#but listen I should use their fates verse more b/c I really love it

[memorylcst]

In having to rewrite the twin’s verses for pretty much everything I’m reminded as to why their Fates verse is actually one of my favorites for them, specifically Marc.  I mean, don’t get me wrong I love my twins regardless, but how they develop in the Fates verse is incredibly different from how they develop in every other verse because they’re separated from the start rather than being together.

There’s a few reason why they turn out so differently. For example with them being in the Fates world, they’re still in a world they’re familiar with even though it turns out to be a different version of it. They also end up in a good environment with people who love and care for them despite the fact that they don’t technically belong. They also arrive and stay together in this world so there’s the security they have in each other that helps them a lot. Their Three Houses verse is similar to their FE:A verse in that respect. They arrive together, and they eventually find a good environment with people that come to care for them.

In their Fates verse, however, things are very different. The two of them end up in entirely different kingdoms an ocean apart, and it’s only Morgan who gets that stability of having people take her in during the first year they’re there. The fact that they’re separated from each other for an extended period of time in what is really a crucial point of redeveloping them selves as people turns them both into fairly different people from who they are when they’re together and in a stable environment.

Morgan is over all pretty similar but also notably a bit of a harsher person without her brother to keep her in check. She’s a little less friendly, a lot more suspicious, defensive, and protective. She loses a lot of her playfulness from being on her own as well. Once she’s back together with her brother she’s fiercely protective of him, and will snap at the slightest bit of ill will shown to him.

Marc has a much worse time in this world then Morgan, and it causes the biggest change in his development and personality. He has absolutely none of the confidence that he shows in his other verses, none of the playfulness or bright optimism. In fact you could go so far as to say that the Awakening verses shape him into an entirely different person. He’s so much quieter, reclusive, and honestly timid; especially if you’re from Hoshido because his experiences in that country have been awful. ( because his tactician gear look Norhian and you can’t tell me he’d be welcomed by the people while wearing that ) Instead of becoming a bright and outgoing person he becomes the opposite, and only after being with Corrin/MC’s group for an extended period of time can you even begin to see little flashes of who he could have been had he been brought into a safe and stable environment.

#ooc ( chatter ) #{ lmao this got so much longer than I meant it to #but listen I should use their fates verse more b/c I really love it

[ff-imagines]

NSFW Alphabet: whiskey

Y’all really seemed to like my last whiskey headcanons and I have a lot of love for this stinky man. Here we go!

Listen while reading:

A- Aftercare (what are they like after?)

He’s not very versed to considering what other people want or need, so being put in a situation where that’s exactly what he needs to be in tune with? He’s gonna struggle for a while. You’ll need to tell him what you need for him to really do anything. You’ll always get cuddles though, he won’t outright leave you alone that night.

“What? You need some water? I.... well, alright. Stay here, get under the covers. I won’t be long.”

B- Body part (favorite body part of yours and their own)

His favorite body part of his own is his hands. He’s a very touch oriented person, likes to feel you, how you shiver or how you lean into him. He loves exploring you via touch.

“Do you like the way I touch you? How about... here...? Hmm.... that got a pleasant reaction....”

His favorite part of your body would most likely be your neck. He really likes to mark your neck, harshly. He lives for the way you squeak and squirm every time his teeth bite down on your skin. I predict turtlenecks and scarves in your future.

C- Cum (where do they like to cum & how much do they cum?)

If you let him, cumming inside of you is his dream. It feels so much more intimate in his mind, the little whines you give out as you feel the warmth filling you... he’s completely lost in it.

“I... I can’t..... hold on..... I.... God’s.... you take me so well.... here... have me... have every last drop of my love...”

If you prefer not to have him cum inside, he’d love to cum over your thighs. He’s a total leg guy, so having his cum drop from your thighs? He’s done for.

D- Dirty Secret (whats a dirty secret of theirs?)

He secretly kinda wants you to top him. He’d never want to give up his dominance, but if you were to offer... or rather... demand it.... he wouldn’t say no....

E- Experience (how much experience do they have?)

Honestly? Extremely little. He’s had small encounters here and there, but they always felt.... off. Wrong. They happened because he was curious on what it would be like, and it didn’t do much for him. He’s definitely got some learning to do.

“I’ve been waiting for the right person to share myself with.... I’ve been waiting for you.”

F- Favorite Position (self explainitory lmao)

He’s not picky, but he needs to see your face. Doggy isn’t out of the question, but there needs to be a mirror nearby where he can see your face. He prefers positions that give him control.

“Here, here... no no... don’t hide your face from me, I want to see you come undone...”

G- Goofy (how goofy are they during?)

Nope. Not at all. He’s not really goofy in general, and when he is his humor is.... very dark.

“A joke? Dearest, is this really the time?”

H- Hair (how groomed are they?)

Trimmed and proper. Hates it any other way, he feels less clean. He won’t force you to do anything, but he’ll express his wish that you do the same.

I- Intimacy (how intimate are they during?)

He might not be goofy, but damn if he doesn’t try his best to make it intimate. He’s been waiting so goddamn long for you to come into his life again, he’s gonna make sure his image is pressed into your mind as well as your body.

J- Jack Off (self ex.)

A rare occurrence. Maybe twice a month. He’s not the most sex driven person, and he’d rather spend his time with you rather than alone.

However.... he’s never touched himself so much as the days leading up to the day you help up that glowing vile of ink... you both could feel the tension, and that ink sealed your fate.

“Love.... do you have any clue how long I’ve wanted this? How many times I’ve touched myself thinking of this moment...?”

K- Kink

Honestly? If you praise him in anyway? He’ll make you see another planet.

“What...? What was that? Can you say that again? No, say that again.” “........” “..... again........ again... again...”

Big thing for biting and scratching. I mean, have you seen this mans nails?

“It hurts you say? Hehe.... well... it’s supposed to!”

Nothing too heavy, but he’s definitely interested in bondage. He’s especially interested in handcuffs.

“Not to tight right? Hm, funny, the more I bind you, the more fidgety you become....”

L- Location (where do they like to do it?)

Does not like the idea of being caught, you are for him to see and him alone. Somewhere safe, cushy, and where both of you know you won’t be interrupted.

“No no, wait. Lock the door. I don’t want anyone else seeing you. They don’t deserve too.”

M- Motivation (what gets them in the mood?)

Honestly? Just asking. Is that kinda un-sexy? Yeah. But he likes the honestly when he’s so used to nothing but lies.

“Dearest! You’re back! I just read the m—...... what? Well... I... well.... hehe.... alright. Come here.”

N- No (what will they never do?)

Besides letting anyone else in the room, he doesn’t like it when he draws blood. If he bites down or scratches and draws blood, he knows he went a little too far.

“Damn... your skin is weaker than I thought it would be... no no, it’s ok, it’s my fault. Come on, let’s get you some water. It won’t happen again.”

He also has a biiig problem with non-con role play. Also, role play in general seems silly to him, but non-con stuff is really crossing the line.

“What? People are into that? And I thought the ‘playing pretend’ thing was as low as people could get. Why would I trouble you with something you don’t want?”

O- Oral (self ex.)

Hates giving. He feels like it’s unclean, can’t stand the taste. He loves receiving however. He prefers you to spit, he feels bad when you swallow something that tastes so vile.

“Dearest, no. You don’t have too-.... oh, you did anyway. I wouldn’t be offended if you didn’t...”

P- Pace (how fast/hard do they like it?)

Super dependent on how you acted towards him that day.

Being a brat? Fast and hard.

“Today you’ve been much more... talkative. I don’t like the backtalk. Perhaps you’d like me to prove to you who is in control here?”

If you’re being sweet and cuddly? Soft and sensual.

“Come here.... you’ve been so good to me today.... maybe you’d like me to give you a reward? It’s only fair...”

He’s not a one trick pony.

Q- Quickie (how do they feel about quick rounds?)

No. He likes to take his time.

“Wha- here? Now? Dearest, no. Let’s wait till tonight and have a proper time.”

R- Risk (would they enjoy maybe being caught in the act?)

N o. 不 要. N o n. N e i n. A b s o l u t e l y not.

“Your other souls have been lurking around you lately. I don’t appreciate it.” “What?” “Of course I care about him coming to close to you! What if he ruins all I’ve made for you?” “.... don’t concern yourself with meanings...”

S- Stamina (how long do they last?)

At most, two or three rounds. He prefers one drawn out round where your absolutely spent and sore by the end of it, though.

“Hmm? Again? Well... alright. Give me a minute. Come here. Let me hold you until I’m ready.”

T- Toy (would they use toys?)

Sorta? He’d definitely use handcuffs and blindfold and the like, but not so much vibrators or dildos. He doesn’t want a piece of plastic doing his job for him.

“I’m not sure. I don’t see the point in buying what I already give you.”

U- Unfair (do they tease and deny you a lot?)

Yes. You’ll be crying begging for him and he still won’t give you what you want.

“You need to ask politely!” “I can’t hear you....” “hehe.... you weren’t loud enough that first time... maybe another twenty minutes is required to make you completely obedient....”

V- Volume (how loud are they?)

Not at all. Small grunts, and a lot of sighing. He does talk a lot, though.

“mmm... you’re so warm... I can feel the way you squeeze down on me... should I go deeper?” “Hmhm.. I’ll take that as a yes....”

W- Wild Card (random head canon)

He likes to have low lighting. Even when you’re not having sex, he likes to work by candle light.

“It’s easier on the eyes, don’t you think?”

X- X-Ray (what’s going on down there?)

Around 5.9 ish. Not small by any means, but it’s not going to kill you.

Y- Yearning (how high is their libido?)

Not exactly high, nor really low though, either. A happy medium. He is firm on when he’s not in the mood. He respects when you say no, he expects the same amount of respect.

“Dearest, We’ve already had our fun thrice the last days already, I have things to catch up on.”

Z- ZZZ... (how fast do they fall asleep after?)

.... does whiskey ever sleep? He does like how cute and exhausted you look, however.

“Hmm, asleep already? Hehe... that’s okay. You’re so cute.... I like seeing you so peaceful, so vulnerable....”

#red #Headcanon #whiskey

[im-gonna-liveforever]

ITS HECKIN TWISTED APPRECIATION WEEK SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS (part 1/2)

“YEAH THAT’S RIGHT I’M GONNA YELL ABOUT THE SOUNDTRACK LIKE I DID LAST WEEK BC TWISTED IS A GOOD HECKING MUSICAL WITH A GOOD HECKING SOUNDTRACK

(Now with favorite lines! bc why not, right?) (favorite lines either there bc I like the lyrics in that part or I really like how it sounds within the song)

I’m not a professional music person (I’ve been in band for several years and I’m pretty good, but I don’t know anything about music theory or anything abt singing) but AH WELL, I LIKE RANTING ABT MY SPECIAL INTERESTS AND THE INTERNET IS A GOOD PLACE TO FEEL LIKE I’M TALKING TO SOMEONE, SO HERE WE GO

(also there’s definitely going to be Twisted spoilers under the cut (for act one, at least), so watch out if you haven't seen it)

(also also I split this into two parts bc it’s getting late and as you can see by how this progresses, I got sleep deprived quickly plus it got way too long. This is part one with all the first act songs, part two will have the second act songs and should be up by tomorrow.)

OK THE OPENING NUMBER RIGHT?? THE INSTRUMENTALS?? THE HARMONIES??? THE GENERAL SAJKFDASJKFHDSJK???!?!? Like, it literally sounds like a Disney song but they cuss! It’s amazing!! (And all the citizens?? Comedy gold, every one of them, I swear) (AND THE FUCKINGJDSJKJDSKL SOPRANO PART???!? I’M C R Y I N G I FORGOT WHAT HER NAME WAS BUT SHES SUCH A GOOD SINGER THANK YOU FOR YOUR VOICE)

Favorite lines: 

“May the Rats ejaculate upon you!” “Thank you, thank you very much!”

“Why is everyone in the kingdom white?” “Uhh... Jafar?” 

“But ugliness permits a man to use his wits, ‘cause pretty people never have to try”

“UGLY OLD JAFAR!!”

pretty much  the whole song past the line “Why am I the only one who sees things as they are?”

Specifically “I want to be a cat!” “Wha-” “FUCK YOU!”

But more specially “Whistle while you swallow a spoonful of sugar and your dreams will come true upon a star!!!!” bc OH MY GOD IT’S BEAUTIFUL

Everyone listing how they want Jafar to die

ALSO SPECIALLY THE LAST 30 SECONDS BC AHJSAHJKADS (everything at and past the lines “and if we dream a little harder/ our patience and our honor...” etc.)

OK I STEAL EVERYTHING TIME! ULTIMATE CHAOS SONG, AND I LOVE. BE THE EVIL GREMLIN YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD. Also: the jazziness?? the opening instrumentals??? it’s so good. To the people playing the instrumentals for this musical: ,,,thank you,,,.,. (Also I learned recently that most of Jeff’s songs are in my range so guess who’s gonna try and learn this song?)

Favorite lines:

“Fetch, ya fucks!”

Did I mention the instrumentals?? bc hfhhhjdklsajk They seem simple but they’re also going ham and I love it

“Monkey thought we should just kill you, but I said ‘No, monkey, that’s crazy’ but now I’m thinking, yeah, no more fucking raisins...’“

“Thanks but no, thanks, ‘The Man’“

Honestly every line in this is golden, but I can’t put them all in and that sucks

“You’re only in trouble if you get caught!” “Aladdin?” “I’m in trouble!”

“Just one question, why, man?” “’Cause you stole my daughter’s hymen!” “That’s completely fair, but, in my defense, dude, your daughter’s hot!”

EVERYTHING AND MOOREE!!! SHE WANTS IT ALL AND I’M CRYING BC SHE SOUNDS BEAUTIFUL WHILE DOING SO. (I just realized that there’s 14 songs on this soundtrack and I’m sorry in advance for how long this post A) already is and B) is going to get) This song is so dramatic and that somehow fits the mood of her character and I love it so much and just ahdshjkds. Also it’s just?? So pretty????

Favorite lines:

“But it’s just like, whatever”

“I just want to be free so badly! You slaves could never understand. :(”

“You’re probably thinking, she’s got everything. Well, it’s true, ‘cause I do, but so the fuck what?”

“I WANT THE MOON! I WANT TO LIVE ON THE MOON! And eat it in a pie! And keep it as a pet! and wear it like a gemstone in my hair!”

“As I laugh in their faces of moonbeam pie!!”

“It’s enough to make me with I were lowly and poor... But like... with money!”

THA GOLDEN FUCJKLCIODIGN RULE. LIKE HOLY SHIT I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH. AND THE DANCING THEY DO WITH IT IN THE SHOW ITSELF??? IT’S THE BEST. THE FIUCUING BEST. I’M CRYING. THE DANCING IS SO  GOOD. AND SO IS THIS SONG. Also, it’s the #1 Starkid song I’d be comfortable showing to my mom, which is a definite plus! (I could also show this to my church pastor and he’d?? definitely like it, so that’s also a definite plus) And everyone’s so nice to Jafar, espically compared to the opening number and it just makes me so sad and let me give Jafar a hug, goddammit. ALSO also please let me meet the saxophone player and shake his hand, I don’t play saxophone but what he’s doing here is amazing. WAIT ALSO ALSO ALSO MAY I MEET THAT FLUTE PLAYER BC I’M JUST NOW HEARING THE FLUTE (AND HOW DID I NOT NOTICE IT BEFORE, I PLAY THAT INSTRUMENT???) AND I’M FUCJKIGDFONG HOLY SHIT JSUT FUCKINGJDSJKL ;BOUNCE AROUND ON THOSE NOTES WHY DON’T YOU I’M SAJDSKCDSJS

Favorite lines:

“Why it’s as easy as a 1,2,3,4!”

“Always treat others like sisters and brothers!” 

all of the lines just sound so good, I can’t choose 

The way Dylan Saunders says “Man” that that first time, like holy shit

The whole conversation between Omar and the thief

[completely monotone] “My hunger blinded me and forced me to act like an animal.”

AND THEN OMAR AND THE THIEF SING THE PART AND IT SOUNDS SO GOOD

The “boop boop bop doop zeep do-wow!” in the background during that part

“Good luck Jafar! And! Re! Mem! Ber!”

And then the whole ensemble sings it and it sounds so good

oh good god we’re not even 5 songs in yet i’m so sorry 

GOLDEN RULE: EVIL REPRISE, OR, AS I CALL IT, “GOLDEN RULE WENT EMO BUT I STILL LOVE AND SUPPORT THEM”. Those dissonant sounds at the beginning? beautiful. All the random evil laughter? amazing. Whatever the heck the saxophonist is doing at the end? breathtaking, give me more. Joe Walker’s voice?? just fucking dhdsfjkfdlashjdsfklhfdsjkl

Favorite lines:

“Lets him rule the land WITH an iron fist!”

“The prize for winning? MORE GOLD, HAHA! And the game begins again!”

[sarcastically] “’Follow the golden rule’? Boy don’t be such a fool!”

“Follow the gold! Follow the gold! Follow the gold!” “AND RUUULE!!”

DID I MENTION THAT FUCKING SAXOPHONE PLAYER BC DUDE FUCKING AHSDJKDFS

the final “And Rule!”

Don’t be fooled bc this one is so short, it’s nearing midnight for me and also this song is really short. In reality, I fucking love this song and it’s one of my absolute favorite starkid villain songs and also one of my absolute favorites from this musical.

A THOUSAND AND ONE NIGHTS IS SOME FUCKINGNDSKLJ; GOOD SHIT I’M. Also, I don’t listen to it enough, so I’m giving y’all a running commentary as I listen to it for the first time outside of watching the whole musical 1) I love accidentals and key changes, and i’m,,, crying just the first verse is so good already, why haven’t I listened to this song enough 2) I’M CRYING I WANT TO KNOW THEIR STORY TOO THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS I’M CRYINGHJFDSJKSD 3) they keep using the word “’twist” and i’m ahsdhjkds bro 4) DYLAN YOUR VOICE. YOUR VOICE, IT’S TOO GOOD. IT MUST BE STOPPED, YOU’RE TOO GOOD, DYLAN 5) “LINGER OVER EVERY PART” OH MAN IT SOUDNS SO GOOD. SO GOOD. AHHHHHHDSHJDSFKLHJK 6) OK I’M LIKE ACTUALLY CRYINGN NOW THEY’RE IN LOVE. THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS. OH  GOD OH FUCK 7) AND THEY SOUND SO GOOD, TOO, WHY HAVEN’T I LISTENED TO THIS SONG ENOUGH AHDHJKLDAS

OK I haven’t listened to this song enough to have favorite lines just yet, also I want to at least get to the end of the first act before I go to bed and it’s already midnight rn, so we’re going ahead and moving on (so sorry!)

IF I BE-FUCKIN-LIEVED. OH GOD. THIS ONE. THIS ONE IS SO GOOD. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. THE FLUTE, THE WORDS, THE SINGING LIKE GODDAMN. This one is also kinda within my range so I’m also trying to learn to sing it bc it’s just that good (cons of being a contralto: you get no female songs in musicals, pros of being a contralto: you get all the cool higher tenor songs) The raw emotion in his voice??? I’m crying??? The strength and soul and beauty and just ashjdskl;jdsfkl; it’s so, so beautifully and wonderfully amazing

Favorite lines:

“Science says you’re dead and gone forever! Reason says I’m talking to the air! But something in my heart, some secret, hidden part, illogically insists that you are there! Somewhere!!”

“Perhaps it’s not too late, to change the course of fate?”

“‘Cause after all, I must be pretty great... if you believed in me...”

Again this song is really short and there’s not a lot of lines to choose from and also I love them all and dfhjskdskjl this is just such a good song

I’m still crying

ORPHANED AT 33!!! [insert Peggle 2 gif] CHAOS... T W O!!!! HE’S MR ORPHAN, AKA CHAOS MAN (NOW WITH A MUSICAL NUMBER!) (I’m also trying to learn this one bc let me splurge in trying to teach myself Twisted songs, ok?) He’s being tragic and over-dramatic and it’s a beautiful song! and I also love how in the studio version, he doesn’t mention that they died earlier that year, so it almost comes as a shock when he says “when I was orphaned at... thirty-three” and it just makes the song that much funnier, trust me

Favorite lines:

I know I said this abt most of the other songs up to this point, but can I say all the lines? because all the lines

“[My parents are] dead... that makes me an orphan :’(”

“‘Cause my story’s just too saaad!”

“They call me a jerk off! a burn-out! A punk! But I can’t let that stuff in my head!”

“All things considered, I think I turned out pretty good! I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and started s t e a l i n g  a l l  I  c o u l d!”

”I’ll make it through somehow, despite being so sadly and crushingly all alone...”

“I’ll BREAK THE CHAIN!! YOU’LL SEE!!! I’M GONNA L I V E  F O R E V E R!!!!1!111!”

The last “thirty-three” bc Jeff oh my god what is that voice

HAPPY ENDING TIME, HECK YEAH!!!!! THIS SONG,,,, SO, SO GOOD, I’M A FUCKING SUCKER FOR SONGS WITH MORE THAN ONE PART THAT ALL END TOGETHER IN A HARMONY. THAT IS PEAK MUSICIANSHIP AND JUSTHSDHJFKSAD Also someone pointed this out to me, but the way to goes from Aladdin’s weirdly horny lines straight to the princess going “oh Aladdin, you poor, innocent soul :(” is just the funniest thing to me. And how it calls back to thier own solos, I’m???!? OH AND INSTRUMENTALS AGAIN. THE BAND FUCKING KILLED IT WITH THIS MUSICAL, IT’S SO, SO GOOD JUST AHDSJKLAKKFAnd the energy in it?? The excitement for the next act??? I’m pumped!! Are you pumped?? WELL GET READY BC YOU WILL BE

Favorite lines:

Yet a-fucking-gain I love every goshdarn line in this song, it’s just too good

“They’ll throw a parade in my honor, with peacocks and monkeys galore!”

“The people will cheer!” [cool guitar bit]

[Jafar’s relatively calm part ends] [electric guitar starts back up and Aladdin jumps on stage] “I CaN’T wAiT tO bE A RicH DUdE!!!11!1!″

“Stealing is so much easier when you’ve already got tons of gold!”

“I’ve got my eye! On what money can’t buy! ‘cause that princess is OH! Hella tight! I’ll be the one who plunders her cave of wonders! I’ll get my happy ending tonight!”

“My innocent Aladdin!”

Yes i’m fully aware I put pretty much Aladdin’s full part in there, stop judging me, it’s a good part

“It puts a damper on our love if you don’t have a head” 

“So with with your permission, I’d like to bring back your bride!”

just. Jafar’s whole fantasy where he’s happy with his wife. I’m crying again, please just let him be happy

THE ENDING PART WHERE THEY ALL START UP AND BRING UP THIER OWN HOPES FOR THAT NIGHT AND THEY SING THE FINAL”TONIGHT!!!” ALL TOGETHER AND THEN THERE’S THAT COOL LITTLE 2 SECOND INSTRUMENTAL BIT AT THE VERY END IT’S JUST,.,, SO GOOD I’M DSJHDASHJKSDJK

Ok yeah that’s the end of the first act of songs! I should have the next part up by tomorrow, so get ready for more capslock and keysmashes and me generally being excited abt music bc MUSIC HECK YEAH DFFHADSJKHDAS

#twisted #twisted musical #starkid twisted #twisted starkid #starkid rewind #music #i love each and every song on this playlist and if you asked me to choose a favorite I'd black out for at least 2 days trying to decide #honestly tho these songs are so good #twisted soundtrack #musicals #musicals soundtrack

[significanceofsongs]

Breathe - The Newsboys

This is the first in a series. Right now, the working title is: “The Potential Pitfalls of Evangelical Christianity - set to catchy tunes!” I’m not only going to write about Christian music, but nevertheless, it’s a topic that has been heavy on my mind as of late. This series will be a re-analysis of songs that I used to listen to when I was an Evangelical Christian - before I had a faith crisis and decided that it wasn’t for me. In my Evangelical bubble culture, I was always pushed to only listen to Christian music. In an ironic twist of fate, it was not so much sleazy classic rock that made Christianity ultimately seem unappealing to me, but Christian music itself. It’s not because the Christian music was “bad”; I still like some of the songs on this list from a musical standpoint. It’s because their lyrics stated - even celebrated - some of the contradictions and problems of the faith walk in such an unappealing way that I was forced to consider whether Evangelical Christianity was what I wanted to actually do. 

The irony is that - if my parents were concerned with me continuing in the faith - they should have discouraged me from listening to Christian rock. Forget Jimi Hendrix - we know heroin is bad. I can enjoy Purple Haze without feeling the pull of creeping nihilism. Christian Rock on the other hand...

So without further ado, here’s my first blog post about song meanings, ever.  Breathe - Newsboys This song is a jam, actually. Take something like the guitar solo from “We Will Rock You” by Queen and set it to a drum solo. Then add some pleasingly gruff/edgy male vocals that sort of sound like a cross between Crocodile Dundee and a more polished John Lennon. Polish it off with a memorable, catchy chorus. It’s actually pretty kick ass. Were it to have a broadly relate-able set of lyrics, it could be a hit on alternative rock radio in the mid nineties. Speaking of the Lyrics:

Verse 1:

Tuesday the third,

I'll call this entry "Mistake"

Cheap imitation

My life feels like a fake

A people person

Some days people annoy me

I'm growing edgy

Wednesday's title: "Avoid Me"

[Chorus]

Breathe on me

Breathe oh Breath of God

Breathe on me

'til my heart is new

Breathe on me

Breathe oh Breath of Life

Breathe on me

'til I love like You do

Verse 2:

Thursday, the fifth

I title "Drivers Beware"

Tempered-a-mental

And I don't really care

I gave 'til I bled

You laughed when I fainted

Don't want to live this life

Bitter and tainted

[Chorus]

As far as songs on this list go, this one seems pretty tame. Parents could play this for their kids and not worry too much that they'll get crazy ideas about God. Theologically speaking, it has more basis than a lot of the songs on the list. Most of them are absurd and this one deserves a bit more respect and consideration.

Part 1 - What it's about - The 30,000 foot view:

In Breathe, the lyricist for the the Newsboys is channeling the biblical author Paul when he exclaims in Romans 7:15-25

15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a]

For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it... 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

The verses of Breathe are a somewhat poetic reflection on this chapter, imbued with the author's personal struggles in the late 20th century as subject matter to make it relatable. The author sings about feeling like an imposter. He aspires to be a Christian and calls himself one, but it's hard to live up to those ideals when people are annoying, needy, callous, or bad at driving. Heck it's hard to live out the ideals of Christianity when you wake up on the wrong side of the bed. According to the lyricist, the solution for this malaise is God's Holy Spirit breathing spiritual life into him. During the chorus, he condenses an interpretation of Roman's 8 into a couple of bars.

8 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 2 because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you[a] free from the law of sin and death. 3 For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh,[b] God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering.[c] And so he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

5 Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6 The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. 7 The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. 8 Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God.

9 You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. 10 But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life[d] because of righteousness. 11 And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of[e] his Spirit who lives in you.

12 Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. 13 For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.

14 For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. 15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.[f] And by him we cry, “Abba,[g] Father.” 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

In other words, according to the Author (and Paul): We can never attain perfection on our own. We can only attain righteousness if we live according to "The Spirit" of Christ and have the Spirit of Christ within us.

In Breathe, the metaphor of the breath of the spirit imbuing life into a spiritually dead person is used to communicate the essence of verse 8 of Romans in a few simple lines. 

But the anxiety Paul and the Newsboys author feel is very real and palpable through these words. Paul is a bit more vague; "I don't want to do x, but I find myself doing x anyway." I think he's trying to leave it open to interpretation - "Whatever you think is wrong, but cant control". The Newsboys author is pretty personal about his pain points. They are:

1. Being around people too much and getting annoyed with them

2. Giving of himself and having it not appreciated

3. Road Rage

There are two possible scenarios here; 

In scenario #1 the author is pulling the ultimate Christian humblebrag flex on everyone. Some Christians are dealing with addictions, mental illness, etc. Some Christians are total jerks and are genuinely trying to be less of jerks. Some Christians are sex addicts. This guy though; sometimes he gets mad when he's driving around, sometimes people bug him, and sometimes he gives too much and people take advantage of him and it makes him bitter. He's pretty much a super Christian but he can always improve!

"Oh woe is me! I had a stray lustful thought about a Victoria's Secret lingerie model that I saw in a magazine stand on Thursday! I need the Big Man's help to not think these things anymore. Don't tell my wife." 

In scenario #2, we have a guy who is genuinely humble and sincerely thinks that being grumpy sometimes is really bad. He genuinely wants to get better at not being grumpy so he can love people better and be a better witness.

Paradoxically I think some Christians find themselves in both camps somehow. I know I felt both things pretty acutely at the same time when I was living that life. Being the #1 Christian and yet never good enough is a very stressful way to live. No wonder Christians write rock songs about it. It is emotional torture, and they have the blues about it. 

Part 2 - Fear

It's one thing if you're a recovering drug addict who is living paycheck to paycheck and compulsively shoplifts but is trying really hard to get your life together. Paul's words might be inspirational. You're not alone in trying to get your life together. God is with you and can help you learn prosocial skills and hone some coping mechanisms other than opioids. God can help heal whatever it is that drove you to drinking.

But if you pretty much have your life together and you're beating yourself up over being grumpy when someone treats you poorly... that becomes emotionally exhausting. Some people can live in that headspace 24/7, but I can't. It's horrible. Even if I did get occasionally get some sort of perverse satisfaction out of being pretty righteous and good, it was a momentary moment of grim satisfaction followed by a series of anxious thoughts; "all sin is the same in eyes of God, etc".

When I was a teenager and struggling with this problem, my mom told me that I had "Older Brother Syndrome". She was referring to the older brother in the parable of the prodigal son. Younger son demands his inheritance and goes on a bender. Younger son hits rock bottom and decides to come home. His father welcomes him back with open arms and a big celebration. But older brother is pissed. Older brother says "I've been here the whole time and doing the right thing. Where's my reward". Father says "I love you son and what's mine is yours, but I was really worried about your younger brother and I'm just really glad he's back." And later Jesus goes on to say that someone who is forgiven much loves much but someone who is forgiven little loves little. The implication being that I wasn't a piece of human garbage so I couldn't really appreciate what God did for me because God didn't have to do that much to get me straight.

My mom got it wrong. I wasn't anxious or mad that some "rough around the edges teenager" found their way to God and it was a big deal. I had a keen theological understanding of the importance of Jesus' death on the cross and also am sensitive and it sounds unimaginably horrible - so I was incredibly thankful that he died for my sin.

No, it's more like if the older brother is terrified that the dad is going to kick him out of the house if he doesn't achieve some sort of spiritual achievement that allows him to do some sort of spiritual combo move that makes it so he can get kicked in the nuts by a sociopath and just shrug it off like "whatever".

It's a big leap from being "healed of suffering through communion with the Spirit" to "somehow being totally impervious to pain, suffering, and grumpiness so that one can become a super Christian". How does the writer of Breathe get to that point? I get it if Paul was trying to stop the smack or cut back on the strange and he felt like he was in need of some divine intervention, but I suspect he was in the same place as the writer of Breathe; desperately wanting to become a  

S U P E R   C H R I S T I A N.

---

Did you know that Paul's letters were penned before the Gospels? According to the generally accepted scholarly consensus, Paul's letters were put out as recently as 15 years after the events described in the Gospels, whereas the Gospels were written anonymously, from 40-50 years after the events they described. NEVERTHELESS, I think that there probably was a collection of "sayings of Jesus" that were floating around before Paul wrote his gospel. In his writing in Romans 7-8, I think Paul is sorting and wrestling through a couple of Jesus' "hard sayings". 

For instance; Jesus told his followers that they must be more righteous than the most righteous and dedicated religious figures of the day in order to enter the kingdom of heaven.

Jesus also told a rich guy (who followed all of the Jewish laws) that he must give away all of his wealth in order to be saved.

(And this is key) Jesus told people that "Sure it says not to murder, but also it's a sin if you get mad. Sure it says not to cheat on your wife, but if you feel lust towards anyone else, that's also a sin."

So then who can be saved? And does this even make any sense? If we get mad at someone it's a sin? Who can ever not get mad sometimes? Let me tell you, if you repress your anger all of the time, you just get depressed and you're hard to be around anyway. If you repress your natural biological attraction to your preferred gender, you start to resent them for making you feel sinful thoughts. 

So it makes sense that the Newsboys are invoking the Holy Spirit to help them with their road rage and creeping lowkey misanthropy. They read where Jesus says that you have to be perfect to get into heaven - to feel no lust or anger ever. But they can't hit that target. No one can. But then Paul comes in and says, "Yeah no one can, BUT that's why we live according to the Holy Spirit. God will come in and heal our misanthropy and lust so we can become like Buddha supposedly was - unaffected by the BS of day-to-day life and able to accept kicks in the balls with ease and a smile and never check out the hot person walking down the street. Never.

I think Jesus was maybe trolling people like Paul and me and the Newsboys. I think he was trying to get us to snap out of it. But instead, like a Pokémon, we hurt ourselves in our confusion and anxiety; we doubled down and wrote Romans and Breathe begging God to make us ever more perfect. I think you can’t be perfect. Yeah, I mean, don’t be a psychopath that murders people or whatever. Generally try to be a decent human being. I just think that it’s impossible to be “ethically perfect” in this world, and I think Jesus was trying to say that ethical perfection is not the source of salvation. 

Part 3 - Burn Out

The sun releases a tremendous amount of energy into space every day. Without this kajillion gigawatt infusion of electromagnetic energy, life would not exist on this planet. We take the sun's energy and change it's form and re-purpose it for other things. We spend most of our lives processing the sun's energy. Think about it; when you eat a bell pepper, it was literally conjured from thin air, dirt, and sunlight through the process of photosynthesis. Then you take that energy and convert it to another kind of energy and then you produce some poop which fungus takes and processes into another form. We're basically spending our whole lives dealing with energy. Even when you're sitting there breathing you're just casually processing energy from the sun through various forms. The entire world is playing a game of hot potato trying to deal with the constant barrage of light and heat. Some modern scientists think that life was actually just solid matter's way of organizing itself to deal with electromagnetic energy. Without life, earth might look more like Venus - a twisted hellscape - because no one would be around to play hot potato with all of that light and heat.

The energetic forces that surround us can be gentle, like a warm spring day, or they can be wild and difficult to deal with - like a whitewater rapid.

S T O R Y   T I M E

Speaking of whitewater rapids; in my mid to late twenties and early thirties, I used to go whitewater rafting at Maupin every summer with some friends. We didn't have a ton of money, and my friend Brandon really loves rafting, so he organized the trip, rented out a raft, and took us all out on the water without a professional guide. Every year, we'd float down the river on our little self-guided tour - sometimes three or four times over the course of a weekend. Brandon started out as the guide, but he got tired of it and eventually let other people guide. At least once every weekend, I'd be the guide, so I got pretty good at it.

A few years after our first whitewater trip, our new friend Steve came along. Steve is a political libertarian and a bank manager so he has an enlightened leadership style involving autonomy and trust. His goal is to empower and equip his team to problem solve and work together. Contrast this with the normal leadership style on the Raft. In his turn leading, confident Brandon casually barked orders at the rafters and micromanaged every aspect of what was going on with the trip. On my turn guiding that year, I sat down and immediately growled "We're going to have some fun, so shut up and do what I say. And don't for the love of God, start paddling unless I say so … *five minutes into the trip* … Steve! Stop it!" So it's natural that Steve would get annoyed with this (not knowing anything about how to guide this particular crew on this particular river), and try to use his libertarian bank manager leadership style on the team. On his turn, he started out by saying "I'm not going to tell you what to do. I want you to look down the river, decide what needs to be done and just start doing it." It might work in certain situations, but it was a failure in this case. 

Without any strong direction as to what to do, the front half of the boat got smashed drunk and started yelling about their boobs or dicks (as applicable) for no reason. Nary an oar was seen touching the water, much less paddling. We haphazardly and slowly poked down the river, completely missing the rapids. Steve realized the error of his ways and started trying to give orders, but over half of the raft completely ignored him. We'd get caught in eddies and swirls and just sit there while Steve tried to figure out how to get people to paddle us out. I tried to help him yell at people, but he had totally lost the team at this point. They were out of control. My wife was terrified, since the raft was totally out of control. Meanwhile, I was jaded from years of rafting and wanted to hit the rapids as hard as possible. We missed the sweet spots every time. It was sort of the worst of both worlds. We were a crew of 9 people tasked with dealing with an extraordinary amount of force and energy - managing the sheer power and ferocity of the river. But without a strong hierarchy, we just kind of fell apart. Granted, we were never in any actual danger because we missed all of the rapids. It was a boring, annoying run. 

Contrast that with my gruff leadership style. Afterwards, people told me that it was one of the best runs they ever had. We worked together as a finetuned machine. The same was true of Brandon's casual, mature command of the situation.

Don't extrapolate anything crazy from this story. I'm not saying that we should devolve into political fascism or something. But what I am saying is that people form hierarchies and leadership structures in order to deal with problems. In our case, the river was the problem. We needed to figure out the best way to safely get from one end of the river to the next while having as much fun as possible. In our case, only one person needed to figure that out and everyone else needed to just go along for the ride, but there are many different styles of hierarchies that work in different situations - yes, including Steve's libertarian bank manager style.

On earth, Humans are the ultimate managers of energy and chaos. It's our #1 survival strategy. When our lives aren't on the line, we manage chaos for fun - jumping out of an airplane, organizing our room, or writing a song. But there is a lot of "not fun" chaos to manage in the world, and there are some humans who are dedicated to managing that chaos. I'm referring to Social Workers, Pastors, Counselors, Psychologists, Non-Profit Managers, Case Managers, Nurses, EMTs, Doctors, Surgeons, Crime Victim Advocates, Police Officers, Firefighters, Civil Engineers, etc. This class of people has many faces and functions, but they are all trying to do the same thing; keep the "raft" of society afloat. People voluntarily do this work - in most cases not because the rewards are great - but because they see the need and they feel like they are the people to fill the need. (Even being a doctor, YES you can make a lot of money. But there are easier and more effective ways to make a lot of money - ones that don't involve gross bodies. Jesus might have called these people "The Salt of the Earth".

The point is, that some people are hardwired to want to help others. I work at a non-profit that offers mental health counseling, and we recently hired a new counselor. I asked him why how he got into that line of work and his response was telling:

"I grew up on a reservation and saw all of the alcoholism and domestic violence and nasty stuff going on around me and I wondered: 'why do people do that stuff?'. So I went and talked to my school guidance counselor and they said 'oh, you should be a counselor'. So here I am". This sentiment is echoed by countless counselors and case managers all over the world. They want to help make the world less bad. From within them is a deep well of empathy and caring. 

And let's look at the motivations of the writer of the song Breathe. Why does he want the Holy Spirit to make him more ethically perfect and impervious to the humiliations and perils of modern life? So that he doesn't go to hell? It's maybe a bit of that, but even more so: It's so that he can love like God - so that he can be better at helping to heal the hurt and manage the chaos around him.

This is a beautiful sentiment actually. I may make fun of most of the songs on the list, but (despite some heavy flexing) this one is coming from a relatively pure place. In my twenties and reading up on various world religions, I was surprised to find that this sort of sentiment is echoed in some Eastern religions. Compare this line of thinking to the Tao Te Ching, chapter 2. 

http://www.with.org/tao_te_ching_en.pdf

As soon as beauty is known by the world as beautiful, it becomes ugly. As soon as virtue is being known as something good, it becomes evil. 

Therefore being and non-being give birth to each other. Difficult and easy accomplish each other. Long and short form each other. High and low distinguish each other. 

Sound and tone harmonize each other. 

Before and after follow each other as a sequence.

Realizing this, the saint performs effortlessly according to the natural Way without personal desire, and practices the wordless teaching thru one’s deeds. 

The saint inspires the vitality of all lives, without holding back. 

He nurtures all beings with no wish to take possession of. He devotes all his energy but has no intention to hold on to the merit. 

When success is achieved, he seeks no recognition. 

Because he does not claim for the credit, hence shall not lose it. 

And some of the best counselors and helpers I have come across have been atheists - willing to put themselves on the line and suffer to help others - to the point where they actually need to dial it back because they are getting burnt out.

So I struggle with these lyrics because they presuppose that if they roll high enough on prayer and spirituality that God will turn them into a superhuman of love - capable of "nurturing all beings". I question whether this is good for anyone. 

I read about one Christian woman that was actually murdered because she was actively practicing her faith. She was hanging out with homeless people at a soup kitchen and she met a charming homeless man there. She let him come back to her house so he would have a warm, safe, and dry place to live. I'm sure she was inspired by Jesus' teachings about "whatever you do unto the least of these, you do also unto me". What she didn't realize was that this guy was homeless because he was a psychopathic criminal who had been released from jail and no one would hire him. The dude murdered her in her own home.

Jesus says "Don't cast your pearls before swine". In other words, don't give until you bleed for people who take advantage of it and use you for your kindness. If I am driving a bus and it's lost control and I have to choose between the woman who invited the homeless murderer into her house, or the homeless murderer himself. I'm going to hit the homeless guy every time, and I hate to say it, but in spite of all of this talk about everyone being equal in the eyes of God, I'm doing the world a favor. Yes, it's important to love others and try to make the world a better place, but if we do it so much that we ourselves are suffering, we're actually increasing the total amount of suffering happening in the world and we're doing no one any favors. Keeping that nice lady around is actually increasing the amount of love and care in the world. As individuals, we're not responsible or capable of fixing every problem and there has to be consequences for being awful.

Part 4 - Oppression:

Part of the reason I stopped going to Church is that the evangelical church pushes the idea that being human and feeling human things is wrong. Our humanity is bad and sinful and we can never please God unless we go into a super spiritual mode wherein we transcend our humanity and become impervious to PATHETIC human frailties, like the feelings of anger and lust. I don’t think that’s what life is all about. The author of Breathe is judging his own human frailties to be wrong and sinful, when in reality, he’s probably just a guy trying his best - like most of us. Anger is just a feeling, sort of like getting burned. If you’re feeling angry, it’s often a warning sign - a warning that perhaps you are being mistreated or that things aren’t right. In this case, from my comfortable armchair-analysis-distance, it seems like this guy is getting burnt out. He needs to rest, not to unlock some spiritual achievement to become impervious to the stresses of modern life. Feeling anger is never wrong. It’s what you might do with it that could be wrong or not. That said, if you feel angry all of the time, that’s wearing and tiring. You need to address the root cause of all of that rage. 99.9% of the time, it’s not that you’re a crappy person - it’s that your needs aren’t being met. 

For instance, I used to obsess over stuff like this - asking myself “Am I a good enough Christian/person? Is my spiritual awareness on max? Are my emotions in check? Am I being a good enough light?” I spent countless hours praying and thinking about this sort of thing. But in the process, I totally missed my real problems. I spent so much energy dealing with a disapproving, barely tolerant vision of god, that I missed the areas in my life that actually really sucked and that I didn’t know how to deal with. The Church didn’t offer any help and actually encouraged a kind of thinking that made my problems worse. I was angry and often not very nice to be around because I wasn’t getting my needs met. I wasn’t meeting my needs because I was so focused on achieving the shallow, untenable status of “super Christian”, and not focused enough on meeting my own personal needs.

And this brings us around full circle to “Breathe”, which is the gruff, edgy anthem of that life. If you’re black, living in the South in the fifties or early sixties and you cant eat at the same restaurants as white people, and your friends are getting lynched, and Jim Crow laws prevent you from voting, you can easily channel that rage into a proper rock and roll song. Even if you don’t write a song about that particular topic, you are oppressed, and your act of making rock and roll is daring and powerful. It’s an affront to the oppression pervading your society.

If you’re a white kid living in New York in the early 1980s and you feel like your whole life is laid out for you and simultaneously you don’t have much in the way of career prospects because the economy is horrible, you can channel your anger into some decent hardcore punk. It’s an affront to the oppressive forces that are making your life hard. Maybe your life isn’t quite as hard as example number 1, but your anger is real, so. If you’re a Christian who wants to be a better person so much so that you feel stressed about it; if you are constantly judging yourself for not measuring up - even though you’re trying your best, then you can write a convincing rock song about it. I’m not sure which “man” you’re sticking it to though. Some Christians might piously reply that you’re sticking it to your sin nature. Your sin nature is the problem that makes you feel road rage so you have to fight the man. I’d flip the script a bit though. 

Perhaps your road rage is a natural response to situational factors beyond your control. The city council is dominated by corrupt officials that are paying incompetent construction companies to do shoddy work that always needs to be fixed which results in constant construction on the freeway. Perhaps your government is dominated by officials who do not want to pay funds for infrastructure and are refusing dedicate resources to widening the interstate freeway to make enough lanes to handle traffic. Perhaps your city government didn’t plan for a proper public transportation system as your city was mostly built during the automobile era, and now instead of fixing public transportation, they’re spending billions to gentrify neighborhoods so that rich people will move there so that they can have more tax revenue to build a bigger stadium. Now you have a one hour commute each way. How could you not be at least a little bit pissed about those things? 

Sure, a two hour daily commute is a soul-sucking waste of time, but the angst isn’t really about that for the writer of Breathe. He’s just angsty and judgy of himself for feeling road rage and, Idk - maybe honking a bit too long sometimes. Whereas the boot on Chuck Berry’s face was segregation, and the boot on Ian MacKaye’s face was “mainstream society”, the boot on your face is your own self-chosen religion - therefore, it’s your own boot. So really, what you’re writing a convincing rock song about is being oppressed by your own religion. In other words, Breathe helped me realize that I was being oppressed by my own religion - eg; by me - since I could choose to be a part of it or not. So, I guess...Thanks? Newsboys? The writer of Breathe thinks he’s extra righteous and holy since he feels angsty about his own “imperfections”. Some people are into that, I guess. Guilt is part of being a human being, but to me, life is hard enough without feeling extra guilty about everything. You already have to deal with traffic; but then to deal with the angst that you have around your anger at having to deal with traffic? This is absurd. Just take care of yourself and try to eliminate the problem of traffic from your life as much as you can. Be kind to yourself when you do feel anger. Otherwise, you’ll just feel madder and then you might actually do something bad. In summary, to the author I would say. “Bro. You are already almost maxing on love, and the next level is pretty unobtainable + it might not even be your job or a good idea. Maybe your problem is that you need to take some time for yourself sometimes so you are feeling recharged and ready to help when you're around people who are annoying and crappy. Perhaps you should try to get a job that's closer to home so you don't have to spend so much time in the car. It's better for the environment anyway. I know that’s is hard because housing in the city is expensive. So barring that, try meditation, so that you are more aware of and in control of your emotions. It's ok to feel mad sometimes, though bro. I don't think Jesus was seriously trying to say anyone can ever not be mad sometimes. If you really think he was, maybe go to a different church or something. Don't cast your pearls before swine. Set boundaries with the jerks in your life. Don't let them have power by virtue of being jerks who are willing to completely ignore the Gospels - or barring even that - a sense of common decency and respect. Go easier on yourself. It will be ok. If you do those things, you might have a bit more energy to spend on prayer and spirituality.