#but anakin was going to snap soon anyway!!! he was beating people up for money under the same name palpatine gave him!!!

[tennessoui]

I'm a huge fan of your prompt fills + the pretty bird posts!! if you're willing though, I do have a question. Reading through all the PBATMB stuff, it feels like you're not into having other characters be important to mobi-wan and anakin? like padme or the unnamed student of anakin's, and I don't get why from a story-telling perspective? shouldn't new characters be introduced to keep the story going?

hey!!! so i read this at a gas station last night and then thought about it for like. two and a half hours because i want to give you a good answer because this is an interesting, valid question. (this is going to be a long rambly answer though just btw)

so two things you gotta understand about what i love most about AUs of canon + how I write Obikin.

First, the thing I love most about AUs (mob aus, pirate aus, modern aus, canon divergence aus etc etc) is that i like that it's basically saying: "these two characters are so important to each other that their relationship transcends their setting. they'd have strong feelings for each other no matter what the rest of the context of the story is." i love that. I love that that's implicit in every AU ever.

And second, I've talked about this a ton (usually in tags or ask answers) but my favorite Obikin is the kind where they're just so obsessed with each other that there's no room for anyone else romantically in their lives. A lot of my stories have pining/mutual idiots in love/obliviousness as a major plot factor, but in all of them, once they realize they love each other and are loved in return, yeah!! it's over for them!!! in my mind theyre together f o r e v e r

one of the things that made me start writing PBATMB was because I was really interested in playing with that idea of mutual obsession. I think there's honestly healthy mutual obsession (though it probably definitely isn't called that) where they just love each other so much (Keeping Up With The Skywalker-Kenobis for example, where they're in love and get married but they have friends and kids and colleagues)

but I really wanted to explore unhealthy, extreme mutual obsession. so I chose an AU where some aspects of the characters (Obi-Wan's need for control and Anakin's anger/violence) could be explored in a world that's dark and twisted and operating just outside of the law. That sort of setting let me really explore and heighten the strong canon connection between obikin. and i really wanted to push it towards unhealthy, towards extremes, on the opposite end of the spectrum from KUWSK.

Even Use My Body To Break Your Fall, while heavily leaning towards unhealthy mutual obsession, falls short of PBATMB. Sith!Obi-Wan dials back and changes his behavior because of Civilian!Anakin's attachment to the people around him.

But in PBATMB, they don't need anyone else because they have each other. Sure, they came into the story with family (Ahsoka for Anakin and Cody(&Rex) for Obi-Wan) and that's respected, but they have each other now. they're each other's often highest priority and obsession. It's cloying, it's terrible, it only works because they're both equally terrible. In different ways of course, but in my mind their first and primary characteristic is that they're in love with each other to the point of absolute insanity.

So there can't be a Padmé for Anakin. He wouldn't want one. He doesn't need friends (and I don't think any Padmé of mine would become friends with PBATMB!Anakin. She's too smart. Something's just off enough about him). There's no Bail or Quinlan Vos for Obi-Wan. He doesn't need them. He wouldn't want them.

I'm not really into the idea of them showing people genuine kindness, not outside of their immediate circle of family (like not killing someone). I'm just honestly not sure if they're capable of it. Yeah they can fake it, but I don't think they'd be able to genuinely inconvenience/risk themselves for someone else, someone who will never mean as much as they do to each other.

And honestly that's probably really hard for a lot of people to read at this point, because there's no upward growth. They're terrible. They remain terrible. Anakin would do terrible things to ensure his and Obi-Wan and their family's safety. Obi-Wan would do the same. From the beginning, I've been trying to write a story about people who are terrible. Borderline evil but genuinely in love. I wanted to see if I could. I like what I've come up with, but I do understand why some people might feel like it's just the same thing over and over again and I 100% respect that.

#asks #PBATMB #wow this is so long im sorry #i hope it at least makes sense @anon #what i didn't mention but what i always find interesting #is that so many of the asks i get for PBATMB seem to come with the implicit pov #that anakin is somehow more sane or more normal than mobi-wan #i always like those asks but i'm always afraid im answering them wrong when all i can think to say is #'he's just as bad!!! he's terrible!! evil!! his fighting name is vader!!! he kills people and pretends hes vader #so he doesn't have to deal with the emotions!!! yes obi-wan made it worse by giving him the job to kill more people #but anakin was going to snap soon anyway!!! he was beating people up for money under the same name palpatine gave him!!! #he seemed more normal in the very first chapter of PBATMB i'll give u that #but even then he isn't completely and he devolves!!!!' #i think thats much more interesting in my mind and definitely for me to write #and it definitely makes the relationship more equal power dynamic wise which is really important to me #i don't want anyone to be the victim #i want both of them to just equally be insanely into each other past the point of all reason and saving #thats the extreme mutual obsession at the heart of PBATMB #i remember when i first started this au and i had the idea to make anakin have a dark past and not just a civilian #i was like 'well i can do an au maybe where anakin's a civilian if people like that idea better' #but its been a few months now and i cannot do that anymore not to my PBATMB anakin he deserves to keep being feral #he deserves to be just as terrible. as a treat. #everything would be messed up if he was a civilian

[phoenixyfriend]

Rex and Anakin Raise a Family: Part Three

Part One, Part Two -- Chrono

---------------

The house they’ve acquired has two bedrooms. They only use one.

(There’d been panic, that first night, waking up alone. He’d shaken and gasped and felt his heart beat out of his chest, unable to move until something gave. Nothing did.)

(The General had felt it, had woken up from Rex’s own panic and rushed in to remind him that he still had someone left, and Rex had snapped out of his fear and into his grief.)

(He’d bottled it back up by morning, but they didn’t sleep apart anymore.)

The bed is big enough for two people to sleep apart, if with an unfortunate tendency to smack hands across faces in one’s sleep. There’s room on the floor for the crib, and a desk in the corner that neither of them have used yet. The armoire that the house came with is beautifully crafted, but empty save for Anakin’s outer robe. What little they’ve bought so far has been for the twins, and that’s all sorted with military precision into the drawer chest.

It’s nearly first light when one of the twins start fussing. Rex had been ready to wake up anyway, and rolls out of bed before Anakin can fully come out of drowsing. He makes his way over to the shared crib, finds that it’s Leia making noise, and picks her up.

“Buir’s got you,” he mutters, carefully bouncing her as he makes his way back to the bed. He hopes, however futile it may be, that Luke won’t hear her across the room.

“Rex?” Anakin mutters, fighting his way awake.

“Go back to sleep, General, I’ve got this,” Rex tells him.

Anakin ignores him, which is patently unsurprising. The man leverages himself up, rubbing sleep from his eyes. “Give ‘er here.”

“General, I’ve got it,” Rex insists. “Go back to sleep.”

His general scoots back to lean against the headboard and starts tugging open his sleep shirt. “It’s been a week, Captain.”

Oh. That.

...his chest does look swollen. Rex hesitates to call them anything approaching ‘breasts,’ especially since Anakin had confirmed that he still identified as undeniably male, but there’s definitely some bulge there that wasn’t before. It’s not quite enough for the nipple to point down the way Rex is pretty sure most breastfeeding mothers’ do, but there’s something.

Rex hesitates. “Do you feel... uh, full?”

Anakin smiles, bags under his eyes. He reaches out for his daughter. “Enough to give it a try.”

When Leia is in his arms, Anakin carefully guides her little head to where she can latch on to one side. It’s a little awkward, given the aforementioned lack of heft making it point out instead of down, but she gets the hang of it after a few seconds. Anakin makes a face once the suckling starts in earnest, but rubs at Leia’s head and mutters encouragement at her nonetheless.

“Feels weird?” Rex asks, shifting back until he can lean against the headboard as well, shoulder to shoulder with his general.

“Yeah, kinda,” Anakin says. “Good weird, though. Like I’m doing something right.”

“The pamphlet mentioned that breastfeeding usually releases hormones in both the parent and child to encourage connection, right?” Rex paraphrases. “Maybe that’s it.”

“Yeah,” Anakin says.

Rex watches the man start to smile softly, an expression that’s been damned rare since this whole mess started. He’s happy for his general to find happiness in his children, if nothing else.

“You called yourself buir,” Anakin says softly, adjusting Leia a little as she hits at his chest a little. “Good.”

“You said I was family for them,” Rex says. He reaches out and brushes a finger over Leia’s cheek. He can’t help his little smile anymore than Anakin could. “So, yeah, I’m going to encourage that.”

There’s little noises coming from the crib again, soon after. Rex gets up and fetches Luke, whispers nonsense comfort at him until he gets back in the bed, and then glances at Anakin’s chest with doubt. The meaning is clear enough.

“Leia’s almost done, and they’re small,” Anakin assures him. “I can hold both. They’ll probably need a bottle later, though.”

“Not enough production capacity?”

“I’ve got twins, Rex.”

They get Luke settled easily enough, and then a few minutes later, Leia’s done.

Anakin doesn’t pass her back over immediately, just stares down, unfocused and silent.

“Sir?”

Anakin doesn’t budge.

Rex hopes this is just Force osik again. He puts a hand on Anakin’s shoulder and squeezes.

The man inhales sharply, eyes watering. “Oh.”

“General.”

“I--a vision. I don’t usually get them when I’m awake, and--oh, honey, you are going to look so much like your mother,” Anakin whispers, staring at Leia with teary adoration. “You’re going to be lovely as the stars and twice as dangerous, yes you are.”

Good things, then. They’ve had too much bad news for Rex to take this as anything other than a positive. He reaches out with both hands, and Anakin reluctantly hands a baby over.

“Hello, sweetheart,” Rex tells her, and feels Anakin hitch a wet laugh next to him. “Do you think we should let your Papa rest? I do. Let’s get you dressed for the day while he finishes up with your brother.”

“Papa?” Anakin asks wryly, adjusting Luke in his arms.

“Easier for them to say the first few years, and I liked the way it sounded when you said it a few days ago,” Rex says, shifting to his feet. “That or ‘Daddy,’ but I figured she looks like the type to say Papa.”

“Hm,” Anakin says, his eyes far away. “I guess there wasn’t... I didn’t spend much time in the creche, and nobody was really calling anyone a father.”

“Tubies,” Rex says, but doesn’t elaborate. He focuses on changing Leia into a lavender onesie, and how she glares up at him as fiercely as a rancor. Here and now, trooper. There’s lives counting on you.

“You want to change Luke while I handle breakfast?” Anakin asks, coming up behind him on too-quiet feet.

“Sounds like a plan, sir,” Rex says. He feels a hand on his elbow, and turns a shade.

“I’m stable, now,” Anakin says, quiet and guilty. “I can handle the twins for the day. Mourn your brothers, Captain.”

“I’m...” he isn’t sure how. “We need to figure out money, how we’re going to support--”

“Rex,” Anakin says, stepping closer and looking down with eyes that are just as emotionally exhausted as Rex feels. “Please. You handled things while I was out of it, so just... let me return the favor. I’m not going to break today. Let yourself have a moment.”

“I can’t, sir.”

“I could make it an order,” Anakin says quietly. “If... if that would help.”

Rex’s eyes stay fixed on his hands, still and unseeing.

“I need to repaint my armor,” he says, because it’s all he can. “But I don’t have paint.”

“What color do you need?” Anakin asks.

“Grey,” he says. “Black.”

He brushes the backs of his knuckles on Leia’s cheeks. “I’ll... keep some of the blue and white.”

The plastoid would get him laughed out of any Mandalorian bar, even now before the clone armies are a twinkle in anyone’s eye, but it’s his. And he needs to have it mean something more than just his legion. The 501st doesn’t even exist, so the colors only mean what the Mandalorians say, and--and what meaning Rex gives them.

He’s not even Mando’ade, not really.

“Rex?”

“Would you be willing to go into town with me?” Rex asks, his voice catching and cracking on the words. “When I buy the paint.”

“Of course,” Anakin says. “Do you want to go today?”

“I... yeah. That would be nice.”

“Then we’ll go today. After breakfast.”

---------------

Armor colors and meanings for Mandalorians, per Wookiepedia: Gray=Mourning a Lost Love (which I am interpreting as including non-romantic love) Black=Justice Blue=Reliability White= A New Start

#Rexwalker #Captain Rex #Anakin Skywalker #Skywalker Twins #time travel #grief #Rex and Anakin Raise a Family #Phoenix Posts #male lactation #breastfeeding