#but the acid and ESPECIALLY the molly made talking about our feelings with each other really easy and safe feeling

[anotherpapercut]

hi more drug question

I have been told many many times that using ecstasy will basically fry your seratonin receptors so that you will never be able to feel happy again unless you are using the drug. I am assuming now that this is false but I am curious now as to how false. Is it something that CAN happen if you take too much at once or too often, or is this just random Drug Scary misinformation

Also also since wellbutrin is not an SSRI does LSD work when you are on it or does it also cancel it out

lol that's kind of an extreme version of what I usually hear! you're right that basically the answer here is no. this comes from a couple different things. first is MDMA induced serotonin toxicity, and 2nd is something called "serotonin syndrome" which is a real thing that can happen, but it's really really hard to get like this. prepare for a very long answer lmfaooo

MDMA induced serotonin toxicity occurs when you take too high doses too frequently. MDMA IS slightly neurotoxic, but so are many prescription drugs so don't let that word freak you out too much! basically MDMA works by dumping large amounts of serotonin into your brain, hence why it's the happy/love drug lol. if you take too much too often, your brain will straight up run out of serotonin. obviously that's bad! it's not as simple as "never feeling happy again" but you will essentially have depression for a bit because of lack of serotonin (on its own, low serotonin levels following modest MDMA use is not damaging and resolves within a few days) but the real problem is that if you are on MDMA with depleted serotonin, your brain will continue releasing dopamine which will attach to the serotonin receptors and damage them. this is what can cause long term depression symptoms, the damaged serotonin receptors. ultimately your brain will heal this on its own unless for some reason I guess you keep taking it a lot (which would have no effect. when you take too much MDMA your brain just runs out of serotonin to dump so like. it just won't work lol)?? it can also be treated with the supplement NAC, which I would recommend taking any time you use MDMA because of this!

to sum up MDMA toxicity: it can happen but only if you're misusing it! it's generally recommended that you dont do much more than 1 dose every 3 months or so to make sure your brain has time to reset. research interactions with anything else you're using (prescription or not), take some NAC in the weeks following a dose, drink a lot of water, keep your body temperature regular because that can worsen it, and take some antioxidants like alpha lipoic acid and grape seed oil during/immediately after taking MDMA - it's when you come down that your brain is delicate and could use the protection. also this may sound counterintuitive but weed also has antioxidant properties, so smoking it as you come down helps a lot. also if you DO have MDMA toxicity taking more MDMA will not help u feel happy unfortunately it will just make it worse lol, your brain only has so much serotonin to give

now serotonin syndrome can happen with the misuse of any drug that works on serotonin including MAOIs, SSRIs, and SNRIs, usually by taking a VERY large dose (but some people are just extremely sensitive). it usually takes care of itself eventually, but the amount of time it takes and stuff is kinda hard to pin down bc it's REALLY misunderstood and tends to be overly self diagnosed. again this is like super super hard to do. you would have to take a MASSIVE dose or mix it with other serotonin affecting drugs (ESPECIALLY MAOIs. DO NOT MIX MDMA WITH MAOI ANTI DEPRESSANTS). like 5 times the normal dose at least probably (partner is currently trying to find some literature on it so he'll add that in the replies if he finds anything interesting). it will cause things like heightened anxiety and body temperature and can cause kidney problems or seizures if it's like really bad and untreated. but you'd feel REALLY bad before it got to that point, so in general like, if you take any type of drug and feel extremely bad after go to the doctor lol. mostly this will also just heal itself; your brain is pretty resilient! again usually if this does happen it's very minor. cases bad enough to require hospitalization are exceedingly rare

to give you an example of what these can look like, I have a friend who was given about 3-4 times a regular dose by a fucking piece of shit asshole she knows and, this part is crucial, it was mixed with a very large amount of alcohol AND acid (which can slightly increase the neurotoxicity. normally not a huge issue but becomes one in circumstances like this), AND coke; like she was blackout drunk and while not on a lot of acid or coke, this is just too many things to have in your body and brain at one time. the mixture of such a large amount different drugs caused her what I'm guessing was a mild case of both of these things at once. she experienced slightly worsened depression for about 6 months after, and actually had a mild stutter for almost a year. I made sure she took some NAC and other things that aid brain healing, and she didn't try molly again for a long time to be super sure she didn't overload her brain before it was ready. this is a pretty extreme case, and even with that she has fully recovered thankfully. do NOT EVER do drugs with someone you don't trust with your life. DO NOT EVER do drugs in doses you have not confirmed for yourself to be safe and DO NOT EVER mix drugs without finding out if it's safe!!! just as a small aside though: usually taking molly and acid at the same time is perfectly safe. in fact it's called a candy flip and I HIGHLY recommend it because it's fucking awesome. again, just make sure you are taking safe doses in a safe environment

OKAY now finally your specific question about Wellbutrin: I actually take Wellbutrin so I can answer this one from personal experience! Wellbutrin should not alter the effects of LSD in any way HOWEVER! both of these drugs lower your seizure threshold! I'm on the max dose of Wellbutrin (which is the max dose BECAUSE of seizure risk) so when I plan to drop acid I usually either skip my dose entirely that day or only take half depending on how much acid I'm planning to take. because of the way Wellbutrin works, this shouldn't cause you any problems as far as that goes. for me, not taking my Wellbutrin for a day mainly has the effect of making me more fatigued, and acid counteracts that really well by making me feel very awake/aware. if you don't want to skip or halve your dose though you can also take things that will RAISE your seizure threshold. so like I sometimes will smoke hemp because CBD actually will help with that. the risk here isn't huge either way especially if you have no history of seizures, but again if it's something you're concerned about you should be just fine skipping or lowering your dose for the day. acid usually lasts about 12 hours too so i personally don't even care about skipping the Wellbutrin that much because it basically does the same thing for me. I did take my full Wellbutrin dose the last couple times I've done acid though because I was taking a very small amount of acid (about half a tab)

in summation lol sort of TLDR I generally would recommend MDMA for recreational use because the risks of damage are low and it's safe if you are safe about it. and it's honestly just a really fun one! the only negative effect I've ever felt is some emotional and physical fatigue the following day, and this is largely because of how emotional and energetic you are on it. I just make sure to have the next day off to lay around and listen to music :)

taking it with a partner or loved one will give you an especially beautiful experience, as MDMA has been proven to facilitate extremely open emotional conversations. in fact, when MDMA was first synthesized it's primary use was in psychotherapy! research was shut down during the war on drugs, but in recent studies it's demonstrated amazing abilities to treat and even straight up CURE disorders like PTSD. for a personal anecdote, my partner actually completely fucking cured his alcoholism on a combo of MDMA and whippets (nitrous oxide) lmfao. like dude straight up went from getting black out drunk multiple nights a week to drinking nothing for the past year and a half without any other treatment program. LSD has been proven to have similar incredible results with treating and curing things like depression, anxiety, PTSD and addiction and is also a very fun and very safe one.

sorry to reiterate for the billionth time lol but it's important: these drugs are safe and fun if you make sure they're safe and fun! do your research and never use in an unfamiliar environment with people you wouldn't trust in an emergency! also I know this sounds like a lot, but remember I'm giving you like the absolute safest possible practices and emphasizing sort of over cautiousness because I think it's always better to be too safe. I've taken molly without nac and I've taken kinda big doses a little closer together than I should have without any problems. there's a bit of flexibility to these guidelines, but it's always better to think of them as being rigid so you don't end up too far in the other direction. like I've said it's really really hard to do actual damage that would last more than like a day or 2 max. most of the time you'll just be sleepy the next day from all the dancing so it's nice to do it on a day 1 of a weekend. also it only lasts like a couple of hours lol so it's not your whole day or anything!

#sorry this took me like a fucking hour i kept having to check myself w my partner + google to make sure i wasnt talking out of my ass lmfao #im sure ill be rereading and editing it for the next hour as well #damn just spent like another half hour #hope this is thorough enough for ya ajdbsjhdkshdkshs #on a tangentially related note: ive been weaning myself off of my SNRI (venlafaxine/effexor) bc it didnt help at all #and made my nails extremely brittle ????? like so bad they were constantly breaking to the quick and making me bleed #so pretty soon ill be able to do acid and molly again. sweet blessed molly how ive missed you #cant believe i forgot to mention this but as another personal mdma anecdote: my partner and i started dating while candy flipping #hed been staying at my house for like 4 months at that point but we hadnt really talked about like. relationship definitions #and I was EXTREMELY nervous bc id never even like kissed someone fr before him #but the acid and ESPECIALLY the molly made talking about our feelings with each other really easy and safe feeling #we do it every once in a while as like a poor mans couples therapy lmfao. its much easier to be open and honest and vulnerable #while crucially taking down the defensive wall that can cause you to lash out and stuff #highly recommend 👍 #wtiting a book called the couple that rolls together stays together. its about doing molly but also skateboarding #drug ed #i cant stop adding to this post im sorry

[kathyprior4200]

BlueRaven666 and Gray: Arrival of Adina fanfiction

(Hazbin Hotel and Zoophobia)

 https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXaxReyJNiKDJQ6g75jigxg

Main Characters:

  BlueRaven666:

The main protagonist (besides protagonist Charlie and antihero Alastor in Hazbin Hotel). He is a dragon demon OC (made by a real life YouTuber who is known for his fan made theories for Hazbin Hotel). Blue Raven appears as a blonde haired man with blue eyes, white curved horns from his head and white skin. He is LGBTQ+ and transgender. He wears a blue shirt with 666 on it.

Gray:

Another protagonist. A gender neutral Exterminator who was left behind in Hell after the other Exterminators thought he was dead. Blue Raven decided to take them in and rescue Gray. This led to a temporary truce between an angel and a demon. Blue Raven and Gray each tell their stories, from roommate shenanigans to lore of Heaven and Hell to theories about other characters (See Blue Raven’s YouTube videos and collab with inSaiyans).

 Fitch:

Neutral antihero. Fitch is a dragon demon with glasses, green eyes, a pale face and dark green hair with light green tips on his tufts. After Fitch lost a battle with an Exterminator, Adina noticed his skill in fighting and using a bladed weapon. She took him in and manipulated him into joining her. He is stern and analytical, but has a good heart deep down. Fitch would only disobey Adina if she threatened to kill his brothers…which is what he eventually did. With the help of Hatchet, Gray, and Blue Raven talking to him, Fitch gradually decides to join them to protect his brethren.

 He can transform into a large dark green dragon, the largest one out of his brothers.

 Quotes: “I have three younger brothers.”

 Quotes: “Do you feel like being more talkative…”

 “I’m getting impatient. Killing you would be simple. But I refuse to do so without the information on the whereabouts of your fellow filth. I know your beasts have a safe haven…”

 “Stop talking! Tell me where I can find the others. Or I break it.” (holds a pendant with a spider on it)

 “You have been most unhelpful.”

(Fitch holds a dead moth in his hand)

 (Flashback) “I’m so sorry little one. I promise I will never hurt one of you again.”

 “Take your wretched friend. I’m allowing you to live simply out of a respect to a promise. Pray our paths don’t cross again…demons…” (Fitch spares Vaggie and Angel Dust)

 Adina: “You let them live. I am disappointed in you.”

 Fitch: “So am I.”

 Malcom:

Malcom, appears as a crazed dragon with large milky eyes, messy black hair and light green wings.

 Like his brothers, he can transform into a dragon.

 Quotes: “Malcom…I rarely think about, actually…”  - Fitch describing his brother.

  Marx:

A dragon who wears a black tuxedo suit. He has a pale face, dark purple hair and yellow tips on his tufts. Marx prefers to be more civilized to fit into demon society, while his brothers are off either messing around or in Fitch’s case helping to kill demons. Like Carl Marx, he questions everything and believes in conspiracy theories.

 Like his brothers, Marx has the ability to turn into a dragon. His scales are dark indigo and his horns and tops of his wings are yellow.

  Quotes: “My brother Marx and I are no longer in contact due to disagreeing on certain life choices we have made. He makes me sick.” - Fitch describing his brother.

 Hatchet:

A dragon demon with a white face, orange eyes with red irises and bright orange hair and tufts. His arms have markings on them. Tattoos cover his entire body. His saliva is acidic and he drools when he’s excited. He can form images by breathing fire. He is always in a good mood and doesn’t mind physical affection. (unlike strict Marx). He loves eating small creatures, especially rabbits. He has instinctual control over his fire but he often plays with it, using batons to do tricks.

Like his brothers, he can transform into a dragon. His scales are dark orange/brown.

 Quotes: “Hatchet and I see each other often. He is a handful, but admittedly, he is my closest family.” -  Fitch describing his brother.

  Adina:

Adina is an antagonist and an evil white angel with teal glowing eyes and long white hair. She wears a dress decorated with blue borders decorated with white crosses on them. She is zealous and manipulative. Leeson, the God preaching cat works for her as do Exterminators. Her goal consists of killing and torturing demons…ironically she employees a dragon demon Fitch to do her dirty work. She hired Fitch to find demon hideouts so more demons could be killed during the year. This would also make it easier for the Exterminators every year as well since they cannot go into demons’ hidden hiding places. She appeared in the deleted comic “Angels and Demons” by Vivziepop.

 Adina Quotes: “There is no mercy for the damned...” –torturing a demon

 Adina Quotes: “Just remember…it’s for the greater good.” Adina to Fitch.

 “I’m very disappointed in you.” Adina to Fitch after he let Angel Dust get away.

 “Such is the will of the Lord…so shall it be…” Adina with Fitch.

 “Goodbye, Fitch.” Adina to Fitch.

 Charlie:

Charlie is a protagonist and the blonde-haired musical princess of Hell. She is the founder of the Hazbin Hotel, a place intended for the rehabilitation of demons to combat the yearly exterminations. Her girlfriend is Vaggie, a moth demon. Her goal is to have demons, angels, and humans live in harmony, and she hopes for more demons to go to Heaven (even though Heaven is elitist).

   Vaggie:

Vaggie is a gray-haired moth demon who is Charlie’s girlfriend. Though pure at heart, she swears and gets aggressive often whenever someone tries to hurt Charlie. She was formerly a Latina human named Vagatha who died due to gang rape and a hate crime (she was a tomboy and lesbian). She used to be an Exterminator but she refused to kill Charlie and follow orders, thus she fell to Hell. She and Charlie bonded and fell in love.

    Lucifer:

Charlie’s father, a fallen angel, and the king of Hell.

 Lilith:

Charlie’s busy mother and queen of Hell. She is a singer for the Resist band and a model.

 Alastor:

Alastor is an antihero who arrives at the Hazbin Hotel to help out (though only for his own enjoyment). Alastor is a powerful demon with Eldritch powers and dark magic. He wears a red dress coat and clothing from the 1900s. He was a former radio host, cannibal, and serial killer in New Orleans. He is part French and part Creole. He died in 1933 due to being mauled by dogs and shot in the head. Malicious and pompous, he toppled powerful overlords and took over much of Hell, while broadcasting his murders. Alastor enjoys seeing others fail because it’s entertaining for him and makes him think of his higher status. Many suspect he wants to use Charlie to try and take over Hell, dethroning Lucifer and spreading chaos everywhere. Despite his evil side, he is also a gentleman who loves jambalaya, singing, dancing and telling jokes.

  Husk:

Husk is a grumpy black and white cat demon with a small top hat and red wings with card suits on them. He drinks alcohol and booze and loves to gamble. Alastor summoned him from a casino, where Husk reluctantly agreed to be the bartender after Alastor bribed him with a bottle of booze. He is a loner and is sometimes violent.

 Niffty:

Niffty is a magenta/red haired small cyclops demon. She works as the housekeeper of Hazbin Hotel, cleaning up rooms, cooking, and sewing. She is hyperactive and is obsessed with men. She enjoys reading and writing in her spare time. Alastor summoned her from a fireplace in episode one.

 Angel Dust:

Angel Dust is a white spider demon, who wears white and pink clothing and often carries weapons and drugs. Formerly an Italian named Anthony, he was a member of an Italian mafia like his family. He died from a drug overdose…presumably Angel Dust. He is gay and has six arms to aide him in turf wars. He has a brother, Arackniss, a father, Henroin, and a white spider mother Aranea (Latin for spider). He is the Hazbin Hotel’s first client, though a deviant, he has a good heart and shows some concern for others.

  Molly:

Angel Dust’s wild twin sister, also a white/pink spider. She and her brother share a strong bond, despite both of them doing drugs, being violent and getting into sexual situations with other demons. She and Angel are friends with the 80’s rebel and punk Cherri Bomb (Formerly Isabella from Australia).

 In a twist of fate, there are also a few angels who help the demons. Charlie, the princess of Hell is part angel. Molly, Angel Dust’s twin sister is not a demon but perhaps an angel in another form, but she protects her brother and fights off Fitch with Vaggie’s help after he is interrogated and tortured by Fitch and Adina.

 In addition, one Exterminator, Gray, was taken in by a (OC) demon named Blue Raven, another dragon demon. They had formed a temporary truce after Gray had been left behind during the last Extermination.

 The final battle results in the dragon demons teaming up with the other demons, Lucifer leading the fight against Adina.

 Adina tries to manipulate Fitch and Gray into working for her…and she even briefly possessed Mirage (a Zoophobia villain), Gray, Fitch, and even Alastor (who also wants to see demons fail but for his own fulfillment). Charlie frees Alastor while Blue Raven helps Gray and Fitch break free from Adina’s influence. Vaggie unlocks her super moth demon form…and it is revealed that she is a former fallen angel/Exterminator. With nothing but an angel harpoon in her hands, she had been banished to Hell after refusing to kill Charlie, thus they fell in love. (See “Falling From Grace Landing Into Love” fanfiction and Vaggie theories.)  Adina sends Exterminators after the demons, but Lucifer effectively holds them off, reminding them of their original role of killing demons once per year. Charlie knows this is not right and she’s determined to redeem sinners at the hotel even more than before.

Charlie, Alastor, Vaggie, Angel Dust, Husk, Niffty, Mimzy, and Crymini all join the fight, Lucifer battling Adina and breaking free from her possession. Baxter, Vox, and Sir Pentious (The Techno Trio) make inventions and technology to aid the demons in the fight. Lilith helps other demons get to safer hiding places, including the second Circle of Hell where Tom, Tam, and Lolly Gag (Zoophobia incubus and family) appear. Adina vows revenge and eventually retreats. Fitch reunites with his brothers and thanks Blue Raven for his help.

 But Fitch is still haunted by what Adina did to him…and it takes a while for him to recover. The remaining Exterminators order Gray to kill Blue Raven…but they do not. The angels close the portal before Gray has a chance of returning. Gray sighs and is willing to tolerate Blue Raven a little longer.

#zoophobia #hazbinhotel #blueraven666 #gray #hazbinhoteltheories #youtubers

[whosnashagain]

let's talk about a hawt boiii will summer.

alright, it's officially fall! so time to rewind and reflect on the past summer and all that it entailed. here in arizona, our summers are especially long, and while other places are starting to feel the drop in temps and the changing of the leaves, we get to suffer in the heat a little longer. but that doesn't change the fact that school's back in session, and events aren't as common. such a shame to have to "go back to reality", but nonetheless.

this was probably the best summer of my life. i finally got to do things that have been on my bucket list forever. like take a trip to cali with my best friends, trip on acid at a rave, and have a summer fling (to me). life's kinda beautiful like that - giving me the best summer of my life after the worst winter of it.

jack's birthday, the beginning of it all, i remember helping bella all day finish her last final for school, and as she finished submitting her assignment, she said out loud "it's gonna be a hawt boiii will summer". that night, we drove over to sam's house to get drunk as hell before work the next morning. the first night was a perfect indication of how epic this season was going to be, and it only kept getting better.

a week later was the first rave back. FISHER! (which low-key i didn't enjoy, but i'm just not a house girl) which we somehow convinced a bunch of people from work to join us, taking multiple rave virginities, and creating new little ravers, makes my heart swell!

the rest of the summer continued along with tons of raves. a week after fisher, bella and i last minute bought tickets to a tiesto show, knowing we opened together in the morning. that show was one of my favorites of all time. something about going to a rave, just you and your bestie, nobody else to worry about, was the vibe i never knew i needed.

the next weekend - excision, 2 days, and i had bought the tickets months prior. it never felt like excision weekend was going to come, but when it did it did not disappoint. with it's own fair share of surprises including; me meeting a boy, bella learning that her and molly are a bad combination, and also being found by a creepy 32 year old ex-con that i met at a rave months prior.

closely following was higley prom: the prom before time (which the name was created only to rationalize buying a rawr balloon & dinosaur plates). higley wants to party, so we will find a way to do exactly that. we hired a dj, setup a photo booth, and got everyone decked out in their finest fits. considering a portion of my employees never got to go to prom, due to c*vid, it was fun to give them the opportunity to live through that moment.

then steve aoki night, which honestly was a disappointment, and finally comes the california trip. 4 days of no AC, in a tiny apartment near downtown san diego. the second we got to the airbnb, we were drinking, smoking, and getting ready to rage. hit the beach, the pink rose cafe, and a mall, before we'd end up winding down at the airbnb each night. i'll never forget tripping on the beach, and staring at a man's bare ass next to us while he suntanned and we thought we were aggressively loud. driving around in trey's truck to louis the child, trying to get everyone hyped for the rave.

coming home from california was a painful reality check. the trip wasn't long enough for any of us. oh, and i forgot to mention that during this time, me and trey officially started dating (this would be a short relationship - which i now refer to more as a summer fling).

quickly approached louis the child. one of my favorite shows of all time, seriously. i was with all of my besties, all the people i love most, doing the thing i love most, seeing an artist i love so much. the love radiating around the crowd, the energy in the air, it was one of the greatest feelings of my life. (even if i don't remember seeing half the people i saw, and i missed free :/).

i haven't been to a show since louis, but there's one tonight! technically! GOLDRUSH! (where it all began).

the rest of the summer was filled with smoke sessions, working more than i should have to, doing a grand opening in texas, moving, and breaking up with my boyfriend. i feel like i've matured a lot this summer, even though some people may disagree (pathetic & immature right?), and i'm proud of the growth i've made. i've ever reconnected with people i never thought i would, i'm ready to take on this next chapter in life, and am hoping for the best this winter.

time for another new season, let's have a hot girl autumn.

#update

[commodore-schmidlap]

Benzos

Benzodiazepines (or Benzos, for short) are absolutely wonderful within the accepted medical context: for people who are prescribed them and take them as cautioned, for those near end-of-life, and for those who want to abort a “bad trip,” before it gets any worse. 

However helpful or fun these little pills (or even liquids) might be, there is still a downside, like there is to so many other synthetics and pharmaceuticals. 

Being someone who is not only personally familiar with the drug world, but has also experienced it through family and friends, as well as having read about it, watched videos on it, and listened to podcasts and radio programs regarding it, I feel qualified to say I am an authority of sorts--even a minor one. 

Benzos are chemically similar to alcohol, not just in terms of the effects, but also in terms of how benzos are used to help with the DT’s of many alcoholics trying to quit drinking. And just like alcohol, benzos are some of the only substances around where the withdrawal symptoms alone can kill someone...

Research old Hollywood, and you’ll be inundated with scores of starlets and silver screen darlings who met a terrible fate at the hands of barbiturates, which was the “old-school” name for benzos, at the time. Judy Garland, the actress who famously played Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz (1939), was one of the most notable overdose deaths in the 1940′s. 

Whether it be Valium, or Seconal (referred to as “Reds” on the street), benzos took many other casualties along the way in the 1960′s and 70′s, when there was a more liberal and accepting atmosphere and attitude towards mind-altering substances. Tim Buckley, the folk musician, and father to future musician Jeff Buckley, died as a result of a Seconal overdose. Even someone who battled heroin addiction wasn’t able to best benzos.

Growing up, I heard of pills like Xanax, but all I knew about them was that they made people sleepy, and that they were meant for people with anxiety, social or otherwise. The only stories I really heard about in regards to abusing pharmaceuticals, concerned painkillers, because they lead people onto more serious opiate addictions, like heroin. 

My friends and I had only really been smoking weed for a little while (couple months), before we saw someone sell Xanax, and someone take it recreationally. One of our friends, we’ll call him T, had a parent who sold unused pills to the other, estranged parent, in order to make ends meet. This adult would even sell to friends of our friend. Early on, I could see how weird it could make people and how I wanted no part of it. This was when I was in early 10th grade. 

Fast-forward a few years, and my friends and I have become relatively well-versed in the drug world. Between tripping on a number of things, smoking insane amounts of weed, drinking, what have you, we’d been through some shit. One of our other buddies, who had moved from another state not too long before, also had a history with drugs. His was a little more extensive, and included more substance abuse than our collective drug history did. Most notably was his admission of trying meth. Long story short, dude was hardcore. And even though he had tried some scary shit, the one thing he advised us to watch out for, was Klonopin. Another kind of Benzo. “If not done correctly,” he warned, “it will ruin your life.” 

About a year-and-some-odd-months later, one of our friends admits to struggling with Xanax addiction. Granted, he had also had a rocky relationship with substances prior, especially Molly, but Xanax really did it in for him. He eventually got clean (still loves to smoke weed) but it was a tense situation for a long while. At the time, aside from the occasional junkie, cokehead, or psychonaut who got a bad batch of research chemicals (spice or faux acid), we really didn’t have much to worry about. Well, not until Xanax became more commonplace. 

Not even a year after that and my brother’s dad passes away. Unable to handle the death, my brother succumbs to taking Xanax, since drinking and smoking weed weren’t much help, which he got addicted to, inevitably leading him back to doing heroin. Thankfully he recovered, but I knew the pills had significant influence over that hasty and rash decision to use again. 

Around this time, one of my good friends went through a nasty break-up, and to cope, opted to snort lines of Xanax, that he also sold, until the hurt went away. Now, this was someone who could handle coke, psychedelics, alcohol, and the best weed on the planet, but was relatively unprepared to handle benzos. Luckily, we talked some sense into him before it could become a problem. This was also when Xanax become more culturally accepted, referenced in nearly every rap song, and even Woody Allen movies. At the same time, various news outlets informed the public that Xanax addiction, even in the midst of the opiod crisis, posed a serious threat, and that Xanax, could even be more dangerous than heroin itself. 

This was when I read Deal, the autobiography of former-Grateful Dead drummer, Bill Kreutzman. In one chapter, that he dedicates to 1995 (his most despised year), he recounts how he fell victim to Xanax, and how surprisingly powerful and evil it can really be. Now, this was someone who overcame heroin and opiate addiction, alcoholism, tripped on nearly every psychedelic drug,  was stoned more days than he’s ever been sober, could handle stimulants and PCP, but admitted that benzos are a force to be reckoned with. Let that sink in for a second. 

During my junior/senior year at university, my roommates and I had a guy we’d hit up for weed. Although he didn’t smoke himself (he still hit dabs here and there), he doled out the dankest ganj, and sold it for cheaper than anyone else on account of him not being a real smoker. One thing about him was that he had substance abuse issues. Whether it was stimulants (ADHD meds and coke), Molly, lean, alcohol, or Xanax, he couldn’t really handle his shit as much as he touted himself as a partier. He even had an infamous bad trip that made him quit taking psychedelics. It was his various car accidents (never fatal, yet), a result of drinking and taking Xanax, that made him become a laughingstock in our eyes. Granted, he had a problem, but we could all see how the problem was destroying his life, slowly, and pathetically. Around then, two of my roommates experimented a little with Xanax when he offered, but ended up saying my catchphrase, “I’d rather smoke weed.”

Come my senior year of university, and more and more people take Xanax and talk about their times taking it. Whether they admitted it over twitter, or in person, it was still an admission. The people ran the gamut from typical partiers, to artists/thespians, even to professors of mine. And in some of these stories, we were told of the negatives. It soon got to the point that everyone knew that benzo use was getting slightly sketchy. 

That dealer we had who crashed his car, well, his roommate from that year ended up moving out on his own (closer to our off-campus residence) and became our go-to plug for bud. One week, however, he offered us Xanax. When he sold it to us, he cautioned against drinking with it or taking too much of it. “One pill is fine,” he added, “you can get stoned on these, though. You’ll feel immaculate.”

My roommates (who had done Xanax a couple times already) treated it like any other benign substance. But as for myself, I treated it like the hard drug it is. I asked questions concerning how common it was to nod off or choke on your own vomit. All of that shit. I wanted to be prepared. After all, I was putting synthetic drugs into my body. However, my biggest worry was that one of my roommates would turn the stove or oven on, forget, and leave it on all night. Granted, a mistake some make sober, but with Xanax and other drugs in one’s system, one is far more liable to do so. Not to mention that I didn’t want us to die from toxic fumes or potentially blow up the house when we went to rip a bong. 

By the time I decided to take my pill, I was alone. I had no work, I had just gotten back from play practice, and I had no weed to smoke. Some friends from back home hit me up about Pittsburgh being dry, and wondered if I knew anyone who sold up around school. I helped them out, and in return, we chilled at my place and smoked a good bit of weed. Being a relatively generous person when it came to drugs, I took the bar from my pocket and broke it up. There were four sections--I took half (two), and they each took a quarter. I don’t think they felt much, if anything, but I felt more than stoned. We made some food, and I made sure that everything was turned off, and then they left. I don’t know why I took it, but I liked my one experience with it, and that was enough for me. I think I wanted to know what it felt like to listen to music on it and to jerk off on it, or something...

It wasn’t until February that I saw people on Xanax. My roommates had scored some, in addition to a cut of weed, or so, from another one of our dealers, while I was coming back from a university-sponsored trip to D.C., and appeared quite fucked up. I could tell that they were more than stoned, and since there was no alcohol in the house, I knew it was Xanax. 

As the last few months of my undergrad progressed, the car-crash dealer became pretty addicted to Xanax, as did his former roommate, which was more of a shame. 

Since then, the summer’s been weird, in regards to benzo use. Chris Cornell, the rock musician who committed suicide, was on high amounts of Ativan when he took his life. Right around that time, my Gram was slowly dying and was given Ativan and morphine to ease everything. A few other family members took low-doses of benzos to cope with her suffering and her eventual passing. 

Not too long after, I got news that one of my roommate’s brothers had been seriously addicted to liquid Xanax and Klonopin, which he got off of the deep web, and had almost died a few times. He appears to be doing better and hopefully doesn’t succumb to alcoholism in the future, or even heroin that has been plaguing the area they live in. 

While I advocate personal sovereignty and one’s freedom to explore their consciousness and have a bit of fun along the way, I also argue for responsible drug use. Don’t jeopardize your own health and safety, and cause pain to friends and family, by doing something that you are unprepared for. Stick to gentler, softer substances. Even the most experienced can have trouble with the likes of benzos.