#but yeah someday i might make it long enough to actually be an older queer person. and the kids who come after me

[bronte-deserves-better]

Hey @stars-and-splendors! I was your secret santa for the kotlc fandom gift exchange. Sorry this is a little late- I meant to give it to you Christmas day or the day after, but the fic got away from me a little...I hope the wait will have been worth it! 

Without further ado, I present to you: 4.5k words of Keefe and Fitz trying to dance around their feelings for each other, feat. a few moments of shitty parents and some very tired friends/sisters. 

Title: to find what you’re looking for

Summary: 

The war is over. The Neverseen is defeated.

In the new, peaceful world, Keefe and Fitz are attending the Elite Towers, soon to graduate. Yet both of them feel like they're missing something. When Keefe comes up with a scheme to prank their parents, both of their worlds may change forever- with the help of a few exasperated friends and supportive elder gays, of course.

Wordcount: 4514

Warnings: homophobia, internalized homophobia, swearing.

AO3 Link

(Actual fic under the cut)

“Hey. Psst. Fitz.”

Fitz jumped, startled at the voice. “Keefe? Where are you?”

“Over here. Ditching class. Like usual.”

He followed Keefe’s voice to the secluded little hallway that the other boy used for ditching, finding Keefe sprawled out on the bench as usual. “What are you doing here?”

“Ditching class, like I said. What about you, handsome?” Keefe flashed a smirk, which Fitz knew meant he meant that in a joking way. Or, figured, at least.

“Also ditching class.”

“Seriously? That’s not like you, Fitzy.”

Fitz shrugged. “I’m feeling rebellious lately, I guess. It just seems like we’ve all been through so much and yet adults are still trying to tell us what’s good for us, like we weren’t the ones who defeated the Neverseen.”

“Fuck, yeah. That’s definitely. Yeah.” Keefe stared at the ground, suddenly serious. “Everyone’s been like that, huh?”

“Well, not everyone, I guess. Sir Tiergan’s not bad about it, but he fusses so much about me and Sophie.”

“Oh, right, you’re supposed to be in telepathy. Won’t Sophie notice you’re gone?”

“Yeah, but that’s why I’m out here. No one will find me.”

Keefe nodded and patted the bench next to him, straightening up a little. “Come on, there’s room for two.”

“Thanks.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, staring at the white walls of the Level Six wing.

“So,” Keefe said eventually.

“So.”

“You wanna spill about what’s bugging you so much?”

Fitz could feel himself tense, but he forced his muscles to relax a little. Keefe just cared about him because they were friends. Yeah. “I don’t know. I just feel directionless. Like, we defeated the Neverseen and did this whole big thing, and now it’s over. It feels like- no, it is like- I’ve been fighting this war my whole life, Keefe.”

“Cause your dad-“

“Sent me to the Forbidden Cities when I was a child to search for Sophie.”

“Kinda a dick move of him, really.”

“N- Yeah. Yeah, it was a dick move of him.”

Keefe scooted a little closer, and Fitz’s breath caught just a tiny bit. “Hey, I know what it’s like. I mean, my dad never sent me to do illegal shit for him when I was a kid, yeah, but I mean….yeah. Mommy dearest and all. My parents are shit in a different way than your dad, but I get it. So I guess what I’m trying to say is…I’m here for you, and I know that sounds 100% cheesy but I really do mean it.”

“Oh. I mean, thank you. I should probably tell you I’m here for you too, since that really is true as well.” Fitz’s brain was not functioning, he decided.

“Ah, I knew that. You all told me so much back when mommy dearest was fucking up my life. Still, I appreciate it.”

“It’s always been true. Even when we were fighting over Sophie.”

Keefe snorted. “That was weird, honestly. Like, it was so obvious from the start that she wasn’t straight. Must’ve been pretty wild for you when she ended up with your sister, though.”

Fitz shrugged. “I had been over her for a while.” And questioning his sexuality, but he wasn’t going to tell Keefe that. Backers didn’t do that. Vackers weren’t gay- well, except Biana. But that was okay, Fitz knew she wasn’t any worse for it. Still, it wasn’t like he was gay.

“Fitzy boi, you with me?”

“Yeah sorry. Got lost in thought. What were you saying?”

Keefe grinned. “Well, I was saying that on the topic of shitty parents and gayness, I have an excellent way to piss off both our parents.”

“Go on?” Fitz was pretty sure Keefe’s plan would be ridiculously over the top and hilarious, but he was pretty ready to go along with whatever.

“Right, so, you know how there’s an end of year ball for Elite Tower students? Cause we have to be ready for the nobility and all? What if we went together?”

“Are you asking me out?” Fitz blurted.

“Ah, I wish. Nah, I’m asking if you’ll be my fake date to a ball so my dad will have a heart attack. If you’re okay with that, that is. Like, no pressure.” Keefe suddenly looked shy, and Fitz could hardly refuse that look. Besides, it would be fun to give his and Keefe’s dads a collective heart attack.

“Okay, I’m in.”

-

The next two weeks were spent plotting and planning as to how they would pull this off, with Sophie and Biana as their enthusiastic wingwomen.

“Okay, so, Biana’s already planning you guys’ outfits,” Sophie told Keefe as she walked back into her room at Havenfield, where Keefe was currently visiting.

“Tell her to make me look fabulous,” Keefe declared with a great deal of drama, doing his best to flop back onto the bed.

“I will, trust me. But I wanted to ask you about some other stuff related to this, since the Vackers are outfit shopping and you know I don’t do that.”

“Ok, fire away.”

“One, are you asking Fitz to this thing to piss off your dad or because you have a crush on him? Two, how dramatic should your prom-posal be?”

“As dramatic as possible.” Keefe hoped against hope Sophie would forget about her first question. “Like, we’ve got to be extra about it.”

“Ok. And about my first question?”

“I....I’m doing this for a lot of reasons. One, Fitzy boi needs to lighten up a bit. Two, I love him. Three, I would kill to see my dads expression when he finds out.”

“I kinda figured.”

“I’m that obvious? Guess I’ve upped my flirting game.” He shot a wink to Sophie, who just sighed.

“Keefe, you’re never as subtle as you think you are.”

“Damnit.”

“Yeah. Apparently your lack of subtly is only matched by my obliviousness.”

“Well, thankfully for me, Fitz is just as oblivious as you.”

Sophie sighed. “He’s going to find out someday. I did, you know.”

“Well I’ll make sure that day is far away, because he’s way out of my league.”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Nopity nope nope. You two deserve each other, and I mean that in a good way.”

“Stop being so nice,” Keefe whined.

“No can do. Now let’s plan how you’re going to dramatically ask him to elf prom.”

-

The ‘promposal’, as Sophie had deemed it, took place in the atrium of the Gold Tower. They had agreed that Keefe would do the asking, since Sophie was far more interested in arranging a dramatic proposition, and Biana was far more interested in making sure that the two boys would look fantastic for the party. So all Fitz had to do was hang around and wait for his best friend to show up.

Thankfully, Keefe didn’t keep him waiting long, sweeping into the room like he owned the place. Maybe he did own Foxfire, really, the gorgeous boy who could charm people with a wink. He was certainly charming Fitz, not that Fitz was going to tell him that.

“Hello, my dearest Fitz!”

“Hey, Keefe.”

“I have a question of utmost importance for you.” By now, Keefe had come close enough that Fitz could see a hint of a blush staining the other’s pale cheeks.

“Oh, go on?”

“Wellllll.” Keefe dragged out the word, fidgeting with something behind his back, which he whipped out to reveal a gorgeous bouquet with flowers of silver, gold, and elegant teal. “Will you be my date to the end of year ball?”

This is staged. This is all staged. He’s not really interested in you, Fitz reminded himself. Still, he must have sounded a little breathless when he replied. “Yes, I would love to.”

“Well then I shall await you at the bottom of the staircase two weeks from now!” Keefe bowed dramatically and handed him the flower arrangement.

“I’ll be there,” Fitz promised quietly, flowers tickling his chin and Keefe’s grin making his cheeks heat.

“Oh, wonderful.” Keefe smirked again and practically danced away as the rest of the prodigies stared at the two of them.

-

“I hear you caused quite the scene today.”

Keefe jumped, looking around and then finally down to see who had said that. “Oh, hi, Councillor Grumpypants. What are you doing here?”

Bronte glared at him without much real anger. “Sophie and I’s session is in this tower, remember? I’m just waiting on this landing because someone’s using our classroom right now.”

“Right, gotcha.” Keefe fiddled with the hem of his tunic, trying not to seem too nervous. “Do you disapprove of scene-causing? Seems like a pretty old and grumpy thing to do.”

“Ha ha. I might have few qualms about distracting other prodigies, but I see no harm in you asking Fitz to the end of year ball. Honestly, it doesn’t seem all that surprising that you did.”

“Do I vibe as that gay?”

“I have no idea what you mean by vibe, but yes, I assumed you were queer.”

Keefe snorted. “Okay, so even the old people think I’m hopelessly in love with my best friend.”

“Well, not exactly all that,” Bronte said dryly, “But as the…how did Zarina put it? ‘Gayest motherfucker on the Council’, I know a baby queer when I see one.”

“Gayest motherfucker on the Council…that’s fabulous.”

“Indeed. Now I have a session to get to, and I’m sure you do too, but…good luck with your date.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m sure it will go well, and trust me, Leto will shut down anyone who tries to give you shit for it pretty damn quickly.”

“Good to know.” Keefe watched the older elf hurry away and up the stairs, muttering under his breath about ‘need to get an actual timepiece one of these days’. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all…

-

Fitz was pretty sure both Sophie and Sir Tiergan could tell he wasn’t actually concentrating that day in telepathy, too busy thinking about teal-and-silver flowers and Keefe’s little blush. Could Keefe really like him like that? Why did he even want Keefe to like him like that?

Sophie didn’t seem to mind, just sending him a few knowing looks, although Tiergan seemed vaguely worried. “Fitz, are you with us?”

“Oh, yeah! Sorry, Sir Tiergan.”

“There’s really no need to call me sir,” Tiergan sighed, for about the thousandth time since Sophie and Fitz had started telepathy sessions together. “Really. And no need to apologize either, you just seem a little distant today.”

“Probably got a lot on his mind,” Sophie spoke up, nudging Fitz gently. “I know I’d have a lot on my mind if someone brought me flowers and asked me to a ball.”

“Ah, yes. Do try to concentrate on your telepathy, but I can understand that.” Tiergan shot Fitz a gentle smile, and Fitz ducked his head and nodded. 

The session went by fast enough, and before Fitz knew it, the session was over and Tiergan was asking him to stay back. “Not for long, I don’t want to make you later, but I figured I’d check in.”

“O- okay.”

“See you, Fitz!” Sophie called. “I’m going to go tease our lovely friend about how blushy he gets around you!”

“Bye,” Fitz called, and Tiergan smiled again.

“I was actually going to talk to you about that ‘lovely friend’, assuming that’s Keefe?”

Fitz stared at the slightly shorter elf, debating what to say. “Yeah- yeah, that’s him.”

“I guessed so.” Tiergan fiddled with his sleeves for a moment, seeming uncharacteristically hesitant. “I wanted to tell you that you two are very brave for this- it’s not unheard of, but it will be a shock. That, and I hope it will be somewhat easier for you than it was for me when I was your age.”

“You’re-“

“Have you seen the way I look at Leto?”

Fitz had to admit that was a fair point. “I guess I should have known earlier, but I didn’t want to assume.”

“Very polite of you, but I would find it more than fair to assume my queerness based off my general demeanor,” Tiergan said wryly. “Anyways, to bring us back around to our original topic of conversation, I also wanted to let you know that you have Leto and I’s full support. If anyone gives you shit for this, I want you to tell me and I will ensure they don’t get away with it.”

“Benefits of having the principal for a boyfriend,” Fitz muttered before he could think to stop himself, and then clapped a hand over his mouth. “I’m so sorry, I’ve been hanging out with Keefe too much.”

Tiergan flushed lightly. “No, no, you’re right. Though I will say, Leto has spent a long time trying to protect students who are cast out or fall through the cracks. Now that he’s in a position of power, neither of us have qualms about using it to help any student who could use it. So please, come to me or Leto if you need anything, or anyone bothers you. And I’m not saying that because I pity you or anything of the sort, but because I wish some adult had told me this when I was your age.”

“Oh.”

The older elf smiled sadly. “Indeed. But now I get to make sure the next generation has it better than I did, and that’s something.”

Fitz nodded. “I think that’s a really kind thing.”

“Thank you. It’s really the bare minimum of what I could do, but…somehow I never find the time to help out as much as I would like.” Tiergan glanced at the clock. “Anyways, I’m making you late for your next session, so hurry on your way. You can tell your mentor I kept you late and to take it up with me if they’ve got a problem.”

“Okay!” Maybe this wasn’t such a terrible plan after all…

-

The end-of-year-ball was approaching quickly, and Keefe’s nerves grew as quickly as the days between now and then passed. Which was very quickly, what with finals coming up. Fitz and Keefe were studying for them together, of course, which made for a lot of late nights in each of their rooms in the Silver Tower, laughing, talking, and pretending to quiz each other on the material but not getting far without getting distracted. Fitz was always beautiful, Keefe thought, but perhaps the most lovely when he was sitting in the cozy room, laughing at some silly thing Keefe had said or brandishing flashcards mock-sternly. His eyes shone a little in the silvery lighting, and his hair fell across his face cutely, and Keefe might have been a tiny bit in love. Just a bit.

So they kept hanging out together, one night after another. Sometimes they talked about fun things like baking or pranking, sometimes they talked about serious things like the past or the Black Swan, and (rarely) they studied. And before they knew it, they had passed all their finals and it was time for a ball.

-

Fitz fiddled with the clasp of his cape one last time as Biana put the final touches on his hairstyle. “Are you sure this is good enough?”

“Please, I know good fashion when I see it.” His sister flipped her hair, and then shot him a reassuring smile. “Keefe will pass the fuck out, in a good way. And all the stuffy nobles will think you look fabulous right before you dance with one of their sons.”

“How do you pass out in a good way?”

“I mean that you’ll knock everyone dead. Boys. Honestly.”

Biana turned him around to look at himself in the mirror, and Fitz did have to admit that she’d done a good job. He was wearing an elegant tunic in a shade of medium blue, nearly cobalt, and a much darker jerkin over that which faded from green to blue with elegant silver embroidery over it. His cape followed a similar color scheme, and it fit perfectly, falling around his shoulders and down to the ground, where the hem was also embroidered with silver and tiny flecks of lumenite. Biana had styled his hair slightly asymmetrical, more so than he would usually wear it, and sprinkled tiny bits of silver across that too. He didn’t know if he was drop-dead gorgeous per se, but it was an outfit he could feel confident in.

“Okay, you did a good job,” Fitz admitted.

“Of course I did. Now get on down there and knock them dead.”

His nerves only increased as he descended the staircase, despite his endless repetitions of ‘it’s not a real date’. It didn’t matter how much he said that, the fluttery feeling in his stomach about Keefe seeing him all dressed up was not going away.

When he reached the bottom, Keefe was already standing there, and Fitz momentarily forgot how to breathe. The other boy’s equally intricate ice blue jerkin matched his eyes perfectly, and his blonde hair had little bits of pure gold braided into the parts that were long enough to do small braids on. The rest was artfully messed as ever, but in the sort of way that made you think Keefe had spent a long time getting it perfect. His silvery boots made a click click noise on the silver floor as he stepped to greet Fitz, and Fitz had to blink a few times to get his mouth to work again.

“Hey there, Fitzy boi.”

“Hey.” It was a pitiful greeting, but it was the best he could really manage at the particular moment. “You look…really incredible.”

“And you’re as stunning as ever.” Keefe’s grin seemed less confident than usual, a hint of genuine shyness behind it as Keefe ducked his head a little.

“Flatterer.”

“Only the right level of flattery for you.” Keefe extended his arm. “Shall we go?”

Still barely breathing, Fitz took his arm as they headed for the Leapmaster.

-

Fitz was stunning. Beyond stunning. He was some entirely new level of gorgeous that Keefe would have to invent a word for when his brain started working again, which he doubted would be anytime soon given Fitz’s close proximity to him. Standing at the bottom of that staircase, all dressed up in his finery, he had truly looked like an heir to the Vacker Legacy, but he was so much more than that. Whether he’d been born a Vacker or into the least-well off Talentless family, Fitz would always have been kind, unique, handsome Fitz, and Keefe would have loved him just the same. Keefe doubted the courage and strength that Fitz always carried with him would be any different had he been born to a different family, doubted there was any universe in which Fitz wasn’t his gorgeous, fierce self.

He managed to concentrate enough to get them safely to the ballroom, although if he hadn’t, he had no doubt Fitz would have more than made up for it with his ridiculously strong concentration. Speaking of strength, Fitz was gripping Keefe’s hand tightly as they arrived, and Keefe squeezed back gently, staring over the crowded ballroom.

Tonight, nobles, parents, and Elite Tower students all mingled, a preparation for balls and parties that the Elite Tower students would likely attend later in life. It was a much looked-forward-to event. And Keefe and Fitz, two male prodigies, would be attending it together, which was an extremely rare occurrence. In fact, Keefe could already see people staring at them in their position on the landing.

He squeezed Fitz’s hand again. “Let’s go down to the dance floor, shall we?”

Fitz nodded shakily, and they descended the staircase arm in arm. The staring only increased, but if Keefe pretended that it was just girls staring at him in Level Four because they thought he was hot again, he could mostly ignore it.

What was harder to ignore were the furious parents sweeping over to them.

“Keefe, I can’t believe you would disgrace the family like this-“

“So good to see you with your friend, Fitz.” Alden looked like he was speaking through gritted teeth. Keefe would have liked to punch those teeth right out of his mouth.

“I know, Keefe is a wonderful boyfriend.” Fitz’s voice was calm, but electric blue spirals of fear drifted through Keefe’s emotional ‘vision’.

Before Alden had a chance to say anything further, Della lightly tugged his arm. “Let’s go say hi to the Glixina family, darling.” She shot them a tiny smile, prompting a wave of soft purple relief from Fitz as Alden allow himself to be dragged off.

Unfortunately for Keefe, Cassius was not so easily dissuaded. “Really, Keefe. Parading around with boys on your arm-“

“I make my own choices,” Keefe muttered.

“And is one of them this?”

Keefe forced himself to look up and smirk. “Nah, I didn’t choose to fall in love with him. Just to ask him out.”

Cassius sputtered more, but before he could gather the coherence to say anything, Tiergan had come sweeping over with all the frozen grace of a swan. “Excuse me, Lord Sencen. My dear friend Leto would like a word with you about your son. I’m sure you understand that some matters are very important.”

“Well, Sir Tiergan, I’m in the middle of speaking to said son currently.”

“This truly cannot wait. Please, follow me.” Tiergan swept away again, practically dragging Cassius in his wake.

Sorry about that, Tiergan’s voice echoed in Keefe’s head. Leto will thoroughly lecture him about all this, I promise. And you don’t have to talk to him anymore tonight if you don’t want to, we arranged the ball and we can keep him away from you.

Keefe startled, squeezing Fitz’s hand. “Fitz-“

“Yeah?”

“Can you transmit something to Tiergan? He just told me that he’d keep my dad away from us, I want to thank him.”

Fitz flashed a tiny, hesitant smile. “As you wish.” He closed his (stunning, lovely) eyes briefly, and then blinked them open again. “Sent. He says ‘of course, let me know if you need anything else’.”

“Thanks, Fitzy boi.” Keefe offered a grin of his own. “Now that the parents are out of the way…may I have this dance?”

“Of course.”

The dance steps were familiar, and that was lucky, since Keefe wasn’t exactly paying good attention to what he was doing. Not after everything that had just happened- and not when Fitz had a hand on his waist. Elven music wasn’t as good to lose yourself in as the human music Sophie had showed him, but Keefe found it pretty easy to get lost just focusing on Fitz. The music swirled around them, and the floor was steady under their feet, and even the stares of others weren’t so noticeable when it was just the two of them dancing together. One step. Another. Always in rhythm. Keefe wondered a little if this was what it was like for Cognates, if their minds synced the way dance partners who knew each other well did. He had to admit to a little jealousy that he would never know what the kind of bond felt like, but…hey. It was pretty okay to be an empath, especially since he could see Fitz’s bubbling pink-and-blue happiness float through the air. It might have been a difficult, nerve-wracking entrance, but Fitz was happy to be dancing with Keefe and that was all Keefe could really ask for. Although…Keefe frowned at the slight mist of green sorrow hanging around the other, tempering his joy and keeping the bubbles from floating as far as they should have.

“Hey, Fitz.”

“Yeah?”

“You good?”

“Yeah- yeah, I am.”

They took another few steps in silence.

“Hey, Keefe?”

“Yeah?”

Fitz sucked in a slow breath, and a few lines of tension pulled around his form. “When you told your dad that you had fallen in love with me…”

Shit. “Yeah?”

“Your heart didn’t skip any beats.”

It was Keefe’s turn to suck in a breath and try to find something, anything to say in reply to that. “Maybe- I mean, I was mostly trying to piss him off.” He could feel his treacherous heart skip one-two-three this time.

“I felt your heart skip that time.”

“Okay, so….maybe I liked you. A little. Or a lot. And maybe I think you’re handsome and brave and kind and all that, and maybe I asked you to the ball partially because my dad would be mad but partially because I just wanted to be with you but you’re Fitz fucking Vacker and I’ve never had a chance-“ Keefe forced himself to take a breath and a step back from Fitz, unable to bear feeling the other’s emotions as well as his own right now.

“Keefe, wait, I-“ Fitz reached out a hand, and then pulled it back. “I love you too. And I think you should know that because no matter how much better you think I am than you, or whatever, you’re always going to be the guy who pulled me out of my shy little shell as a kid and then kept doing it, over and over and over. You’re always going to be the guy who stuck with me even when I was a major jerk, the guy who helped pull me out of my shell again and realize I wasn’t as straight as everyone thought. And more than that, you’re Keefe. I know you think that’s a bad thing, but it’s not. It’s the highest compliment I could give.”

People were staring at them again.

Keefe barely noticed. “Give me your hand.”

“As you wish.” Fitz held out his hand, and Keefe pushed his empathy out to the other. A little hint of fear, of nervousness… lingering joy from the moments before, and beneath that, glowing golden hope. No guilt, no shame. Nothing to make him think Fitz was in any way lying even if what the other boy had just said seemed too good to be true.

“You really- you really love me like that?”

“Yeah.” Fitz laughed, a little sadly. “It took me forever to notice, but I should have known the day you asked if we could go to the ball together. Or before that, even.”

“Well I fucking love you too. Have since we were young, really, but Sophie fucked with my brain and I didn’t see it until you and Sophie broke up. I thought I was jealous of you, but...all this time, I’ve been jealous of her.”

Fitz’s smile was so, so gentle. “I’m sorry it took me so long to realize.”

“And I’m sorry I didn’t just ask you out the day I suggested this whole fake dating,” Keefe joked. “Seriously, you took your time, but…that’s okay. I was willing to wait.”

And the gorgeous teal-eyed boy who Keefe was starting to realize might be his reached out a hand to cup Keefe’s cheek. “Do you mind if I kiss you?”

“What a scandal it’ll be.” Keefe wasn’t sure he was actually breathing. “But no, I don’t mind.”

So Fitz kissed him in front of the entire goddamn ballroom, and Keefe couldn’t have been happier.

#fitz vacker #Keefe Sencen #keefitz #semp writes #this took forever skjhfshjkf #im so sorry im late

[wayhaughterthanyou]

1-120, dare you

3 Fears- That my computer will crash at question 119, spiders, and planes

3 things I love- Wynonna Earp, writing, and video games

2 turns on- Hmm when someone runs their hands through my hair or shows me any kind of affection at all

2 turns off- Flat-earthers and people who refuse to interact with anything other than my genitals during sex

My best friend- My brother

Sexual orientation- Queer trans man

How tall am I- 5′7″

What do I miss right now- Sleep

Favourite color- PURPLE

Do I have a crush- I do..kind of

Favourite place- My bedroom

What am I listening to right now- My brother play fortnite- but the last song I was listening to was I wanna get better by Bleachers

Shoe size- 9

Eye color- Brown

Hair color- Brown

Meaning behind my URL- I think it’s pretty obvious

Favourite song- Morning in America- Jon Bellion

Favourite band- I really really don’t have one, I listen to such a wide range of music that it’s obnoxious and really hard to pick one

How I feel right now- Tired as fuck

Someone I love- MY CAT

My current relationship status- Single as can be my dude

My relationship with my parents- Stressful

Favourite season- Winter

Tattoos and piercing i have- I have a quill pen tattoo down my left forearm and a septum peircing

Tattoos and piercing i want- So so many tattoos, too many to list on this already long ask. As for piercings idk. I’m good for now but I might drill more holes into my body someday

The reasons I joined Tumblr- I was really into the disney memes

Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? Lucky to say that I do

Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?- It was my dad so…technically yes, yes I have

How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?- It takes 3 seconds to get dressed and an hour and a half to be prepared to see another human being

Have you shaved your legs in the past three days? Nope

Where am I right now? I’m at home

Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? I’m surprised I can still hear

Do I live with my Mom and Dad? I do

Am I excited for anything? NYC PRIDE 2018!!!

Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Yup

How often do I wear a fake smile? Honey I worked in food service for 5 years, fake is the only smile I know

If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Melanie Scrofano

What do I think about most? Wearp

Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind for sure, but I’m working on it!

What was the last lie I told? I told my dad I ate lunch

Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Video chat. Phone calls frighten me

Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes and yes.

Do I believe in magic? IN A YOUNG GIRLS HEART HOW THE MUSIC CAN FREE HER WHENEVER IT STARTS

Do I believe in luck? Yes I have tons of bad luck so there has to be some good luck making someone else happy out there somewhere

What’s the weather like right now? It was pouring and freezing earlier and now it’s super hot I hate spring

What was the last book I’ve read? I recently reread To Kill A Mockingbird

Do I have any nicknames? Seattle

Do I spend money or save it? I try to save it and then I pay rent and then I pay bills and then I don’t have moneys and then I’m sad

Can I touch my nose with a tounge? I literally can’t even reach my septum ring lmao

Favourite animal? Orcas

What was I doing last night at 12 AM? I knocked the fuck out at like 10

What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Wildwood by Fleurie

What is my favorite word? Sacapuntas

My top 5 blogs on tumblr? @a-maelstrom @weirdofreakish @wayhaughtship @oliviajoytaylor @earpdearp

If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? Have you tried taking Bikini Bottom and pushing it over there?

Do I have any relatives in jail? I had a cousin in for check fraud a couple years ago but I didn’t know her so all I used it for was threatening my bullies

What is my current desktop picture?- It’s a wearp season 2 cast photo

Had sex? I’ve done the sex

Bought condoms? Hell no you can get those for free I’m a baller on a budget 

Gotten pregnant? Nope

Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Yeah I don’t mean to brag but she was hella wet

Had job? Several

Smoked weed? I’m high rn so

Smoked cigarettes? I used to when I was in middle school and then I had a crush on this girl who didn’t like them so I stopped and I should really thank her

Drank alcohol? Yup, illegally though because i live in a country where you can go to war before you can drink

Am I a vegetarian/vegan? I’ve tried but I have bad enough eating habits already and it made me eat oatmeal all day cause I’m too lazy to do anything right

Been overweight? I was overweight by a lot about 6 months ago

Been underweight? I’m currently underweight

Gotten my heart broken? Yes

Been to prom? Hell yeah! I took my manager from work and we slow danced to Beautiful by James Blunt

Been in airplane? UNfortunately

Learned another language? I took AP spanish for 7 years

Wore make up? Yup

Dyed my hair? So many times

Had a surgery? Tonsils only

Met someone famous? I’ve met a bunch of bands over the years at Warped Tour

Stalked someone on a social network? Of course

Been fishing? Yup! It’s a right of passage when you grow up on an island

Been rejected by a crush? Of course

What do I want for birthday? I want to give myself this present and I want to have at least posted my first video to my youtube channel

Do I like my handwriting? I love it

Where do I want to live when older? Canada

Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? No my parents are dumb

What I’m really bad at? Playing instruments

What my greatest achievments are- I finally looked at my tumblr theme after like 4 years of not knowing what it looks like and its actually not that bad

The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me- Lmao I can’t think of anything that could be on that level right now but the other day my mother looked me in the eyes and goes “You know your life sucks right?”

What I’d do if I won in a lottery: Damn I’d but a new computer immediately and then move across the world

What do I like about myself- My jawline

My closest Tumblr friend- @a-maelstrom

Any question you’d like? My favorite school house rock song is the Preamble song

Are you outgoing or shy? I’m not shy I just generally don’t like talking to other humans

What kind of people are you attracted to? Kind ones

Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Maybe? If I’ve learned anything from life it’s that you really never know but I DAMN HOPE

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? It depends on who it’s with but most of the time no

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My friend Shaf

What does the most recent text that you sent say? “No, we’re good.”

What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Icon- Jaden Smith, Bottom of the deep blue sea- Missio, Let you go- Machine gun kelly, little sister- trixie mattel, and In the middle- dodie

Do you like it when people play with your hair? 10/10 would die for that shit

Do you think there is life on other planets? Definitely

Do you like bubble baths? I do but I’m too large for my tub and it’s very sad

Do you like your neighbors? I don’t think I have ever said a single word to a single one of them

Where would you like to travel? San Fransisco

Favorite part of your daily routine? Playing video games

What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? Every single one of my bits

What do you do when you wake up? Wish I was back asleep

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Darker, I’m pale as fuck

Do you ever want to get married? If I find the right person

If your hair long enough for a pony tail? A tiny one on top of my head

Would you rather live without TV or music? I’d rather die thanks

Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Of course

What are your favorite stores to shop in? Amazon

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? I guess it depends but mostly yeah

Do you smile at strangers? HA HAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA

Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? I mispelled my name on twitter and was too lazy to change it but today a guy called me out so I changed it and acted like I didn’t because I’ll do what I want sir

Ever wished you were someone else? I used to a lot

Favourite makeup brand? I know nothing about make up

Last thing you ate? Mac and cheese

Ever won a competition? For what? Soccer

Ever been in love? Yes

Facebook or Twitter? Twitter and if you’d like to follow me my name is AmongSeattle

Okay that took a lot longer than I had anticipated but I had a lot of fun. Thank you so much for taking the time to test how much my computer can take before it gives in. Join me next time when I’ll probably be answering 500 questions and encoding my social security into the text :*

#my asks #among seattle

[transfagholmes]

11 Questions

RULES

Always post the rules

Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you

Write 11 questions of your own

Tag 11 people (or however many you want)

I was tagged by @beckettsthoughts, thank you for tagging me, sorry for taking so long, these are hard to do on mobile. But I do love these! Thank you for tagging me!

1. Do you remember your dreams? If so, whats the weirdest dream you can remember?

I remember lots of my dreams the day after I have them, but I can’t think of too many right now. One time I dreamt everyone else in my school was naked, and I was embarassed because I had clothes on. Another time when I was young I had a dream I was trying to escape the dentist, and there was a car chase in the forest.

2. Describe your favourite cinema. Is it nearby, or hard to get to? Why is it better why is it better than the others?

Theres a cinema in Carlow, which is near enough to me, and it would probably be my favourite. It’s IMC and across form a shopping center, so you can go and get sweets and stuff beforehand and smuggle it in to the movie (technically you’re not allowed your own sweets). The cinema is also placed above other shops so when you walk through the doors your facing stairs. It’s a lot of stairs, but I liked racing the elevator when I was younger, and they’re cool stairs. You get to look at movie posters on the way up. Then when you get to the top you can look out at the carpark from up high out of the windows and yeah it’s a cool cinema.

3. What was your favourite class in school? In terms of atmosphere, classmates, teacher, anything,

I like geography, because my teacher is great, and it’s fun to be in her class and stuff. I really like Italian though, because I genuinely love learning it and I started learning it on my own before in school so I’m good at it. Also, as my friends refuse to let me forget, I’ve got a new teacher this year who’s gay. I’ve never had an out queer teacher before and I’ve never actually known an out queer adult before so it’s cool. And he’s actually Italian (unlike last year) so I’ll get to learn it properly.

4. What’s one hair colour, piercing or tattoo you’d love to get someday but probably never will?

I probably will get the piercing I want, though I’m not allowed face piercings at my school. I want to get a lip ring, and I’m pretty sure that will happen soon. As for hair, I did have it dyed pink/purple for a while and only dyed it back because I got in trouble at school. Now it’s black and looks stupid. But I will dye my hair a bright colour every summer and come back to school every year with coloured hair for the first couple of days, until I get caught. I’ve done it the last two times so it’s tradition. As for tattoos, I would like to get a small one on my wrist or somewhere, the trans symbol. I’m not old enough to get tattoos yet but I imagine when I’m older I’ll get it. Nothing stopping me.

5. Describe the one person who you’d love to be friends with, but only know as an acquaintance at work, school or other friends. What about them makes you want to know them better?

I don’t know if there is anyone. I’m pretty content with the amount of friends I have now, and I have never been good at making friends and generally don’t want to. Talking to people is hard. I went to an LGBTQ+ youth club, like, twice and haven’t been back, but I guess I’d have liked to be friends with some people there. They were all older than me and I was still newly out as trans, so I wasn’t that social and also I have terrible conversation and social skills so I was wondering what I was doing there the whole time, but some of the people were really cool, and it was my first time meeting other out trans people. I want to go back eventually but with friends so I’m a little more confident and comfortable.

6. What is your personal “white whale”? Something you encountered in the past and have never been able to find since, no matter how hard you try?

There’s this computer game, and I think I might of dreamt it because I can’t find it. I can’t remember the name, or the aim of it, but I remember playing it when I was younger. All I remember is ads/minigames for fruitloops, ufos, you play as a weird looking character (kind of like Rayman maybe?) and it might of been an mmo. It sounds like a fever dream, I know. I was young when I played it so that’s probably why I can’t remember it. I know I could explore left and right, and there were other areas but I don’t know what was in those areas. I don’t remember doing anything in this game. I think about it sometimes, but I have no idea how I would even try to find it, so I guess we’ll never know if it existed.

7. What was your favourite movie when you were a child? Does it still hold up now that you’re older?

I watched a lot of movies growing up, anything we could find in Xtravision, but I don’t know what my favourite was. Where The Wild Things Are was great. I also really liked the Shrek and Ice Age movies. I can still appreciate them as good movies now.

8. Do you have a favourite ‘local’ food? It could be a local delicacy unique to your town, but it could just be a particular snack from a particular shop. A favourite meal from your favourite restaurant, maybe, because nobody else makes it the same way they do?

In my school they have a shop for break and lunchtime that has amazing chocolate cookies. They taste amazing. There’s also a café in my town called J One and I remember when I was younger it would be a treat to go there and get pancakes with chocolate sauce. They have shit scrambled eggs though.

9. Have you ever skipped school or work to hang out with your friends or go to a particular event?

I skipped school to go to the Night Vale live show Ghost Stories when it came to Dublin. Thats probably the only time though. I used to skip the last classs on a Friday to go to therapy, but I’m not doing that anymore (I don’t go to thearpy anymore and also it was bad for my education I guess).

10. What is something you’d love to collect but haven’t yet?

Achievements on games. App games, Xbox games, Steam games. Does that count? I Haven’t been playing too much recently, but I want to hunt achievements and all that kind of stuff.

11. Are you the kind of person who saves tickets from travelling? If not, what’s your favourite type of souvenir?

I definitetly am, I have a bunch of tickets on my wall, and I travelled abroad for the first time this summer but I only had a boarding pass that had been printed off on normal printing paper so it wasn’t that exciting. And it was my dead name. So I’d rather not stick it on my wall. But I do like to collect tickets for places I’ve been and things, and I have a big section on my wall dedicated to anything cool like tickets, pictures, art, buisness cards. Random stuff that looks nice.

My questions now! I’m going to tag @the-ghost-of-helena @a-dinosaur-created-earth @martin-du-creff @stay-punk-ponyboy @therearelizardsinthepudding but as always, no pressure. Only do it if ya want.

1. What colour(s) are the walls of your bedroom? Do you have any posters or other decorations?

2. What is your favourite piece of clothing?

3. What book(s) are you currently reading or what is the last book you read? 

4. Do you prefer showers or baths? At night or in the morning?

5. Do you have any key-chains?

6. Do you like making jigsaw puzzles?

7. What is your favourite holiday?

8. Do you like playing card games? What’s your favourite?

9. Do you have any merch from a show/podcast/movie/book/anything?

10. What was your favourite game when you were younger? It could be a video game, board game, card game, anything.

11. What time does your alarm go off at?

#long post #really long sorry #tag meme

[theclaravoyant]

also if you're up for it, S1 Skye finds Simmons in Fitz's bed post FZZT and in trying to explain that they are not dating or sleeping together, they end up talking about QPs and aromantic (and/or ace) identities (bonus points if Skye ends up joining them for all the platonic bed sharing feels)

AN ~ Always a pleasure to write for you! Thanks for the prompt

Also tagging @unlessimwrongwhichyouknowimnot bc they’re always down for QP FitzSimmons. Happy Pride!

(and for those of who who didn’t catch them last year, there’s more QP FS in Birds of a Feather and aro!Jemma (who unfortunately didn’t make it explicitly into this one) in Love is Not an Eight Letter Word.)

Read on AO3 (~1600wd).Fluff! Rated G/K+ for some light/brief mentions of sex.

-

Peas in a Pod

It was the morning after the scariest day of her life, and Skye woke with her heart pounding heavily in her chest. She couldn’t remember if she’d been dreaming, or if so, what it had been about, but in her state of panic she remembered the way her heart had dropped, her mouth had gone dry, her every thought had turned to death death death when Jemma had jumped. She would have survived and landed and gone on, and her friend would be dead. Gone. Forever. She’d never been that close to it before.

All of a sudden, she felt an urge to see Jemma’s face. Or Fitz’s, which if nothing else, would remind her that they’d come out of it after all. So, still in her pyjamas, Skye bolted across the hall and knocked on Jemma’s door. No answer? She tried Fitz’s instead, her whole body starting to shake, just in case, but then –

“Yeah, come in.”

Not screamingly enthusiastic, but definitely not the voice of a man who had lost his best friend the day before. Relieved, Skye pulled the door open, and yelped.

“AH! NO!” She spun on the spot and covered her eyes, unsure where to look or not look. Unsure what she had just seen or not seen.

Jemma laughed and sat up, Fitz’s blankets pooling around her, now revealing most of the Sci-Tech Academy logo on the shirt she was wearing.

“It’s okay, Skye,” she assured her. “We’re both decent.”

Skye settled, and dropped her hand from her eyes. Fitz had crossed the room as if to open the door for her, and was frowning a little, confused by her reaction.

“It’s cool,” Skye said, shrugging to recover her casual exterior, though she was still a little flushed and breathless. “Extreme situations give rise to new relationships. All the time.”

“New relationships?” FitzSimmons shared a glance, and then snapped back to Skye, in unison.

“This is a new thing, right?” Skye checked, waving a finger between them. She may not be a long-time trained spy, but she wasn’t that thick. Besides, it had only been yesterday (such a long day) that Fitz had been snorting and guffawing and denying his chemistry with Jemma and even – if Skye was not mistaken – flirting with her instead. With no real reason to keep a secret from her – well, not one like that – the only other conclusion Skye could draw was that the two of them had finally been driven into each other’s arms by the previous day’s near-death experience. It happened.

It happened, but it was not what had happened here.

“Oh,” Simmons said, as if explaining aside to Fitz. “She thinks we slept together last night.”

“What?” Fitz baulked. “No! Of course not! I mean we slept but we didn’t… sleep…”

“Fitz and I aren’t together,” Simmons explained, cutting him off. “Well, not by your standards, anyway.”

“’My standards,’” Skye repeated, confused. “As opposed to what? Your standards? What, are you guys aliens or something?”

“What?” Fitz was momentarily alarmed.

“What?” Skye locked her eyes on his, wondering if she’d actually managed to catch him out. She’d always felt there was something weird about this place, and about FitzSimmons. And with everything that had happened recently, aliens wouldn’t be that much of a stretch, to be honest.

But Fitz seemed just as keen to catch her out as she was him, and so they stared each other down for a few seconds until Jemma waved them off again.

“No, I just meant… most people don’t understand the nature of our relationship.”

Skye snorted.

“Alright, Ms Grey,” she teased. “Now I know that can’t be as kinky as it sounded just now, so I’m curious. If you two aren’t aliens – which I’m not entirely sold on, by the way – what am I? What do you mean ‘my standards’?”

“I didn’t mean to offend, Skye,” Simmons apologised. “It’s just a little obscure. Fitz and I, we’re in what’s called a ‘queer-platonic’ relationship. It’s like, well it is friendship I suppose, but it’s… deeper than that. It’s like, friendship with the commitment of a romantic relationship. But without the actual romance.”

Skye frowned.

“Isn’t that just like, really good friendship?”

“Well, in a way, yes,” Simmons explained, and then took a deep breath that warned Skye she was in for an info-dump.

“But also, no. See, the term ‘platonic’ has its origins in Ancient Greek and could actually be used refer to any non-sexual non-familial love. It simply means ‘confined to thought and concept, and not resulting in action’, which in this case would be sex. So technically, non-sexual romantic acts are also platonic. Well, they were. I mean, the evolution of language does have to be taken into consideration, obviously, which is where the ‘queer’ part of it comes in. It doesn’t refer to Fitz’s or my orientations but rather, to the relationship itself - ‘queering’ the definition of platonic as we know it today, to make it more resembling of the older, wider version. At least, that’s how I see it.”

Skye blinked, speechless for a moment.

“Cool,” she said slowly, once she had run it over in her head and absorbed it. Fitz shook his head, and simplified.

“Skye. When you first met us, did you assume we were friends or a couple?”

“… a couple?” Skye confessed.

“When you found out we were ‘just friends,’ did that make sense to you?”

“Of course!”

Fitz and Jemma glared a little. Skye rolled her eyes, blushing with chagrin.

“Alright, I still wanted you two to get together and I still thought maybe you had or should have had something going on. But that happens to loads of friends, right?”

“Sure, probably,” Fitz agreed.

“Especially those of different sexes,” Simmons put in.

“But for us, we like to have the label,” Fitz explained. “It’s a different type of companionship, that’s all. It’s a very deep, very special connection that we share, that’s different to how we relate to other people. Some people might experience something similar and call it love; other people might call it friendship. We call it queerplatonic. It’s our special balance, that’s all.”

Skye frowned, still absorbing. It made as much sense as it didn’t make, and strangely enough, it seemed like a perfect concept to describe a relationship such as theirs. Two people who insisted they were not in love even though, by all accounts, they appeared to be. Perhaps they were not in denial after all, but simply, in a balance?

“Tell me more?” Skye requested.

“Of course!”

“We’d be glad to.”

Excited to share this oft-undiscovered part of their life with such an open mind as Skye’s, FitzSimmons beckoned her further into the room, so that all three of them sat on the bed – it was too small a space otherwise, anyway.

“Are you guys exclusive?” Skye wondered. “And, do you – you know – have sex? Or could you? Is queerplatonic a Thing? Do other ones work like yours?”

“It’s the same as with all relationships,” Fitz explained. “No two look exactly the same and like I said before, one person’s queerplatonic might be another’s romance or friendship or friends-with-benefits-ship. There are lots of different arrangements. Like, homosexual QPs exist too, and some with more than two partners. It all depends on the people.”

“As does the sex,” Simmons put in. “Some QPs have it, others stay away from it, for various reasons. Fitz and I, for example, we probably wouldn’t have sex because Fitz is ace.”

She gestured to him to explain, but before he could open his mouth, Skye exclaimed an interruption.

“Oh! I know that one!” she cried. “Not a fan of sex, right?”

She high-fived him, quite pleased with herself, and continued.

“I get it. I mean, I don’t get it because sex is The Bomb, but I respect it. What about you, Simmons? Are you two exclusive?”

Simmons shrugged.

“At the moment, we are,” she said lightly, “but that’s just by default. We haven’t really talked about it either way.”

“Well, you should,” Skye suggested, “because your boy’s been flirting with me and I’m not entirely sure he knows that’s what he’s been doing but maybe it’s time to get your chips in order.”

Fitz blushed, chagrined. Simmons blinked at him, a little surprised.

“By the way, sorry man,” Skye continued, “you’re a good guy but you’re just not my type. In case we’re getting our wires crossed here.”

Fitz raised his hands in surrender.

“I understand. No crossed wires.”

“It was worth a shot. I appreciate the appreciation.”

“My pleasure.”

“You’re a good guy and you’ll find a real romantic partner someday, if you want one,” Skye continued, putting a sympathetic hand on Fitz’s knee, and Fitz laughed.

“Is this a breakup speech? You shouldn’t have.”

“Hey, you’re my friend, and I’ll wingman you if you want me to. The offer still stands – I mean, if it’s okay with Jemma, I guess?” Skye glanced between them, still not sure exactly where the line lay on this sort of thing. Simmons waved her back to Fitz, who shrugged, and then put an arm around Simmons’ shoulders.

“No thanks.” He grinned. “I think I’ve got everyone I need right here.”

#fitzsimmons #fsfic #ace!fitz #thefitzsimmonsnetwork #aospositivitynet #prompt me stuff #brot3: bus kids #clara's fic tag #buskidsburgade