#i have a full chest of eggs and several stacks more in my inventory

[esamastation]

necer0s: Stardew Valley x AC crossover? Desmond retires to a very different Farm than the one he grew up in maybe?

-

When Desmond ended up in Stardew Valley, he'd quietly, and probably a bit arrogantly, figured that he'd probably be the weirdest thing about the whole thing. You know. Aside from the fact that he'd found himself in a quaint little coast town of some nondescript nationality after his death, which was pretty weird, he figured that being an assassin and all in this quaint little coast town, he'd be the weirdest thing.

Yeah not even close.

There's a local wizard, for one. There's a witch that occasionally curses crops. There's a mysterious train that never stops at the local train station, but sometimes drops valuable stuff. A hot spring that no one manages and doesn't cost anything. A mine full of monsters and apparently more valuable stuff you can just… mine. By hand. If you want to.

And there's a Farmer that everyone secretly thinks might be some sort of minor deity.

"I mean, that's just the Farmer," comments Abigail, the daughter of the local general store owner. "It's sort of always been like that. Well, I don't know, there was an old man, the Farmer's Grandfather who used to run the Farm, but the old folks say he wasn't like the Farmer. The Farmer is just. You know. The Farmer."

The Farmer owns the biggest plot of land in the town, which is filled to the prim with all sorts of crazy stuff like slime hutches and ancient fruit vines and stuff. The Farmer's house is some sort of infinite expanding dimension. The Farmer can carry half a dozen tools with them at all times. And several tons of worth of goods. The food they make has magical properties. One summer, they made several million in profits just to see if they could. The Farmer is, unquestionably, the wealthiest person in the town. Everything they own is made of iridium. Whatever that is.

"They give everyone gifts. Usually edible stuff. I think it's just because they can," Abigail says, thoughtfully. "The amethysts are my favourite."

Desmond waits and then says, awkwardly, "That's. Cool."

"I think the Farmer's looking for some farmhands," Abigail adds.

-

The Farm is even more impressive up close. The Farmer is…

Desmond isn't quite sure, actually. But they build him a house? And immediately begin to upgrade it. The house, which looks like just a little cottage on the outside, is on the other end of the enormous Farm, nestled in a little copse of trees and right beside a coop full of rabbits. It's, by far, the best thing anyone has ever given Desmond. But also. What?

"Are you sure?" Desmond asks slowly, eying the house. It must've cost a lot. Right? Houses cost a lot. Even if you are the wealthiest minor deity in the town, houses are a big deal. Right? Though what does he know – the Farmer has two small fortresses in their Farm where they breed actual monsters, so… maybe the value of things in this place is relative.

The Farmer shrugs their shoulders like it's whatever, and then points him to the tool chest. Time to get to work, apparently. Except…

Except there isn't that much work to do. The entire Farm is automated. There's iridium sprinklers everywhere, the crops are harvested by invisible little nature spirits, apparently – the only plot of land that needs to be harvested by hand is in the greenhouse. The barns and coops are automated too. It's all kind of neat, because Desmond can't see any actual farm machinery around – there's not even a tractor in the place. And he's pretty sure the sprinklers don't have any hoses, which is a bit weird, but okay.

Then the Farmer shows him to the various store houses, filled with kegs, barrels, furnaces and – chrystalariums? And geode crushers. There's slime egg presses and incubators. Recycling machines. Statue of endless fortune which apparently produces an infinite amount of wealth – and perfect birthday gifts for everyone in town.

"Recycling machines," Desmond says flatly, while the Farmer shows him the signs pointing what produces what and which chests the produce needed to go. The Farmer has whole chests full of precious gemstones and entire stacks of copper, iron, gold and iridium. Yeaah…

"Okay," Desmond says. "I'll… sort your stuff for you, no problem."

The Farmer gives him thumbs up, hands him a probably incredibly valuable incandescently brilliant gem stone, a small allowance of million g and promptly heads off to a tropical island.

Well… okay then.

-

Desmond minds the Farm – or rather, the various mystical and not so mystical machinery – more or less alone for the next week, while the Farmer does whatever it is they do in Ginger Island. Which is apparently a tropical island full of parrots and coconut trees and yet is somehow less than an hour away from Stardew Valley. The mental gymnastics Desmod does to try and figure out how that works, with Stardew Valley having a full on snowy winter season and all…

Yeah, probably best left be, that. Stardew Valley – and apparently the surrounding lands – work by their own rules. Ginger Island is no different. According to Pierre the Grocery store owner, the Farmer is renovating… everything there. With walnuts.

"Golden walnuts," Pierre says.

"Right," Desmond nods, like that makes any sense. "Golden walnuts. Gotcha."

As the island is renovated, the people of Stardew Valley begin making daily trips there to enjoy the beach and the sun – as though the town itself doesn't have an incredibly nice beach as it is. Well, guess there's no beating a tropical beach. With mermaids. There's mermaids? Yeah, there's mermaids. And apparently pirates.

Cool.

"You know, since the Farmer is spending his time on Ginger Island, maybe you should do some of the quests on the notice board," the town Mayor, Lewis, suggests. "There's only so much to do on that Farm, right?"

There's over 200 different machines Desmond needs to empty and some which he needs to refill every day, and that's without counting the tappers on the trees he'd just discovered the other day. And the Farmer had forgotten to say anything about the fruit trees, which had been filled to the bursting before Desmond had realised he should probably harvest them. He wouldn't call it a little bit of work.

"Yeah, okay," he says. "What do people need then?"

Someone named Gus wants 20 copper ore.

Well… okay then. Sure. Why not? The Farmer is bound to have some laying around. The guy has literal stacks of gold bricks just lying around – he wouldn't miss a bit of raw copper. Right?

-

Apparently, he needs to mine the copper ore himself, otherwise it doesn't count, for some reason. Also, the mines are full of monsters. And it turns out that Assassin training did not teach him how to deal with little cute blobs of slime that want to kill him.

Yeah. It's the most fun Desmond has had in a while, though he has no idea what is even going on anymore. There's a dwarf in the mines. Literal dwarf.

They sell him bombs.

-

Desmond has just had his unconscious body dragged from the mines by the local homeless man when the Farmer returns from Ginger Island, a shade darker, with new gems on their sword and a whole bunch of new stuff. Apparently, they found so many golden walnuts that they managed to renovate the whole island? Which is… okay. Desmond is almost getting used to it. That's how things work here. Apparently. It's fine.

The Farmer puts up an enormous stone statue of a frog in the orchard and then brings Desmond a perfectly cool and perfectly preserved Pinã Colada as a souvenir. Somehow, despite having travelled all the way from a tropical island to the Farm, it still has ice in it. It hasn't even melted.

Yeah, Desmond muses, taking a sip. This place is alright.

---

Then Desmond realised he too can suddenly carry over half a dozen farming implements around and that he’s got an inventory of several tons worth of stuff and that he is on the way of becoming a Farmhand.

#fanfiction #crossover #prompted #this was fun #crack

[ice-the-creator-destroyer]

Minecraft story: Days 4-7

Days 1-3

Day 4:

At the suggestion of a friend, I turned off the auto-save feature and moved Chocolate Milk and Tess back into my house and closed off their access to the porch and Arnold’s Enclosure; this will restrict their movement to under 20 blocks in any direction so that they will not despawn. It has worked perfectly, but I still will not save my game when they are not both in my direct line of sight.

While I held what I think was a stack of two eggs, one from Tess and one from a chicken I had in my ranch outside, I tried and failed to eat a slice of cake, throwing the egg into the wall, hatching a small baby chicken. I had not intended on hatching these eggs; I had not really set in stone any plans for them, but they probably would have been made into a cake. I had full intentions of hatching Tess’s eggs, but only once I could assure they were all her eggs. I immediately fell in love with this baby chicken, and named him Lelo (it’s pronounced exactly like Lilo from Lilo and Stitch, but when I thought of the name, I visualized it with an e, so- yeah. It’s not like some thing to make him unique, it’s just how I visualized it.). I do not know whether or not Lelo is Tess’s biological child or if they were another chicken’s egg, but it does not matter now, because Tess has adopted him as her own, Lelo is Tess’s child and nobody can say otherwise. Of course, there was a bit of panic, as once Lelo grew up I would not be able to differentiate between him and Tess. I built a boat and placed Tess inside, and Chocolate Milk placed herself in the boat because that’s what Chocolate Milk does. Of course because my house was so small that the boat ended up blocking the front door, so now I have to leave my house through the back.

I added a storage room to my house after much frustration on what to keep and throw out due to inventory space.

I found an underwater ravine in the ocean beside the desert out behind my home. I have mined a lot here and it wielded lots of materials.

I HAVE ACQUIRED DIAMONDS! After literal hours of mining and searching, I finally found a pocket of 5 diamonds. I mined all around each diamond to ensure there was no lava around it that would burn it. I used three of the diamonds to make a diamond pickaxe, and then mined a sufficient amount of obsidian to assemble a Nether portal. I hope to go to the Nether and find a Nether fortress to find name tags inside the fortress. I have exited the game for the night, and will venture into the Nether tomorrow.

Day 5:

As YOGSCAST Lewis & Simon once said, Screw the Nether.

After a few minutes of prep, I began my journey into the Nether and was immediately attacked by a Ghast, who damaged me and put out my nether portal. I was able to re-light the portal and flee through it as I saw another shot coming towards me. Something interesting to note was that when I went back into the Nether, it was as if no time had passed, and the charge was still coming towards me.

Ghasts have been the bane of my existence. From the moment I stepped into the Nether they have harassed me at every turn. I tracked my progress and marked my way by the stone walls and hides I had scrambled together across the hellscape. I actually grew quite talented in fighting them, having stacks of cobblestone, able to craft a protective wall out of them in seconds, darting out from behind the wall and firing arrows, and surveying the area before dashing to the next protective wall of cobblestone I had built.

Fighting Ghasts requires a significant amount of arrows however, and there is only one way I know of acquiring feathers...

The chickens in the ranch outside my home are brought into the world and are often showered with seeds to help them grow big and strong quickly and then are paired off with a loving companion with whom they have lovely little children. What happens after that I try not to think about too much...

In order to feed the chickens and grow enough wheat to sustain the rapid consumption of bread in the Nether, I expanded my farm. It is not as neat and orderly as it was before, but it is more efficient.

I discovered that in the Nether, a short distance from the portal, was the end of the Nether, a large bedrock wall as rough and uneven as the bedrock at the bottom of the world. It is truly a sight to behold.

It is a well-known rule in Minecraft that a person should never dig straight down, but today, digging straight down saved my life. As I was fighting two ghasts behind a cobblestone wall, a third appeared behind me where I had no wall to protect myself, and fired at me. As someone who had been hiding behind stone walls for the past few hours, I guess I was in no position to judge the third Ghast’s tactics, like my own, it’s tactics sure as Nether were a lethal pain in the ass. I ran out into the open in my panic, and was now being fired upon by three Ghasts. Low on health, my body set ablaze and charing by the second, with terrifying beasts attacking me from both sides, I had no time to build an efficient cobblestone shelter, so in an attempt to save myself, I pulled one last desperate move: I dug a hole. Switching to my Iron Pickaxe, I looked straight below myself and dug. My body falling each block I removed, I quickly was out of the line of sight of the Ghasts. When I dug into a pocket of magma blocks and was damaged, I kept digging, knowing I would break through the pocket soon enough, and I did, emerging safely onto netherrack flooring. Safe away from the Ghasts, the fire charing my body fizzled out while I was at half a heart, leaving me severely injured, but alive. I placed a block of cobblestone above my head, and laughed at the absurdity of the situation and my luck.

When I returned home low on cobblestone, I built a cobblestone generator, with both water and lava flowing to meet and make cobblestone. I am ashamed to admit that I died to this contraption. Placing myself at the edge of the waterflow to more efficiently get the cobblestone before it was swallowed up by the lava, the water pushed me into the molten rock, setting my body ablaze. In a moment of sheer stupidity, I forgot that there was water right behind me as part of the contraption, and dashed to the ocean not far from the generator. Unfortunately, I had taken too much damage already, and the fire killed me while I was one block away from the water, scattering my inventory into the water, which I had to swim out for. I regained 7 of the 23-25 levels I had, a significant drop. After this I gave up on the cobblestone generator, and went out to the pathetic excuse for a cave not far from my home to mine cobblestone. During my mining, I found a large cave very similar to a small ravine. The only thing that differentiated it from a ravine was that the high ceiling did not open up to the sky. The single waterfall that led down all the way from the ceiling might have led to an ocean, making it an underwater ravine, but I did not check. I found 19 pieces of iron ore in this pseudo-ravine, and sufficient cobblestone from it and the cave I had come in from.

After many trips back and forth from the Overworld and the Nether for arrows, bread, and once cobblestone, I finally found a Nether Fortress. After one more trip back to the Overworld for sufficient preparations, I entered the fortress. I got all the way to the blaze spawners, but as I tried to destroy one of the spawners, I was killed by a blaze. After staring at the death screen for a moment, I turned off the PS3 and promptly gave up. The most valuable item I found in the chests leading up to that point was iron horse armor, and I don’t even have a horse.

I chose to raid the Nether Fortress for Name Tags instead of choosing the much easier fishing method is to reduce the kill count; I didn’t want to end so many fish’s lives just for Name Tags when I could go and get them in some chests in a fortress, but look at what has happened: I’ve had to kill so many chickens for feathers to make weapons used to kill other creatures. I cannot bring back the creatures I have killed, but I can choose to stop killing them. Screw the Nether, I’m goin’ fishin’.

Day 6:

At the suggestion of a friend I have rethought my decision to ditch the Nether. They reminded me that placing torches around a spawner will deactivate them, and suggested a more humane way of getting arrows: skeletons. Thank you friend, this world would be much bleaker without your advice.

I still took up fishing, knowing I could get name tags from there. I took nine fish, and after that, threw the rest back. I’ve gone fishing in real life before, there was no way that the fish could have died that soon after being caught. They’re not dead; shush.

I fished by day and hunted monsters by night. While fighting monsters at night, I encountered a Husk giving a Baby Zombie a piggy-back ride on it’s shoulders, though there is significant evidence to suggest that the Baby Zombie was controlling the Husk. I acquired sufficient arrows from the skeletons to venture into the Nether again, and acquired a saddle from fishing, but no Name Tags. Seeking to enchant my fishing rod with the Luck of the Sea enchantment to increase my chances of getting Name Tags, I went out to mine and found diamonds rather quickly, enough to craft an enchanting table, as I had used the previous 2 diamonds to craft a diamond sword in a moment of forgetfulness. I added another room to my house: a crafting room. Inside the room I placed a crafting table, an anvil, and an enchanting table. I remembered that I needed Bookshelves to increase the power of the enchanting table, but I was hesitant to acquire the leather required to craft books by killing cows. A quick internet search left me with another option: Fishing. Of course. I continued doing what I was doing: fishing by day and hunting Skeletons by night. As tools and armor naturally broke, I realized I was running low on iron, and that it would be smart to mine more iron now before my iron tools ran out rather than screwing myself over by not having any backups when they eventually broke. I went to a cave and began to mine, and found more caves and lots of iron.

One of the Zombie’s I was forced to kill in the cave dropped a potato?? I thought I would have to find a village to acquire potatoes but I guess not. I am growing potatoes now in my farm.

After being satisfied by the amount of iron I acquired, I tried to exit the cave, but discovered that I couldn’t find the way I had come in, running around in circles. I dug through the wall and my own exit, and emerged in a swamp. I spent the next chunk of my time lost in those swamps. I’m glad I got lost there of all places though, as I ended up finding slimes that I killed in self defense and got slimeballs that I later made leads out of. I made a 64 block tower of dirt with a torch atop it when I first got out of the cave to mark such a good mine; I used that tower to help find my way. I found a witch’s hut, but did not enter, knowing it was very dangerous. Night approached as I first saw the house, and I had my first encounter with Phantoms, as I had not slept in several days.

I eventually found my way back home, and might have kissed the ground if I had a button to do so. I am so happy to finally be home.

Day 7:

I returned to the Nether and entered the Fortress. I ran up the blaze spawners and blocked them all off with a wall of cobble, and placed torches around one which didn’t work. I soon realized that the spawners had no chests around them. I looked through what as far as I could tell was the rest of the Fortress, and none of the chests had Name Tags in them. I promptly left the Nether. Until I choose to go to the End, I will not be returning. Screw the Nether, everything I’ve done in the Nether has been an egregious waste of time, resources, effort, and life.

I went back to fishing. I crafted a boat and swam out a bit so no monsters could get me and set up shop. While fishing I caught a rod with Luck of the Sea II, Lure II, and Unbreaking III. No, I’m not kidding. It was on low durability so I went home, and merged it with my current fishing rod using my anvil.

I HAVE ACQUIRED NAME TAGS!!! I acquired them all through fishing. The first one I got I saw it as I reeled it in, and then it flew over my head. I scrambled around and out of the boat, swimming around until I found it. I named Tess first, as I needed to differentiate her from Lelo first and I wanted to let her out of the boat. She had been flapping her wings ever since she was put in the boat, and I know she was happy to finally be out. I accidentally hit Chocolate Milk while trying to break the boat; I’m sorry Chocolate Milk. They have now all been named, minus the dogs as they don’t despawn, and I opened up the way to Arnold’s Enclosure, before I remembered that wolves had spawned in there. I quickly blocked the enclosure back up. There was only one wolf in the enclosure, though before there had been four in there; I didn’t think wolves could despawn but apparently they can (Or they were killed by monsters.) I went to get bones, and then back into the enclosure and tamed the wolf inside. Welcome to the family Bernard.

I kinda don’t know what to do now. For the past few days the entirety of my time was dedicated to getting Name Tags for my companions. Almost everything I’ve done has been for them. I think I will just enjoy them for a while. I wasn’t there much while Lelo was growing up, and I’ve been on a mission since day 3; it’s day 7 now; I’ve been going in and out of the house without paying them as much attention as they deserve for longer than I have been paying them the attention they deserve. I gave them treats when I happened to have wheat or seeds in my inventory, but other than that they have sadly been neglected. I was so focused on keeping them safe and from despawning, I neglected their happiness. Well no more. From now on I’ll be showering them with the attention they deserve. Everything I’ve done so far has been for them, and it will continue to be. Chocolate Milk, Tess, Lelo, Norman, Betwood, Bernard, I love you all. Happy New Year.

#Minecraft #murder mention #death mention #Chocolate Milk the Sheep #Tess the Chicken #Lelo the Chicken #Bernard the Dog #Norman the Dog #Betwood the Dog