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so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed · 6 years

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Annual Writing Self-Evaluation

*All answers should be about works published in 2017.

I was tagged by @londonfoginacup who is always enabling me to share more of my fic

1. List of works published this year:

I didn’t think I published any but 2017 was longer than I remembered (this Cupid!fic has taken over my brain) and I actually finished 3. Ish.

Let’s be alone together And they call it puppy love All the ways to say ‘I love you’

I’m saying ish because all the ways to say I love you is a drabble thing that I thought I’d keep writing on while I was doing other things and HAHAHAHA.

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

It has to be LBAT because I started that fic in 2013 and well. Look where we are. I never would’ve finished it if it weren’t for @almostdarkobject and it taught me that I can write more than I thought I could and also finish a fic before uploading it.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

None because all writing is good writing even when it’s bad writing

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

That’s like asking me to pick one of my favorite children (spoiler alert I do not have any children). So I decided to pick this moment because I think it’s very important that people realize that you can always redefine yourself and figuring yourself out can be an unending process and that’s all ok!

Liam opens his mouth to protest that, then bites his lip. He had thought of Zayn. Of the way he’d smile at him, tongue pressed to the back of his teeth. Of how everything had seemed less scary when Zayn’s shoulder bumped into his. “I’m just. We’ve never. I don’t have Zayn.” It sounds a bit hollow.

“But you like him, yeah?” Louis prompts softly.

“Well, yeah. Sure I do. He’s-”

“Yeah, yeah, he’s been a great friend. I’ve heard that. That’s wonderful, Li. But I’ve never seen you go starry eyed over Nialler. And unless you’re talking about me like I’ve personally hung up the moon and decorated the sky with stars, he’s not a friend in the way that I’m your friend.” Liam can’t really protest that, as much as he wants to. He loves Louis, there’s no doubt about that. But not in the way he loves Zayn. He doesn’t think he loves anyone in the way he loves Zayn.

“I’m not gay though,” he almost whispers it, so soft he’s not sure Louis has even heard it. He’s not sure he wouldn’t prefer that, if he’s honest.

“I’m not saying you are, love,” Louis’ voice sounds patient. “You don’t need to label yourself. You don’t even need to know exactly what it is you’re feeling. Just as long as you know that whatever you feel, it’s ok. It’d be ok if you did consider Zayn to be more than just a mate.”

Liam swallows, looks up at him. “It is?”

Louis nods, wraps his arms around him. “Yeah, Li. It’s alright. Whatever you feel, it’s always alright, yeah? Feelings are never wrong. They’re confusing and frustrating sometimes, but you always have the right to feel what you feel, yeah? No one gets to tell you that you can’t. Just because you’ve never liked boys before doesn’t mean that you can’t. Doesn’t mean that you can’t like Zayn. And even if you’ll never like boys again, that doesn’t make the way you feel right now any less valid.”

“Feels weird,” he hums, looking up at Louis. “Like. I never thought of myself as, y’know. I mean you’ve been with girls but you’ve always told me that you weren’t really in love. That you just weren’t ready to admit that you wanted to be with a boy instead.”

Louis looks somewhat amused. “Yea, but, Li, I’m gay. Liking Zayn doesn’t necessarily make you gay. You know that, right? That there’s more than just gay and straight. The way you felt for Dani was real, right? So maybe you’re bisexual. Or pansexual. Or maybe it doesn’t matter what you identify as. It just matters that you like him.”

Hearing it like this, it’s sort of soothing, in a way. Makes him feel settled. “I do,” he admits, wondering if maybe it should feel like a more momentous occasion. His very first crush on a boy. It doesn’t feel so scary though. Not unless he allows himself to think about the fact that Zayn is no longer a part of his life. Or that his silly crush might be unrequited. “Quite a lot, if I’m honest.”

He gets a hug from Louis in response, a kiss to the top of his head. “Alright then. So now that we’ve established that you quite fancy Zayn, what are we going to do about it?”

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

OK so technically this is a comment from 2015 but it’s on the fic I finished this year so I find that it still counts. It’s a comment that hit me where it hurt but in the best ways. I’ve really struggled with the lack of visibility in fandom (feeling as though I’m writing for no one) as well as massive physical issues. This one comment is one I still think of at times. I wish I could hug this person for writing those wonderful words and I hope they know they made my existence better.

Your writing is just, suberb. And I don't know if your thumb / elbow (arm??) still hurts, but I hope it got better! And the fact that you might have written it while you were in pain, that's just, amazing. I don't know why people aren't commenting because WOW, you are just.

(Don't tell anyone I said this but -- you write better than some people who are super duper famous (as in other fans) IN MY OPINION OFC.)

I really hope you don't get discouraged in writing just because no one is commenting because YOU can write, and you don't need anyone telling you that you can because this is something you should remember that it's for yourself, not others (: !

I hope you're doing alright and will continue to write despite the lack of comments. You are amazing, and I'd be so so sad if you didn't write anymore.

You're one of the only authors, I feel, that are really unqiue with their ideas and just, the way you write and how you contine to write despite no one's comments, I'm just so proud of you, and so happy you're in this world, living, breathing, being HAPPY.

I am in love with you (just the to tiniest bit...just kidding -- a WHOLE CRAP TON) and your writing inspires me to write more and not care if people comment or kudos, because you reminded me that writing is to make me happy, that's its for me, and not anybody else.

Just, thank you. For existing, for writing despite the odds put against you.

You are so, so brave and lovely, I am so glad to have found you and read your works.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

All the time. But more specifically, after my forever cat died and I had to pick it back up. I wrote her into the story and I bawled. Unsurprisingly.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Hm. Well. See. I have a vague sense of where I’m going and where I want to end up but everything in between is just word vomit sooo..

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I learned that I can write long fic. I also learned that I grossly underestimate how verbose I am and that 80k is not enough to write a fic in when I’ve been thinking about it for four years.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

Man I just hope to finish my fic and that people will like it. I’m 133k deep into a fic that I’m literally expecting one person to read so it’d be fabulous if I was proven wrong and I am happy to grow and accept my being wrong!

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Holy shit ok so this is where I gush about my undying love for @londonfoginacup is it? I mean, what can I say?? None of this would’ve happened if it weren’t for her. She’s been reading along with me and helping me and also being a generally amazing person who sends great Christmas cards and who will be rewarded with a care package when I finish this fic because I adore you so effin much and this whole fic is for you.

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

My cat died and showed up in Cupid heaven where Louis petted her and told her everything would be ok.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Don’t post any WIPs. Finish writing before you upload. Get someone to read along with you if you’re heavily dependent on outsider input. Just. Don’t upload a WIP and then abandon it for four years. Never let Zayn leave the band and kill your muse.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Cupid!Larry. As @londonfoginacup said: 2018 is the year of Cupid!Larry.

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read.

If anyone hasn’t done this yet and wants to, consider yourself tagged because after this longass trip to memory lane (told you I was verbose) my brain is pooped.

#writing evaluation meme #writing #tnfif

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