#i finished watching your lie in april earlier and i just had chinese food for dinner on wednesday and thursday and god i don't know

[poppies-remade]

this probably sounds a little weird, but i always find myself returning to this app in my most tired and vulnerable states. when i can't find a comfortable place on the internet, it feels soothing to come on here. it's a safe space that i've taken the time to curate and nurture, and i feel like it's so easy to share my thoughts on here (compared to other platforms). this is also the only consistent social media account i've had throughout my teenage years... i think i made this when i was 14? wow. it's like a capsule of this period of my life which has otherwise been obliterated by my bad-memory-brain-rot. i'm not sure who i'd be without my account. i know i sound lame, but at times this was the only outlet i could share anything on, and without it, i'd probably be even more uncomfortable sharing my thoughts than i am now. basically tumblr is a stupid app but i love it nonetheless : )

#i don't know if anyone will see this but that's alright! #it's almost 6:30am and i haven't slept a single bit #i never thought i would have trouble sleeping... especially since i deal with chronic fatigue #but my insomnia has grown and grown since quarantine started #anyways. hmm what can i say about me #i desperately want to find something that can break me out of this half dream state i'm in #like standing barefoot in the cold grass at night after it rains #or outside a hotel in the middle of nowhere #something... delirious and new. #i don't feel like i've changed at all this year but i suppose that's a lie my mind will always tell me #i became more interested in anime & gaming. and i became a tea person so i'm winning a little #i've come to the realization i need therapy (i mean i've tried it so many times but i'm ready to actually try it... if that makes sense?) #i've lost the ability to write poetry which terrifies me #i stopped drawing or eating healthy or exercising #basically i've been even more depressed than i was before which is somehow still a shock to me #i finished watching your lie in april earlier and i just had chinese food for dinner on wednesday and thursday and god i don't know #i just need to scratch myself into the corners of this world i suppose #hmmm i can't wait to see this in the future. if i'm able. #p.s.