#my brother and i have been normal i suppose

[puppyeared]

i think the reason why im so drawn to spirit tracks and pkmn scarvi is that having the legendary/princess as a companion rather than a goal that marks the games completion makes me feel satisfied the way i would after helping a friend

my brother always teases me about how I still havent finished botw after almost 7 years bc "id rather be out picking flowers" which i wont say is untrue. and yes i know Zeldas been holding off ganon for 100 years, yes i can get some sort of idea what her relationship with link was like by recalling memories and going through her diary. ive always loved botw for its unique storytelling and setting which makes it stand out, because it lets you get to know who you're saving.

but because theyre memories, it only works if theres something for the player to investigate that already happened. its retroactive (but effective nonetheless)

on the other hand, spirit tracks does something similar but instead of having the player try to piece together memories and interpret them as a spectator, you actually have an opportunity to get to know zelda yourself by talking to her and working together. besides making it a gameplay mechanic, giving the player control over how they interact with zelda makes it so much more personable.

and I find that making the goal feel personal instead of an obligation gives me more of a reason to work towards it. I know what kind of person botw zelda was but as the player, shes still very much a stranger to me. but spirit tracks zelda? thats my friend!!!! she invited me to go to the beach after we get her body back!!! i dont want to whip her to make her move faster thats mean :(

you know how hostage negotiators are trained to introduce themselves and get to know the person theyre negotiating with because its harder to hurt someone when you know what their favorite food is? its kinda like that, because it feels like im helping a friend than being told or led to do smth

and although i havent played scarvi myself, i feel an attachment to koraidon and miraidon even just watching playthrough clips because its like!! thats my weird scaly dog!! it loves sandwiches and we're friends!!! you know!!!!!!

#i dont normally write long posts like this but i think ive been trying to put this into words for a long time and it finally happened #my cloth mother spirit tracks zelda and my wire mother lttp zelda #ACTUALLY ANOTHER THING when i was a kid i always felt guilty when i had to catch the legendary at the end of the game #because to me it was like 'i know none of this is real but if i capture you and have you under my thumb am i robbing the world of something #normal thoughts for a 10 year old to have #when i talked to my brother abt this he was like 'i mean yeah the point is to dunk on the NPCs what were you expecting' and i mean i think #i get that its supposed to feel rewarding because the legendary is THE reward. but it doesnt feel right and i dislike he feeling of pushing #others down to get ahead. i guess u can argue sun/moon does smth similar where you have nebby with lillie #but lillie still ends up handing nebby over to the player and i STILL feel bad because im like shit man you raised that little guy #and koraidon/miraidon feels less like a reward but more like overpowered motorcycle lizard that is just so oupydog. and i love him #and in spirit tracks i went out of my way doing some of the side quests bc zelda asked nicely and honestly that was enough for me #i think all of this boils down to.. i feel very protective abt things i care abt so stories that give me a reason to care hits harder #this can also go the other way bc i CRIED when i finished links awakening because i KNEW every person and im responsible for #literally the end of their world. like. there was a family with 5 kids. marin loved singing and cared about me. she was my FRIEND #i just. ugh. i have too many feelings rn. i kinda wanna draw more spirit tracks link and zelda i think that wld make me feel better #yapping #diary #loz #pokemon

[mars-ipan]

GODDD.

#marzivents #to preface. i am SLIGHTLY buzzed. as in i have had a single mimosa almost an hour ago #today there has been a… weird??? energy with the family?? #my mom and dad are on two different frequencies today but like they’re managing so whatever #my brother and i have been normal i suppose #but we’ve been all together for a little bit to celebrate the new uear and such #clock hits 12. we celebrate. everybody has One mimosa. not a lot at all #that buzz hits me and i’m hanging out. i’m feeling good! #my brother says something or other and we start the motions of one of our go-to sibling disagreements you know the type #and my mother cuts me off says like ‘let’s all relax’ or whatever. i didn’t feel that angry but like?? sure? fine whatever #we stop and i move on. once again not a huge deal to me #then my dad does smth or other. my mom’s been razzing him all day so i decide alright i will also razz him. a little lighthearted teasing #it is NOTHING different from what i normally do. just slightly more frequent #and my dad goes ‘i can’t have an opinion on anything huh?’ and i- committed to the bit- go ‘no <3’ with a smile on my face #like i am simply wanting to fuck around!! the way you do with friends! that is all i am doing! #i get in some other thing with my brother for like .2 seconds before my mom tells us to ‘stop fighting’ again. alright cool #this sort of thing continues. and the air in the room becomes super tense for some goddamn reason??? #eventually my dad heads to the garage and my brother follows. while they’re gone my mom tells me i need to cool it and i’m being aggressive #i???? huh???? what??? #i was gonna turn to HER and crack a joke like ‘how do you get them to understand that loud doesn’t mean angry?’ #because that’s an issue SHE has all the damn time! i was gonna turn to her and bond! but she says that before i can even start to #so my attempt to ease the remaining tension in the room is dead on arrival. in fact the room is even TENSER #maybe it was the champagne or smth but it just fucking got to me. i shut up and turn away and start trying to collect myself #i’m realizing two things. 1- my emotions are less in my control right now and i cannot collect myself here. 2- I Need To Fucking Scream #so i silently pack up and head to my room. my mom knows better and asks no questions #as i was typing this post my brother walks in. i shoo him out without words but he tries to ask questions so i just repeat until he gets it #i feel fucking insane. what the fuck did i DO???? i literally was just fucking razzing. i do that all the time #and sure. i was louder. and yeah it was probably slightly more razzing than i normally would. but i DO NOT FUCKING GET how those two things #would cause as MUCH of a reaction as they did!!! like. i . hello??? #the rest is in the replies bc i am out of tags but i am not out of feelings

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

sometimes i remember that gojo wanted to tell geto “we’ll meet again, right?” just before he died but forced himself not to knowing it would have cursed him and then i start thinking about how kind and thoughtful gojo is as a character and how he hasn’t been able to lean on another human being since geto defected and then i want to . Scream

#like. there’s something almost helpless about that question. because gojo doesn’t *know* the answer…. he’s asking for reassurance #he wants to know if they’ll ever meet again even though deep down he knows the answer #and it’s so… bare? so vulnerable. #if he had voiced it that would’ve been the first time in TEN YEARS that gojo truly bared his heart to someone and asked for help #but he knew it would turn into a curse and so he gulped the words back down. :(( #gojo is such a sincerely kind and thoughtful character and it breaks my heart that sooo many people in the fandom can’t see that 😭 #he isn’t a saint and he definitely isn’t selfless but above all else his goal as a human being is to make sure no one ever feels alone. #that no one has their youth taken away from them….. that everyone gets a Choice in how to live their life :(((( it’s so important to him. #i just genuinely don’t understand ppl who insist that he’s morally gray ….. gojo is a consistently Good person and that never changes #he wants to have fun and laugh and he wants his students to enjoy their youth. he wants them to think he’s cool. #he’s the big brother slash father Ever and i love him to death #i got sidetracked this was supposed to be abt geto 😔😔 anyway the final scene between them will always be my Favorite ever #and the key to understanding both their characters and love for one another #ty for coming to my ted talk i’m feeling normal abt them today 😇😇 #ari noises ✩

[pepprs]

feeling despair i don’t know how to put into words. im trying to figure out why im like this and how i got to be this way but i can’t even do it bc of the way i am and what im like. if that makes sense. like the problem prevents me from fixing the problem bc i can’t get to the root of it. despair despair despair

#purrs #delete later #basically i can’t internalize anything about myself. i can’t internalize that i am talented smart strong whatever and i can’t internalize #evidence that i matter and belong and am loved. i take in this evidence constsntly and it just evaporates. and then it’s like i have none of #it at all and im starving and shaking and dying and howling like a wretched little animal. and i live in this constant defaulstate of like.. #feeling worthless and alone and utterly empty and like everything in my life is a dream or something. and in feeling that way and being #quite literally incapable of having emotional object permanence.. i actually make that situation real for myself. i make myself alone and #wretched. i isolate myself and shut down and don’t let myself take up the space i can. and it’s just awful. it’s unfixabke. #i just suck it all dry. i deny myself to myself and to everyone else. and idk what made me like this bc i don’t think i always used to be #this way w depression and depersonalization or whatever the fuck dsm 6 type shit i have going on. but i can’t internalize anything about #myself and my life and have no desire / willpower to look back beyond a certain point and really analyze and probe to figure out what #happened to me to make me like this so i can heal the core wound. soim just constantly in wretched tortured panicking creature mode. awesome #this cry for help brought to you by: my sister guilt tripping me into doing her laundry + my brother showing me his beautiful music + #realizing that unlike redacted i have not documented every part of my life and have no access to early childhood artifacts that would reveal #anything about me and that it does n’t even matter / isn’t special anyway. i love being normal 😎🫶🏻‼️ #at least i haven’t been dissociating as badly about work stuff lately but. that’s definitely still a thing too so. what if my whole life is #just the wrong timeline i wasn’t supposed to be in and nothing is actually real. lawl 😳 #this is a ​really awesome time for my therapist to be going on a monthlong honeymoon btw 😍 she deserves it so much but omg im dying already

[solacebean]

I’m just saying there IS a difference and it’s kinda important

#like if you’re gonna call Raph’s other selves alters #then I feel like you should understand #that they aren’t fully differentiated personalities from Raphael himself #they are literally called mind raph and savage raph #they share the same name just different ‘modes’ or like jobs or whatever #Raph is supposed to be the host that lives a normal life with his brothers #savage raph comes out to protect raph and the rest of the system #mind raph is there for guidance #etc etc #raph still experiences amnesia #though he’s been shown to have a good enough relationship with mind raph to be able to communicate #osdd 1a is did but without fully differentiated alters #osdd 1a can also still experience amnesia #lots of systems can learn to work together and trust each other enough to communicate #I’m not an expert on this subject I’ve just done lots of my own research #and I do mean a LOT of research #which is why I was always confused whenever I saw people use DID headcanons for raph #since his symptoms didn’t exactly match the research I had done on it #but it does match a lot better with osdd 1a #I’m just saying if you’re gonna headcanon him with alters at least try to get the right information #btw if I got anything wrong or whatever feel free to correct me #I may have done tons of research but like I said I’m not an expert #rottmnt #rottmnt raph

[da-proti-toku-grem]

feeling like a total asshole today 👍

#an aunt's mom passed away yesterday night #i didn't really know her that much just spoke to her a few times for the typical merry christmas & happy new year you know #so when my mom told me i felt bad for my aunt bc i knew they were really close but i don't feel SAD #but my parents seemed to be like so shocked and sad and my little brother even started crying #and i felt absolutely nothing #idek what my mom saw in my face but she went like 'don't you feel anything?' and like wtf am i supposed to feel #like. i'm sorry for my aunt and everything but i just????? #that already made me feel like an absolute asshole but now we have to go there (like 2hours away by car) #and because i am an adult now i *have* to go to the funeral home (?) today and to the funeral tomorrow #and i REALLY don't want to and thought it's making me so fucking anxious bc i haven't been there since my grandma passed away 2 years ago #i really don't want that feeling that i felt back then to come back #not right now #not when i've been starting to feel a bit better this past week #but i'm already failing at that because they started to come back the moment i was told i have to go #and i feel like a fucking asshole because my aunt's mom literally passed away and she (and her whole family) must be heartbroken right now #and all i can think about is that i'm anxious #i'm anxious to go back there. i'm anxious just thinking that i'll have to express my condolences to people that i don't even know #i'm anxious because i'll have to TALK to people and at least try to look a bit SAD but i can't just fake it #bc if i don't look sad my brain tells me that i'm an asshole that doesn't have feelings like apparently everyone around me has #but if i fake it my brain tells me that i'm an asshole bc why tf do i have to fake my fucking personality #why can't i just express my fucking feelings like normal people do and the only thing that i know how to do is fucking complain #like. i know i rant a lot here but it's literally the only place where i talk about my feelings #i NEVER talk about my feelings with anyone because idk HOW to do it #i have like a million things in my mind that i want to tell my mom or my therapy for example but when i finally convince myself to do it #i just CAN'T. the thoughts won't leave my mouth because i don't know how to phrase them properly #so nothing ever leaves my mind unless i make a post here bc apparently writing my thoughts in english (my 2nd language) #is easier than talking in spanish #and at least if i write them here they don't just stay bottled up in my mind #but i'm too tired of myself and my stupid brain that tells me that i do everything wrong :/ #i'm gonna shut up now bc i once again reached the tag limit

[bl33ditout]

the way that i can basically count the amount of men i trust on one hand

#it should not be this way. like it just shouldn't be #let's see there would be my dad and a few other online male friends i have been able to salvage - that's about it #not counting my brother bc he's not old enough yet #the online friends are ones who i have been very clear about my boundaries with and have been respectful of that #and people wonder why i'm hesitant on getting a bf... #like nah imma have HIGH standards. either treat me like a goddess or go away. not settling for bare minimum out of my s/o #but like when it comes to being friends with a guy? just don't act sus and treat me normal that's all #it's not that hard #but no im cool being single right now bc it's actually so much fun. the right one will come when he's supposed to #tw vent #personal

[the-casbah-way]

grief is weird because it has been twelve years and i still sometimes find myself watching strangers go about their day like everything is fine and normal and think like wow they never knew him. like the world has ended a bit and you’re all just okay. how can you be fine when there is now a gaping hole in the universe that will never go away

#idk. i’m going through it with that rn. past four years have just been so rough with it #i think because i’m having that delayed grief thing a lot of autistic ppl have. like i’m only now realising it is permanent #and like. that really was my favourite person in the entire world i mean it. my favourite person ever is just gone #like doesn’t even exist any more. that was the person who raised me. and none of my friends will ever get to meet him #i can’t think of another human more deserving of getting to live and see nice things #i’m supposed to just keep all of this inside me and be normal about it huh. like ok #started crying in fuckin asda of all places bc we saw a cat on the way there that came up and cuddled me #and brother is like ‘cats love u. cats were like that with him too’ #like you can’t say that. you can’t just drop that in there like it’s nothing and expect me to be normal #i dunno it’s fine i’m normal #ask to tag

[fleshdyke]

absnskaisgbsj

#lost literally one of the best friendships of my life yesterday #i mean it’s been gone for a while i just never had the courage to talk to them about it until yesterday. and that basically confirmed it tbh #they didn’t say i did anything wrong but they also didn’t not say i did anything wrong and i’m v paranoid that i did do smth wrong #like i dont want to talk bad abt any of them bc genuinely i had so much fun with these people and im so glad i got to know them #like when i talked to them they were very dry ig? like not like their usual self at all even when talking to someone they dont know #definitely sounded like they were talking to someone they hated. im trying to tell myself taht its just my anxiety but ummm yeah idk i think #im actually right this time #idk. it just sucks man. im trying to think of what i did wrong bc i just dont know what happened #i think im overanalyzing every interaction i can remember having with these ppl bc i dont even want to entertain the idea that they might #have been bad people all along. i dont want to think that and i dont but idk it feels like an observation about myself that ive made from #the outside in yk. like half of me is feeling the emotional response and the other half is just watching from the outside like im someone #else. and i know this is a normal human thing but its just always weird yk #and then theres the whole awful thing of seeing shit that they would find funny or that reminds me of them. and i also dont know what im #supposed to do when school starts back up again bc we took a lot of the same classes and if i end up in a class with them idk if im supposed #to say hi or just pretend they dont exist or not and i dont want to make the wrong decision so they hate me even more yk #whatever man. it fucking sucks but life goes on. my dog is just chilling in my room rn and i’ll always have her and tia and my brother #rambles #vent

[lilgynt]

#personal #my mom told me yesterday my brothers paying to have my door replaced today or tomorrow bc he misses me and thinks is affecting our #relationship badly #and she wasn’t supposed to tell me but i’m glad she did cause like #she tried saying she’s getting it replaced immediately grilled her on where the fuck she got that money since i know we have more important #issues and she IMMEDIATELY snitched #anyway i feel complicated. thank you for the door. that you already said you would do. what was the point of all of this #and i’m re reading the messsges maybe i was too mean but also 8 months no door and everyone being mean to me about it #he told my mom he misses me and she said how sweet it was to hear that and i should consider just. letting this go #and she doesn’t want to minimize the door or what it represents beyond just the door #but didn’t really get it when i was like it matters if he’s doing this bc he misses me or bc he thinks he did anything wrong #like he can do both but. i just want to know he’s not thinking i’m some brat for asking for something? normal? or that this won’t happen #again cause this always happens. #she was like isn’t it more romantic that he misses you so much he doesn’t care if he’s right or wrong? girl what the fuck are you on #anyway i feel weird bc like. it’s nice but i didn’t need him to shell this out #and i feel oddly like a brat to get this expressed done from when i said im upset with him #like 20 days later but feels fast. and i wish he could have reached out and talked to me #but also i’ve been so angry and resentful i don’t know if i’d want to talk especially if it’s just the same convo over and over #i don’t need grand gestures i just wish this stuff wouldn’t happen in the first place #and i’m worried that after the door my mom will get upset if i’m still upset with my brother after #and i’m not sure how he thinks we’re gonna get back to talking if i can’t acknowledge he got the door. #like can’t be like hey thanks! also we need to talk about how you use money instead of ur words. #like in this case i genuinely really needed the door but also it’s just hard to be like hey you did this thing that was unacceptable #also thanks for the full tank of gas dinner and 100 bucks. unprompted. anyway it’s unacceptable- #like it sounds stupid right? anyway i don’t know if he’ll tell me or just try to slide back into talking without ever talking about it #i don’t know and i feel like an asshole no matter what route i go #but will say funny i hid that he broke it from him and he’s hiding that he’s fixing it for me something something #i just feel weird about it. i miss him but also don’t miss getting shit from him or the other one lately i’m just #honestly doing my own thing and just getting through the day or enjoying it too much to think about him sometimes #but i do miss him and i don’t want to be constantly fighting or arguing with my family. it’s not a nice feeling.

[ace-with--a-mace]

oh god im so fucking tired

#its like wearing on me #you can see it in my face im exhausted bro #and i still got testing and more testing and studying and new homework and 60% of your final grade and homework and and and #and cleaning and helping my brother in spanish and helping him in school and helping my grandma and remembering to eat and drink and bathe #and and remembering to redo my hair cuz i fell asleep mideay the first time and didn't put a headscarf so its all frazzled and cleaning #and cleanign my retainer and brushijg my teeth thoroughly and these should be normal everyday tasks but oh my god im so tired #and i did all this today and yesterday and tomorrow and the day before and after and i still have more tests to study for #and 'what quote from what book did beatty recite to montag' and fucking circle equations and cfes and im work out #and i sound like a baby but ive been drinking so much water and using the restroom sm but my throat is still dry #and thats what my life feels like #doing what im supposed to do by routine and not getting a positive outcome in return and why is my throat so dry and dehydrated #ranting in the tags because i can #l speaks #shut up l #being a little bitch but idk guys im sorry

[mxfitmatrix]

There's something bittersweet about going no contact with my mom.

There are little things I want to say or share. Questions I want to ask, stories and recipies I have to ask others to get from her covertly (though I don't have much time with this one as it seems that she is truly burning every bridge in our family). It's the grieving and having to treat her like she's gone, knowing that we love about 15 minutes apart still and at any time I might just... see her.

Tonight I have to grapple with the knowledge that my grandfather has my art surrounding him in his home. He's been redecorating lately and my brother's girlfriend just told me that he has a room that's now practically all decorated by me. I know how much he loves me, or I hope I do. It feels so good to have one member of my family who hasn't let me down once, not truly. Not without him being heartbroken and never repeating his mistake when he knew he hurt me.

To have a shining example of being a good family member, and know that I can't even talk about his daughter. I can't be the one to tell him why I have to miss his birthday lunch but I would love to get him breakfast and hear about his week, because if she's there he will find out and I will not be a part of that mess.

But there will be a room in his home that he loves and cherishes, that shows the joy I can express to someone who treats me with the same love and respect. And she will walk im there, and recognize the signature in the corner.

#how the fuck am i supposed to be normal with that??? #im in my feels. mommy issues be hitting hard during spring. this is going to be my second birthday without her #anyways.... my grandpa is a barn cat grandpa and apparently she is loving my brothers gf #this is a cat that we only knew was alive when she left a whisker by her food bowl every few months. #and since his dog passed shes been coming around and my bro started dating his gf around the same timw #they have been besties and they cuddle while they watch my gpa and bro build the race car #the family you build can be so much sweeter. i hope if you see this and you relate #you know that things get better when you work on them. you can build a family over time and those old wounds will scar #might feel them in a storm but itll be ok. you can be the lighthouse keeper and the waves will settle #and the ships will bless your light as they pass or find shelter in the nearby harbor #jo babbles

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

Kind of irked because I have tried to avoid buying things that would start too much drama if extended family visited me and then my aunt and uncle give my brother a “leftist tears” mug for his birthday. What’s even the point of me trying that hard to be civil if you can just do that? Anyway I have mugs I wanted to buy but didn’t because I was worried about family visiting and I’m about to change my mind

Update: I bought my mugs. Now I’m just conflicted about t-shirts (graphic Ts my beloved)

#emma posts #my brother has actually been pretty chill lately #as far as talking about things goes #I might still disagree with him but we can at least agree that people in power are doing fucked up shit #and he hasn’t yelled about blowing up china #this is a different aunt and uncle than the ones that add an undercurrent to family reunions that feels like 17th century political drama #that’s the other side of the family #that’s the gaslight gatekeep girl boss side #this is the normal side #anyway I love graphic t shirts way too much and wear them until they break #I’m either dressing cool or wearing pants and a graphic t shirt #if I’m leaving the house #at home it’s whatever #let’s be honest. I already buy graphic t shirts that could start drama #but those you can just not have in front of family #what am I supposed to do about my beloved mug hoard? #I refuse to drink out of anything else if I have a choice #mugs my beloveds #especially funny mugs #i literally own like three non-mugs #aside from my fancy goblets but I don’t actually drink so now they just have juice #I bought them expecting to have friends over for drinks sometime but nah #used glassware my beloved #the non-mug cups either came with a dish set or were free

[feirceangel]

How about a feyd x reader where feyd has reader watch him in the arena to gain her favor. She is impressed with him and respects his prowess. Just before a huge match what if she goes to him and leaves a hand print in paint over his heart as her token rather than a sash like the others. This fires him up/ looks super cool on his skin.

Ooh I love this!! I did my own spin on it but I hope you still enjoy! :)

Imagine | Stained (Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen)

Word Count: 1,377

Warnings: biting

Cheers rise into the polluted air on Giedi Prime, a torrent of frenzied noise which alerts you to the occurrence of yet another gladiatorial event.

You hadn't realized there would be one today. Normally, you notice the announcements and the crowds gathering to go see the festivities. You don't often join them.

Watching people fight to death. . . it's not a habit of yours.

Lately though, you've noticed how often Feyd has been mentioning his fights, never outright asking you to watch them but leaving plenty of hints.

Being from a wealthy family has its benefits, especially on a harsh place such as this. Ever since you've been here, you've tried to make the best of it and befriend as many native Harkonnens as you can.

This first, and dare you say only, friend-adjacent connection you've made has been with Feyd-Rautha.

His brother is too animalistic and angry for your liking, and the Baron is a ghastly man you do not like to interact with. Servants won't speak to you and the Mentat Piter is sickening in his sadistic tendencies.

So, to your surprise, you got to know Feyd the best out of them all.

He's brutal, yes. Menacing and violent as well.

And so alone.

Sure, he has his concubines: his pets that he plays with but soon grows bored of. And yes, he has his mockery of a family: a predatory uncle and a nasty brother.

Yet you can see past his façade of aloofness, see into his inner self. And what you see is a man forged by others into what he is now.

You see a hurting man who doesn't know anything close to true kindness.

So yes, he is wild and vicious. But there is an intelligence and cunning within those dark eyes that you have seen countless times. 

He's constantly observing, waiting for his moment to strike. He knows how to play his hand to benefit himself.

Despite his more undesirable traits, you'd dare call him a friend.

The cheering dies down as colourless fireworks burst in the air like ink stains. You watch them, casually leaning against the balcony railing.

Feyd finds you immediately, half undressed and still painted for fighting in the triangular colosseum.

"My lady," he rasps, approaching from behind slowly. "You did not watch the fights."

"It slipped my mind," you reply honestly. "Though I have no doubts you remain the champion, my lord."

His lips quirk upwards, "Naturally."

Your eyes roam over his blood splattered body, taking in the well-defined muscles which are decorated with paint. He's shirtless, how could you not stare?

He basks in your attention, cocky smirk never leaving his face. But it strains once you turn your attention away.

Feyd comes to lean against the rail beside you. You feel his eyes on you.

"You're coming to the next fight," he finally says once he realizes you're content to dwell in the silence.

You turn to face him with a smile, "Am I?"

His eyes narrow, voice quick and sharp, "Yes."

"You didn't ask."

Feyd tilts his head, "It's not a request."

"A command, my lord?"

"Yes," he repeats, leaning closer into your space. Your teasing tone is getting under his skin, you can tell. He's almost touching you now but you don't retreat.

This is the game you play.

"I suppose I can attend the next fight," you hum thoughtfully.  "Especially since you've requested it personally."

He backs away slowly and you force yourself into staying still even as you desire to chase after him. His close proximity is intoxicating.

As if he senses your inner battle, he grins and nods to you before sauntering away.

"I will put on a good show for you, my lady."

You find yourself alone, wishing he had stayed longer.

~~~

It was not mentioned again, and now you find yourself in your room preparing for the event. You dress modestly, still unaccustomed to the fashions on Giedi Prime. A black dress does nicely, with your hair loose. 

You still have plenty of time before your attendance is necessary, but you traverse to the arena despite this. The hallways are as colorless as everywhere else, a maze of black and white. 

Feyd is being dressed as you enter the room. His sharp eyes betray a smidge of surprise which he masks underneath an air of haughtiness. 

The servants attending him walk on eggshells, knowing that any wrong move could cause their demise. 

"You may be dismissed," you say, addressing the servants. 

Their eyes flicker to you with uncertainty. The servants do not move until Feyd snarls, "Do as she says!"

Instantly, they are gone. 

And it's just you and the warrior. 

You approach him slowly, picking up the paint pot that the servant abandoned. Circling him, you note how his eyes never leave you, even when he has to twist his head to keep you in his sights. 

"My lord, I hope you can forgive my impertinence, showing up here unannounced."

"Don't be coy," he narrows his eyes, "You're not sorry."

"You're right," you chuckle, swirling the paintbrush through the inky paint. "I'm not sorry to see you, especially like this." 

You rake your eyes over his flesh, barely concealed by a cloth wrapped around his waist. He is truly a fine specimen of a man. 

"May I?" You ask, stopping in front of him. 

He inclines his head. He hadn't been expecting this, since you seemed intent on avoiding the fights entirely. 

You begin by painting the smaller rectangles across his chest and then move to his back. Your brushstrokes are slow, methodic.

He anticipates each cool touch as you meticulously paint his flawless skin. He wishes it was your touch he was feeling, your hands against his skin. He craves it.

Next, you adorn his abdomen, barely concealing the excitement you feel being this close to him. As you finish, he reaches for his clothes but you stop him with a hand on his arm. 

"I'm not finished, my lord."

Intrigued, he returns his arm to his side, staring you down. 

You coat the palm of your right hand with the inky black liquid, never breaking eye contact with Feyd. He doesn't stop you as you press your hand against his warm chest, right where his heart would be. 

You start to pull away, but he is quick to grip your wrist, keeping you in place. For a second, you are concerned that you went too far. Maybe this is the day he kills you for your insolence?

Instead, he lunges forward, catching you in a hungry kiss. He bites and takes, and you surrender with ease. A sense of relief and excitement floods your senses as you kiss back just as passionately.  

"It is fitting," he says once he parts from you. 

He watches as you slowly peel your hand from his skin, leaving a perfect handprint over his heart. 

"What is?"

"That you should mark me like this," he grins to reveal blackened teeth. "You are a stain on my heart."

"How so?" You're still breathless, allured by his gravelly voice. 

"All it longs for is your touch, you vixen."

You caress his cheek, "I'm just marking what I own. And once you're declared the victor, you can come claim what's yours." 

Your words ignite a fire in him and he starts forward but you step back. 

His glare is venomous, as if you just deprived him of oxygen. 

"You have a fight to win, Feyd. Shouldn't you be preparing?"

Turning, you begin to walk away. 

A rough hand snatches your shoulder, and a hot mouth is on your neck before you can blink. He bites down harshly, drawing spots of blood. The pain is expected when dealing with a man like Feyd, but it is still surprising. 

You really have gotten under his skin. 

He releases the pressure of his teeth and drags his tongue over the wound. 

"You needed a mark too, my sweet."

You turn and press a chaste kiss to the top of his head, "Go make me proud, Feyd. I shall see you in your chambers after the fight."

He lets you leave, watching with blood stained lips. 

"As you command, so it shall be."

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