#guys. emotionally self harming isn’t helping. you don’t need punishment. breathe and think through things.

[proudfreakmetarusonniku]

but also like. guys you don’t need to leave the minecraft youtube community bc one person is bad to clarify. like. shelby is a minecraft youtuber. a lot of her friends are minecraft youtubers. those friends are supportive and as far as we know all believe her. the vast majority of minecraft youtubers are like. fine. this shit is something that Happens because Abusers are Manipulative, going to another hobby will Not shield you from anything and you’re not immoral for liking something bad people also liked. which is. one of the biggest video games ever. like in this situation no one was knowingly harbouring an abuser and it seems everyone was supportive. this is just a case of some people being shit, not anything to do with mcyt. hell, the guy hasn’t been on minecraft in like a year lmao.

i fully understand why the content might be uncomfortable to you guys now but like, please don’t self flagellate and cut yourself off from an entire genre of media because of one guy again. i saw that happen after the dream stuff and a lot of people ended up losing important things because they made rash decisions and felt like they Had to leave. but please. take one deep fucking breath. this has happened before. this has happened so much before, and in ways far worse than this. because abusers, unfortunately, exist. you should not feel guilty for being manipulated by a manipulative abuser, don’t blame yourself. do what you have to, but please, please keep in mind that the majority of minecraft youtube is fine. it is fine to continue engaging with it. it’s fine to be manipulated by an abuser and it’s not your fault. please don’t make rash decisions and end up losing things you care deeply about and being unable to get them back. distance yourself all you want, but please be careful to not do so out of emotional self harm from the guilt. that’s something this fandom encourages far too much- even outside of this- and it’s unhealthy and anyone expecting it of you is cruel.

#mcyt #abuse tw #i guess this is discourse idk but like #this happened two years ago and the amount of people who realised cutting themselves off from All mcyt was self harm and came back #only to have lost a lot of content they created and valued because they wanted to punish themselves for trusting a predator #and like. you’re victim blaming yourself. obviously you are not anywhere near as much a victim as The victim #but being manipulated into supporting abusers is still something that is an action they take to harm others #Being used as a tool to silence others unknowingly is a cruel thing and can be traumatic to go through #its honestly really concerning as someone working on their own emotional self harm to see it. like this isn’t about anyone in specific but #guys. emotionally self harming isn’t helping. you don’t need punishment. breathe and think through things.

[thehuggamugcafe]

“I’ve Never Been in Love or Been Alone.”

Welcome back Barista! Here’s something that I’ve been working on and hope you enjoy, and than you for everything you do.

-Rose :)

He wondered how he got himself into this. It wasn’t that he was at a bad place in his life at the moment, or that he was even unhappy with how it turned out. It was more confusing to him, if you call it that.

He wondered what he did to deserve a life like this, a life where he wasn’t stuck in a jail cell from doing something stupid one too many times for it to be considered an accident, even though he knew what he was doing from the start, only faking a punishment that was laid out from the start. He thought that was the life that was predestined for him, payback for all the wrong he has ever done in his life. A payback for all the destruction he caused to himself, starting from the inside and working his way out, soon contaminating the people he was around, the people he cared about.

Then there was her. The female who acted much older than she was, her eyes full of sincerity and seriousness that the male couldn’t imitate if he tried with all his strength. She was the one that was there when no one else was, the one who promised to help him turn his life around, pushing away personal issues to help him through times he didn’t think he would make it out alive, let alone stable in any meaning of the word.

She was far too nice, too caring to be with someone like him. He saw the glances that the female got whenever he was brought up in a conversation, glances that held caution for her, unspoken advice as to not get too close, let him in, because he could ruin her that way, the spark in her eyes able to disappear by his hand if he wished.

(He’s brought this to the female’s attention multiple times, her just laughing it off as some kind of joke. “But you know better than that. You’re not some sort of caged animal that deserves punishment, you’re human. And humans can control their actions, no matter how much they wish not to.”)

He gave her credit. Credit for not ditching him when everyone else did after losing his cool one too many times, her always being there the instant he called her name, reassurance in her gaze even if she hadn’t spoke a word, a kind smile on her face as she picked up broken pieces of glass, bandaging up bloody knuckles and making sure he was alright, that reassurance telling him she would do it again if he needed. She claimed that it didn’t affect her, it didn’t upset her when she was screamed at and told to leave him alone, but they both knew she was lying through gritted teeth.

He saw the fear in her eyes as he lashed out one night, him almost landing a punch on her small figure out of frustration and anger, him not understanding why she stayed when she could be doing anything else, something that would be more beneficial to her. He saw her as she backed up slowly, her whole body shaking as she held her hands up in surrender, tears spilling out of dark eyes as she struggled to breathe, her begging with a cracking voice to not hurt her, her seeing a man that resembled the person in her nightmares, not him. He just watched as she struggled to calm herself down, nails digging into palms as a way to mask the anxiety and fear, him wanting to help but unable to due to fear, the fear that he would hurt her even more, the fear that he would take away the reason he was so attached to her in the first place, him making her an empty shell of what he loved about her.

He wasn’t used to relying on people, especially people like her. He was used to coping through drugs and self medication to get him through nights like those, nights where he lost himself completely. He wasn’t used to having a safety net so to speak, something that would break his fall when he thought he was alone, her helping him put himself back together.

Part of him longed to return the favor, and help her through things she was struggling to much with, her balancing multiple things on an already broken body that wouldn’t hold out much longer if she continued down the path of destruction that she had to pull him out of. Even without him on top of things she was already cracking at the seams, long work days turning into even longer nights that she hardly slept through anymore, her hiding it behind large amounts of tea and makeup that the male could see through as easily as a pane of glass.

“I told you not to smoke in the house. The smell makes me sick, and it’s unhealthy for both you and the plants that I try to keep alive.” The female’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts, her coming down stairs with socked feet making little noise as she did so, her voice laced with drowsiness and fatigue that sounded all the warnings in his head, him wondering the last time she properly slept.

“Yeah I know. I’m sorry, it’s just an impulse.”

He knew that isn’t an excuse, and he vividly remembers the night where she caught him home doing the same thing he was now in a semi-conscious state, her screaming at him with an aggression that he didn’t know she had in her. “I don’t care if it’s an impulse or whatever, you’re ruining me along with you! Don’t you understand that I have to pick up your mistakes, and can’t afford for as something as simple as an impulse to ruin you?”

He started helping out after she lost her anger, her retreating upstairs to fall asleep on her bed, fully clothed and make up streaking down her face form tears that managed to spill. He remembers having to wake her up that night to make her eat something, him then apologizing for all the mistakes he had yet to apologize for, her smiling sadly.

“It’s hard to understand that you can do this to yourself, and not want to stop the harm that your causing. I’ve never been in that position, and I want to help as best I can, so can you explain it?”

He watched as she took everything the male into consideration, biting her lip as the phrases the male uttered floated around in her head, eyes clouded and full of emotions that the male couldn’t decipher easily.

“You’re interesting, you know that?”

He found himself muttering the question aloud, the female turning from reheating a half drunk cup of tea with a shocked expression on her face, it soon turning into a small smile.

“I try to be.”

The female had been crying, the male noticed, taking in her red, glassy eyes and blotched face he didn’t notice at first glance. ‘Another nightmare, perhaps?’ He thought to himself as he watched the female with an unreadable expression, his arms crossed as he thought.

There was something different this time, his eyes catching onto red, crescent shaped marks on her arm, them being formed from her digging her nails into skin, a habit she did when she was under extreme amounts of stress. When he asked about it, she claimed that it helped her get herself back under some sort of emotional stability, the physical pain clearing her mind of the negative emotions that overran her system.

“Is everything alright? You shouldn’t be up this late.”

The female was tired, her voice barely audible as she uttered the question, him letting out a slight laugh at the irony of the situation.

“You’re one to talk.”

He said as the female took the cigarette from his hand and snuffed it out, her throwing it in the trash with a blank expression.

“Yeah, I know. I just haven’t been able to think lately, and it’s throwing really screwing with my head and my schedule. I was trying to get something done, but I wasn’t very successful in it.”

A wry smile filled her face as the microwave dinged behind her, her getting the stained mug out a few seconds later.

“What’s your excuse?”

She asked, her snarky and sarcastic side coming out as she struggled to keep herself awake. The male preferred this side of her, it being her true nature instead of hiding behind positivity and false optimism that she didn’t seem to believe no matter how hard she tried.

“I was lost in thought. Want to go for a walk?”

The male replied quickly, not wanting her to pry and worry this late into the night, her raising an eyebrow with as she looked outside.

“It’s raining.”

“Who said you couldn’t bring an umbrella? Besides, a little water never killed anyone.”

It was her turn to smile and shrug, a humored expression on her face as she did so.

“I guess you’re right. I’ll be right back.”

She said as she walked upstairs, a grin now forming on the male’s face as he watched her figure disappear. By the way the female was happy, it made him rethink the years of isolation and loneliness he put himself through in his youth. All because she decided to care, she decided to hold out on a piece of shit like him, someone who didn’t deserve the “nice guy” treatment, as police officials called it as he was called in for another drug test, her covering for him every single time with a serious expression written on her face as she stood up for him time and time again, as she had promised.

It made him think to the first day of senior year, where the girl walked in late, an apologetic expression on her face as she explained that she got caught up with guidance, handing their teacher a pass who took it with an aggravated expression, the girl sitting beside him and letting out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, a smile forming on her face soon after.

“The teacher said that we shared textbooks, so do you mind if we share?”

He had just shrugged it off back then, agreeing and then turning towards a girl that was infatuated with him, them being friends in middle school when the male was still somewhat emotionally stable.

But in the corner of his eye he saw her turn around and wave to her friends, them smiling with a somewhat forced expression and looking at her like she wasn’t worth their time.

That stuck in his head as she made it through her senior year, dragging him through it no matter how much he complained.

“Better me than some parole officer.”

She muttered under her breath one day as he declined her offer to photocopy some notes, her handwriting neat and clear on the page, him them snatching the papers from her and dragging her to the library.

I’m not going to let people hurt you again, I promise that much.

He thought as the girls expression brightened as she realized what was happening, her walking over to the printer and pushing a few buttons, her returning soon later.

“Sorry to keep you waiting.”

The statement was uttered by both the girl written in his memories and the same female standing in front of him, the only thing different is that she played a more active role in his life, daily texts to eat something now turning into daily reminders spoken as the two got older.

Older, but not that much wiser.

“You’re fine. Let’s get going, shall we?”

And with a smile, the two walked side by side in pouring rain, laughter mixed with rainfall as the two continued on.

#handfulof-roses submission #submission post #gah! I feel so utterly blessed right now! #thank you Rose! #thank you thank you thank you! #I adored this piece! #please check out handfulof-roses customers! #I've discovered a newfound fondness for submission posts! #credit goes to handfulof-roses for this beautiful work! #submission