#for those of you who don't know my mom is a borderline narcissist who was raised by a COMPLETE narcissist

[heavenly-garden]

I recently learned something.

Those who have been oppressed often oppress others. Not always is the case but more often than not it seems to happen. There are those who want to be oppressed so they can claim victimhood and say they've been oppressed too so they can fit in with even more oppressed groups. When oppressed upon harshly and over long term it causes hatred, bigotry, racism etc. People who don't realize they went from being oppressed to the oppressor means they can still claim oppression and cruelty while also being oppressive and cruel to others. It's a nasty cycle way too many people perpetuate. I was oppressed by a cruel step father for 12 years, he was a pedophile and he forced horrible things upon me against my will and as time went on I developed serious anger problems. I was angry at everything and everyone from the system, to men, to the police, to my community I also hated myself. I hated so deeply that I needed anger management because I was concerned I'd become a liability to the safety and wellbeing of others, myself included. I never thought about how my oppression was causing me to oppress others, I never took into account that I had been a part of a cycle of violence and hate. However, after my step father was gone for good I finally had time to begin healing, taking years of therapy, going to anger management, keeping drugs qnd liquor at bay so I didn't begin addictive habits which were all around me as soon as I stepped outside my door I had accessed to everything from ocean, weed, meth, heroine, pills, free liquor. I lived surrounded by a couple of native reserves where my friends did drugs and drank just to pass the time. Boredom, fear, anger, oppression, these things lead towards a very dark path if you don't become aware of how it effects us. The oppressed feel helpless so they begin to oppress in order to feel powerful over others, and the cycle goes on and on. I witnessed it on reserves where my friends lived and they were miserable and bored most of the time, sneaking their parents liquor and drugs with ease. The accessibility of drugs and liquor is far too easy for minors. People learn disrespect and distrust because of begin oppressed. My step dads mother oppressed him, she had bipolar and borderline personality disorder, she refused medication for a long time because she was in denial and he didn't know he had inherited her mental health issues until many years after and it was far too late by then the damage had been done. His mental illness had nothing to do with him being a pedo though that was all on him but his outbursts of rage, verbal, mental and physical abuse had taken its toll on me and my mom. In anycase I realized I don't want to be an oppressor. I don't want to feel this hate qnd contempt for everyone. No one did anything to me but in my mind once long ago I blamed everyone else but didn't take into account my own oppressive thoughts. I did not wish to be like that so it took over 10 years of work on myself to overcome toxic habits and intrusive thoughts. Don't get me wrong I still get intrusive thoughts but now I stop to analyze those thoughts and question them. No longer a slave to my mind, I seek to only coexist as best I can with the world no, no more buzzing in my head to go out and cause trouble I'm freeeee. I take time for myself when I need it and I've learned to enjoy being on my own instead of feeling alone and unhappy when I'm by myself, I'm finally at peace and became my own best friend, I went from hating myself to loving myself (not in a narcissistic way though) but i've learned to accept I can't control everything, I can't control what others do, I can't control what others think or feel about me, I can't control society. I had to learn to let go and accept it is what it is, time to move on. All praise be to God for helping me through the darkest days of my life. I used to hate so deeply man...it felt like it was becoming a part of my DNA lol. Anyway that's all I had to say, thank you for reading. Have a good day. 💖

#thoughts #oppression #life #pain #my thoughts

[nothing0fnothing]

Your trauma is not going to be healed or resolved if you're blaming NPD or borderline or HPD or ASPD (or any other disorder) for all of the awful shit that happened to you. If you keep trying to confirm those biases for yourself, you're going to poison yourself with paranoid hypervigilance and lateral aggression. It's not healthy for you to be overanalyzing and armchair diagnosing every person you interact with to see if they're a narcissist or something, because that hypervigilance will only cause you to isolate yourself out of fear, and community and new experiences/outlooks are vital for trauma recovery. (Not to mention that none of us can truly diagnose a personality disorder without years of professional psychiatric training).

I'm autistic too, formally diagnosed at 18, and I've watched people call us possessed or abusive or evil or toxic with only our disability as a basis for these accusations, the same way that folks will call people with NPD or other personality disorders malevolent or evil or toxic or abusive with only their disorders as a basis for those accusations. They face just as much unwarranted stigma as we do, but people have convinced us that we (we, as "innocent little autistics") are more vulnerable to this imaginary disorder-inherent abuse than anyone else, and so we've been tricked into extending this awful prejudice to another group of marginalized people who don't deserve it.

I'm genuinely sorry for what you went through at the hands of your mother — she sounds like an absolute monster — but you're doing nobody a favor, not even yourself, by turning NPD into an urban legend abusive boogeyman to be afraid of. It was your mother's fault for choosing to abuse you, not narcissism's fault for existing as a personality disorder.

Hi. Thanks for your support I do appreciate it.

You are absolutely correct regarding NPD. It is a very over stigmatised disorder and its stigma often proceeds it in spaces where those diagnosed can get help. It is so important for us to know the difference between narcissistic abuse and NPD so we don't further the stigma of people with NPD. I see many blogs here that tag NPD on posts about narcissistic abuse for example, and it's wrong.

The truth is educated people know that NPD does not cause abuse, that it is a disorder formed from abuse, that only professionals can diagnose as it is so complex and how an NPD diagnosis does not make a person dangerous, but that doesn't mean that every person is educated and its really important that when advocates see NPD being stigmatised in this way we call it out.

I have also talked about how NPD and Narcissism are not one in the same. Those with NPD can identify as "Narcissists" as a short hand for their disorder, but there is no such thing as a diagnosed narcissist, because "narcissist" is not a clinical term. NPD isn't a diagnosis of clinical narcissism, NPD is a complex disorder characterised by some traits associated with narcissism and mostly traits that aren't. To be a narcissist is to be an egotistical or self involved person, and as far as experts know, that's really not a good reflection of what it means to have NPD.

My mom isn't mentally ill because she abused me, and she's not abusive because she is mentally ill. I'm not going about my life psychoanalysing strangers to armchair diagnose through the lens of my own fucked up experience. I don't know if my mom has a psychological disorder and I don't claim to know either, because it doesn't matter, no mental disorder can explain what she did to me. It's not armchair diagnosing someone to recognise a pattern of behavior and accurately call it what it is. I'm not armchair diagnosing my mom as an abuser when I say I'm a survivor of narcissistic abuse by my mother, I'm recognising her patterns of behaviour and calling it what it is.

A narcissistic abuser is a person so self involved or egotistical that they abuse another person for the purpose of satisfying a narcissistic delusion, not an abuser who happens to have NPD. I'm under no delusions that my mother had this one elusive disorder that somehow made her abusive. My mother abused my sister and I to satisfy a number of her narcissistic delusions. She believed that we, as small children, were trying to manipulate her and deserved to be punished, she believed that we were extentions of herself and thus should be treated however she saw fit, she believed that we were intentionally faking long term symptoms of CTPSD to unfairly embarrass and expose her. None of that is a symptom of NPD, but it is a reflection of unchecked and unchallenged narcissism being weaponised by an abuser.

NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) is not "the Narcissism disorder" NPD actually is a very complex psychological condition that is defined by narcissistic traits and traits that have nothing to do with narcissism. The truth is, and I get a lot of backlash every time I say it, that NPD has very little to do with narcissism except its name.

A person with NPD can be abusive and it have nothing to do with narcissism. A narcissistic person can abuse someone to the end of satisfying a narcissistic delusion and yet never meet the clinical diagnosis criteria of NPD. Plenty of regular people have high levels of narcissistic traits yet manage to never abuse anyone or qualify for a diagnosis of NPD. I understand that even if my mom did have NPD or BPD or HPD or any other disorder that is classified with narcissistic traits, she still could have chosen to not abuse me.

You are right, my trauma and anybody else's won't be healed for blaming a laundry list of psychological disorders for the abuse we have endured. But narcissistic abuse is real, it is recognised by experts in psychology, therapy, abuse and recovery as its own distinctive type of abuse, and pretending that what I experienced, doesn't have a name isn't going to help me, or the millions of people recovering from their abuse every year either.

To recover from our abuse it is healthy for us to find support groups, to collect resources relating to our experience, to have acsess to spaces where we can share our experiences if we want to. It is important for us to have spaces for survivors of narcissistic abuse.

I understand that narcissistic abuse and NPD feel so inextricably connected in the cultural zeitgeist that it can feel like every mention of narcissism is a mention of NPD, and that is a norm that absolutely must be challenged to protect innocent people who have disorders they never asked for. It shouldn't come at the cost of taking away resources, spaces and platforms that help millions of people who are recovering from long term abuse.

#narcissism is not npd #narcissistic abuse #raised by narcissists #complex trauma

[weabooweedwitch]

I feel weird as fuck commenting on your situation in any capacity because I'm just an online rando who doesn't know you personally or the details of your issues w/ your mom beyond what you post and it all just feels a lil too parasocial but even though alleged therapist anon raises some (potentially?) good points about your relationship w/ her and maybe overall emotional issues I don't think you should beat yourself up too hard. It's normal for trauma survivors such as yourself to have some unhealthy and toxic interpersonal habits (slightly side-eyeing alleged therapist for not at least acknowledging this instead of just going in on you). You're not perfect, your mom is not perfect, it's okay we're all imperfect beings on this planet we call earth. Whether or not you're a covert narcissist (not gonna lie I had to google that one lmao) is between you and a personal, ahem, real therapist. Maybe you have some emotional dysregulation issues okay so what? Those can be improved!

Fun story about this online rando I was actually diagnosed with moderate to severe BPD at age 18. It turns out this was kind of a misdiagnosis in the first place, but my symptomatology (namely RSD from neurodiversity) very closely mimicked that of BPD and I had a lot of emotional problems perhaps similar to your own. You mentioned doing a round of DBT when you were a teenager and not finding success, but according to my actual real therapist and personal experiences it's very common for DBT to need multiple rounds before the skills fully sink in. It's also way better doing DBT as a fully formed adult than a teenager who frankly, probably doesn't take their mental health nearly as seriously as they should lmao (this crazy girl shit gets less and less cute with age I'm telling you). I'm now 23 and after 3 rounds of DBT I'm told I don't meet the criteria for borderline personality at all and haven't for a while now. Unfortunately there is a lot of stigma around this disorder (I noticed therapist anon throwing the word 'manipulative' around a bit), but that doesn't mean it's actually true. In many ways BPD is the modern day hysteria, but I won't go down that rabbit hole, just don't pay attention to what ignorant and oftentimes lowkey misogynistic people have to say online about BPD or other mental disorder! They are stupid armchair diagnoses who 99% of the time don't know wtf they're even talking about. You are loveable and worthy of life <3

I slept after work and i have a few asks now so, I'm gonna start this discussion again but since I uh, can get overwhelmed and over emotional I might eventually disappear from answering if u need to step back, but, anyways

One thing I have to be careful about is automatically leaning into "oh maybe they aren't even a real therapist" and I even got an ask suggesting this was one of those bitch lasagna people who were trying to actively make me miserable, which, I don't think is the case, but I also have to be careful automatically discrediting or lashing out emotionally at criticism because, well, a big problem I've always had is not being able to trust my own judgment and needing feedback from other people, stemming I assume from self loathing and anxiety stuff and I technically already am diagnosed with dependent personality disorder which, lack of self trust is a symptom of that (I'm sure I've mentioned that but maybe not?). One reason i began venting online when i was younger was because I would often have these sorts of incidents with my mother and I would use my blogs as the equivalent of an "am I the asshole" forum. I try to have a discussion and hearing other people's perspectives is good, and, a big issue I've struggled with is my mom immediately trying to get personal or discredit other people when they try to criticize her. Like, this isn't me going "see, my therapist thinks she's a stupid bitch" I mean when i was a minor she would literally go from absolutely loving a therapist and thinking they're extremely talented and caring and then when I got mad and repeated things like "hey you know, this is a licensed medical professional saying that a big component of our mother daughter dynamic is that you will literally wear me down to do what you want and you make it extremely difficult for me to set boundaries" and she has, literally, gone "they shouldn't be talking to you about me like that, I'm your parent, oh they just believe you because they've only listened to you, not me"

Well. I had multiple therapy sessions where, sometimes the topic would be dealing with my sister, or because I often feel like I struggle to bring up everything from not remembering, there WERE multiple times she would come into a session with me just to add on behaviors she's seen in me and things we've dealt with with my sister, and I had therapists tell me "yeah let's not have your mom come in here, she kept actually venting about her own issues and she was literally taking over your session and she was actually talking over you"

And im not, saying that to "prove" my mom is shitty or to say "oh look see, im justified" but like. My anger has built up over time? This didn't just magically start happening?

Yeah I need to stop blowing up over smaller things but also at the same time, I think I have a right to be frustrated when I'm seeing the same mistakes over and over, at least the ones that can financially damaging? I'm still SHOCKED she just stopped randomly paying the garage because. The remote isn't working and we have to use the keypad and I think some of the keypad buttons are loosening so sometimes you have to stand there and try it a few times because sometimes it won't close, it'll "untouch" a button you're still holding down and start opening again. And her response to that was "oh they weren't getting back to my emails so I just stopped paying rent" like. She. She literally dug us a hole worth hundreds of dollars for.... feeling entitled to help and getting mad over not getting it? She's been doing these sorts of behaviors for years? (Rm for post length)

Like gee I wonder what would happen if she pulled that shit with our landlord. "Oh, im gonna stop paying rent because the exhaust fan in the bathroom doesn't work" like no???? Why is she doing these things???? I was literally raised in poverty, why is she still doing this after we've had a literal lifetime of hardships???? Like gee thanks for not paying rent when you had solid income and now you're unemployed with hundreds of dollars due, that definitely helps, thanks, that's so much better, what a wise decision 🙄 and I call her out on it and she like, she literally sees nothing wrong with what she did? Because they didn't immediately cater to her, she stopped paying rent in protest, and that's Their fault. Like. That's fucking delusional. What if the property management tells our landlord we aren't paying for the garage and we get evicted??? Like it feels like she doesn't even realize the consequences???

Anyways back to what you actually said, fjfjfjf I rambled there, one thing I've noticed about DBT from the few times I was inpatient and outpatient is. You really do have to be in the right headspace for it to even work. It's so weird because certain things they would talk about and I would go "yeah well obviously, thats common sense" and other things would, kine of create an epiphany. Like for example, a phrase I try to keep with me is "its a process not an event" which basically means "don't get frustrated at immediate growth or results, things can take time" and this can apply to therapy, medication, really you can apply it to anything, but for me personally often when I am not seeing direct or immediate results, I feel like a failure and might give up way too soon, or beat myself up when I Am showing progress, just slowly.

Another DBT mindfulness technique I actually need to practice more (and tbh this could be an adhd thing, bc, I've always had focusing issues and I've read adhd can actually cause emotional regulation issues as well) is, like. When someone is speaking to you, don't be sitting there thinking of your reply, like, literally sitting there waiting for the second they stop speaking to say what you want, because then you're not thinking about and absorbing what the other person is saying. Although in my case often times I find myself doing that because I'm afraid I'll forget what I was gonna say, and my mom could also use a little work in this department

I definitely do think it's time for me to be reassessed though. I feel like now that I'm older and can better articulate my thoughts and memories and how things affect my relationships and ability to function, it can, I dunno, yield more results? Like something I heard constantly as a kid was "oh you have depression and anxiety and a lot of things overlap, let's treat those and see what symptoms are left" and its like homie that's kind of such a bad cop out sometimes, I feel like doctors adopting that mindset in my case really missed some important stuff. Like shit it feels weird to say since the trauma that caused it isn't recent, but I still display PTSD symptoms just in the sense that I'm jumpier and hypervigilant, like if there's an unexpected noise I still physically jump, I get startled easier, just the constant like, urge and need to look towards sounds or survey my surroundings which, I recognize my brain is literally going "hey, keep a look out for DANGER"

Regardless like, me being able to have these discussions with other people, positive or negative, is ultimately for my own benefit. Because this really is a sort of thing I can't do on my own. This IS a thing you take other people's feedbacks and perspectives on. But Jesus like. I'm not saying anyone has to hold my hand but that really felt so personally aggressive and it sent me onto a really horrible mental space. You know sometimes people insult themselves and belittle themselves because they think they're a lowly little worm and they just, they just hate themselves bro, like, it isn't always some inherent attempt to manipulate or demand pity and comfort. I've actually overnormalized saying horrible shit about myself and joking about suicide to the point I say it just, really easily, it comes naturally to me now, and that's definitely another habit I have to break

There's definitely stuff wrong with me, it's just a matter of finding out exactly what and, working towards treating that. It's just, unfortunately going to take some time and I need to make sure I keep my head on straight and don't do anything drastic in a fit of helplessness and despair or anything 😅

#like i dont rven feel like i can reply to these more supportive messages because of the accusations im just. tricking people? #idk... im just trying to be good and its hard. im having trouble controlling myslef #i often have like visceral physical reactions when i get upset like my heart literally begins racing #this isnt oh miranda is throwing a tantrum like im often sttaight up in crisis mode #idk. i just. want to know what to dk

[purplerainbow-butterflies]

been a while since we talked.

tw/cw for mental health, emotional abuse, mentions of bad parenting, and general fuckery by housing departments of colleges

You know, I turned 21 recently. And the first thought I had waking up was "this feels strangely like twenty. I don't like it."

And yeah, coming down with strep throat didn't help. nor did my mother's silence on her eldest daughter's birthday. nor did the post she made on it apparently that didn't bother mentioning her three kids that live halfway across the country from her. the ones she chooses to ignore. after all, she has her perfect family now.

or does she? her husband is a pos who drinks and floats job to job thinking he's all that cause he went to Julliard for fucks sake. her young daughter is okay. but she will not deserve my mom. scratch that, my mom does not deserve her. my mom, the emotionally abusive, narcissistic goddamned bitch she is, does not deserve the two year old that smiles at her every day.

but yet my therapist expects me to forgive her. so below you'll find an open letter to my mom that forgives her. certain information is edited out, just so i keep my identity off tumblr.

dear mom,

i'm writing this on september thirteenth, two-thousand-and-twenty-three. i don't know when you'll read this or if you will at all. but i wanted to say something to you. something important. so keep reading, if only to spite me.

i forgive you.

bet you never expected that to happen right? i forgive you for the years of emotional abuse, the years of fucking with my mental health, being the reason i need therapy today, effectively causing my borderline personality disorder (from childhood trauma) and bipolar disorder (genetic from you). i fucking forgive you for all the shit you did to me. because even though i don't understand why you did it, i forgive you.

i forgive you for it all. and now as i sit, preparing to move dorms at redacted college name I feel at peace with what you did.

but.

but. that doesn't mean it makes things right. i can forgive you but i will never forget. never forget how two years in a row your pride and narcissism meant you didn't wish your daughter happy birthday. how you have abandoned my siblings. redacted names? remember them? redacted name still holds out hope you'll call. redacted name keeps asking about you.

and according to dad redacted personal info

god. i can forgive you but never forget how you shattered my family apart. left redacted name broken and crying, redacted name not understanding why you won't call. and dad, god poor dad as he tries to keep them together. you shattered my family into a million pieces trying to be something better. you are never enough for yourself so you will do anything to be better.

and i can't understand what goes on in your brain to think it was okay to leave them behind. me? dad? i can understand those. I was too much like you, and dad left when you told him to. but them? who did nothing but love you as their mom? you left them.

i forgive you for what you did. but i will never forget.

the rest of this letter is too personal to share on the internet. i'm ending this post here. thank you all.

[legendaryinternetpersona]

A friend of mine who grew up with my ex husband called me tonight. She told me he was always narcissistic, even way back in their teens. And she, matter-of-factly was like "well, you have borderline, of course, because you stayed with him for so long, why else would you?"

I present below, the symptoms of borderline, per helpguide.org, and my commentary on the applicability of same:

The 9 symptoms of BPD

Fear of abandonment. People with BPD are often terrified of being abandoned or left alone. Even something as innocuous as a loved one arriving home late from work or going away for the weekend may trigger intense fear. This can prompt frantic efforts to keep the other person close. You may beg, cling, start fights, track your loved one's movements, or even physically block the person from leaving. Unfortunately, this behavior tends to have the opposite effect—driving others away.

In the past, sure, on the outside it probably looked like a fear of being alone. I have had it very much drilled into me that i am incapable by my well meaning but entirely too anxious mother. During my marriage he would purposely start things, aka drama, when he was feeling bored, including planting seeds of doubt in my head as to his monogamy. So i would freak out and cry and be entertaining (apparently). He was also very hot and cold.

Unstable relationships. People with BPD tend to have relationships that are intense and short-lived. You may fall in love quickly, believing that each new person is the one who will make you feel whole, only to be quickly disappointed. Your relationships either seem perfect or horrible, without any middle ground. Your lovers, friends, or family members may feel like they have emotional whiplash as a result of your rapid swings from idealization to devaluation, anger, and hate.

I don't hate anyone. Even now. I feel pity and sorrow for those who are so deluded as to allow themselves to hate. I don't get to that level anymore. I won't allow it. Someone used to trigger me into deep self loathing for fun but i don't let people do that to me anymore. Now I look at myself like a little baby child, trying her best, after having a lot of really terrible stuff happen to her and being cautious about anything like that possibly happening again.

Unclear or shifting self-image. When you have BPD, your sense of self is typically unstable. Sometimes you may feel good about yourself, but other times you hate yourself, or even view yourself as evil. You probably don't have a clear idea of who you are or what you want in life. As a result, you may frequently change jobs, friends, lovers, religion, values, goals, or even sexual identity.

I used to be a mom. Now I'm not. I never made anything else of myself and he took that one thing away from me. Of course my self image is unstable. I never got the opportunity to build one in the first place, independent of my role as a parent. I've spent my whole life having a whole heap of people who don't actually know me tell me they know me better than i know me and then explaining me to me, near universally incorrectly, and refusing to accept the ego injury of being told they're wrong. As someone who tries to see the wisdom in the words of every fool this gets very tiresome as there are a great many fools in the world. Fools that insist their egos be stroked and their insecurities placated in every interaction.

Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors. If you have BPD, you may engage in harmful, sensation-seeking behaviors, especially when you're upset. You may impulsively spend money you can't afford, binge eat, drive recklessly, shoplift, engage in risky sex, or overdo it with drugs or alcohol. These risky behaviors may help you feel better in the moment, but they hurt you and those around you over the long-term.

This one is a kinda. But I'm looking at nicotine, delta vapes, and yarn as impulsive and self destructive, even though i can theoretically sell what i make with the yarn, i can't really afford it.

Self-harm. Suicidal behavior and deliberate self-harm is common in people with BPD. Suicidal behavior includes thinking about suicide, making suicidal gestures or threats, or actually carrying out a suicide attempt. Self-harm encompasses all other attempts to hurt yourself without suicidal intent. Common forms of self-harm include cutting and burning.

Does nicotine count as self harm? I feel like it should. Not eating on the regular is another problem that could be considered self harm if you're looking at it from that angle. I haven't wanted to die at all since i determined i couldn't leave my kids to only have him as their parent, and them as their only family. I just need to get clean stable housing of my own, and while that *feels* impossible at times, i know it's not impossible. And it's only when all hope is lost that i could/ would even consider it, and there's *always* hope. As long as there is air in my lungs and in theirs. And once they have passed on, if I remain, I will find another purpose. So, really, this one is not a worry at all.

Extreme emotional swings. Unstable emotions and moods are common with BPD. One moment, you may feel happy, and the next, despondent. Little things that other people brush off can send you into an emotional tailspin. These mood swings are intense, but they tend to pass fairly quickly (unlike the emotional swings of depression or bipolar disorder), usually lasting just a few minutes or hours.

I don't have this. At all. I have emotions, but I'm not big or scary with them. I don't yell or throw things or carry on like a lunatic. I don't try to keep fights going. I try to resolve them, to determine their root cause and attack the cause so we can avoid future fights. I emote but I don't get riled up with anger unless I'm pushed, repeatedly, and with force. I get scared easily and simply need reassurance that I'm safe and we're all going to remain safe when other's moods are bad, but eventually that passes as I learn to trust the words because the actions line up.

Chronic feelings of emptiness. People with BPD often talk about feeling empty, as if there's a hole or a void inside them. At the extreme, you may feel as if you're “nothing” or “nobody.” This feeling is uncomfortable, so you may try to fill the void with things like drugs, food, or sex. But nothing feels truly satisfying.

All I ever was was a mother. That's all i was ever good at, and he destroyed that, in me, and then with them. I feel like now that that has been taken from me, i *am* empty. But it's perfectly reasonable and rational for me to feel that way. And I'm working to refill my insides with things that can't be stolen from me. So I had a void...

Explosive anger. If you have BPD, you may struggle with intense anger and a short temper. You may also have trouble controlling yourself once the fuse is lit—yelling, throwing things, or becoming completely consumed by rage. It's important to note that this anger isn't always directed outwards. You may spend a lot of time feeling angry at yourself.

I don't have this one either. I simply get a bit frustrated when someone who doesn't know me supposes to tell me about myself and misconstrues me, my intentions, my mindset, and my morals and then tells me i am lying when i attempt to correct them. Or when they keep interrupting me over and over to sidetrack or just not listen. These individuals are near universally male in my experience.

Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality. People with BPD often struggle with paranoia or suspicious thoughts about others' motives. When under stress, you may even lose touch with reality—an experience known as dissociation. You may feel foggy, spaced out, or as if you're outside your own body.

I have very good reasons, grounded solidly in facts, for my distrust of others, especially those in positions of power or authority. I don't lose touch with reality. I am firmly and keenly aware of the here and now. I lose time in social media and books and crochet and tv (when i watch it, which is rare), but that's different. I do have a hard time reading faces, or I have a hard time trusting my interpretations of faces, and thus my instincts. But im working on all of that.

What do you think? I don't think this is me.