#dat island life legacy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

helplessly-nonstop · 4 years

Text

From the Ground Up (Elias imagine)

Truthfully this has been in the works since April, so uh, here we go! Reader owns a ranch and Elias gets hired on a farmhand. This is definitely a slow burn so, uh, good luck!

WC: 8467 words

Warnings: this has so much angst, if you’re an AJ Styles stan, you might just wanna leave, mentions of sexual assault, mentions of abuse, Reader gets called sugar and dove, panic attack (kinda, sorta?)

Tagging: @hardcorewwetrash @sporadic-fics @renegademustelid @neversatisfiedgirl @wrestlingfae

“Hey, kiddo, you ready to do this!?” Braun called out to me as I locked the barn door for the night, giving my horse, Nutmeg a final pat on the back before letting her rest. I turned and grinned, letting out a whoop of excitement then raced towards my friends. Drew snagged me by my waist and twirled me before I crowed, ”Stop, we’re gonna be late and you know that Hunter hates when we’re late!”

Laughter peeled around me as we hurried to get situated in the two trucks for tonight’s event. I was a bull rider but couldn’t travel due to the fact that I was keeping my family’s legacy alive. We began pulling away when Bayley waved a hand at me, shouting, ”Hat?” I reached a hand out my window and Kevin threw it to me, my fingers barely snagging it.

With a tight grip on the black material, I swung it into the cab of the truck, slipping it onto my head. I turned to Drew who shook his head and muttered, ”Ye and dat damn hat.” I grinned in response then cranked up the radio, singing along with the current song playing. Sarah laughed at my ridiculousness then joined in on my antics, thoroughly driving Drew to his demise.

When we arrived at the rodeo, he stumbled out of the truck and cried out,”Freedom!” Kevin, Bayley, and Braun laughed at his exclamation then we walked towards the arena where my “agent”, Hunter Helmsley, was pacing a hole into the dirt. I snickered and jogged over to join him.

“Oh thank god you’re here! You’re up in twenty minutes and you’re riding Hydro.” I stared at him for a moment then took a deep breath. Hydro was a Hereford bull that weighed about a thousand and three hundred pounds with horns about two feet long. He was the biggest bull in the league and only two people had been able to stay on for the eight seconds needed to succeed.

I nodded in understanding and met Kevin and Braun near the pin. Kevin Owens and Braun Strowman had been family friends since I was knee high to a grasshopper and when my grandparents passed, they stuck around to keep the farm thriving. They were the crazy bastards who encouraged me to chase my dreams of being a bull rider.

“Hey killer, who you riding tonight?” Kevin asked, swinging his arm around my shoulders. I glanced up and murmured,”Hydro.” He sucked in a breath then slid away, stating,”And just like that, you’ve been demoted from murderer to murderee.”

I climbed up on the gate and hung my head, muttering,”I’m going to die. He’s going to tap dance all over my ribs.” Braun rubbed my back and assured me,”No, no, you’ve got this, kiddo.”

“Nah, he’s going to break dance on your ass. You’ll be feeling it for a while.” Kevin cut in, patting me on the back. I groaned, rubbing at my eyes, then Bayley and Sarah raced to meet us, the two of them rushing out,”Watch this new guy ride!”

“New guy? Who is he?” I asked, turning to face the arena as my favorite rodeo clown, Karl Anderson, braced himself to yank open the door to let loose the beast and his new rider for eight seconds.

“Name’s Elias Samson. Guess he just moved here from Philly.” Bayley informed us and almost in unison, our noses crinkled up. We hated having new people in general but when they were city slickers? It made it a thousand times worse.

The only reason why we accepted Drew was because he had experience in roping and riding horses, something that we desperately needed. After AJ left, it was a bit difficult to handle the horses, so Drew was a perfect fit for the job. That and he had a cool accent but we never told him that part.

But when we watched the young buck ride, it was a different story. He rocked with the bucks of the bull, almost gliding with the force. It was something that I wasn’t expecting out of a Philly man.

“Hey, buttercup, you need to go ahead and get ready.” Sarah stated, patting me on my thigh. I leapt off the fence and braced for the impact, my spurs letting out a small chime as they dug into the dirt. I walked into my small, written off area then pulled my hat off before tugging my vest over my head.

“Hi sugar.” I paused in pulling my glove on then turned to see the new rider leaning against my doorway. I raised an eyebrow then fit my hat back onto my head as I stated,”New guy. How’s it goin’?” He sucked in his bottom lip then informed me,”Took away seventy five points on my first night so…” I hummed in acknowledgement then fixed my chaps as I said,”Well congrats, young buck, but that’s nothing.” He laughed and a shiver raced through my body as he did so, then I heard, ”(Y/N) (Y/L/N) to the arena, (Y/N) (Y/L/N) to the arena.”

I tipped my hat at him then stated,”See ya around, young buck.”

I rushed to meet my team waiting for my arrival then Kevin and Braun grabbed my arms, yanking me up onto the gate before Bayley appeared, stating,”Alright, you are the only person riding Hydro tonight so you just need to last the eight seconds and get out of there before you get stomped on.”

“Bays, that’s not a very good pep talk.” Sarah informed her girlfriend, patting her on the back. Karl peeked his head up then stated,”You’re gonna do great, kid.” I gave him a small smile then thanked him before winding my hand tightly in place. Braun looked down at me then said, ”When you get bucked off, you scramble like eggs in a hot skillet, you got me?” I nodded in agreement then braced against the bull, giving him a small pat on the back.

Karl yanked open the door and out Hydro flew, bucking wildly. I gasped then tightened my grip, tensing my arm as my free hand hooked to my belt loop, forcing it to my side as he twisted and bucked around. In… Out… Repeat… Just need to last eight seconds. I leaned with his bucks, waiting for his next spin then watched as his legs flailed momentarily then he twisted once again, trying his damnedest to knock me away.

As Hydro spun again, I dug my right spur into his side and he slowed his speed, only for him to pick up again. I tightened my thighs around him, listening to my chaps squeak quietly then a whistle blew over my head, alerting me that I survived my eight seconds. Now I just needed to clear the danger zone.

I glanced over my shoulder then swung my leg over his head as he spun again, releasing my rope before I landed on my hands and knees, racing towards where my team was waiting. They pulled me upwards, freeing me from the angry bull. Drew pulled my hat off and ruffled my hair, chirping, ”Helluva ride dere, lil dove! Proud of ye!” I grinned at him then I waited for the announcer to inform the crowd and I of my score.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N) on Hydro has scored a ninety three.” The crowd roared with its approval and I let out a screech, ecstatic with my results. We exited the pen area and joined Hunter on the ground who congratulated me on the good work. I grinned at him then we walked back towards the trucks, ready to call it a night. I knew that Sarah and Bayley had found us a new farm hand who would be willing to help around the place and he was supposed to be at the farm bright and early.

“Hey, sugar, leavin’ so soon?” I turned on my heel then stated,”Hey, young buck, good to see ya again. Didja happen to see me?”

“Yep. You did good.” I blinked a few times at him then he grinned, stating,”Kidding, I’m kidding. You did great. Never seen anyone take on such a big bull and get such a good score.”

“Well you are a city slicker so that might explain a few things.” His eyes widened at my statement then Drew jogged up to me, wrapping an arm around my waist as he asked,”Ye ready ta go, luvey?” I raised my head and smiled at him, stating,”Yeah, just gimme a bit.” He kissed me on the temple then went back to the truck, the engine roaring to life. Elias gave me a small smile then said,”Well, I'll see you around, sugar.”

I nodded in agreement then joined Sarah and Drew in the truck, following Braun,Kevin, and Bayley out of the arena’s makeshift parking lot. I still needed to take a shower to wash away the dirt and sweat that the night had gifted me with, not to mention I still had horses and cattle to check on before I went to bed.

I pulled my comforter over my head then groaned when I realized that the sun was up which meant that the new farmhand would be here anytime soon if he was punctual. I crawled out of bed reluctantly then joined Braun and Sarah downstairs who was drinking coffee while Bayley made French toast for what looked like an army.

“Has anyone heard from this new guy?” Kevin asked, claiming the second to last cup of coffee that had been poured for everyone as he passed the island. I shook my head then Bayley chirped,”Yeah he’ll be here soon. He got lost.”

Everyone but Sarah looked up at our favorite brunette then Braun asked,”He got lost? What, he’s not from around here or somethin’?” She shook her head and informed us,”No, he moved from a big city, said he always wanted to move south.” Scoffs sounded then we passed the large platter of French toast around, our group choosing however many pieces they pleased when the doorbell rang.

Bayley’s head snapped up then she called out, ”Coming, hang on!” She twisted her apron around and it flapped behind her in protest as she ran towards the door to let the new guy in. But the rest of us were so focused on becoming lively for the day, we didn’t even register who was standing in the kitchen doorway leading in from the front door.

“Well do I get breakfast too?” Forks clattered to the plates and Kevin choked on his current bite, Sarah pounding on his back while the rest of us turned to face our new farm hand.

“Young buck. When you said that you’d see me around, I wasn’t thinkin’ you’d see me this soon.” I admitted, wiping my hands off. He grinned, shaking my outstretched hand, and stated,”Ehh, I figured I’d surprise you today instead of telling you yesterday.”

“Well color us surprised then.” Braun rumbled, returning to eating. My lifelong friend hated new people and understandably so. In this day and age, there’s no telling who you can trust. Elias gave a tight smile then shot a nervous glance to Bayley who offered,”Go ahead and sit down, have some breakfast. There’s plenty to go around.”

Elias began pulling the chair out from beside me and we all shared a knowing look then Drew rumbled from the hallway entrance,”Dat's ma seat.” The new guy turned to face the Scotsman as he grabbed his cup of coffee, ruffling Bayley’s hair affectionately then kissed me on the crown of my head, claiming his seat. Elias ended up between Kevin and Braun then I grimaced as the two began talking around him.

Oh Lord, here we go with the hazing.

“Boys, quit your talkin’ and eat your breakfast.” Bayley snipped, sliding a plate full of bacon and sausage beside the French toast platter. I glanced around at my comrades then cried out,”Bull rider of ninety three gets first pick!”

“You lil heathen.” Drew rumbled as Braun exclaimed,”Like hell you do!” And just like that, the three of us were engaged in a battle of forks for the best looking bacon and sausage. Laughter roared around us then I stabbed two pieces of sausage links, giving a shout of victory.

“So young buck, whatdya think about our little town round here?” I asked before taking a bite of my prize, passing the plate of breakfast meats around.

“It’s cute, I think I’m gonna like it here.” We all nodded in agreement and as we were cleaning up, Baron Corbin, my next door neighbor rushed into the house and shouted,” Cows are loose!”

“Fuck!” we cried out, scrambling to slide our boots on then I darted out the door with Elias hot on my heels. I leaped off the porch and snagged my rope hanging off the railing then whistled at Nutmeg, who was thankfully in the mood to listen to me. She trotted towards me then I swung onto her back as Baron’s dog, Xavier came racing around the cows that had escaped the half broken gate.

Elias opened the pen door for me to lead Nutmeg out after I fitted the rope into the loops of her halter then rode out to round up the miscellaneous cows. Braun kept a watchful eye on the rest of the cattle while Bayley helped me herd the loose ones back in their pen.

I let Nutmeg back in her pen then turned to Elias, stating,”Your first order of business here? Fix the gate.” He nodded in agreement then I turned to Kevin, asking,”Can you show him where to find the field fence and tools? I’ve got to go work with Order.”

Order was a Belgian Draft stallion who was given to the farm by AJ as a parting gift. He was a skittish, not so little thing who stood at eighteen hands. I had his sister, Law, in a stall across from Nutmeg in the barn and because Order was such a large horse, we had to knock down the wall to his neighboring stall, letting him have the reign of the two.

Kevin nodded in understanding then I grabbed the strawberries from the fridge that I had picked yesterday from the garden before walking into the barn where Order watched me with unsure eyes. I shook the bowl of fruit then slid into the pen with an outstretched strawberry to him. He took it from me gently then I smiled, grabbing the brush.

About three hours passed and I was finally able to put the saddle on, but he refused to let me buckle it.

I rubbed at his nose then Elias stated,”He’s beautiful.” I smiled up at him then replied,”Yeah, he is. He’s also a stubborn one.” Order nickered in protest and I could have sworn that he had rolled his eyes at me then I said,”You’re welcome to give him a strawberry. I’m about to let him out with Nutmeg and Law for a bit, get him to relax some.”

He snagged one of the red fruits then offered it up to the stallion, who gladly took it, nearly chomping down on Elias’ fingers. I laughed at the surprise on my new farm hand’s face then said,”Alright, come on, let’s get this guy out in the pasture.”

A full month had passed since Elias had rolled into town and proved his worth to the farm. Order had finally allowed me to buckle the saddle and take him on the trail around the river as long as someone else was riding Law with us.

“Hey, dove, I have to go into town, I forgot the stuff to finish dinner.” Bayley informed me with a remorseful expression.

“But.. but you’re supposed to go on the trail with me today.” I said, my tone becoming sadder with each word. She gave my hand a squeeze then stated,”I know! But I forgot that I needed to go to the store.”

“Hey, is everything okay?” Elias asked, entering from the outside where he had been cleaning stalls. I sighed and hung my head, informing,”I can’t take Order on the trail today cause Bayley has to go into town.” He paused where he was finishing washing his hands then he offered,”Well, I could go with you.” Bayley and I turned to stare at him at the mention of his idea then he finished, ”Sarah’s been giving me lessons on my free days. I’m pretty good with Law.”

My brunette friend shot me a knowing look then I agreed,”Alright, but if you’re not ready to go in the next ten minutes, I’m leavin’ your sorry ass.” He grinned, drying off his hands, then stated, ”Let’s get going then.” We saddled up the horses and led them out of the pen, mounting up outside to prevent Nutmeg from panicking.

The first half of the trail was silent, with just the clicks of the horses’ hooves hitting the ground, then Elias asked,”So what’s the deal between you and Drew?” My head snapped over to him as we came to a stop at the river to give the horses a drink of water and rest for a bit.

“I’m not sure whatcha mean.” I muttered, settling on a large rock after I tied Order to the big oak tree beside the bank. He raised an eyebrow at me and questioned,”Is that so? I mean are you guys together, dating, fucking?” I scoffed, rolling my eyes, then I replied,”None of the above. Drew and I are just friends.” He laughed and settled beside me as he stated,”With the way that man looks at you, I’m surprised you haven’t noticed it.” I raised an eyebrow as I settled beside him then questioned, “Oh yeah? And how does he look at me?”

“Like you’re a five course meal that he’s ready to devour.” Elias informed, cupping his hands together to get some water to drink. I laughed at his statement then muttered,”Yeah, alright, pal.” My phone began ringing in my saddle bag and I reached inside, checking the screen, raising an eyebrow when I realized that it was Sarah calling me.

“Hey, girlie, what’s up?”

“AJ and Luke is here.” I ended the call quickly then rushed out,”We have to go, we have to go now.” He gave a questioning glance but mounted Law without a protest nonetheless. We quickly picked up our speed riding on the trail then when we arrived at the ranch, I immediately noticed the big truck sitting in my driveway. I led Order back into his stall and he neighed in protest, so I gave him a sugar cube so he would keep quiet.

I exited the barn and brushed my jeans off, approaching the front of the house where Kevin, Sarah, and Braun stood with hatred burning in their eyes. I approached them and settling on the porch swing, asking,”Styles, to what do we owe this not so pleasurable visit?” He turned to face me, his familiar arrogance crossing his expression as he smiled at me.

“My my, little dove, you are lookin’ prettier as you age. But comin’ to sweep ya back off ya feet isn’t why I’m here. I’ve got a fine offer for ya, if you’re willin’ to take it.” I gritted my teeth then forced back my well thought out murder scenario with AJ as the star victim before I replied,”I’ve already told you and your head honcho right there; I’m not looking to sell the ranch.” He sighed, in faux disappointment, and stated, ”Three years and you’re still not giving up on this damn place? What gives?”

“I’m not a sellout.” I snapped, stepping toe-to-toe with the smug Georgia man. He let out a fully belly laugh then replied,”Oh trust me, sweetheart, I’m well aware of that. But just be cautious of the company you keep. There’s no tellin’ where a snake might be lyin’.” His blue eyes danced across the faces of my friends then turned back to me.

“Too fucking bad you didn’t give her that advice sooner. Could’ve avoided you like the plague you are.” Kevin bit out, cracking his knuckles in warning. Luke gave a sarcastic laugh then rumbled,”I’ll crush you like a pancake, Owens.”

“Then step to it, Gallows.” Braun growled in response, raising an eyebrow as a challenge or even a warning perhaps. I slid between the men then shoved AJ backwards, spitting,”Get the hell off my property, Styles, before I call in the Sheriff and you know damn good and well that Shawn is still pissed at you.”

His lips twitched to fight back the anger that was beginning to seep through his exterior then he stepped backwards, taking Gallows with him, calling over his shoulder,”You have a nice night now, dove.”

“You lost the privilege to call me that three years ago, you son of a bitch!” I snapped, beginning to charge at him when Elias appeared and scooped me up by the waist, yanking me backwards as he crowed, ”Hang on there, sugar, no need to go for the soccer mom’s head.” Styles’ blue eyes flickered with annoyance at the side comment that my farm hand made then hopped into his truck, driving off like a bat out of hell.

“Sonuvabitch is just lucky that Bayley wasn’t here. She’s been itchin’ to claw his eyes out for the betta part of three years now.” Braun mumbled as he, Sarah, and Kevin made their way back up to the house, the taller man tucking his leather gloves into his back pocket. Noncommittal mumbles answered the North Carolina man’s statement then I glanced down, realizing that Elias still had me by the waist, my feet dangling a good six inches from the ground. I glanced up at the hazel eyed man then murmured, “You plan on lettin’ me down anytime soon?” He looked down at me and gave a sheepish grin, settling me back on the ground as he apologized, “Oh, I’m sorry, my bad. Um… so who was that dick anyway?”

I stared at where AJ’s truck had left minute ruts in my grass then replied, “No one important.” I stepped away from him and asked, “Would you mind putting away the horses? I forgot that I have a few things that I had to sort out for Hunter and if I don’t get it down by Wednesday for my meeting, I think he might just grow his hair long again, just so he can rip it right back out.”

We laughed briefly then separated. As soon as Elias was out of sight, I raced up to the house and snagged a bottle of water from the fridge, chugging nearly the entire thing as Sarah asked, “You’re not going to tell him who he is, are you?” I settled the fourth of water back on the counter and stared at the marbling of the island as I answered, “I really don’t know.”

Braun sighed, pulling out the rum and pineapple juice, stating, “Well, that’s your prerogative but I’m gonna go ahead and say this: that boy’s eyes get bigger than the moon when you’re around and I do believe that you’d be a good match for that boy out there.” I watched out the kitchen window as Elias rushed to help a freshly returned Bayley with groceries. It was obvious that my old friend had seen AJ and Luke leaving the property as she pulled into the driveway.

“Yeah… I know. That’s what I’m afraid of.”

We ended up settling in for the night with a couple decks of cards and alcohol to ease the tension that the two snakes had drug into the ranch house.

“This was a terrible decision.” Bayley hiccupped after our third game of Kings. We played with two decks of cards, since there were so many of us, and the young brunette had unfortunately been paired with Elias as a mate when he drew the eight of diamonds. He had somehow managed to draw the majority of the eights and the man was not shy about drinking on the beer that Sarah had poured him.

“You’re just a lightweight, doll face.” Elias slurred in return, flipping over his freshly chosen card. She went to flip him the bird, only to end up tilting into a sober Sarah’s lap, who just sighed, shaking her head.

“Okay, I think it’s time to call it a night.” I admitted, finishing off my second glass of water. The first time that I was drunk, I had the worst hangover the next morning and from that day on, I swore that anytime I had any alcohol, I would drink at least two glasses before deciding to go to bed. Sarah helped her girlfriend to their shared room then Kevin and Drew bid us good night, the pair obviously remembering that they had some work to finish early in the morning.

Braun and I began collecting the miscellaneous cards that had been flung across the room as Elias put away the liquor that had been brought out for our night of fun. Braun flickered his gaze over to me then muttered, “You should tell him now.” My eyebrows furrowed at his statement and I started to ask him what he meant, only for it to dawn me just seconds later.

“What, no, that’s stupid! Why would I tell him now? He won’t remember it!” I hissed, flicking his bicep as I passed him. My tall friend raised an eyebrow and waited for a few seconds then it dawned on me- that’s what I wanted. I wanted to confide in Elias what kind of bastard AJ Styles really was but I didn’t want him to remember it because I wasn’t prepared for the questions to follow. If I told him while he was drunk, the questions would likely be put on hold at least until morning or I could get lucky and he wouldn’t remember the conversation at all the next day. Either way, it was time to come clean.

“Elias, you asked me about the son of a bitch who came to the house today, right? Well, that’s AJ Styles, the bastard who wants my family’s farm.” I informed the curly haired man, claiming one of the stools that Sarah had brought in from outside.

“Okay, but why does he want it so bad?” Questions were expected, especially since no one had given the poor man any insight on the past AJ and I shared, but I was aiming to give vague answers that would satisfy his curiosity. Judging by how drunk he was, I was hoping that my half assed answers would be good enough for him. I sighed and settled down at the table before I replied, “AJ and I were engaged when my grandparents died and they had it in their will that I would get the ranch no matter what. AJ thinks that even though we broke up, he deserved at least half of the place. But as long as I’m here, that’s not going to happen.”

“Why’d you break off the engagement?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at me. Braun glanced up from where he was putting away the clean dishes then he stated, “Shoulda seen that one comin’, dove. Might as well tell him it all.” I kicked the chair beside me out from underneath the table then nodded at it, offering, “You’re gonna wanna sit for this one, it’s kinda a mind fuck.” He did as I suggested then Braun claimed the seat behind me, prepared to help me through the story that I often avoided telling people.

“AJ and I were childhood friends. Him and his family had moved here from Georgia when we were both youngins and we got along great all through school and college. Even though he was older than me by years, he was my first love… he was a lot of my firsts. First kiss, he took me on my first date, and yeah, he took my virginity. I was 22 when I finally figured out that I wanted to take over the ranch. I had always had a passion for this place and all of the animals and responsibilities that it came with. But I also wanted to ride. Bull riding was my first love over it all and everyone who knew me well enough could acknowledge that fact. But AJ wanted me to quit and I wasn’t willing to.”

I paused in my storytelling, taking a drink of the water that Braun slid me, then took a deep breath, preparing myself for the rest of the tale. Elias leaned forward and murmured, “Hey, you don’t have to tell me. Eventually you’ll be fully ready to talk to me about it and if tonight isn’t it-”

“No… no, it’s okay, really. I need to get this out of the way. Um, so when my grandparents died, AJ tried to convince me to give it all up so we could take care of the ranch. But when I told him no, he uh… He didn’t take it very well. He popped me right in the mouth with a slap. Told me that no wasn’t an option anymore and it was time to walk away from the riding. After that night, I agreed: no more bull riding.”

“But it wasn’t just the thing that I loved most that he took from me: he secluded me from Kevin and Braun, told Bayley and Sarah that I was always busy with the farm. And it only got worse from there. Anytime I would refuse him on anything, he’d beat me bloody, until I was laying on the floor begging for his mercy, apologizing until that was the only thing that would come out of my mouth. One night, I finally had enough. He wanted to talk about who’s name should go on the mortgage of the ranch.”

“I told him that my name was already on it, thanks to the will. Guess that’s what happens when you have one of the best damn lawyers in the town as an old family friend. AJ wasn’t willing to take that as an answer. He decided that he needed another approach, so he tried… he tried to uh..”

I blew out a slow breath and ducked my head between my knees, determined to get my breathing back under control before I flew into a panic attack that would decommission me for the week. Braun let a soft hand on my back then began to rub slow circles, grounding me back to the present, before he murmured, “You don’t gotta tell him the rest. I think he gets it.” I hiccuped softly as tears began to stream down my face then sat back up slowly, insisting, “No. No, I need to get this off my chest. I can do this. Just give me a minute.”

The two men just watched me, waiting for me to say something, then I let out a sob, prepared to reveal the rest of the nightmare that my life had become years ago. I pushed my hair out of my face and said, “He tried to rape me. But he wasn’t expecting me to have my family waiting outside with Shawn for the bastard to make a move. I screamed faster and louder than anyone was expecting and before the sonuvabitch knew what the hell was going on, everyone was inside and Braun and Bayley was ready to commit murder.”

“Shawn was gonna help us hide the fucker’s body while we were at it too.” the taller man rumbled, cracking his knuckles at the memory that flashed through our minds.

“You’re damn right we were gonna kill that bastard.” Bayley hissed and we turned towards the hallway where my family stood. I sniffled at the statement then walked towards the group of people, Drew pulling me into a tight hug when I got in arms length. I wrapped my arms around his waist and began to cry into his shirt as my friends joined our hug.

“Shh, it’s okay, that son of a bitch won’t ever touch you again.” Kevin assured me, cupping my face to kiss me on the forehead. It was an old technique that he and Braun often used to calm me down and admittedly, it made me feel more human. Sarah and Bayley squeezed me into one of the tightest hugs that I had received from them in a while but it was almost like they were pressuring all of the pieces that AJ had broken away from me back together once again. I was their Humpty Dumpty but this time, the King’s Knights had super glue on hand.

I heard the chair screech behind me and I turned to face Elias, prepared for his reaction. When I had told Drew the truth behind AJ and I, the Scot tried to hunt the fucker down in the middle of the night, prepared for actual murder. But what I wasn’t expecting to see, was the curly haired man crying.

“Elias! Don’t cry, it’s okay! It was three years ago… Really, I’m okay. I’ve got the best support system a girl could ask for and with you along for the ride, I couldn’t ask for anything more.” He sniffled and pulled me into a hug, murmuring into my hair, “I’m sorry. A person like you should never have to deal with something like this. I- I’m here for you.” I gave a small laugh and returned the hug. He had taken it significantly better than I was expecting but it made me feel so much better. He didn’t reject me because of my past.

“Alright, I think it’s about time for us to head to bed. We’ve had a hell of a day and someone just had to reveal her tragic backstory to our young buck, so now we’re all teary eyed and blubbering.” Kevin joked, shaking his head. I poked him in the side and we all separated to our respective bedrooms. I settled underneath my blankets then turned on the lamp that sat on my desk after turning off the lights. After everything that AJ ever did, I refused to sleep in complete darkness, in fear that he would sneak in and try to do something while I was asleep.

The next week was a bit uncomfortable because it seemed like Elias was now walking on eggshells when dealing with me. We didn’t speak much, due to me dealing with the harvest that we needed to finish. October has always been the busiest month for the ranch but even still, I figured that he would at least attempt to make conversation with me in passing. But that’s when Bayley came into play.

“What do you mean he doesn’t want to intrude on me?” I asked, crossing my arms. Sarah and Bayley exchanged glances, uncertain on how to explain, then the longer haired woman sighed, answering, “He doesn’t want to push you to do anything. Dove, I think this guy really cares for you and he doesn’t want to fuck it up. Can’t say I blame him. Maybe you can just talk with him, tell him how you feel about the whole distancing thing.” Bayley nodded in agreement and chirped, “I know that you feel the same about him and I’m not saying that you should go out with the guy but you should at least tell him what’s going through your head.”

“Hmm… yeah, I guess that makes sense. Hey, Bays, don’t you have to go into town today?” I asked, glancing over at my close friend. She glanced up from where she was writing something down then answered, “Yeah, why?” Pointing down at the list she had made earlier, I questioned, “That the list of things that we need?” She nodded and handed it over to me without a second thought, clearly catching onto my plan that I formulated in seconds.

I walked out the door and scanned the yard in search of my farm hand, zeroing in on where he was chatting with Braun and Kevin beside the cattle pen. Cupping my hands around my mouth, I took a deep breath and shouted for him, snickering when he jerked his head to look at me so fast that he nearly tripped. He rushed over to me then flashed a smile as he stopped, glancing up at me. I stared at him for a moment then tipped his hat upwards, fixing it to where I could see his eyes.

“Uh, what’s up?” he asked, clearing his throat. I gave a small cough and fidgeted with my own hat as I answered, “You and me are on errand duty. Bayley and Sarah are working on the tractors so you get a day in the town with me.” He grinned at me then chirped, “Sounds like a plan to me.” We piled into my truck and off we drove into town with our first stop being the grocery store. I glanced up at him as he grabbed a car then asked, “Do you just want to shop together or split the list and get our respective items?”

“I think if we split up, we can get this part of the trip done with faster.” he suggested, holding his hand out for his list of items. I nodded in understanding then grabbed my own basket, prepared to zoom through the store for my objects. And it was going so well until I began heading towards our agreed meeting spot. I was walking towards the check out when I bumped into someone, my hat fluttering to the ground.

“Hey, watch it-” Immediately I paused in my statement, freezing when those blue eyes met my steely gaze. Styles grinned at the sight of me and chirped, “Oh ho, well if it isn’t my lil dove. Where’s your guard dog, darlin’? Leave him at home to watch over the cattle?” I snatched my hat off the floor and snapped, “Not that it’s any of your business, but Elias is here with me. Now if you’ll excuse me, you slimy bastard, I have to get back home.”

I began to walk away, only for him to grip my wrist, yanking me back to face him. I froze in his grasp then he murmured, “Good to see that ya still react like this. Now, I think it’s about time that we sit down and have a nice lil chat between the two of us, dontcha think?” I started to tremble in his hold, mind and body both failing to do anything to protect me, then someone snapped, “No, that’s not gonna happen.” AJ turned to face Elias, blue eyes now har, then he chirped, “Well, I’ll be. She didn’t even have to whistle but the dog still came a-running to her side. She’s got you well trained, huh, young pup.”

“That’s Elias to you, bastard. Now, let her go. I won’t ask again.” The two stared at each other then AJ lifted my arm before releasing my wrist, a small chuckle filling my ears as he backed away and he said, “I’ll see ya around, darlin’. We still need to have that chat.” And with that, Styles disappeared into the crowd of people that had surrounded us, clearly eager to see what the young buck had in him.

Elias cupped my face then touched his forehead to my own, murmuring, “You okay there, sugar? Hey, talk to me.” I buried my face into his chest as I shook my head, eager to just disappear from sight, then muttered, “I just wanna go home. I-I just need to get out of here.” He nodded in understanding and replied, “Alright, it’s okay, just breathe with me. Let’s pay for these groceries then we can go home, okay? Come on, here, take my flannel.”

He pulled off the checkered material then draped it over my shoulders before scooping the basket out of my arms, leading me into an empty check out. He placed all of our items onto the conveyor belt then I reached for his hand, giving a quick squeeze. Elias glanced down at me and returned the squeeze, pushing the cart towards the bagging area.

“I’m sorry about that, darlin’. I’ve been there before.” the cashier admitted in a soft tone, giving me an apologetic nod. I inched closer to Elias and mumbled, “I’m sorry that you had someone do that to you. I hope you’re out of that relationship.” He nodded and finishing bagging our items as he answered, “I am. Now I’m happily married and my husband is the best man I could ever ask for. I think you’ve got yourself a good one, if I do say so myself.”

I glanced up at Elias and attempted to lean away from him, only for him to tug me back into his side as he chirped, “She’s my sugar, wouldn’t trade her for anyone else in this crazy world. My eyebrows furrowed then he kissed my forehead, only to turn back to the cashier

to pay for our items when I gaped up at him. Elias flashed a smile to the man working the counter then chirped, “Thanks man, have a great one.” He finished putting our groceries into our cart and tugged on my hand, pulling me out of the store.

“Hey, keys, sugar. You’re not driving, not when you’re like this. C’mon, hand ‘em over.” he encouraged, reaching his hand out for the key ring that was looped on my pants. I unhooked the clip and dropped them into the palm of his hand, climbing into the passenger seat of my truck. Seeing AJ so soon after the conversation that I had with Elias had me shook to my core and I couldn’t help the fact that I was still trembling. He quickly put the groceries in the bed of the truck and joined me in the cab, turning the engine over.

“Elias,” I murmured, causing him to turn to me, “I asked you to come with me so we could talk about why you weren’t talking to me. I know that you don’t wanna push me. But to be honest, not talking with you is kinda killing me.” He stared at me for a while then tangled his fingers with my own before bringing it to his lips and he murmured, “Okay. Okay, I’m sorry. I won’t stop talking with you again. Promise you, sugar.” I slid closer to him and he wrapped his arm over my shoulders, pulling me into his side as he backed out of the parking lot.

“Put your seat belt, you heathen.” Elias joked, but I did as he requested, knowing that I did need the safety mechanism on anyway. We drove down the road like that, his arm around my shoulders and my head on his chest, the sound of his heartbeat echoing around my head. We pulled into the drive and I took notice of Kevin and Braun watching us like hawks from the porch, the men clearly hiding their thoughts from their expressions. Part of me was desperate to find out what they were thinking but another part was begging me not to ask my closest friends how they felt.

We slid out of the truck from the driver’s side then Elias nudged me towards the house, encouraging, “You go ahead, I’ve got these. Go relax, you deserve it.” I dragged my feet as I walked to the house and my oldest friends came to a stand when I approached the porch. The two knew me so damn well, I didn’t even have to say anything about what happened at the store.

“AJ, wasn’t it?” I scratched at the back of my head and gave a timid nod, ducking my head. Braun gave a sigh and pulled me into a hug, muttering, “Bastard’s gonna catch you on the wrong day and we’re gonna be with you for it. You need a nap, kid?” I nodded and Kevin patted me on the back before he stated, “Go on in, we’ll wake you up for dinner.”

“Those sonsabitches didn’t wake me up for dinner.” I growled when I reached the kitchen. The light was now off and a note was attached to the fridge: ‘Dove, I know we said that we were gonna wake you up for dinner, but when dinner got done, we all just kinda agreed to let you sleep. You definitely needed it. Food is in the fridge for your three am meal. See you in the morning, don’t stay up too late.’ There was miscellaneous signatures at the bottom of the note and I could faintly made each name. All of my friends had orchestrated what was supposed to be a measly fifteen minutes into a nine hour nap, something that I both loved and resented them for. I did need the sleep but now my sleep schedule was going to be seven ways of fucked for the next week. Fantastic.

I shrugged and opened the fridge, ready to eat whatever the group had wrangled together for dinner. I scanned the labels of the containers and paused when I read, ‘Dove’s Dinner for After Her Nap’. Rolling my eyes, I pulled the dinner out and removed the lid before sliding it into the microwave to reheat the mashed potatoes, barbeque chicken, and carrots that was made. I stirred them a few times every minute then pulled the container out, glancing at the clock: 2:28 in the morning. October was the perfect time for stargazing and since I was the only one awake, I could take advantage and watch as the stars glisten above my head.

I grabbed a pop and walked out of the house, prepared to settle on the stairs of the porch, only to pause. Elias was sitting on the steps, head tilted up to the stairs as he hummed a tune that I didn’t recognize. The screen door swung shut behind me and he jerked to face me, surprise written across his face, then he smiled at my appearance.

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty, how you feelin’?” I narrowed my eyes him then replied, “I told you guys to wake me up for dinner and instead, you let me sleep for the rest of the day. I’m annoyed.” He slid over and patted the space beside him, saying, “Yeah, but now you look better, so you’ll be okay. Come on, sit, eat, watch the stars with me.”

I pursed my lips at him but sat down nonetheless. They did it for my own good and as annoying as my altered sleep schedule was, I couldn’t be mad at them. I settled on the step and began to eat my dinner as Elias returned to stargazing, that tune quickly returned but it wasn’t loud enough for me to try and figure out who the artist was.

“What’s that song?” I inquired, swallowing the last of my carrots. He glanced over me and smiled then answered, “Sweet as Sugar. It’s my song, why?” I paused at the song title then set my half eaten dinner on the floor of the porch before turning to face him all the way and asked, “Sweet as Sugar? Like sugar as me?” He leaned closer and raised an eyebrow at me, murmuring, “Maybe. And if it is?” I slid even closer then mumbled, “Maybe I like that you wrote a song about me. What’s the lyrics?”

“No lyrics yet. At least, not ones that I’m willing to give you. It’s still a work in progress but I dunno… you just make my heart sing.” he admitted, hazel eyes fluttering to meet my gaze. I smiled softly at his statement then cupped his face as I replied quietly, “Oh good, I was wondering if you felt the same. I kinda feel like our friends have been making bets on how long it would take for us to get together.”

“They definitely have been making bets. I caught Bayley and Kevin arguing the other day over how long it would be until we held hands with each other.” Elias informed me and I snickered, shaking my head, then paused as I whispered, “I wonder if they’ve made bets over when we would kiss.” He cupped my jaw and tilted my head up to him, answering, “Oh, for sure. The sons of bitches are shameless after all.”

“Who do you think is the closest?” Elias paused at my question then replied, “I don’t know. We won’t know until we kiss, ‘member?” I blinked up at him and tangled my hand in his shirt, pulling him closer until our noses brushed, then asked, “Are you going to kiss me then, young buck?”

“As soon as you tell me to, sugar. I’m not doing anything without your permission.” My chest ached at his statement and I murmured, “In that case, Elias, would you please kiss me?” He cupped the other side of my face and pulled me to him, kissing me softly. My lips parted and I sighed into his mouth, delighted in the tenderness that he offered, then he backed away.

“Wait, where are you going?” I asked as he stood up. Elias glanced over his shoulder and replied, “I’m going to bed. You’re going to finish eating your food then you’re going to bed. And in the morning, I’m taking you out for breakfast as our first date. Sound good?” I stared after him wordlessly, stunned that he could be so suave after kissing me, then began to finish eating my dinner, only to pause when I heard a quiet whoop. I squinted through the crack of the front door and snickered when I saw the man I just kissed doing a ridiculous dance, pumping his fist into the air. Ahh, so he wasn’t as unaffected as I thought he was.

Elias was someone who I wasn’t expecting to come along and simultaneously fix and shake up my world, but I couldn’t have been happier to find someone who fit the missing piece of my life puzzle so well. For years, I was unsure on whether I would ever find someone who could fix the damage that AJ Styles had caused me, but now that I had this young buck? I was more than certain that life was looking up.

#elias #elias Samson #elias imagines #Elias Samson imagines #Elias fluff #Elias Samson fluff #Elias angst #Elias Samson angst #AJ Styles angst #Braun Strowman #Sarah Logan #Bayley #Kevin Owens #wwe fluff #wwe imagines #wwe angst

59 notes · View notes

aion-rsa · 4 years

Text

30 Rock’s Best Running Jokes

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

When 30 Rock drew its final breath in 2013, yards of column inches were devoted – deservedly so – to praising the work of creator Tina Fey. Article upon article applauded the characters, cast, performances and seven seasons of energetic, inventive, satirical comedy.

More than anything else though, 30 Rock was always about the gags. It was fruitcake-dense with jokes, regularly fitting in more quotable laughs before its opening credits than many shows manage in a full half-hour. As it returns for a one-off reunion special, join us in celebrating the many, many running gags of its seven-season history, from the fake movies, to the terrible yet incredibly catchy songs, Frank’s hats, and those godawful TGS sketches…

The fake movies

The presence of Tracy Jordan (a bonafide Martin Lawrence meets the Wayans Brothers-style movie star) in the TGS cast opened up the world of film parody to 30 Rock.

Admittedly Jenna Maloney also enjoyed a movie career of sorts, but while she was being offered the part of “any blonde actress” in torture porn flicks by the producers who watched and rented Saw, Tracy was turning down the lead in Garfield 3: Feline Groovy to pursue his serious acting career. The latter climaxed with the release of spot-on Precious parody Hard To Watch (Based on the novel Stone Cold Bummer by Manipulate), for which Tracy received the O in his EGOT plan. Sheer class.

Over the years though, who couldn’t not smile at Tracy’s blaxpoitation-filled back catalogue, from the timeless romance of A Blaffair to Rememblack, to Sherlock Homie, Who Dat Ninja?, The Chunks 2: A Very Chunky Christmas, and last but by no means least, Honky Grandma Be Trippin’. The man is a chameleon (in that he’s always a lizard).

Two of Jenna’s TGS projects however, bring back the fondest memories of 30 Rock’s stinging movie satire: small-town legal drama The Rural Juror (based on a Kevin Grisham novel), and her GE-produced life rights-avoiding Janis Joplin biopic, Sing Them Blues White Girl: The Jackie Jormp Jomp Story.

The TGS sketches

The quality of TGS’ output was never under question in 30 Rock; the sketch show was unremittingly bad (when the absence of their star meant a ‘Best of TGS’ series had to be run in lieu of live shows, Legal objected to their use of the word ‘Best’, and when a review dubbed it the worst comedy ever made, Liz was thrilled they’d defined it as a comedy). Liz Lemon’s opus was a fluorescent collection of fart gags, dodgy caricatures, Jenna’s songs, and misjudged celebrity impressions.

Beginning life as, in Kenneth’s words, “a real fun ladies comedy show for ladies”, TGS was Saturday Night Live’s idiot brother, the unsophisticated thorn in NBC’s side, under constant threat of controversy and cancellation. Forced to synergise backward overflow, advertise parent company products and promote GE interests, 30 Rock’s show-within-a-show satirised both the TV industry and tired trends in comedy (the always hilarious combination of a fat woman who’s sexually confident! Old ladies are crazy! Farts!).

Lemon may have seduced pilot Carol (Matt Damon) with her Fart Doctor skits, but TGS failed to win many hearts. With sketches like Pam the Overly Confident Morbidly Obese Woman, Ching-Chong Man Who Loves to Play Ping-Pong, Fat Hillary Clinton, Bear vs. Killer Robots, Me Want Food, and Gaybraham Lincoln, why it wasn’t more successful is a mystery.

Astronaut Mike Dexter

Lemon may have ended up with James Marsden’s Criss Chros, but fictional boyfriend Astronaut Mike Dexter will always hold a special place in her heart. Handsomer than Dr Drew, less British than Wesley Snipes, less living-in-Cleveland than Floyd, and a million times better than Dennis Duffy, Astronaut Mike Dexter had it all… except of course, a corporeal self.

The fake songs

Over the years, Jenna Maroney’s singing career has vomited up some truly dreadful creations, and topping the list has to be Muffin Top (a big hit in the king-making music markets of Israel and Belgium). Seguing from its pop insanity chorus “My muffin top is all that, wholegrain, low-fat” into a Madonna-style spoken-word rap “I’m an independent lady, so please don’t try to play me. I run a tidy bakery. The boys all want my cake for free”, the song is a battery assault on the senses.

But is it worse than Jenna’s summer dance jam, Balls, which earned her the princely sum of $50 in royalties? Or her computer generated, generic benefit song in aid of an unspecific natural disaster, which urged viewers to donate to “help the people the thing that happened, happened to”? How about the Jackie Jormp Jomp performance she gave of Chunk Of My Lung, written by Jack five minutes before the show, containing the classic line “You know you’ve bought it if life makes you sweet food”? Or Fart So Loud, the un-Weird Al-able song she and Tracy wrote after he parodied the theme to Avery Jessup TV movie Kidnapped? Such riches…

It’s not only Jenna who’s provided 30 Rock’s musical intervals of course. Season three finale Kidney Now! welcomed an eclectic collection of stars including Sheryl Crow, Mary J Blige, Elvis Costello, Moby, two of the Beastie Boys, Wyclef Jean, and Cyndi Lauper to perform a We Are The World-style anthem at the Milton Green benefit gig. Angie Jordan famously released a fifteen-second single My Single Is Dropping, to ride on the wave of her reality-show fame, Frank and Pete’s Sound Mound came up with unforgettable rock anthem Weekend Woman, and in the very same episode, even Tina Fey got in on the action by providing excellent Joni Mitchell parody, Paints and Brushes.

The legacy award though, as in the 30 Rock fake song that will continue to bring joy to the hearts of fans decades from now, has to go to one song, and one song only: Tracy Jordan’s Werewolf Bar Mitzvah.

Frank’s hat slogans

Off-set, stand-up Judah Friedlander favours his ‘World Champion’ trucker hat, the one he claims to have been awarded as the winner of the World Championships of pretty much all sports, martial arts, and that time he karate kicked Chuck Norris’ beard off his face and forced him to legally change his name to Charles.

On-set as Frank Rossitano though, Friedlander wears a series of self-designed trucker hats, each bearing a different gnomic slogan. Often incongruous, sometimes suggestive, and always odd, Frank’s hat slogans are part of the bricks and mortar of 30 Rock. In terms of favourites, we’re quite fond of ‘Alabama Legsweep’, or the laconic enigma of ‘And’, though ‘Shark Cop’, ‘Half Centaur’ and ‘Space Gravy’ also caught our eye over the seasons.

Jenna’s Mickey Rourke sex stories

Like Dot Com’s intellectualism, this running gag may have been introduced late into proceedings, but Jenna’s torrid sexual history with putty-faced beefcake Mickey Rourke gave J-Mo some of her best lines. Jenna’s allusions to Rourke’s sexually deviant and murderous attempts on her life paint a fascinating picture for 30 Rock fans. Here are some of the finest:

“Your new vibe is a double-edged sword, much like the kind Mickey Rourke tried to kill me with”, “Nice try Hazel, but you made the same mistake Mickey Rourke made on that catamaran. You didn’t kill me when you had the chance.”, “I’m going to have to reinvent you. Break you down completely and build you up from scratch. Just like Mickey Rourke did to me sexually.” “Next time you’ll tell me Mickey Rourke catapulted you into the Hollywood sign.” “You know what they say, if you can’t stand the heat, get off Mickey Rourke’s sex grill.” Wise words.

Kenneth the immortal page

To this day Kenneth Ellen Parcell remains something of an enigma to 30 Rock viewers. In later seasons, Jack McBrayer’s character went from being a simple country rube from Stone Mountain, Georgia to the flesh vessel for a mysterious immortal with no reflection, no age, and links to a world beyond our own.

Plenty of reference has been made to Kenneth’s ageless and supernatural state over the years, including the suggestion that not only is he unable to die, but he’s also an angel, sent to oversee the transition of souls from one world to the next.

The fake TV shows

It’s either a credit to the 30 Rock team or a condemnation of our times that Jack Donaghy’s hit reality viewer vote show, MILF Island, no longer feels like a parody. In generations to come, time will no doubt erode the boundaries between fact and fiction, and we 30 Rock fans will be telling our kids about the time we watched Deborah beat her competitors and claim MILF victory in the same breath as educating them about those people who ate kangaroo anuses for public approval.

MILF Island stands head and shoulders above the rest of 30 Rock’s fake TV shows (including TGS itself, lest we not forget), but that doesn’t mean that Gold Case, Los Amantes Clandestinos, Black Frasier, Homonym, or the inimitable Bitch Hunter deserve any less respect. Our fallen brothers, we salute you.

We could go on indefinitely listing the recurring jokes that made 30 Rock great, from Liz’s sandwich lust and desire to go to there, to Jack’s gloriously thatched head of hair and Republican conspiracies. As the show prepares to return, which of the above will live again?

30 Rock: A One-Time Special lands on NBC on Thursday July 16th at 8pm in the US.

The post 30 Rock’s Best Running Jokes appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2WjIevB

#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

5 notes · View notes

todaysbiggesthits · 4 years

Text

The Exam

Best Music Moment of 2019

BC: Three straight hours of this

youtube

in my Chapman Ryder Cup match with Code -The Robert M. Chennault Playlist in my Ryder Cup match with Laser -Vampire Weekend's "M79" with Parks and Rec theme interlude in Pawnee Peytonville with my babe -Late night music game with JD and Chaps this Fall -My kids competing for best air guitar solo to Daft Punk's "Digital Love" -The Stones soundtracking Raceday morning with Counterfeit Kenny and the Kennel Boys

Codem: -Picking up the keys after closing on #our house and listening to Arden's dreams for the pad while listening to the songs that brought us together in the first place. -Perched in the balcony of Park West watching Chromatics live and in person. -The Chapman format playlist that Brendon and I put together. It was just one song on repeat. Xtal - Aphex Twin -Plugging in my klipsch's for the first time in the new house to listen to elliott smith on the day of his death. the sound of his discography wafting throughout the whole house was a true delight.

Bronco: My 6-year-old discovering Green Day. My 9-year-old discovering Metallica. Both discoveries have awakened something in them that is hilarious and awesome to behold. And seeing Tool was pretty flaming awesome.

JD: March: Realizing I’d never heard this Stones song, nodding along to the opening riff, and exploding into my biggest laugh of the year at the first line.

youtube

June: The Joni Mitchell performance in the Rolling Thunder Review documentary on Netflix. June: Catching the Thom Yorke Anima short film at the IMAX theater on the Upper West Side. July: Code and I getting a perfect 99 score on the greatest rendition of “Emotional Rescue” karaoke you’ll ever see. October: Playing the music game WAY too deep into the night with BC and Chap (look for the next day’s hangover on my worst moments list).

Chap: Patrick Stickles singing "I'm sorry dad no I'm not making this up" to his dad in the audience.

Nasty: Listening to music at BOB. Nothing but jams that whole weekend. Driving in with Laser - GOOGLE MUSIC JAMS. Trip to the casino - JAMS. Hanging out on the deck - JAMS. Driving to the course with Blazer Black - Fuck Buttons - Sweet Love for Planet Earth aka JAMS. In the cart with Code - JAMS. Driving Chappy and Sfreddo to the rental car - JAMS (but quietly).

Larse: Greta Thunberg speech dubbed to metal

youtube

Best Shows Seent in 2019

Nasty: The Killers @ Summerfest. Hot Fuss will always be an all-time favorite album and Mr. Brightside is the best pop song of our lifetime, IMO. Also, my wife loves them which is about the only band in middle of the venn diagram.

Larse: The Lonely Island at Summerfest

BC: Dead & Company

JD: 1. The Rapture at Music Hall of Williamsburg 2. Viagra Boys at Bowery Ballroom 3. The Strokes and Parkay Boys at the All Points East fest in London with drunk lads screaming along to the guitar parts 4. B Boys at Union Pool 5. Titus Andronicus at Bowery Ballroom 6. Avey Tare at Market Hotel 7. Tame Impala at MSG 8. Weeping Icon at Elsewhere 9. Priests at Elsewhere

Code: interpol - chicago theater illuminati hotties - hideout it looks sad - subT downstairs robyn - riviera steve malkmus - art institute eleventh dream day - hideout colleen green - sleeping village swearin' - lincoln hall surf curse - subT shura - the bottle

Chap: TA was the only show I saw. It was great!

Bronco: All of them. They were each great in their own way. Aside from Tool I was able to interact with the band members at each of the shows. One I didn't have a ticket for and scored one at the door. One was in the tiniest venue I've seen a show at. One had a surprisingly entertaining opening act. And Tool surprised me with how much I enjoyed an arena show despite being so far away I couldn't see the facial features of the band members. And there was SOOOOOOO much weed being smoked in the Garden that night. And I was with a few good buddies. And I was able to sell my fourth ticket for twice what I paid, simulatenously covering me and my fourth friend who had to bail because his life sucks because his wife sucks.

Confession of 2019

Nasty: I consume more music at my cushy, suburban OrangeTheory workout classes than in my own free time. S/O to Coach Vanessa for having some Girl Talk on her playlists.

Codem: i had more fun listening to stuff that i already knew about than stuff that was coming out.

BC: I saw a Yacht Rock cover band and didn't hate it -I succumbed to social pressure and saw DMB -I didn't realize until the last minute that my favorite album was released in 2018 (Wild Nothing). Removing it greatly reduced my loyalty to my list.

Bronco: I'm losing my edge. I enjoyed way more lady singer bands this year than in any other year.

Chap: Couldn't get my shit together on the tracks list so just posted a random playlist

Larse: Not really a confession but more of a TIL (today I learned), but Raphael Saadiq was an original member of Tony! Toni! Tone!

Biggest Disappointment of 2019

Bin: The National @ Summerfest. From the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel "the frontman was completely detached, even confessing at one point that he was excited to get back home to his family. The result was an incredibly depressing show — which, given the band's dour songs, is really saying something." ... Huge Bummer.

BC: Didn't see nearly enough shows with nearly enough of yous

Chap: Sturgill Simpson... unlistenable!

Bronco: Baroness.

Laser: Modest Mouse opening for The Black Keys

Code: i was really messed up by dave berman's passing. i had tickets to see him play at the end of august. it was going to be my first catching him live and in concert. i had waited for this moment since i picked up american water back in 2003. two weeks before he was supposed to come through town, he up and died. also, much less of a bummer, the chromatics show in miami that Arden and i were going to attend got canceled two days before the show.

Most Overrated of 2019

Nasty: Kanye's shoes

Chap: LEGACY! LEGACY! – Jamila Woods seems to have been highly regarded? Not my thing

BC: FKA Twigs

Bronco: Baroness.

JD: Big Thief

Code: cancel culture

Larse: Mayor Pete

Make it Stop 2019

Chap: In my house, the Nutcracker Suite. It's great, until the 300th time that day.

Nasty: Cage the Elephant (but children, instead of elephant, and in real life, not the band)

BC: Lizzo

Code: lizzo

JD: Memes

Larse: Trump

Bronco: News

Biggest TBH Regret of 2019

Chap: Can't seem to get to more than one show per year; Jessica Pratt in a church by my old place

JD: Missin’ dat Pratt yet Nick!

BC: Should've listened to the Kanye album. Should've spent more time with the Deerhunter record.

Rotty: Skipping CHVRCHES at Summerfest

Code: another year with no fog party

Nasty: Not going to Indy 500. lol jk.

Bronco: I didn't buy tickets to a few shows I would've liked to have seen. One of them I went to the venue and didn't get in. That bummed me out, but I crossed the street and had a few beers by myself for good measure, so it wasn't a total loss.

Detective Murtaugh of 2019

JD: Everything.

Bronco: Shows that don't start until 10pm. That Girl Band show nearly wrecked me.

Chap: How much I loved Bruce Springsteen's adult contemporary western-themed old-man album.

BC: The ten seconds I lasted with 1000 GECS

Nasty: For the life of me - I cannot figure out how to operate the "play next" queue on these apps.

Laser: Lizzo at Summerfest - lot of younglings running around; people were racist towards Lizzo's security guards, she vowed not to come back to MKE, one of the most segregated cities in America :(

Resolution for 2019 Status

Laser: — How It Went: Who can even remember this shit...I'm sure it was that I'd do better at keeping track or listen to more shit people suggest and I'm sure I failed.

BC: Listen to one new album a week; reboot the Classic Album Review Club How It Went: Noooot toooo gooooood

Code: catch ovlov, pictureplane, washer, chromatics, EMA and colleen green live this year. How It Went: i saw chromatics and colleen green. last i checked .400 gets you into cooperstown.

JD: Greater consciousness of how I’m using my attention - an ineffectual and meaningless protest of the ways the world is burning down in pursuit of it. How It Went: Not bad! I especially nailed the “ineffectual and meaningless” part.

Chap: Learn Piano; Guilt Joe Dons into finally inviting me to a concert. How It Went: Learned some piano but got to busy for it... Couldn't guilt JD to invite me anywhere but I DID invite him to a show! The same one I went to! With him!

Bronco: Read more 'classic’ books. I didn’t read many of them, even in school (especially in school? Never could read a book I was told to read). But I’m leaning in the sci-fi direction of 'classics’. I just read Dune this summer, and wrapped up Fahrenheit 451 the other day. I’m feeling an unexplained need to beef up my nerd credentials and this seems the way to accomplish it. How It Went: Nope. Fell back in to zombie-apocalypse genre series that I've been reading for a while. But I am currently reading arch-nerd Neal Stephenson's "Fall; or, Dodge in Hell". It's almost 900 pages, I feel like I've been reading for months now, and because I'm a stupidly slow reader, I read only before going to bed, and can only make it 10 minutes before falling asleep and hitting myself in the face with my phone, I'm only 25% of the way through. But man is it painting a creepy yet eerily plausible scene of the near future. Guy just knows how to write.

Nasty: Hope last year I was smart enough to leave this blank. (editor’s note: [removes shoes, pets cat, puts on slippers, retires to favorite easy chair, sips martini, slowly pulls reading glasses out of cardigan pocket, dusts them off, loads todaysbiggesthits.tumblr.com, scrolls to ‘Resolution for 2019’] “Nasty: I’m sticking with it - get to NY for a show with JD.”)

Resolution for 2020

BC: See Phish in 2020

Codem: i'm making it easier this year. catch ovlov, washer, EMA and colleen green live this year. bonus points: see dom's much anticipated return to the stage.

Bronco: Build a vinyl collection. I know I dumped on Brendon for suggesting he press copies of Carpet Affair, but my kid's getting way into music and listening to it on his own (via Alexa in my bedroom which is super fucking annoying), so we're getting him his own record player and I think it's going to be a cool activity to go record store diving for whatever classics we can scrounge up.

JD: Get to more shows. Take more aimless strolls spinning tunes.

Bin: Send an email about music on the TBH! thread.

Larse: None

Chap: Eh I'm cool

Most Anticipated of 2020

Code: my man dom said that he is coming back to the world this year. i have to believe that he'll keep his word. i'm thinking 2020 is going to be the year for chromatics' Tommy.

Chap: TWOD, Perfume Genius, Jason Isbell

BC: Huey Lewis and the News, Tame Impala, Run the Jewels

Bronco: Kvelertak and Mastodon, maybe some surprise extra Tool material?

JD: Working Men’s Club

Nasty: Spotify getting Jay-Z's catalog back.

1 note · View note

alexconkleton · 6 years

Text

Memories & Inspirations of Templarism: Rouen

During a holiday to Rouen in France I noted the reference to an old temple place on the city centre map in our rented apartment. Knowing that names historically bearing the word temple are all referencing an ancient link to Templarism, I made visiting the location a priority of my stay.

I expected to find some evidence of perhaps a what could have been an ancient Templar castle or keep, likely long ruined or unrecognisable, particularly because of the French King’s determination to eradicate the legacy of the Templars.

I was surprised and very impressed to find a fully intact temple, Temple Saint Eloi.

A church was built on a island in the Seine from approximately July 5th 1228

The 5th of July is the birthday date of Mayan ruler Ahkal Mo' Naab' I in the year 465 and perhaps an early indication of an ancient heritage to the location. It is also a date associated with the celebration of St Modwenna, who founded Burton Abbey in Staffordshire in England in the 7th century.

St Modwenna’s legacy is intriuging and mystical, shrouded in myth perfect for an older association with the beliefs and knowledge that inspired Templarism and Gnosticism. St Modwenna is believed to have lived to 130 years old and raised Saint Oswyth, daughter of Wilburga, daughter of the pagan King Penda of Mercia. A medieval Anglo-Norman text tells of how Alfred the Great personally knew St Modwenna, although he reigned some 200 years later, supporting the belief of her extended life or perhaps that she shared knowledge that lead to a transference of her spirit.

St Oswyth’s mother, Wilburg was the daughter of King Penda, a son of Pybba of Mercia and said to be an Icling, with a lineage purportedly extending back to pre-Christian, pre-Roman, Norse mythological God Wōden. Perhaps this lineage, associations and miracles support further the understanding and sharing of great knowledge and power which has been overshadowed by doctrine, Christianity and the regal establishments crusade for unchallenged power.

The miracle that most caught my attention was perhaps the application of this ancient family power, tutored under the direction of St Modwenna in that after her execution St Oswyth stood up, picking up her head like Saint Denis in Paris, and other cephalophoric martyrs and walked with it in her hands, to the door of a local convent, before collapsing there. The legends of cephalophores miraculously walking with their heads in their hands may be related to the Celtic cult of heads.

The discovery of the temple is started with a view of the a great West window with a clearly marked great heptagram, with a heptagram at its centre.

The central heptagram resembles a star at the centre of a sun, perhaps a child within a God.

Within the heptagram is a flower, representative of femininity and lining the perimeter are hearts to indicate love and the sacred heart.

The dedication of the temple to Saint Eloi is perhaps most poignant as he is predominantly recognised as the patron saint of goldsmiths and this could indicate that this temple, close to the banks of the Seine in an important river shipping city, was perfectly placed for moving Templar wealth in and out of Paris. This may even have been a location for the evacuation of Templar gold and treasure just prior to the issue of the arrest warrant.

On the North side of the temple is another beautiful window featuring hearts and flames appearing to grow from the structure of the window frame and in the wood paneled door below a subtle hexagram, the star of creation in Christianity. The Seal of Soloman is representative of the path to higher spirituality.

Further indication of the influence and inspiration of Templarism is the decorative stone features, including the long reaching gargoyles and the flying buttresses, somewhat reminiscent of other inspired works of stonemasonry of the same period and influence, namely Rosslyn Chapel in Scotland.

The work is signed on the West facing wall by ‘Barbe’, a family of glass painters whose legacy became legendary in Rouen, it is likely that these windows were completed later in the Temple’s life most likely when it was rebuilt in the 16th century.

Further evidence of the influence of the Templars on Rouen can be found on Rue du Gros Horloge. Les Gros Horloge is one of the oldest in France and although it was constructed in 1389, there are a significant number of Templar inspired features.

It is so much more than a timepiece, it also indicates the phase of the moon by the representation at its top and the days of the week in the dial at its base.

More significantly below this in the peak of the arch is an interesting combination of symbols.

The red heart is representative of the heart of Jesus or the love of Jesus and there is a direct relationship between this and the secret knowledge or powers that inspired Templarism.

The sheep represents spiritual living, community or followers and being inside the heart this would represent the followers or community of Jesus. It also represents Jesus as the lamb of God, the self sacrifice of faith.

The sheep has a halo of the Templar cross and carries a cross with a banner hung from it, representing the religious crusade of the Templars and their protection of Christianity through battle and occupation of Holy sites, which ultimately contributed to their understanding or a great and secret knowledge.

The baby cherubs as humans are representative of humanity and the original meaning of a cherub was for the protection of the Garden of Eden a symbol of the garden of human and religious origin and the interconnective balance of humans and nature.

This depiction is beautifully sculptured in the stone beneath the clocktowers arch. A haloed shepherd, almost desperately hanging onto their staff with one hand is reaching down to feed a sheep grain from the open palm of their other.

The detail is superb, the shepherd features a whistle hanging around their neck.

The shepherd and their flock are in front of a detailed woodland, including even the detail of their secondary branches. They are at one within their natural surroundings.

The quality of the workmanship is reminiscent of the masterpieces of stonemasonary associated with the inspirations of Templarism and gnostic beliefs such as Rosslyn Chapel in Scotland.

The inscription reads ‘animam suam dat pro ovibus suis’ which translates as ‘gives his life for his sheep’.This comes from the Gospel of John, and reads: Ego sum pastor bonus. Bonus pastor animam suam dat pro ovibus suis, "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives up his life for his sheep." It is interesting that the piece ‘Bonus pastor’, ‘Good Shepherd’ is missing, perhaps deliberately as a message of perhaps this is a lost piece of the sculpture.

In the lower portion of the frieze there is further incredible detail in the township, complete with chateaux, a mill and a cottage in the woods. The trees of the landscape feature, natural flows of branches and foliage. The human working township, sheep, trees and undergrowth, all depicting the joint balance of life.

Master craftsmanship of stone masonary and art continue to surprise you as you are drawn to look closer and find new images within the undergrowth. Below you can see a close up of what could be a leaping hare or rabbit beside what appears to be the painted head of a rabbit, with even the downturned mouth. Does this indicate that this frieze was once decoratively painted, alive with colour?

Elsewhere there is what appears to a a distant perspective of a person either following a horse as it rears up on its hind legs or is the figure reaching upwards to stave off a rampant dragon?

It is interesting that the sheep at the base of the sculpture look very different to the others, their legs, long necks and snouts, even the way one scratches its ear with its hind leg, they almost resemble more like wolfs than sheep. Is there a deeper message here of the wolves that hunt the sheep or of the balance and co-existence that resides in nature?

#templar #templarism #rouen #sainteloi #groshorloge

3 notes · View notes

blackkudos · 6 years

Text

Oscar Brown Jr.

Oscar Brown, Jr. (October 10, 1926 – May 29, 2005) was an American singer, songwriter, playwright, poet, civil rights activist, and actor. He ran unsuccessfully for office in both the Illinois state legislature and the U.S. Congress. Brown wrote numerous songs (only 125 have been published), 12 albums, and more than a dozen musical plays.

Early life

Born and raised on the south side of Chicago, he was named after his father Oscar Brown, Sr., a successful attorney and real estate broker. Brown's first acting debut was on the radio show Secret City at the age of 15. He attended Englewood High School in Chicago, the University of Wisconsin–Madison, and Lincoln University but did not obtain a degree. He also served a stint in the U.S. Army.

Music

Brown's father had intended for him to follow in his footsteps and become a practicing lawyer. While he did help his father at his practice, he ventured off into other careers, such as advertising and serving in the army in the mid-1950s and writing songs. When Mahalia Jackson recorded one of his songs, "Brown Baby," he began to focus on a career as a songwriter. His first major contribution to a recorded work was a collaboration with Max Roach, We Insist!, which was an early record celebrating the black freedom movement in the United States. Columbia Records signed Brown as a solo artist, who was by now in his mid-thirties and married with five children.

In 1960, Brown released his first LP, Sin & Soul, recorded from June 20 to October 23, 1960. Printed on the cover of the album were personal reviews by well-known celebrities and jazz musicians of the time, including Steve Allen, Lorraine Hansberry, Nat Hentoff, Dorothy Killgallen, Max Roach and Nina Simone (Simone would later cover his "Work Song" and Steve Allen would later hire him for his Jazz Scene USA television program). The album is regarded as a "true classic" for openly tackling the experiences of African Americans with songs such as "Bid 'Em In" and "Afro Blue".

Sin & Soul is also significant because Brown took several popular jazz instrumentals and combined them with self-penned lyrics on songs such as "Dat Dere", "Afro Blue" and "Work Song". This began a trend that would continue with several other major jazz vocalists. Several of the tracks from Sin & Soul were embraced by the 1960s Mod movement, such as "Humdrum Blues", "Work Song" and "Watermelon Man".

Sin & Soul was followed by Between Heaven and Hell (1962). The success of Sin & Soul meant that much more money was spent on production and Quincy Jones and Ralph Burns were bought in to handle the arrangements.

However, Brown was soon to fall down the pecking order at Columbia following a rearrangement of the management at the company. His third album was notable for the lack of any self-composed songs, and Columbia was having a hard time packaging him as an artist. They were unsure whether Brown was suited to middle-of-the-road/easy listening nightclubs or alternatively should be presented as a jazz artist.

He was given much more creative freedom for his fourth album, Tells It Like It Is (1963), and he was back to his creative best, composing songs such as "The Snake", which became a Northern Soul classic when it was covered by Al Wilson, and has featured on several adverts. Despite this return to form, and having been told by the new head of Columbia, that he was high on the company's priorities, his contract at Columbia was not renewed.

Stage and television

He attempted to mount a major musical stage show in New York City called Kicks & Co. in 1961. Host Dave Garroway turned over an entire broadcast of the Today show to Brown to perform numbers from the show and try to raise the necessary funds to launch it on the stage. Kicks & Co. is set on an all-African-American college campus in the American South during the early days of attempted desegregation. The character Mr. Kicks is an emissary of Satan, sent to try to derail these efforts in which the play's protagonist, Ernest Black, has become involved.

This was the first of several theatrical endeavors by Brown, and like all of them, the public was not won over sufficiently to allow financial success, despite acclaim by some critics. His longest-running relative success, thanks to the participation of Muhammad Ali, was Big-Time Buck White. Another notable musical show, Joy, saw two incarnations (in 1966 and 1969) and again addressed social issues. Appearing with Brown were his wife, Jean Pace, and the Brazilian singer/accordionist Sivuca. RCA released the original cast recording around 1970; it is long out of print.

In 1962, he worked on the Westinghouse syndicated television program Jazz Scene USA, produced by Steve Allen. Brown was the show's presenter and it featured a new musical guest each week.

Family

Brown's family members have helped to carry on his legacy. His son, Oscar "BoBo" Brown III, was an noted bass player and musical arranger who died in a car crash August,1996. One of his daughters, Maggie Brown (Singer), is a celebrated singer as well. A Chicago musical review referred to the trio as; "The First Family of Swing." They were joined by the youngest daughter, Africa Pace Brown, in an expanding effort to popularize his music. Brown's first born son, Napoleon "David" Brown, served as inspiration for the song "Brown Baby". In addition, was helpful in handling his father's promotional appearances and business. The remaining family members consist of Donna Brown Kane, Joan Olivia Brown and Iantha Brown Casen who also participated in some of her father's production.

Humanitarian work

He founded The Oscar Brown, Jr. H.I.P. Legacy Foundation to carry on his humanitarian work. He also took part at an anti-apartheid protest rally in Compton College in 1976.

Death and musical legacy

Brown died in Chicago, from complications of osteomyelitis in May 2005, aged 78. Brown's lyrics and original compositions have been performed by a variety of other artists.

Brown wrote the vocalese lyrics to the Duke Pearson melody "Jeannine," as sung by Eddie Jefferson on the album The Main Main, recorded in October 1974, and also covered by The Manhattan Transfer on their 1984 album Bop Doo-Wopp.

"Somebody Buy Me a Drink", a track from Sin & Soul, was covered by David Johansen and the Harry Smiths on their eponymous first album.

"Hymn to Friday", from Between Heaven and Hell, is commonly played on jazz radio stations such as WDCB to herald the start of the weekend.

Pianist Wynton Kelly recorded "Strongman" with his trio in the late 1950s.

Nina Simone popularized Brown's lyrics to "Work Song" and "Afro Blue," as well as his song "Bid 'Em In." Brown's "Afro Blue" lyrics have since been performed by numerous contemporary jazz vocalists, including Dianne Reeves, Dee Dee Bridgewater, and Lizz Wright.

Vocalist Karrin Allyson has cited Brown as a particular inspiration, and has performed his compositions on several of her albums. Brown was scheduled to contribute new lyrics to Allyson's 2006 album Footprints, but died before the project was complete; Allyson instead recorded Brown's songs "A Tree and Me" and "But I Was Cool" as a tribute. Brown's work has also been the focus of full-length tribute albums by lesser-known jazz artists, including cabaret singer Linda Kosut and Brown's own daughter, Maggie Brown.

Published works

Books

What It Is: Poems and Opinions of Oscar Brown Jr. This book includes lyrics to some of Brown's better-known songs, as well as lyrics to songs he never got to record.

Albums

We Insist! Max Roach's Freedom Now Suite (Candid, 1960) - lyricist for songs performed by Abbey Lincoln

Sin & Soul... and Then Some (Columbia, 1960) - available on CD

Between Heaven and Hell (Columbia, 1962) - out of print LP [alternate takes of some tunes appear on Sin & Soul CD]

In a New Mood (Columbia, 1962)

Tells It Like It Is (Columbia, 1963) - re-released with In a New Mood on single CD

Mr. Oscar Brown, Jr. Goes to Washington (Fontana, 1965) [live nightclub recording] - available on CD

Finding a New Friend (w/ Luiz Henrique) (Fontana, 1966) - out of print LP

Joy (RCA Victor, 1970) - out of print LP

Movin' On (Atlantic, 1972) - available on CD

Fresh (Atlantic, 1973) - previously available on CD, out of print

Brother Where Are You (Atlantic, 1974) - as above for availability

Then & Now (Weasel, 1995) - released on CD

Live Every Minute (Minor Music, 1998) (backed by German NDR Big Band) - available on import CD

We're Live (ESP-Disk', 2013) (2001 concert with Maggie Brown)

Musicals

Kicks & Co.

Oscar Brown, Jr. Entertains (one-man show in London, UK)

Lyrics of Sunshine and Shadow

Summer in the City

Opportunity Please Knock

Joy '66; Joy '69

Big-Time Buck White

Slave Song

Oscar Brown, Jr.'s Back in Town

Great Nitty Gritty

Songs

"The Snake"

"Work Song" (lyrics to Nat Adderley's music)

"All Blues" (lyrics to Miles Davis' music)

"Dat Dere" (lyrics to Bobby Timmons' music)

"Afro Blue" (lyrics to Mongo Santamaría's music, sometimes recorded by others without crediting the lyricist)

"Signifyin’ Monkey"

"Forty Acres and a Mule"

"Brother Where Are You"

"Brown Baby"

"World Full of Gray"

"But I Was Cool"

"The Tree and Me"

"A Ladiesman"

"A Young Girl" (lyrics to French song "Une Enfant", by Charles Aznavour)

Media appearances

Negro Newsfront (1940s), radio show

Tonight Starring Steve Allen (c. 1960)

The Today Show with Dave Garroway (c. 1960)

Jazz Scene USA (1962), television show - host

The Dick Cavett Show (1970), with Jean Pace and Sivuca from the Broadway show Joy

Stony Island (1978 film) - actor

From Jump Street: The Story of Black Music (early 1980s) - 13-part public TV series, USA [host]

Def Poetry Season 2 (2002) [poet]

Wikipedia

#Oscar Brown Jr.#10-10 #05-29

7 notes · View notes