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kladdagh · 7 years

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Have fun at college - if you’re able

When I started college, I had worked for the summer at a city job where I literally worked my butt off. I think I lost 40-50 lbs that summer. I was also subjected to a lot of abuse for being an amateur, but it wasn’t like I was the biggest idiot, and if your boss is busy trying to find reasons to fire you, then you aren’t going to get positive support.

So while I got told that I didn’t know what I was doing, being on the lowest rank on the proverbial totem pole, it was mostly my job to clean up and make sure everything was locked up, as well as to assist with things when called on to do so. They were jerks, as bad as the boss who fired me before that, because a young patron assaulted me for the crime of standing. The kid did it to get attention from his mom, who was always dumping the kid off on someone else in order to go play video games or watch movies that weren’t kid friendly.

So when I got to college, you saw the kids partying, because “that’s what college is about.” While that is true for some, your GPA does not agree. Time management became my best asset, because as a person with Aspergers, it helps to set a goal for a period of time to get a reading done or study my notes, or even write a paper during the day, before lunch. This got to the point that in my sophomore year, someone who was on my schedule would play rap music while I was in my room, so loud, that I could hear it from their room. The first thing I made sure to have, when I had roommates, was a pair of headphones, so that my music did not disturb them. It really is that simple.

Since I have a problem blocking out loud noises like that, it made it difficult to study, and this was 2002, so there really wasn’t a youtube whereupon I could listen to white noise or something. And of course, like a lot of college students, this guy had a subwoofer; because if we were going to have to listen to his music, we would have to feel it, too. People with subwoofers like that are jerks.

Anyway, so folks who were away at college like this, who did not have disabilities and did not have to worry about money or grades then went about partying themselves silly, because that’s “the college experience.” And I had to deal with neighbors or roommates like that on a regular basis. If I brought up my rights, they often broke any word they gave, shamed me for being a wet blanket, or began mistreating me or my belongings. At one point, while being on a dry campus, where possessing alcohol can get you expelled, my roommate kept booze in the room, because he thought I would roll over.

As college progressed, I realized that these alpha-males who needed to dominate others were extremely toxic, not just to me or others, but to themselves. So I decided to not be like them at all. Every day, some egotistical jerk would shove his way ahead of me in a line, or decide to tell me about what he thought about me or my doings.

As college went on, my classmates went on these long adventures elsewhere, and had jobs that paid for things, and I had nothing. I kept going, struggling, putting in for work and getting nothing. Before I knew it, I had graduated, but because of a lack of accommodations for my disabilities, my GPA was pathetic. Whenever I went out to socialize, it would take me time to decompress, and I was not allowing myself the usual time to study and work on things. When I finished my last course, things were different, and I got to graduate. I studied from home that semester and was able to budget my time. I was also not under the social pressure to fit in with everyone or go out to do things later. So I ended up having more fun elsewhere, even if I felt like I was missing out.

Recently, I started asking for more help when my own efforts were floundering. I had sought help from the county office before, as they help lots of people around the state who have disabilities; and before those county workers had told me there was no future in my field. One county worker wanted me off of his desk as soon as possible, and was willing to only help me find a job at a call center or as an office token at best. My college degree was meaningless, because I am disabled. After sitting down with this county worker, I had to cry, but not from pain. Not only did she bother to look for jobs in my field -which turned up plenty of results- but the average income for someone with my background was $25/hr. I had previously been looking for $17-18/hr, or been willing to settle for less if it brought in money and let me start from somewhere. But over the years, I had been settling for less and trying to start and restart, that it never occurred to me that I could do better.

Hearing that I could be earning enough to really live on, pay off my student loans, and get a career and a retirement going was like walking past a locked door every day, on the other side of which you knew was the avenue to your goals, and instead having to go for one bad job after another. Someone from Sallie Mae/Navient told me that I chose my job, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to pay them (who chooses their job, these days?). Another person from the same company recently told me that I needed to step out of my comfort zone. I’ve posed nude at some jobs and at others have worked so hard that I had asthma attacks and ached for days. There is no comfort zone. People from that company like to badger you, cut you off to abuse you, gaslight you, and find any painful points to exploit. It’s sick, and they should all be hurt in some way by someone else. (Here’s a challenge: if someone says you need to step out of your comfort zone, ask them for their address. If they give it to you, ask them for their social security number and date of birth. Then ask them if it is okay with them to use any means possible to pay off the debt. Then tell them that with their information, you will be able to take out a credit card in their name, pay off the loan with their credit, and they gave you permission. It’s out of my comfort zone to commit credit fraud, but Sallie Mae and their representative said it was okay.)

When you point out that they would get their money if they helped you find gainful employment, they just say that’s not what they do. (They need to leave their comfort zones.) You see these ridiculous ads wherein people my age or younger are living this insane lifestyle with drinking at night, somehow keeping insanely trim, affording great clothing and grooming, while working jobs that somehow afford them tons of cash. That is some Gen-X pipedream when surveys showed that most Millennials live with family or with someone else to reduce the cost of rent and other living expenses. Those people living that way are the exception, not the rule. So I refuse to compare myself to them, because they’re the freaks, the privileged, and the elite. They have been blessed with remarkable good fortune, and not due to inherently more worth or value, but due solely to circumstances beyond their control. It’s too easy to say that life handed you great things, because you were more virtuous or you were anointed. The reality is that you can work harder than anyone, especially with a disability, and not get ahead from where you started.

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My advice, don’t let those SOBs get you down or see you sweat. Don’t swear at them or wish them ill. Just leave them to their misery, so they can get frustrated. They’ll roll over on the bed one morning and look at the hole from whence they tore their own hearts out, and they’ll forget that they had any nobility of spirit. Keep tryin’ and you will find inside you are a lion.

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#ableism #classism

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