not sleeping in my bed tonight bc. my dogs im living with now. they’re gettin up there in years too. and I. can’t deal with #the spiral my anxiety is trying for on that front. but being with them feeling they’re still breathing is. helping. #so. that’s why I’ve been. in a state today. I genuinely can’t tell how easy or hard it is for other folks to tell but. yeah #I can’t do character stuff rn but I can draw every now and then and if I can’t work with pre-existing characters I can at least make some #for y’all. so