#clock hits 12. we celebrate. everybody has One mimosa. not a lot at all

[mars-ipan]

GODDD.

#marzivents #to preface. i am SLIGHTLY buzzed. as in i have had a single mimosa almost an hour ago #today there has been a… weird??? energy with the family?? #my mom and dad are on two different frequencies today but like they’re managing so whatever #my brother and i have been normal i suppose #but we’ve been all together for a little bit to celebrate the new uear and such #clock hits 12. we celebrate. everybody has One mimosa. not a lot at all #that buzz hits me and i’m hanging out. i’m feeling good! #my brother says something or other and we start the motions of one of our go-to sibling disagreements you know the type #and my mother cuts me off says like ‘let’s all relax’ or whatever. i didn’t feel that angry but like?? sure? fine whatever #we stop and i move on. once again not a huge deal to me #then my dad does smth or other. my mom’s been razzing him all day so i decide alright i will also razz him. a little lighthearted teasing #it is NOTHING different from what i normally do. just slightly more frequent #and my dad goes ‘i can’t have an opinion on anything huh?’ and i- committed to the bit- go ‘no <3’ with a smile on my face #like i am simply wanting to fuck around!! the way you do with friends! that is all i am doing! #i get in some other thing with my brother for like .2 seconds before my mom tells us to ‘stop fighting’ again. alright cool #this sort of thing continues. and the air in the room becomes super tense for some goddamn reason??? #eventually my dad heads to the garage and my brother follows. while they’re gone my mom tells me i need to cool it and i’m being aggressive #i???? huh???? what??? #i was gonna turn to HER and crack a joke like ‘how do you get them to understand that loud doesn’t mean angry?’ #because that’s an issue SHE has all the damn time! i was gonna turn to her and bond! but she says that before i can even start to #so my attempt to ease the remaining tension in the room is dead on arrival. in fact the room is even TENSER #maybe it was the champagne or smth but it just fucking got to me. i shut up and turn away and start trying to collect myself #i’m realizing two things. 1- my emotions are less in my control right now and i cannot collect myself here. 2- I Need To Fucking Scream #so i silently pack up and head to my room. my mom knows better and asks no questions #as i was typing this post my brother walks in. i shoo him out without words but he tries to ask questions so i just repeat until he gets it #i feel fucking insane. what the fuck did i DO???? i literally was just fucking razzing. i do that all the time #and sure. i was louder. and yeah it was probably slightly more razzing than i normally would. but i DO NOT FUCKING GET how those two things #would cause as MUCH of a reaction as they did!!! like. i . hello??? #the rest is in the replies bc i am out of tags but i am not out of feelings