Convo from the 18+ discord about a very silly star wars crossover I wanted to share.
gremgeous the gem pillar
Just had a GREAT idea for a star wars crossover
Just dipper visiting the star wars universe for whatever reason (multiverse vacation maybe? Idk. Dipper maybe dusted off that old portal in a fit of nostalgia or smth) and palpatine finds him and tries to tempt alcor to his side by offering him power
Standard stuff for the sith really
Except
Well
If you offer a demon unspecified power, in what form are they going to take it if not in the one who is offering's soul?
Biggest and best tasting power boost there is, really!
And then maybe he takes over the empty shell of a body afterwards which may or may not grant him force acess and alcor has a grand old time making a mess out of running the republic (or at least running lose in the senate)
This is like... early prequals or pre-preauals era maybe.
When palpafucker is still undercover and being all covert and unsuspicious and stuff
I call this.... "palpatines penechance for grand speeches and unspecific ominous statements to try and seem all powerful and cool and dramatic fuck him over"
Or in shorter terms ... . "There's a demon lose in the senate"
And it basically runs like that one john mullaney bit
With a side dashing of that one journak 3 thing where bill posesses a guy, messes with a roman army and then makes a guys head explode
Also like nobody knows who alcor is or that hes even there bc theres no demons or dream demons in star wars (that i know of) so he gets the run of the place
Even moreso than back home in gravity falls bc no one knows magic, its all "force this" and "force that"
Dippered probably spends a lot of time nerding out over the different alien species since they dont have those back in his dimension (theyve got aliens but theyre different kinds) and also about the laser swords (just like the one Grunkle Ford made for them all (Ford, Dipper, Mabel, Stan, Soos, Grenda, Candy, Grendas boyfriend, Pacifica, and even waddles and gompers) back in 2017! Good times, good times.)
swbeeworm
oh this sounds like fun
gremgeous the gem pillar
Right???
swbeeworm
if i was familiar enough with the star wars universe to write anything in it i'd give this a shot
gremgeous the gem pillar
right???
swbeeworm
like i know star wars?? but i don't know star wars n i have to know something to be confident in writing it
gremgeous the gem pillar
Sadly everything i know comes from time travel fixit and semi-salty pro-jedi meta
swbeeworm
but just.... the sheer chaotic potential of this...
gremgeous the gem pillar
Gosh yes.......
Oh its be so good..........
swbeeworm
oh mood
it would be
gremgeous the gem pillar
@Abigor u like star wars too gimme ur thooooughts
When ur awake and have them to give
swbeeworm
ugh i should. probably not be awake, i have stuff to do tomorrow n i have a headache
but this is fun to think about
gremgeous the gem pillar
I had another thing thats fun to think abt too
Clone wars era, alcors there and everyon thinks hes a brand new sith player b/c gold eyes
swbeeworm
just the shenanigans. the bullshittery. the sheer what-le-fuck reactions of everyone from the senate to the jedi to the people
ooooooooo
gremgeous the gem pillar
YES!!! Exactly.
gremgeous the gem pillar
Oooooh jedi can do mind things i wonder what alcor wpuld feel like to them
swbeeworm
my first instinctive responses were:
1) constant Screaming and a whirlwind mishmash of colors/concepts/etc that makes everyone who 'looks' too long start bleeding thru the nose/eyes
2) wii music on loop
and these are VERY different prompts to have back to back but that's what i got
gremgeous the gem pillar
AKDHSGGSHD I LOVE IT
Oh what if its both at the same time
Ajdhegdhdj what rven is the music like in star wars anyway
swbeeworm
the fkin,,,, cantina music
gremgeous the gem pillar
Like how would they react when confronted w wii music
swbeeworm
is the equivalent
i would think
gremgeous the gem pillar
Do they even have the same sorts of instruments
do they even know what electronic music is
swbeeworm
just. that spawned another Thought
imagine that the cantina music from That One Scene is the sw-equivalent of the wii music and just. just imagine that same scene playing but with wii music on loop in the background
gremgeous the gem pillar
Gosh "wii music on loop" i love it
AODHDHSHSJD
swbeeworm
it would probably FIT
they have the same vibe
gremgeous the gem pillar
Im crying
Mits so good
swbeeworm
sdjlksdafj i saw a post the other day that was talking abt the music there n how it kept playing on loop n the poster joked that it might have been like,, the john mulaney salt-pepper-diner-story situation
which is only tangentially related to this topic but i had to recall it
gremgeous the gem pillar
AJSHH i love that
Gosh ok i feel like take 1 would fit with the new sith in town scenario
And take 2 fits with theres a demon lose in the senate
swbeeworm
sfsdkfjh yES
gremgeous the gem pillar
But how FUCKING HILARIOUS would it be if in the senate story its the former, and in the oh so serious sith story its the wii music on loop im akdhsjdvsjdhsjbd
swbeeworm
ASLDJSLKFJ
plEASE
take 1: gritty, serious, angst, deadly miscommunications--and fucking wii music on loop
take 2: lighthearted, cracky, shenanigans and bullshittery--and fucking bleeding out the eyes if you try n read the guy
talk about dissonance
gremgeous the gem pillar
"Big scary sith! Look at the yellow eyes! What dastardly plots cpuld he be thinking/partaking in....."
[Hard cut to alcor pov/inside alcors head]
wii music plays as he stares off into space during a supposedly very important meeting
gremgeous the gem pillar
OH I DO LOVE THE DISSONANCE
Gsjdgysgsvsjgd wheeze its so good i love it
swbeeworm
me tooooo
.....for the sith one. would ppl see blue fire n think lightning
gremgeous the gem pillar
Theyd probably think its some other secret sith technique
swbeeworm
fair enough
gremgeous the gem pillar
Everyone thinks one of the other sith lines that was supposedly wiped out had it since this sith deffs aint the line of bane- even the cirrent sith wanna know where alcors popped in from
"Lightning was the bane line specialty.... guess where ever this kids guys from fire was theirs"
swbeeworm=
adjlsdfkjlfkjf the shenanigans n bullshittery one imagine alcor-as-palpatine just. going incorporeal, still visible but not able to be touched, and the jedi go from "what the fuck is going on" to "why the fuck is he a force ghost"
gremgeous the gem pillar
AJSGSHSGSHSA
swbeeworm
alcor, who'd done it only bc his ~ornate robes~ had got so caught/tangled on something he could only get free by phasing through it: ??????
gremgeous the gem pillar
wheeze
Alcor: how the fuck did this guy move around in these
AJDHSGDH ALCOR NOT KNOWING ABOUT THE SITH- SHOWS UP TO THE SENATE IN THE SITH ROBES
swbeeworm
asdlkjsfkjsdfdf
gremgeous the gem pillar
CALLS IT A "FASHION STATEMENT" WHEN CALLED OUT ON IT
swbeeworm
a fASHION STATEMENT YES
alcor: :blobsweats:
alcor: what the FUCK is a sith
alcor: and why do they have better style than the jedi
gremgeous the gem pillar
WHEEZE
He doesnt know jack shit abt the jedi or anything hes just vibing!!!!!!
swbeeworm
yesssssss
gremgeous the gem pillar
AJDGSGGDJS YOU KNOW WHATVWPUKD BE EVEN BETTER
ALCOR THINKS THE SITH LOOK IS TACKY AF
swbeeworm
alcor: no listen. listen. i picked these space robes out of my space wardrobe because they looked cool, not because i'm part of some. some space cult
ljflskdajfslkdfjsd
gremgeous the gem pillar
BUT HE STILL THINKS ITS BETTER THAN THE JEDI
swbeeworm
that's even better
gremgeous the gem pillar
space cult im HOWLING
swbeeworm
you KNOW he'd be so excited at being in space this DORK
gremgeous the gem pillar
Ph gosh imagine it starts out all dark and serious and angsty and creepy in the whole beginning exchange
But as soon as the day after alcor takes up palps role hits it takes a sharp turn into crack terriotry
gremgeous the gem pillar
OH HE WOULD
swbeeworm
yESSSS
gremgeous the gem pillar
Alcor takes one look at dooku and is like "youre the only one aroynd here with any sort of fashion sense"
"And its HORRIBLE"
swbeeworm
sljflskdjfsd
gremgeous the gem pillar
Just roasts him
And by extension everyone else too
swbeeworm
dooku has NO IDEA what's going on but at this point ""palpatine"" or whatever's taken over him is ten minutes into a rant abt the layers on layers of boring robes jedi wear and at this point he'll take the backhanded compliment about his own style
gremgeous the gem pillar
Akehdsjfssksgsjd
swbeeworm
just to shut him up
gremgeous the gem pillar
AKDHDJDGDJDHD
Alco goes on a 30 minute rant on why suits are SO much more professional
swbeeworm
snaps "palpatine" into a suit and goes "...except maybe for this guy idk if anything could make him look good"
gremgeous the gem pillar
And its more of a backhanded insukt than a backhanded compliment but anything to shut the guy up, right?
swbeeworm
how much we roasting palpatine here
gremgeous the gem pillar
To a blackened crisp
swbeeworm
as it should be
gremgeous the gem pillar
Its better than his wrinkly old rasin look anyday
swbeeworm
lskjdlsakjfdf
agreed
gremgeous the gem pillar
Be hard NOT to improve on that honestly
But the dude sinks so low i bet hed somehow manage it
swbeeworm
--alcor getting fed up w palpatine's body and just. showing up to the senate meetings, full alcor, eyes n his normal face n everything, in palpatine's robes, and when someone rightfully asks him who the hell is he, he just deadpans "i'd think by this point you'd recognize your own chancellor" and just straight insists he's palpatine (and has the knowledge to back it up) every time someone sputters
gremgeous the gem pillar
Also i included the bit abt the journal 3 thing bc my saga of alcor repeating bill's patterns, behaviors, and ideas unknowlingly and without awareness that that is what he is doing shall continue >:3c
gremgeous the gem pillar
AODHAJDBAKWJHEVEJDJDHSHSHSJWOWKJEHEE
I LOVE IT
OH HOW I LOVE OT
ALSOWHSKJDISOSOAJAIW
Oh gosh what if he fuckin
swbeeworm
because at this point it's less about blending in and more about trolling the whole senate and being as distracting as possible because with everyone paying attention to his trolling theyre less likely to notice the bills for clone rights n abolishing slavery n such that he's pushing thru in the background
misdirection at its finest
gremgeous the gem pillar
I was gonna say a thing abt alcor replacing palps b4 the election and so they did elect alcor to chancelorhoood
But it might be funnier if he took him over AFTER abd still says that bit abt recognizing their own chancellor
Oh gosh in that secind scenario it would be hilarious if the jedi are all :blobglare: @alcor except for obi-wan who is all like "i am looking away" bc at least THIS guy (whiever the hell he is) has stopped being such a creep abt anakin
swbeeworm
the jedi are sent in to figure out wtf is going on and. they, unfortunately, bewilderingly, confirm that this is the same person as the chancellor who'd been showing up recently??? same wii music/bleeding effect??
swbeeworm
alcor, finding appointments with some random jedi kid on palpatine's calendar: wtf why is this creep trying to meet with a kid alone, yeah how about i cancel that
gremgeous the gem pillar
AKDJDJD
Alcor, looking at palpatibes planner: "every day i am more and more glad that i ate thig guys soul"
"Like i knew it was oily but im suprised i havent got an upset stomach from it yet"
swbeeworm
sjlskdfjsdf
alcor the next day, after finding stuff abt the order 66 chip things, gagging: "i spoke too soon"
gremgeous the gem pillar
Obi-wan to the council: hmm? Yes this is totally the chancellor, i know this because of all the previous meetings and close relationship he has had with my padawan which you allowed and helped facillitate-
"Palpatine":[has a completley different body type, height, and face. Plus he actually has hair and is maybe even floating a little but its hard to be sure in those black and gold robes- and with a completely different voice] oh, yeah, totally, Im the chancellor and i totally know who this guy and that kid is yup yup yup-
gremgeous the gem pillar
[UGLY LAUGHTER]
AkdjskkdkdjsysAODJSJEUEIEIIEF
swbeeworm
ASDKAFDF
"palpatine": [grins with very sharp teeth at a nervous senator]
council: "okay that is NOT normal"
obi-wan, deadpan: "i'm sorry, it sounds like you're discriminating against non-human beings? that's not very jedi of you now is it"
gremgeous the gem pillar
ALDHDJDHD
Wait wait no what if its
"This is completely normal behavior. I, as a human, know this for certain"
"I can do this too, but i dont, because it is impolite, but hes the chancellor he can do whatever he wants"
swbeeworm
asldksajflksdfjsdf;jsdf
yes yes beautiful
gremgeous the gem pillar
Alcor and obi-wan team up to be passive agressive at everyone who allowed palps and anakin to hang out ABOUT them letting an unsupervised minor chill w a suoer duper old guy
Shoulda had a chaperone at LEAST
Butalso
swbeeworm
the other humans on the council: "uh, actually-"
obi-wan: [manages to sip tea (which he shouldn't even have access to in a council meeting btw) with an aggressively polite smile and silent Threat]
the other humans: "....um."
gremgeous the gem pillar
"Thats not very jedi of you now is it" AODHSJSIDHALSVD IM HOWLING I LOVE IT THE SASS
wheeze*
swbeeworm
i live for obi-wan sass it gives me LIFE
gremgeous the gem pillar
SAME
oh its so good
Love that one post where obj-wan is on tatooine and calls all the force ghosts to view his powperpoint presentation about how letting palps have acess to analin was a bad idea as hed been saying all along-
swbeeworm
u need to know i wrote this with the "that's not very plus ultra of you" meme, which is a bnha offshoot of the "that's not very cash money of you" meme, in my head on repeat
gremgeous the gem pillar
Ph him terrorizing all the people palpatine had in his pocket......
Ok this is veering into even MORE crack territory but at some poibt alcor replaces, uh, whats the dudes name, palps second in command - mess something-or-other? - with a nightmare
Not just ANY nightmare
But a DIFFERENT nightmare each day
swbeeworm
ASDLSDFKLDJF
PLEASE
gremgeous the gem pillar
They took it upon themselves to go on rotation
They couldn't decide who should go when alcor proposed the idea so its everyone
One at a time
They dont even look REMOTELY human
Or like anything the galaxy has ever known or seen
And theres no "secretive supernatural species" excuse for them to fall back on here lmao
swbeeworm
random dude: "what is that???"
alcor, cheerful: "that's my assistant"
rd: "is that--is that supposed to be a sheep?"
alcor: "no they're my assistant"
nightmare: [sound that, if you ignore the reverb and microphone-screeching and kazoo effects, might be a "baaa"]
alcor: [smiles aggressively wider with sharp teeth]
rd: [sweats nervously]
gremgeous the gem pillar
ALDJDKSIEJEHAJWJWHEI
Obi-wan: i am still l :eyes:king away
Anakin: oooh, the wool is so soft master. Come feel it!
Obi-wan: really? Ooh youre right
The council: ....
swbeeworm
rd: "okay but this is a DIFFERENT one than yesterday right?? right???"
alcor: "i have absolutely no idea what you're talking about :)"
obi-wan, still with tea he should not have, this time with space whiskey mixed in: "sir i think you might be seeing things, they are clearly the same individual as yesterday"
gremgeous the gem pillar
Mace: ...hrm it is quite soft-
The rest of the council: ??? When did he get-
gremgeous the gem pillar
AKDJDJDHDHD
JUST LYING THROUGH HIS TEETH ALDJDHFJF
swbeeworm
obi-wan looking mace dead in the eye and chugging his spiked tea which is more whiskey than tea at this point: "how dare you accuse me of lying. me, after everything i've done for this council. i am betrayed. heartbroken. never shall trust again. i am leaving until i recover"
-and promptly fucks off on a vacation with anakin
gremgeous the gem pillar
The jedi start getting a LOT more missions about busting slave rings and giving aid in the outer rim - plus some more dimplomacy docused ones in regards to solving teeaties instead of putting down rebellions
-alcor shows up on the vacation with zero explanation and obi-wan at this point is like "fuck it why not"
-a nightmare takes his place in palpatine's robes in the senate for the week they're gone
gremgeous the gem pillar
ALSJSHDJDJSKDHEE
Weirdly enough some of the more corrupt senators go missing after that week
No one knows what hapoebed to them but the robes the "chancellor" wore that week have some awfully suspicious stains
WAIT WAIT
WHAT IF ITS NOT A NIGHTMARE
WHAT IF ITS GOMPERS
alcor didn't even ASK gompers to be there he was planning to not even warn anyone n just vanish but gompers just SHOWED UP
the nightmares were the ones who put the robes on him
gremgeous the gem pillar
Alcor doesn't even KNOW gomoers is there
He gets back after the week and is like "what the heck"
The nightmares are pretty proud of themselves for that one
swbeeworm
the nightmares, collectively: "this is gonna be HILARIOUS"
alcor, halfway across the galaxy, sees a newsfeed of a senate meeting with gompers in the robes in his place, and spits his drink clear across the room
he's only mad because he didn't think of it in the first place
gremgeous the gem pillar
wheeze
Hes proud of them
swbeeworm
he IS
gremgeous the gem pillar
Its so HILARIOUS
swbeeworm
i pity anyone trying to read this mess later but i hope we at least make them laugh once
gremgeous the gem pillar
Same
Its such a joy
Alcor teaches anakin the secret to mabel juice
swbeeworm
oh no
gremgeous the gem pillar
Only the children thank him
The minders.... not so much
swbeeworm
alcor: "okay so what i'm hearing is, the adult jedi have been making Stupid Decisions and not paying as much attention to the kids, as evidenced by them letting that one kid have meetings one on one with the creepy older guy i stopped putting effort into impersonating a month ago. so, clearly what needs to happen is something that forces the adults to pay attention to the kids and start keeping a closer eye on them, but it can't be something that actually hurts the kids because then i'd feel bad"
alcor: "...."
alcor: :blobamused:
gremgeous the gem pillar
akdhdjsgshsjhdsjdjdj
swbeeworm
alcor in a totally not suspicious trench coat and sunglasses: "hey. hey, kid. you wanna try some mabel juice?"
gremgeous the gem pillar
AKDJDJDJDLFKFIFJIF
WHEEZE
"With the creepy older guy i stopped putting effort into impersonating a month ago" ALDJDBDJDJDDHDHDJDJDJDJDJDJDJSJDJEJEJE
gremgeous the gem pillar
AKSJSHDJDJF
swbeeworm
star wars kids: "mr chancellor why are you wearing that"
alcor: "because i think it's funny"
kids: "it isn't"
alcor: "look do you want the juice or not"
gremgeous the gem pillar
I LOVE ALL OF THAT
LOOK DO YOU WANT THE JUICE OR NOT
swbeeworm
i am having WAY too much fun with this ldjsldkfjdsf;
gremgeous the gem pillar
"Were not supposed to take drugs from strangersl"
"Its not- just take it!"
Hooooh man thats so funny
Oh gosh
Alcor uses a different time/date system
Than the star wars one
swbeeworm
ooooooo yes
gremgeous the gem pillar
Nit super sure where im going with this but....
Pretty sure he woukdnt know the star wars one
At all
Maybe the in-umuverse knockoff calendar maybe
Hes wnough of a nerd to have that memorized
But the star wars proper one
No, no i dont think he knows that one
swbeeworm
nope no chance
gremgeous the gem pillar
Omg yes
gremgeous the gem pillar
Well its a good thing we have this..... and the mistaken sith version too :blobamused:
WAIT WAIT QAIT
FLASH OF INSPIRATION
ALCOR GIVING ANAKIN THE STRANGER DANGER PPT
swbeeworm
i have 1 scene i can think of that actually almost made my friend cry and i have 1 au scene of a different au of mine where a character who canonically dies and gets brought back to life...doesn't come back (which is extra angst bc this is a Ghost Seeing Fic) and both of these i wrote at like 3-4am
swbeeworm
SDFJKSDLFSJf YES
:blobamused:
gremgeous the gem pillar
Alcor: "you know, i usually save this one for the kids who followed the stranger with the nice candy into the alleyway and end up as sacrifices but I feel like you could benefit from it too"
swbeeworm
alcor: "no talking to suspicious ppl"
anakin: "except you right?"
alcor: "....in any other situation i'd say no but if i say that you're just gonna up and leave (i see that grin thanks very much) so in this one singular personal case it is fine that you trust my very suspicious self"
gremgeous the gem pillar
AKSJSJDJJD
"My very suspicious self" Aksjdhdd
swbeeworm
obi-wan, straight up knocking back shots now: "the man has a point anakin"
gremgeous the gem pillar
Haha nice
Obi-wan is taking notes
Hes also re-inventing alcoholic mabel juice
He weaseled the recipie out of the kids
swbeeworm
asldfkjsdlkfjd imagine if somehow SIDIOUS CAME BACK and tries to take back over the senate but everyone at this point is used to alcor and one of two things happens:
1) they assume this is alcor messing with them with a clone/double (they don't know how he'd do it but at this point given his "assistants", the goat that somehow made more eloquent speeches than the "human", and the other things involved, they wouldn't put it past him) and just ignore him
2) they look between the real palpatine who'd been pushing thru some very sketchy bills, and between alcor who's been sneaking through law after law protecting all kinds of sentients, and they turn back to palpatine and go "how dare you impersonate the chancellor" and kick him out
swbeeworm
at this point he deserves it tbh
gremgeous the gem pillar
AKDJDJDHFDJDJDJD
Ok i preffer him dead and gone and forgotten in favor of alcor (its what he deserves) but oh those are hilarious
swbeeworm
agreed
to both counts alsdjalsdk
gremgeous the gem pillar
ESPECIALLY if the senate chooses to keep alcor over palps XD
Ph man we can work that into him being dead and gone too- alcor starts dispersing the power and the other half of the senate w bail and padme are like "yeah seems legit" along w obi-wan
The jedi only put like, a token effort into investigating and are more put out by trying to figure out what happened to the real palpatine and all his past shady dealings than exposing the current "palpatine" for a fake
swbeeworm
palpatine: "excuse me?? i am the chancellor of this republic"
councilmembers, with the same deadpan as alcor's been pulling on them all year: "sir, i think you're confused. this is the chancellor"
[points to alcor, in palpatine's robes from his closet, making no attempt to hide his lack of resemblance to palpatine, with a nightmare at his side wearing a small top hat that proclaims its position as "chancellor's assistant"]
palpatine: [screams of frustration]
gremgeous the gem pillar
Once they reaize the shift in mission assignments can be attributed to new palp
gremgeous the gem pillar
AKDJDJDJSJSJSBEJSJSJSHSJSKS
swbeeworm
yesss this
gremgeous the gem pillar
I wanna say maul gets the joy and pleasure of offibg palpatine the second time in that version
swbeeworm
FINALLY they get a chance to pull one back over on someone, pass along the suffering a little bit
swbeeworm
oh definitely
oh shit we've been at this for an hour
gremgeous the gem pillar
Maul comes back and offs palps and evrryone is jist like "Maul!!! How?!?" And completley ignore the palpatibe corpse 2.0
Ajdhhd so we have
Niiiight book
Also from a tumblr post the phrase "your pal friendpatine" is hilarious and i think yall shoukd enjoy it too
As is "SOMEHOW... MAUL RETURNS"
Both taken from the same post lol
Okokok so switchibg tracks for a bit
Revisiting Some groundwork for the mistaken sith version
Alcor is there..... because al-v was there first, made friends with the droid army mid clone war, and caled his dad in to help
Which puts alcors initial point of contact as the separost foot soldiers
gremgeous the gem pillar
No matter what the dominant language alcor has most recently been using
OH OH OH
ALCOR WITH ACESS TO OTHER UNIVERSE SLANG
CONFUSING ALL THE SENATE WITH HIS NONSENSICAL PHRASES AND IDIOMS AND SLANG/PROFANITY LIKE "over the moon" AND "hot belgian waffles" AND "fuck"
"Palpatine": [drops paperwork he JUST spent so much time disorganizing (as in putting in a dissaray)] FUCK
Senator: .... sir, what is a 'fuck'
"Palpatine": ......... im not explaining that to you
Or conversley he makes smth up
Alcor, upon realizing the most common swear word is "kriff': yeaht hats stupid im not saying that
Alcor mercilessly roasting the star wars profanity
And how stupid they all sound.
This one is great for the al-v and alcor make friend w a droid army and maybe-sorta steal them while massivelt confusing and mystifying everyone along the way, bc why not add a language barrier on top of all the other assumptions and misunderstandings >:D
But also at the same time it would make sense for him to have got thw local language in an infodump somewhere along the line (maybe an older version) if its located in a different galaxy but the same universe........... but also what if theyre just suoer far away so he didnt get priority acess...... or even if he traveled back in time .............
[Shrug] idk
Mwanwhile inexplicably having the same language is hilarious in the demon lose in the senate ons but also imagine alcor pretending to be palpatine while unable to speak the common tongue lolol
I know it wouldnt work (he has to be able to understand palpatine on some level to take MASSIVE advantage of him and eat his soul) but it is hilarious to think abt the shenanigans............
OH GOSH ALCOR TAKING CONTROL OF THE SENAT BUT BEING UNABLE TO R E A D AKDBSKSKJFF
Okokok
Imagine the basic/english language inexplicably being the same structure w a few different words and concepts...... when spoken
And completley different when written down
SO ALCOR CAN SPEAK
BUT HE CANT READ
Meanwhile in mistaken for a sith land alcor either doesnt have any knowledge of the local language or else gets a SUPER OLD AND POSSIBLE DEAD LANGUAGE in an infodump (to help feed the misunderstandings and rumors and future clashes w the sith and the jedi hehhehheh) bc semi-omniscience is not total omniscience and so is not everything and, once again, is not very helpful
But ill leave off for tonight on the thought of alcor, lose in the senate, in the seat of the chancellor, lord of all paperwork for the galactic republic....... and able to read NONE of it
And barely understands it too (demons are not ones for politics, Brian the Organ Duck and his 200 year sucessful presidency run aside) (his is soemthing of the exception, not the rule.)
Meanwhile all those humanitarian aid bills and the like are all being passed by bail and padmes group all over the place bc their strange and inexplicable source of resistance was devoured like, a week ago
Not ones to look a gift horse in ths mouth until AFTER they get what they want the group passes a ton of bills without delay - and manages to break up a few monopolies along the way
Now im not saying that "palpatine" suddenly acting off and the bills facing a lot less resistance is a noticeable coincidence...... and around the same time he stops asking after anakin ............... but im totally saying they notice it and realize its probably, absolutely, not a coincidence and theyre not going to say anything bc they like this new "palpatine" better. Despite all the other mindbending weirdness and mindfuckery going on there
The jedi are only mad abt alcor bc a few of their own started bleeding from the eyes nose and ears when they tried to investigate initially so theyre a little ticked off abt that, which, fair.
Also the blantant lying and lack of trying on alcors part is a little insulting to them as a whole ("does he think we'll really fall for that") and is slightly concerning to them ("who the heck is this, someone is inpersonating the chancellor of the ENTIRE REPUBLIC-" Which is, admittedly, a little concern worthy) but if the council is honest (or some of the council anyway) with themselves its pretty much the darn best entertainmnt theyve had in a good long while, headaches aside, sot ehyll focus more on the okd palpatines dissapernace and dealings than the new "palpatine" so long as he doesnt start doing anything ACTIVELY damaging to the republic. A little mischief doesnt technically count as harm- and hey theys preffer to find the og chancellor b4 upsetting and potnetially causing the new one to do smth drastic by attsmpting to out him (not that alcor would, its so much funnier to deny everything to their faces while blatantly lying but they dont know that. So caution (and stress) it is)
21 notes
·
View notes
REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 17th February 2019
We have a new #1, and a very busy week before the BRITs. Let’s get on with it.
Top 10
As I said, there’s a new #1 hit today on the UK Singles Chart – for its first week on both the #1 spot and the chart overall (Yup, it is a debut), it’s “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” by Ariana Grande, becoming her 18th Top 40 hit and fifth #1 (Second to debut at the spot this year). This is because of her incredibly successful thank u, next album, which was the most-streamed album of all time for a female artist, and is currently occupying all top three spots on the Billboard Hot 100 in America. Now that’s impressive, although it did sell a bit less than I thought at more than 300k+... also the album sucked, it was a strong four at best. I’ll talk more about it later.
This means that Ariana Grande has blocked herself at #1, in fact has pushed herself off, as “7 rings” is down a spot to number-two.
Surprisingly, Lewis Capaldi enters the top three with “Someone You Loved”, up six spots to number-three. The album’s out soon so expect this to hit the top.
Sam Smith and Normani’s “Dancing with a Stranger” is down one space to number-four.
At number-five is where Mabel stays since last week, with “Don’t Call Me Up”.
Calvin Harris and Rag’n’Bone Man’s “Giant” is down two spaces to number-six.
Also down one space to number-seven is “Wow.” by Post Malone.
Now we have our second top 10 debut by Ariana Grande, “needy”, also from the album thank u, next. It’s at number-eight, and is Grande’s 19th Top 40 hit and 12th Top 10 hit. We’ll talk more about it later.
Unfortunately due to Grande and Capaldi, two good songs are barely hanging on at the end of the top 10. Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus’ “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” is down one space to number-nine.
Billie Eilish’s “bury a friend” is also down three spaces to #10, rounding off our top 10.
Climbers
Well, there’s more than I expected to be on this week specifically, but there’s not all too many. “Going Bad” by Meek Mill and Drake is up five spots to #13, probably because of the video, while possibly due to awards season, Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper’s “Shallow” is also up five spots to #21, “Grace” by Lewis Capaldi is up 14 spaces to #26. Then we have recent debuts like “Swervin” by A Boogie wit da Hoodie featuring 6ix9ine up seven spots to #27, “a lot” by 21 Savage featuring J. Cole up seven spots to #29 and “i’m so tired...” by LAUV and Troye Sivan up six spaces to #33, all of which I’m rooting for.
Fallers
I expected a LOT of these due to the sheer amount of new arrivals (There’s seven), and I mean, eh, we got some, mostly due to streaming cuts though. After a couple weeks, the UK Singles Chart makes the importance of streaming in a song’s chart placement lessen, if that makes sense, and this has happened to “Sweet but Psycho” by Ava Max down nine spaces to #11, Post Malone and Swae Lee’s Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse cut “Sunflower” down 13 spaces to #23, and potentially “Without Me” by Halsey down 11 spots to #28, this week. Otherwise, well, we have the fortunate five-space fall for “Undecided” by Chris Brown to #25, and falls for The Weeknd and Gesaffelstein with “Lost in the Fire” down 11 spaces to #35, as well as Kehlani and Ty Dolla $ign’s “Nights Like This” down eight spots to #38. I’m almost sad that song didn’t drop 15 spaces so I could make one of those awful quips about Ty Dolla $ign serving 15 years in prison for cocaine possession.
Dropouts
Streaming cuts also hurt “Close to Me” by Ellie Goulding, Diplo and Swae Lee, out from #27 (Peaking at #17), while “One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa is out from #38 (Peaking at #1) – about time. Oh, I might as well say that whilst “thank u, next” by Ariana Grande did drop out from #28 (Peaking at #1), it’s not because it’s less popular now, it’s because that there are at least three more popular songs from the thank u, next album, and that’s all the UK Singles Chart allows at once. This is a good rule because it prevents album bombs, but it means the chart is less accurate in actually showing what people are listening to. I bet that song comes back next week anyway. Oh, and there’s more drop-outs: We have “Leave Me Alone” by Flipp Dinero out from #38 (Peaking at #30), “Saturday Nights” by Khalid out from #35 (Peaking at #31) and “18HUNNA” by Headie One and Dave out from #32 (Peaking at #6). These are all premature, so expect these come back, or at least one of them. Fredo’s “All I Ever Wanted” featuring Dave is out from #15 (Peaking at #15) after the album’s hype died down, whilst streaming cuts have pushed both “Hold My Girl” by George Ezra out from #23 (Peaking at #8) and “ZEZE” by Kodak Black featuring Offset and Travis Scott out from #21 (Peaking at #7) off the chart.
Returning Entries
The only returning entry this week is due to the tragic death of rapper Cadet at 25, whose passing has caused his song with Deno Driz, “Advice”, to return at #36. Rest in peace. Now, on a lighter note, here are our returning entries:
NEW ARRIVALS
#40 – “Thotiana” – Blueface
Hell yeah, Blueface, baby. Okay, so you know Blueface, don’t even say you don’t – you’re a filthy liar if so, because he has been all over the Internet due to viral videos of him rapping, because he doesn’t tend to rap conventionally, and he often has funny one-liners. There are purposeful off-beat moments throughout his songs, especially “Deadlocs”, but it’s mostly just inspiration from people like E-40 who would rap in a different way when they came across a beat that fit their unorthodox flow. Anyways, despite his most on-beat song to date, “Bleed It”, being an obvious contender for breakout hit, it seems like “Thotiana” has got the most traction, and hence, here it is. It’s been in the top 40 in the US for a couple weeks, and has got remixes from Desiigner, YG and even Cardi B (Who, by the way, absolutely kills it with an outrageous and hilarious verse, which I unfortunately can’t repeat any lines from because Tumblr might flag me with an adult content restriction – yeah, they’re that nasty). Despite that, it seems to be that the original version is the one that landed in the top 40. It’s obviously his first hit, and, to be honest, I love it to death. It’s barely two minutes and only consists of gliding pianos and smooth keys under a West Coast beat (With some banging percussion), as well as a slightly shrill synth, yet it feels so full, probably because of Blueface and all his ad-libs, including the iconic “Yeah, aight”. The hook is insanely catchy and beyond the meme, Blueface’s flow is great, somewhat complex at points and borders on spoken word in his verse, with so many references of what he says being “on the gang” that you’d think he has a verbal tic. This probably isn’t his funniest or most memorable song but it is a damn great one. Oh, but there’s also this:
Ain’t no runnin’, Thotiana, you gon’ take these damn strokes
Uh, yeah, well, um... Yikes, okay, I’m just going to leave it there. Great song, check it out. Check out the Cardi B remix though, it’s even better.
#37 – “Breathe” – CamelPhat and Cristoph featuring Jem Cooke
Damn, CamelPhat, I love these guys. Every song they’ve released that hit the charts has been some of the best EDM I’ve heard come out of the UK electronic scene in years, and they know how to make a fun, catchy dance song feel cinematic and in the case of songs like “Cola” with Elderbrook, almost avant-garde. A lot of UK dance by more obscure names has hit the charts last year, and impressed me as well, especially Loud Luxury, so I’m excited to see what CamelPhat have got up their sleeves this time for their third top 40 hit, and the first for Cristoph and Jem Cooke.
Yeah, so, this feels oddly 90s at the start, with those nice warm synths, then the indie-pop singer of the week comes in with her raspy voice covered in reverb, with pretty much no build-up before we get to a deep bassline and finger-snaps come in, almost like a sped-up Chicago house beat. The beat increases in intensity with a higher pitched bass as the chorus comes in but there’s not really a drop, just a continuation of the instrumental, because it still feels restrained and isolated, despite the theatricality of the whole ordeal, and that really fits the title because it’s an anxious song, and it takes a damn long while for that tension release to come in. Unlike “breathin” by Ariana Grande from last year, that was also about anxiety and self-help, this isn’t repetitive to a fault, rather while Jem Cooke yells at herself that she needs her to breathe again, the beat is almost like a train pushing down the tracks and the finale climax when her vocals echo, “Again, again, again, again”, is the train hitting her and killing her. Grande’s song was a pump-up anthem but this is just a pure burst of self-frustration hurled at the listener, and while it’s nowhere near as good as “Panic Room” in expressing panic, isolation and anxiety (Yeah, it is kind of a retread), this is still pretty great.
#34 – “Who Do You Love” – The Chainsmokers featuring 5 Seconds of Summer
Oh, these seven guys again. Look, I like enough of both of these artists’ songs to give them a pass, but a collaborative single between the two is just a mediocrity sandwich. It’s not going to be anything interesting or new or even worthwhile, it’s just going to be a two-dude EDM duo producing for one dude called Luke or something with four other dudes (Who supposedly play instruments on any of their singles – yeah, right). This is the Chainsmokers’ ninth top 40 single in the UK and 5 Seconds of Summer’s ninth as well, and it kind of sucks. What a surprise. We start off promising with distorted piano, a deep 808 bass and what sounds like a high-pitched, siren-like guitar, with Luke crooning, until... it has an acoustic breakdown in which Luke has too many vocal effects put onto him for it to work, and he sounds too fast, like a lot of these EDM guys make people sound like... until, that weak drop with an unfitting build-up. It just sounds like all five seconds saying “Blam-blam, hoopty-doopty, doo-doo” in unison over some cloudy synths and an ugly bass wobble. I know that’s the point, but this song is supposed to be taken seriously, and I don’t think any of the seven dudes involved noticed that at any point. Chainsmokers, guys, you’ll never top “Everybody Hates Me” (Note that their best song isn’t supposed to be taken seriously... or at least I hope not). Blech, I hope this goes away, this really is not worth any staying power.
#30 – “Just You and I” – Tom Walker
Both this and his other song, “Leave a Light On”, were featured in advertisements, boosting their place on the charts. This one has an album attached to it. That should tell you all you need to know about boring singer-songwriter, Tom Walker, trying to get on that “Genuine white guitarist man” money that Rag’n’Bone Man and Ed Sheeran currently store in the safe, although unlike those two, he’s more electronic and more plastic. He’s a rip-off? Yeah. Is he an industry plant? I mean, I don’t like that term, but it sure seems like it. If not, he’s just marketed perfectly. Anyway, this song is his second top 40 hit and some fake acoustic guitar and fake handclaps complement Tom Walker’s slightly nasal and... mildly urban-Irish (???) voice and the piano... and yeah, no, it doesn’t exist. I hear this song and nothing witty is produced, there’s nothing of interest in my brain, I feel like my ears have just had a long string of nothing twisted through them. The “Drop” is just a chorus, this time, although it still feels like a drop because Walker isn’t saying anything of interest. Oh, yeah, and the two parts of the chorus feel really jankily attached, it’s like two halves of a chorus put together. Next.
#16 – “Talk” – Khalid and Disclosure
Oh, hey, a great song by two amazing artists, that’s good to see. So, this is R&B singer Khalid’s tenth UK Top 40 hit and Disclosure’s sixth, and it’s funky, smooth and fun as hell. It starts with a synth that is ripped straight from the 80s, then some keys come in and a clap, until Khalid starts singing with that sultry voice, although it’s in a higher-pitched and more emotive falsetto this time, with a slightly off-kilter bass when partnered with the synths, almost reminding me of future bass. Khalid sounds absolutely fantastic over this beautiful instrumental, with all the extra touches like the drum pattern finishing off with a repeated snare, kick and bass hit at the end of the chorus as a climax, the extra synth melodies added throughout the chorus that give the song so much more “Oomph” and groove to it. The song is joyful, danceable and I don’t care about what the lyrics say at all, but since I clearly don’t have all that much to say about the song other than “This is gorgeous and amazing and brilliant”, I might as well say that the subject matter may be unfitting, because it’s about having a talk about where the relationship is going, which isn’t necessarily as smooth, cute and glamorous as the song could paint it out to be, but there definitely is that off-kilter and quirky vibe to it that does add that sense of panic, despite how mostly chilled it is. That works well, actually. Yeah, check this out because this is the best song either of these guys have put out. If this has longevity in the US, it’s a contender for the top of my best list, because I doubt anything better will come along. Perhaps “bury a friend” and “a lot” could end up there? Who knows? It’s shaping up to be a pretty good year, though, so we’ll see.
#8 – “needy” – Ariana Grande
Ariana Grande finally finds her sound after years and four albums of having the inability to be cohesive or unique, years and years of having a wasted voice due to cluttered, messy and generic instrumentals provided to her by producers who don’t know what they’re doing, and... her albums still suck. Well, her fifth album is a disappointment, yes, and it’s also incredibly mediocre. It lacks a lot of substance, is inconsistent (It either has too much polish or not enough), has a few irritating instrumentals like “bloodline”, as well as once again, it has Grande’s great voice being put to the side due to light-weight trap beats like “7 rings”, for which Grande is forced to lose all of her natural charisma in order to fit on. There, that’s what I think of the album. Now, “needy” is not one of the worst on the album, but it is bad, and you can tell that right off the jump with its over-simplistic, toy-box melody that starts it off, and gets irritating quick, with not enough drowning it out. I like the pre-chorus, it’s pretty cool, but the finger-snaps are fake and pointless, with the borderline doo-wop vocals in the background adding nothing but volume. Someone tell Ariana Grande that her “Yuh” ad-libs should never be used again, please. They worked in “God is a woman”, but that’s the only time they worked, and will ever work. The subject matter is decent here, but I don’t think the beat fits it – because it doesn’t have a beat, really, there’s barely any percussion, and then it has an abrupt, pointless orchestral outro. Yeah, you can tell this album was finished in two weeks. It has a lot of moments like that.
#1 – “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” – Ariana Grande
Fitting title. Okay, so what’s the need for build-up, am I right? When it works, over-whelming the listener with the beat immediately crashing in is great. That’s when it has build-up, it never works when it’s just the song starting with bass and percussion immediately, without much reason. No, it doesn’t make sense in the context of the album either, because the song before it fades out. Anyway, so over a weak, discount Playboi Carti type beat with the flute (???) mixed so low that it essentially doesn’t exist, Grande raps with a rather concerning accent considering the blackfishing controversy, biting freaking Quadeca’s flow (I know - Out of all people?), with again, those cringeworthy ad-libs placed in empty spaces. Then it cuts to 16-bit chiptune pianos that aren’t used throughout the song, just in this section, for the pre-chorus, it just feels kind of worthless to have this here, it’s like it’s part of another song they spliced in (A better song, may I add). Oh, and that chorus is sickeningly annoying. I don’t care about the lyricism here as much as I should (Because it is pretty douchey, at least on the surface), but she sounds nasal with that elongated syllable melody that makes me just coil. I don’t like the backing vocals or echoes, either, sorry for the nitpicking but they feel like quick edits just to fill in empty space, especially that male “Hey” (or “Care”, or “Yeah”, I can’t tell), it’s added abruptly and cuts the beat out for no reason. The bridge wouldn’t be bad without that incessant and constant percussion pounding through it. I shouldn’t be this negative, Grande’s performance is okay, I guess, but, damn, this is awful. It doesn’t develop or even end properly, it feels like a bonus track on the standard version – because, yes, somehow this is what they chose as a fitting climax to the record. What a waste of studio time, and what a bad #1. Listen, UK, I didn’t like “7 rings” either, but at least it wasn’t this.
Conclusion
Man, I feel bad for doing so but Ariana Grande gets Worst of the Week for “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored”, and screw it, Dishonourable Mention for “needy”. Nothing else is all that bad, so the Chainsmokers get away scot-free here, with Honourable Mention being tied and going to both Blueface for “Thotiana” and CamelPhat, Cristoph and Jem Cooke for “Breathe”. Best of the Week should be pretty obvious, but yeah, it’s going to Khalid and Disclosure for “Talk”. See you next week.
0 notes