#god this is such a pity party lmao. pathetic ass. whats wrong with you alphie why are you like this

[alphiebetsoup]

still on the floor lads

#txt #did not think it would turn into one of those nights but idk what i expected ive been goin thru it #it feels too weird and too much like begging for attention to outright ask but. i genuinely dont understand what people see in me #like why they like me or why they want me around im not special or anything. im not particularly good at anything #or really outstanding as like. a person. im just sort of Here i guess #i dont even really mean it in a self deprecating way im just. it confuses me. like of all people why me #i just am absolutely fucking stumped whenever i try and come up with any good qualities about myself or why i would be worth keeping around #and like i said i hate hate HATE asking people about it it makes me feel shitty. even talking about it like this feels wrong #i just. need to get it out of my head #and even when people HAVE told me things they like about me im just like..... ???? #because i cannot believe what theyre saying i cant see those qualities in myself #idk. idk. it makes me feel shitty and it makes me feel like im just tricking peoplw into keeping me around #maybe ive just spent too much of my life on people who fucking hated me lmao #*to the tune of the maybelline jingle* maybe hes born with it. maybe hes traumatized #it just scares me. people always seem to realize im not all that and leave eventually #so im always just waiting for that other shoe to drop #and THAT makes me feel bad too because i know i have friends who are better than that i just. cant shake that fear #i just. dont feel like im worth the amount of trouble it is to care about me #god this is such a pity party lmao. pathetic ass. whats wrong with you alphie why are you like this #i need to sleep #vent