#but last november i went to a festival with some friends but felt super stressed on the first day but tried to hide it from everyone | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

carlotaflaneur · 4 months

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#7 december 2023

hola !!!

I hope you're well (as well as possible, we won't ask for more won't we?)

I'm feeling really well, and that makes me super happy. October and November were full of work and stress (both good and bad stress) and I was a little bit scared of December: I was afraid of stopping, not having more concerts before me and thus having more time to THINK ! hahaha. But fortunately it felt good to stop. I have the feeling that I'm enjoying my concerts with hindsight: I'm enjoying these autumn months now, feeling proud and lucky of what I've done.

Once more, I perceive that when I stop I can become aware of how fast we all want things to develop and bloom. I also realized that I'm in a rush when it comes to feeling sure and convinced of the decisions I make within my project.

This autumn I've played a whole lot; almost every weekend I had 1 or 2 (or 3!) gigs. In the process I felt accompanied by this rush: this need of things turning out fantastically and living my career fully convinced, feeling certain that my work is valuable. Now that I've stopped I clearly see the value is and has always been there intrinsically; the things I'm doing are beautiful and valuable for themselves, regardless of the places they will potentially take me. I can see it clearly now: I stare at the intense blue of the Barcelona sky and think: if I die tomorrow I will be at peace........ I have expressed everything I carry inside, I feel so full !

november 2023 – with Artur's telecaster in Sevilla (photo: Dani Poveda)

On the 24th of november I went to Sevilla to play for the first time. It was a last-minute thing; turns out VIDA festival was setting up a showcase and Clara Peya couldn't play, so I went there to fill in her slot lol. Had I known some years ago that I'd be covering Clara on a line-up........... crazy. I'm so glad I took the chance because I had so much fun. I spent a lot of hours in the high-speed train (which I love) and I could go sightseeing with Artur and Biel and Oscar and Gerard and Ferran (socunbohemio). I shared a room with Carla from VIDA's record label and she was really warm and welcoming. It was like a little autumn-camp experience; I could also see my cousin from Sevilla :-) during the concert I felt really really happy; my songs were floating away from me on their own, I felt really privileged to be playing so far away from home and I could float along (and that's hard !!).

On the next day we were playing in Reus with Paula Jordi and Marcel (my band) and it was real fun in spite of my tiredness state haha. We had a wonderful dinner in an ateneu, and I met Greg who drew us (what a talented person). I also met a kid (I forgot their name nooooo) who came by to tell me we sound much better that the tyets (they're the most popular catalan band at the moment). I had such a laugh, I love to know how kids perceive my music. That night I could also talk to a couple who were seeing us live for the second time; they'd come to Altacustic in summer 2022, and they'd been waiting for us to play around again because they wanted to repeat. Things like that make me want to sing on and on til I'm old and leave the planet.

The last concert of the weekend was in the Jazz Cava in Vic. During that concert I could fly, I dunno how I did it. I was able to put the focus in my music so much that it felt like the concert was 1 minute long. In the middle of the set I asked the public "how are you doing?" and someone said: we're in your magic bubble. And that made me really happy........ when I grow up I just want to create bubbles.

On the 30th of november we finished the tour in Heliogàbal, here in Barcelona. That day I had more difficulties to sing inside the bubble, I was really nervous and we had problems during the soundcheck so I wasn't fully comfy. I could't find the space in my throat, I was finding it difficult to sing because of the mix of emotions... but we carried on and it went well. The room was full of friends and also LOTS of strangers which fills my heart in so many ways... I loved that Patricia Atzur opened the set; it felt special to have someone supporting me. I don't know... to think of the packed room, hearing you sing my songs.... it makes me want to express myself more and more. It makes me think maybe I'm not the only one who feels moved by my songs !

That night I was given a song in a cd as a present... I will never forget it. No one had ever written a song for me before (not that I know!) and receiving it on such a special day makes it memorable. I'm used to writing songs but not to receiving them !!! it's such a big thing and such a valuable gift that I needed to finish my letter sharing it with you.

I hope 2024 brings plenty of good things to all of us; health above everything else. I'm so happy to say I'm feeling great. Sending you hugs and hoping to see you next year. Thousands of kisses.

Carlota

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hellfirenacht · 5 years

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Can't Be Unseen Chapter 1

Fandom: Sally Face

Pairing: Sal x Reader

Summary: Flirting is fun, but flirting with Sal Fisher is the most fun of all.

Ao3

It wasn’t exactly a secret that you were a huge flirt; everyone in your friend group got a taste of it, no matter their gender or sexuality. Larry gets a new shirt? Double pistols and a wink. Todd comes to school wearing contacts? Compliment him on his eye color as he rolls his eyes and reminds you that he’s gay. Ash tries out some new makeup look? She’s once again made a masterpiece of her flawless canvas of a face.

Flirting was almost second nature to you, but there was one boy whom you liked flirting with the most; your friend Sal “Sally Face” Fisher. You could hardly help yourself around him. Something about his cute short stature, blue pigtails, kind attitude, and sweet guitar skills had you swooning. He was almost like a porcelain doll, though his prosthetic was actually made out of a more sturdy plastic.

Still though, you never missed a chance to compliment him or flirt with him or even just talk with him. You had known him for 2 years and in that time he’d become someone who you’d felt totally comfortable and happy with. Developing a crush on the boy wasn’t exactly in your plans, but it happened anyway. Despite his obvious feelings for Ashley, you were content just spending time with him. Besides, covering up your crush with the endless flirting made it much more easy.

It was early September when you two were walking home together with Larry. The crisp fall air wasn’t too cold yet, but comfortable enough for flannel and t-shirt combinations.

“So Ashley’s seeing someone from another school now, huh?” Larry said, looking over at Sal.

“Yeah, she seems really nice.” Sal said, “I hope we get to meet her sometime.”

“Aren’t you bummed though?” Larry replied. “I mean, I know you liked her and all.”

“That was last year.” Sal shrugged. “I still think she’s pretty, but I don’t think I’ve liked her like that for a while now. I’m happy that we’re friends, that’s all.“

You couldn’t help but look up from your phone that you’d been distracted by to listen in on their conversation. Sal didn’t like Ash anymore? Why was this news to you?

"You’re a mature dude, Sally Face.” Larry nodded as all three of you wandered down into the basement of Addison Apartments.

It had become a habit by this point- come home from school, go to the basement to do homework, listen to music and hang out, then go home. You all had tried to do homework while listening to music, but it turned out to be more of a distraction than a help. Larry would end up on a tangent about the song, Sal would be listening while his hands would start faking an air guitar, and you just couldn’t handle that much noise when trying to study.

As you all settled into Larry’s room, a small beeping sound emitted from Sal’s bag. His phone’s alarm went off, reminding him to take some of his many medications.

“Be right back!” he said, scurrying into the bathroom. You and Larry both had assumed a while ago that some of the medicine involved taking off his face. Though you had both seen it- well you had captured a split second glance on accident once- it was agreed upon that you give him privacy when it came to his face.

You looked over at Larry who was digging through his bag, pulling out loose pieces of paper, trying to figure out which ones he needed to start his homework.

“Dude, just get a binder. Or a folder!” you said, watching him. “Hell, I’ll give you one of mine. Your school organization is seriously stressing me out."

"It’s fine, it’s fine.” Larry replied, as you heard a paper rip. “Woops."

"Was that the math worksheet?"

"I think so?” he handed over the paper to you.

“Larry, this was last week’s homework! We even did this one together!”

“Hahaha, good thing they didn’t check it."

"They did.”

“Oh… shit.”

You looked over at the bathroom door for a sec, hesitating a moment and lowered your voice. “I think I’m gonna ask him on a date.” you said, pulling out your own homework.

“Who? Sally Face?” Larry asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No, your mom. I’m gonna date your mom and you will be my new step-son.” You replied dead-pan, but then smirked. “Then we can add to the ever growing list of the not-related category on porn hub.”

Larry laughed. “If that wasn’t so messed up I’d almost be down. But seriously, you finally gonna do it?”

You nodded. “I’ve been thinking about this seriously ever since he admitted that he doesn’t like Ash anymore.”

“So, fifteen minutes.”

“Yes.”

“Good luck. I don’t think he’s ever been on a date in his life."

"Then I’ll just have to make it special. If he agrees that is.” you shrugged.

“If who agrees to what?” Sal asked, walking out of the bathroom.

“I’m asking Lisa on a date.” you replied back quickly. “Gonna sweep that sweet lady off her feet, then Larry’s gonna have to call me ‘mommy’ too."

Sal laughed, "Good luck with that. She’s been spending a lot of time with my dad lately, I think they’re going on a date this week.”

“Is that all that’s standing in my way? Then I’ll just have to date your dad too. Then you’ll both have to call me ‘mommy’."

"Whatever you say.” Sal laughed, plopping down next to Larry.

…

Despite it all though, it took you at least a month to work up the nerve to actually ask Sal out. Deciding that you wanted to was easy, but planning a date was becoming a little more difficult than you anticipated. You were sure he’d be happy with anything that you took him to do- but this was if he agreed to the date in the first place.

Larry suggested taking him to the Sanity Falls concert that was coming up, but you declined that. Sanity Falls was very much Larry and Sals’ thing- not something that you’d ever want to take away from them. Plus, if you were being honest- Sanity Falls and heavy metal wasn’t fully your thing either. Sure you knew more about that band than anything else, but that was because of all the time you spent around the boys.

In any case, a concert in general didn’t seem like the best idea for a first date. You’d have to get the tickets in advance and even with your part-time job, that was still a bit of money for an evening where you couldn’t even talk to him. You already had a bit of a job listening to his slightly muffled voice, you didn’t want to put loud music and screaming teens on top of that.

You found a similar dilemma with dinner and a movie. It seemed too cliche, really, and not that personal. Besides, you all had done that a million times before. You weren’t just getting to know Sal at this point- you wanted to woo him! You wanted to make him feel special! You also wanted your feelings to reach him.

The mall was a no-go. Sal didn’t really like shopping that much, and he usually got harassed by mall security for “wearing a mask”.

It was too cold for the water park.

Walking around town just seemed like you hadn’t tried at all to plan anything.

Nothing was coming together at all.

You groaned and scribbled out what you were working on in art class for the tenth time. Your hands were covered in charcoal, and it was getting everywhere at this point.

“What’s wrong?” Ash asked, next to you. “That one wasn’t so bad.”

“It’s not the assignment.” you admitted. “I… okay so I’m gonna just tell you. I wanna ask Sally on a date but I have no idea where to take him assuming that he’ll agree."

"You like Sally?” She asked, a bit surprised. You nodded. “Oh, that does make sense. I thought you flirted with him a bit more than anyone else."

"He’s sweet.” you said, looking down at your paper again, flipping to a clean page and scribbling to give you something to look at. “And he’s more kind than anyone I’ve met. He talked to Travis once and since then he’s stopped using those words. He’s… got this quiet confidence you know? He turned a cruel nickname into something he wore with pride. He stands up for himself. Sal… even with his self-esteem issues with his face, he… how do I put this? We’re all afraid of rejection, he is too. But he also knows that if someone rejects him, then that’s not the end of it. He always gives people a chance to actually know him. He’s stronger and more brave than anyone else I know.”

“Wow, you’re serious about this, huh?” Ashley said approvingly.

“Plus did you see his butt when he was wearing that dress at the last Homecoming dance?” you asked, doodling said butt.

Ashley laughed. “He did look great.” she agreed.

“I just don’t know what to do.” you admitted. “I like Sal, I really really like him and I want him to give me a chance. To see me as more than just a flirt, you know? But if I can’t even think of a good date to take him on…"

"He’d love whatever you plan.” Ash replied. “But I understand what you mean. Do you have any ideas at all?"

You handed over the list, complete with commentary from you and Larry in the margins about why it wouldn’t work or was too expensive, or too not-Sal or too not-you.

"Prom’s out?” she asked.

“Prom’s next spring.” you explained. “I mean, I know there’s no time limit on asking him out, but that’s a bit far off. Also just feels like too much for a first date, you know?"

She nodded and continued down the list. "Yeah, I see what you mean.” she said. “You need something that you can do together that doesn’t lean more towards one person’s interest, that still gives you a chance to talk and get to know each other, and that isn’t super expensive."

"First dates are stupid if you already know someone.” you grumble.

“…Oh! I have an idea!” Ashley suddenly grabbed a paper towel in an attempt to wipe off the charcoal on her hands. I got this flier in the mail the other day, I think this would work perfectly!“

You took the flier from her hands carefully as to not make a mess of it. "Fall Festival…?” you read. “Ash, this is perfect!"

"It’s every weekend until mid-November.” she said, pointing. “Plus there’s a Halloween weekend as well! I think that he’d really like that."

"Ash, have I mentioned that you are the most amazing and beautiful person I’ve ever met?” you asked. She just laughed.

“Save it for Sal.”

…

“So you really gonna do it today?” Larry asked, leaning next to your locker. “I’m gonna miss your constant flirting when you and Sally Face get married.”

You snorted. “It’s okay, you can still call me 'mommy’ if you want, but you’ll have to call Sal 'daddy’.”

“Thanks, I hate it."Larry laughed. "Besides, he’s basically like my brother. He can’t be my brother and my dad at the same time.”

“Not with that attitude!” You closed your locker and pulled your backpack over your shoulders.

“But seriously,” Larry said. “I hope it works out for you. I think you two would be good for each other.”

“Thanks.” you said quietly. “I’m honestly really nervous but I know that even if he says no today, he’ll still be my friend.”

“That’s just the kind of guy he is.” Larry agreed. “And for what it’s worth, he thinks your pretty.”

“…What?” you snapped your head to look at his shit-eating grin.

“Oh yeah, I may have done some slight digging and wing-manning for you. Got him to tell me some things.”

“What things?!” you demanded. “Tell me everything word for word exactly what he said."

"I’d love to, but he’s right behind you and as I recall you’ve got an important question to ask him."

You whipped around behind you and saw the tell-tale pigtails bobbing along down the hall towards the two of you.

"Larry, I’m gonna kill you one day.”

“You’re welcome."

"Hey guys.” Sal said as he finally approached you two. “Ready to head home?"

"Actually, I gotta go pick up some stuff for my mom today.” Larry said casually, lying through his teeth.

“Oh, well we can come along and help out if you want.” Sal replied, but Larry shook his head.

“No worries, I got it. You two go on ahead and we’ll catch up later, mk?"

"Alright then.” Sal nodded, turning to you. “So are you ready?”

You smiled down at him, at 5'2 he was a good 4 inches shorter than you, but it hardly mattered. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” you replied.

The late-October sky was a bit dark and gloomy with the threat of rain. You zipped up your jacket and hugged yourself for warmth as the wind blew around you. You were starting to regret choosing to look cute over warm today.

It was quieter walking with Sal without Larry there, but not uncomfortably so. Sal could be both chatty and quiet and it suited him either way. Though normally you wouldn’t mind the quiet, you needed to think of some sort of topic that you could use to segue into asking him out.

“It’s too damn cold.” you said, blurting out the first thing that came into your mind.

“It’s only 58 degrees.” Sal replied.

“Yes, that’s borderline freezing where I’m from."

"I can keep warm perfectly fine.”

“That’s ‘cause you’re so hot.” you replied with a wink. That was better, now you were starting to find your groove.

The boy let out a small laugh beside you. “It’s the prosthetic, isn’t it? Girls love the look on Halloween.”

“Mike Meyers chic is very sexy.” you agreed. “Jason’s got nothing on you."

"Except maybe a foot and a half.” he admitted.

“Speaking of Halloween.” You said, bracing yourself. “There’s a fall festival coming up this weekend. Actually it’s been going on since last weekend but it’s still happening this weekend.” Shit, you were starting to ramble a bit. You took a deep breath to keep your cool.

“Yeah? That sounds like it could be fun.”

You stopped walking and turned to him and gave him your trademark smirk to hide your nerves. “Then go on a date with me tomorrow. I’d love to go with you."

The two seconds it took for Sal to answer felt like an eternity. Everything seemed to slow down as he stopped walking and glanced up at you.

"Uh, sure!” He replied and you could hear it in his voice that he was smiling at you. Your heart seemed to stop for a moment at his words, and for a second you almost faltered and looked surprised.

“Awesome!” you replied. “Okay, so meet me at 1 in front of the apartments, mk? I’m gonna show you a great time!"

…

BlankFace: HE SAID YES!

You texted Ashley excitedly. You managed to keep calm and collected until you made your way back home, but you immediately jumped on the bed and started giggling like mad. After all that planning, you had not only managed to ask out your crush, but you had managed to plan an amazing date as well.

AshleyFace: Aww, that’s great! I hope you two have fun!

BlankFace: And also get this, Larry said that he thinks I’m pretty apperenly??

AshleyFace: Well yeah, you are.

BlankFace: Well I know that but I didn’t think Sal did!

You couldn’t stop smiling to yourself. In less than 24 hours you’d be on your first date with Sally Face. With Ashley’s help, you had already picked out what you were going to wear and how you were gonna do your make up. In fact, you didn’t really have anything to do except wait. You sat up and grabbed your laptop again, pulling up the page for the festival for the hundredth time. Yup, it was still the same schedule, no changes in the weather reports, and no cancellations.

You kinda regretted being too prepared.

Behind you, your phone buzzed, and buzzed…. and buzzed. Your group chat seemed to be exploding.

SallyFace changed the group name to Scooby Doo Minus the Dog

LarryFace changed the group name to Scooby Doo but Good

BlankFace: You take that back, Larry. Scooby Doo is the shit.

BlankFace changed the group name to Scooby Doo Appreciation Fan Club

SallyFace changed the name of the group to No Dogs Allowed

LarryFace: Oops.

BlankFace. oh shit sorry dude

SallyFace: It’s okay!

LarryFace changed the name of the group to The Putting Your Foot In Your Mouth Club

AshleyFace changed the name of the group to Bologna Fan Club

Everyone in the group chat is typing…

Next Chapter

#sal fisher x reader #sally face x reader #sally face #nacht post #nacht fic #cant be unseen #cbu

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measuringlife · 5 years

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Measuring Me: Buuuut After This Week Things Will Slow Down a Bit

Week of August 4: My Birthday! And Bad News

Lots of celebrations including friend visiting from all over the place. I get a call while at the African American History Museum while touring with dear friends and their baby who are in from Boston that my Mom is in the hospital with a broken hip. Kept birthday festivities scheduled as planned, including Jazz in the Garden with a wonderful crowd of friends who made me feel so supported and loved.

Week of August 11: Long Island NY - Round 1

I flew up to NY on Sunday night towards the tail end of my Boston's friends trip. It was grueling deciding if I should rush up there or not, but looking back I made the right decision. I couldn't handle all the business I needed to handle until Monday anyway. It was a flurry of hospitals, rehabs, doctors, etc. There was also going into my Mom's house after having not been inside for close to 2 years. My sister and I who had a falling out in the spring, made amends and were off to the races. Banks, respite housing, lawyers, notaries, a lot was handled in a short bit of time. Let's not forget I flew back to DC on Wednesday with a new addition, my mom's 4-year-old Chorkie (Chihuahua/Yorkie), Louie is ours indefinitely.

Week of August 18: Fall Welcome Events, and Senior Living Tours

When I wasn't running 3 large orientations, onboarding a new grad student, supporting other major Welcome/Back to school events I was researching and email independent senior living communities near-ish me. Mom was surprisingly agreeable to not go back to the house she's lived in for 40 years and move down to be near me. However, finding the right spot was a multistep task. I wound up visiting 3 places this week and 2 more places the next. I also squeezed in a Hanson concert, and ACA meeting, a 90-minute massage as well as a mani/pedi this week. I've learned I need to take care of me before I can take care of anyone else!

Week of August 25: Grad classes, Vet visits, Musicals, Wedding calls, More Senior Living Tours, and back up to NY

This week was the first work of classes where I work, which was also the first week of classes for me as a brand new grad student! I had 2 classes, one Wed and one Thurs from 5:30pm-8pm. I actually had to race out of my first class which thankfully let out a little early to uber to the Kennedy Center to see am 8pm performance of Dear Evan Hansen - it was amazing! I also visited the last 2 senior living options for mom that week and had 2 Lisbon-based wedding planner calls. One planner was great, but her price tag was steep. One planner was rude and made me feel dumb. I had a wedding planning meltdown, but had a good chat with my dear friend SC who helped me re-group. I've been building (and will continue to build) a nice pot of wedding/honeymoon money. However, when I think about all the side hustles and sacrifices I've made for a lot of this money I don't want to blow it on "a party" that usually has more bells and whistles than we are interested in. So I'm hoping to plan a celebration vacation with loved ones and I'm working with a travel agent friend of mine. I spent Labor Day weekend back in NY, this time I drove - I left as the sun rose on Saturday morning and had a full weekend of bank nonsense, errands, got Mom settled in her "respite" stay at an assisted living community, went over senior living options with Mom, and going through my childhood bedroom - including my sister and I wearing our prom dresses. We took Freddie off all his meds because he health has not been improving and it seems the meds were only making him feel sicker - the change has actually seemed to help outwardly, but still super stressful. Also, poor Louie got neutered this week and was in a cone of shame for 2 weeks!

Week of September 1: NY, Grad School, Hiking, and Pump Official

I was in NY until Tuesday and then drove back down, I had another week of two grad classes, but after sitting through my second nutrition class I was sure that it was too much science and more work than I could handle. I ended up dropping that class before the add/drop period ended and felt relieved. I did another visit to Mom's top two senior living choices to view the exact rooms that were open. I also made time for fitness. I got a permanent gig teaching Body Pump on Fridays at 6pm, I had been long term subbing the class since April, but the instructor decided to give it up and I got to take it over! The half-semester Urban Hiking class I teach started this week, which has once again proven to be a delightful highlight in my life! I also squeezed in another concert too!

Week of September 8: Fitness, Mercedes Bastards, Injury, and Friend Dates

I kicked off the week with an all-day AFAA (Athletics and Fitness Association of American) continuing ed workshop that I had already postponed once due to my crazy schedule. It was really great though, I'm glad I went. I signed papers on a place for Mom which didn't come without its own Mom drama - but at least it was relatively mild. I squeezed in a couple of friends dates: manicures with AL, walk with LH, and a dinner date LB. I was still chugging through my one grad class, but having some concerns about if this program was the right direction for me, it's much more Public Health-oriented than the Fitness and Wellness aspect of health I'm truly interested in. I had a bunch of petsitting clients and have had them during all the previous crazy weeks. I already separately about the ordeal with my Mom's leased car, but Mercedes are crooks! I had toyed with officially taking over the lease, but there is like a $1500 transfer fee that "they can't waive." There's no way they are getting a penny more than we have to pay. I made a bunch of calls to NY based insurance folks I know as well as talked to my mom's insurance agency and my insurance agency to make sure when I start driving her car everything is squared away. Also, this week my colleague aka one other coworker because I manage an office of two had a personal injury that had her out of the office for about a week. As I well know, life happens, but it started to feel like when it rains it pours....

Week of Sept 15: Drag Brunch, Euro Trips, a Resignation, and Back to NY for an Explosive Visit

I kicked off this week with a highly anticipated Sunday Funday with some fabulous work friends. I got all dolled up and headed to a drag brunch in DC which led to gay bar-hopping on a beautiful afternoon. Despite making my way home at 6pm, I still felt like trash most of Monday, but thankfully I was off. I did have my first celebration vacation in Portugal call with my friend DR who is a travel agent. It was a really exciting call and the fact that I know DR already makes things a lot easier. We have a plan for me to make the most of my scouting trip in November which is a relief. I was having a particularly busy week and was just pushing through until we get Mom moved, when my coworker (aka person 2 of our 2 person department) drop a bomb on me, she got a new job and is resigning effective 10/10 which is 3 weeks notice. I can say I'm surprised she's a great employee, had a tough job, and has been with me for almost 2.5 years. I was more shocked by her not giving me any sort of heads up. I went to a tailspin back in Jan 2017 when the other half of my office left and I was alone. Thankfully I am not 5 months into my job like I was then, this time of year is honestly "the best" time to be short-staffed and I am looking to do a re-org that hopefully would make things even better in the future. However, it means a lot more work on me all the way around. I head back to NY via train this time! I actually had my Urban Hiking class start and end at Union Station which made for a great hike and for me to easily make a 4:15pm train. Saturday night was just pizza and wine with my sister. Sunday we headed to Long Island to see my Mom. We needed a durable power of attorney signed - the one we did when my Mom was first in the hospital didn't cover as much as we need and my sister and I need the power to act on my Mother's behalf independently since I'll be handling VA business and my sister is handling NY business. My sister has a friend who is a notary and the friend was also going to on LI visiting family and agreed to come to Mom's assisted living place to have us all sign paperwork. Well, my Mom out of the blue demanded cigarettes and wine before agreeing to sign the papers. This was extremely hurtful. Most of you know my Mother is an alcoholic. Did she fall down down the stairs and break her hip because she was drunk, it's possible. Has her drinking made my life a nightmare especially the last few years? Yes. Having her hospitalized and in the care of others meant she wasn't drinking, she was actually taking her meds, and she had company and therefore didn't need to call me all the G-D time. Well, apparently my Mom's sister bought her cigarettes the week the before (WHY?!?!). My Mom was having bullshit anxiety over an eye doctor appointment because for the 15th time she's convinced she's going blind (she's not, she's fine). She NEEDED the wine and cigarettes and threw a tantrum right in the lobby, right in front of my sister's notary friend (who at least knows some of my Mom's craziness), it was horrifying and embarrassing. My sister started crying and here I am trying to keep it together. I tried to explain to Mom that her drinking was hurtful to us, especially since we've both dropped everything to tend to her situation. I explained that it feels like she is choosing wine over us and she didn't deny it. I needed these papers signed so I conceded and said after we did house stuff that day I'd take her to buy cigarettes, but I don't want to be anywhere near her when or soon after she's been drinking. After some more bank business and errands, I dropped her at a liquor store (walker and all) to get herself her precious wine. I told her I needed to cool off and needed a break from her for a few days, I would call her when I was ready.

Week of September 22: Grad School Drop Out, Wedding Planning, & Car Sales

As I drove back to DC on Monday knowing that I didn't get a chance to do my reading for grad school or work on a paper, I felt stressed (plus the stress of driving my Mom's brand new Mercedes 300 miles to DC as essentially it's maiden voyage). I have so much stress on between Mom stuff, being an office of one, wedding stuff and just general life I was at my max. The class was something I could do something about. I emailed the professor asking for an extension (I automatically have more compassion for my students now), but also let him know I was investigated dropping the class. Since add/drop and the refund period was over I was worried that since this class was being paid for my employer's tuition benefit that there might be some major financial implication. I reached out to the department chair and the HR benefits lady. The way the benefits work and the fact I hadn't used them before means I'm not on the hook for the $5000+ tuition or any of the taxes related. There is only a $27 gap that I will pay taxes on, OKAY. So I dropped the class and ultimately withdrew from the grad certificate program. I feel major relief, not only over this semester, but over the next 2 years that I had penciled in grad school for. I quickly realized that the AFAA professional development workshop is more in line with what I want than anything overly academic - I mean I already have a masters. I think eventually may get an AFAA nutrition certificate which is far less intensive and way more applicable than the route I was going to take. Now with my Wednesdays free again, I was able to make my triumphant return to my Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) meeting and I was so happy to be there with my people. I also tried to carve out more time this week for wedding stuff. Talked through my new vacation celebration idea with some friends who will be on the invite list, talked more with my travel agent D, and with my friend DM who is traveling with me for the scouting trip. I'm feeling more focused and ready to make decisions. I also sold my 2007 Camry to a coworker who happened to be in the market for a reliable used car, just as I was learning that I would be driving my mom's car and therefore wanted to sell mine. We hit a couple of snags, like the fact that my car's aftermarket tints that came on the car when I bought them were too dark to pass MD inspection. Or that I needed to sign the back of the title over to my friend, the buyer. She learned AFTER spending 3 hours at the DMV, oops! I cleaned the car out and removed my stickers from the window and bumper - that 26.2 sticker did not want to budge!

What will the next 2 weeks hold is yet to be fully seen, but here's the summary I'm expecting

Week of September 29: Senior living lease signing, 1000 last-minute Mom things, ACA, Running a 2,000 person Family/Alumni Weekend, Teaching my last Urban Hiking class of the semester and driving to NY with my fiance T and Freddie (we don't Louie thinking he is going back).

Week of October 6: Pack up the stuff that's going to VA with my Mom in a U-Haul van T is driving, I'm driving my Mom down (AKA the woman who hasn't left NY state in at least 10 years), move her into her new place, have two last days in the office having transition meeting with my colleague before she leaves on 10/10, I also have birthday celebration plans for T and my friend SL whose birthdays are this week. Also, it's my Mom's birthday so I imagine we'll be taking her out.

#MLvulnerability MLabout

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convenience93 · 6 years

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Sayaka Yamamoto Live Tour 2017 ~identity~ NHK Hall 19th November Fan Report

On the 19th of November, I went with a friend to Sayaka’s NHK Hall Live. We were able to secure pretty good seats which were on the first floor, 7th row on the left side.

As I’ve been to theatre before, I have technically seen Sayaka performing from even closer up before, but as this was her solo live and not in a group, the experience was completely different.

I’ve also been to one of Sayaka’s Zepp concerts last year, but my friend Jess had never been to a Sayaka live before, so she seemed completely overwhelmed the whole time. Haha.

Honestly, more than a week has passed since the concert, and I don’t remember a lot of things anymore, so I’ll just share some of the highlights of the whole experience itself.

MAIN HIGHLIGHTS

1. Making/preparing our own uchiwas

As you can see in the photo, that’s me and my friend, Jess, just around the concert venue. For some reason that day, there was some Spanish festival going on, so that’s why you can see tents and festive looking things in the background. We made that uchiwa about a week before the concert, and were very proud about how cute it turned out haha.

Then, on the actual concert day, we worked on the other side of the uchiwa as showing our support for the one and only Team SY, Sayaka’s incredible support band that are really ultimate squad goals as a team haha.

Here’s the photo of the other side of the uchiwa we worked on!

And then to the actual concert itself...

2. The epic beginning

We were able to know that the concert was starting because the lights dimmed, and some funky music started playing. Then as the red curtain started to unveil, the band began playing the intro to JOKER. And when the curtains fully opened, there was Team SY and Sayaka right before everyone’s eyes. Sayaka was dressed beautifully in white clad with her white guitar, and she looked absolutely stunning. I thought JOKER was a perfect start to the concert as the super rapid drum beats really built up the anticipation for the rest of the concert.

3. Sayaka’s beauty and elegance

Now, you may think I’m saying this as a a Sayanee oshi, but when I saw Sayaka perform Wings, my jaw dropped. I did personally want her to dance more in that song since it’s a super dancey track...however, even though she really only danced a little, every gesture and movement she made while singing with her mic stand was so graceful and elegant. In all honesty, words can’t even give it justice, but it was just the way she moved her hands and her expressions - everything was so cool and entrancing. What stage presence! She was still in her white dress then, so I think that added on to the flair of the performance.

4. Sayaka’s most engagingly emotional performance

When I went to Sayaka’s solo concert last year, I don’t know why but her Yukikoi performance then didn’t quite leave an impression on me. However, this time, Yukikoi started with a breathtakingly beautiful violin solo by Ayasa, Team SY’s violinist, and I think that really set the mood. I was able to really feel just how much Sayaka was getting into the song - the heartbreak, the angst etc. Everything just felt so vivid. It has to be one of the most emotional performances I’ve ever seen from her.

5. The performance that I got most hyped up about

Surprisingly, it wasn’t something like Rainbow Rose or Let’s Go Crazy that hyped me up the most, but instead it was Kassai. The whole song I got so hyper! It’s a real head banger!! I was pretty much bouncing and jumping the entire song. I do like the recording, but this song live to me actually felt like a completely different song altogether. It’s not even my favourite song of the album (though I do like it), but it definitely is up there as one of the best concert songs in Identity alongside Let’s Go Crazy.

6. The performance that made me squeal the most

This was of course none other than my favourite song from the Identity album, Yubikiri. Sayaka’s smile, movements, and gestures - everything was so adorable. I kept squealing at how cute Sayaka was haha. I can’t wait to watch it again on DVD!! I guess January is not that long a wait haha. Also, at the part where she sings “Yubikiri genman” (pinky promise), she actually put out her little baby finger. Ughhh it’s sooo cute. I have no more words other than, “IT WAS SO ADORBS!!”

7. The climax of the concert - the towel songs

I think most people can already figure out which songs these are. First, there was Smile which from last year had been a great towel flinging song. But when she performed Let’s Go Crazy, that reached another whole new level. Sayaka had mentioned before she wrote that song to cater especially for lives and that when it was performed, everyone could just leave aside their problems for a while and just enjoy themselves to the max. And I really did experience that at the live. Like while being accompanied by Sayaka’s crisp and energetic vocals, I was surprisingly not even focusing on Sayaka herself that much the whole song, but rather, I was just having fun getting hyped jumping about, and really just living in the moment, and it was GREAT. Haha. Thanks Sayaka, it was perfect stress relief lol.

8. The significance of NHK Hall

NHK Hall is filled with many important moments for Sayaka. First of all, it’s where Kouhaku Uta Gassen is held every year, so it has memories from the first time NMB was on with Kamonegix to various lives to many shows Sayaka has been on like AKB48 Show, Utakon etc. Especially, last year, Sayaka managed to get #1 in the AKB48 Dream Senbatsu at this very venue, so it held many special memories for her. She got really emotional talking about it, and you could feel just how nervous and thankful she was being able to perform there. Really though, Sayaka couldn’t stop thanking everyone during that live. That sincerity was really moving. The fans in the audience (including myself) also spontaneously broke into a Sayaka call, and then she got even more emo. Haha. To be honest, it wasn’t just for her, but even just realising how they hold Japan’s biggest year end music show in that very venue, even I in the audience kept being aware about what a prestigious and special venue it was. Thus, I can really understand why Sayaka got so overwhelmed.

9. Everything went by in a flash

For Sayaka’s encore, she performed 3 songs, but to be honest, at this point, I cannot really remember much because I was just trying to soak in everything but somehow, it all just passed by me in a flash. I did think Yume no Koe was a little tame to start off an encore. It was just very relaxing and chill. The same goes with Haru wa Mousugu which is gentle and touching. Melody is always a good ending song, so I’m glad she chose to end with that. That song really does feel like Sayaka’s promise to fans encapsulated in a song about how she’ll continue singing and doing what she loves up there on stage.

10. There were concert streamers that fell from the ceiling!

The red circle is where my friend and I was. So, I heard that NHK Hall was the only venue they were able to get streamers to fall from the ceiling, so I guess that was pretty cool. Streamers are always a great way to end the concert with a bang. Only the people on the first floor and towards the front half of the hall really were able to get streamers, so that was pretty neat too. Later on, we also saw people coming towards the front after the concert to pick up streamers too haha.

As it was a very long strip, I folded it, but here’s an example of the streamer.

It said:

｢今日は本当にありがとう！皆にとってのサードマンになれるようがんばるぞ★｣

"Thank you so much for today! I'll do my best so that I can become a third man for everyone."

What a nice message. Thank you Sayaka <3

FINAL THOUGHTS & IMPRESSIONS

It was really fun going with my friend Jess as it was her first time ever seeing Sayaka in person and going for a 48-related live! I’m glad she really had a blast at Sayaka’s concert. By the end of the day, she wasn’t just gushing about Sayaka but also Team SY. To be honest, I was the same because I really felt how not just Sayaka, but every band member really levelled up from last year in both their presence and synergy with each other. If they were amazing last year, this year they were out of this world phenomenal.

Just like last year, I also really liked the MC parts Sayaka would dedicate to talking to her band members one-by-one. It was really nice how we could just get to know the team. So much warmth and love; they’re reaaally the best.

As for the goods, I did buy some, but for things like the rave band, I reused the one from last year as it was still fully functioning (once I changed the batteries). It was very handy as the staff would regulate our rave band lights during the concert itself so we didn’t have to do anything. I’m glad last year’s rave band still worked the same because it was actually pretty pricey. Thank God I got to use it more than once haha.

Going for the concert actually got me thinking about a lot of things including my fangirl life haha. I realised when I got busy with work and chasing my own goals and aspirations, Sayaka who has all this time been a big focus in my life was slowly but surely becoming a side thing.

It’s not like I’m quitting from being a Sayaka fan anytime soon, but it’s just I may not be able to spend as much time on her anymore. I am glad Sayaka has been my #1 this past 6 years, and I wouldn’t change that for anyone else. I’ve been inspired and motivated by her so much after all. Also, I’m really proud and happy to have an oshi who truly values and cares for her fans, and of course also the people around her.

She has even mentioned about how this time, she wrote songs this time for the sake of others, hoping people could find strength and courage in them. That’s just the sort of person she is.

Seeing her like that though, I began to feel even stronger about how I want to seriously pursue my goals and move forward in my own life too. I don’t really know how things would change for me as a fan from now on, but rest assured, I’ll keep supporting Sayaka one way or another.

Maybe you’ll still see me at lives once in a while from now on if my schedule permits it XD

I mean come to think of it, my last fan report was actually from a year ago. So, that may be my frequency of going for lives/events after all haha. Anyway, thanks for reading till the end. Hope you enjoyed it!

#yamamoto sayaka #sayanee #identity #livetour #nhkhall #fan report #tokyo

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irethiatheblowfish · 7 years

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More than one year later

It’s amazing to look back my last post, from the beginning of the year 2016 and notice that I’ve achieved more stuff than I ever dreamed about.

Quick Review of What Happened in 2016:

- On February we purchased our first home on the wheels, Mercedes MB100D, from the year 1991. She’s old, she’s not so big, but she’s our Safety Harbor for now.

- On March we took the first trip with Pandora’s Box to festival Dragon(off) in Santa Fe, Granada. We had been there since 2013, but by bus, walking and camping in the tent, without dogs. Now we had all of our life with us, and I felt more connected to the “tribe”-people who are also on the road constantly.

- In the end of April, we moved out from our flat (of almost four years) and headed for a party in Alora. On the way to Alora, I couldn’t put the 2nd gear on anymore, but we got to the premises and had pretty nice time. Thank you, Louisa & Chris, for all the efforts you both do in order to serve us the best experience under the starry sky of Alora <3.

- While heading back to Fuengirola from Alora, EMERGENCY!!! My shift stick is all loose, and I can’t change gears anymore... We drove about 50km with 4th gear ONLY... It was very stressing 50km, I was on the edge of tears all the way to Fuengirola. In Torremolinos, we had a bit of rally race through the city’s traffic lights :D. Pandora’s Box brought us back, she never has let us down after that either. Always brought us where we needed to go.

- We are stuck in the Feria ground of Fuengirola many months until we get the gearbox fixed in June - July (can’t remember correctly, which month was it...)

- A trip to Santa Fe immediately when Pandora’s Box got fixed, with a friend couple. This is the third time Pandora’s box is running us somewhere :D. We’ve been more time stationary than we have been able to drive with her. Very rewarding to get her moving again.

- Staying with friend couple’s flat (from June - July) since it was so HOT that our dogs (and us) were tortured with the heat. We stayed with Rosa and Johan for about 1,5 month.

- We return to Fuengirola’s Feria Ground in August. Word of advice; evade the caravan park if you have a chance to do it. Don’t park there :D.

- We got (our) first MOT through in September 2016.

- We decide to move to Torremolinos and I quit my job (for the next 3 months) at the end of September.

My One and Only started to work on the beach, he’s an artist <3. He makes unbelievable sand sculptures. Unfortunately, we got to notice that the times (and people’s attitudes) have changed. Sculpting wasn’t so easy-breezy for my Love as it was before...

I focused on taking care of the dogs and starting my jewellery business.

- The weather got super bad super early, and we returned to Fuengirola in November since it was raining 2 WEEKS IN A ROW...

- Gearbox got broken down AGAIN in mid-November, while we were visiting Torremolinos in order to get my Love’s sculpting equipment back from the beach after the rains... This time we drive from Torremolinos to Fuengirola with 2nd or 3rd gear on only... But once again, Pandora’s Box got us where we wanted to be, even though the gearbox was fucked again...

- We spent November - December in Fuengirola without absolutely nothing! I didn’t have even one cent left in my account at that point since the last money went to pay the last insurance instalment. I get to see how kind people are and especially in Christmas time we received much-needed food, blankets etc from totally strangers.

There is much goodness in the world, and we should embrace the goodness rather than dwell on the bad things that are happening around the world. Remember, though, don’t blind yourself from the happenings of the world. We are very lucky to be born in Europe...

--- --- --- ---

So, in the year 2017, we’ve been living off the grid for ONE YEAR now. We’ve had difficult times with Pandora’s Box but it all has though us many valuable lessons.

We had to change the gearbox altogether, we bought a second-hand used gearbox and now I have a constant paranoia that I’m gonna break it again.... Let’s hope for the best and not fear for the worse. Always remember to be gentle to your vehicle ;).

I returned my old (stinky) job in the office at the beginning of this year, 2nd of January, since we needed money for fixing Pandora’s Box.

We were once again in Santa Fe, Dragon(off) festival, and before that, we lived very stressful times since we didn’t know if we get Pandora’s Box fixed and MOT’ed before the festival. There was also another incident with Pandora’s Box besides fixing the gearbox but that’s a story for another day.

This year we spent in the festival 7 days, 6 nights and now more than ever I feel the call of the open road and open-hearted people who know what means to respect all living things and nature. The call to be able to travel whenever you want, where-ever you want. I want to create something out of nothing, with my own hands, and make a living with that, a.k.a jewellery designing. I have turned absolutely crazy about MACRAME and I want to learn everything from it. I also use japanese kumihimo-braiding method in my work. I have found Zentangle also, which I would love to add in my jewellery design. I have couple good ideas stewing, looking forward to post some of my pieces here also.

Dreaming about ‘vehiculo vivienda’, we have a long road ahead for a bigger (and more trustable) van. But as we managed to get Pandora’s Box, we’ll be able to change for a bigger one also.

DREAM BIG!!! Life is good, life is what you make it be!

#off-grid living #nomad #mb100 #dragonoff #santa fe

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