everyone always talks about That One panel of Trigun: Multiple Bullets, but i havent seen anyone talk about how fucking BATSHIT INSANE the surrounding fight is
like
Vash & Wolfwood fighting back-to-back, both using the punisher as a shield
(the rest under a readmore bc this accidentally got LONG...)
Vash seeing the shots coming from behind & purposefully not moving bc he knows if he does, Wolfwood would get hit
Wolfwood getting injured too, but not moving from Vash's back. the way he's stanced, it looks Protective. he's doing what he can to keep Vash out of the direct line of fire.
even when he's getting shot up for it, he Doesn't Move. (this also seems to be the moment he got hurt, which leads into the panel later)
& throughout this whole scene, we are only seeing Wolfwood's reactions.
until the girls give them an opening, and they burst out with THIS:
Wolfwood injured, so he can't properly aim the punisher... and he gets around this by sticking one of the leather straps in his Mouth
and then we FINALLY get to see Vash's face again as he grabs the punisher (with a "GAN" sound effect, so he fuckin SLAPPED that metal hand on the punisher).
Wolfwood trusts him enough to just do what he says in the thick of battle, so we FINALLY get to the iconic panel:
which brings us to the aboslute insanity of what Vash is actually Doing.
"DON DON" -> two shots fired for two missiles launched. he literally manages to TURN THEM AROUND MID-FLIGHT (interesting to note that they seem to have internal propulsion, rather than simply being fired by Wolfwood. how many of these does Wolfwood have? they seem heavy.)
he manages to avert the third missile from hitting the dude directly, and instead makes it land Behind him. then the other two missiles, he rests his arm on Wolfwood's shoulders to hit them and direct them behind the other two enemies
Boom.
killing no-one, but showing an INSANE level of fine control AND teamwork.
and in the end, Wolfwood's arm is in a cast, Vash seems either unhurt or hurt but unbothered by it (typical Vash). And Life Goes On.
(forgot to mention before, but all panels are from @trigun-manga-overhaul! thank u for the beautiful pages)
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ok, i cant resist the urge to make a post about it after all, especially since it's related to a post i made prior
one of my favorite moments in trimax is By Far this part in chapter 35
[ID: Two pages from Trigun. The first starts with Wolfwood thinking, "Now that I think 'bout it, it may be one of the major differences between our species." That deep rooted dear I felt on the ship…" He thinks of Vash crying blood and, swearing, wonders, "Is he the one who can save humankind? That monster?" Wolfwood is briefly shown in resolution before someone calls, "Hey, Wolfwood!" and he looks up with surprise.
Vash sits with a smile at the edge of a rooftop, backed by the Fifth Moon and its prominent crater. Vash asks with a smile, "Just coming back now? You're a bit of a night owl, huh?" Wolfwood looks taken aback and wary. End ID]
Right Here. Vash is just sitting there, smiling like normal, but he's got the backdrop of the damage he caused on the moon set Perfectly behind him. it's a glaring reminder to Wolfwood of who exactly he's dealing with here, and that TERRIFIES him.
& the fact that Wolfwood still remembers that moment of crying blood as a moment of true fear. because for all the cheer Vash shows in the average moment, Wolfwood just recently saw him nearly lose control Again (at the Dragon's Nest). the second time he witnessed it, & the third time he would know about.
Vash is a walking atomic bomb with multiple charges. even with how cheerful & kind he is, he's shown Multiple Times that he does not have full control. he is decidedly something different, something Hazardous to humans, and Wolfwood knows this very very painfully.
for all that Wolfwood loves Vash, he is also terrified of him. and at this point in the story, that terror is potent enough to nearly eclipse his affection for Vash.
leading to some of the next most iconic pages:
[ID: The next page starts with Wolfwood standing behind the sitting Vash, his expression hard and the moon bright behind him. Vash seems sad and has one eye open. A close-up focuses on Wolfwood looking down.
Wolfwood thinks, "So easy to pull the trigger. So easy to remove half the problem." Another close-up with bright lighting obscures his face but for one eye. Then Vash turns around curiously and asks, "What's up?" Wolfwood sits behind him and says "Nothin'. Come on. Let's go." Vash seems surprised as Wolfwood scolds, "Don't get yerself tangled up in every little skirmish ya see. It'll be pointless if ya get yerself killed before ya meet him." End ID]
the manga frames it like Vash doesn't know Wolfwood was pointing the gun at him, but I think he did know. he's freakishly perceptive over and over again throughout the story. he HAS to be in order to survive like he has. he'd hear the movement of the gun & sense Wolfwood behind him...
he'd know. i really think he knew.
but he doesn't do anything about it. there is zero fear in his face. he turns to look at Wolfwood curiously, a bit confused, but not afraid. he never once thought that Wolfwood would shoot him. there's full faith and trust there in that moment.
Wolfwood pretends that nothing happened, & Vash lets him. they both move on, not talking about it, because they never talk about Anything of substance like this (not until much, Much later).
overall, it's just such a great example of their relationship's development. Wolfwood's fear & Vash's trust that he won't act on it... it's just. Man.
(EDIT: people have made some good points about how Vash's expression when Wolfwood points the gun at him shows that he probably did know and YEAH that's a good point! & probably why I was so certain he knew lol, I just hadn't realized it myself)
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in the Wolfwood side story of trimax volume 8 chapter 6, we see this visual metaphor:
[ID: Three pages from Trigun Maximum. The first pages shows Wolfwood staring up at a flying bird and carving it in wood. He thinks to himself, "Us humans... We look up at them... and feel longin'. But they may look down at us... and envy how we have earth and shade to escape the pain of endlessly flappin' yer wings to survive."
The second page shows a new scene where he is talking to Maylene. She looks up at a bird in the sky and tells him, "I... used to be an orphan. I've always depended on others for survival. Mr. Priest... How does the world look when you are able to choose your own path?" As she talks, Wolfwood is shown with a resigned look to his eyes.
In the third page, Wolfwood replies, "Knock it off. Look over there." The bird lands, and we see that its feathers are mangled. Wolfwood continues, "That bird... It's in terrible shape. If you could look into its heart, you'd know all it wants is a safe place to sleep, a few scraps of food, and a life of peace. You'd know just how much it would envy yer luxurious cage." End ID]
(all pages from @trigun-manga-overhaul)
even at the time of first reading this, I wondered if it was a metaphor for Vash. at this point in the story, it's just after Wolfwood broke Vash out of the ark. we've seen the horrible truths of Vash's life over and over again... & the fact that at the end of the day, he just wants to live a quiet life of peace.
this suspicion turned into certainty with these pages in volume 10 chapter 4
[ID: Four pages of Trigun Maximum. The first is a single panel of Vash passing by a bloodied Wolfwood with a hand on his shoulder, telling him, "Crush him." In the second page, Vash walks off, leaving Wolfwood to his fight. Wolfwood preps his gun and says to himself, "I'm sorry... Needle-Noggin..."
The third page is a wide shot of the sky, followed by a flying bird just like the ones seen in the prior pages. The fourth page is a shot of Vash staring up at the bird. His face is partially obscured in darkness with his eyes out of shot, but he is not smiling and his posture is hunched. The final panel is blank white. End ID]
... yeah. with the same imagery of the bird, we see Vash looking up at it with a hard to read expression. partially obscured, so we don't even see his eyes, but in his posture and the lack of a smile... you can see his pain. he's only just learned that Wolfwood is dying, and he wants so badly to be able to save him... but he can't. he's forced to accept that this is Wolfwood's fight, so he leaves him to it even as it agonizes him.
looking up at the bird that's forced to keep flying to survive... Vash is that bird. for the first time since he was a child, he allowed himself to grow truly close to someone. he found himself wanting to share a future with him, to share their Tomorrows...
[ID: A panel progression of Vash listening to Wolfwood fight. His face is partially obscured until it's revealed that he is weeping in agony. End ID]
but it wasn't meant to be. Vash isn't a being that can settle down like that.
he's cursed to forever fly.
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ok I don't think we as a fandom talk about the way Vash cries blood enough
we only see it once or twice from what I remember, the one definite time being here ^ when the puppet attack first begins & he's dealing with the emotional agony of seeing so many of his family turn into puppets.
so it's clearly something that comes out only when he's in severe emotional distress.
the interesting thing is that Wolfwood is fucking TERRIFIED of him bc of it.
whatever this moment is, Vash is giving off the same sort of oppressive energy that Wolfwood's experienced with Knives. it's the first time during their travels that he's really been forced to recognize What Vash Is. he knew it of course, saw him in Jeneora, but he's such a goofy guy it's easy to forget.
but whatever Vash is doing here, it makes Wolfwood Incredibly aware of what he is.
so the real question i think is What exactly is going on here? is it unintentional? is it simply a response to the emotional agony?
Vash isn't the type to indiscriminately terrify everyone in the vicinity on purpose. he wouldn't be doing this purposefully out of anger while Wolfwood's there. no, in this moment, he's not even angry at all. he's Distraught.
going from This
to this
in just a moment.
yeah. that's some fucking emotional agony. i dont think Vash is doing this entirely on purpose.
but THEN...
as both Leonof and Wolfwood stare at him in fear, Both feeling his oppressive energy, Vash then lets out some sort of blast that blows against everything between him and Leonof. it doesn't destroy anything, doesn't even injure him, but it's a physically tangible effect that scares the Shit out of Leonof & spurs him into motion.
there may be some anger involved in this moment, but it's not the hair-trigger rage you would expect from seeing his family turned into puppets. it's something Quiet, something almost cold. he's distraught, Resigned, & retaliating just because he has to.
Vash hates all of this. he doesn't want to fight him. he fucking Knows this guy too, knew him as a kid, & none of this makes sense. but he knows that he needs to fight him, & doesn't have any kind of choice.
but he's not happy about it. not in the slightest.
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i've seen ppl talking about Meryl & how little we know about her family, but the geo-plant arc of trigun chapters 10-12 gives us some really useful pieces of info, i think
first, we see her thinking of herself as Cold Blooded, just like the dude that wanted Badwick to kill his own parents
[ID: Meryl stands with her gun drawn and a troubled expression on her face as she thinks to herself, "Exactly as you described him... the cold-blooded type..." In the next panel, she closes her eyes and wonders, "Am I really... any different?" End ID]
at the start of this arc, Milly wrote one of her massive letters to her family, while Meryl mentioned not knowing what she would write to hers. then we see Milly get PISSED at Badwick after she learns he threatened his parents at gunpoint, which leads to this page:
[ID: Meryl, held back by Milly, tells her, "Milly... I envy you... My father would have wanted me to get justifiably angry at a person who points a gun at his parents. That is an important thing." She flashes back to the moment in the chapter before where Milly is attempting to punch the son, Badwick. Milly calls in concern, "Ma'am?" Meryl continues, "But I... I just stood there and took it all in without even budging. I am such a cold person. I chose this path of blood and tears without thinking about the rest of my life. All I can see is what is right in front of me." The page shows the face of the father, dressed in basic battle gear, who is watching silently. Now in tears, Meryl laments, "Why could I not see... that when I closed myself off to him, something was wrong? I..." In the last panel, Milly stares down at Meryl in surprise as Meryl slaps her own cheeks and exclaims, "No... Nevermind!" End ID]
this entire situation is obviously striking something in Meryl's heart. some kind of insecurity she has about her distant relationship with her own parents. she shakes herself out of it, determined to not fall into a funk, and then jumps into defense of the land.
after the battle's over & the father's fallen to his ass, we see these pages:
[ID: In the first page, the father, off screen, tells Meryl and Milly, "There are no words to express how thankful I am for your help." Meryl replies with a smile, "Ah. There's no need." The father goes on to tell her, "Ms. Meryl... I know it was rude of me, but I overheard your conversation earlier. Having raised that rebellious son, I don't know if I have the right thing to say, but... All people are different, but the bonds between parents and children are inseparable. It is a great burden, but also the most precious thing in the world..."
In the second page, the father concludes, "... Choose your own path, and walk it with confidence. All of life... is connected. You must live your own life, and your parents will love through you." As he speaks, we see Meryl listening to him with a surprised expression. End ID]
this entire arc feels like a metaphor for Meryl's own situation. after these pages, we see Badwick turning in the deed, then finding out that his parents were entrusting the property to him after all. he's the problem son, someone who separated himself from his parents due to his disagreements with them (likely stemming from his dead younger brother). yet at the end of the day, his parents still love him and entrusted their life's work to him.
Meryl sees all this go down, hears these words, and it touches something in her heart. so we see her go from talking about writing to her family like this in chapter 10:
[ID: A single panel of Meryl with her eyes closed and a peaceful expression on her face. She tells Milly, "That would be the normal thing to do... especially when I've been away from home for so long. But I don't know what to write beyond 'it's dry'..." End ID]
to this bit at the end of chapter 12:
[ID: Meryl approaches a mailbox with luggage in hand. She slips a letter inside, then sighs with a smile. Milly yells, "Maa'aam! What are you doing?! We're already late!" To which Meryl replies, "Ok! Ok! Ok! I'm coming!" End ID]
the experience was enough for her to accept that she might not be the closest with her parents (or just father? considering she only ever mentions a father in this all), but it's still worth reaching out even if she doesn't have much to say.
this arc is the most we see about Meryl's backstory in the manga, but I think we can draw a few things from it. we have a definite mention of a father, but no others. no mention of siblings or any other family members. she's distant from her father, too busy following her heart & goals, but she doesn't have a bad relationship with him. just Distant. she feels disconnected from him, even Cold, for her focus on her work & the practicalities in front of her. but even with that disconnect, she still cares enough about him to feel guilty when she realizes she's been doing this.
and then considering later, when we see the flashback of a man giving her the gun... i'd assumed that was possibly a senior at her work (probably tristamp giving me that perception, from Roberto), but keeping all the rest of this in mind... it really could have been her father.
i went looking to try to find that part. did not find that one exactly, but i DID find this one from trimax chapter 34:
[ID: A nearly bald man with a kind face and what appear to be shooting ear muffs around his neck tells Meryl, "Consider guns delicate. Women, most of all, should make use of them. One shot will level the playing field between you and a big, strong man." End ID]
if this is indeed her father, it would explain why she knows how to shoot like she does. perhaps her father taught her as she was growing up out of the wish to help her protect herself. maybe they weren't incredibly close, but he still clearly cared about her & wanted what was best for her and her safety. the kind of father that's content to let her do whatever her heart wishes, since her happiness is his happiness.
and then chapter 12 ends with this page:
[ID: A black framed page with a single panel at the center. The panel shows Meryl from behind, running with her luggage in hand. The text boxes to the sides state, "All of life is connected by a river... And the beginning of the river... is now." End ID]
she continues on her own path, not looking back, but she is still connected to the ones in her heart... including her father.
(Manga panels referenced from @trigun-manga-overhaul !)
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thinking about.............. this. when vash calls wolfwood a coward vs his thoughts immediately post-legato.
trimax volume 2 chapter 4 VS volume 14 chapter 2 (pages from @trigun-manga-overhaul)
vash, caught up in his ideals, calls wolfwood a coward for resorting to killing for survival. these words are Cutting for wolfwood, & he spends the next several chapters thinking about them. he knows he can't live like vash does, not as a normal human, bc it would Kill Him. (and, of course, when he does try to follow vash's ideals, it Does end up killing him.)
fast forward to after wolfwood's death. vash is forced to kill legato, and... he has this thought. he thinks back to that time with the thought of, "Did it feel like this for you, too?" we see by his expressions throughout this scene that he feels Horrible for it, the very act of killing going against his staunch moral code...
but he couldn't bear to let wolfwood's sacrifice be in vain, so he killed someone.
and he now knows how wolfwood felt in that scene. he understands the fact that this has Never been easy for wolfwood. it's Never been a matter of cowardice. vash remembers the words he said to wolfwood, now with the knowledge of how much those words must have Hurt Him... and so vash cries.
the worst part is that he can never apologize for those words, because wolfwood is already dead.
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one thing i noticed looking back at the start of trimax volume 12... we get that whole sequence where Vash is standing at the precipice & thinking about his past
i'd like to draw attention to This bit:
i didnt notice it when i first read it, but... that sleeve bit there? he's holding his arm. we don't get to see what he's actually thinking, but he's holding the bicep of his left arm - the arm he lost. considering he's standing in wait of Knives for their final battle, he's clearly remembering the time he lost it. to Knives.
(more notes under the cut)
he proceeds to think through the mistakes he's made and the people he's met... but something noteworthy that I find really interesting is that anime-only characters are present in the lineup.
take these two pages.
it's the sheriff lady and the rich dude from 98 episode 2
the plant engineer from Lost July, episode 6
the fake Vash the Stampede & Frank Marlon (not the other Marlon we meet in the manga, who's his grandson) from episode 3
the boomerang guy (who is in the manga Technically, though we didnt see vash meet him) & the blonde gunman from episode 1. and the dancing girl & her guy friend from episode 11.
all "filler", supposedly, but Vash knows them. the implication of this being that Vash has had some amount of those adventures even in the manga (though the different Marlons makes that part a little more muddied - maybe he knew Frank Marlon in a similar way to the anime, though the girls couldn't have been there in this version if he's the current Marlon's grandfather).
also please just admire this pic of meryl and milly bc i love them so much
anyways.
the spreads continue until we reach this iconic page:
Vash went through his memories of all the people he met to steel himself for the battle to come, but these are the last two he thinks about. The two he arguably holds dearest in his heart, and the two whose losses hurt him the most. He remembers Rem as she was, smiling lovingly down at him. He remembers Wolfwood as he left him. Just a grave.
Their memory calms him. He's thinking of the reasons he's fighting, and they're the most important ones.
Bolstered by the memories of the people he loves and the mistakes he's made, he's ready to face his fate.
(all pages from @trigun-manga-overhaul)
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OK MORE ANALYSIS
towards the start of trimax, we get this little bit here. aka Meryl's birthday, & ALSO when there are official sightings of Vash reappearing. so we can assume that Wolfwood finds Vash again in February (ish) of 0113
this. the beginning of the end. happens on July 21st of 0114, the exact ten year anniversary of the July Incident (July 21st of 0104)
and Vash & Knives' birthday.
which that's a whole big can of worms that's gonna have me needing to run through my fic again for dates bc i didnt realize it was Literally exactly 10 years passed between then and now.
but MORE IMPORTANTLY...
when you think about the dates. between february 0113 and july 0114, that's 17 months. Vash spent 7 ish months on the arc (maybe 8, sometimes they say 8)
this means that Vash and Wolfwood traveled together for a total of about 10 months, give or take.
ten months, largely just the two of them.
i think i need to sit down lmao
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i do love how i Can read the sound effects in trigun. bc even tho theyre untranslated, i can read katakana & hiragana lol. but also my eyes tend to just glaze over them bc theyre very japanese sound effects, so the sound transcriptions arent exactly what i'd attribute the sounds to (just by virtue of being an english speaker)
but like. here, from right to left, we have "don-don-don", "ga-gigi", and "ba-kan". which i can infer what those sounds are... but also it's simpler to just fill in myself based on what i See what sounds would be here. the only real reason the sound effects are useful (to me) are for knowing how many shots Vash fires (like the "don-don-don" showing that vash shoots 3 times)
other examples of sound effects:
"go go go go", "kyuru kyuru kyuru kyuru" (kyuru being the sound of wheels turning i guess, tho i got No Idea what the go go go go is)
"GAN", "do do do do" (a clang, then four shots fired by Vash)
"BA-BA-TSU", "ni-pa", "ba-tan!!" (sound of rolling??, sound of smile?? then a door shut)
see what i mean lol about the sounds being very Japanese? i can read them, but what they read to is still not very useful if you're not familiar with most Japanese depictions of sound effects (like me)
still nice to be able to supplement my reading with my katakana & hiragana knowledge tho
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a note for people who may not have noticed this:
at the start of chapter one, we get this view of Vash's wanted poster. notice that bit there about the murder of "Count Revenant Vasquez"
and then in trimax chapter 37, we see here:
Count Revenant Vasquez.
That's Conrad.
now the interesting bit is that Conrad hasn't died by the time we see that wanted poster. he's currently busy working to revive Knives, then follows him around once he's alive again. for Whatever Reason, Vash is being blamed before Conrad's death for his "murder"
which makes me contemplate a few possibilities. Conrad was present around the time of the July Incident. and not only that, but we see in chapter 28 that Vash was looking for him just prior to July
so like, What's The Deal? "Count Revenant Vasquez" is not "dead" by this point, just acting oddly in his big house. perhaps after July with his disappearance, people attributed his "death" to Vash, along with all the rest of July... but why would they focus on just him, rather than all of July? is this Nightow wanting to keep the reality of July under wraps this early in the story? or was Conrad really That socially important that his death would stand out among all the rest of July?
and another thing to consider is how Vash knew to look for him under that name in the first place. Vash was pursuing Knives at this point, the whole Point was that he managed to find Knives in July, but he did it by following the trail of Conrad. he met Conrad when he was a child, the second human he ever met, so maybe he somehow managed to deduce that Conrad was helping Knives out?
except when Vash sees Conrad in trigun chapter 20
he recognizes him, but he can't place from where. is this his July amnesia getting in the way? the general passage of time? it HAS been a century and a half since he officially met him. but if he knew to look for him by that name to find Knives, he must have known Conrad was following him around... and then perhaps as part of the amnesia of everything surrounding July, Vash forgot Conrad too.
it's interesting! brings the question of how Vash caught wind of Conrad's involvement with Knives in the first place. we do see that Vash has his fingers in information networks (like when he talks to the "shoemaker" in May City to try to gather information), so maybe that's how he found out? which honestly I find fascinating, given that Especially this early in the story, we just see Vash acting the fool. but even Years prior to the start of the story, he shows a level of resourcefulness and intuition that is Very much not congruent with his act of being a "fool".
and then he shows up to confront Knives in July and his plan is to just
show up, point his gun at him, and then... ???? something? which obviously blows up in his face in a MAJOR way bc Knives easily knocks him out & then has Conrad experiment on him.
which. isn't directly related to the Conrad point lol it just baffles me how smart yet dumb Vash is constantly. high intelligence, low wisdom build for SURE.
but yeah! I didn't notice the Count Revenant thing my first read through, so here's this detail for anyone else who might've missed it like i did
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minor details, but in chapter 68 of trimax we do see this bit:
the items that vash kept in his coat.
a "funbari doll" (which i cant find anything definite online about what that is with just a cursory look, so im going to run under the assumption that theyre some kind of collectable in-universe) & it's a red one, which is apparently rare. he still has the same pen radio that connects to his earring that's used waaay back on the sandsteamer. a swiss army knife, a random key, a used tissue (?), and...
a lighter? blow torch? i still cant tell what that last bar thing is tho. & i guess he had some kind of (normal) coin too? but Only One.
love the characterization implications for this lol. definitely the kind of pocket contents i'd expect from a silly immortal with a big coat
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ok something else i've noticed
here, we see the blue prints of the sand-steamer, Flourish
blown up and rotated for ease of viewing, here's that blueprint again.
Notice at the center there
that's a plant bulb, but notably there's only one, despite us getting this information earlier:
a heat-generation plant and a water-generation plant. two plants, but only one visible on the blueprint.
the plant that Vash communicates with is the heat-generation plant, & she's presumably the one visible in the blueprints right next to the control room.
so the question here is: where is the water-generation plant? perhaps she's somewhere in the middle there? wherever she is, she's not in a typical plant bulb like most of them are.
just something interesting to note
(all manga scans from @trigun-manga-overhaul)
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ok not really an analysis post but i cant get over these pages (from trigun chapter 10)
vash just looks so happy & peaceful basking in the atmosphere of the geo-plant. & considering this happens after we see him call the plant on the sand steamer "sister" & we get that shot of him with the wings, we as readers are supposed to know that this is more than just a normal dude enjoying nature
he reaches down, touches the grass, and says with complete certainty that this is a geo-plant, just like from his memories on the ship. it makes me wonder whether he can sense the plant in the vicinity & that's the source of his certainty here.
either way, he's so happy just being here, experiencing the atmosphere of the geo-plant. probably feels like home to him.
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i really find the relevance of July throughout trigun So interesting
in a smaller moment of trigun chapter 9, we see this:
^ this moment. this look. you can see that Vash is projecting like Crazy here, especially considering what happened shortly before, in chapter 8
upon hearing that this is Vash, Brilliant Dynamites Neon asks about July. Vash truthfully answers that he doesn't remember, which Neon is forced to accept
after their duel, Neon shoots a rock away from crushing Vash's head, & then it's revealed that he's been prepared to kill Vash for some time since July. he decides to spare him for now due to the respect he's gained from their duel.
of course, it's not forever
Neon hasn't given up on it, but his honor as a gunman has him staying true to the terms of their duel. whatever his reasons for wanting revenge post-July are, he hasn't let go of them.
overall, i just find it interesting how many peeks we get at the after-effects of July. between Neon, Hoppered the Gauntlet, and the man that was hunting him for an old lady that lost her family in July, we meet so many people that are still affected by this giant explosion from Years ago.
even when Vash doesn't remember it, he is haunted by it. over and over again, he's reminded about it, feeling guilt he doesn't understand. until he Does remember, and the full force of that guilt and self-hatred hits him hard.
genuine shoutout to Nightow for establishing such a giant event prior to the events of the manga & then making it actually Matter. over and over again, it matters, enough to define so much of who Vash is.
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here with another song. this one makes me think of Vash
it's about the Exhaustion. the eternal work to keep going despite the weight on your soul. the way death can sound so sweet in comparison to the current horrors of your life... but you keep going anyways, because there are things left to do.
and you cant even let yourself show that sadness. that Fear. because it's not what's expected of you. you can't show that vulnerability to people, and so you put up a facade to hide it all away.
you're still going, you can still keep going, but you find yourself wondering how much longer this can continue.
not allowed to show it, you just keep moving on.
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trying to piece together the residents of this goddamned ship through the barest of hints
the man who found vash 70 years ago i think was Sensei's father(?) considering there's an old pic of
This. that hair matches the hair of the man who found vash & also the face
and it being 70 years ago & this man already looking in his 30s or so, he'd be VERY old for being Sensei.
i also 100% missed the fact that Sensei did.. die...
this being the last time we see him (i think), among the group of ppl that were turned into puppets. which i didnt really register my last read, but it absolutely would mean he was dead, bc that dude made his puppets out of corpses.
Luida just straight up not answering about Sensei's fate
and then Vash seeing Sensei's face among this dream(?) of People Who Died (which was the first time i'd realized he was maybe not alive, RIP)
so. yeah. Sensei's 100% dead. and i am so sad.
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