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deeznussy · 2 years

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SAD SAD RANT/VENT POST </3 (abt one piece obvsly BWNSNEND)

I've realised something fundamentally depressing yet honestly kind of sweet???

basically right,, ya'll know how one piece is coming to its final saga so it'll like end soon (like in 5 years or more but still man), I just came to the realisation that awaiting for new chapters and episodes have become such an essential part of my life that I genuinely don't know what I'll do after one piece ends

CALL ME DRAMATIC BUT THIS IS A GENUINE CRISIS IM HAVING GUYS

I was introduced to it by a friend and I'd binged 1000 episodes in like 3 months to catch up to em and now I wait for new eps every week. This has been a part of my schedule since 25/09/21 (yes i jotted down the date I started one piece call me a dork) so now I feel so genuinely lost that I might not have this cycle anymore in a few years ;-; BUT it's also kinda funky to my short attention-span ass that a single anime about dumb pirates worked it's way so deep into my life in barely a year of viewing

NOW COMES THE SAD SAD SHIT

TW: casual talk abt unaliving and my shitty mental health

(I'm okay btw, I'm slowly but surely working on it :> the mental health system is really fucked so I haven't received any proper professional help but I'm holding onto hope that I'll find a good therapist one day!)

I'm gonna be totally transparent with you guys when I say that since the scene where Luffy puts his hat on Nami, one piece has been the sole motivation of me literally keeping living for a good few months now, sounds pathetic but it's true :,)))

for context: i have had recurring lapses of terrible depressive episodes for a good 7 years now and the only way I've ever been able to stop myself from totally offing myself is to literally stuff myself into my bedding with so many blankets that I cannot move, and even that doesn't work the majority of times and i end up with reminders of these episodes. it's in these times where i genuinely can't find reasons to keep living and it's tiring as it takes up the majority of my days. heck, the only reason I'm still alive now is literally because I don't have the energy to take my own life and it's just too much effort.

that's where one piece comes in

when I started I just thought I'd drop it really fast because I can barely keep up on anime with barely a tenth of one piece's current episode count

but no

one piece somehow stuck with me and became such a fucking stable backing in my life to the point I literally thought of it during one of my bad days once and just burst out crying

i was about to commit sewerslide that day.

i didn't though.

all because I remembered a fucking rubber man wearing a strawhat and that one piece is ongoing so if i died right there and then I'll never see Luffy become the pirate king.

i remembered how he'd counted all the things he still had on his fingers and I'd tried: I shut up my brain for a good minute or so just so I could count the things I hold dear

"my friends, my cats, my sister"

(no matter what my delusional brain said about them not missing me i had to push through, i had two cats to feed and a sister to hug after all.)

only three things I'd counted but that was enough for me to keep living for another month and counting

that's when I realised that i had wanted to be a part of this adventure so badly that my entire life was basically cradled amidst the thought of the series ending, i cried so much that night that I had a raging migraine the next day but I still remember the smile I had on the entire night because I'd finally found something that really kept me going and I knew without a doubt would be there for me at all times

yes, I have friends and I promise you that they are some of the best people I've ever met! but with a brain overworking itself at all times, even the best people cannot drag me out of my own self-loathing and I hate it. i hate that I cannot trust myself nor my friends at all to stay and I hate that I convince myself each and everyday that they'd be better off without me. i want to rely on them so badly because I know they'd be there for me but god it's scary to think they could potentially hate me when they find out how shit my health has gotten

(this is why WCI is so important to me: I see so much of myself in Sanji that he was my least favourite character for ages and even now he's still low on my tierlist solely because he feels too alike to me.)

through everything though, one piece is the only thing which I cannot overthink myself into it not needing me as i may not be necessary as a viewer through the billions of people who also enjoy one piece but it doesn't matter what i am to one piece because

it's important to me

and that's really all that matters in the end.

one piece saved my life multiple times and it's cheesy and cliché but I really do not think I'd be here if I wasn't introduced to one piece.

that's why I'm so upset by the mere thought of one piece ending.

when it does end I will not have an excuse drilled into my brain to keep living anymore and that scares me so bad, my excuse to live won't be able to be "you haven't finished one piece yet so live." anymore

that's so so scary to even consider.

I still have bad days nowadays ofc but I now have a stable backing to fall into when I know it's getting bad but when one piece ceases to continue I'll have to face my bad days like before I got into one piece and thats not something I think I can handle, i can't handle change this big.

but hey

it's still a long while for one piece to end so

I'll wait it out til then.

as much as i am a pessimist I want to be able to die without regrets (haha one piece reference) and not finishing one piece will be such a big regret it's insane

so, what I'm trying to say is, wait it out with me guys :)) we must see through to Luffy becoming the pirate king!

and maybe by then we'll have more stable backings to fall into for support and more fingers to put down when counting what we have

and maybe by then we'll all be a bit older and a bit more wise too

only the future will tell.

(okay but side notes: if anyone actually bothered to read all of this, you're an absolute legend and I hope you find your own one piece one day as cringe as that is AHAHAHAHA, kudos to you reader! have a great day :>> )

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blackcherrykiss · 3 years

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BLOOD BOUNDARIES - Enhypen OT7 Fanfic (ch.7)

[CH.1] [CH.2] [CH.3] [CH.4] [CH.5] [CH.6] previous chapters

[CH.8.] next chapter (unavailable, check back or follow for updates!)

You fell into a distrustful panic that night now that knew the screams of the woods were also where Jungwon and his friends lived. You weren't sure if you should be scared for those group of boys or be scared of them. You'd be lying to yourself if you tried to believe it was only a coincidence the boys had a place in the forest of violent cries.

You questioned your sanity, were they murderers? Was that their dirty secret?

Your conclusions were endlessly dark, repeating themselves countlessly. You had never wanted to sleep away your thoughts more than ever. Eventually, you got exhausted from your thoughts. It was mentally draining to try and tear apart the possibilities of the situation, you didn't have enough evidence to be so sure. You lay in a cold sweat as you drifted off into a deep but horrible sleep.

You dreamt in full awareness. The boys with blood spilling down their hands and onto their swan white clothes. A red mess everywhere on the cream walls of an orphanage that overflowed with rays of a full moon. Although you were scared of what you were witnessing, you could not wake up even if your life depended on it. It seemed as if the dream had sped up your sleep as you woke in what felt like a few seconds. Calmly, you awoke in the misty autumn morning in a crushed up pile of blankets. You sit up to peel your wispy curtains away from the window to get a good look at the dark forest that steamed with a muddy blue fog. All of the memories of Jungwon yelling at you for just being near the woods flooded your brain as you stared. This time you were determined to search deep into that forest and get to the bottom of its mysteries as it called out to you.

"Y/N I think you're going to be late for your first class." Nana knocked before bursting into your room in full uniform, not a wrinkle on her shirt.

"Y-you're already ready? What time is it?!" You glanced back and forth between your pyjamas and uniform that draped over a random stool as you were too lazy to fold nicely the night before.

"We didn't want to wake you... So we went ahead thinking you'd come down eventually." She yanked you out of bed, gripping your forearms tightly before backing out the door, "Don't be late! We promised we'd keep out of detention this year!"

Within a blink of an eye, you slip into your uniform, slinking your arms through the holes of your blouse and adjusting your legs to be cover by your ashy plaid skirt. With your bag and binder in hand, you sprinted across your campus to the gymnasium where you found yourself arriving, everyone already in the proper athletic attire.

"You're late." Your health teacher grit her teeth in visible disappointment. Your teacher knew how unlike you it was to be late as your classmate's eyes followed your every movement.

"P-pardon me." You clawed your fingers through your bedhead, speeding to the change room, nervous she'd assign you detention.

You let out the deep breath you were holding in as you got into the empty locker room, frustrated at yourself for waking up so late. You can't help but feel upset that you let your thoughts get the best of you and ruin your perfect attendance. Truly you were ashamed but began to see no point in continuing to rush the pace at which your day was running.

The locker room door opens and you see Kyungeun peep herself inside, "Y/N? You alright?"

You pull your boxy shirt flat down, zipping and tying every spot on your tracksuit jacket, "Yeah, sorry rough morning..."

"No worries, I just said that I had to go to the bathroom but I really just wanted to check on you." She had a motherly sound to her voice which comforted your bad start to the day. Perhaps she was in a good enough mood for you to ask her briefly about her relationship with Sunghoon.

"Kyungeun, I think I need to just clear the air... I saw you with Sunghoon in the library." You tilted your head in regret as to whether or not you were starting off the conversation in the right direction.

"Y-you saw us???" Her face drained to an unrealistic hue, "Lord... Sunghoon will kill me if he finds out you know."

"Stop! What do you mean? He'll kill you? Is it because I know that you two are dating?"

"NO! Nevermind then!" She cut you off right after the question mark in your voice. She looked rather relieved at your response which could only mean their relationship was much different than you had presumed. "I just can't tell you about our relationship I'm s-sorry it's between just us two."

"So then it's okay for him to flirt with my roommate?"

"No? Are you serious right now ?!" Kyungeun panicked.

"So you are dating?" You gave a smug smile.

"It's not that..." She was visibly frustrated not being able to describe herself in words, "I'll tell you this, I'm bound to him..." She ran her index finger along the reddened gash on her neck He's blackmailing me."

"So you're like his pet?" You held in your laughter, you knew you should be more serious but you had no other way of trying to help Kyungeun express the gist of her relationship.

"I'll tell you another day... Let's just go before the teacher gets mad at you for taking so long to change."

...

After your class full of advanced leg exercises and mediocrely fun games, you got halted by your gym teacher, "Y/N can we speak about how tardy you were today?"

You got fearful of her sentencing you detention, freezing up from your heel upwards, "I'm so sorry, I just had a lot going on last night..."

"Sweetie, I know this is your first late in my class but unfortunately the school does not tolerate tardiness in the way I believe it should be." She tapped her chin a few times, "I have no other choice but to send you to detention but it'll just be a half-hour at lunch." You felt better that it wasn't for a full hour or two after school but you were still dreading the idea.

"Can't you just let me off the hook? I promise it'll never happen again" You pleaded desperately.

"I'm afraid I cannot... If the other teachers or students knew you didn't get sent to detention I could get into trouble for giving you 'special treatment'. I know you didn't mean to love but I cannot afford to lose my job so I'll see you then." She patted one of your shoulders, giving it a little squeeze to cheer you up.

"I understand..." You nod with your head that already hung low.

"It's in the English room down the hall, there is usually only a few students there. Some familiar faces."

...

That rest of your morning would only pull through faster as you got some weird anxiety over walking into the detention room. You could not concentrate at all in the class you had before lunch. You felt as if you were too good for the detention group of kids, but here you were about to join those you criticized. Karma.

"Make sure to answer the questions 8-16 on page 300, you have the rest of the class to do so. Any questions?" Your physics teacher stood with his hands balled up behind his back.

Realizing you had no physics book in your bag after triple checking, you shot your arm up in distress, "ME! I forgot my textbook today... I was in a rush this morning." You faked a polite laugh with the expectation your teacher would have a spare.

"I'm afraid I don't have an extra, anyone willing to share?" The teacher lifted his head to scan the class.

"I could share." Jaeyun winked making your face recoil

"Perfect! You'll probably have to move your stuff to his seat then." Your teacher suggested.

With a thick coat of disappointment, you pulled a chair up to Jaeyun's desk to which he kneed you annoyingly.

Within just a few seconds of settling down, you complained "How the hell am I supposed to write? There is no space... Desks are made for ONE person."

"Okay then don't use my textbook and fall behind" He sneered.

"Wait wait, I just had the greatest idea Jaeyun." He gave you puppy eyes when you said his name, "What if you look for half the answers I do the other half then exchange?" You whispered so the teacher could hear.

"I can't trust you make good answers though..." He jokingly sighed.

"HEY! Okay or work together for every question to get it done twice as fast? Oh wait but then I'll be the one carrying the team... Bummer..." You stretched the corners of your mouth until your lips disappeared.

"I honestly don't feel like doing work so lose-lose." He pouted and rolled his eyes.

"Same... I can't even focus, I'm having a rough morning..." You openly admitted, "I got sent to detention for being late in my first class."

"Detention? Didn't think you were the type." Jaeyun had an unexpectedly sweet giggle which contrasted with his lower tone voice, "Heeseung and Sunghoon get sent often, surprised they aren't kicked out of the school."

"They get sent often?!" Your voice rose to which you quickly quieted down to avoid trouble, "Will I see them there?"

"Why? Looking forward to going now?" Jaeyun whispered with a grin, causing you to scoff.

"As if..." A sudden idea coming to mind, "Say Jaeyun... About the party... Heard you guys have a place in the woods...?" You became aware that you could pry some information out of him that would help you when searching the woods that night.

"Yeah, we do... We don't normally tell people about it." He said casually yet still with some sort of caution.

"So why tell us then?"

"Haven't had any visitors in a while..." Jaeyun toyed with his mechanical pencil, using the plastic part to trace around his lips, "Awfully interested aren't you?" He seemed to have caught on to your intentions, shifting the mood of the conversation around in a full 180.

Suddenly the dream you had earlier slipped into mind, causing you to sit in growing discomfort, "What do you want from my friends and I?"

"Nothing sweetheart... We're more interested in you than your dormmates. You look like someone we know." He laughed like a psycho and it creeped you out how the two of you were just poking lighthearted jokes to something much darker and mysterious, "I know you're afraid of us, you know far more than most girls." His voice dropped to a whisper as he watched the teacher behind you to make sure he didn't see the both of you slacking.

"Kyungeun knows your secrets too she said she'll tell me."

"She's acting like we don't know her secrets." Jaeyun closed his textbook, "Y/N just remember this, Kyungeun is half as bad as we are and half as pure as you are."

"Alright class, that's it for today's class. This textbook assignment won't be due until Friday have a good lunch." The teacher interrupted, causing your conversation with Jaeyun to end on a hanging note.

"Good luck with detention."Jaeyun hushed in your ear.

_______________

p.s, i changed the cover lol don’t make fun of my photoshop skills!

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hotchley · 3 years

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hey sumayyah! i saw your sign!! I'm writing the JJ & Emily parts of the really out of the blue and shitty mini-whatever it is 💀 and hopefully I'll figure out how to shorten it or something lmaoo

but i wanted to come here and talk for awhile i guess

it's like, 2am where i am right now and I'm just so drained mentally like idk i can't seem to focus on getting all my work done (school work) and i just submitted a fake corrupted file to pass off as my homework because i haven't been able to finish it (it's not graded or anything it's just 2 biology practice papers for revision for the upcoming exam but they're really long & biology is not my strong subject......)

like I'm 60-70% done on both papers and yeah i feel so bad for doing what i did and i am still planning on finishing those 2 papers (both as legitimate practice/revision & just in case my teachers do check and decide to ask me to resubmit/send them the file through another channel) and idk i obviously can't really talk to any one in school about this so i came here.... sorry for this bout of negativity i just feel so drained inside and it's not even the first time.... I'm on my break right now (mid years break) but my break is ending in roughly 4-5 more days? and I've felt unmotivated and horrible throughout the entire break idk :/ idk if this is just burn out or something else.... I've been planning on finding a therapist/professional to talk to? but 1. i can't exactly do it "openly" because i come from a rather conservative family and mental health issues (& sexuality etc) aren't things we talk about in my family.... and 2. I'm still a full-time student & I'm not sure of what services are available + the costs and all the other concerns? so like idk I'm not even sure where to start :(

and because I've been feeling like cr*p most of the time the last 3 weeks, I've done absolutely nothing & so i have TONS of school assignments piled up (those that were due during the break I've finished (somehow lmao) and submitted, but those that are due AFTER the break when school reopens.... i have completely not touched) & the worst thing is I'm not even entirely sure what's my entire workload.... so i definitely have to start seriously getting my work done from tomorrow (technically today) onwards.... but like i genuinely have a hard time focusing on work and I'm not sure if it's just my issues with procrastination or if i have a genuine illness or something and i don't want to self diagnose so I've been trying to not think about this but lately it's been so hard because i can't even finish my work on time and exams are coming and it's just really affecting me? and it's getting worse? i don't even have anyone i can truly talk to about this irl too and SKDJSKSNS idk 😭😭

i am SO SORRY for all the negativity!!!!! i just felt so alone and really had to vent somewhere i am so sorry, feel free to delete this ask if you're uncomfortable 🥺

i hope you're having a much better day/night and i love you ❤️ your blog (& cm Tumblr) is really giving me hope & keeping me alive, if i can put it that way 🥺♥️♥️ thank you for being you, and thank you for simply existing. I'm sorry things got so depressing all of a sudden lmao I'll be fine (eventually, probably)

- 🌙

I feel like my answer got long, so I put it under the cut :)

YAY!

Also, I did see this when you initially sent it, but I'm working on boundaries and priorities, which is why I didn't answer it then- I just needed a break <3

Look, you're learning during a pandemic that has disrupted everything and caused a lot of pain and stress. One corrupted file does not make you a bad student. You're still going to try.

There were so many days during lockdown where I just... didn't submit any work, and then I would submit it later saying the thing broke- which seemed believable because the thing we used never functioned properly.

And we cannot be happy or perfect all the time. Sometimes we need to share our problems. I have always said you can talk to me, it just may take me a few days depending on my own situation, and I stand by that.

Sometimes breaks just make us more miserable. Sometimes it is just genuinely a phase that you will snap out of. Sometimes it isn't. Either way, you need to let yourself feel this. Don't try and bury it. That'll be worse.

So when it comes to therapists, if you've been thinking of seeing one, go for it. Chances are, it'll help.

I get what you mean. I don't know what it's like where you are, but in England, everyone over 16 has control over the medical stuff. That basically means your parents cannot be told what you're doing, and you can do things without their knowledge. If I wanted to make an appointment, I wouldn't need to tell them I was making it, or what was discussed. Neither can the doctors.

I asked one of my friends (I have consent to share this), and she said that she went through the BetterHelp website, and that it's really helping her. Now I know BetterHelp had some real serious problems, so I would be cautious, but that is one option. Hers is between £50-£60 a session, but there were cheaper options.

You could also go through your school!! My school has what is called a "well-being practitioner" who you can just go and see when you're feeling down, and it all remains confidential UNLESS they think intervention is needed. So you could see if there are any sessions they do, or if there's any help you can get from them :)

I have seen SO, SO many teachers on TikTok recently say two things: ask them for help if you need it, and they will give it, and just do something. I don't know what you're teachers are like, but they're probably stressed and burnt out too. If you need an extension or a break or help, they'll do their best.

And if you can't do everything, then just do one thing. Do your favourite subject, or the easiest thing. I know people say do the hardest thing first because then everything gets easier, but the one time I did that, I started crying and I gave up for a good three days so...

If you've done extensive research, then maybe it is something, and if you think that there is that, then you should try and get tested <3 and it's okay if there really is nothing. Sometimes brains are weird

You don't ever have to apologise for being human <3 Remember how I mentioned crying for twenty minutes to my history teacher? I said the same thing to him: that I feel bad talking about these things because everyone has their own problems. His response was: well yes, but there are so many people that want to help you. And they would tell you if you were being a burden.

You need to trust that. And it's hard. It's painful. It's difficult. But I promise you, telling someone will always be better than bottling it up- and this comes from the person that was pissed for six weeks because I got a phone call home from someone higher up because previously mentioned history teacher told them that I was not doing great

I love you too!!

And sometimes life gets you down! That's okay! Things will get better! Maybe this isn't healthy, but my thing is: things will work out, and things will get better because they need to, and I refuse to believe I am living a life where they won't.

You will be fine! I have every faith in you!!

#🌙anon #people talk to me

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Ava & James

Ava: I've told all my family James: oh Ava: Maybe don't oh that hard Ava: thinking you've changed your mind and that's going to be very difficult to do a 180 on tbh James: I'm actually thinking about Bella's dad's reaction Ava: As far as I'm aware, my dad doesn't have a shotgun Ava: or an excellent moustache Ava: definitely not James: Mine does, on both counts, but the mentality simply isn't there James: war of words is as far as things have so far escalated Ava: That's a good visual Ava: what about your mum? James: she's very busy lining up every single woman she's aware of between the ages of 20 to 30 within a mile radius or so Ava: Very Mr Darcy Ava: I'll gatecrash James: I look forward to the dramatic dance scene during which we only touch palms & exchange looks Ava: I bet Lizzie Bennet didn't 😳 Ava: shame my sister isn't around to push over so your parents are forced to take us in whilst she languishes James: 😂 James: I'll happily push my sister over or let her fall through an iced over pond to further our romantic narrative Ava: 💘 Ava: I know it's less about me but I can swoon nonetheless James: if you're 😳 then you'll have my full attention regardless Ava: Promise? James: yes Ava: even if the single ladies have really good period costumes? James: well, I hadn't considered that Ava: 😏 Ava: rude James: before I decide, what are you going to be wearing when you gatecrash? Ava: Obviously something unexpectedly knockout Ava: am the protagonist, need I remind you James: okay, what I'm hearing is anything you already own or could pick out from anywhere given a few moments Ava: You're adorable Ava: how did it go really then? James: does that mean I'll get to see you before there's a seasons changing montage? because I really want to Ava: Providing you don't need to exile yourself, of course James: I'm sure there's now several people in both our lives who would like me to, but I won't Ava: They were as receptive as I expected but I've made it clear I won't be stopping seeing you, hopefully put to bed the concerns I can James: in my case, the only concern is outward appearances so there's very little I can do even if I particularly cared to James: & Teddy isn't concerned so much as shocked & appalled Ava: Of course Ava: at least I'm an addendum re. the main issue of the whole divorce, in that case? Ava: yeah, do you think I should make a point of talking to him or give him space? James: will you? as far as he's concerned I haven't made a good decision within his living memory, but you two are friends, or were Ava: I'll try, definitely Ava: if I can make him see it's as much my decision as yours, it might help, in the end Ava: and I can handle another person having their say James: thank you James: I meant what I said, I'm more than willing to discuss this with your parents, at any point James: I can handle that Ava: Thank you Ava: I think it might help Ava: but I also think I'm gonna give them a cool-off period or it won't be at all helpful and that won't be at all your fault James: understood James: I'm currently having to employ a similar situation with Jay's playdates because her friend's mothers cannot possibly keep their nose out of my business or their mouths shut about where hers is and every other single detail they believe to be fact Ava: Oh lord Ava: I wouldn't have envied you having to socialize by-proxy with the self-professed yummy mummies before but now Ava: I can only imagine Ava: Poor Jay Ava: I can't offer a human child for playdates but Frank is always down Ava: and my lips are, naturally, sealed James: I was hoping to take them away for a few days but it's as though my dad has decided that in lieu of my failings in other areas I need to suddenly become the hardest worker in the history of this company Ava: Of course Ava: Hmm James: because obviously what my children require most in their mother's absence is to also see me less Ava: Well, yeah, that's not potentially traumatizing Ava: thank God for School being right 'round the corner Ava: and Matty still being portable James: I've been bringing them both to the office & the bulging vein in his temple is honestly such a strong contender for the book cover Ava: 😏 That's how you do it Ava: risk his health and wellbeing so you get the time off for yours James: King's didn't teach me everything I know, I've got a few tricks Ava: When are you giving me that tour? James: When can I see you? Ava: When is your dad not working you to death? Ava: I can make it work James: [A pause while he figures that out] James: he's out of the office all day on [a date in the foreseeable to make this office hookup a thing] Ava: No offense but if your brother shows up again you need to send him on a really long coffee run James: as you said, school is right around the corner, meaning my parents priorities have shifted back to making sure he'll go Ava: In that case Ava: 😈 James: 😇 for saying yes Ava: I have ulterior motives, I promise you James: oh really? Ava: really Ava: it's very unfair I've yet to see you in your work clothes James: [sends her a pic because nobody can stop him] Ava: um hello 😍 Ava: you're really going to be away from me looking so good Ava: unfair James: I'm sorry James: I really, really am Ava: Me too Ava: I've not seen you enough to warrant how badly I want to right now James: [a casual essay about how much he misses her and wants her and everything he wishes they could do, in a saucy way but also just in cute ways like] Ava: James James: Ava Ava: I really love you, you know James: I love you too James: what I most wish is that we could go away for a while Ava: That would be Ava: so good Ava: maybe we could in like the Christmas hols, when everything has calmed down Ava: hopefully James: it would be indescribable Ava: I have no doubt you would do your best Ava: and it'd be impressive James: the subject matter lends itself to nothing but my best Ava: I'm honoured🙇 James: so am I, especially by that visual Ava: Gutted I'm out rn and can't immediately fulfill that wish for a visual like you did Ava: when I get back though James: [sends her an even better visual] James: until then, there you are Ava: oh, well, you aren't distracting at all 😖 Ava: definitely gonna get you back when you're so hard at work James: 😈 James: I so badly hope you do Ava: I intend to Ava: every day of the week Ava: but especially when I get to come see you James: you know, the things I intend to do to you on this desk drastically shifts the audience we're going to be able to pitch this book to Ava: You'll have to restrain your imagination in the write-up so the audience can use theirs to fill in the blanks Ava: because there's no way we're leaving your office 'til we've done everything you've thought of James: finally some overtime I'm not upset about Ava: It's all about balance, right? 😇 James: & I'm aware that you've got very good balance Ava: Will that help me be the best good luck charm on your best I can be? 🤔 Ava: intriguing 😋 James: absolutely, but if you need any more help, I'll help you Ava: You're very helpful, baby James: I try to be Ava: I've never met anyone like you James: I don't think I'll ever meet anyone else that comes close to you either James: I certainly haven't before Ava: Good Ava: I don't need to think about competiting so soon James: you don't need to think about it, full stop Ava: not 'til the dance, anyway James: even then, I'll only have eyes for you, that's the cliche Ava: Of course Ava: doesn't mean I'm not gonna do everything within my power to ensure it's worth your 👀s while James: I don't want to dance with anyone else, Ava James: I don't want to do any of this with anyone else Ava: I know Ava: you know I feel the same too James: you know I couldn't have done this without you though Ava: You did it all though, all the hard conversations and hard decisions James: a lot of those decisions were made for me, so there's limited credit due, & a lack of conversation with her just cements that Ava: Yeah but the ball is in her court on that one Ava: you're if not ready at least willing whenever she is James: of course, because that's not a decision, to not act, not any more Ava: yeah, and that's going to be a good thing Ava: even if it is not good all the time James: I'll be interested to see if she gets in contact before school starts because that's unlikely to be a good thing Ava: Yes, I wonder if this is just a summer holiday or Ava: makes you wonder what she's even doing that could keep her so 'busy' James: whoever cleans the pool, probably, not that she'd ever admit to such a cliche Ava: 😬 Ava: definitely not getting paid enough James: 😂 Ava: I'm just glad that right now you don't have to deal with her on the day to day, even if it's only a momentary reprieve, it'll never be that bad again James: me too, I can't & won't pretend that I didn't know how bad it had become but actually getting a break from it makes me wonder how either of us dealt with that for as long as we have Ava: I bet Ava: she must've been as sick of it, even though she was the one not letting go and doing the fucked up shit, that has to be exhausting to live like that Ava: full level hell beast all the time, like 😈 Ava: sorry, I'm not fully sure where the line is re. her Ava: but I've been hearing great things from Nancy and Buster today so, that's in my head James: it's okay, you're not wrong James: & neither are they Ava: Okay Ava: if it's ever weird or like, not up for discussion though, just say the word Ava: or several, as you're especially loquacious James: there's a fantastic word Ava: as far as safewords go Ava: I can think of a few situations where it might be hard to get out but isn't that half the fun James: I'll make a note of it, because yes, that's definitely a large percentage of the thrill Ava: I wish you were here Ava: I only am to get away from my parents for a bit James: where are you? Ava: My friend's house Ava: Her sister is called Stasia, think she was your year-ish? James: I remember her, whether she would me, favourably or otherwise, I can't possibly comment James: I'll take you home when you want to go Ava: Really? Ava: well, I'll go at whatever time means I get some extra with you James: okay, I'll take that as my cue to leave now, not only because any reason to get out of here is welcomed though Ava: Please do Ava: talking about you so much has only made my need to be with you even greater James: I can absolutely relate & admit to having had the same urge all day Ava: Oh good Ava: we're on the same page James: that said, a necessary note in the margin would be that in actual fact I've felt that way much longer, because whatever I'm talking about, I'm thinking about you Ava: Sometimes I think I think about you too much Ava: but then I remember I'm the protagonist in this romance so it's not just acceptable but necessary James: you can do whatever you like, darling, it's your story Ava: In that case Ava: read on James: voraciously Ava: 🤤🤤 James James: I'm just making sure we're still on the same page Ava: You're gonna have trouble keeping me on the page Ava: and making me go home James: & the driver's eyes on the road, we may need more than the Twilight soundtrack on this occasion Ava: Pride & Prejudice 2005? Ava: gotcha, honey James: 😂 James: yes, exactly Ava: 😊 Ava: I love you so much James: I miss you so much James: if I could take you home with me, I very happily would Ava: I know Ava: one day James: after the move to the other side of the river, because we both know there is a line Ava: It's pretty exciting, isn't it? James: I'm glad to hear you think so because I was going to ask you if you'd like to come house hunting with me Ava: I'd love to! James: [a possible date soonish] ? Ava: That should be good for me Ava: I'll let you know if otherwise Ava: it'll be nice to look at some actual decent places, let's face it, I doubt my student digs will be all that inspiring, like 😏 James: barely room for whatever hazing pranks they have in store, I'm sure Ava: I'm still not convinced that particular visual doesn't just come from a certain type of movie, babe James: you'll have to let me know 😏 Ava: I'll make it good for you James: my faith in you remains unwavering Ava: 🙇 James: have you reconsidered your stance on spoilers? Ava: That does depend James: oh? Ava: have you dumped fake girl? James: she was very slow to accept her fate, but yes Ava: I can't blame her Ava: I wouldn't wanna lose you either Ava: [picture, assumedly in her friend's room or somewhere not just in front of them like oh hey] James: Ava Ava: Make traffic move faster please James: I'll do the quickest rewrite possible & see you at your friend's door Ava: I'll be waiting so patiently James: & I'll be waiting impatiently James: 😇 & 😈 Ava: I think you deserve to be 😈 right now Ava: been a long day, yeah? James: yes, though it feels longer now, stretching out with the queued traffic Ava: 🥺 Ava: we'll just have to see it as motivation to not waste a single second James: it's a promise, in or out of traffic Ava: I'm so lucky James: if you think you are, then I need a better word to describe my own fortune right now Ava: I'm just really happy Ava: in spite of anything else, everything else, right now James: good, me too Ava: 🥰 Ava: you deserve that even more James: you deserve more than I can possibly give you, however patiently you wait Ava: nuuh James: yes you do Ava: 😣 Ava: no Ava: and I want you James: I want you, I'm well aware that it doesn't mean I deserve to have you Ava: How could you possibly not James: because James: the reasons I lack words to describe you aren't even close to the reasons I lack them to describe myself Ava: but I can't describe you either Ava: not just because I'm no writer James: but you do, all the time, in both words & actions I can vividly see myself the way you think of me Ava: I'm glad Ava: keep looking, okay Ava: we'll work on the believing bit James: okay James: if you'd like to get in the car, we can start immediately

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maplecornia · 2 years

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Maple I swear I'm really sorry for disappearing like that :( These days have been one of my worst and I'm just trying to cope up with them. Not only for me but my friends too and some of them are having the worst thoughts and it's really hard to keep up with everything (I hope you get what I mean by 'worst thoughts')

I REALLY CANNOT WAIT TO BE MOOTS LMAO IT'S GONNA BE FUN I'M EXCITED AF

Yea it for sure was supreme studying + the paper was okay. Not easy but not very very difficult.

Even tho I'm a sucker for angst, fluff still holds a special place in my heart and bestie I CANNOT wait for all that you have to show

I can understand the fear lmao. Most of the times it's because of homophobic people but I'm glad that you feel confident in writing such pairings now. You just need to do a tiny bit of research so that you can make the fic more realistic and that's it. Also, I'm a part of the LBTQ+ community so if someone dares to say shit 'bout your fic I'm here to start a riot lmao

Soobin, we get your pain dw :)

I'm a hopeless romantic too and trust me I have the exact same thoughts lol

Once again, we have the same thoughts on astrology. It's clearly said that tarot shows the path you're currently in. It's still fun tho ngl

Have a good day Maple, I promise I'll be more interactive as soon as these exams end (my mental state is fked up but we'll let it slide for a while)

Your secret santa, Ada~

Omg dw about it! I'm glad to hear from you in any case, and you should always take care of yourself if you're having bad days. I sincerely hope your friends are able to recover from those thoughts, and you are taking care of yourself and your health as well.

In any case thank you for your support! I really am writing more LGBTQ+ styled fics and I will DEFINITELY do that research. One day perhaps I can get a review from you to see if I've accomplished it accurately and realistically ;)))

And OMG I find it so funny that we have many of the same thoughts and opinions! It's nice finding someone who thinks similarly like you do.

ILL SEE YOU SOON ADA! I sincerely hope you feel better and if you need you can certainly take time for yourself to be the best you you can be. Don't feel pressured to talk, but know it's always a pleasure for me to speak with you!

Anywaaaays have a good day and wish me luck on my upcoming exams ;-; they're gonna be a doozy that's for sure

#☕ anon #☕ anon asks #☕ ada #☕ ada asks #maple answers 🍁

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humanistauno · 4 years

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A Journal by: Melody Leagogo

Earth’s Rumble

On December 15, 2019 that was Sunday, I slept comfortably and pretty-well that I was not able to recognize the day of our Sabbath and devotion. I woke up as the morning sunray touches my lips, tardily crawling and wriggling like a worm. I accelerate slowly to switch my hips, indolently awake after the heavy sleep. I just told myself that this Christmas break, I should withdraw sleep because if there are classes I always woke up early. I fixed my bed and went into the kitchen to have my breakfast. It was just a normal day for me, no other plans aside from doing my daily routine and household chores then after, I will grab my contraption and start scrolling my social media accounts, watching videos, and doing some leisure. As the afternoon shadow stretched long and thin, I feel drowsy and decided to take some sleep but before that I played a game in my cellphone. I did not expected that this, this boredom feeling will turn into a trauma and replaced a feeling of huge nervousness and worry. Around 2:11 in the afternoon, the Mindanao Island shake again. A magnitude of 6.9 strike the Mindanao again for the third time and the strongest among the major earthquake that happened so far that hit the Land of Promise. I hurriedly jump from the bed and grab my six years old niece together with my father to go out. I was very nervous but my father told us do not panic, do not rattle and be aware. Prayers filled my mouth and I looked into my niece whose wrapping her arms around mine that seems very nervous as well. I opened my Facebook and saw the different updates about the recent calamity where Davao del sur is its center, the damages, and the ruined infrastructure caused by the disaster. The whole Mindanao was mourning and I remained astonished as I never assumed that this day will give a great impact to the Mindanao’s. I ended the day in fear that it might happen again and a prayer that it will not happen again.

Christmas Eve

Every year we are tend to celebrate Christmas with our family and gathered into my aunt’s house in General Santos city. It is our tradition as a family to celebrate Christmas together there and prepare foods for the Noche Buena. Today, December 24, 2019 before the Christmas day, I woke up with excitement because finally I will be able to escape the boredom that ruled the house for the past days but most importantly, I will be able to see my aunties, uncles, cousins and the quality time we will be spending to each other. We prepared and packed our things for the few days of staying there and then, leave the house. We rode on a bus to reach our destination and as we arrived at my aunt's house, the smells of delicious Noche Buena welcomed us. Caldereta, Barbeque, Grilled tuna, Seafood, Sweets and Desserts, fruits, and the every year's center attraction on the table of Filipinos, Lechon. I was glad that there is such event on our life that make us gathered together and capture each moment that our family will cherish. As everyone bide one's time for midnight, my uncles were already drunken laughter, spill the beans of liquor with matching karaoke. My aunties who became story tellers, exchanging one's ideas and hearty laughter. Their clamor and chatter makes harmony in mine that the connection between us is still there. During the Christmas Eve, my sister Cathy, contacted our oldest sister in the family via video call because she was not around with us. Actually, she was not around for 15 years and 15 years of celebrating Christmas without her. I am just 2 years old when she left to catch her luck and currently she's living in Cavite and have her own family now. We greeted each other a Merry Christmas, some chitchats and goodbye for each has stuffs to do. It's now 12 midnight, my uncle light the fire crackers, greeting each other a "Merry Christmas".

Holiday

We Christians celebrate Christmas as a commemoration on Jesus birth and often giving and receiving presents and cards as one of the symbol. Today, December 25, 2019, I started a Christmas day with a midnight mass at the chapel together with my mother in Calumpang, Gensan as a thanks giving for all the gift and blessings we received this year. After attending the mas, we went home and I took some sleep because it's already morning since yesterday of going around. Today, my aunt from Ilo-ilo city together with her son will be arriving soon to have their vacation and will be spending time for us in this season of holiday. I am eager to see them because the last time we saw each other was in the year 2016. It was around 12 noon when they arrived at my aunt's house in Gensan. We greeted each other and welcome them a hug. There were many pasalubong they've brought for us including clothes, bags, shoes, cosmetics, and of course the delicacies of Ilo-ilo is imperishable. There are Bischocho, Piyaya, and Pinasugbo. Aside from giving us all this stuffs, I also received a cash from them. I can say that December is truly a season of giving and the only season for me to collect more money. Our dinner was burst into laughter because my cousin with a mental disorder or what we called being hyper was stealing our foods because he was fond of eating and make funny acts. I hope that this is not the last time that we will be seeing each other again. I am looking forward for many years of spending Christmas with the family.

Union

After staying in my aunt's house in General Santos City to celebrate Christmas, now it’s a time for us to go back home. Last night was another memory to be keep on my album of happy moments and love. It’s already December 26, 2019, time flies really. First of all, I woke excited because this day, I'll be witnessing the annular solar eclipse where Sol and Luna will be meeting each other again. According to the news and information I've read from social media, around noon, the moon will engulf the sun enable to form a ring of fire and will visible in some parts of Mindanao. We are hoping to witness the said phenomenon but unfortunately Sol and Luna was ashamed of showing its stunning union that they were hiding on the clouds. I feel blue because of missing such phenomenon but that was not a big deal. On the other hand, this afternoon, we went into nearby purok not so far from our house because this day was the death anniversary of my uncle, the late husband of my aunt from Ilo-ilo city. My uncle from Cagayan de Oro will be also arriving this day. They decided to stay in Antong instead of directing to Gensan because my aunt will be also going here. As we arrived to my late uncle's house, my uncle and his family was waiting for us. We greeted each other a hug because we've been seeing each other once a year and I cannot deny that I've misses them a lot as the two celestial beings met earlier it happened also on us. Actually, I don't have that strong relationship with my cousins or closeness with them because they are living in Cagayan de Oro and I am staying here but both company was trying to socialize and talk to each other to build connection and friendship. We had boodle fight for dinner and some enjoyable moment as we commemorate the memories of our late member of the family..

Reunited

A family is like branches on a tree that grow in a different directions yet the roots remained as one. Today, December 27, 2019 is our 4th Plaga family reunion. It is once a year occasion that held every December of the month. I started the day grateful because again, our family was a given a chance to reunite and know each other better. Our first reunion happened in Gensan, then Mlang North Cotabato, last year was in Manili Lutayan, and today here in Lamba Banga. As we arrived, they welcomed us with a warm hug and we bless to the elders as a sign of respect. We started a program with a Bible service coming from our relative who is a pastor and shared the value of family. The elders start to bring back the history and ancestors of our race. Each family introduce their children so that the other family will know each other and the connection between us. After the chatters, the story telling, and socializing, we had our lunch. After filling our stomachs, they started to raffle our names who were listed earlier to some prizes awaited. Luckily, my name was not called. I told ‘ya I am not with this kind of gimmick. However, it was fun, expecting that your name will be the next one to be called. Not one of the winners of raffle but a winner in our parlor games. Together with my cousins, we played the game pass the message in the form of face movement and fortunately, we won the said game with a prize of 500 pesos. Our reunited was great and fun, I know a lot of the relatives and start to build friendship with them. I hope that this is not the last and hoping for many years of spending time and moments with them as for the next generation to continue our identity and legacy.

A Decade Has Pass

The year 2019 was not too bad for me. We are just creatures engulfed by imperfections and flaws. Challenges and tests were given and it is normal for us to feel crestfallen, to feel sorrow, and to feel anger. As I leave one year behind and roll into the next one, I am looking forward for the new year of bringing blessings, good health, and prosperity. New Year of hoping for a successful and fulfilling life I desire and deserve. Each fresh new start offers an oozing opportunity and beginning which is probably the reason I look into New Year’s Eve so much. As I end the last page of this chapter, I am with my parents on our own humble home beneath swaying palms. As we celebrate the New Year, we prepared minimal for the Medya Noche because we’re just three left here to face the new chapter. I and my mother cooked a minimal amount of Mango Graham, Lumpiang Shanghai and Grilled Tilapia for some reason, there is served on our daily table where we can eat together. Around 10 pm, me and my mother attended a midnight mass for the last day of the year to thanks God for the year of bitter-sweet and prayed to God that this coming year will shower us blessings, opportunities, and new discoveries. As I stand at the edge of the decade, waiting for 12 am for the 2020 to wave, there were different sounds that believed to drive away all the negativity and bad spirits, so as a tradition each one of us made noise and watched as the fireworks display. No matter what goals and changes I have for this coming year or how many New Year’s resolution I planned to move, in the start of a new year is a moment to acknowledge.

Community Engagement

Today, January 2, 2020, it is great to start a year with discoveries at the same time with adventure. We were tasked to go in a community we thought who are in needs as part of our subject Community Engagement and as a Humanities Student who are in lined with this area of specialization. Our group agreed to meet in front of SPDA at 8 am but unfortunately out of the 10 members only four of us were able to come. It is OK for me because of some instances that we cannot handle and commitments. At around 11 am, we decided to light up the fuel onward. We rode on a tricycle motioning the distance of Brgy. Assumption. We were lost bird in a desert misguided by the location of that hidden vicinity. We have no little knowledge on how far that place is nor where is the exact location because the one who’s suggest the place was not around why the driver occupied our being clueless. He charged us fare that is not accurate to the distance of our trip but we didn’t argue anymore. He dropped us in the low part area because he said that the tricycle has no resistance to climb up the mountainous area so we started walking and seeking for the whereabouts of our destination. Luckily, the people there was approachable and not rude. Some people we’ve asked warned us that the Brgy. Hall is far to walked but we decided to pursue it to exercise our muscles and enjoy the surroundings. We walked for about 4 kilometers fortunately, the road was cemented before reaching the Barangay hall and then we signed our permission letter to run the evaluation smooth. According to the people there, there 7 sitios and we are not sure where to go. The air brought us to Sitio Datal Fitak, the fifth sitio and more elevated and a kilometer away from the Brgy. Office. The people there are B'laans and the way they live is very simple. As we start our evaluation, we were surprised by their kindness and genuinely. The warm welcome and smile to us relieved our tired. Every time we asked them to conduct a survey, they let us in their humble home and treat us politely. It was 3 in the afternoon when we finished our sample target population and we went home. I wish I can go back to that place again where the smiles of the children are genuine and sincere.

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