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#dumbest girl alive has been haunting me and i get the sense i got my tooth removed and one million dollars are abt to come for me
tigergendermoved · 9 months
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Sometimes I get tired of 100 gecs or I decide (temporarily) that I rather dislike my favorite songs from them. And then I hear a song from them I've never heard before and well it will be the only thing I listen to for the next week straight
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laylacooke · 4 years
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It’s Just Like Lotion, Right? || Raul & Layla
timing: During the weeks the carnival was in town parties: @bloodapples& @laylacooke summary: With Raul’s help, Layla plays an exciting game of Hanyo! warnings: Hanyo tw [you’ve been warned.] 
Layla had longed for something to get her mind off things, but in a healthy way. The last week had been the most heartless and cruelest week of her life, and while she didn’t feel like she deserved happiness right now, she at least needed a break. Hearing laughter and seeing the bright lights not too far off, Layla found herself at the carnival. Paying for a ticket and entering the attraction, the young wolf took in the sights, and then she spotted it; a big catfish monster plush. The thing was almost hideous but had big black eyes and long dangly whiskers that made it cute. It was half the size of Layla’s own body. But as lonely as she had been, she had longed to have it so she could cuddle up with it at night. However, seeing what you had to do made her a little apprehensive, “What the hell is Hanyo?”
Roller coasters were lit up in metal spirals and gyres against the night sky. Tents full of games, prizes, and performances were strung and playfully garish flashing signs. Fortune tellers and challenges for the bored and gullible dotted the inroads between the tents. The Ferris wheel dominated the skyline, a behemoth somehow erected in the space of a single night.  
Raul had been sitting with some of his fellow farmlands at the tent the Salazar homestead had been allowed to set up to sell food so long as the vampires adhered to the Ringmasters' rules. Raul’s spirit had been freed from all remorse and regret, but bereft of a soul to anchor it, his interest tended to wander. Thus the redhead’s plight at a nearby tent had caught his attention. 
“It’s like mayonnaise you can put on your hands,” Raul told her upon wandering over. 
“Be nice little brother,” Emilio chided his younger clanmate telepathically through the bond vampires of the same lineage shared, his mental voice warm with an undercurrent of laughter. 
“Hold back your thirst little brother,” came Ignacio’s sterner telepathic command, his mental presence the cold flame to Emilio’s roseate mirth. “The Master has expressly forbidden us from feeding on the carnival..” 
“Oh lighten up Ignacio,” interrupted Diego’s sardonic psychic voice. “Little Raul is gonna be real polite to ginger chica aren’ you … right Raul?” For all of Diego’s amiable playfulness, there was always a razored edge within his smile. 
“Yeah yeah guys I get it,” Raul shot back to his clansmen mentally before returning his full attention to Layla. “It’s like lotion but...like edible y’know?”  
Layla narrowed her eyes. It was a bit strange, but what in this town wasn’t? As the random guy explained it to her, she paused for a moment to think it over. What could be the worst thing that happened? Last week had taken the cake from assault to stealing a tractor and wrecking it. Pondering the idea of sticking her hands into the off white, thick substance, she looked to the man standing next to her, “And I win a prize, just for putting my hands in this stuff?” The smell radiating off it from the summer heat kind of turned her stomach, considering werewolf senses heightened everything, but she wanted that damn catfish monster. The dumbest and simplest thing that could bring her pleasure in a world full of darkness right now, “Fine. I’ll do it.” She stepped a little closer to the booth waiting for his instructions, somewhat glancing at the other guys sitting at the tent and giving them a soft, but sad smile. “Has anybody won tonight?”
Raul Torres didn’t have the capacity for empathy, at least not since killing others in the blind frenzy of bloodthirst had led a once soft-hearted young to relinquish his soul under the weight of that guilt. Yet, that didn’t stop him from at least noticing the girl’s rueful manner. Raul felt curiosity rather than compassion or concern but focusing on anything other than the omnipresent thirst that gnawed inside of him was a welcome distraction. 
“Not that I’ve seen,” admitted Raul as he leaned against one of the tent poles. “We’ve been handling food.” The fledgling vampire nodded back to the concession stands full of farm-grown food some of his clanmates were running nearby, several of the young men nodding to Layla with toothy smiles.  “So been avoiding getting that stuff on our hands” 
Raul glanced up at the sign above the bored face-mask wearing fellow running the malodorous Hanyo game. “Looks like there's a marble somewhere in there. Find it before time’s up and you winna prize.” 
Layla noticed Rauel’s friends smiling at her. Returning a small grin, she looked back to the booth in front of her. She wanted that prize. And the instructions sounded easy enough. However, the guy running the booth didn’t seem too excited. Maybe that was a good sign. It meant no losing limbs or getting sucked into a world of Hanyo.
She looked back to Rauel, “I’m gonna do it.” The smell seemed like it was getting worse, but if she could stomach it for a little while longer, that Catfish Monster plush was hers.
Taking a deep breath, and gagging a little, she stepped forward. As she slipped her hands down in the vat of goop, the warmth where it had been roasting in the sun all day made her shudder, “Oh dear Lord, what am I doing?” Seeing the masked man flip on the timer, without so much as a warning. Layla started digging around in the thick, off-white sludge. Creamy or moist wasn’t words she had ever wanted to hear again, and she was pretty sure the smell would haunt her until the day she died.
Raul’s senses had all sharpened after he’d woken up in a morgue in Oaxaca de Juárez. He’d previously thought of death as a cold numbness, but the truth was that since rising up as a vampire everything was incredibly intense. Raul experienced the world like an animal predator now, every color, stray movement, sound, or smell so vivid that at first, it’d been overwhelming. 
Some were more intense than others of course, even while talking to this girl Raul could tell she was alive. Her heartbeat seemed to thud in the back of his mind, the warm blood in her veins humming like a live power line. There’d been a time where Raul would've gotten distracted and blushy around a beautiful face framed by autumnal hair that fell down supple shoulders. But now Raul couldn’t help unconsciously seeing the living as prey, a viscous instinct that invariably tainted his other thoughts even if Raul tried to suppress it. 
Of course, those supernaturally keen senses came with other drawbacks. 
Such as making sun-heated mayo all over some chica’s hand smell like she’d perfumed herself up with world war mustard gas. 
“Mierda,” Raul gagged, his eyes watering. “Wait I’ll …” He gave Layla a wide berth while trying to retrieve some hand sanitizer and wipes to offer to her. 
Layla continued to dig around in the thick, creamy sludge. Her eyes were already in tears, and she could just make out the time on the nearby clock counting down. Moving a little faster as she suppressed gagging, the teenager finally found what she was looking for, “Gotcha you tiny little bastard.”
Pulling her hand out of the huge container of mayo, before the time ran out, Layla quickly stepped back and started coughing more than she had originally intended. Full blown tears were now pouring out of her squinted eyes, but any chance at wiping them away was impossible, and she knew if she had brought her mayo layered arms and hands closer to her face, she would surely vomit.
Eyes shifting between Raul, who was looking for hand sanitizer and wipes, and the unhappy worker who had been hovering over the large vat of off-white goop, she slowly held up the marble, “I found your marble. Please tell me that damn Catfish Monster, that’s nearly the same size as me, is mine. Otherwise, I might just steal it and run.” The last part was almost a joke, but after what she had just endured (and was still enduring, until she could clean her hands), she was seriously starting to consider it.
With Raul back in no time, Layla gladly took the sanitizer and wipes utilizing them to the best she could resorting to her only other option when it wouldn’t fully come off; her jeans. She would burn them when she got home.
Catfish Monster plush in tow, she squealed at her accomplishment as she said a quick goodbye and thanks to Raul, his buddies, and the unhappy looking man who had kept score of the game. Despite having that lingering smell in her nostrils, that would probably last a lifetime, Layla happily left the carnival satisfied with her prize and her one game she had played. It was a good night, and one she had needed. And she couldn’t wait to see the look on Indy’s cute little face when she came home with something that was nearly five times his size.
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jq37 · 5 years
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The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 4
Skipper Thistlespring and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
We pick back up at The Swan’s Little Parade where rich people shenanigans are taking place. Gorgug breaks from the group to try and call Zelda. When she doesn’t answer, he leaves the saddest, sweetest apology voicemail ever. Lou breaks. Siobhan breaks. I break. 
Meanwhile, the rest of the group gameplans. Adaine pushes back against the idea that they have to talk to Aelwyn. Her parents are also an option and Aelwyn is not a good person, no matter how hot Fabian is for her. They also check out the guest book from the hotel and see that Bill Seacaster has stayed there several times, always right after a Garthy O’Brien (they see that it happened a bunch while they were in jail and it was probably in conjunction with when Bill was supplying palimpsests). Fabian recognizes the name as a pirate and Cathilda knows they run the Gold Gardens which is a floating pirate casino/brothel.
Kristen tries to release Gorthalax but just confirms that, because of the curse, doing it without messing up Gorthalax is gonna be tough. 
Sandra-Lynn goes to get Gorgug while Fig decides to careen the campaign into Crazytown and make herself Empress for Life of the same. She disguises herself as an old lady and tries to drop off a note giving her phone number as the new number of the cop she impersonated last episode (Detective Decker) so she can send a fully grown cop texts that would def get him Chris Hansen’d irl. Brennan decides that if she’s gonna keep making beds, she should probably lie in one of them for once and comes for her entire life in the funniest scene of the episode. No recap I could give can do it justice(links to clips here: x, x). Just know it ends with Fig running away and ditching her phone in a lake, which could very possibly have plot consequences if she forgets to replace her phone before she’s in a tight spot where it would be helpful and the absolute dumbest/funniest reason for a character death (I want to note that she did replace her phone technically, but with a huge, old, brick phone from Adaine’s jacket that can’t be as useful as an actual cell). 
ANYWAY
Tracker creates a Moon Haven in the van which is basically like a dope pillow fort with the Sanctuary spell cast on it and TARDIS bigger-on-the-inside spatial mechanics. Once they’re inside the Moon Haven, Ragh finally feels safe to tell them what he knows--which he does telepathically via Adaine and the message spell to make everything extra safe. Here’s a rundown of what he tells them:
He saw Kalina on the night of prom after the big fight. She was talking to Jace (the sorcery “teacher”) and an elven woman who looked like Adaine in black robes--Adaine confirmed with a picture that it was her mother. 
After being healed by Porter, Ragh started walking home and was stopped by Kalina who said she would kill his mom if he told anyone what he saw. 
Ragh’s mom Lydia is also a half-orc barbarian. She was on a mission in the Red Waste (where the 7 Maidens have their Sophomore Year quest) and they found a soul gem that was leaking something bad. She put it in her chest to contain the evil but at the cost of her health. She’s now extremely sick and in a permanent, medically-induced rage to keep her alive. She refuses medical treatment because no one can ensure the evil won’t be released if they remove the gem. 
His mom fucking slaps.
So that’s all deeply worrying. Adaine invites Ragh and his mom to live with them in the Haunted House and Fig offers to give them Dr. Asha’s number. Gorgug discovers the Van can become a boat which is convenient for the pirate-y things they have to do (the Golden Gardens is on the way to Falinel so they decide to stop there first). Fig has a heart to heart with Gilear while Adaine and Sandra-Lynn take first watch outside since the Moon Haven can only hold nine people. Adaine has to roll a wisdom save because she’s outside of the Haven’s protection and, even on a 16, the music goes all scary and she feels that something is in the tent with her outside. Something humanoid and her size with its knees to its chest. She senses that if she sees its face, something will happen to her and, instead of looking at it, she calls for Sandra-Lynn. By the time she shows up, the thing is gone. Fig assures Adaine that she’s not crazy or seeing things and, based on Adaine’s description, they’re able to deduce that it wasn’t Baron or Kalina. 
In the morning, Gorgug is pretty bummed and asks everyone to call him Skipper. Kristen is very down and Fabian is very not. They discuss whether they should tell all of the information from Ragh to the 7 Maidens (no) and whether Gorgug should call Zelda (yes). They drive into the sea. Gorgug finally talks to Zelda who is not happy with him for the ghosting and unintentional thoughtlessness. She’s even less happy with him when she realizes he forgot to get the generator they needed to stay in touch long distance. They’re breaking up. Do I mean relationship-wise or phone-wise? You don’t know? Well that makes two of us (Thanks, I Hate It).
They’re at sea for two days and then make it to the floating pirate shipwreck city of Leviathan. Pirate adventures next week, y’all! 
Detention
Fig for Trying to Seduce ANOTHER Middle-Aged Man
Listen, I’ll stop putting her here for this when she stops doing this. Not to mention, she invented a whole ass person (HILDA HILDA?????) when she’s just been told that nightmare monsters are being generated from lies. Fig, my girl. Ms. Faeth. Please. I’m begging you. Please. 
Honor Roll
All of the Adults for Stepping Up
Every single adult in this episode was on fire. Fig confided in Gilear and he stepped up to the plate with a This-Is-So-Serious-I’m-Going-To-Use-Your-Actual-Full-Name, speech. Sandra-Lynn showed Adaine how to do some ranger stuff and jumped in to save her when she cried out. Cathilda was ready with warm milk and cookies she somehow was able to make in the van as soon as Adaine needed them. Sandra-Lynn also had a heart to heart with Fig and even Gorthalax, who’s still trapped in the ruby, gave Fig a spell slot back. And, of course, Ragh’s mom slaps. 
Random Thoughts
Adaine and Fabian both being uber rich but being on the opposite ends of the rich people spectrum is hilarious. Adaine is a “Sleeping in a van? I’ve heard of that but I’ve never gotten to do it. This will be fun!” Rich Kid  and Fabian is a “No turn down service? Hard pass,” Rich Kid. 
I was happy that they brought Ragh along for comedy reasons but who knew he was gonna be so chock full of backstory and important story beats? Like, every good GM has a way of making whatever story path that was chosen seem like the only way the story could have gone and I’m sure that whoever was picked, Brennan would have made that seem like the obvious and essential choices but I’m very happy they picked Ragh. Him talking about how much he loves his mom was so adorable! I love that he’s a big, good, dumb boy now and I’m happy they invited him to live at the Haunted House. That’s def gonna be good for some shenanigans (also love that Adaine’s only stipulation was that he had to be nice to Zayn and he was so eager to agree).  
Insane Ally Move of the Game: Deciding that Kristen genuinely doesn’t know Gilear used to be lunch lad at their school. Is Kristen even on the same plane of existence as everyone else. And then, later, “I worry about Gilear.” Do you really???
I totally forgot that Gilear was not only an elven diplomat but also a full on actual counselor. Makes it even wilder that he lost the job to Jawbone. Also, while we’re talking about him, I said we were gonna inevitably gonna get some more color on Gilear this season and we saw some of that in this ep when Adaine uses detect thoughts on him (which, btw, seems like a horribly invasive thing that people do very casually in this world) and we see that he gave up his career for Sandra-Lynn and then was wrecked when she cheated on him. Really puts a melancholy shade over his hilarious ineptness. 
Another thing I figured we’d see soon and that we’re starting to see is Adaine speaking up on Aelwyn. Two times this ep she tried to steer the group away from Aelwyn and seemed more serious than her usual trash talk. As excited as I am for pirate adventures, I want to get to Falinel ASAP to see how this shakes out. 
Also, on the mom front, wild that we found out that Ragh has a super dope mom in the same scene Adaine took another L and found out that her mom is also involved in this shadiness. Black robes are never a good sign. But I will say, just based on the story beats we’ve gotten, I’m not totally sold on the idea that she’s 100% bad--or at least that she doesn’t care for Adaine at all. I’m wondering if she wasn’t at school trying to find Adaine (possibly among other things). 
“Every time you have sex it’s a gamble. You could lose your heart.”/”What happened to you on tour?”
Gorgug trying to let a full sized griffon land on his arm is hilarious. I love that. He’s so wholesome and dumb.
I love that when Emily was doing her Hilda-Hilda nonsense , turned into Detective Decker, and ran past the police house precinct, Lou was the only person who was on her wavelength and understood what she was trying to do while everyone else was like????
We find out in this ep that Van can control all the auxiliary functions of the van but not the actual driving, which is important to know before a sticky situation. On a more personal note, we find out that he was originally a planetar (second most powerful D&D angel) of Elysium, specializing in harmony, relaxation, and chill vibes and he got dumped and kicked out of heaven for sleeping through a call to battle.
We also get the cursed image of a van with hands which I knew was gonna be the shirt and lo and behold. 
“Fuck Me.”/”When.” Y’all are the worst. 
I love that Brennan mentioned Porter in Ragh’s flashback, fully knowing it was gonna trigger Emily. 
Fig’s new plan is to get all of her parents in a throuple and I don’t even know where to begin with that tbh so I won’t.
@voxfantasma made a comment last week that Sandra-Lynn very well could have seen Kalina which is why she can she her in the photo--which is an offhand comment I made when I was talking about the rules of the photo last week--and Ragh’s reaction to the photo is making me move this theory back up to the top spot. I still wish they would show the photo to more people so we’d have more data for this. 
I loved Fig tossing Fabian a bardic inspiration for a compliment even though he didn’t really need it. I also love that she has a rider in her rockstar contract necessitating gogurt be at all her shows for Gilear. 
Adaine paranoidly casting water breathing on everyone at the slightest hint that they may have to go near water. Our girl is learning from the mistakes of the last oracle. 
With the gang facing off against the Nightmare King and Brennan’s description of the thing in Adaine’s tent as being humanoid, about her side, and sitting in a sort of defensive way, I’m wondering it what it was was a manifestation of her own anxiety or something along those lines. Of course, it could just be a normal ass monster. Sometimes the scariest thing is your inner turmoil and sometimes it’s just a monster trying to bite your head off. 
We also learn that Cathilda has a super wild adventurer’s life before she settled down to be a maid--so she knows what she’s missing and she’s fine with it--and also that she is paid ridiculously well, which makes me feel better about what’s going on with her. Also, her moment with Adaine and the cookies was so sweet. My notes for that scene say, “Adaine loves Cathilda and so do I.”
I loved Murph and Riz going equally Pepe Silvia trying to anagram out Garthy O’Brien (which is also what I was doing, especially since Brennan specifically spelled out the name). Cheers to Murph/Riz and Siobhan/Adaine trying to single handedly keep the story on track--both in and out of character.
There’s a part in this ep where Adaine Ray of Frosts Fig who immediately Hellish Rebukes her and that’s truly the kind of step-sister shenanigans I want to see from them as much as possible please and thank you. Also, like I said before, it was very sweet of Fig to reassure Adaine that she wasn’t just seeing things in the tent. Her catfishing middle aged men aside, she can be very empathetic when she wants to be.  
Adaine cast (or tried to cast Friends) on the thing in her tent. And I think it’s very telling about her character that that’s the spell she would cast and not an offensive one. Not that messing w/ someone’s brain is a super chill thing to do or anything, but I think, “Maybe I can calm whoever this is and talk to them and we can get some information,” is a much more measured reaction than maybe, “Let’s blast this thing to kingdom come and ask questions later.”
“Man van is a boat, my boat is a van.”
Brennan lets Adaine roll w/ advantage to convince the Hangman to come with them on the Van (which he still hates) because she said, “Please” really cute which is the kind of arbitrary DM fiat that I love. 
Adaine: We should tell them unless we’re being graded on a curve. (Savage.)
“Fig, she’s a maid. She’s not allowed to lie.”
All the skipper talk this ep got the Gilligan’s Island theme stuck in my head (never seen an ep but my mom watches it sometimes) so the next day I was getting dressed going “With Fabian, and the skipper too, the oracle, the PI,” to the GI theme song. Also, did not know skipper and captain were the same title until Fabian got all upset and I looked it up. Yet another piece of information I know because of some game (along with what a panacea is (Dragon Quest 9) and where the CDC is (Pandemic)).
Gorgug, being offered a virgin daiquiri: No thanks, I’m driving. (I’ve said this before: Zac low key has the best comic timing of anyone.)
When Riz is angraming, one of the things he ends up with is something about a “night yorb” which Brennan decided is a real thing that both the Hangman and the Van are very wary about. Having the Hangman constantly being like, “SPEAK NOT OF THE NIGHT YORB!” and the Van being like, “Seriously, don’t fuck with the night york,” was so funny and such nonsense. I can’t wait for the night yorb mini boss fight that has to happen now because of the rule of funny.
Gorgug comes down from his call with Zelda and everyone except for Fabian (and probably Ragh who cannon-balls off the boat w/ Fabian and they both have to be rescued by Sandra-Lynn) knows exactly what happened immediately. Aw, buddy. One of my favorite things about media where you have kids saving the world is you have relationship drama and also the world is ending and it all feels equally high stakes. I find that so funny but also it feels very representative of what high school was like, or at least what it felt like (minus the literal apocalypse, obv. Or maybe not. Idk what was going on at your high school). 
Adaine continues lending out Boggy to anyone who needs him.
Also, Gorgug tries to build a cell tower with driftwood and parts from Adaine’s jacket. It’s not going super hot. 
Both Adaine and Riz are podcast nerds and listen to This Solesian Life. All checks out. Their friendship is underrated.  
“I’m feeling really bad and my van is a boat.”
“I was gonna be straight edge except for drugs,” gives me “Sober salad” energy. 
The whole discussion about Kristen getting tracker silly putty for her birthday. 
The Van was serving some serious Ned Flanders energy along with the Owen Wilson energy this episode. 
Brennan does pretty good whale noises. 
Only crit this episode is Fig with a nat 20 insight to know Gorgug’s conversation with Zelda did not go well. Which is something she’d crit on.
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