#because i cant wear a binder (because of the same disability that causes me to need an extra semester longer for uni i am so close to the

[riverofrainbows]

I want to look like a boy so bad its lowkey ruining my life

#tw i am venting in the tags so read with warning if you're not in the headspace for that #own post #trans #dysphoria #i want t so bad but i cant until I'm done with uni to not ruin my state exam with transphobia and i kind of have to get top surgery first #because i cant wear a binder (because of the same disability that causes me to need an extra semester longer for uni i am so close to the #end of my degree) #and top surgery might also take time #and then t comes with a ton of requirements in my stupid transphobic country so it might take even longer #and there is a law in the making to make informed consent possible (and changing your name and gender marker without two evaluations and a #court case) but it'll probably take two more years and there is always the risk of them taking it to the next election period and fucking #everything up because we all know politicians never hold their promises #and i am so burnt out all i want is to sleep #i have been alone at home for a week and i realised i need so much more alone time than i thought as soon as i got used to it I started #having meltdowns going to the grocery store this is so stupid #and i could talk to my parents about it but what could they do? help me process my emotions? dont be ridiculous #they love me so much and support me in everything but they know jack shit about helping me with my emotions #so now i am emotionally neglected while having loving parents bc they were emotionally neglected and never fucking figured it out #which they should have #before popping out a kid #and i should go to bed because this is very much a 'dont trust your emotions after midnight' moment #but i am currently sobbing uncontrollably so that is not very practical