#i know my director is big mad for how many rehearsals I've missed | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hidefdoritos · 7 months

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Logging back on just to dump out thoughts about a bunch more work and life stuff.

Again, at work, there are 6 managers on my shift. Varying degrees of competence and likability, but I'm for sure on good terms with each of them. We also just recently lost their boss, "Tyler," a man who couldn't find his own nose in the dark. He quit and joined a pyramid scheme. Literally nobody is mad about it.

I have one manager, who I'll call Jeff, who is my biggest cheerleader for sure. He's been trying to get me on seasonal full-time. According to him last night, the admins (a group of people who collectively have their heads so far up their own behinds that they've never seen the light of day) have decided not to offer seasonal full time after all. None of the other managers had heard it yet, though.

I don't know if that means Jeff has a better line in, or if they're giving him the run-around. He's sick of the run-around too. He said, verbatim, "If I had my way, you'd already be full time, you could set your own schedule, and you could show up and do whatever the f--- you want." High praise indeed.

I have a mentor manager, who I'll call Kristy. Her daughter is my age, so she's always had a soft spot for me. Not like she has many rough spots anyway. Kristy elected to not try to win Tyler's position. "I don't want that level of responsibility," she said. I like that she's in a place where she's happy. She lost a parent earlier this year and sometimes I can still see a weight on her shoulders.

I have a frenemy manager, who I'll call Sara. Sara is "just hanging around until she runs this place." She knows how to suck up to the admits. She runs a mean newbie orientation class. I've also watched her be functionally useless in emergency situations and she truly doesn't care if people outside her department live or die. The sad part is I think she's a fine person outside of work, probably. We can talk and joke around. I like her fine when she's not my boss. I don't trust her. I know she went for Tyler's position. She wasn't there last night to confirm. I hope she didn't get it. Then again, I also don't want her directly managing real human beings, so she might be good over the managers.

I have a bestie manager, who I'll call Landon, because that's now becoming my code name for everyone in my life with one particular real name. (Same one who watched me pick up a hundred-pound box and said, in reverence, "You just scared me, CJ" which made me glow for like a week.) (Once, also, I was missing a choir rehearsal for work, and said that my director probably wanted to kill me a little bit. Landon observed, "At least he only wants to kill you a little bit," and I said, "Yeah, well, I only want to die a little bit!" Landon lost it. Jeff (mid-40s?) looked very concerned, which made both of us laugh harder.)

Landon tried for Tyler's position. I was really truly rooting for him to get it. Landon can run the place blindfolded and is genuinely nice to everyone. He compliments everyone's work and shows a belief in our abilities that does us credit. But, after work, he saw that Tyler's position was reposted to the company site. That could mean that none of the managers got promoted and they're looking for an external hire now. Or it could mean that an admin screwed up. Praying so hard for the latter. If it's the former, the admins didn't even have the courtesy to send a rejection email.

[Past child abuse tw for this section. Skip to the three big stars.] I did something so brave last night, something that past me would never have done. Landon has been doing one particular thing that makes my life way harder. Every time I report an equipment defect or something that isn't working well, he says, "Stop breaking s--t!" This is his pat response to everyone, for everything broken, because he can commit to a bit. However, I...well, I have history. Breaking things and being blamed for things are both pretty big triggers. Which I am working on. But it's happened quite a few times now, last night included.

I looped back around to him later when manager Tony (an IRL NPC) wasn't around. I asked a question about reporting broken equipment, and then said, "Hey, can I have a moment?" As best as I can recall, verbatim, I said, "This is not your fault; I'm not mad at you; just one thing. Please quit blaming me for breaking stuff."

His head dropped down but I could see him smiling, that sort of you-know-I-don't-mean-it look. But I continued. "I...grew up getting beat for breaking stuff. So I don't exactly..."

His expression went from come on to oh s--t pretty quickly. "Oh. I'm really sorry about that."

"It's okay. I don't exactly lead with that fun fact when I introduce myself."

"Yeah, but still, I'm sorry. I--"

"--It's okay--"

"I will stop."

"Yeah. Thanks!"

"I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that," he was saying, but I was already turned to walk away because that was overwhelming as heck. I sorta waved it off in the it doesn't matter way that you do when you just talked about trauma out of nowhere.

"I need to be more mindful," I heard him add before I was out of earshot.

Not my clearest communication, not my bravest standing my ground, but I think it was just fine for the situation. If it was almost anyone else, I would've kept sucking it up. But it hurts. And he's also my friend. And I trust him with that information. And it's not like he knew, so I didn't want to bite his head off about it. It didn't need to be a big deal. It took less than a minute to deal with. And it took ALL of my bravery. But I did it. And I didn't die. And now I have this as an anchor point for the next time that I need to tell a person to not do a thing.

Also, even for the rest of the night, he didn't look at me or talk to me one bit different. I'm almost crying just thinking about it. The love shown when people know I'm damaged but don't treat me any differently--I need to lie down.

***

I ended up stuck for quite a while with some paperwork snags about adjusting my schedule for holiday season/semester break. But the managers let me hang out in their office. I filled out the paperwork, hung around for a bit, asked about another thing, waited as Jeff checked some things for me, ate a muffin, and then just hung around on the clock. They all but directly invited me to do so. They value me enough to let me get an extra hour for almost nothing.

During the hour, Landon talked to me about Tyler. Apparently last week, Tyler called him up and tried to recruit him to his pyramid scheme. Could barely articulate what the company is selling, but was talking a lot about how you earn points and they're a big reward to you. Landon told him directly that it's a pyramid scheme and Tyler just doesn't see it, I guess.

I explained my favorite concept (modified from some tumblr post somewhere) to Landon. "See, the problem I find with pyramid schemes is that they concentrate all the money in the top percentage of users. That means most people are losing money. What I think is that if you bring everyone in on the top tier of profits, they all make money. Which is why I'm starting a pyramid scheme that sells pyramid scheme starter kits. That way we bring everyone in at the highest level and ensure their ROI--"

Landon cut me off devastatingly: "Ok Tyler."

I don't know exactly what my face did, but I have NEVER seen fear enter somebody's eyes that fast. His face puckered. Which made me laugh it off, which made him laugh. Of course he knows I'm not going to harm him, but still. The power is going to my head.

Landon also gave me some bonus employee rewards points. And asked me if I'd talked to Tyler after he screwed me over (no; I spent those last two weeks rehearsing "I hope your new position suits you well" as the one polite sentence just in case) and if he'd talked to me (no; the one time we walked toward each other, he crossed the aisle to avoid me). Also, this past week, Landon got a wrong number text for a "Samantha," and so Logan replied, "Oh, Sam changed her number" and gave the person Tyler's number. I laughed and laughed. Then was like, "Oh, you're just going to be giving it out to random telemarketers and signing him up for stuff." Landon's eyes lit up and he pulled out his phone and dictated a note: "Sign--Tyler--up--for--random--and--inappropriate--stuff." I'm glad that I don't have Tyler's number, email, or anything. I would've subscribed him to everything under the sun.

We all together talked about our pets. Landon has a cat. I wonder if it's fluffy. I'm thinking about Landon kind of a lot for someone who doesn't date coworkers.

I let everyone know that I want to get on track for tuition reimbursement as SOON as the paperwork gets sorted out. And that if my $5k doesn't come through, I'm quitting. Period.

I hope so hard that I don't have to follow through on that threat. I really like this job. It would suck massively to leave a job that's so satisfying with people who I care about so much. And honestly I probably wouldn't fully leave. But I'd be getting a second job at another warehouse place in town with tuition benefits, because I can't do this. The Purple Arrow Freight Company admins have already screwed me out of a trainer position and maybe out of a seasonal full-time position. If they screw me out of $5k I'm not dealing with this anymore.

All my managers are on my side. Hopefully they're able to pull some strings with the admins (without rendering themselves obnoxious, because the admins can also fire them). They know I'm an awesome worker, and additionally, they love me. They don't want to lose me because the admins are dumb.

#child abuse tw #abuse tw #abuse mention #moss is employed #EdFex #moss's musings

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