#i hate link rot so fucking bad!!!!! everything gets worse online!!!!!!

[cyberstabbing]

we got people that remove watermarks, people that remove bob from photos, people that hunt down sources and dates etc. the one thing we're missing is someone who can fix the aspect ratio of old mcr interviews. i can pay you in reblogs and endless gratitude. pretty please (someone)

#it's so distracting and i hate it!! #yeah it was fine in 2011 when i thought 360p was high quality for a youtube video #and 480p was like HD to me #but now we deserve better dammit #i watched some dd era mcr interview today and the quality (audio AND visual) was so fucking bad #but i remember it being better #i look at the upload date and some random mcr fan account uploaded it in 2020 #meaning it probs got taken down bc of copyright or bc as an unlisted video it got privated or some shit #i hate link rot so fucking bad!!!!! everything gets worse online!!!!!! #this wasn't even the thing i was irritated about at the beginning of this lmao #mine #anyways the web suckz and in 10 years it's be even more impossible finding shit #especially since the archive is dying a slow and painful death

[glcsowy-ed-blog]

HI,  THIS  BITCH  IS  GOING  ON  HIATUS  AND  HERE’S  WHY !

( the funny hat is not related to it whatsoever i just didn’t know what icon to post here so )

LET’S  START  WITH  THE  FACT  THAT  I  SEEM  TO  NOT  LEARN  FROM  MY  MISTAKES.  this  isn’t  the  first  time  this  happens  lmao.  see,  the  thing  with  me  is  that  you  can  easily  assume  that  THE  MORE  ACTIVE  I’M  HERE,  THE  MORE  I’M  TRYING  TO  RUN  FROM  SOME  REAL  LIFE  ISSUES.  and,  yeah,  i  guess  -  aren’t  we  all  ??  but  there  is  a  difference  in  treating  the  rpc  like  a  nice  hobby  to  de-stress  and  in  what  i’m  doing.  

IT’S  FUNNY,  BECAUSE  THIS  IS  EXACTLY  WHAT  I  HAD  TO  POST  ON  ONE  OF  MY  OTHER  RP  BLOGS  LIKE,  A  YEAR  AGO.  i  legit  thought  i  have  things  under  control  and  that  i’ll  be  able  to  keep  everything  in  balance  this  time.  when  i  started  this  blog,  i  was  in  a  pretty  good  mental  state,  actually.  WELL,  MAYBE  NOT,  BUT  -  GETTING  THERE,  DEFINITELY.  i  was  SO  SURE  things  are  going  to  be  different  this  time  around.

i  made  a  mistake  of  completely  hiding  from  the  issues  i  was  doing  a  pretty  good  job  of  fixing  up  until  recently.  it  wasn’t  a  step  back,  but  i  definitely  stopped  moving.  THIS  IS  STILL  PROGRESS,  IN  A  WAY  ??  thinking  back  to  what  i  was  doing  a  year  ago,  to  how  i  single  handedly  fucked  up  multiple  online  friendships,  ( not  to  even  mention  rl  ones,  i’m  not  even  gonna  go  there  )  it’s  still  not  so  bad.  and  i  need  to  step  back  for  a  not  specified  amount  of  time  to  prevent  it  from  getting  bad.

this  is  the  part  where  i  explain  it  further  and  if  somebody  is  sensitive  /  triggered  by  mentions  of  alcohol,  drugs  and  depression,  this  is  your  warning  to  proceed  with  caution.

hi  my  name  is  jay  and  i  have  a  drinking  problem  (  hi  jay  )  and  i  also  have  a  diagnosed  bipolar  disorder  (  bye  jay  )  and  i  have  a  history  of  both  of  those  in  my  close  family.  i’m  nearly  5  months  sober  now  and  i’m  not  going  to  therapy  anymore,  neither  am  i  taking  meds,  which  was  a  personal  choice.  (  i  still  have  my  therapist’s  number  in  case  things  get  bad,  though  and  since  i’m  rly  set  on  getting  healthy,  i’m  not  gonna  be  a  dumbass  and  actually  reach  out  to  her  if  that’s  what  it  comes  to.  but  i  kinda  want  to  try  and  get  by  without  medication.  again,  a  personal  choice,  i  don’t  have  anything  against  meds  ;  the  opposite,  actually,  bcs  wasn’t  it  for  the  stabilizers  i  was  taking  last  year,  i  don’t  think  i’d  manage  to  get  myself  to  the  point  where  i  can  actually  start  working  on  this  on  my  own.  )

i  was  still  drinking  through  the  therapy  and  a  couple  of  months  after  it  ended.  i  took  my  meds  with  booze.  i  never  rly  mentioned  it  to  my  therapist,  either,  which  now  i  realize  was  a  big  red  flag,  since  i  opened  up  about  the  worst  shit.  

i  live  in  a  country  that  enables  drinking.  it’s  WEIRD  not  to  drink  here.  it’s  part  of  the  culture.  i  have  friends  younger  than  me  that  already  have  serious  medical  issues  linked  to  drinking.  (  i’m  only  turning  24  this  year  and  i’m  p  sure  my  liver  is  lowkey  rotting.  )  i  attended  a  wedding  recently  and  had  my  ““date””’s  dad  say  that  he  wished  that  i  gave  them  heads-up  about  the  fact  that  i  don’t  drink.  i  had  somebody  else  jokingly  say  that  i  will  have  to  fight  twice  as  hard  for  the  family’s  acceptance.  this  is  a  regular  functional  family.  it’s  just  the  fucking  culture.  

when  you’re  a  daily  drinker,  even  the  people  closest  to  you  don’t  really  notice.  it’s  like  the  boiling  frog  fable.  if  the  frog  is  put  into  boiling  water,  it  will  immediately  jump  out,  but  if  the  water  is  tepid  and  then  brought  to  boil  slowly,  the  frog  stays.  i  was  surrounded  by  frogs.  the  drinking  got  worse  gradually,  not  all  at  once.  i  hid  it  without  even  realizing  i’m  doing  it.  YOU  DON’T  REALIZE  YOU  DO  IT.  it  is  an  instinct.  throwing  the  bottles  out  into  the  bins  outside,  not  the  ones  at  home.  saying  you’ve  had  2,  when  you’ve  had  5.

it’s  not  an  edgy  thing,  even  though  if  you  talked  to  me  a  mere  year  ago,  i'd  meme  the  fuck  out  of  it.  ‘  whiskey  is  cheaper  than  therapy  !!  ’  and  all  that.  it’s  ugly,  it’s  sad,  it’s  toxic,  it’s  nothing  you  want  to  go  through.  you  don’t  want  that  killer  headache,  you  don’t  want  to  look  at  pictures  from  last  night’s  party  and  not  recognize  yourself,  you  don’t  want  to  throw  the  trash  out  and  have  it  make  clinking  glass  noises,  and  look  down  as  you  are  passing  people  with  it.  you  don’t  want  your  first  bf  to  tell  you  he  hates  you  when  you’re  drunk,  you  don’t  want  to  live  with  all  those  times  you  hurt  people  that  care  for  you.  alcohol  is  not  a  truth  serum,  it’s  an  asshole  serum.  it’s  fucking  gross.  you  don’t  want  to  not  be  able  to  talk  with  certain  people  without  having  a  drink  first,  you  don’t  want  to  look  at  them  and  wonder  if  that’s  going  to  be  you  in  +10  years.  (  is  it  a  good  time  to  gently  nudge  anyone  who  might  be  reading  this  and  having  similar  issues  ??  don’t  drink  to  feel  better,  the  older  you’ll  get,  the  less  edgy  and  romanticized,  and  more  pathetic  and  terrible  you’ll  feel.  )

last  december  i  managed  to  binge  drink  a  whole  month  away.  i’d  go  without  food  for  weeks,  drink  at  work,  it  was  the  worst  mania  case  of  my  entire  life.  i  let  my  guards  down  and  had  a  person  i  trusted  the  most  and  loved  with  all  my  heart  take  advantage  of  me.  it  was  new  years  eve.  i  was  in  denial  up  until  half  of  january,  still  keeping  in  touch  with  them  -  and  then  one  day  i  made  a  bet  with  a  friend  to  quit  drinking  for  a  month.  after  the  month  passed,  i  just  kept  on  going  with  it.  it’s  a  wip.  it’s  good, but  it’s  still  a  wip.  i’m  not  planning  to  get  back  to  it,  ever.

literally  nobody: me:  this  fucking  trainwreck  of  a  post

if  i  was  capable  of  talking  about  this  in  a  chill  personal  way,  this  post  wouldn’t  exist,  i’d  just  announce  the  hiatus  due  to  personal  reasons  and  be  done  with  it.  but  i  have  people  reaching  out  to  me,  friends  reaching  out  to  me  and  i’m  in  no  state  to  explain  shit  personally.  i’m  the  worst  at  this,  i  can’t  do  it,  so  i  decided  to  just  scream  into  the  void  and  hope  whoever  needs  to  read  this,  will.  lmao.

last  year  i  just  deleted  tf  out  of  all  my  blogs  and  burned  all  the  bridges  down,  but  since  i’m  doing  way  better  now  and  i’m  a  bit  more  reasonable  about  the  whole  thing,  i’ll  ghost  until  i  feel  ACTUALLY  GOOD  ENOUGH  to  maybe  treat  this  as  a  fucking  hobby  and  keep  things  in  balance.

i  love  you,  guys.  take  care  <3      

#― ᶜᵃⁿ ⁱ ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵃ ʷᵃᶠᶠˡᵉ ? . / jay speaks #alcohol tw #depression tw

[problematiq]

@reneetaleenaisnotvicious it’s just a place full of assholes.

in the last couple of weeks, i had to explain to them why you can’t use the n-word when you’re not black, thinking it was common knowledge, only to be met with “well, it’s not universally agreed upon” (like, no shit, of course white people won’t agree that they can’t use it and since when does every single person have to agree that something is wrong in order for it to be wrong?) and “saying i can’t say the n-word is reverse racism”, causing me to dig into 2012 discourse on how reverse racism isn’t real.

people will defend the actions of every single human being billie joe has ever had contact with. the allegations of the former (jewish) employer against kat von d about her writing an antisemitic note to him are dismissed as “just a cry for attention from an unhappy employee” even though experts have concluded that it was 99% her handwriting - but yeah, kat von d never said she wrote it, so it must just be fake, since we all know and trust her??

in the discussion over billie’s collaboration with morrissey, people have defended that dude at every turn so they could feel better about their collaboration and completely dismissed everyone who showed concern or disappointment with it. i’m not gonna list everything morrissey has done and i’m not gonna debate it with anyone anymore since i’ve seriously had it up to here with that topic, but the gist of it is that morrissey is a racist UKIP supporter who said that “chinese people are a subspecies”. people have routinely and adamantly attempted to downplay the racism and rationalize his fucked up behavior, saying “well maybe billie just didn’t know about what he did, why should you research everything your collab partner has done” which turned to “morrissey not a racist, he’s just a dumb idiot with no influence who wants attention” which turned into “he’s not even a ukip supporter” which turned into “well actually ukip / nigel farage aren’t even xenophobic if you think about it”. then, a user on the forum who is half-chinese voiced her disappointment in the forum for defending that scumbag tooth and nail and said she was done with the forum and wouldn’t visit anymore. people backpedaled a bit but still tried to tell her that it’s “not really that bad” and “there are worse forms of racism you should focus on” like lmfao really? so that’s when i said “you know what fuck y’all” and left the forum too and with that, the green day fandom really because i am sick and tired of people worshipping the ground billie walks on like fucking catholics, incapable of criticising him or admitting any flaws or mistakes.

for some reason i decided to join the discord server for the old gdc people who used the chat a lot because i thought, maybe i don’t have to cut contact to everyone and can still enjoy talking to people about my favorite band?? and for a while we had fun and i really liked them.

so on april 1st, they announced that the forum would be shut down forever by the end of the week because it was too much work and too expensive to continue keeping it up or whatever. of course only gullible people believed it and nobody else really took it seriously while the mod team desperately tried to convince everyone that it was not an april fools joke like “omgz i’m so sad” and “i dont understand why everyone would think THIS IS A JOKE wow i am so UPSET” and it was ridiculous really because they tried so hard with the joke and nobody bought it.

so then someone posted the link to the discord server in the forum so more and more people joined and i was like “oh” because suddenly every person i hated on the forum and who was the reason I left gdc in the first place joined the discord server, even the gdc mods (who can all suck a fucking dick). those people don’t like me either so it already felt restricting to post there and i was getting pissed that i joined there first and then they all came and forced me to communicate with them again. and i’m serious, i’m fucking done with that place and i want nothing to do with these people either.

then on april 2nd (AFTER april fools) the site was down but some people still didn’t believe it was gone forever because WHY WOULD THEY? that april fools joke was a fucking pathetic attempt to upset the community who loved the forum, and they were salty nobody gave a shit so they had to take extreme measures. i would’ve been happy to believe it and see the forum fucking rot but other people who had found friends and loved the community were genuinely upset about this (one person even started a gofundme).

then, some minor mod joined the discord and complained about us “talking shit” about the mods because it was all the admin’s fault and he gave us some bullshit story about how he was angry with him too, that the admin had given the mods a chance to back up their shit before they closed or even gave them an opportunity to take over the forum but nobody wanted to blah blah blah and some shit about green day’s management wanting to restrict the forum because people were talking about their private lives or that they had planned a dookie tour but it was cancelled because of trés baby or some shit??? whatever. and i believed it because he was convincing and not someone who usually lies and trolls people but who put in a lot of work into the media section and would have been upset if it were gone, so i was actually sorta understanding towards him.

then a couple of hours later the site was back online, the admin made some stupid joke about “lololool i’m a mastermind you can go fuck yourselves i’m so happy with myself!111!!”, they made a social media post about it having just been an april fools joke while directly quoting something i said on the discord server, and that one unimportant mod who lied to us and some other dumbass mod i’ve always hated posted on the discord that they “had a lot of fun lying to us” and how fucking hilarious our reactions were or whatever and how good it was to see how many people cared about gdc like???

and i was fucking mad because I HAD LEFT THAT PLACE!!!!! i had literally left that place and they come to the place i kinda found refuge hin after leaving that shithole (a place i actually liked being on and where i had fun to communicate with the other members and could actually see myself staying and maybe not leaving the fandom entirely), infiltrate it with their fucking presence and make it my fucking business what happened to GDC, lie to me and everyone and laugh to themselves about the things i said or how they had fooled us. so they ruined everything for me again just so they could have a laugh and i’m not kidding when i say i hate every single fucking person who keeps this dumpsterfire running with a passion. and what’s almost more frustrating is how every single person who was mad at them for the joke now runs back to them like “oh wow that was a mean joke but now i’m just happy i can be back, i’m ready to put this behind me” lmfao.

i don’t give a shit about the forum, I. LEFT. i want nothing to do with them, i don’t want them around me, i don’t want them to talk to me or about me. i want them to ignore my fucking existence and leave me THE FUCK alone. and now i can’t even visit the discord anymore because they don’t even have the fucking decency to leave the server after their bullshit stunt. so thanks for fucking nothing you absolute dumbass fucking dick-eating pieces of horseshit.