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lady-plantagenet · 4 years

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What hasn’t already been said: The Spanish Princess 2

Episode 1: CamelNOT

[Lively Music Plays]

I shit you not... that’s what it said in the CCs.

Tower of London (?)

*Catherine looks at the array of crowns like a museum curator and the proceeds to strut down the halls*

Wolsey: *gives her this strange look which is a mixture between damn girl and the eagle is my spirit animal.

Then Catherine gets fake detained and taken to Henry in what must be a strange variation of the whole Robin Hood/Maid Marian roleplay they historically engaged in.

... did she just call his erhm manhood his kingship? Well that’s original, I’ll give them that. Also funny how Bessie Blount initially looks on in fright... don’t worry girl that will be you soon.

———————————————————————

*the four ladies have a brunch friendship moment together*

I see Blount is among them... I see they are setting her up as Catherine’s friend in order to play up the whole betrayal.

Alright. Jokes aside, I realised how much I’ve played myself. I was inspired by @melusineloriginale ‘s sporks (which if all this TSP episode posts got you in the mood for PG show mockery I urge you to check out here - you’ll thank me later). In truth, Henry VIII’s early reign is a bit too late from my main area of focus for me to make intelligent jokes.

I’ll content myself with just bullet-pointing random thoughts that came into my head, and if some intelligent thought gets through, well that would be the pinnacle. In any case I’ll aim to not parrot some of the stuff that’s already been said, repetition can get annoying.

This image embodies this post, but maybe not the show. I’ve noticed those Starz productions get better by the end.

First Scenes:

- The recap just reminded me how much I will miss Margaret Beaufort in the coming episodes. I know her portrayal was innacurate but Harriet Walter just made everything better.

- They are making such a big deal out of this whole ‘we were crowned together, we rule together’ thing in this episode - it makes no sense. Catherine was an influential Queen but she was definitely no more than a consort and never saw herself as more.

- Ruairi’s new haircut is pleasing to my eyes.

- When she says ‘Abuelo’ it’s super adorable awww

The Ferdinand and Charles V scene:

- Bessie Blount looks so much like Ursula Pole lmao. Also they totally got the Pole children’s birth order wrong and UGH WHERE IS GEOFFREY POLE???

- I like Mary Tudor’s actress and her facial expressions. However, this whole polyglot image they are representing is innacurate. I am fairly certain she knew no spanish and I recall reading a contemporary account which said that she was not very learned.

- I’m pretty sure it would be considered bad luck to prematurely crown your son ‘Henry IX’ while you’re still alive.

- I actually like the whole Grape motif in this episode. It’s probably the smartest thing they’ve come up with so far for this episode. I know a lot of you will be all like ‘there’s no record of Ferdinand being abusive’ but this choice sort of makes sense when you recall Joanna’s treatment. Also I appreciate them for not being tacky and showing flashbacks of more overt abuse eg physical. The sugared grape is also fairly symbolic (the sugar is like a gilding, the grape easily crushable)

- OMG the guy from Garrow’s law is playing Thomas More!

- AND PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME IM NOT SEEING THINGS? Margaret Pole x Thomas More is happening?? Please god that is a historical crackship I am getting behind. Yes. This is what I’m most invested about.

Margaret Tudor and Scotland Scene:

- The whole ironic cutaway to Margaret being all depressed after Charles Brandon’s statement about her charming Scottish king is such a cliché movie technique.

- If this were a more artsy film I would think the whole setup resembling a stereotypical middle-class family breakfast was done on purpose for humorous effects or to create a link with the past. But here I don’t have as much trust in the producers. I think they just failed to capture the time period accurately.

- The modernisms continue: ‘Negassi please stop playing’ idk, there just something so modern about this for some reason ahaha

- Also again, I’m getting tired of all this ‘Catherine is basically queen herself’, ‘Catherine is a political genius’, ‘Catherine Catherine Catherine’ ugh. I don’t think the producers understand that Henry VIII was a very autocratic and traditional ruler. He didn’t make any show of joint-rulership (correct me if I’m wrong).

- The teeth thing is funny, smart and I liked it.

Back to Westminster:

- I like Ferdinand’s actor!

- Also Catherine’s response to ‘who are you loyal to?’ was not that smart. I feel like the producers wanted us to be impressed. What if Spain and England’s interests conflict, ey??

The Joust:

- I care too much for the whole Margaret Pole plotline. I’m so invested.

- I could watch a series of More and Pole just exchanging lines. I love the actors too and this is my hope for this series. The whole frustrated parents is SO CUTE.

- I didn’t know More tutored Reggie, I would be curious to know more.

- The way compton says groom to queen’s stool is freaking hilarious. He looks like a pervert.

- Henry Pole is a darling and must be protected at all costs.

- Oh Christ oh Christ that eyeball shot was just... good job on the special effects guys. Don’t know what the point of that choice was.

- I found the whole armour mentions after interesting, it looked so set up as a PR campaign because Stafford speaking about the armour just sounded like a statement agreed on beforehand ‘should have worn the same’ and the Catherine with ‘steel in the bones’ and Ferdinand’s impressed face (it was him playing them?)

- Am I giving this show too much credit?

- Also whats up with “God save the Queen?”

War Counsel:

- Henry VIII’s actor is quite charismatic in this scene. It’s almost as if Catherine is the hothead and Henry the wise one that speaks less but more significantly. It almost feels like they gender-swapped them.

The Bedchamber:

- Did Catherine breastfeed the baby? I thought it was Anne Boleyn. Doubtful... I’m tired of the trope of ‘you’re a good woman if you insist on breastfeeding the child yourself despite social conventions’. For a feminist show, the writers seem very attached to some 1950s perceptions of motherhood.

- I feel like the age difference between Catherine and Henry is well conveyed.

Scotland Again:

- ‘All the sheep were pregnant’ 👀 oh touché Margaret. oh my. Did she just?

- I know they are playing out this disenfranchised Margaret arc to reinforce how great Catherine and Henry are (cheap technique) and to build up to her involvement in Flodden (innacurate historically but I know what the show will do). But I will say this: the humour is pretty good in the Scottish scenes! But I know it’s unintentionally so... (I highly doubt they wanted us to laugh at Margaret hitting James or calling Alexander a pig).

Westminster and the baby chamber:

- What’s are those red splotches on the babies face??

- Oh that shot of Margaret and silent Reginald :((( it makes me sad.

- And now the Poles are at church! I just love the look of them.

- That scene of Maggie and Catherine was needed, as we didn’t get the best friends vibe much in this episode. The whole thing looked a bit pagan though, but it was nice :)

The whole Ferdinand’s betrayal segment:

- The grape motif again was fitting, him snapping the fruit right before she gets to it even despite her knowing what he’s like and what he’ll do, was a good parrallel.

- I’m tired of hearing of this ‘Camelot’. Even in the novel, Camelot was Catherine and Arthur’s dream and... can we just live it up with Arthur?

- Ursula Pole’s, Bessie Blount’s and Mary Boleyn’s actresses look way too similar.

- I fail to see why Catherine thinks she’s turning into her father... she doesn’t strike me as much of a game-player or subtle two-facer.

- I’m intrigued what will happen with Oviedo and Lina... I feel like they won’t stay in England long.

- He was made knight bannaret... nice... but why does he thank Catherine publicly for this? It was in Henry’s gift that he was made a commoner Knight.. if this transpired irl Henry would have been gravely insulter.

Catherine’s Dead Baby and thereafter:

- Guys. In all seriousness, I don’t think the TV series is trying to imply that Catherine killed the baby with her negligence. I mean, they are so bent on us liking her they wouldn’t do that. It would be a bit too ballsy anyway. Remember the red splotches I mentioned earlier? Could those have been a sign that he was already ill but no one noticed/was in denial?

- The pebbles in hands would have had more emotional payoff if it had been established earlier if you know what I mean. Basically, this episode is too fast and entire arcs begin and end within it which extinguished any build-up.

- Oh man Henry is so sweet in this, how will they build him up as the tyrant he was historically if they keep this up?

Scotland Again:

- I must admit, I don’t like all those nicknames they keep using. But somehow James calling Margaret ‘Meg’ is nice and seems fitting.

- What’s a hermana sister?

England Last Mourning Scenes:

- YOU DID NOT BUILD CAMELOT ughhh

- Why is Catherine giving the speech and not Henry?? It turns out Catherine was more emotional historically then the whole perception of ‘perfect queen of stone’ to which some people hold her. However, I doubt it would have been proper of her to give a speech in such a emotional manner.

Conclusion:

6.5/10

Some of the dialogue was stilted, the costumes are confused as to which era they’re supposed to be (aesthetically distracting) and many other characterisation issues.

I don’t have high hopes for this series in terms of cinematography or art but I sure as hell expect it will be entertaining. So far, everything is just getting set up and I find some aspects promising. As you can tell I am truly excited over how the Margaret Pole plotline. I am also interested in how Henry will be portrayed, with Catherine being so OTT and pushy this episode Im starting to Stan him more. In this show he appears sensitive and serene and kinda... adorable. Kind of like a little brother hanging onto his sister’s skirts.

But in a way that is a disservice to the real historical figure which would not tolerate such a representation. I am very irritated by this whole ‘joint-rulers’ thing which is just sooo innacurate. These STARZ shows have an obsession with showing women turn into men for the purposes of feminism - I see.

Catherine overpowers Henry too often and it sometimes feels like he’s HER consort. Of course, the feminism in this show is schizophrenic as we get the overemphasis of Catherine as a 1950s motherly ideal with the whole breastfeeding angle (“you’re better than other noble woman who would find this beneath them”, “they’re not as motherly as you”).

So the relationship dynamic between Henry and Catherine is a bit off at the moment, but oh well.

Mary Tudor is a bit distracting with her dark hair but I find the actress extremely endearing and promising. I know there will be emphasis on her storyline too and I hope they’ll not be clichéd with it.

#the spanish princess #the spanish princess 2 #lady plantagenet's series reviews #not my best #but I've been ill for most of the week and wanted to get this out before episode 2 comes tommorow #feel free to send me an ask if you you have anything to say #I'd love to see if anyone else thought some of the same things

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makoons · 3 years

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ha ha

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oh-my-otome · 6 years

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1. Can you please explain what happened to Shingen's father in slbp? The route was emotionally too much for me so I zoomed by it without comprehending anything. 2. Do you think that any of the relationships with MC are unhealthy or not the best for certain characters? Can you please consider MC and side characters who had events? :) Thank you!

Hello, Precious!

Shingen banishes his father, after the mismanagement of the clan, and takes it over, himself.

From Episode 9 Light and Shadow:

The warm summer wind catches the sleeves of all who stand atop the cliffs of Kai. There are now Kansuke…and another man, with brilliant red hair, looking down upon the palace.

There at Tsutsujigasaki, surely they must be preparing a grand feast for their arrival. For his arrival, for the arrival of the Lord who will stand at the head of their new Clan.

Shingen: “…I have to be strong enough to bind the hearts of men.”

He is so young, the tips of his hair barely sweeping the back of his shoulders. The burden those shoulders must bear is so great that Kansuke can say nothing.

Lord Takeda Nobutora should have been the one to unify Kai under his famous leadership. But, in the end, the only unification he was able to accomplish was that of his enemies, his power broken by the betrayals of his men.

Shingen: “If I am not…then my betrayal of my father will have meant nothing.”

His amber eyes look out at the great, green mountains while he speaks, if only to himself.

On this day, no one knows that though his hair will grow and his shoulders will take on those burdens well…

…the shadows of a fearsome illness already looms over him, an illness that will break him and make a mockery of strength itself.

Kansuke: “…Then I shall support you, Harunobu, as sure as your shadow.”

When Kansuke finally does speak…the man turns around at last, a wild determination flashing in his eyes.

Yet another thing that Shingen and Nobunaga have in common: fathers betrayed by their own men, brothers who tried to snuff them out, and having to take over the clan.

When it comes to the relationships being unhealthy, everyone’s standard of tolerance will be different.

Let’s quickly look at some negative behaviors that they display in a relationship, and you can decide for yourself!

Nobunaga

Repeatedly jokes that he will have his way with her even if others are watching

Resorts to sulking

Name-calling (meaning differs with context)

Throws things

Impulsive

Bouts of anger in front of MC, but not necessarily directed at her

Indirect about feelings

Nobunaga’s anger is a force to be reckoned with, and he sometimes makes his MC uncomfortable

Mitsuhide

Works himself to the bone, causing his MC to feel lonely

Loves his MC to the tips of his toes, but is slow to realize that his devotion to his liege lord weakens his displays of loyalty to his beloved– such as when he continuously goes to bed without her, leaving her sitting up waiting for him time after time

Yukimura

Impulsive

Dense

Stubborn

Yukimura sometimes plows ahead without considering the needs or feelings of others, particularly when he’s worked up in some way. He is headstrong in insisting that his way is right

Nobuyuki

Level 99 yandere

has other people keep tabs on MC, to keep her from leaving

Tricked MC into thinking that they had sex, that she may be pregnant, and that she should marry him to stave off the “shame”

Manipulative

Secretive

Saizō

Pulls away emotionally

Affection sometimes needs to be guessed at, because his assumption is that he is implying it, but MC cannot read his mind

Name-calling (meaning differs with context)

Indirect about feelings

Saizō is away for days at a time on missions, and even when he returns, he is sometimes unavailable in a capacity beyond physically being present

Hotaru

Comes on too hard

Clueless

Figures out how to talk without using his power, promptly makes sure to use highly useful hack as infrequently as humanely possible

The way that Hotaru behaves, when in love, makes it seem as if there is nothing special about his MC at all, and that he may have felt similar attraction if another female had simply showed up, before she had. He is written as if he has latched on to the first woman he sees, that has no blood relation to his family

Kotarō

Comes on too hard

Stubborn

Clueless

Single-minded

Similar to Hotaru, Kotarō attaches himself to the first non-related woman who shows him any type of affection. He throws himself in her path as often as he dares, and he loves her enough that she is the only cure for his migraines, even though they just met

Masamune

Passive-agressive

mild yandere

Gives up easily

Lacks self-esteem

Masamune is continuously wishy-washy at times, instantly doubting his MCs feelings the minute that something blatantly forged (by his uncle or Yoshihime) shows up. Then he oscillates at a breakneck speed to apologize for his doubt, two seconds later

Kojuro

couldn’t think of anything off the tip of my brain

Shigezane

Depressed, but not ready to be open about it

Promotes an atmosphere of secrecy surrounding said depression

Shigezane drops his MC into a world where she has to guess at what is underneath his ever-present smile, and into a place where everyone knows except for her

Hideyoshi

Situational episodes of PTSD, won’t talk about it

Got into relationship with MC by undermining a promise made between himself and her best friend

Knows that her best friend is about to make his move, and goes in for the kill before he can, in an effort to cut off what she may feel for her friend, and re-focus her attention on himself

Toshiie

Unchecked control of his actions, while intoxicated, leads him to kiss and grope at his MC, before he snaps out of it

Couldn’t see past his own guilt and shame to not hurt her further

Never told her the truth about his background– she finds it out from other sources

Reckless

Impulsive

Falls into drunken stupors

Sometimes thinks he knows her feelings and sexual urges better than she does

Realizes too late that one night of drinking away his sorrows is a force strong enough to crumple a life-long friendship and tries to fix it in the worst way possible, unintentionally making her feel as if she had some hand in his own bad decision

Ieyasu (main route)

Impulsive

Agrees to a dangerous promise between himself and his MC, made when neither one of them was thinking clearly

Name-calling (meaning differs with context)

Indirect about feelings

Trapped in a cycle of bowing to the whims of his own retainers, until MC comes along

Realizes that he is dissatisfied with his previous life, but unable to bridge the gap between that and how he feels, and what he really wants. In a fit of anger, upholds his part of a deal, only to immediately regret it, and spends the rest of his time trying to make up for it

Ieyasu (event route)

Name-calling (meaning differs with context)

Insensitive

Callous

Bouts of PTSD-induced rage

Toramatsu

Manipulative

Reacts to not being able to have what he wants by manipulating both sides so that he can have the illusion of actually achieving it

Tadakatsu

Affections only last as long as he gets what he wants

If he doesn’t get it, he sulks until he does

Mitsunari

Name-calling (meaning differs with context)

Secretive about past

Flashes of anger

Stubbornly refuses support

Almost always thinks that he knows what is best

Cult-like levels of devotion to his lord

Indirect about feelings

Mitsunari’s upbringing makes it difficult for him to face his feelings, and even harder for him to express them

Kenshin

High level yandere

Suicidal

Secretive

Manipulative

Kenshin’s refusal in caring for himself sometimes leaves him lacking the understanding required to care for the emotional needs of others

Kageie

Highly observant, but gives no explanation for what he says, how he feels, or how he knows what he does

Indifferent

Kageie is an aloof individual who often skips the conversation part of interacting with others, and goes in for the kill. He’s not wrong in his assessment of reading people’s feelings, but needlessly creates confusion, when all he had to do was express himself verbally

Shingen

Secretive

Stubborn

Bouts of anger in front of MC, but not necessarily directed at her

Sometimes thinks he knows MC’s feelings and sexual urges better than she does

#q&a #samurai love ballad party

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droesslervalente1996 · 4 years

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jonigirard3 · 4 years

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how to fall asleep fast and sleep through the night?

Translator: Tijana Mihajlović Reviewer: Denise RQ The early part of my career as a clinical psychologist was spent in addiction research and treatment, and now I treat sleep. So when I reflect on my path, I feel as if I can legitimately say that I went from helping people become conscious to helping people become unconscious. (Laughter) I love sleep treatment. I think that sleep is so fascinating and it's exquisitely complex. For people navigating that sleep treatment world, though, trying to figure out what to do can be very daunting. I was even surprised to find out that some of the most effective treatments for insomnia were over 20 years old. When I shared this with one of my clients, his response caught me off-guard. He said, "Why is it then that you are my last stop when you should have been my first stop?" The night of sleeplessness here and there is actually normal. Losing sleep over a broken heart - normal. Losing sleep because your mind pops awake with one more idea to add it to your big presentation tomorrow - normal. But hopefully, we also know how great it feels to have a really good night of sleep. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNj1Y11t_x8 Because I know how great it is to have a good night of sleep, I am always struck with wonder that sleep only recently has joined the conversation when you talk about health and overall longevity. People even sometimes ask me, "Isn't there some way I can hack into my sleep, to somehow squeeze it down significantly, so that I can just maybe go straight into, you know, the good stages, where the benefits are?" Fair enough. Good question. The answer is no. (Laughter) It turns out a great deal of housekeeping is taking place while we sleep. And sleep is much more complex than just a lack of consciousness. When you get into bed, and you pull up the covers, and you rest your head on the pillow, with your exhale of all the concerns for the day, as you close your eyes, sleep begins to unfold in a series of stages that increase in depths as the night goes on. All those stages work together to orchestrate all the processes that are needed to derive all the benefits of sleep. For example, we know that sleep is incredibly important for immune functioning. Get a lot of consistent sleep - you're more likely to resist infection. If you get sleep while you're sick, you're more likely to recover. Recent evidence suggest that your brain even has its own dedicated waste removal system, the glymphatic system, and this is the system that works primarily while we're asleep to remove the gunk out of our brains that seem to contribute to diseases such as dementia. So really there is no consensus about why we sleep. We don't really know why we spend the third of our life doing it, but one thing that I can tell you is just as the three trimesters of pregnancy can't be whittled down to a convenient three months, it seems like sleep and the benefits of it also have an optimum period of gestation, which appears to be about 7-9 hours. So, while some people are looking to get rid of sleep, there are other people that would do anything to get more of it. To them, sleep is not consistently rejuvenating, satisfying, it doesn't leave them ready to go. This is insomnia. Now, that word doesn't always resonate with people. If you ask them, they're saying, "No, no, I don't have insomnia. I just don't sleep. I don't look like this guy, so how bad off can I be?" It turns out a diagnosis of insomnia doesn't depend on how bleary-eyed you are, or even on the number of hours of sleep that you get. If you consistently don't feel as if your sleep is rejuvenating, or if more days that not you feel as if you're having a hard time falling asleep, staying asleep, or you're unintentionally waking up too early, maybe you should get it checked out. And don't fall into the trap of thinking that whatever is happening with you, that it makes sense that you have some chronic sleep loss. Until recently, sleep problems that occurred in the context of major life stress, or medical or psychiatric conditions was largely ignored. It was thought that if some sort of medical issue would be resolved, that eventually sleep would fall into place. That is clearly not what happens. Sometimes, even when the primary issue is resolved, insomnia persists. And the reason for that is that insomnia and a lot of other symptoms are mutually exacerbating. What that means is that they're intertwined. Take, for example, that half of the 18 million Americans who have major depressive disorder, also have insomnia. If you intervene at the level of depression, you might get symptom relief, and yet, the insomnia can persist. But the evidence linking the relationship between insomnia and depression suggest that if you intervene on the level of sleep, that people can get relief from those symptoms of depression, and you can even prevent further episodes. Insomnia is not just a symptom; insomnia is a disorder. And when it occurs, it should be assessed and treated as the first-line problem. Now, when people do seek treatment, they usually receive a medication, and medications are great. If you have a stressful meeting with your boss tomorrow, pop a pill; you're going to sleep tonight. But oftentimes, people don't want to have to rely on anything, especially over the long term, in order to get a good night of sleep. I have good news, and that is that healthy sleep is largely shaped by the things that we do: by our choices, by our behaviors. So in this way, the best sleep medicine is our behavior, behavioral medicine. Cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia, which is a really long name for a treatment, let's just call it CBTI, has a substantial evidenced-base for the treatment of insomnia. And we know that not only does it work for most people, there are several different patient populations that can derive benefit: cancer survivors, people with PTSD, chronic pain, fibromyalgia, major depression. Here, there is consensus: CBTI should be the first line of treatment when it comes to insomnia. And why is that? Why would something like therapy cure something that feels like a very physiological need? Well, in order to understand why CBTI works, you need to know a little bit about why acute insomnia becomes chronic, and has a lot to do with our behaviors. The seemingly benign decisions we make in order to try to fix insomnia, actually perpetuate it. I blame our instincts. Let me give you an example. If you sustain an injury, you automatically apply pressure to any sort of bleeding wound. In this case, your instincts are helpful. But let's say you're going on a hike, and it's a beautiful Colorado day, and you run into a bear. Every cell in your body mobilizes to react to your instinct to turn around and run. Your instincts are wrong. The bear will chase you, the bear will outrun you, the bear will catch you, and then… Well, it turns out the way your instincts should have told you to do is to make yourself look bigger, to stand tall, to puff out your chest, and talk to it on a loud voice, and in the very unlikely scenario where the bear actually attacks you, what you're supposed to do is pick up a stick and fight back. So… (Laughter) So this is the same thing that happens with sleep loss: we compensate for sleep loss because it tends to make sense to us. So what do we do? We doze off on the couch, we go to bed early, we sleep in late, we have an irregular sleep schedule, we become really preoccupied with whether or not we'll be able to sleep, whether we've lost the ability to sleep, and this leads to a lot of hyper arousal, which is where CBTI comes in. So there are several different components of CBTI that are tailored to each individual person, but in brief, what happens with sleep restriction is it takes someone's existing sleep debt and grows it a little bit in order to consolidate sleep, so that people fall asleep faster, and they're less likely to wake up. Stimulus control likes to strengthen the relationship between bed being a place for sleep, rather than other engaging activities, such as checking your email, plotting revenge, worrying, stress, or whatever else it might be. (Laughter) Cognitive therapy helps people identify strategies that might be able to help them distance themselves from a mind that doesn't seem to be able to turn off. How do they stuck up? How do medications and cognitive behavioral therapy compare with one another? Well, the evidence is in, and the results are clear. In the short run, CBTI and medications are equivalent, but in the long run, CBTI is the clear winner. The problem with behavioral therapies is not a lack of evidence that they work; it is a lack of awareness that they exist. You could probably rattle off the names of several different sleep medications, but how many commercials have you seen for CBTI? If you have insomnia, take heart. The odds are squarely in your favor. Your sleep can get better. You can wake up rejuvenated, with mental clarity, who knows, maybe even enough energy to stand up to a bear. (Laughter) But here, I think that what I'll do is I will heed the advice of a great mind, who says that it's more important to know what sort of person has a disease than to know what sort of a disease a person has. So, I know sleep science, but I don't know you. We just met. I don't know you or the relevant medical history that would have helped me design a treatment to help you cure your insomnia, but I can leave you with this: eat healthy, exercise, take care of your body, and do all that you can do to cap it all off with a night of great sleep. Thank you. (Applause) the early part of my career as a clinical psychologist was spent in addiction research treatment and now I treat sleep so when I reflect on my path I feel as if I can legitimately say that I went from helping people become conscious to helping people become unconscious I love sleep treatment I think that sleep is so fascinating and it's exquisitely complex for people navigating the sleep treatment world though trying to figure out what to do can be very daunting I was even surprised to find out that some of the most effective treatments for insomnia were over 20 years old. when I shared this with one of my clients his response caught me off guard he said why is it then that you are my last stop when you should have been my first stop the night of sleeplessness here and there is actually normal losing sleep over a broken heart normal losing sleep because your mind pops awake with one more idea to add your to your big presentation tomorrow normal but hopefully we also know how great it feels to have a really good night of sleep and because I know how great it is to have a good night of sleep I always am struck and with wonder that sleep only recently has joined the conversation when you talk about health and overall longevity people even sometimes ask me isn't there some way I can hack into my sleep to somehow squeeze it down significantly so that I can just maybe go straight into you know the good stages where the benefits are fair enough good question the answer is No so it turns out a great deal of housekeeping is taking place while we sleep and sleep is much more complex than just a lack of consciousness when you get into bed and you pull up the covers and you rest your head on the pillow with your exhale of all the concerns for the day as you close your eyes sleep begins to unfold in a series of stages that increase in depth as the night goes on and all those stages work together to orchestrate all the processes that are needed to derive all the benefits of sleep for example we know that sleep is incredibly important for immune functioning get a lot of consistent sleep you're more likely to resist infection if you get sleep while you're sick you're more likely to recover recent evidence suggests that your brain even has its own dedicated waste removal system the glymphatic system and this is the system that works primarily while we're asleep to remove the gunk out of our brains that seem to contribute to diseases such as dementia so really there is no consensus about why we sleep we don't really know why we spend a third of our life doing it but one thing that I can tell you is just as the three trimesters of pregnancy can be whittled down to a convenient three months it seems like sleep and the benefits of it also have an optimum period of gestation which appears to be about seven to nine hours so while some people are looking to get rid of sleep there are other people that other people that would do anything to get more of it to them sleep is not consistently rejuvenating satisfying it doesn't leave them ready to go this is insomnia now that word doesn't always resonate with people if you ask them they say nah no I don't even saamiya I just don't sleep I don't look like this guy so how bad off can I be it turns out a diagnosis of insomnia doesn't depend on how bleary-eyed you are or even on the number of hours of sleep that you get if you consistently don't feel as if your sleep is rejuvenating or if more days than not you feel as if you're having a hard time falling asleep staying asleep or you're unintentionally waking up too early maybe you should get it checked out and don't fall into the trap of thinking that whatever is happening with you that it makes sense that you have some chronic sleep loss until recently sleep problems that occurred in the context of major life stress or medical or psychiatric conditions was largely ignored it was thought that if some sort of medical issue were resolved that eventually sleep would fall into place that is clearly not what happens sometimes even when the primary issue is resolved insomnia persists and the reason for that is that insomnia and a lot of other symptoms are mutually exacerbating and what that means is that they're intertwined take for example that half of the 18 million Americans who have major depressive disorder also have insomnia if you intervene at the level of depression you might get symptom relief and yet the insomnia can persist but the evidence linking the relationship between insomnia and depression suggests that if you intervene on the level of sleep that people can get relief from those symptoms of depression and you can even prevent further episodes insomnia is not just a symptom insomnia is a disorder and when it occurs it should be assessed and treated as a first-line problem now when people do seek treatment they usually receive a medication and medications are great if you have a stressful meeting with your boss tomorrow pop a pill you're going to sleep tonight but oftentimes people don't want to have to rely on anything especially over the long term in order to get a good night of sleep I have good news and that is that healthy sleep is largely shaped by the things that we do by our choices by our behaviors so in this way the best sleep medicine is our behavior behavioral medicine cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia which is a really long name for a treatment so let's just call it CBT It has a substantial evidence base for the treatment of insomnia and we know that not only does it work for most people there are several different patient populations that can derive benefit cancer survivors people with PTSD chronic pain fibromyalgia major depression here there is consensus CBT I should be the first line of treatment when it comes to insomnia now why is that why would something like therapy cure something that feels like a very physiological need well in order to understand why CBT I works you need to know a little bit about why acute insomnia becomes chronic and has a lot to do with our behaviors the seemingly benign decisions we make in order to try to fix insomnia actually perpetuate it I blame our instincts let me give you an example if you sustained an injury you automatically apply pressure to any sort of bleeding wound in this case your instincts are helpful but let's say you're going on a hike and it's a beautiful Colorado day and you run into a bear every cell in your body mobilizes to react to your instinct to turn around and run your instincts are wrong the bear will chase you the bear will outrun you the bear will catch you and then well it turns out that what your instincts should have told you to do is to make yourself look bigger to stand tall to puff out your chest and talk to on a loud voice and in the very unlikely scenario where the bear actually attacks you what you're supposed to do is pick up a stick and fight back so so this is the same thing that happens with sleep loss we compensate for sleep loss because it tends to make sense it makes sense us so what do we do we does off on the couch we go to bed early we sleep in late we have an irregular sleep schedule we become really preoccupied with whether or not we'll be able to sleep whether we've lost the ability to sleep and this leads to a lot of hyper arousal which is where cbt-i comes in so there are several different components of cbt-i that are tailored to each individual person but in brief what happens with sleep restriction is it takes someone's existing sleep debt and grows it a little bit in order to consolidate sleep so that people fall asleep faster and they're less likely to wake up stimulus control likes to strengthen the relationship between bed being a place for sleep rather than other engaging activities such as checking your email plotting revenge worrying stress or whatever else it might be cognitive therapy helps people identify strategies that might be able to help them distance themselves from a mind that doesn't seem to be able to to turn off how do they stack up how do medications and cognitive behavioral therapy and compare with one another well the evidence is in and the results are clear in the short run CBT eye and medications are equivalent but in the long run CBT eye is the clear winner the problem with behavioral therapies is not a lack of evidence that they work it is a lack of awareness that they exist you could probably rattle off the names of several different sleep medications but how many commercials have you seen for CBT i if you have insomnia take heart the odds are squarely in your favor your sleep can get better you can wake up rejuvenated with mental clarity who knows maybe even enough energy to stand up to a bear but here I think that what I'll do is I will heed the advice of a great mind who says it's more important to know what sort of person has a disease than to know what sort of a disease a person has so I know sleep science but I don't know you we just met I don't know you or the relevant medical history that wouldn't it help me design a treatment to help you cure in your insomnia but I can leave you with this eat healthy exercise take care of your body and do all that you can do to cap it all off with a night of great sleep thank you you Source : Youtube

https://www.yourvibration.com/sleep/89 Sleep Rescue, Sleep Remedy, Sleep Aid

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holdon-goingdowntherabbithole · 5 years

Text

Take it back now, y’all.

Whenever I’ve thought about the stages of grief, I associated them with death. It never occurred to me that it was possible to mourn the loss of someone who is still very much alive. It still didn’t occur to me that that was what was happening, until I felt myself going through the motions. I have written about my divorce in one way or another a few times now. I realized that even in doing that, it was part of this bigger stage that I was in. I’ve decided to pick apart each stage and write about how I was affected in each one, so that if nothing else, someone else going through this or something similar, has the comfort of knowing they’re not alone. I don’t think that these stages necessarily come in order, they didn’t for me, and I think it’s entirely possible that I have circled back around to the same ones a few times. I also believe that I have yet to go through all of them, and because of that, I will only give my opinion, based on what I know about myself, on what I think is to come. I would wait to complete this when I have undergone each stage, but I would feel like I was unintentionally rushing myself to feel things that I might not be ready to feel yet, for the sake of completing this, and that would be cheating myself out of a vital part of healing.

“ACCEPTANCE”

When everything came to a head, I was on a long drive back to Pennsylvania from Mississippi. I remember texting Amanda and asking her point blank if she wanted to be with me anymore. At the time, her tone had changed recently and I think I had chalked it up to it being a stressful time for both of us. My Nana had just passed away, and Amanda had just left for deployment. In between these two events, we had a matter of weeks to pack up our belongings, get a storage unit, say our goodbyes and map out the course for the next six months or so.

When I asked Amanda that question, I thought the answer would have been yes, without question. Looking back, I think the real reason I asked was because I had felt a shift and I wanted the validation of that definitive “yes” to quell my uneasiness. I was convinced it’d come with an air of confusion, because I figured she would have been floored by me ever thinking anything different. I didn’t get that “yes,” well, not entirely. I got an answer that was the truth disguised with a pleasantry. It took all of a few hours for more of the truth to come out, at which point, we had landed on a nauseating “I don’t know.”

For as long as I can remember, my anxiety has been in idle time. In the moment, I am very fortunate to possess the quality of keeping a clear head, despite how hard my emotions try to pull me in a different direction. So, like with anything else that may cause panic in the moment, I replied that that was okay, that we would always be best friends, that I still loved her, and that I understood.

The reason that I have this section titled “ACCEPTANCE,” is to signify that this was not at all acceptance. This was a knee jerk reaction to something gut wrenching. No matter how I try to compartmentalize it and even go the extra mile to wrap it up and put a bow on it, this box could never be filed under acceptance.

DENIAL

It’s more than likely that when we’re growing up, our parents will always find that one friend that they wish we wouldn’t hangout with, but being kids and wanting to defy any logic, we continue to hangout with them until it turns out that our parents were right all along. Denial has been that friend for me for months. I have to give Amanda credit with this one, we had a lot of conversations that ended in her saying she was unsure of her feelings and once or twice, she seemed to think that maybe we had a shot, but not once did she rescind altogether and say that she wanted to be with me for sure. I was convinced that despite that, it was going to come eventually. For months I had this voice in the back of my mind urging me to stop crying, to stop begging, and to brace myself for the reunion that was bound to happen. I convinced myself that Amanda and I were this unstoppable force and that this was just a rough patch that would blow over in all of our years together to come. I was convinced that loving her with all of my might was enough to overcome the worst of obstacles, and that eventually she would see it that way too. On too many occasions, I called her with news about my day and would work “when we get back together” into the conversation. Each and every time, she kept talking, or listening, or laughed, but even those not so subtle hints didn’t stop me from believing it to be true.

Denial might be the hardest stage, in my opinion. I say that because I feel that it’s the foundation of some of the more mentally draining stages, such as depression and anger. Either way, denial stuck around like a bad habit and it was only till very recently that I discovered that I was working my way out of that stage.

DEPRESSION

Crying is bound to happen when anything upsetting occurs. I knew that was normal. I even knew that it was normal how much I was crying. I didn’t start to worry too much about my mental health throughout this, until I noticed myself slipping, in more ways than one, and noticing that I wasn’t doing anything to change it. I wouldn’t sleep, or I’d sleep for an entire day. I wouldn’t eat, or I’d eat so much that I was uncomfortable, way past the point of being full. I’d lay in bed and feel nothing. I had no will to get up, get showered, get dressed, see friends, or do much of anything that didn’t involve me being horizontal, in bed, and starring at the ceiling.

I had spent so much of my life making decisions contingent on two people. My goals and dreams for the future were always built for two. When Amanda left, I felt like my entire world had been ripped away from me, I felt like I lost my home, my things, my friends, my sense of stability, comfort, support, and love. I suddenly felt like I had no idea who I was, because who I had been was sculpted into a marriage that ended up crumbling. Feeling like you don’t know yourself is one of the weirdest things to try to explain. It’s eerie, because although it was scary, it came with no desire to find myself. I was convinced that I did something to deserve this, so be it for me to be lost and numb.

Most times I am an open book, but unfortunately there are parts to this stage that I have no choice but to keep private, because I simply can not put into words where my mind went some days. I lost the love of my life, and living that truth makes things far from pretty while you’re going through the brute of it.

BARGAINING

When I was a lot younger, I remember stumbling across an episode of The Girls Next Door, and being so confused on how one man had multiple girlfriends and that they were all okay with the other one being in his life. Again, I was a lot younger so money, publicity, “made for TV,” and adult content in general wasn’t in my wheelhouse. Fast forward to middle school. Riddled with puberty acne, slightly overweight, and not having yet mastered the technique of waterline eyeliner, I was pretty insecure. I saw a lot of budding romances within my peers, and eventually, I longed for the same thing. I remember making a moral compromise with myself, by willing the universe to bring me a boyfriend, in exchange for my willingness to share. Cue the for-mentioned fascination with the thought of sharing a significant other. My self esteem told me that it just wouldn’t be possible for me to have someone interested in me solely, but I figured if I could work my way in and respect that I was not the only person of attention, that I could be happy with what little space I would hold, because in my mind, it was better than nothing. Let’s jump forward again, years later, I remember that thought coming up as a painful memory of how low I considered myself to be, and I almost laughed at the idea of that ever being a rational thought, and I promised my younger self, that we were better than that, and I apologized to my younger self for ever feeling that unimportant.

Bargaining is a broad stage, in my opinion, because throughout this, I bargained with Amanda to let herself fall in love with me again, with myself to be better for her, with some sort of higher power to bring her back to me, with my friends who had to reality check me time and time again to respect her process and accept that I had accepted my pain was the trade off, etc. At one point, I digressed into that little girl with low self-esteem, and I figured that I could sit by and wait for Amanda to date other people, so long as it meant that I was in the mix too, and because I loved her in a way that I was desperate to salvage, that was good enough for me.

Looking back, just a short while after, I am saddened for myself all over again, that I would accept that just to keep someone around that so clearly didn’t want to be there.

ANGER

I will write about what I have already experienced here, but if we’re being completely honest, I believe that I am still feeling the effects of this stage. Anger manifests from so many things, feeling abandoned is definitely something that will cause that to flare up for me. I try very hard not to get angry over little things, and to look at the bigger picture (that, being that, Amanda, though we are not together, is happy, is safe, and is healthy) but sometimes, its hard to look at how well she’s doing and not want to scream. It’s such a catch 22, because I want her to be happy, but I selfishly want it to be with me. I want her to reach her goals, but I thought we would be reaching goals together. I want her have nice things, but why does she get to keep all of our nice things for herself? Channeling my anger constructively has been one of the most taxing parts about this whole ordeal and I have lashed out more times than I’d like to admit.

Something that bothers me, more than most, is that a very big part of this process for me has been embarrassment. When I first told people that Amanda and I were getting married, I was met with tons of negative opinions from friends and family. Despite their lack of well wishes, I decided to marry her because I felt like they were wrong. I opened my soul and gave all my trust to one person. I don’t regret it, but when these things end, the vulnerability of the situation can be overwhelming, and that leaves a lot of room for embarrassment to creep in when you’re seeking comfort from the same people that told you not to do it in the first place. This, in itself, causes a great deal of frustration and resentment.

I’m angry because I feel stupid, because I can’t fathom how things ended the way they did and why she could walk away so easily. I don’t want to be mad at her, but I am trusting this process in hope that in time, I can stop being bitter.

ACCEPTANCE

It’s probably of no surprise that this stage has yet to come on, at least not fully, and I’m sure that’s because I have more rounds to go with each stage already mentioned. My hope for acceptance is that I learn something in the process. I hope that I can someday I look back, smile and have made peace with it all. I don’t have much I can say here for the time being, and I couldn’t speak frankly if I let myself type anything other than truth. The hard truth is that I know this will come, but I don’t know when, and I will allow myself to get there when I get there.

To anyone feeling these emotions, going through something similar, or just having a rough time – I get it. Don’t loose yourself too much, you’ll find a way.

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