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foli-vora · 1 year

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one step at a time: ch 4.

pero tovar x f!reader

masterlist | series masterlist

a/n: sorry for the delay - easter was a busy time with the fam. i still haven't found time to update my taglist so i'm super sorry about that - i know i've got a few new additions, but i'll try and organise it all over the weekend. hope you enjoy the new chapter x

word count: 3k

warnings: swearing, mentions of food and tovar’s appetite, my new favourite oc's, smidgens of fluff and working into some feelings but this burn be slow-ish, he finds your book porn lmao

! please note that this story is for 18+ only due to future explicit scenes !

“Stop moving.”

“I’m not moving—”

“You are moving.”

He grumbles quietly to himself and shifts under the towel you placed around his shoulders, an obvious tension radiating from them. Your tongue peaks out from between your lips as you comb through a lock of his wet hair and make a somewhat straight cut with your kitchen scissors, tilting your head in focus when you ruffle out and study the freshly trimmed tresses.

“I mean, it could be worse.”

“Very reassuring, loquita, thank you,” he mutters sarcastically, shaking his head and raking his fingers through the damp strands.

“Keep up with the attitude and I’ll cut it all off,” you warn sweetly, chuckling when he throws you a frown over his shoulder. “Well, there’s no bald patches so I think I did okay. Can I dry it?”

“If you like.”

You reach for the hairdryer and turn it on, jumping in shock when he suddenly launches up from the chair and whirls on you in surprise, his fingers grasping at the towel like a damn lifeline. He stares at the contraption in distrust, and you click it off slowly, fighting the grin desperately tugging at your cheeks and holding it up in surrender.

“It’s fine, Tovar,” you reassure, “it’s just a hairdryer—it blows out hot air. Just trust me, okay? It won’t hurt you.”

After a moment of studying your face and the hairdryer, he eventually sinks back into the chair and stiffens when you turn it back on, before relaxing somewhat when you gently start to dry his hair. You smile when he starts to lean into your touch, appreciating the firm drag of your nails against his scalp with a calm hum.

You probably spend a bit too long merely playing with his hair, content to just give him a bit of peace but also finding yourself enjoying the way he softens at your touch, the tension slowly seeping away until he’s practically jelly against the back of the chair.

His hair is long dried by the time you step back with a quiet clearing of your throat, clicking off the hairdryer and slowly sliding the towel from his shoulders.

“All done,” you murmur, wondering why your heart suddenly felt like it was going to launch itself out of your chest.

It’s not him, obviously. You barely know the man. Maybe it’s just nice to be close to someone again, especially with it being so long since your last relationship. You’d lost interest in finding a partner a while ago, over the mere ‘hump and dump' culture taking over the dating scene and instead just focusing on work.

Yeah, that’s all it is.

It’s not him.

“Thank you,” he rumbles quietly, ruffling his soft hair with a rough hand and standing from the chair.

He turns, intending to take the chair back to your small dining table but you’re already halfway there to do it yourself, and your hands clash. It doesn’t help calm the wild beat of your heart. His skin is warm, the back of his hand surprisingly soft despite how calloused his palms are—

You pull away immediately, weakening from the horrific feel of heat washing along your skin, “Oh, I’m sorry—”

“No, the fault is mine—”

He clears his throat, dark eyes finding a sudden interest in the flooring while you desperately try to step around his frame. He unknowingly steps in your way, causing your front to bump into his, and his hands quickly come up to curl around your arms to steady you in surprise. You inhale sharply at his sudden proximity, eyes wide as they dart up to meet and bounce between his.

“God, sorry. I’ll um… yeah, sorry,” you breathe, desperately ignoring the heat of his palms radiating through the thin sleeves of your tee and how it stirs something to life in the pit of your stomach. It’s not him—you’re just horny. Fuck. “I didn’t mean—sorry—”

“Say sorry one more time, loquita,” he mutters in amusement, lips tugging up into a barely there smirk that does nothing to help your little internal freakout, “I don’t think I heard you the first hundred times.”

You snort, shoving his shoulder softly, “Sorry. I uh… I’ve got a bit of hair on me, so I’m gonna take a quick shower, and then we can think about lunch. No point asking if you’re hungry because I know you are.”

He hums as you step past him, pleased with the idea of food, despite only just finishing a party bag size of barbecue crisps only moments before you had wrangled him down for a haircut. And a box of pop tarts before those. And two bowls of cereal before that.

You’d have to take out a damn loan if he keeps eating the way he does. Your modest savings had taken a noticeable hit due to the new appearance that your carefully crafted budget didn’t plan for. It’s not like you expect a bloody time travelling hitch hiker to be one of your expected expenses.

It’ll be fine—he wouldn’t be hanging around for too long, and you can always make up for your losses with extra projects down the track. You just needed to focus on getting him home. You’re still at a complete loss with it all, unsure of what exactly to type into Google. There’s not a wikiHow on how to return someone to the past… or an alternate timeline… or wherever the fuck he came from.

Most of your time in the shower is spent frowning at the tile wall, lost in your thoughts and the potential whys and what ifs. Answers would have to be somewhere, you just needed to be patient. Determined.

He’s lounging on the couch when you eventually emerge from the shower, your favourite big fluffy bath towel tucked firmly around your body as you make a quick detour to the fridge to grab a drink. He doesn’t bother looking up at you as you pass, too busy engrossed in the book spread open in his hands.

You pause as you reach the kitchen, a frown starting to develop between your brows as you vaguely recall the cover. Wait, is he…? No, no, no—

Spinning around, you hastily make your way over to the couch and reach to snatch the book out of his hands in a slight panic. He dives out of the way by rolling from the couch, a roguish grin working its way along his lips as he looks gleefully up at you.

“What is this?”

“Tovar, put the book down—”

“Loquita, this… this is obscene. Is this what literature is now?”

He’s fucking delighted.

What a monster.

“That’s a big word for you, caveman, and I’m surprised you even know what a book is—” you snap, hoping a little insult will throw him off track for just a few seconds for you to make a move for the book.

Heat grows along your chest and rises to your cheeks as he starts to read aloud a rather descriptive paragraph, his smile growing and growing as you desperately step around the couch and try to rip it out of his hands. He evades your reach again, the rough rasp of his laughter filling the room.

“This is a hungry woman… three men at once? What a handful. You are not at all what I had first thought, loquita. What kind of filthy, depraved thoughts reside in that head of yours?”

Dick.

“Wouldn’t you like to know! And I will not be shamed for reading and enjoying erotica in my own damn apartment,” you argue with a vicious point of your finger before giving up on trying to retrieve the book and instead standing with your arms crossed tightly across your chest, “there’s nothing wrong with it. Besides, it’s a good book.”

He grins deviously, “I’m sure it is.”

“Okay, I’m done with this conversation. I’m going to my room to be alone because you’re annoying me—”

“Don’t forget your book, loquita. A trusty companion to keep you company when alone, no?”

He’s teasing—you see the shine of it in his eyes. You swallow, ignoring the angry heat biting at the tip of your ears and the way your heart jumps at the sparkle of mischief creeping into his expression. You can play, too.

Shrugging, you step up to him and snatch the book from his grasp, holding it defensively to your chest. “It is actually—I enjoy how hot and bothered it makes me. Drives me crazy sometimes.”

A tinge of pink fills his cheeks and you grin, taking it as a victory and leaving him, for once, with nothing to say. You wait until you’re in the comfort of your bedroom, the door shut firmly against your back, to take a deep breath in an attempt to gain some control back over your wild heart.

—

It’s not food waiting for you when you answer the knock on your door. Arthur stands somewhat defensively on your welcome mat, eyes narrowed in guarded suspicion but giving way to relief when they find you well and unharmed.

“Oh,” you mutter, “it’s you.”

“I just wanted to see how you’re going,” he says stiffly, eyes flicking over your shoulder no doubt in search of Tovar.

“Well I’m alive,” you drawl sarcastically, crossing your arms over your chest. “If I was dead, you’ve left it a little too late to check. I’d be leaking fluids all over my floor by now.”

“Oh, you two,” comes an impatient voice from behind him, and soon Arthur’s getting shoved gently out of the way.

You soften at the appearance of Charlie, fixing his blue paisley ascot tucked beneath his chin and draped in his favourite Burberry coat. He rolls his eyes at the both of you, briefly pausing to press a soft kiss to your cheek before pushing past and letting himself into your apartment with a fresh wave of expensive cologne, dumping the paper bags of take out onto your cluttered coffee table.

“Enough snark. Artie has come to apologise, and you—being the kind, sweet soul you are—obviously forgive him. Now, where is he?” Charlie smiles, looking around for your new, temporary roommate in excitement.

“He’s washing up—he’ll be out in a sec. What have you told him?” You ask Arthur as he steps in after brushing his shoes off on the mat.

Arthur shrugs, “Everything you told me. He’s very excited—you know how much he loves Outlander.”

“At least he believes me.”

He throws you a small look of annoyance tinged with regret, and sighs. “I’m sorry, it just—it's hard to believe, alright? But I am sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, and I shouldn’t have let you leave like that. Especially alone.”

Nodding, you roll your jaw and study the blank, nameless bags Charlie starts to fuss with.

“What’s in the bags?”

“Enchiladas.”

“Okay,” you grin after a moment, wrapping an arm around Arthur’s waist and squeezing softly, “you’re forgiven.”

Arthur returns the half hug with a quiet chuckle and presses a firm kiss to the crown of your head, “I thought they might help.”

You’re settling on the floor with a grateful smile directed at Charlie when the bathroom door suddenly is wrenched open, and you notice Arthur come to stand a little straighter in the corner of your vision. Charlie looks up in interest from organising the food, a grin slowly curling his lips.

“Well, look at you,” he coos, eyeing Tovar appreciatively as he falters in the doorway of the bathroom, unsure of the new company. Charlie steps forward and around the couch eagerly, brandishing a hand with a charming grin. “I’m Charles, you’ve already met Arthur.”

Tovar eyes the hand warily before stepping forward and giving it a firm shake. He stays quiet, cautious eyes flicking to Arthur where he leans back against the kitchen counter. You see the fight or flight in his eyes, feeling slightly sorry for bombarding him with a new face and another that wasn’t too kind to him previously.

He’ll be alright. You’re sure he’s been faced with worse in his life than your two adopted gay uncles.

You glance up from the food and give him a look. “Tovar, don’t be rude—say hello.”

His frown deepens before he finally gives a quiet, begrudging, “Hello.”

“Trained him well, I see,” Arthur grumbles, quieting when you direct your soft glare to him.

“They’ve come to see how you’re settling in,” you say, bringing Tovar’s attention your way and you give him a small nod of encouragement. “They also bought you some food—are you still hungry?”

It’s a stupid question, but at least it brings him out from where he hovers in the doorway. You notice he sticks close to you, much closer than usual, sinking down beside you on the floor when half of the couch and the armchair is free. He stays quiet, yet incredibly vigilant, eyes constantly bouncing between the men and assessing the threat level as he eats.

“It’s okay, Tovar,” you murmur while Charlie is midway through one of his spiels, and his dark eyes flash to you immediately, “they’re family. You can relax—I won’t leave you alone with them.”

You say it playfully, teasingly, but a flash of appreciation rolls through his gaze before it disappears, and his attention falls back to his food. You watch him for a moment longer, unaware of the little smile that sticks tugging at your lips and the small look Charlie shares with Arthur.

Four pairs of eyes flash to the door when a knock sounds off on it, and you huff sharply, slapping your hands on the floor beside you as you push up to stand.

“About time! Guaranteed delivery under thirty minutes my ass.”

—

Tovar doesn’t warm up easily, you find, which comes as a little shock as he seems quite at ease with you. Sure, he answers any questions thrown at him, but they are always curt, simple answers, never giving away too much information or leading into stories of his memories or how he got here.

It doesn’t bother Charlie in the least, and he rambles enough to keep the conversation going long into the evening. It’s nice to have a small sense of normality after the few confusing and mentally draining days you’ve had. You could pretend, for a little while at least, that you didn’t run over a mysterious time travelling mercenary and that you have his armour and weapons taking up space on the floor in your closet.

You don’t think about wormholes or alternate timelines, or magic, or gods. You just be, and Tovar eventually starts to mimic your calm energy, sinking back into the cushions of the couch and kicking up his sock clad feet onto the coffee table as he watches the conversation from the sidelines.

He still stays as far from your uncles as he could, ensuring you take up the space between him and Arthur on the couch, but at least the look of wary, careful defence gives way to an ease and comfortability. He even stands with you to see Charlie and Arthur out, standing just behind your shoulder and nodding his goodbyes as they disappear down the hall.

“Look at you,” you grin, bumping his shoulder with yours as you return to your places on the couch after the door shuts firmly behind you, “such a ray of sunshine and a major conversationalist. God, I couldn’t get you to stop talking. Who are you?”

He huffs at your gentle teasing, following you quietly with a barely there smile creeping along his lips, “They’re nice.”

You soften, smiling widely up at him from where you lounge on the couch, “They are. They’re very important to me. Charlie can be a bit much, but you handled him wonderfully. I think he’s rather smitten with you.”

Tovar snorts, knocking your feet from where they take up his spot beside you and letting himself fall back into the cushions with a tired sigh. He taps his lap, and you frown questioningly at him before he rolls his eyes in slight impatience and hooks a hand around your ankles, dragging your feet back up and to rest over his lap.

“Arthur does not like me,” he grumbles, turning to focus on the TV and watching the moving pictures eagerly, “not that I care. I do not like him.”

You swallow, suddenly unable to get a single fucking word out from your dry throat, still caught up on the ease of what had just transpired. It’s not a romantic act—hell, you’d used your friends as footstools too many times to count in the past, but it felt odd with Tovar. It was new.

He must be beginning to feel comfortable with you, and the thought brings a wash of something electric to your system. You feel proud, pleased that you hadn’t scared him further in an already disarming situation, and instead had built an agreeable atmosphere for him with you, that he could feel safe and discover this scary new world in his own time.

There was that feeling again, behind the pride and the warmth of your slowly but surely developing friendship. The one you had felt earlier when gently carding your fingers through his hair. You refuse to label it as anything of substance. You’re simply lonely, suddenly in the full time company of an attractive man with a hidden personality you’re steadily uncovering bit by bit.

That’s all.

A small inkling of doubt sticks in the pit of your stomach, merely intensifying when you watch him from your peripheral. You feel the jump of your heart in your chest, the almost nervous twist of your stomach… maybe it wasn’t just loneliness bringing forward these little reactions, but it wouldn’t—couldn’t—change anything.

Tovar was not a man of your world. He had a life elsewhere—friends, family… he needed to return to it. You’d taken on the responsibility of finding a way home for him, and you’d be damned if you failed him, growing feelings or not.

He sighs, bringing you out from your train of thought.

“I’m hungry.”

“Fucking hell, Tovar.”

taglist 1: @maievdenoir, @javier-pena, @lv7867, @dihra-vesa, @katronautt, @radiowallet, @januarystears, @missminkylove, @beskarprincessjenny, @mswarriorbabe80, @danidrabbles, @amneris21, @eri16, @absurdthirst, @hnt-escape, @acourtofsnakes, @ezrasbirdie, @mstgsmy66, @lovesbiggerthanpride, @coaaster, @sherala007, @greeneyedblondie44, @wyn-n-tonic, @you-got-me-starry-eyed, @shirks-all-responsibilities, @withasideofmeg, @harriedandharassed, @andruxx, @buckybarneshairpullingkink, @spideysimpossiblegirl, @prostitute-robot-from-the-future, @tanzthompson, @mad-girl-without-a-box, @hope-for-the-best-98, @fangirl-316, @christina-loves, @jediknight122, @hallway5, @xoxabs88xox, @nicolethered, @churchill356, @massivecolorspygiant, @just-here-for-the-moment, @gracie7209, @pinkie289, @lavenderluna10, @goodgriefitsawildworld

#pero tovar x reader #pero tovar x f!reader #pero tovar x you #pero tovar #pedro pascal x reader

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squireofgeekdom · 5 months

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haven't done a writing update in a minute, outside of doing wip memes, so --

meet in the middle, chapter 26, the very last chapter -- I think I last counted this at 35 scenes, now I'm counting it at 33, with three of those scenes not having been placed in the outline, i'm pretty sure i've shuffled and consolidated some things, also i may just be off in my counting, who the fuck even knows what i'm doing. Anyway, 7 of those are almost entirely complete, 13 are partially done with 4 of those being more than half done, and 13 are not started.

damn. usually breaking it down like that helps me realize i'm further along than i thought but uhhhhh this really just reminds me how much further i've got. and it's been over a year. trust me, no one is more frustrated at how long this is taking or wants this fic to be done more than i do. cheerleading is. welcome if you want to. That said, all told, writing and outlining and notes and all, the draft is already 8k/30 pages, so it's not nothin, and I do really love some of the scenes I'm finally getting to writing/finishing, and I feel like I've got a bit of momentum. Just gotta keep coming back. 2024 guys, 2024. (knock on wood)

Other things I'm working on - you think a year and change is a while, the Believe AU series hasn't been updated in two+ years cause whoops, that did in fact grow a plot and an ending and it took a hot minute to figure that out. There are four fics left, and the very last one is with my first reader! (thanks M!)

Things that I've started more recently include two Lucius & Fayeth fics, for High Rollers Aerois, inspired by my relisten through (which I've almost finished up!) The first is actually Fayeth & Aridan centric, tentatively titled 'for I cannot turn yet', structured around three scenes, one of which is done, one of which is partially done, and one of which is still notes

The second Lucius & Fayeth fic is tentatively titled 'many rings', which has four scenes mostly/partially written, and then a big ending montage and set piece I still need to break down

As for more things I've been working on for a long ass time - I started 'we both are' shortly after watching the kenobi series, so well over a year now - it's a reva & obi-wan centric fic, to absolutely no one's surprise. I've been making some progress on it recently, it's got 3 scenes pretty much complete, 8 scenes partially finished with 4 of those more than halfway done, and 5 scenes not started.

Plus, a bonus - if you've heard me mention Somnolence or #somnolence fic fuel, that's my post-canon Insomniac Spider-Man 2 fic concept, that's currently just 3k/9pages of notes and bits of writing, but hey, it has a title and a summary - it, in fact, weirdly had a title and a summary before i managed to put a single word of it on page. if you like the weird mindscape/dreamscape kind of stuff i've done in a fair few of my fics, it's going to have lots of that, and if you looked at the spider man 2 symbiote/symbiote hive mind stuff and thought 'this could be weirder and hornier', it should be up your alley XD

anyway, writing! it's a thing i do sometimes.

#squire talks #mitm #believe au #we both are #qpp: you wake up married #somnolence fic fuel

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miaouerie · 3 years

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[coda] a pyrrhic victory/an elpidian daydream

this coda marks my first multichapter fic wrapped up and completed!!! so here’s some more related ramblings as a way for me to commemorate this milestone n___n

with the nonlinear narrative I thought I’d include a linked timeline for the chapters in case anyone (like me lol) wants to read the story in chronological order. then there’s some further explanation of what I’ve dubbed ~the jeron’s death conspiracy~ and notes from characterization I wasn’t able to include directly in the story, but were still important regardless...

furthermore, I want to thank @ninelanterns, @atthelamppost, and @sadieandor for following along with this story, as well as anyone else who came along for the adventure. this is definitely a darkfic as far as rebelcaptain goes but I hope that both endings were satisfying in their own ways !!

1. an actual chronological table of contents

Before Cassian is reaped:

day 15

Cassian’s time in the Games:

days 2, 9, 5, 18

What came after that:

days 6, 7, 11, 13, 14, 22, 26◆

Jeron dies:

days 20, 8, 25

Jyn is reaped and Cassian mentors her:

days 1, 3, 4, 12, 10, 16, 17◆, 19◆, 21, 23, 24, 27, 28, 29, 30

After Jyn wins her Games:

bonus chapter, day 31

◆ = chapters that are about trauma concurrent to most of the story, and loosely placed chronologically

2. the Jeron conspiracy

I decided to do a summary for this because I changed my plan slightly after posting day 8: “don’t say goodbye”/abandoned due to some inspiration from @ninelanterns; originally I was going to have snow have cassian brainwashed into genuinely believing that irga and his father were killed by someone with a grudge against them and the capitol (aka someone closely related to a tribute who died under their mentorship) in order to use him as a mouthpiece against those plotting against the capitol; the angst would’ve been from him finding out the truth and hating that his dad’s suicide was used for the capitol’s means. but then I got the idea to have snow brainwash cassian into believing that the “accident” his father and irga died in was actually his fault, because he told jeron the truth of what snow was doing to him in the capitol:

Snow sells Cassian “under the table” until he turns 19, which is when he has Cassian adopt a new persona that can be better capitalized on. Jeron realizes that Cassian’s faking it, suspects that Cassian has been hiding his victimhood this entire time, and when he confirms it realizes there’s no other way to get Cassian out of it; Snow certainly won’t let him sub in to mentor. Suicide is his solution to both Cassian’s problem and his guilt over not being able to protect his son.

Snow has Irga killed in the same way that Jeron kills himself to let Cassian and Lila know that Snow knows it was a suicide. Suicide is the ultimate refutation of Snow’s power—as well as the complete antithesis to any victor’s innate clinging to survival—so Snow has it covered up: Cassian, as one of two people to know the truth about Jeron’s suicide and Irga’s death, is tortured and brainwashed into believing that Jeron and Irga were killed in a power plant explosion as retribution for him disobeying Snow. Doing so serves two purposes: installing the cover-up and guarantees Cassian’s submission.

Before his death Jeron wrote a suicide note, knowing that he couldn’t kill himself and leave Cassian without an explanation. He knows that Snow will have their house stripped and searched, so he hides the note in what was designated to be Cassian’s house. He couldn’t have known it would be the one thing that would break through the brainwashing; if Cassian hadn’t found it, he would have continued to believe that it was all his fault.

Draven does his own investigation into Jeron and Irga’s deaths after witnessing the whiplash that was Cassian’s first three years as an unwilling victor whore, his outrageous personality flip after turning ninteen, and how his demeanor changed after undergoing “therapy” to cope with Jeron’s death. He finds out that Jeron’s death was a suicide, Irga’s death was retribution, and that Snow has an entire program to monetize and exploit victors after their Games.

3. getting from day 1 to 31?!

when I originally thought of this AU it was more about the angst that growing up in the limelight of the capitol as the son of a victor would be like, with constant camera crews as cassian was growing up, betting pools on when he was going to be reaped, etc. and more of an emphasis on the issues that cassian (as part of the pseudo-celebrity class that victors occupy in the capitol) would have trying to promote this fake relationship with jyn during the games to save her. there was also going to be a straight downer ending, with the closing scene being cassian telling jyn that they have to fake a relationship now in front of the cameras and jyn having a “what have you done?” moment

I deliberately did not go in depth with what jeron’s life as a victor was like, partly because plotting both jyn and cassian’s hunger games was already a Lot (I found out pretty quickly that you have to start with planning the arena first, in order to plan tribute deaths and sponsor gifts...) but jeron was an underdog winner, as are most of the victors from non-career districts. lila was pregnant around the time that jeron was reaped and esperanza, their first child, was born some time before jeron’s victory tour. snow had their daughter killed because of something jeron did/didn’t do on the tour; even though jeron and lila are shaken from the loss they agree to be open to having another child, provided that jeron doesn’t do anything to put the child at risk ever again.... but cassian would’ve gotten reaped regardless because there is no way snow wouldn’t have exploited the family drama!!! but cassian’s reaping creates a rift that is referenced in day 15: accidents. and even though jeron is successful in saving cassian that isn’t the end of it; while lila isn’t privy to what cassian is going through she can feel a marked difference each year he comes back in the way that mothers do, as well as the tension between father and son (cassian’s fear of jeron finding out as he’s dragged deeper and deeper vs. jeron’s suspicion that something wrong is happening that has to do with cassian), which all culminates in the year that cassian turns nineteen with jeron’s death. when her husband arrived in district 5 before cassian did he didn’t tell lila about their son being a horndog in the capitol, but lila seeing cassian after he finally gets back five weeks later confirms her worst fears. then she’s the one that discovers jeron’s body and is present when the peacekeepers come to take cassian back to the capitol. her son is gone for a month....... then when he comes back he’s spouting lies about jeron’s death even though both of them saw the body??? yeah, that’s why she nopes on out of victors’ village. after jeron’s death her and cassian don’t see each other for four years until cassian brings jyn home from the games

jyn’s backstory came together quickly but I had considered having bodhi be one of the tributes who died under cassian’s mentorship. bodhi and jyn would’ve been close friends so jyn would have already had that vendetta against cassian; it would’ve made hitting that original ending easier but having jyn be against cassian from the very start would’ve made it less plausible that they could earn each other’s trust before the start of jyn’s games............. while I wanted this story to be dark and depressing I still wanted it to have a reciprocated rebelcaptain end game, so :’)

it wasn’t until day 28 (the cassian/finnick noncon) that I got an idea for a not-so-horrible ending, and I blame the completely depressingly hopeless whump in that chapter for making me think “hmm maybe this shouldn’t end terribly” :’D btw, if anyone noticed I forgot annie cresta is in canon the 70th hunger games victor. for someone who’s neurotic about looking up details I have no idea how this fact escaped me because I didn’t notice until at least halfway through whumptober, so we’ll just say in this AU she’s the 71st victor. this weaves in nicely with my headcanon that after snow saw how easily cassian was manipulated when someone he loved was on the line, he had annie reaped to exert more control over finnick (which happens to be my favorite kind of odesta fic tbh). anyway after writing 3k of depressing andair (andor/odair ship name? ok i’m shutting up) cassian/finnick I had a lovely mental image of cassian and jyn cuddling on the train back home to district 5, relieved and alive, and thought that would be a more uplifting note to end on. then I remembered that I was writing this for whumptober, and decided to write the terrible ending too :’)

4. some chapter commentary because why not

[ETA later!]

5. is there no escape?

yes!!! yes they do escape:

in a pyrrhic victory, post-day 31, draven succeeds in absconding with cassian and meeting up with jyn, saw, lyra, and the rest of their resistance cell (an underground, pan-panem organization fittingly called.... the alliance). draven has to cut out cassian’s implant before they rendezvous with the group, which he ropes a medical professional into doing (he may or may not kill them afterwards); it’s the only mark cassian bears on his body until he starts getting freckles from being in the sun again. similar to mockingjay in how peeta’s hijacking was treated with therapy in district 13, cassian undergoes actual, legitimate therapy after he and draven settle in with the alliance HQ. draven hovers anxiously for the first several sessions because “therapy” in the capitol has a stigma, even before he read the term “extensive in-patient therapy” in cassian’s intendance records, and it does take a good while before they make any remarkable progress. but unlike katniss and peeta cassian is alright in jyn’s presence, and in fact prefers it. they’re almost always seen together, and while jyn has a good amount of guilt for leaving him behind the first time her motivation for staying with him is out of a genuine desire to help him get better so they can be with each other the same way they were in an elpidian daydream again.

in happily ever after!an elpidian daydream, cassian and jyn are able to escape together in between arriving home in district 5 and what was supposed to be jyn’s victory tour. jyn was never aware of what snow did with desirable victors because it’s really only the top 1% of panem and the victors who know about it; she and cassian escape after he tells her that he wants to leave with her, but he doesn’t tell her the real reason why he wants to escape until much later and jyn never sees the recording of cassian and finnick (but he does tell her it exists when he’s explaining the details of how snow exerts his control over the victors). their relationship progresses steadily, but the secret doesn’t come out until jyn points out that cassian is extremely passive in bed and only mirrors her desires. there’s varying attitudes towards sex in the districts vs. the libertine views in the capitol but cassian’s shame stems from his powerlessness in what he had to do Before. he receives therapy for it but jyn is patient and firm with reminding him that he had absolutely zero choice in the matter, and that she could never hate or be disgusted with him for it. there’s a lot to work through there as a result of cassian having to lie to himself about it for the first couple of years of it happening and then willingly choosing to engage with it when he was trying to save jyn, but their relationship comes out all the more stronger for it. as for what happens to draven?.... because this is the happily ever after ending I like to think he’s able to stay in the capitol and work as an agent codenamed fulcrum 🤪🤙 and that after his extraction when things get too dangerous for him in the capitol he and cassian are able to reunite again as part of the alliance/rebellion !!

#sacchi writes #i still cannot believe i did it #not only finished a multichapter but wrote 35k+ in seven weeks #and it was a 31 day challenge to boot!!!#anyway we'll be back to sacchi's regularly scheduled fluffy modern AU rebelcaptain in a bit o/#sacchi says #i'll add to this later but gotta upload these last two first!

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veliseraptor-fanfic-index · 6 years

Text

ToC for RTC

(Please comment if there are any corrections needed.)

Part 1 - I heard you killed your only friend last year

Media: None

Words: 3484

Rating: Teen & Up

Category: Gen

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Aftermath of Violence

Part 2 - Disarm

Media: None

Words: 7905

Rating: Teen & Up

Category: Gen

Tags: Pre-Slash

Part 3 - the fog won’t lift in your town

Media: None

Words: 9042

Rating: Teen & Up

Category: Gen

Tags: Pre-Slash

NB: Follows ‘Part 1 - I heard you killed your only friend’ and ‘Part 2 - Disarm’ both.

Part 4 - it’s only a paper moon

Media: None

Words: 1933

Rating: Explicit

Category: M/M

Tags: Dream Sex, Pre-Relationship, Hand Jobs

NB: Follows ‘Part 3 - the fog won’t lift in your town.’

Part 5 - Tick Tick Time

Media: None

Words: 11963

Rating: Teen & Up

Category: Gen

Tags: Pre-Slash

NB: Follows ‘Part 4 - the fog won’t lift in your town.’

Part 6 - there is love in your body (you can’t hold it in)

Media: None

Words: 1883

Rating: Explicit

Category: M/M

Tags: Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Sex With A Proxy

NB: Follows some time after ‘Part 5 - Tick Tick Time.’

Part 7 - The sun no longer shines (on your side)

Media: None

Words: 10957

Rating: Teen & Up

Category: M/M

Tags: Slash, Boys Kissing, Whump, Blood and Injury, Flirting

Part 8 - The Vivisection Mambo

Media: There’s a link to artwork, but Dreamwidth has killed it for being hotlinked.

Words: 6030

Rating: Mature

Category: Gen

Tags: Creepy, Horror, Vivisection, Obsession

Part 9 - further inside than I have ever been

Media: Title from Charlotte Gainsbourg’s The Operation. Click here for video and lyrics.

Words: 1880

Rating: Mature

Category: Gen

Tags: Torture, Vivisection, Gore, Very Nasty Fic, Hurt Loki, Whump, Creepy

NB: Occurs the first time Loki is captured by Doom. Read ‘Part 8 - The Vivisection Mambo’ for Doom’s POV.

Part 10 - with an untrained voice

Media: None

Words: 16059

Rating: Teen & Up

Category: M/M

Tags: Aftermath of Violence, Aftermath of Torture, Conversations, Feelings, Protective Steve, Nightmares, Loki’s Trust Issues, Emotions Are Hard

Part 11 - Settled (With Questions)

Media: None

Words: 4387

Rating: Teen & Up

Category: M/M

Tags: 5 Times, 5+1 Things, Pre-Slash, Pre-Relationship

NB: Concurrent with ‘Part 10 - with an untrained voice’ and ‘Part 12 - reflected in someone like me.’

Part 12 - reflected in someone like me

Media: Title from Ophelia of the Spirits’ Someone Like Me. Click here for video and lyrics.

Words: 7776

Rating: Explicit

Category: M/M

Tags: Porn, Porn With A Little Plot, First Time, Oral Sex, Kissing, Hand Jobs, Voice Kink

NB: Occurs about 3 months after ‘Part 10 - with an untrained voice.’

Part 13 - the sweetest of words (the bitterest taste)

Media: None

Words: 6514

Rating: Teen & Up

Category: M/M

Tags: Intimacy Issues, Arguing, Implied Sexual Content, Emotions Are Hard, Emotional Baggage

NB: Takes place in the future of the RTC ‘verse, but not strictly in the arc so no official placement as of yet.

Part 14 - it spills from your skin

Media: None

Words: 49173

Rating: Mature

Category: M/M

Tags: Naked Cuddling, Boys Kissing, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Clothed Sex, Dressed/Naked Sex, Dirty Talk, Verbal Sex, Wall Sex, Doggy Style, Light Dom/sub, Anal Fingering, Rimming, 69 (Sex Position), Emotion Porn, Public Sex, Floor Sex, Morning Sex, Outdoor Sex, Voice Kink, Shower Sex, Desk Sex, First Time Topping, Body Dysphoria, Wax Play, Genderplay, Dream Sex, Rough Sex, Painplay, Self Confidence Issues, Established Relationship, Developing Relationship, Roleplay, Food Sex, Light Bondage, Porn, Porn With Some Plot, Complicated Relationships, Anal Sex

NB: A collection of thirty short(ish) Steve/Loki fics written for the 30 Day OTP NSFW Challenge on tumblr. A list of the chapters with links can be found here.

Part 15 - so shall he crucify you

Media: Title from Khalil Gibran’s The Prophet. Click here for the full poem.

Words: 2435

Rating: Teen & Up

Category: Gen, M/M

Tags: Guilt, Aftermath

NB: Five-year anniversary of the May 2012 alien attack.

Part 16 - light a match, burn it down

Media: None

Words: 8484

Rating: Mature

Category: M/M

Tags: Kink Negotiation, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Masochism

NB: This fic was born out of me writing the thirty day porn challenge and suddenly realizing (well, not really suddenly, but kind of) that there were a lot of sex issues going on between Loki and Steve under the surface. I've...thought a lot about Loki's relationship to sex and the various ways in which it is not terribly healthy, and during the course of the porn challenge I gave myself about fifty loose ends that I needed to do something with. This fic is my attempt to tie those up, or at least gather some of them together and start dealing with the implications.

If you haven't read/aren't interested in the thirty days pieces, the main thing to know is that Loki likes a little pain with his sex, and hasn't overtly told Steve this. If you are willing, though, the especially important background pieces to this fic are (for the relationship dynamic) naked/clothed, doggy style, and on the floor. For a window on Loki's issues see the rough chapter. If you're really interested, there is also meta about some of my own porn and me meta-ing at length about my feelings on Loki's sexuality and relationship with kink.

Part 17 - woven in my soul

Media: None

Words: 10812

Rating: Teen & Up

Category: M/M

Tags: Rescue, Hurt/Comfort, Protectiveness, Bonding Under Duress (Sort Of), Implied/Referenced Torture, Established Relationship, Steve Rogers Damsel in Distress

Part 18 - Tony Stark’s Kinky Fantasies Concerning Captain America and Loki

Media: None

Words: 2274

Rating: Mature

Category: M/M

Tags: Sexual Fantasy, Voyeurism, BDSM, Sadism, Masochism

Part 19 - The Tenth Floor

Media: None

Words: 2081

Rating: Teen & Up

Category: M/M

Tags: Implied Sexual Content, Accidental Voyeurism, 5 Times, Embarrassed Steve

Part 20 - only when you hit the ground

Media: None

Words: 20383

Rating: Teen & Up

Category: M/M

Tags: Gore, Rescue, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Blood and Injury, Hurt Loki, Protective Thor, Protective Steve, BAMF Natasha, Established Relationship

NB: So! Welcome to the longest installment in this verse so far. And also the last one before Captain America: The Winter Soldier comes out and CHANGES EVERYTHING well no not everything but I do have Plans. For this 'verse. In light of certain events. We shall see how that goes.

Anyway - this fic kind of fought me in places. But I think I've come out of it stronger for all that. And ultimately...I'm pretty pleased with it. Especially with the chance to get to explore Steve's relationships with the other Avengers, and how they've changed because of this verse, and what different perspectives on the situation are. And also beating Loki up horribly, that's an important thing too.

I borrowed T'Challa, or Black Panther, from comics. He is the ruler of Wakanda (a fictional country), and also awesome. I would love for him to get a movie, preferably without the borderline racist weirdness of his comics origins.

Part 21 - when I’m falling I’m at peace

Media: None

Words: 9855

Rating: Teen & Up

Category: M/M

Tags: Flashbacks, Psychological Trauma, Healing, Aftermath of Torture, Injury, Injury Recovery, PTSD, Protective Steve, Feelings, Hurt/Comfort

NB: I'm not very good at fixing things that I break. Or at least, not most of the time. That said, this fic was both fun and terrible to write, and ended up giving me a lot of Steve feelings, actually. I suppose given that I was writing from Loki's POV perhaps that isn't surprising.

This is the first of two connecting installments that I'm writing before I start working on the next major installment of Remember This Cold, which if you follow my tumblr you've seen me talking about. The other one will follow "Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me" and is already well under way.

Part 22 - You Were a Kindness

Media:

Words: 3700

Rating: Explicit

Category: M/M

Tags: Porn, Comfort Sex, Nightmares, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Torture, Panic Attacks

NB: Loki's strategy of "dealing with his problems through sex" is not one I endorse, just so we are clear. But it is one that is fun to write. And sometimes you just have to break up your intense, character driven fic projects with a good 3k pornfic. It's important. (Pornfic full of feelings because we're still with me, okay.)

Part 23 - Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me

Media: None

Words: 19069

Rating: Teen & Up

Category: M/M

Tags: Captain America: The Winter Soldier Spoilers, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Movie(s), Established Relationship, Emotional Baggage, Jealousy, Rescue Missions, Emotional Hurt, Everybody Suffers

Part 24 - these little things define us

Media: None

Words: 6374

Rating: General Audiences

Category: Gen, M/M

Tags: Conversations, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Established Relationship

NB: I knew as I wrapped up "Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me" that it needed a follow up fic for the things I couldn't fit into the thing itself. This is that fic, and while I'm not quite sure I achieved what I was hoping to, I achieved something. Let this also serve as the announcement that I have started work on the next full length installment of this series which I am really excited about, and it is already over 8000 words and not even close to halfway done. So it may be a bit.

In the meantime, think about Loki and Bucky being weird friends. Just think about it.

Part 25 - the sun is rising

Media: None

Words: 3408

Rating: Explicit

Category: M/M

Tags: Porn, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Anal Sex, Praise Kink, Makeup Sex, Established Relationship

NB: This fic was inspired by an ask from tumblr user sit-down-at-a-keyboard-and-bleed approximately forever ago, and just now finally got written. I decided to set it after "Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me" because Steve and Loki seemed like they needed some relationship affirming porn. Because reasons. (Sometimes you just have to write porn, and yet somehow whenever I do it it ends up all feelings-y. Well, no surprises there, I guess.

Part 26 - This is my Kingdom Come

Media: None

Words: 68283

Rating: Teen & Up

Category: M/M

Tags: Post-Avengers Asgard, Canon-Typical Violence, Injury, Established Relationship, Politics, Protective Steve Rogers, Odin’s B+ Parenting, Fantasy Racism, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship

Part 27 - The Long Way Home

Media: None

Words: 10076

Rating: Teen & Up

Category: M/M

Tags: Aftermath, Conversations, Feelings, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Loki Feels, Identity Issues

Part 28 - but I am hellbound

Media: None

Words: 4298

Rating: Teen & Up

Category: M/M

Tags: Implied/Referenced Suicide, Depression, Feelings, Angst, Established Relationship

Part 29 - Gnosienne

Media: None

Words: 11130

Rating: Teen & Up

Category: Gen, M/M

Tags: Family, Family Drama, Family Feels, Dysfunctional Family, Odin’s B+ Parenting, Frigga (Marvel) Feels, Thor Feels, Loki Feels, Loki Angst

NB: Eons ago, shortly after I finished "This Is My Kingdom Come" (so, like, two years) I started tossing around the idea of writing something in Remember This Cold where Frigga visits Loki on Earth, as she promised to do in that fic. Two years later, here it is. I started writing it quite a while ago, but only recently did it really kick into gear, and then promptly expanded into something much larger than planned. I always knew this was going to be emotional; I didn't know it was going to be this long.

I have a lot of feelings about this fic and ended up being pretty proud of it. If you know me, you know that's kind of a big deal. The focus here is more on Loki's relationship with his family than on his relationship with Steve, which is different from pretty much every other installment of this fic - but it's always been important to me in building this universe to remember that there is much more to both of them than their relationships with each other.

gnossienne n. a moment of awareness that someone you’ve known for years still has a private and mysterious inner life, and somewhere in the hallways of their personality is a door locked from the inside, a stairway leading to a wing of the house that you’ve never fully explored—an unfinished attic that will remain maddeningly unknowable to you, because ultimately neither of you has a map, or a master key, or any way of knowing exactly where you stand.

Part 30 - I’ll Keep You (My Dirty Little Secret)

Media: None

Words: 2322

Rating: Teen & Up

Category: M/M

Tags: Secret Relationship, Steve Rogers Feels, Interviews, Established Relationship

NB: I've talked some on my tumblr about how I've thought about Steve/Loki in the context of the wider world, and what if Steve/Loki became a publically known thing? But considering this led very quickly to realizing that it would create a shitstorm that would...probably destroy everything I've built in this verse. The outcry about Loki being on Earth alone, ignoring the part where he was in a relationship with Captain America, would tear Steve's life apart, and there would be no peaceful way, most likely, of insulating Loki from the outcry.

So, if I can't deal with this problem actually happening in the Remember This Cold 'verse, I realized that I can at least deal with Steve coming to recognize the problem in a conscious way - and realizing that it might be a problem. And that's what this fic is - just a short little piece about one of the many logistical problems of the Steve/Loki relationship in terms of their respective roles and reputations.

Part 31 - don’t give it a hand, offer it a soul

Media: Title from Hozier’s It Will Come Back. Click here for video and lyrics.

Words: 2252

Rating: General Audiences

Category: M/M

Tags: Heat Stroke, Fantastic Racism, Self-Hatred, Hurt/Comfort, Loki Feels, Loki Angst, Hurt Loki

NB: This fic is set...somewhere between "This Is My Kingdom Come" and "Collapse the Light Into Earth" in the larger Remember This Cold timeline. Before Steve and Loki move out, obviously.

Part 32 - Collapse the Light Into Earth

Media: Title from Porcupine Tree’s Collapse the Light Into Earth. Click here for video and lyrics. Additional suggested listening Into Eternity from the Thor 2 soundtrack; click here for video and music.

Words: 29182

Rating: Teen & Up

Category: Gen, M/M

Tags: Revenge, Revenge Roadtrip, Dysfunctional Friendship, Canon-Typical Violence, Suicidal Thoughts, Sad, Emotional Hurt, Hydra (Marvel), Disaster Friends, Angst, Tissue Warning

Part 33 - won’t heal given time

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Part 34 - won’t let the shadows take their toll

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Part 35 - I won’t cover my head in the dark

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Part 36 - Retrospective

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Part 37 - Family Matters

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Part 38 - you can buy your other friends (but you can’t buy me)

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Part 39 - (hang on) when the water is rising

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Part 40 - comfort those who suffer

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Part 41 - your heart’s still beating

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Part 42 - I’ve got my love to keep me warm

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Part 43 - shadow plays

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Part 44 - Pedagogy

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Part 45 - you’re not riding on this wave alone

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Part 46 - Shrapnel

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Part 47 - where will I end up, tonight?

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Part 48 - Truthtelling

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Part 49 - the sword alone, the shield forsaken

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Part 50 - don’t care if heaven won’t take me back

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Part 51 - are you a saint or a sinner?

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Part 52 - to face unafraid the plans we’ve made

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Part 53 - as we dream by the fire

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Part 54 - you could see planets and stars

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Part 55 - the water is getting colder

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Part 56 - we’re not the only ones

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Part 57 - unexpected guests

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Part 58 - we can see the future (and the dreams it’s made of)

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Part 59 - one hand on my throat, and one on your heart

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Part 60 - the mercy covering me

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Part 61 - Every Little Earthquake

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Part 62 - it’s what you make

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Part 63 - see you on the other side of the war

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#remember this cold #rtc #table of contents #toc #veliseraptor #wip #splinteredwinter

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