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therealbattleangel · 2 years

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MASTERLIST

(Requests are Closed!)

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- Klitz (The Girl Next Door)

First Day News - Klitz x GN!Reader (LINK)

Klitz goes to his English class on his first day and is welcomed by a new student

Relationship Headcanons - Klitz x GN!Reader (LINK)

What I imagine dating Klitz would be like

The Frosting Incident - Klitz x F!Reader (LINK)

Matt somehow talked his three friends Klitz, Eli and Y/N to go along with him to the porn convention to try again with Danielle.

Film Day? - Klitz x F!Reader (+ a little Eli) (LINK)

Eli is hanging out with Klitz and Y/N when Klitz asks him how his career of a porn director was and Eli informs him that he was having issues to which Eli then suggests an idea to Klitz and his girlfriend, Y/N.

Finals Week - Klitz x GN!Reader (LINK)

It is Finals week and Klitz is stressing himself out by studying like his life depended on it. Y/N could only think of one thing to get him to take a break.

Prom Night - Klitz x F!Reader (LINK)

Y/N is best friends with Klitz, Eli and Matthew and they manage to talk Y/N into going to prom along with them.

Klitz x Soft Aesthetic!Reader Headcanons (LINK)

Headcanons of what a relationship with Klitz would be if you have a soft aesthetic

Summer Heat - Klitz x F!Reader (LINK)

Y/N, Eli, Klitz and Matthew are hanging out on the hottest day ever. So hot that Y/N decides to take off her shirt

- Dwayne Hoover (Little Miss Sunshine)

Halloween Costumes - College!Dwayne Hoover x F!Reader (LINK)

It is Halloween and Dwayne and his girlfriend Y/N are getting ready.

- The Riddler (The Batman 2022)

Late Night Waitress - Dano!Riddler x F!Reader

Chapter One (LINK)

Chapter Two (LINK)

Edward shows up late one night to his favorite diner and while there, he meets a new puzzle he wants to solve

Creepy Stalker Guy - Dano!Riddler x GN!Reader (LINK)

Edward has always found Y/N beautiful, especially when they sleep. But one of these nightly trips over to Y/N’s apartment ended badly... Or did it?

A Good Show - Dano!Riddler (Edward Nashton) x F!Reader (LINK)

Edward has slowly become obsessed with Y/N to the point that he put cameras all over her apartment so he could watch her all the time. But one night he realizes there is another thing he could use those cameras for.

- Brian (Fast Food Nation)

A Frozen Coffee - Brian x GN!Reader (LINK)

Y/N realizes after a late day of work, they need some fuel. So they stop at Mickey’s but while there, a group of jerk jocks start making Y/N very uncomfortable, leading Brian to help the only way he knows how.

The Partner Project - Brian x GN!Reader (LINK)

Y/N was always rather quiet and kept to themselves. Brian hated almost all humans and despised school. What happens when they are put together for a partner project?

Quiet Time - Brian x GN!Reader (LINK)

Y/N has always been a very quiet person, always staying to themselves. That was until they met Brian, who felt the same way. But for some reason, they both felt comfort in each other.

- Eli Sunday (There Will Be Blood)

Stupid Man - Eli Sunday x F!Reader (LINK)

How does Eli's wife, Y/N, coming back home home covered in dirt and mud?

- Alex Jones (Prisoners)

The Beginning (Headcanons) - Alex Jones x GN!Reader (LINK)

Alex’s mother decides, shortly after the events of Prisoners, to get Alex Jones a helper to stay with him and help him get to a better place. That is where you come in (PURELY PLATONIC)

Shopping Day - Alex Jones x GN!Reader (LINK)

Y/N has been working as Alex's live-in caretaker for a while now and today, they need to go to the grocery store.

- Jay (Okja)

Jay's Meltdown - Jay (Okja) x GN!Reader (LINK)

Y/N is Jay's partner and they like to take care of the members of ALF, acting as a sort of nurse for them. But what happens when K gets beat up and kicked out by Jay?

- Brian Wilson (Love and Mercy)

Wouldn't It Be Nice - Brian Wilson x F!Reader (LINK)

One day, Y/N's boyfriend Brian comes home early to show her a song that they had just finished, telling her to listen to the lyrics.

- Pierre Bezukhov (War and Peace)

Count Bezukhov - Pierre Bezukhov x F!Reader (LINK)

Pierre just inherted his dead father’s fortune which includes his extravagant estate. The estate also came with the workers that were already working there before his father’s death. One of those workers was a beautiful maid by the name of Y/N.

An Arranged Marriage - Pierre Bezukhov x GN!Reader (LINK)

Unbeknownst to Pierre and Y/N, their respective parents arranged them to marry even though Y/N is still angry at Pierre for leaving them without letting them know how he was.

Hard Time Adjusting - Pierre Bezukhov x F!Reader (LINK)

Pierre had only been married to Y/N for about a week when she has another sleepless night and confesses to Pierre that she is having a hard time adjusting to the rich lifestyle. But Pierre knows how to make it all better.

- Percy Dolarhyde (Cowboys and Aliens)

The Bar Owner’s Daughter - Percy Dolarhyde x F!Reader

Chapter One (LINK)

Chapter Two (LINK)

A very drunk Percy discovers a fellow drunk who is hitting on the bar owner’s daughter, the same woman who Percy is in love with.

His Return Back - Percy Dolarhyde x F!Reader (LINK)

When Percy comes back to earth, his wife Y/N is unbelievably happy. But when she realized that Percy has forgotten who she is as well as who he is, something has to change.

- Nick Flynn (Being Flynn)

You Look Beautiful - Nick Flynn x F!Reader (LINK)

Y/N never really went to bars. But it was at a bar that she met Nick and that night turned out to be one of the best nights of her life

- Joby Taylor (For Ellen)

The CD Shop - Joby Taylor x GN!Reader (LINK)

It was just like any other day working at the CD shop for Y/N before a mysterious rocker comes in and “rocks” their world.

The Bar Gig - Joby Taylor x F!Reader (LINK)

Joby had another performance with his band at a crappy bar when he bumps into the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.

- Thaddius (The Ballad of Jack and Rose)

The Treehouse - Thaddius x GN!Reader

Part One (LINK)

Part Two (LINK)

Y/N sees classmate and friend Thaddius smoking once again outside of the school. After a brief talk, Thaddius asks Y/N if they want to see something cool.

- Louis Ives (The Extra Man)

An Off Day - GN!Louis Ives x Transmasc!Reader (LINK)

Y/N had a long day at work and comes home to see his partner, Louis, crying in front of a mirror.

Beautiful Red Dress - Louis Ives x GN!Reader (LINK)

Louis has always wanted to wear a dress but he is scared that his desire will end with Y/N, his partner, leaving him. But he can’t keep the secret for much longer.

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aldrovanda · 8 months

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It's been a weird year in retrospect

Not a bad one, though I have had to deal with some unfortunate, frustrating shit.

But a year ago to the day, I started a new job after walking out of my old one.

I had already given my notice, and was actually on my last day when I walked out. I walked out because I was injured, had been for over a month, because I'd been at this kennel for 7 years absolutely destroying my body and my mental health, and my manager wanted me to do a task that would only have made it worse on the basis of "your doctors note said minimal walking, but this would just be standing in place"

Which first off, no the fuck it wouldn't have been, that task required walking back and forth over three levels of variously textured terrain that also put me right in the path of several dozen running dogs who were all 50 pounds or kore, and second, she was a petty, awful bitch because of course if I shouldn't be walking I shouldn't be standing and putting weight on the injury for up to 30 minutes either. But who knows, maybe benefit of the doubt would be that she was actually that stupid and thought that's what my doctor's note meant, and not just malicious.

But either way, I refused. I refused, she called me insubordinate, and threatened me by saying that if I refused this task it meant they could get my worker's comp for the injury canceled because I was refusing work. So I walked away. I thought about it. I walked out.

I've been at this new job for a year. It's really different, since it's office work and I've only ever done blue collar before. But I don't dread going in to work. If I want to stay home it's just because I'm tired and not because I feel like I'm going to have a meltdown. It's the little things like every other week or so one of my bosses will bring in cookies from the grocery store just so we can have a treat. We dismiss clients who are awful to deal with instead of sucking it up and nodding along as we're ten dogs overbooked and understaffed. I'll need to start planning the office Halloween potluck soon.

I got injured again at this new job a few months ago. Same injury, same spot. I wasn't asked if I could just finish out the shift anyways. I was asked what I needed to do to recover.

A year ago I was terrified and desperate, certain that if I wasn't perfect I would be let go and have to scramble for another job search, or worse, go crawling back to the kennel.

I've got my first yearly review tomorrow. I'm nervous, but that's just because I'm always kind of anxious. Yesterday I asked one of the managers if he would be alright if I delayed a quick meeting with him about a project so I could go rescue two lizards from a trap, and my boss just laughed and said that was sweet of me.

There are cacti clippings my parents sent me from their garden in a row of little pots in the office's biggest window.

Today I noticed for the first time that they've finally started to grow.

#just thoughts #thoughts and cacti serving as an on the nose metaphor for my life apparently

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aphantasia-culture · 2 years

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just found this account and as a community starved aphantasiac (i made a whole ass post about it on my blog sometime last month i think) i was so excited to see people having conversations about it here!

i'm a generally creative person and love DnD, so i'm sure i will inevitably send in future asks about how aphantasia affects me in those regards but like, omg the driving directions thing in your topic suggestion post—like, that and having a shitty autobiographical memory have probably been the biggest issues for me in trying to navigate the world while having aphantasia.

i've lived in the same city my entire life (except for college), and i can't tell you where jack or shit is. spoken directions mean nothing to me. i know how to get to like, five places from my childhood home without google maps and that's it, and most of those are walkable distances with only one or two turns. the other ones, i could not actually give you the directions to unless i'm on the road. it literally took me until months after getting my driver's license to realize that two grocery stores i'd been going to for literally a decade were right across the street from each other and also just a block from a strip mall that's just a block from my great grandma's house—and when i excitedly shared this revelation with my parents, they teased me about it because yeah, obviously those places are all close together, how have you never noticed that before?

not being able to form mental maps made me so self conscious growing up, like, a friend's parent would try to take me home from an event and i couldn't tell them how to get to my house even though every other kid could direct the parents to their house, and it crushed my little perfectionist heart that i was so bad at something everyone else did so easily? and then i found out about aphantasia and while thinking about it one day i was like, oh, i'm not actually stupid, i'm just operating at a severe disadvantage in this arena! i literally cannot access the cheat code everyone else uses to make this so easy! it was such a huge relief 😮‍💨

i could probably go on but this is already a very long ask. if you have similar struggles and want to just bitch about them with someone for awhile, my inbox is open! :)

Yesssssss send all the DND asks. Struggling to explain what I needed help with to be able to play DND is part of the reason I created this blog.

I can't drive any newish places without a GPS, and I've been in and out of this area my whole life. I can't even get to the library without gps even tho I've been there before, bc it is surrounded by one way streets and that is just too much for me to keep track of mentally.

I've lost appointments to new places bc they didn't have a map of their college campus size facilities, and no matter what I said, they couldn't understand that Google maps wouldn't be enough.

I had the worst meltdown I've had in years just trying to vote, back in August, bc of how convoluted the organization of voting places is. I ended up wandering around in 3 different places all across town for almost 2 hours only to end up at a place that was 5-6 blocks from my apartment.

I am constantly surprised at how close things are together. Like everything is separate in my mind. Like unless they have the same street on their address, or I have to regularly go to both on the same trip, I will not make the connection.

I have a sneaking suspicion that many of my family has aphantasia but I'll probably never tell them bc that would mean talking to them again.

But like probably almost half, bc it was just common sense that certain people could not be trusted with finding their way anywhere, and so would be at least 20 minutes late to everything. These family members would be described as

"they couldn't find their way out of a paper bag. the light at the end of the tunnel would confuse them as to which way was out"

So yeah, I'm starved for aphantasia community too.

#aphantasia #aphantasia culture

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beansnpeets · 2 years

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The more I think about it, the less I think I can work a proper full time job. I've never been able to do it without burning out. The longest I was at a job was just shy of 2 years and I left because of shit with my ex and I moved, but at the same time I was in major burnout, due to both the job and also my ex, and every other job after that I have burnt out within like 6 months or less and I just can't do it. Gonna come back to this post later so I can discuss it with my doctor when I have my appointment.

First job at 18: hardware store. Hated it. Was so stressed and burnt out, only worked there for like 9 months. Coworkers were mostly nice, but some were rough to deal with. Expected to constantly be bustling and I was exhausted.

Went to uni for a year: did well academically, didn't feel like it was for me. Stressed. Felt lost and like I had no clue what I was supposed to be doing. Taking random courses to see what I wanted to do, but nothing felt right.

Did photography school: was depressed all year, going through a lot of shit between 2 abusive relationships. Got booted from the program a week before graduation because my grade in ONE class was just below what they wanted.

Worked at previous hardware store again, temporary while they renovated: clashed pretty bad with the store manager, he was a dickhead, requested to be moved to the gas station after the temp position was done.

The gas station: was there for a month and quit because I thought I was moving back home, instead moved to BC.

Grocery store: was a cashier for 3 months, hated that, mentally exhausting, can't stand in one place all day like that, they moved me into the bakery, was there for almost 2 years. My ex developed a coke addiction and cheated on me with my best friend/coworker, he was also a drunk. He had been emotionally abusive and gaslighting me and I was so out of it, I started to forget to pan special orders all the time, baker tried to get me canned, I ended up leaving, but I was the assistant manager when I left.

Worked at a giant tiger: was there for 3 weeks, had a meltdown in the bathroom after a customer accused me of being racist because I asked him to go to the next till because mine was closed because it was my lunch break, but the white lady behind him wasn't listening and came through my till and I kept trying to leave, but nobody saw the "closed" sign and my manager came by and told me not to tell customers to go to another till and to just ring them through and leave when I was done, but the issue being people kept lining up and I ended up going for my lunch an hour late. Rolled my truck on the way home and quit via text the next morning.

My first office job: worked at the RM office for 3 months, tried desperately to do well and fit in, but things just didn't work out in my favour and the lady I was supposed to replace changed her mind and didn't leave and everyone treated me like I was stupid and targeted me constantly for every tiny thing. They fired me right after I started paying for the benefits package. Dick move tbh.

Another grocery store: worked in the bakery decorating cakes and doing morning shift. It suited me fine for the most part, I liked the consistent hours, but was too tired after work to do anything at home, just like every other job I've had. No energy for chores or even fun stuff. Just tired. Worked there for about 9 months, new department manager, she changed my hours and had me on all sorts of random shifts, was different every day and every week. Quit because she refused to follow my availability or hear me out at all.

Another gas station: the kiosk kind. Super laid back and chill. Boss was dope. Spent a lot of time just hanging out, wasn't busy. 6 months in got robbed and it was all downhill from there. Was scared and anxious and uncomfortable. Could no longer stand how customers treated me like a cigarette dispensing robot. They wouldn't say hello or please or thank you. Lasted another 6 months, covid hit and I quit.

Went back to uni: wanted a career and to get out of retail. Made it 3 terms in and burnt out. Failed a marketing course and panicked and quit the program.

And here we are today. I am the animal control officer for my RM and I am seasonal public works. I hardly work any hours, but the politics of the animal control job have been driving me absolutely batty and I want to scream at the CAO every time I have to talk to her. She was also my boss at the office job I had. She's impossible to work with. She constantly ignores boundaries. I don't wanna do the job. Like I need the money, but I wanna quit anyway, it's miserable. I certainly don't want to be public works, but, again, I need the money and animal control doesn't pay enough to live off of. Hell, even WITH public works it isn't enough since I hardly get hours.

I felt like I needed to lay it all out to look at later when I talk to my doctor, maybe to discuss possibly getting me on disability because I can't work a full time job. I can't work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. It's just too much and retail makes me wanna die, but I can't get into anything else. I can't go back to school, I've tried 3 times and every time it doesn't work out. I'm tired all the time. ALL THE TIME. Even though I've been basically off work and school for MONTHS now I am still tired all the time. Everything feels exhausting and BORING. I'm stressed out and I shouldn't be. It sucks.

#personal #this is long and more for me to look back at later #so like dont worry about it lmao

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dontpunchdogs · 4 months

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thoughts for today ! under a read more bcos it got long. yelling into the void.

ive always been hard to deal with - too sensitive to sounds, lights, temperature, texture, easily hurt by words, easily overwhelmed by other people, easily feeling left out among friends, too annoying, too loud but too quiet, needing too much reassurance, needing to feel wanted, needing needing needing. ive known this a long time. ive heard it from my parents countless times, had friends say they only hung around me out of pity, had partners say i was the most supportive partner theyd ever had; yet i need too much, my feelings are too confusing or too hard to consider, "i knew youd be upset but i didnt want to tell you and make you more upset" again and again and again.

no matter how small i tried to be, how light of a burden i made myself, its really never enough. i dont get what i need, my patience is worn thinner and thinner, and "suddenly" i snap. "suddenly" i disappear. as though there werent signs. as though i hadnt been begging for someone to care. as though i havent put others feelings and comfort above my own for years, been intentional, been thoughtful, been honest (in fairness, honest about everything besides the extent to which id been hurt) and made it clear how i love and how i want my efforts to be reciprocated.

i'm tired of it. i always thought i shouldnt live if nobody cared about me enough to pick me first. thats all ive ever wanted, really. someone to walk in a room full of people they care for and choose me out of everyone. someone who id choose over anything, even my own comfort when reasonable, and to know they'd do the same. just one person, and then i can handle everyone else letting me down, just one person, please, just one, one person, please, for once, just once.

i always find myself so fucking disappointed. maybe my standards are too high - the fact no one can meet me there makes me sad, but the idea of lowering my standards made me sadder. i can take disappointment, a lot of it, and i don't expect perfection. sometimes you cant give even 50% of your energy. sometimes you need to pick someone else. sometimes you need to pick a friend over a partner, or yourself over anyone else. but i cant handle the degree to which people constantly ignore my needs, or disregard them to indulge their wants.

im trying to rewire my brain now! im going to live, whether someone picks me or not. im going to care for others as much as i can, as hard as i can, but im going to limit those who disturb my peace. im going to put myself first, often as i can, or at least as often as id put others. i know what i need, and id do it for someone else - why not do it for me? why continue trying for people who cant be assed? why continue trying when im just difficult and draining?

today i had an overstimulating day at work. i still went to the grocery store, as id planned, because i needed to. when i drove home, i felt like id have a meltdown. instead i made myself laugh by seeing just how many bags i could carry at once. something stupid and simple, but i felt like i was good company. i put everything away. i made my lunch for tomorrow. i tried a new tea that i picked out and actually finally found one i liked. i ran a hot bubble bath. i washed my hair, my back, my body as though i was someone i loved. and i felt loved.

it was really nice. im holding onto that joy.

ive realized just how much pain other people tend to put me through. why, then, should i hinge my right to my life on my relationship with others?

im going to live. fuck anything else. fuck everybody whos ever made me feel like a fucking burden. if its soooo hard dealing with me, imagine fucking being me. i deserve so much better.

#howling #aghhhhghhhb #goodnight #💛

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sinnershavesoulstoo · 11 months

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I've slept nearly 12 hours because of my fucking brain

And I'm still tired af

I just want the damn thing to let me function properly

I'm so concerned I'm going to be on my period and miserable when I finally get to go on vacation

And if not that, I'm worried I fucked up my work relationships because I'm constantly having meltdowns lately

Because I'm fucking stupid

This happened when I worked at the grocery store and its happening now

And it's hard to fucking explain to people

Mostly because i don't get it either.

The thing with The MM, is literally the same thing as The SM. I feel guilty and like i can't say no? But do I want to say no? Probably. But I don't necessarily want to say yes - that's where it's fucky. I don't want to say yes or no. I just like the attention in the beginning, but when it gets too serious and there could be bigger repercussions...that's when this whole brain shit starts up. And it's like when it's just my secret it is fine. When nobody knows it feels fine. But once people know...then i feel dirty and cheap. Even though I'm not technically doing anything wrong. I still feel like I'm doing something wrong. What emotion is that? Guilt? Shame? Where is it coming from?

I just wish I could go back to the brain I had 2 weeks ago. I wish it could be that easy. I don't want to be like this. I feel like everything good leaked out of my brain yesterday. It's just like...I felt numb yesterday and today it's no better. It's usually better.

Like. Okay. Sunday I tried on a skirt and that was the tipping point for sure. I felt uncomfortable and hated how it looked, so that spiraled into hating myself. Then I started thinking about everything I've done that I hate. Then I started making connections. And the things I hated, I'm still doing. I just want to be able to deal with this and truly, truly, truly - I don't want Lampy to be upset with me. Which is dumb. That that's what this comes down to.

When I go on vacation, who is to say when i come back they won't see that it's better without me in their department. I'm concerned about that a lot lately. I'm just overthinking and over worrying.

#personal #the void

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isotextures · 1 year

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on processing/growth

A sort of birds-eye view reflection I’ve had during this whole process has been gaining a new understanding for/acceptance of the way I deal with my emotions. I’ve always been someone who’s first reaction to difficult life events is a sort of numbness. My first reaction is to dodge or subdue my feelings. I think it probably has something to do with having grown up in a household where my emotional reactions to things as an (admittedly) pretty anxious child were quickly hushed or dismissed by my parents/grandparents, who have always loved me deeply, but see intense emotions as a sort of inconvenience. This is partially due to the fact that it was inconvenient –– not to dismiss myself, of course, but I was always the one having a huge, unhinged meltdown in the grocery store, making us pull over the car, throwing things in my room, etc. This is not to make excuses (I was literally a child after all, lol) but to say that I don’t view this as being a “failure” in their parenting or something. I think that they all grew up in environments where not being able to “just push through” difficult times was seen as a weakness, and leaving a dinner party to tend to your kids' meltdown was seen as “giving them too much leash.” Again, not excuses, and there’s definitely another end of that spectrum, but I think it’s helpful to understand the full picture of the way this behavior develops (for me at least). It helps me to not demonize them, or myself, for having this reaction.

This is also to say that when it comes to processing emotions, I find myself trying to immediately stop myself from feeling That Feeling, be it with making tons of social plans to throwing myself into my work or over exercising or indulging in consistent weekend benders (and being hungover enough during the week that my emotional problems feel far away). This is followed by me hitting The Wall –– sometimes it takes only days, sometimes it takes months and months. But at some point my body gives up on my mind and I find myself extremely ill, fatigued, or broke (or all of the above). Upon realizing what just happened, it all surfaces at once, and I feel extremely overwhelmed with emotions. I can’t stop talking about how XYZ made me feel ABC, and immediately follow this up with tons of self flagellation for not realizing this all earlier. I feel stupid and embarrassed for looking down my nose at the person who’s spending months in bed crying over their loss, and suddenly feel like I have to mimic the worst parts of that reaction by letting my emotions run wild. And for what? To prove to people that I do actually feel things? To prove to myself that I can? To balance out this emotional equation that I literally just made up? The anger at myself for my feverish period of distraction often takes over the actual feeling of sadness, disappointment, fear, etc. itself, and when the anger subsides, I’m like, “okay, processing over I guess!”

But this breakup has honestly been different. It feels like I only came to this point and only made the choices I made because I knew I was ready, and all of my work has finally paid off.

To the outsider who’s breakup calendar started the day we officially ended things, I’m sure I still appear like I’m running with this whole “lets-party-and-go-on-tinder-and-pretend-to-be-happy” narrative that has been a part of my emotional process in the past. But I’m finally able to look back and give myself some damn credit. There were months, months of grief and unhappiness prior to this end of my relationship. I look back and read journal entries and look at photos and it’s so visible to me that I was feeling grief, that I was spending hours in bed, that for months before I actually ended the relationship I was deeply sad, I just didn’t realize it at the time. It was happening in smaller bits, day by day, just enough to be felt but not big enough to be named.

It wasn’t until the final breaking point that I realized I had already moved on. It wasn’t until I walked in the door one Sunday afternoon and felt the relief of being alone that I got my clarity and realized what I had been processing little by little over time. I was able to name it, hold it, touch it, and act on it.

My behavior in the month since (almost to the date and hour), has been characterized by this overwhelming relief, euphoria, self-love, independence and joy. And again, I could feel the way that people questioned this behavior, wondered why I wasn’t more sad. I could feeeeeeeel words like “manic” or “insensitive” at the tip of peoples’ tongues. Or, sometimes, I felt like people were looking past my behavior and all the way towards the other end of the emotional spectrum, giving me pats on the back, telling me to “fuck ‘em,” encouraging me to swing towards this “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood caricature of a woman going through a breakup. And this feels completely inaccurate, too. Because my happiness wasn’t coming from the fact that he was gone or some excitement to sleep around or whatever people were thinking. It was coming from this place of deep personal pride that for the first time in my entire life I was able to see myself for myself. I was able to connect the dots between my body and my thoughts and my emotions and give myself what I needed. I felt like I was celebrating the fact that I was finally able to show up for myself. I was choosing to celebrate my agency and my depth, rather than punish myself for not following some made-up rules of emotional processing.

And in the last month, there have been plenty of events that I’m sure my more critical side could frame as “indulging in distractions” –– going out with friends, feeling entirely absorbed in visits with my family, throwing myself into the wild chaos of Carnaval in Barranquilla. But I see the word “distraction” and raise you a “reminder.” I have taken every opportunity to remind myself of all of the beauty, joy and dimension that exists in the world outside of a romantic relationship and celebrate the fact that I’ve chosen those things over continuing to live in a reality where I ignore my own unhappiness out of some “obligation” to keep things running smoothly.

So now, in the quietness of this city after Carnaval and in my first real period of deep rest since ending things, my heart has started to make space to feel a new sadness. One not as sharp and painful and chaotic as what I felt in the months leading up to this breakup, but one that is more deep and dull. I’ll see an old picture of us on vacation or in our apartment by the lake and be immersed in the memory of just how fucking good that all felt for so many years, and then open my eyes and see the doorway where we stood and scream-cried at one another. I’m reminded of the ugliness we brought out in one another in those final weeks, the terrifying feeling that things we spiraling far out of our control. The whiplash between these memories fills me with this intense sense of emptiness, of missing something that slipped through my fingers like the sands of time. I’m realizing just how much of my young life has been fiercely tired to a love that not everyone will get to experience, a love that felt like forever, but somehow wilted over anyways, no different than anything else on this earth that lives and breaths.

This all amounts to having a pretty hard time answering when people ask me how I’m doing, or what happened, or how it’s been going. It’s even harder when I can tell they’re asking those questions with their response already in mind, like they can’t wait to express their pity or suggest I get out there and sew my oats. But for the first time in my life, I don’t really care that my answer fits nowhere in the suggested framework of How You Should Feel About Your Breakup. Every single day I feel more capable of just saying, “I’m doing alright, and you?” with the knowledge that whether I am standing alone at the top of a mountain or crying in the shower, I Am In The Present, I’m backing myself, and I’m taking deep breaths. I’m looking at all of the aspects of my life and the world around me with new meaning, with new depth, and am excited to see where that takes me, for better or for worse.

And most of all, I’m grateful to myself –– for feeling sad, for feeling lonely, for feeling elated, angry, confused and relieved. Because for the first time in so long I’m allowing myself to sit down and feel the depth of each of these emotions, understanding more and more each day about how they shape myself and everyone I know.

You could say everything is on a spectrum, but I feel like it’s more of a mosaic –– scattered, non-linear, and complex –– every single tile a world unto its own for us to revel in and come to know.

0 notes

exfriends · 2 years

Text

tw for internalized ableism

partly in seeking out a diagnosis i'm thinking about ways to kind of break apart that internalized ableism i have and the absolute dread in the pit of my stomach that comes with the idea that i might ACTUALLY be autistic, and that was the stupid missing piece to the puzzle that, if only i got help earlier, i wouldn't have made as many mistakes in my life

like for the longest time my mental image of autism was very centered in the high support needs category, mostly because my only exposure had been helping out with care for my neighbors as a teenager--and their child was nonverbal and needed a lot of assistance. obviously since learning more and becoming a mental health worker that definition has expanded, but when it comes to thinking about myself i feel really critical and that i'm not "that bad" so i don't need help (obviously not the best way to say it but please)

yesterday when talking to my husband about it he said something that sort of threw me off, and it was "like, you don't want to be autistic, but if you get the diagnosis you can get accomodations"

and its like. yeah bro. i don't want to be autistic. but in realizing that the things that help "low support need" autistic adults really help me--why wouldn't i want the official diagnosis that would open the door to me getting more help? like doing intensive research on autism and how it presents in females and how it's so frequently overlooked--it fills in the gaps for every weird thing that's happened to me in my life.

the yearly meltdowns - timed when the seasons change, as a teenager i would become suicidal, as an adult that looked like changing jobs, hospitalizations, radical life changes due to complete and utter misery that was really just autistic burnout!!!!! the whole time!!!!

the lack of sustained friendships & the complete BLOWOUTS of my friendship circles when i did have more "proximity friendships" because maintaining friendships is exhausting and my sense of humor is terrible and i insult people by accident all the time

my difficulty in day to day life--fixation on time, money, the fixation on rules (feeling that people should follow the rules they try and impose on others, getting caught up when things don't match the social contract i was provided with) trying to figure out where i stand with people, not understanding nuance

and i have sensory needs that have become more apparent since leaving my family home. i "shut down" for about an hour every day based on how much social interaction i have. i get pISSED OFF at the grocery store because everything is too loud and wearing headphones is like, the only thing that helps me calm down. i listen to things constantly with my headphones even when i'm at home because silence freaks me out--like. i love being home. i hate going places unless its planned and i need to know what the general timeline is to doing things when i do go out.

obviously i'm putting a lot of eggs in this basket. i may not even get the diagnosis i'm looking for because unfortunately, i won't get the consideration i need in regards to getting this diagnosis.

my ability to function socially (making phone calls, eye contact) greatly improved in college due to just throwing myself in places, making mistakes, and getting better at it. my job is LITERALLY talking to people all day long and paying attention to my body language, their body language. obviously i do a really fucking good job at pretending i'm normal because i've accidentially studied it for 5 years!! they're not going to consider that since college i've had a breakdown every single year and have been unable to maintain the same position in a job for more than a year straight due to freaking the fuck out!

so overall idk what this will bring, if its worth it to even go down this road, but putting the pieces together has sure been interesting

0 notes

the-bau-quinjet · 3 years

Text

Round 1: Fruit Snacks

Bucky x reader

Summary: Steve, Sam, and Bucky try to prank you. Emphasis on try.

Warnings: none, well I guess manipulative crying? but in a funny way...

Word Count: 1384

a/n: my inspiration for this? A box of fruit snacks. What am I doing with my life?

Masterlist

You love fruit snacks. You've even made a definitive ranking of the best brands. Scooby snacks were the clear winner, but hard to find at the grocery store sometimes.

When Scooby Snacks were unavailable, you went for Welch's. Mostly because they came in a 96 pack and three out of five flavors were pretty good.

Whenever you're feeling sad or upset in any way, your go to is a bag of fruit snacks.

There was one especially tough day when you opened the bag only for it to be full of only orange and grape.

You burst into tears in the kitchen.

All this to say, it's become very clear to everyone in the house that you always have fruit snacks hidden somewhere in the kitchen.

You used to keep them in your room, but then you started eating way too many, so you moved them to the kitchen.

You hid them because, although you were willing to share, nobody would ever tell you when they were taking the last bag.

There's nothing quite like the minor inconvenience of reaching into the box for a bag of fruit snacks, and then having it be empty. It really ruins a day.

So, when you went into the kitchen for a bag of fruit snacks, and all of your hiding places were empty, you were perturbed to say the least.

Bucky, Sam, and Steve were sitting around the island, watching as you looked in seemingly random cabinets and containers.

You huffed angrily, moving to check the one of the last spots they could be. It was you're holy grail of hiding places.

You opened the freezer drawer, pulling out a box of plant based burgers. Under that box was a another box, this time of sugar-free, dairy-free, fat-free ice cream bars.

You opened the ice cream bar box, tipping it over to empty the contents onto the counter.

The ice cream slid across the island, but no fruit snacks came out of the box.

You took a deep breath, trying not to scream. You really just needed fruit snacks right now, and there appeared to be none anywhere.

You refused to make eye contact with any of the guys, knowing it would set you off. Instead, you collected the nasty ice cream bars, dumping them into the trash.

ou really wished they tasted good, but apparently they aren't even useful for hiding your good snacks.

The three men all had their eyes on you, waiting for a reaction. You didn't know which one of them found all your fruit snacks, but you weren't going to give them the satisfaction.

If they wanted a prank war, so be it.

With tears in your eyes, you recycled the cardboard box. Then you finally turned to look at them, watching as their expressions quickly shifted into that of concern.

"I'm going to the store, do you need anything?" You stuttered through the question, trying to play up how upset you were. You waited a minute for one or more of them to answer, when nothing came you turned back toward the door.

"Y/N, what's wrong?" Bucky called as you reached the door.

Hook. Line. Sinker.

"It's just been a tough day. I- It's stupid. I'll see you guys later." You turned around again, walking slightly slower than normal.

Bucky jumped off his chair, running to stop you before you left the kitchen. It must have been his idea to eat all of your fruit snacks. He grabbed your should, spinning you around.

"It's not stupid if it's got you this upset. Talk to me, please?"

You waited a beat before pulling him into a long hug. You pretended to cry more, waiting for him to ask what was wrong again.

"Doll, what's got you so upset?" He rubbed your back, unaware of the devious smirk on your face.

You spoke into his chest, leaving your head buried there. "I just, everything is going wrong today. I woke up late, so Tony was annoyed with me. I spent 3 hours trying to fix this piece of tech, only to realize it wasn't working because it wasn't freaking plugged in. I had to rewrite my code for Redwing's updates four times because it kept getting deleted."

You whined as you listed the events of your day. It really was a shitty day, hence the need for fruit snacks.

"Then I dropped my lunch on the floor, so I just ate an apple. I stubbed my toe on the way to training, so it hurt the whole time. I spent ten minutes looking for my phone while I was using it to call someone. I stepped in a puddle, so now my socks are wet."

You took a deep breathe, really laying on the guilt for the last part.

"And when I went to get fruit snacks to cheer myself up, they were all gone."

You hugged him tighter before pulling away, wiping the fake tears from your face.

"So now I'm going to the store. Hopefully nothing else goes wrong because I don't know if I can take it." You leaned your head back, dramatically trying to get the tears to subside.

"Hey, it's okay." Bucky continued to rub your arms, trying to soothe you. "Why don't you go make some tea or something, and I'll go to the store for you?"

You gave him a small, watery smile. "You would do that for me?"

"Of course, Doll. Steve and Sam will come too." He glared at them over your head.

"You guys are the best." You gave them all a hug as they left the kitchen, smirking to yourself once they were gone.

"Y/N, we're back!" Sam called from the elevator, expecting you to still be in the kitchen.

The three men walked down the hall, stopping in their tracks when they saw you.

You were sitting on the couch, fruit snacks in hand, watching a movie with Nat and Wanda.

"What the hell?" Bucky looked between you and the fruit snacks in your hand.

"Where did you even get those?" Steve asked incredulously.

"Well, when the frozen fruit snacks are missing, I know I'm being punked." You smirked at them, laughing with Nat and Wanda.

"So- you..." Bucky trailed off, disbelief clouding his thought process.

"A few waterworks and you three were putty in my hands." You walked toward them, taking the grocery bag with the fruit snacks. "Thanks for the refill." You winked, walking past them into the kitchen.

They stood frozen in shock for a minute, before following you down the hall.

"But how did you know it was us?" Sam asked.

"Why else would the three of you be sitting on the bar stools at the island? You were 100% waiting for a meltdown that I never gave you." You smirked as you hid the bags in different cabinets.

"You never answered my question." Steve stated, still curious about your secret hiding place. "We looked everywhere for hidden fruit snacks."

You placed an arm on Bucky's shoulder as you jumped onto the island counter, unscrewing the top of the chandelier.

"Everywhere?" You questioned as you added a few bags to the compartment before screwing the lid back on. "I've got secret compartments all over the kitchen."

"Then why not just take one of those? Why send us to the store?" Sam asked, still incredulous that you got the three of them this badly.

"Well, I'm assuming you ate all the bags you did find?" You reached out, waiting for Bucky to help you down. He grabbed your waist, slowly lifting you setting you on the floor.

The three of them nodded.

"So I needed more." You shrugged, tossing the now empty box in the recycling as well.

"Was your day really that awful?" Bucky asked in a soft voice, feeling slightly used.

"It was." You smiled at him, moving to hug him again. "Thank you for caring. Honestly, it's really sweet." You kissed him on the cheek before turning to go back to your movie.

You couldn't stop yourself from calling one more thing over your shoulder as you left.

"This was round one boys, and I was only on the defensive. I'd say be prepared, but you'll never see me coming." You winked.

Part 2

Permanent taglist:

@averyhotchner

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #bucky barnes #sam wilson #steve rogers #natasha romanoff #tony stark #wanda maximoff #marvel #marvel fic #mcu #avengers x reader #avengers x you #avengers x y/n

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ohbuckie · 2 years

Text

from the mind of bucky barnes;

diary entries & blog posts (bassist!bucky au)

series

TW: mental health, suicide

There is a bracelet on my wrist that scratches me when I move my hand to write.

I don’t even have anything that I want to say.

Maybe that I am sitting cross-legged on a foreign bed, wearing a hoodie and sweatpants that don’t even feel like they belong to me anymore because the pull-strings have been confiscated. Maybe that I have been here for three days and I already have had a meltdown because I miss my girlfriend, and our cat, and our goldfish that sometimes our cat tries to catch by dunking her paw in the tank. Maybe that there is a stranger sitting in the corner of the room at all times because I am on suicide watch.

It’s incredibly irritating to be on suicide watch when all you want to do is rub one out, just so you know.

It isn’t unwarranted, because maybe I did try. But that seems irrelevant now. A momentary lapse in judgement. I promise, doctor, I am all fixed and I am fine and I can go home now. I want to go home now. Give me more lithium and my shoelaces back and I will be on my merry way.

(It is kind of scary, though, to think of my indifference about it now. How everything really is temporary, and even a couple of days later I can’t fathom not being alive anymore.)

A few people here have recognized me. It doesn’t feel the same as when they recognize me at the grocery store, though, because now we’re wearing identical socks. And, also, we’re in the middle of group therapy.

I’ve made acquaintances with a thirty-five-year-old mother-of-three. I like her because she doesn’t know who I am. Her kids are too young, she’s too old. I’m just the fucked up kid that she sits with to eat lunch every day. It’s kind of nice to just be a kid here.

My girlfriend is visiting tomorrow. I won’t be allowed alone with her, and I’m debating the ethics of dry-humping in front of hospital staff. (Kidding, but just barely.) She dropped off clothes and notebooks and a small blanket the morning after I was admitted, but I wasn’t able to see her then.

I want to ask her to marry me. She’ll laugh and say no, and that I’m stupid, and then she’ll kiss me, probably. Hopefully. Maybe she’ll even run her fingers through my hair.

My clothes smelled like her a couple of days ago, but now they only smell like whatever it is that hospitals put in the air to nauseate you. It’s sterile and cold. It reminds me of my stay in the children’s hospital when I was thirteen and had just lost my arm. It makes my eyes sting and my lungs harden and my fingers—the ones that are left—shake while I lay awake at night in this firm bed. I want to burn these clothes when I leave.

I worry that if I stay here for too long, my fingers will lose their calluses and it will hurt to play for a while. I probably shouldn’t be thinking about work—I hate calling it that, because I feel like work is supposed to be a bad thing—but I can’t help it. I miss my friends and our stupid songs that we play together. We were supposed to practice a few new songs together yesterday. I hope that they still did, and didn’t cancel just because I’m not there.

I hope that I’m out soon and that we can just forget that I was ever here. I don’t want to talk about it once I’m out. I just want to go home and pick up where I left off.

My mom calls me every day. I keep telling her not to, because I don’t have anything new to tell her since I do the same things at the same times every day, except for that I miss her and I’m sorry for scaring her. She cries when she says goodbye and it makes me feel disgustingly guilty. I love her so deeply, but it makes everything worse.

I just want this to be over.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan smut #bucky barnes fluff #sebastian stan fluff #blogposts #bassist bucky

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kurowrites · 4 years

Note

"you asked me to the store with you and your child, and now my distant relative we met thinks im married with a baby" for wangxian :3

I doubt this was the thing you expected, but ... [smashes keyboard]

---

It had been a coincidence, really, nothing that he’d planned. He’d just been on his way out of the door to get his groceries done when he came across one of his neighbours in the entrance hall; the really handsome one with the cute little toddler that always smiled at him. The one where the mother of the child had probably left the picture, because he’d never actually seen her.

Quietly, he wondered what woman would leave a man that was so obviously caring well for his child, and a toddler so friendly and cute, but then, that was really none of his business.

In any case, when he ran into them in the entrance hall of the apartment building, the toddler was having a big temper tantrum (that was a first), and his father, despite his best efforts at calming the child, was completely unsuccessful in stopping the wailing. His usually neutral face was, for once, wrinkled in concern and apparent helplessness.

Wei Ying knew the feeling too well, from similar situations with his own family. Recently, it had been happening particularly often because of Jin Ling, his beloved nephew who had taken an unfortunate page from the book of his father and had started an early ‘nonono, I don’t want to’ phase.

So Wei Ying automatically did what he always did with Jin Ling: he made a stupid face at the toddler, and when the toddler looked at Wei Ying in momentary confusion, Wei Ying grabbed him, lifted him up, and wheeled him around. The kid let out a sound halfway between annoyance and enjoyment. Wei Ying took the chance he got, and folded over with the biggest grin on his face, tilting the child upside down with him. Then he flipped back up, and did it again. By the third time, the child was laughing.

“Again, again!”

Wei Ying did it again, and then tried to set the child down, but it was too late. Quick as anything, two hands grabbed him with surprising strength, and he now had a spider monkey on his hands. The child clung to him, eagerly asking for more parentally inadvisable acrobatics.

Wei Ying looked at the father apologetically, who had witnessed the whole event with the earlier frown still on his face, shrugging a little as he held the little monkey in his arms.

“Sorry for barging in like that,” he said. “It’s just something I picked up from handling my nephew. It works with him every time, so I started doing it automatically. You’re probably busy, I should let you go.”

He tried to hand the boy back to his father, but there was no budging. The child clung to him like a leech, whining at Wei Ying to play with him.

“I am sorry,” the father said, clearly unsure how to handle the situation and his uncooperating child. “He is usually not that difficult. Today is…”

He trailed off.

Wei Ying smiled encouragingly. “Hey, parenting is hard. Tell me, where were you going? I was planning to go to the supermarket near the park, and if you’re heading in the same direction, we can walk together until he’s calmed down a little.”

Wei Ying was almost sure there was something akin to relief in the father’s face.

“I was also heading out for groceries,” the father replied. “If it is not too much to ask…”

“Hey, no biggie,” Wei Ying smiled. “If you carry my groceries, all is well.”

He winked at the boy in his arms.

“Always get others to carry your things.”

“Gege is carrying ME!” the boy exclaimed excitedly, and Wei Ying laughed.

“I see, I see, you are a smart one!”

Wei Ying winked at the father, and after assuring him that he was perfectly fine carrying a toddler around, they walked to the grocery store together.

On the way, Wei Yin learned that the names of father and son were Lan Zhan and Lan Yuan, respectively. They hadn’t been living in the apartment building for very long (Wei Ying had suspected as much), and had recently relocated because Lan Zhan had changed jobs.

Wei Ying felt the urge to ask about the child’s mother, but managed to suppress his curiosity.

It was none of his business, he told himself sternly. He had no place nosing around in a stranger’s private affairs, even when the man in question was particularly handsome, and the toddler particularly cute.

---

Shopping turned out to be way more fun than it usually was. Lan Yuan was still stuck to Wei Ying, unwilling to give up the prime real estate in Wei Ying’s arms, so Wei Ying carried him through the supermarket like a little king, and together, they commanded Lan Zhan what he needed to buy.

Lan Zhan was a strict man that was extremely picky about the foods that he put onto the plate of his child, Wei Ying learned quickly. But he was also a father that very clearly loved by his son, and everything Lan Yuan said was considered seriously, even when it was eventually turned down. Wei Ying almost felt bad to ask Lan Zhan to help him with his groceries, since his eating habits were… nowhere near Lan Zhan’s, that was for sure.

Lan Zhan himself frowned a little when he saw all the stuff that Wei Ying was planning to buy, and though he was evidently trying to restrain himself from commenting, he eventually cracked.

“You do not cook for yourself?” he asked, as Wei Ying snatched another box of frozen food out of the freezer one-handed, balancing Lan Yuan on his hip.

“Not really,” Wei Ying replied lightly. “I’m a horrible cook. My sister banned me from her kitchen.”

“Fresh vegetables are important,” Lan Zhan said, clearly not approving of his dietary choices.

“I know! I have them when I visit my sister. She makes the best food.”

He smiled at Lan Yuan.

“Always eat your veggies, mister, if you want to grow as tall as your dad.”

“I’m gonna be taller!”

It was spoken with so much enthusiasm and conviction that Wei Ying had to laugh.

“You have a lot of work to do and many veggies to eat, then!”

“What about Gege?” Lan Yuan asked. “You also need to eat veggies and grow taller.”

“I’m not going to get any taller now, I’ve reached my maximum height already,” Wei Ying replied. “Not everyone gets to be as tall as your dad.”

That opened an entire new can of worms, because now Lan Yuan wanted to know why Wei Ying wasn’t as tall as his father, and why people were tall or small or fat or thin, and Wei Ying found himself inundated with questions he might have been able to answer more easily if he had been able to pull out his mobile phone and search for some scientifically accurate answers.

But Lan Yuan seemed to enjoy the explanations that Wei Ying could give, so honestly, all was well. He’d apparently completely forgotten the reason why he’d had a meltdown in the entrance hall of their apartment block, and seemed to enjoy being babied by someone other than his father, for once.

“A-Yuan is such a good child,” Wei Ying sighed as they left the supermarket (Lan Zhan carrying Wei Ying’s groceries as promised). “If I ever have children, I also want to have a child like A-Yuan.”

Lan Yuan hugged Wei Ying with a smile, and Wei Ying had to squish the little boy, overwhelmed by a sudden feeling of intense affection. He was just too precious. Dammit, he didn’t even have a partner, he couldn’t go around getting baby fever.

“Wei Ying should adopt me!” Lan Yuan exclaimed with enthusiasm. “Like Baba!”

Now that was… Wei Ying looked at Lan Zhan, confused about that little nugget of information.

Lan Zhan, not looking at him but at Lan Yuan, chastised his son gently.

“A-Yuan, you cannot simply ask unrelated people to adopt you. I am your cousin. We were family before I adopted you. The same cannot be asked for from unrelated people.”

It was a very rational explanation, Wei Ying thought. It also answered a few questions about the apparent non-existence of a mother. But it also seriously underestimated Wei Ying’s particular brand of free-spiritedness combined with a healthy dose of disregard for societal conventions, so Wei Ying lifted Lan Yuan higher and gave him a cheeky grin.

“For what it’s worth, A-Yuan,” he declared, “I would totally adopt you if given the chance. I don’t think your father would give you up for any price, but just know that I would.”

Lan Yuan gave him the biggest smile in reply, and Lan Zhan gave him the most severe frown he had ever seen in his life, but he didn’t care.

Lan Yuan was just too cute, and Wei Ying was entirely honest when he said that he would adopt a child like him in a heartbeat. Of course, a decision like that would be a big responsibility. Taking care of a life. But he had never been the type to think about such things carefully before jumping right in. He had always wanted a family. And he had experience in handling kids. He could do it, he knew.

Maybe I should really start to consider having a child, he thought to himself, snuggling Lan Yuan a little tighter, resting their heads together, even without a partner in the picture. I have Dajie too, I can rise a child on my own.

(He did not notice Lan Zhan’s considering gaze.)

---

“Are you a homewrecker now?”

“Hello A-Cheng, it’s nice to hear from you, I’m doing very well, thank you,” Wei Ying sang into the receiver. “Why are you calling?”

“You were seen with a father and his child at the supermarket,” came Jiang Cheng’s angry voice from the other side of the connection. “Flirting inappropriately. Really, now? Don’t tell me you’re sleeping with a man that already has a toddler.”

“Ouch, A-Cheng, who do you think I am?” Wei Ying asked theatrically. (If he was honest, the sentiment hurt a little.) “He’s just a neighbour, I was helping out like good neighbours do. He is in fact not married and the child is adopted, so even if I was sleeping with him, which I’m not, there would be nothing inappropriate about it. Also, I have never slept with any man of my acquaintance and I’m not sure why this is coming up now.”

“So that means we don’t have to reserve a seat for him at the next family dinner?”

Wei Ying spluttered. “Wha- what??”

“My sister was really excited at the thought of getting a nephew. I guess it was too much to ask. If you start fucking him, don’t tell me, but I need to know if I have to make more reservations than usual. That’s all. Bye.”

The next moment, Jiang Cheng had hung up, and Wei Ying stared at his phone beeping at him in disbelief.

What the hell?

How had Jiang Cheng even found out he had gone shopping with Lan Zhan and Lan Yuan?

Still shaken and repeating the entire conversation in his head, trying to make sense of it, he heard the doorbell ring. He threw his phone aside and scrambled to get to the door.

As soon as he opened the door, A-Yuan threw himself forward and latched onto Wei Ying’s leg tightly, grinning up at him.

“Gege! Play with me!” he shouted in lieu of a greeting.

Behind him stood Lan Zhan, all prim and proper, with his arms folded behind his back.

“He said he was missing you,” he said with an apologetic bow.

Slowly, Wei Ying bent down and lifted A-Yuan up to settle him on his hip. He stared at Lan Zhan, standing there and staring back, and thought about the strange phone call that he’d just had.

Of course he was happy that A-Yuan wanted to see him again. And of course he was happy that Lan Zhan had come to actively seek him out.

And of course he thought that–

Well.

Quietly, he wondered what it needed to make Lan Zhan accept an invitation for family dinner.

Well, maybe not a family dinner, first thing. Something a little more private was appropriate.

He gave A-Yuan a small kiss to the crown of his head, and saw Lan Zhan following the movement intently.

Hm, he thought giddily. Maybe not quite as much as I thought it might.

He smiled at Lan Zhan.

“Why don’t you come in? I doubt I’m getting this little one off of me very soon.”

#kuro writes #the untamed #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #mdzs #mdzs headcanons #not pictured: wwx and lwj lusting after each other in the hallway of their apartment block #lol #anonymous

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cocochannel00 · 4 years

Text

Don’t Leave Me Alone

This is so long overdue and I apologize for such a long wait but here it is!! I hope you guys enjoy and as always requests are slow, but always open!

Description: over 6k words, dad!Harry, husband!Harry, Pregnant Y/n, Angst, Fluff.

Masterlist can be found here!

Sometimes when you’re pregnant all you need is a little break...

Kids: Connor (2), Rebecca (1)

You felt like a whale, and not one of those cute baby whales you see at the aquarium. No, you felt like a fat Blue Whale that was about to explode. You were six months pregnant and it had not been as glamorous as Beyonce made it seem. So far you had spent the first trimester throwing up at least twice a day and your second trimester going through insane hot flashes that left you contemplating whether going to the grocery store nude would be that bad of an idea. You were hoping your last trimester would be somewhat more bearable but seeing as the two devils inside you were currently competing to see who could break your rib first, you had a feeling it wasn't going to get better.

You weren't usually one to complain out loud or at least about your own personal problems, but this pregnancy, unlike your last two, was starting to get on your last nerve and so was Harry. You admit you were a bit more agitated than normal but Harry was definitely not helping. He had taken his own form of paternity leave a little over three weeks ago after a small scare you had with one of the twins. You thought that having him home so much would be amazing and you could use the extra help with Connor and Rebecca, especially since your baby girl was just learning how to properly walk. So far she had nearly cracked her head against the edge of the shoe rack in your mudroom which had led you to bubble wrap nearly every corner of your house. You were nearly at your wit's end and there seemed to be no end in sight.

Luckily today was Sunday so you let yourself indulge in a few extra hours of sleep while Harry watched the kids. You had kicked him out of bed last night because his body was like a furnace and in between the hot flashes you were having and the fact that you were feeling too insecure to lay naked next to him, you had sent him to the guest room. At 3 a.m. Harry thought nothing of it and since he was sleep deprived as well he probably jumped at the chance to get away from you and get some sleep without all of her moaning and groaning. You and Harry had spent the last week snapping at each other constantly over little things, but you hoped with a couple of more hours of sleep your hormones would cool down a bit even if your body couldn't.

The sun was already shining through the window as you rolled around to check your alarm clock that read 10:30 a.m. Well, at least you had gotten to sleep in a bit before the twins started their kickboxing match. You had just finished the ever-challenging task of sitting up on your bed when you heard two piercing cries come from downstairs. You carefully pushed off the bed and leaned against the nightstand to gain your balance before heading to your closet to get dressed. The only thing you were willing to wear these days were dresses. They were elastic, lightweight, and the only thing that you wouldn't sweat through 30 seconds after putting it on. You decided that you would try and be optimistic about the day so you wore Harry's favorite blue dress with sunflowers. You should have thrown it out after your first pregnancy but it held so many memories that you couldn't get yourself to part with it. You were just walking out of the room when a crying Connor came barreling towards your legs.

"Mama" he cried as he buried his face in your dress. You could barely see him under your belly but you wrapped your arms around his back and stroked his brown curls softly.

"What happened baby?" you asked quietly as he scrunched the end of your dress in his tiny fists and wiped his eyes.

"I play with Becca... and fell... and dada mad...and I cry" he mumbled.

"Oh, baby I'm sure it was an accident. Is Becca okay?" you asked as you grabbed his hand and started carefully walking down the stairs with Connor.

"Uh-huh mama accident" he mumbled with a slight lisp.

"That's okay, baby. I'm sure daddy was just worried and that's why he got mad. Let's go make sure Becca's okay" you replied back as you made it down the last steps of the stairs.

You waddle passed the kitchen door to find Harry sitting on a kitchen stool with your daughter in his arms, an ice pack placed on your baby girl's lip as big crocodile tears fell down her face.

"Connor I think Becca would feel so much better if you drew her one of your special pictures. Do you think you could draw her one?" you asked your baby boy as you rubbed his back.

"Yes, mama I draw. Stickers too" he mumbled as he ran into the adjacent living room.

Once your baby boy was cheerful again you made your way to your daughter and picked her up from your husband's arms.

"And what happened to you, my love? I leave you with your dada for five minutes and you get a boo-boo on your lip" you whispered to her as she tucked her face into her neck.

"Dada turned around for 2 seconds and this is what happened" Harry grumbled as he leaned against the granite countertop.

"Two seconds?" you questioned as you bounced your little girl softly. Harry groaned.

"Ok, it was like 5 minutes. Jeff called me and we were trying to figure out when would be a good time to get into the studio before you give birth and I was distracted and I heard her scream and there was blood and I yelled and Connor started to cry and..."

"Harry I told you already that you can't leave her alone. She's just figuring out how to walk and she bumps into everything. What did she even hit her lip on? Every sharp edge of the furniture is wrapped in bubble wrap." you replied harsher than you wanted too.

"I don't know (y/n). I was talking and she must have bumped her lip on the floor or maybe the bottom leg of the table? It wasn't my fault, it was an accident" He exclaimed defensively as he rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"Harry, it is your fault though. You should have been watching her while you were on the phone. You watch tv while on the phone all the time! The least you could do is watch your own children" you replied back in frustration. You weren't sure if it was your hormones or the fact that you were hungry that was causing the wave of anxiety and anger, but you had a feeling this conversation wasn't going to end well.

"I get it (y/n) I should have been watching her, but maybe if I wasn't getting kicked out of my own bed at 3 am because of your moods. I'll make you some breakfast, maybe it will make you less cranky" he grumbled as he made his way to the toaster.

"I don't want your stupid breakfast and I'm sorry if the two children you helped create make my body feel like it's burning. Maybe we should get you pregnant and see what happens" You repeat harshly as you cradle your baby and went to put her down in her highchair with some cheerios.

"Love, I want to help you... I know this pregnancy has been much harder than the others but I can't help if you kick me out of our bed. You need to tell me what you want me to do" Harry pleaded as he placed some bread in the toaster and turned to face you.

"I want these babies out. I want to not be the size of a whale. I want to sneeze without peeing myself and I want to walk more than five feet without getting heartburn. I want..." you started before the tears began to fall.

"Oh baby, no" Harry mumbled before he ran around the counter to engulf you in a hug. "I know this has been hard and I'm sorry I haven't been as helpful as I should have. I'll make more time for our family and I'll-"

"But I need you to actually do those things, H. You promised me when we got pregnant that you'd be finished with everything by the time the babies got fussy" You mumbled as you put your hands on his chest

"I know, love, and I am, I promise. Once the band and I record a couple more songs in the studio next week I'm all yours," he whispered as you shook your head violently.

"No! You won't be all mine. You'll find something else you'll need to do and then I'll have to watch the kids alone and I can barely walk and you're just going to leave"you all but yelled as you turned your back to Harry.

"(y/n)... what? What are you talking about? Of course, I'm going to be here. I've been home for weeks helping out" he replied back confused.

"Harry every day you've been home you're always locked away in your office or the studio downstairs. You bath the kids, you feed them lunch, great! That's the bare minimum. Who's the one that has to stop their tantrums or bubble wrap the house so they won't get hurt or even try and run around the garden with them while being the size of cow cause it sure as heck isn't you. And then once you're done with the album, you'll be on tour and I'll be alone again." you grumbled angrily.

"(Y/n) you are not the size of a cow and you know I'll give up my music the minute you tell me" he replied.

"I don't want you to give up your music" you stated stubbornly as Harry groaned.

"(Y/n), what is this really about then?" Harry asked tiredly.

"I need a break, Harry... I need to get away from here. The stress and the kids and the babies, I just... I need to go" you cried softly as you wrapped your arms around your bump and watched your baby girl play happily with her food, oblivious to the meltdown happening a few feet away from her.

"Baby, you're scaring me. What do you mean by go away? Do you want to head up north together? We can take the kids up to the cottage or visit my mum" he said quietly trying to hug you, but you stepped away.

"No Harry I need to get away from here... from you" you mumbled just as Connor walked into the room with his drawing.

"Mama look finish," he said with a squeal as you quickly wiped your tears and slowly crouched down to look at his drawing.

"It's beautiful, my love! Why don't we hang it on the fridge so Becca can see it every morning?" You replied back with a small smile as you used all of your strength to stand up again.

Harry saw you wobble slightly and quickly went to help you up from your crouched position. You leaned on his body as he steadied you from falling. You mumbled a quick thanks before going to the fridge with your little boy and helping him place his drawing on the fridge door with some magnets.

"Mommy's very tired baby, why don't you ask daddy and see if he'll make you mac and cheese for lunch while I take your sister up for her nap," you spoke to your son as he nodded with excitement. You carefully went and picked up your daughter from her high chair as Harry grabbed your elbow.

"(Y/n) come on, we're not done talking about all of this. You haven't eaten either. You've got me worried" Harry whispered as he looked at you expectantly.

"I'm not hungry now, thank you. It was a long night and I'm not feeling the best. Go make Connor's lunch, please" You replied as you began to make your way up the stairs.

You finally made it up the stairs with only a bit of heartburn to show for it. You carefully placed your baby girl in her crib and gave her a soft kiss on her forehead. You whispered a quick goodbye and started packing a bag. As you threw some dresses and a couple of sweaters into a duffle bag you called Anne who thankfully picked up on the first ring.

"Hello (y/n), how are you? How are the babies" she spoke cheerfully.

"Hi, Anne. I'm doing okay, the twins are definitely fighters. They're going to be a handful" you sniffled softly.

"Oh, sweetheart what's going on?" Anne asked, concern laced in her voice.

"I need to get away for awhile. Harry and the kids and the babies it's just all too much right now. I feel like I'm losing my mind and my hormones are all over the place and it's just so overwhelming and all Harry and I do is fight and I..." you said as you began to hyperventilate.

"(Y/n), I need you to breathe sweetheart, Okay? Stress isn't good for the babies and you already had that scare a couple of weeks back. Breathe love. Pregnancy can very hard and i know these twins haven't made it easy. Do you want me to yell at Harry for you?" she asked softly.

"No, no, it's okay. I just... I need to go somewhere for a couple of days. Just to get myself together before I say something or do something that I..." you started but you couldn't think straight.

"Okay love, that's okay. Everyone needs a little break every once in a while. Why don't you pack some clothes and your pregnancy pillow and come spend a couple of days here in Cheshire with me? I'll call Harry right now to tell him and he can stay and watch the kids for a bit. Why don't you call Gary and ask if he can drive you?" Anne asked.

"Yes, that sounds good" you mumbled as you began looking for your pillow.

"Ok, my love. I'll call Harry and tell him what's going on so he doesn't worry. You just message Gary, ok?"

"Yes, thank you, Anne. See you soon," you replied as Anne said her goodbyes.

After hanging up on Anne you texted Gary to ask if he could pick you up and drive you to Anne's. He agreed and told you he would be there in 15 minutes, giving you enough time to finish packing and say goodbye to your babies.

You were mid-way through packing your toiletries when you heard Harry's footsteps running up the stairs. He walked past your room and towards Connor's before making his way back to you.

"Mom just called me" he spoke softly as he approached you.

"Yes. Gary will be here soon to drive me up to her house" you replied as you placed your toothbrush in your bag and zipped it close.

"I'm glad he's driving you up... (Y/n) what's... what's going on baby. I need to know what's going through your head right now" he whispered as he wrapped his arms around your body tightly.

"My hormones have been all over the place and then I think the scare a couple of weeks ago has made me even more anxious because I don't want anything to happen to our babies and... I can't sleep well at night and I just..." you stammered as you forced yourself to take deep breaths while Harry rubbed circles into your lower back.

"Shhh, love... I know. I think staying with Mum for a couple of days will be good for you, give you some time to relax. I'll make sure the kids are okay and you just message me when you're ready to come back. I'll be just a call away if you need anything" He replied back as he continued to hug you tightly.

"You're not mad at me?" you asked as you looked him in the eye for the first time since your breakdown in the kitchen.

"Of course not, love. I know this pregnancy has been hell for you and I haven't been the best support these past couple of days so I think it will be good for you to have some time to yourself. I'll make sure the kids are ok and if I need I'll call up Gemma. Now, come on, Gary's waiting outside for you. I'll bring your bag and your pillow while you say goodbye to Connor and Becca" he stated as he placed a soft kiss to your forehead before grabbing your bags and heading down the stairs.

Carefully you slipped on your Dr.Scholls flip flops and made your way to Connor's room to say goodbye. Connor was playing with his blocks on the floor happily as you quietly called out his name as you went to take a seat on the rocking chair in his room. Connor stared up at you with a smile and ran over to hug you.

"Mama look blocks," he said excitedly as he pointed at the tower he had abandoned.

"Yes, baby it's a beautiful tower. Listen, love, mommy has to tell you something, ok? I want you to listen to mommy, ok? Can you listen to mommy?" you asked your little boy as he shook his head vigorously.

"Mommy's going to go spend a couple of days with Grandma Anne while you and Becca stay with daddy. You guys are going to have so much fun together! You're going to play lots of games together and maybe in a couple of days, you can come to visit." You spoke as the little boy frowned.

"I no go grandmas?" He asked quietly as he frowned.

"No baby, not yet. You have to stay and help daddy with Becca. Can you do that for me?" you explained to Connor as he nodded his head and hugged you tighter.

"Thank you, Connor. You're getting to be such a big boy. Thank you for watching your sister for me. Why don't you come with me so I can say bye to Becca and we can meet daddy downstairs" you mumbled as you stood up while taking your son's hand and slowly made your way to Becca's room.

Becca was peacefully sleeping in her crib when you walked in. You didn't want to wake her up and make Harry's day more difficult than it already was so you gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and made your way downstairs. Harry was at the door talking with Gary, most likely giving him instructions on getting me safe to Anne's. Harry saw you from the corner of his eye and quickly came to help you down the last few steps. Once you had made it to the bottom, Harry went to grab a lunchbox from the kitchen and passed it to you.

"Packed you a couple of snacks and a sandwich for the road and some of those weird gummies you've been craving," he stated, a small smile on his face as he crouched down to pick up your two-year-old in his arms.

"Say bye-bye to mamma, Connor. We'll see her in a couple of days." Harry mumbled to the little boy that pouted as he waved his little hand goodbye.

"Bye mama" Connor whispered as you kissed his forehead. You smiled with watery eyes as you said goodbye to your little boy before looking at Harry.

"I love you (y/n)" He told you as you whispered a soft 'I love you" back. You gave him a chaste kiss on the lips before walking outside to meet Gary.

You greeted Gary and got into the back seat of the black suburban that would be driving you to Anne's. By the time you rounded the end of your street you were fast asleep.

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Harry's POV:

I was officially going to lose it. I had been close over the years, but if either one of my kids cries one more time today I was going to have a mental breakdown. It had been four days since (Y/n) had gone to my mum's house and I had been left to watch the kids by myself. If there's anything I've learned from the last couple of days it's that my wife is fucking Wonder woman. I don't know how she managed to keep it together for so long because I was falling apart at the seams already.

It's not like I hadn't taken care of the two of them by myself before. I had numerous times when (Y/n) had worked late shifts at the hospital or had taken a weekend trip with her friends but for some reason, these past couple of days have been far worse than any of the previous ones. Becca had made it her absolute mission to try and run herself into every corner she could. So far she had managed to fall at least four times, all ending with a minimum three-hour cry afterward. Connor tried to help calm down Becca but most of the time he would just get upset because she was and they both end up crying. Yesterday had been the breakpoint for me though.

I had managed to keep Becca and Connor from crying all afternoon which was quite a miracle and just as I was putting them to bed, Becca saw a picture of (Y/n) in the hallway and began to scream for (y/n). This consequently woke Connor up who also cried because he could go to sleep so the three of us ended up in (y/n) and I's bed cuddled in the sheets as both of my kids cried through the night. The only person I knew that could fix this situation besides (Y/n) was Gemma and after practically begging her and promising to not be a dick when she came she said yes to helping me out.

After giving up on trying to get the kids out of their pajamas, I grabbed them both in my arms and walked them downstairs to start on some breakfast. They seemed to have tired themselves out with all of their crying so for the time being, they sat down quietly in their respective chairs and munched on their cheerios. I had just finished up making some Oatmeal when the doorbell rang, signaling that Gemma had arrived.

"Mama" Connor mumbled as he rubbed his eyes.

"No baby not mama yet, but aunty Gemma came to visit. Should we go open the door?" I asked as he nodded excitedly.

I grabbed Becca out of her high chair and held Connor's hand as we made our way to the door. As soon as I opened it Connor sprinted into Gemma's arms in a fit of giggles. It was nice to hear him laugh after all the crying that had been going on these past couple of days. I gave Gemma a quick kiss on the cheek before letting her in and walking back into the kitchen.

"Looking a little rough there Har. When's the last time you shaved those whiskers on your lip" Gemma laughed as she grabbed Becca from my arms and held her.

"Shut it. I haven't slept in days. Feel like I'm losing my mind" I mumbled as I poured the oatmeal into two bowls.

"You want anything to eat? Can make some toast and scrambled eggs" I asked as Gemma shook her head.

"Mama mama" Becca mumbled as she clawed at Gemma's shirt.

"I might have boobs like mama but mine, unfortunately, can't give you what you want little one" Gemma replied back as I laughed.

"Lot's of missing mama this week from all of us. Have you gotten a chance to check in with mom yet? See how (y/n)'s doing? Didn't want to be annoying so I haven't called since the first day" I stated as I placed a bowl of oatmeal in front of Connor and gave the other to Gemma to start feeding Becca.

"Mom said she's been okay. I think the fresh air is helping but her hormones are still all over. Mom said she was feeling a bit insecure about her size the other day but was starting to get better about it." Gemma replied as she fed Becca a spoonful of oatmeal.

"Insecure? She's pregnant. I think she's glowing. Nothing more beautiful than a pregnant lady" I said with a frown think about (Y/n).

"I know but Tracey always says that being the pregnant one is different. It feels like everyone's always watching you and now that she has twins she feels even bigger. One baby is bad enough but two of them with your big head inside at once can't be at all comfortable" Gemma said.

"I know but she's big because she has two of my babies and I think she looks breathtaking."

"Did you tell her that recently?" Gemma asked.

"Well... no ... maybe I- I think so" I mumbled as Gemma glared at me.

"I know I know I should have told her more often but I got busy and then Jeff kept calling and she'd kick me out of bed and-"

"Harry everything you just said is why (Y/n) needed a break. You hadn't been paying attention to her at all or the kids because you were so caught up in work. Now that you've realized that as a parent of two and two on the way you need to step it up because your wife can't do it by herself. You can't overwhelm yourself with work especially with the scare (Y/n) had a couple of weeks back."

"I know I know, but I don't know how to help her if she pushes me away" I replied back in frustration.

"Why don't you start by calling Jeff and canceling all those recording sessions you have planned. I know your job and your music is important but you need to put your family first and the health of your wife and your babies" Gemma stated as she wiped some oatmeal off of Becca's cheek.

"I already did! Once (Y/n) left I canceled all of the sessions and interviews and meetings that I couldn't do from home. Told Jeff that after this week I was officially going on a break until after the twins are born and we're all settled." I replied as I passed Connor a napkin for his sticky hands.

"Well did you tell (Y/n) or mom any of this cause (Y/n) is so stressed you'll miss the birth of the babies cause of your work!" Gemma said sternly as she looked at me.

"Bu-but why would she think I'd miss it! Haven't missed any of the births or her appointments?" I groaned.

"I think she's just scared. You were out of town when the bleeding started and she was an absolute wreck when I took her to the hospital. Doctors said they had to give her a sedative because she nearly had a panic attack in the ER and her blood pressure skyrocketed. Mom said she was panicking on the phone when she called her" Gemma replied as she bounced Becca up and down on her lap.

"Careful, she'll vomit. God, I wish I could just see (Y/n) but I don't want to make things worse"

"I think both of you suffered enough with this time apart so why don't you call mom and tell her you and these little rascals are coming up today. Once you called me I texted mom to let her know you'd probably make an appearance today" Gemma replied as she tickled Becca's tummy.

"You're right, I should. I'm going to call mom and let her know. Can you pack Becca a bag and maybe change her diaper?" I asked as I made my way to go find my phone upstairs.

"Bag, yes. Diaper, hell no" Gemma mumbled as I laughed.

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(Y/N) POV:

Today was a good day. You had managed to make it the entire morning without crying which is more than you can say for the other three days you had spent at Anne's house. It looked like you had finally managed to get your hormones under control and were even excited to spend the day in town with Anne. You had promised her that after moping around her house since you got there that you would spend today with her in town as long as you could stop to get one of those chocolate croissants Harry always brought from the bakery.

You waddled down the stairs in the navy blue Gucci dress Harry bought you for Christmas that cinched just above your belly, making you look all the more pregnant. You didn't necessarily like it the first couple of times you tried it on but every time you wore it Harry's face would light up with a smile and that was enough for you to wear it a bit more often.

"Good morning (Y/n), how did you sleep last night? Did the ice pack behind your neck help with the hot flashes?" Anne asked as she sipped her cup of coffee at the kitchen table.

"It was a miracle worker, first time in months that I haven't woken up in a puddle of my own sweat" you replied back as you gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and sat down next to her.

"I'm glad. I know you're not a tea drinker but can I get you some decaf or maybe some hot chocolate? I think I have some from the last time you guys were over" Anne replied as she got up to get her a mug.

"Hot chocolate sounds wonderful. I can make it though don't worry" you said as Anne waved you away and began taking out the chocolate mix.

"So how are you feeling today? Better with the hormones and such?" Anne asked cautiously as she stirred the hot chocolate and placed it in front of you.

"I've gotten them under control for the most time, I usually only feel like crying when I to miss Harry and my other babies. Wish they could have come up for a bit but it's been nice to spend some time with you and away from the chaos."

"It's been very nice having you here and I can't wait to meet two more of my grandbabies. Speaking of Harry, he called me this morning?" Anne mumbled into her coffee.

"Is he ok? Are my babies ok? Is someone hurt?" You questioned with a jump.

"Everyone's fine don't worry. Just wanted to see how you were doing." Anne replied. You relaxed back into your seat knowing that everyone was ok at home.

"Thank god. I was worried about leaving them with Harry. He's a great dad, but they can be a handful especially if they tag team you with the crying. It's enough to pull your hair out" you mumble as Anne laughs.

"I can only imagine. Gemma was pretty calm as a child, but Harry was my little attention seeker, couldn't put him down without the tears starting"

"Becca's the same way. If you leave her alone more than a quick bathroom break she'll start screaming her head off. I miss them..." you stated as you grabbed a biscuit and shoved it in your mouth.

"Well a little birdy might have mentioned that someone special could be coming up later today" Anne mumbled trying to hide her grin behind her mug.

"What? What do you mean? Is Harry coming up here?!" You asked excitedly as you nearly drop your coffee mug on the floor.

Anne nodded as you crushed her into bear hug and placed a kiss to her cheek.

"Thank you thank you" you whispered as you held her tight.

"It was all Gemma, dear. And besides, I think you both could really use it. From what I hear my grandkids aren't making it the easiest time. They should be here within the next half hour so why don't you go get dressed and I'll get the kids room all set up for them?" Anne replied as she carefully helped you stand and walked you up the stairs.

Once upstairs, you could help but let out a small squeal at the idea of finally seeing Harry and your kids again. It had only been a couple of days and even though you always love spending some girl time alone with Anne, it was time to see all of your babies (Harry included). You decided to take a quick shower before throwing on a coral pink wrap dress that cut off just above the knee. Just as you were putting on your sneakers (probably the most comfortable shoes you own tbh) Anne knocked on the door to tell you that Harry's car had just pulled into the drive way. You smiled and quickly finished tying your shoes before carefully, but quickly, made your way down the stairs and to the front door.

The sight in front of you was almost too much for you to handle. Connor stood at the side of the car staring at the birds playing the bird feeder. His foot pajamas were covered in what you could only assume was banana stains and the shoe laces on his Gucci sneakers were untied. Your husband stood with his back to you as he wrestled with the fussy one year old in the car street. His pajama pants were riding low on his hips and the white cotton t shirt he sometimes wears to bed had a large stain on his right shoulder, most likely from burping Becca. Just as you were about to approach your little family when suddenly you son came running towards you.

"Mama mama... I here" Connor called out as he hurled himself towards you.

"I see that baby! How are you? Were you good for dada?" You asked him as you carefully lifted him up in your arms and nodded his head.

"I good mama. I good" he stated enthusiastically as you placed a kiss to his cheek.

"How is my favorite grandbaby boy doing? Come with me so your mommy can go help daddy with Becca" Anne stated as Connor all but launched himself at his grandma with a squeal.

You gave Anne a smile before walking over to Harry. You tapped on his shoulder and watched as his shoulders relaxed and he carefully turned around to see you. The weeks could be seen right on his face. His hair was shooting out every which way, a curl follow over his eyes every now and then. There was also a slight hint of stubble across his chin which you knew only appeared after he had gone a couple of days without shaving. The stain on the shoulder of his pajama shirt wasn't the only one on his shirt as you saw a couple splatters of green which you could only assume was peas. He was mess all over, but he was your mess. He gave you the soft smile that you fell in love with all those years ago and you practically tumbled into his arms.

"Hello my love" he mumbled into your hair as he brushed a strand of it behind your ear while rubbing his other hand up and down your back.

"Hi H" you whispered as tears began to prick your eyes.

"I missed you so much, the kids and I were a mess without you but I hope you got to relax a bit" Harry whispered into your ear.

"It was nice, but I missed you all a lot. I hope they weren't to much trouble" you mumbled into his neck.

"Let's just say it's a miracle we didn't get a noise complaint from all of the crying but we survived... barely." Harry replied as you laughed.

The two of you stood there for a bit before you began to hear your daughter's soft whines coming from the open car door. You carefully detached yourself from Harry and made your way to your daughter who sat in her car seat, eyes wide looking at the two of you.

"Hello baby. How is my precious girl doing? Did you make daddy's life difficult?" you mumbled in a baby voice as you picked her up from her car seat and cradled her into your neck.

She let out a soft whine before snuggling into your chest and closing her eyes again.

"All she needed was her mama" Harry replied as he wrapped his arms around you from behind and placed a kiss to your temple.

"All I needed was you" you whispered back as you placed a soft kiss to his lips.

"I love you (Y/n)"

"I love you too, H"

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reelaroundthedavekan · 3 years

Text

I had something of a meltdown yesterday, reached a point where I had to just vent. Thanks to my wife for letting me just rant for about 10 minutes. So, here are the things that got to me yesterday:

I posted already about the religious conversation I overheard.

Our county commissioners, all republicans, decided to leave the tri-county healthcare department we have belonged to for over 50 years. Why would they do this in the middle of a pandemic? Well, because tri-county had issued a mask mandate for all schools in the tri-county area. The commissioners have fought and pushed against every safety measure that has been enacted throughout the pandemic and they are just fucking idiots.

I went to the grocery store yesterday and as I was walking in, I noticed a guy walking ahead of me wearing a clown mask, like a halloween mask (not one that covers the whole head). I froze for a minute trying to figure out if something bad was happening and then saw that he was pushing a cart with his daughter on it and his wife was walking next to him. But still, what the fuck dude??!!! Are you doing something cute and funny for your daughter or ARE YOU MAYBE GOING TO PULL OUT A GUN AND SHOOT UP THE FUCKING GROCERY STORE? What the fuck was he thinking? Or was it some stupid anti-mask thing, anyway fuck you you fucking asshole.

Anyway, that stuff on top of all the other shit going on in this world and my brain had had enough and I had to spew it out and it took many, many f-bombs to get it all out.

I would like to just not be in a constant state of slow, simmering rage, could that be possible at some point in the near future?

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nightwingshero · 3 years

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1, 5, 14, 27 and 38 for Wren and Whitney! 💜

Thank you, hun!!!

1. What’s a unique skill they have? Is their any reason why they can do it?

Wren - Well, she can sing because she’s naturally good at it, can play piano, guitar, and drums because she’s gone to school for music and learned, and she can dance because she did burlesque. The latter was to get by with doing something she enjoyed, and performing was fun for her. Other than that, I think the most unique skill she has is her talent for throwing knives. That one was stumbled upon when she was drinking with Hurk jr and Sharky. And she’s really great with the Latin language. She studied it in college and is fluent.

Whit - I guess...I don’t think she does. Girl can cook like a legend, and her painting? Mind-blowing. I don’t know if this counts, but she does have an affinity for natural poisons. She stumbled across it when researching herbs and such for a dinner, and just...something sort of caught her eye. Nancy made the off comment about how too much of something can be a bad thing, and it went from there. Her first victim was almost Mable. Whit felt a bit powerless with just being the wife of the Father, while Faith, Jacob, and John had power of their own--dangerous in their own right. This was something that was close to her wheelhouse and provided her with power and made her a threat.

5. What’s their reputation like? Does this reputation contrast what they’re really like?

Wren - yes and no. Wren’s reputation...depends on who you ask, because she’s...a bit of a snake in the grass when she needs to be. Those who know her, know her reputation is being a loyal and loving person, someone who is stubborn and committed. Most people say she’s wrathful and dangerous, and yes, all of this correct. But there are things that get a bit lost from one person to another. The biggest part of her reputation is that she’s a traitor, which...is accurate, even if she doesn’t see it that way. Her reputation changes throughout her canon, and she does redeem herself, but she’s mostly known for being the Dark Siren of the Henbane (after Faith dies), the Judge of Eden’s Gate, and people fear her just as much as they fear the others. Especially because she knows so much about the Resistance on the inside. So it starts out good, turns really bad, and then...gets a bit better in the end of New Dawn.

Whit - She’s another snake in the grass, but she’s way better at it. While Wren’s more of a siren, Whitney is more...angelic and pure, until you cross her and the tables turn. It’s obvious with Wren, it’s not so obvious with Whitney. You’ll never know if you’ve crossed her until it’s too late. You mostly hear that she’s just a housewife who is devoted to Joseph and Eden’s Gate, a warm and bubbly woman that has high standing and carries herself as such. That’s accurate. But people firmly believe she’s helpless, naïve, too innocent and stupid to really do anything else other than follow...and that’s not at all accurate. Whitney is ruthless, she will kill you with a smile on her face, and you be none the wiser until you’re choking...and she would still be smiling. Nobody knew she was married to Joseph until they were ready for people to know, and she fooled Wren and Rowan, which is saying something. When Whitney shows her true colors, it always takes people by surprise because they never see it coming.

14. Who do they go to in a crisis/emergency? Any particular reason why they choose that person?

Wren - It’s always Rowan. Ro is her best friend, the more logical of the two, and has her back throughout the Reaping. She’s someone that knows how to survive and knows Wren well enough to help her when she needs it. Rowan...is dependable. She loves Wren, cares about her, and is the sister she never had. There’s a bond of trust that’s never broken, even when things turn for the worse (Ro being conditioned and Wren marrying John.) Randy eventually becomes another person, because he’s loyal to her and also dependable and he’s another best friend that would risk his life for her, but Rowan? Rowan will always be that person when all else is lost.

Whit - It started out being Nancy and Joseph, Nancy taking the place of a caring mother and Joseph being her husband, who she has the utmost faith in. As time goes on, that changes to Wren, Mel, and Ivy. Wren is her sister-in-law, someone that’s in a similar situation and someone she can truly relate to, you know? They build a special relationship from that, they lean on each other (more Whit leaning on Wren, but that’s okay), and its something special. Mel and Ivy are Whit’s actual sisters, and of course, Mel is there for moral support even if they don’t get along that well. Ivy is the eldest, so naturally Whit turns to her for guidance when she needs it. Sometimes you just need your big sister.

27. Are they forgetful? What do they tend to forget? (plans, phone, keys, etc)

Wren - Absolutely. She’s scattered brained from time to time, she’ll lose her keys, phone, the tv remote constantly. Plans, not as much. Wren likes plans when she has that control in them. Will she go AWOL? Only if needed. She likes knowing what’s going on before rushing in, so plans aren’t really something she tends to forget, in fact, she goes over them until she has them perfectly memorized

Whit - Not a chance. Whitney is so damn organized, she knows where everything is because there’s a place for everything. If there’s something out of place, she’s not having it, and she’ll let you know that. Whitney is also a planner, so she definitely doesn’t forget that. Everything is planned out perfectly, even down to the smallest detail. Whitney is absolutely as put-together as she seems.

38. Do they get lost easily, or are they good with directions?

Wren - She can, but if she gets lost, she’s usually really good at getting herself out of it. Wren typically does a bit of research on where she’s going if it’s super new, and she’s more along the lines of “take a left at the red barn, if you make it to the bridge, you’ve gone too far” when it comes to directions. When she moved to Hope County, she was pretty quick with getting the lay of the land. She’s not completely hopeless.

Whit - Can you say completely clueless when it comes to directions and maps. Whitney can get lost in a damn grocery store. If she was stranded or was lost on a road trip, she would have a complete meltdown, crying and freaking out while on the phone with someone, and rushing around to try and get a cell signal. You have to be very thorough with your directions for her, write them down, or just buy her a damn navigation system.

#oc: wren blake #oc: whitney seed #my ocs #asks #far cry 5

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