#but i feel soooooo gross and greasy

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

mac i am so sorry to enter ur inbox with more qsmp but oh my god. qcellbit update. so he talked to bagi. his sister. he still doesn't remember her. he still needs time to process everything but she said she's waited fifteen years so she can wait a few more days. i'm crying and sobbing rn. also he doesn't even fucking remember what he did to get thrown in prison, all he knows is that he was killing people to survive one day and another he was behind bars. i'm UNWELL!!! he got called in to talk to cucurucho (the fuckin THING that's kind of the federation mascot and it tortured cellbit with a chainsaw months ago FUCK CUCURUCHO ALL MY HOMIES HATE CUCURUCHO) and he was just. fucking tired. yesterday he messed with the feds quite publicly and cucurucho questioned him about it and he said "i don't care what you do to me, you can torture me, i don't care. i just want my family back, i want a future with them. just give me peace. let me rest." HE SOUNDED SO FUCKING TIRED. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE WAS SAYING UNTIL SOMEONE POSTED A TRANSLATION BUT HE SOUNDED SO SO SAD. AND NOW CELLBIT HIMSELF IS GOING TO TWITCHCON SO QCELLBIT IS TAKING A WEEK LONG DEPRESSION NAP. MAC CAN U HEAR ME. I'M UNWELL. I'M LOSING IT. THIS IS ME RN

anyway. hows ur day. i might go watch some steven universe bc i have been meaning 2 rewatch it (or adventure time!!!! one of the two for sure) take a short break from binge watching hannibal 2 watch a silly funny cartoon :3 also still trying to make my way thru marble hornets again it's just such an insane series 2 rewatch u know but i'm getting there!!! sorry i am just currently lying on the floor in my brain thinking about qsmp i had 2 tell u what happened 2 ur blorbo in law today

NEVER APOLOGIZE TO ME ABOUT PUTTING STUFF IN MY INBOX I LOVE GETTING MAIL I LOVE LEARNING THROUGH OSMOSIS I LOVE LISTENING 2 PPL TALK ATBT THINGS THEY LOVE

that sounss aboslutely DEVASTATING btw. oh my god. so the whole thing is like.. she remembers him but he doesnt remember her ?? GODDDD thats so upsetting. im glad hes getting 2 take a nap even if it is a depression one sigh. oh man oh man i love this.

my day was! good i think! i have not had a day to reat since my whole job shadow debacle last week so im kimd of running on fumes BUT . i have off work tmw so im gonna get a haircut and feel all good about everything. and maybe work on some art bc im now caught up to my pre prepped invertober images and i have a couple other time sensitive things like that. ougah. we keep truckin. ive got a huge backlog of youtube videos to watch from last week + beginning of this week i cannot Wait to get thru those and also watch more adventure time !! bc i have offically gotten to Stakes (a marcelone centric mini series) and it is one of my favorite eras ever. i love you vampire lore!!!

#im like... skooo tired rn. i dont have ANY more words left in me. #but like i also dont want 2 sleep yet #i didnt shower this morning bc our gas lines have been down for like 3 days and we ran out of hot water #BUT theyre back up now. but also its like 11pm and my family is asleep and i dont want to wake them up #but i feel soooooo gross and greasy #+ my hair is at that point where its like. Uncomfortably Long. getting back into oh fuck i look like a girl territory. eugh #but its FINE bc im getting it CUT tomorrow. my favorite place had one (1) opening tomotrow afternoon so i snatched that shit up RIGHT away #uhhh what else. i watched some scary movies today those r always fun. #every day i yearn to be a) a man covered in blood or b) a vampire bite victim but like in a fun homoerotic way #those two things are not mutually exclusive but you know what i mean. i need 2 look like will graham #asks #friends!!! #anachronistic-falsehood #i am also revisiting an old blorbo rn and the nostalgia is hitting sooooo badly #i will not name this blorbo bc im not into public humiliation like that but ohh my god. favoritest guy ever. #fundamentally changed my life type character. #category 7 insane person moment. we stay silly !!! #im like. sooooo sleepy and rambly but also i feel a little bit like an oyster rn

[gnot-that-gender]

29th February 2020

Hey all. 12 weeks on T now. Time for an update!

Content warning of below for mention of genitals, bodily fluids, description of sexual activity/reactions and general body ickiness.

General Stuff

Usually seem to start with a comment on my weight. I won’t include the chart. I’m overweight by BMI standards now, which will likely affect my chance of getting top surgery. I’m extremely dysphoric and stressed about this.

Sex Drive

My sex drive has settled now. Ish. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve begun habitually masturbating but highly likely. Although the lack of sensual feedback one gets from it has made me crave physical contact. I wonder if this is a thing teenage boys get into? That the hormones released from coming make your body more aware that you’re not being cuddled? So you desire it with people rather than just with your hands/toys? Maybe.

Genital Stuff

The little guy is still growing steadily. The head peeks out of the foreskin quite clearly at rest. I can pull back the foreskin all the way though a little uncomfortable at the moment. But actually this is necessary. I’ve seen too many disgusting cis foreskins to let mine turn out that way. The first time the head fully popped out I was having a clean and out it came. (This is gross) It was covered in a white film. I describe it as akin to vernix but those of you who haven’t given birth or been around someone who has (which will probably be most of you), will not know what that is. Basically, what it actually is, is smegma. A build up of oils and just general body stuff. It is important to clean!! For cis and trans peens!! Clean your dicks folks!!

Menstruating still exactly as normal. Accompanied by a boost in oily skin at this time to a higher degree than before. Spots come more around this time.

Sexual Genital Stuff

Despite being told my vagina would die, lubrication is... more than usual. I had a lot of general discharge when I started T but that has stopped now and I’m generally pretty dry on the day to day. When I’m aroused, it gets wet as previous. But weirdly it just...gets so incredibly wet when I come.

Talking about coming. Ejaculating is different when you’re on T. Not sure if I mentioned. But it is SO different. I’m getting the hang of it now.

Skin

My skin has calmed its oiliness a bit now, aside from around menstruation. My skin is rougher now, especially on my face. I have some spots on my back and face. Nothing too much.

Hair

Hair is doing well, less greasy than before but a bit still. Not really falling out or anything worrying happening there.

Body and Facial Hair

Nothing really to note aside from pubic hair. It’s spread a bit but also seems...less dense? And by spread I mean it has moved to my inner thighs and around my bum hole (lol sorry I can’t seriously type bum hole XD).

Muscles/Strength

I am definitely stronger now. I don’t struggle as much with my back. Still not great at bending down, but I’m definitely more mobile. I can carry my child now?? Who is 6 years old.

Voice

This is the reason I wanted to update. My voice has started to drop. I had a bit of an itchy throat last week and it’s just... grumbly. I thought it could be results of a cold, but it seems happy. And I’m happy. I wasn’t sure much had happened but my boyfriend commented on it?

The most notable is my singing voice. I have been struggling to sing higher notes, but I have gained some deep notes. There isn’t a lot of documentation out there for guys singing through the voice drop and comparison of results etc so I want to keep an eye on this and record it for people to hear. I was going to record some songs with both voices, but I guess it’s too late for that.

I haven’t gained as many low notes as I’ve lost high ones. My singing voice was never particularly high anyway, and I have been practicing for a while to bring my range down, which I’d managed to a degree. But notes I’d been having to work hard to hit are suddenly incredibly easy.

I’ll post a comparison singing voice clip soon.

Overall...

I can’t believe how much the voice drop, as little as it is, has affected my confidence. Honestly I thought I would have to mourn my old singing voice and I would struggle a lot more with this part of transition but I’m genuinely very excited. I don’t know where it will settle. I’ve been so anxious about ending up with a half-broken “Mickey Mouse" kind of voice.. but even just the small change in tone I have now I love how it sounds. It’s sexy and kinda smokey and those low notes feel soooooo good!

Til next time!

#12 weeks on t #testosterone voice drop #trans male singing #t voice #vocals #transition #gnot me #trans stuff

[defenselesswriter]

I got the FentyBeauty foundation! And primer! Here’s my review! Under read more bc it’s longer than expected 

Primer: I don’t have a lot of experience with primer bc the ones I’ve bought in the past have been super greasy and made me breakout or just feel gross. This is the first primer I’ve had that didn’t feel like that. It felt so nice going on and felt like it really did stay on and do its job! 

Foundation: first impression at the store: there are soooooo many shades. Like yes I knew there were a lot of shades but wow it is amazing to see how many there really are. Usually I’m really good at picking out which shade I am but I couldn’t decide between three different ones! I hope it’s that way for people who usually have a hard time finding a shade that fits their skin, especially POC. Now putting it on for the first time was an experience. It really went on smoothly and did a really good job covering up my redness. You can see that really well in the first picture where I had only done half my face with foundation so far and it was a huge difference. I’ve never had this much cover in a foundation before tbh so I’m in love honestly. All I can keep saying is wow! However, I do have a couple nitpicks with it. My highlighter that is not fentybeauty brand does not show up very well on this foundation so I’m going to have to adjust that. Also my blush is the same way? It’s just hard for me to return color back to my face after putting the foundation on. Which I don’t mind bc the coverage is the best I’ve ever had in a foundation so really my complaints aren’t even that negative. It’s just stuff I have to adjust to. So yeah! I really like the foundation and primer and I can’t wait to try the highlighters someday!!

#fentybeauty #review #makeup #selfies #mah face #long post #excuse my eyebrows #they need to be waxed like yesterday

[stardust-static]

Greaseball

So my hair is crazy-- its curly, its wavy, its frizzy, it's doing all kinds of things.. I do my best these days to keep it healthy and under control. That means that I'll put an oil or deep conditioning treatment in my hair once a week to control frizz. I recently bought a different oil than the one I usually buy, just to try. Bad move. I warmed the oil up, put it in my hair, and left it in for about three hours. When I was in the shower it just wasn't coming out. I shampooed my hair three different times and I could still feel it. I didn't know what else to do. So I got out and let my hair dry and it was soooooo greasy! My hair was dry but it looked wet. So I just put it up. I wasn't going anywhere and that next night I had plans to go for a swim, and I thought surely the chlorine + a shower afterwards would do the trick. Spoiler alert, that didn't do anything. So again I just put it up and I had dinner with my family the next day and my mom gave me charcoal shampoo and said that it would take the oil out of my hair. I scrubbed my hair with that stuff and my hair still looks disgusting. So now I am off to wash my hair with dish soap because I've run out of options. At least my hair has had like 4 days of deep conditioning by being so greasy. It looks so gross.. 😭