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seoafin · 3 years

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Sooo i may or may not have become obsessed with the rip!verse (each of your posts make my day and white lighters what a delightful read, holy shit) and i have so many questions! (Pls ma'am... feed us... we need the high quality content you provide...)

1. What is reader's cursed technique? I remember toji saying she had potential upon (brutally) trying to kill her and her examining yuji to... idk, try to seal sukuna, but you've never explicitly said anyting and i am dying to know more (pls help)

2. We all know poor, poor Megumi suffers from the incessant pining between reader and gojo. But what about Yuji and Nobara? And the second years? Do they try to set them together, crossing out the ideas/plans they've already tried, becoming more and more desperate each time it inevitabely fails in the most improbable way? Or does gojo asks for their help?

3. And how could i not talk about the Shibuya Arc? (also known as "gege please for the love of god stop" arc) Where is reader? Did she manage to follow gojo abd watch the... incident unfold? Did she stay behind with Shoko? Did she go with the students? Did she join the kyoto school? How did she react upon learning that gojo was chillin' in his lil cube while the whole world was going to hell? (And did she see Getwo??? What was her reaction??? I have whole scene in mind and am now itching to write it down although i must sleep?? Why??)

(Yep, the rip!verse leaves rent free in my mind. Not that i complain though. It never ceases to amaze me no matter how many times i read it. Plus it inspires me for my own writing so *bows* thank you so much for creating such a bloody brilliant masterpiece! Have a lovely night/day!)

THIS ASK??? Hxhsbndnd i’m so glad you like the ripverse!!

prepare for an info dump + general information on rip!mc which I probably should have typed out/ elaborated on earlier LOL

honestly i'm still working out the details but it's probably going to be something along the lines of the ability to suspend time for a person/object with certain conditions that must be met. but once they're met you can hold it for as long as you wish. It’s not exactly an offensive cursed technique, but deadly if utilized properly! it also comes in handy when trying to study curses!

rip!mc is a historian/researcher who classifies curses which is a fascination which was born after geto left. weirdly, it helps you feel closer to him. your research takes you around the country, and even abroad some times (which gojo despises), but you’re more than well equipped to defend yourself. you trained maki with the polearm!!

I also like the idea of them occasionally teaching as an adjunct professor at Tokyo University (grad student MC ftw), so they know what it’s like to be a teacher, although it’s not exactly the same! the semesters you do teach—you occasionally stay with gojo

the reason why toji said that is bc rip!mc caught toji's eye a split second before he stabbed gojo. since you’re very very sensitive to cursed energy and by default, other people, the pure absence of cursed energy made you instinctively turn. toji was referring to the fact that if you honed your skill a little more, you maybe would have even sensed him!

also the reason why rip!mc is more sensitive to cursed energy than gojo is because he probably automatically filters out the sheer number different cursed energies (since the sensory overload would be crazy while rip!mc never really learned to do that and as a result became more attuned to cursed energies in general)

Also more about the cursed seals! Rip!mc is exceptionally good at making seals because of how sensitive they are to cursed energy. In harmonious, you had to gauge sukuna’s overall (at the time) power in order feel out whether or not you could make a good enough seal (the higher ups requested it) to contain sukuna.

Everyone is tired of gojo’s pining. And suspicious at how oddly ignorant you are. When gojo makes himself at home on your lap in the middle of a meeting for the umpteenth time, and you’re completely unfazed, everyone’s like?????

It kinda goes back to how rip!mc refuses relationships because she knows she’s going to die (hazards of the job), and she’s afraid of leaving a lover behind more than anything (childhood trauma. involves parents), and in her head, friends and lovers are two distinctly different things (they really aren’t). Getting over a friend's death is different from getting over a lover’s death (once again, not really, who’s going to tell her???)

And gojo, for as much as he lacks boundaries (ie; has none) tries to accommodate it the best he can although you’ve always been his. shoko always tells gojo that (like always when it comes to rip!mc) he’s jumping the gun, but he shoots her with finger guns and says that he has no idea what she’s talking about :)

Maybe the reason why you’re never home is because you doesn’t want to confront your feelings haha

When it comes to the nosy students. Nobara likes you but can’t fathom gojo in a relationship. Yuji automatically assumes you and gojo are dating. Maki thinks that you can do so much better than that idiot. Panda thinks it’s cute. Inumaki: Salmon. Yuta sees the way gojo “looks” at you but thinks he’s overthinking it, and doesn’t want to say anything.

Megumi, on the other hand, tells everyone to leave it since he’s a bit protective over rip!mc.

You’re not the only one!! I’ve gotten messages on ao3 asking about the shibuya arc LOL 😭

the reader was called back from Okinawa as backup and reached tokyo as soon as gojo entered the curtain. he texted her saying not to worry (haha). They entered with shoko and yaga to protect her and the patients. And when she hears that gojo’s been sealed, she’s completely bewildered. Gojo can take care of himself wherever he is, she’s more worried about the students than him tbh LOL (gojo is definitely going to whine about that later)

When megumi’s dropped off by yuji (ugh!!!) this is where it could go either way.

1) Shoko sees how worried you are about yuji, whose cursed energy you picked up before he ran away, and tells you to go. You find him but he runs away from you. If this happened I could see a getwo reunion (I’m hurt, did you already forget my face?) where getwo reaches out to touch your hair and gets stopped by surprise, surprise, original geto deep inside. Cue some more body vs soul philosophical talking points before you eventually meet up with the kyoto gang AND utahime!!!

2) Stay with shoko. Eventually get called to the Kyoto group.

Meanwhile inside the prison realm gojo is playing with a ring the size of your ring finger (how he got the measurement nobody knows)

#i will...probably make another post that's more coherent than this but im just v excited you asked LOL #the thing is....gojo WOULD ask you to seriously marry him without having gone on one official date with you...like he'd do it..#at least...it's not a ringpop....#and hellooo?? write it down write anything down even the smallest bit im sure would be amazing!!#I want the shibuya arc to come to an almost close before really thinking abt it tho #ripverse

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lynndoublelegacy · 3 years

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just a cool dnd meme i saw

Yook so it’s less a meme and more like. a big ol questionare but hey, might as well do it. originally saw it on @/probablyottrpgideas, go check them out

1. Game Master, Player, or both? Why?

Ok so technically I’ve DMed twice but I really don’t find it fun? and don’t ever want to do it again. so. Player. I like building characters and their connections with fellow PCs more than building worlds

2. When did you start roleplaying? How old were you?

oh god, if we’re talking about roleplaying in general? I’ve been doing it basically as long as I can remember. As a kid I would play House, and then once I got older in like 5th grade I actually started making characters and playing out their stories with friends. Google+ is what made me realize this was actually like, a THING, though, and I got into some roleplaying groups there, then on DevaintArt. Dungeons and Dragons is a newer development? I got into it in late 2018 when my sister’s friend invited us to a one-shot, and... well, yea, I got hooked lol

3. What was the first roleplaying book you ever owned?

dude, bold of you to assume I really own any. I don’t have that kind of money and literally only own the Guide to Wildemount, and that was a gift

4. Describe the first game you ever ran or played in.

I mean... it’s not a game but ima describe the one shot, bc my first campaign was a hot mess without a true storyline and I used the same character for it anyway. I played a tiefling bard called Aisling Kai (I didn’t know this was a cliche combo at this point, and I honestly played her like a rogue with a music motif but Whatever) and we were a little group tasked to figure out why the hell anyone who goes into this cave never comes out. So we go in, make our way through the dungeon, fight some frog people (I made one of their ears bleed just by getting a nat 20 on a performance check to play a high f# on flute, that was fun, FWEET), and turns out yep, theres a hill giant down here. We kicked his ass and collapsed the cave on top of us (dw I think we were fine but my memory is a little screwy)

5. What system did you grow up with? / 6. Which system do you play now?

i learned on and currently play dnd 5e. I don’t really know anything else, but I’m debating checking out Vampire of the Masquerade.

7. Longest campaign you’ve run or played in?

That would be my Tal’Dorei campaign group, aka The Fatefallen! Started in the Fall of 2019 and still going to this day, just played our 45th session last week. I play Ilia Liadon, the drow grave cleric, and the only member of our party who has been there for every single session since the beginning.

8. Where did you meet your current gaming group?

...well first I feel the need to mention that I have 3 different groups (2 of them are on hiatus now for pandemic related reasons but! we’re still groups). My first group (with Aisling) was formed slowly over time as friends adopted friends into the group, I think it started as a school club? but that didn’t last long. The other two started from a different school club as well, though one has since branched out into other people as well.

9. Strategic combat or dramatic plotlines?

I am a roleplayer first and a gamer second. Give me all of the backstories and dramatic plotlines. Don’t get me wrong, I still like combat, but story takes precedent for me.

10. Favorite RPG genre?

I don’t tend to define myself by genre? But I tend to fall into more of a fantasy, at most arcanapunk style. Give me all of the magic, and magic powered tech.

11. Your first character.

I got into her a little bit earlier, but my first character was Aisling, aka Calypso Kai. She was a homebrew subclass bard with a criminal background, who honestly? should’ve been a rogue. I’ve since rebuilt her into an Assassin Rogue/College of Eloguence Bard multiclasser, but this iteration was like. Baby her, baby me new to dnd, I did not know what I was doing. She tried to be edgy, but my mom energy came through HARD and she just. Never really had a set characterization. She deserves better and I plan on playing her better sometime in the future.

12. Your favorite character.

You are making me choose between my children. BUT, if I had to pick, either Ilia Liadon, or! Ashe Wednesday, a protector aasimar drunken master monk and my profile picture. Ashe also deserved a lot better from their campaign, so I have a massive soft spot for them, they were made during a really tough time in my life (as was Ilia) and was going through an equally rough time in-game, since I made them for a Curse of Strahd campaign without understanding what I was getting into. They’re my little rebellious asshole and I love them dearly, someone get this kid therapy. Ilia, on the other hand, is just... she’s a comfort character for me at this point. mostly soft edges, such a mom- while Ashe was me yelling “come at me” at the world while crying, Ilia was just... embracing it. Making it better. basically, if they actually existed, I would die for both of them.

13. Your most ridiculous character.

I don’t usually play super ridiculous characters, but! I would say Keothi “Bookfinder” Vaimeil counts. She was basically me looking all of the goliath barbarian stereotypes in the eye, and going “nah. she’s a nerd.” She’s literally a massive puppy dog, just the sweetest big old thing, sitting in her house and reading all the books she can get her hands on in order to make up for her amnesia. Oh, and did I mention that she’s a zombie? ...yea. She’s wacky, but I love her.

14. The best in-character line you’ve ever had.

“I need sleep. I don’t even sleep and I need sleep.”

~Ilia, after a particularly tough fight and an emotionally draining day

15. Your most epic death.

Ok so... none of my characters in game have ever actually died during the storyline? Keothi obviously has in her backstory, and Ilia might have in hers as well, it was never explicitly stated, but during the game? Nope. Ashe got stupid close, but nope. Since Keothi is my only death period, and her death was pretty epic, I’m just gonna describe that. Her parents and siblings in her Goliath tribe had all fallen ill, so she decided to go searching for a possible cure, and ended up getting conned into helping this cult, since they said they would cure her family. Turns out, yea, they were lying, they just needed a goliath willing to sacrifice themselves with a cursed sword. They made the mistake of revealing this before Keothi was actually dead, so as she was dying, she brought the entire goddamn cultist temple down to the bottom of the sea and took the cultists with her. The sword was why she was undead, in the Shadowfell, and couldn’t remember anything.

16. Your most disappointing death.

As mentioned, I’ve never died in campaign, but I feel like I have to mention this one that happened to our party in Curse of Strahd. We were in the death house, all 5 of us, still level 1, and our barbarian falls into a pit trap with spikes. None of us realize she’s actually dead, so we send out paladin down to get her... with the monk, the bard, and the warlock holding the rope. ....yea both of them died.

17. Something that shouldn’t have worked, but it did.

I’m stuck between two options for this one. First one was the time our water genasi paladin/rogue bloodbended our gnome cleric into a bridge to keep her from falling all the way down a ravine. The second time was when our party managed to defend a small seaside town from a pirate raid with just an NPC with Control Water, a ballista, ourselves, and some explosives. Neither should’ve worked, but both did. Having a triton in your party can really come in clutch in a seaside campaign.

18. Something that went hilariously awry.

I have one that’s hilarious and one that’s horrifying. Hilarious one: in my first ever campaign, someone from Aisling’s backstory popped up and our sorcerer went “that’s shady” (to be fair, he was) and then went to investigate BY HIMSELF. He obviously got kidnapped by the mafia, and then we went all stealth mission to break him out. Stealth was immediately abandoned after our other bard used a SCREAMING SWORD to break open the locks, then we proceeded to go out the way we came, setting everything on fire on the way out, and with our bard lying their way out the front door (with the rest of us in tow as “prisoners”) by pretending to be a fellow mafia member. It was great. Horrifying one: Ilia tries to Send to a member of the party who left in order to let him know that a fellow party member had died. Forgot that he left bc his mind was invaded by a previously dead, very evil old god, and ends up trapped there with him for a while. Ended up with all of our main spellcasters trapped in their own heads while the barbarian paced around worriedly and the rogue decided he was going to get smashed instead of worrying himself silly.

19. Your most memorable in-character moment.

There are a LOT in Ilia’s campaign, but! If I had to pick one, it would actually be a pretty recent one involving Ilia and our party’s wizard, Liara. They’re basically the embodiment of head vs heart? Anyway, Liara is currently suffering from something called magic corruption, though idk if suffering is the right word. Anyway! It basically resulted in her getting... possessed? by her own magic during the night during Ilia’s watch, and they had a really, really interesting conversation regarding guilt, death, and grief, and yea basically I love them. Honorable mention to our druid’s death (he’s back and better now, but that was my first long-time death in a game, we didn’t know he was coming back) and also the moment that Ilia realized that her childhood bff/crush had been revived in a new body and that this NPC was her best friend. That was a trip.

20. The coolest item you ever got and how you came to possess it.

I got this item in the revamp of my first ever campaign and nothing has topped it since which is Sad but hey. Anyway! I got this really cool, possibly cursed dagger after I threw a knife at an absolutely eldritch being and it got stuck in him as he transformed. It looked really badass, and allowed me to cast Inflict Wounds on occasion when I stabbed someone with it. So yea, we love that. Honorable mention to my paladin/bloodhunter’s Helm of the Aberrant Gladiator which allows you to basically do a bunch of fear based affects and psychic stuff.

Numbers 21 through 30 don’t apply to me but. yea. enjoy this summary of my dnd history I guess

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #d&d #d&d 5e #dnd meme #i would like to apologize to Vail and Zohros #they deserved better than to be briefly mentioned but their campaigns are also on hiatus #so they're not overly relevant rn #vail is the paladin/bloodhunter #zohros is the triton #he's a rogue

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littlefrostwrites · 4 years

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Prompt: a group of boys find a dead body

for my writing challenge

Kell puts his phone down on his desk, having just finished a phone call with a client. He had good news for her today, happy he was able to let her know that the opposition had decided to settle [description of case here]. It had been nice to hear her happy and grateful voice when he call, but he admitted it had been far more satisfying to see the opposing lawyer’s face when he had executed the winning move. He shrugged his suit jacket back onto his shoulders, having removed it early when he felt warm. But now he wanted to feel put together, as he headed to his managing partner’s office to report the good news.

He swept through the doors, not bothering to knock as he could see through the glass that she wasn’t busy.

“I settled the London case!” he declared, dropping the file on Astrid Athos’ desk and plopping into the seat across from her. She didn’t look up from where her eyes were fixed on the screen of her laptop.”

“That’s great,” she said. Kell frowned. “But it’s just pro bono. None of that money is going to the firm.” At this, she finally looked up and took off her glasses. She was unimpressed.

“Yes, but it does make our firm look good, doesn’t it, to be taking on all these pro bono cases, and not only that, but also winning them. So spectacularly as well!” Kell laughed. “You should have seem opposing counsel’s faces-”

“Yes it’s all very well a good that we won, but it needn’t have been you.” Kell sighed as Astrid launched into a well trodden argument. “As a firm, I agree we have to do pro bono, but that’s what we have associates for. You don’t only don’t pass off your mandatory two cases per year to associates as most partners do, you’ve already taken on triple that number this year. And it’s only March.”

“What can I say, I’m a benevolent guy,” Kell quipped. It was lighthearted in delivery, but they both knew it wasn’t truly. Astrid got up from behind the desk and walked over to where Kell was sitting. He stood up, uncomfortable with her looming over him. This way, he was taller and felt more in control, and so when she put a hand on his cheek gently, it didn’t sting as much.

“Son, you are a good person. You don’t have to keep making up for the past.” She let her hand and her words linger for a few seconds, before retracting her arm and turning back to her side of her desk. “Besides, you left your silly dreams of civil law behind a long time ago and are a corporate lawyer. And in this field, you do what is best for the firm. What is best for this firm is for you, our highly skilled junior partner, to continue winning cases for paying clients. So I ask that you focus on that for the remainder of the quarter. Do you understand me?” Kell sighed and then nodded sharply.

“Yes.”

_____

Delilah is in the kitchen when Kell finally gets home around 8 PM, the table set and the food cold on top it. She’s not mad though, just greets him with a kiss, asking him how work was and chiming, “You work so hard!” when he told her briefly about his day. They eat dinner in silence, a simple pasta salad. Delly had grown up in a house with not one, but multiple maids to clean the large rooms and cook for her family of six. When they moved in together, Kell had refused Delly’s inquiry of hiring a maid for themselves, citing that two young professionals should be able to also keep the house clean and cook for themselves. When she had accepted his marriage proposal though, she had made him promise that they would at least get a nanny when they eventually had a child. He had agreed reluctantly, supposing that hiring on one staff wasn’t all that uncommon and would necessarily write them off as rich and out of touch. He hoped.

He asked after Delly’s day as well, which had ended at 4 pm as it always did. She informed him that she had lunch with a number of sponsors, pitching to them the mission of the non-profit that she worked at rather successfully too. Delly was good at her job, and people instantly took to her, charmed by the story of the daughter of the CEO of one of the largest tech companies in the world using her business degree to work for a non-profit that paid far less than reasonable to support the luxuries that she was accustomed to. What was often left out of the conversation was hefty trust fund that had be deposited into her account at the age of 25 and the company shares that her father had bought in her name since she was four years old.

Image mattered though, and Delly was perfect for Kell, not only because she was genuinely kind and wanted to help people, but also because she was beautiful, well-connected and had a do-gooder reputation. And Kell was perfect for Delly, a lawyer at a firm that often took on high-profile pro-bono cases, showing they cared about the public, but also a corporate lawyer, with a salary that meant they and their children would never want for anything, even without any of Delly’s family money.

“Dinner with your parents tomorrow,” Delly reminded him once they had finished dinner and gotten ready for bed. They were lying together in the center of the bed, with his arm around her and her head tucked against his chest. They felt perfect together like this, Kell thought to himself. The kind of couple you would see in a movie, the couple you would root for because they just seemed to fit.

“Right, 6 pm yeah?” Delly hummed in agreement before extracting herself briefly from his arms to turn off the light on the nightstand. Then she was back again and Kell found himself drifting off to sleep.

***

Delly and Kell have dinner with his parents once a month, and have dinner with her parents once a month as well, alternating every two weeks to be fair. Today is a Tuesday and they make the forty minute drive from their condo downtown to the very outskirts of the city, watching as the skyscrapers vanish and are replaced by highways, trees and hills, and grand mansions. They park on the driveway of the largest one on the block, a pure ivory two story with five garages and a lakefront view. The first time Kell had brought Delly over, she had spent most of the meeting gushing with his mother about interior design, complementing her exquisite and classy taste in decor, and gathering inspiration for their future house. Kell knew that Delly was already scoping out the market on top of her involvement in their wedding preparations, and had even gone to a couple of open houses with her mother.

Astrid and Athos greeted Delly and Kell with hugs, before graciously accepting the cherry pie that Delly had baked, instructing the maids to take it to the kitchen to keep warm until it was time for dessert.

They settled down for their meal and made idle small talk, before Athos spoke more purposefully.

“Kell, I heard that your highschool class is having their ten year reunion this weekend?” He looked pointedly at his son. “Are you planning to make an appearance?”

“Oh we should! It would be so nice to meet some of your old classmates!” Delly exclaimed before Kell could respond.

“Yes, I think it’d be a good opportunity to touch base with them, reminisce on old times and also, show them your achievements, how much you’ve changed and grown since you all saw each other last.” Athos gives Kell a meaningful look and Kell understands what he’s getting at. He considers for a moment and then says,

“I’d forgotten that was coming up. Yes I agree, it’d be good to make an appearance.” Delly made an excited noise at that and they continued on with their meal.

Later, as they were getting ready to leave, Astrid took her son aside.

“I’m proud that you’ve decided to see your highschool classmates again. I know it must have been hard for you to make that decision.”

“I think it’s time to confront them, don’t you? I’m a different person now, and it’s time to show them all that.” Kell’s voice was steady with conviction, but inside he felt a bit uneasy, a ball of anxiety starting to unfurl. He tapped it down and smiled at his mother. “I’m sure it’ll go fine. And Delly’s so excited to meet everyone, I’m sure she’ll smooth over any awkward moments.”

“Yes I’m sure it’ll go great, you’ll both impress everyone. Delly was such a good choice for you, she brightens your whole demeanor.” Kell sniffed at that remark, but gave his mother a kiss of the cheek goodbye and his father a hug, finally leaving with one last remark that he would see Astrid bright and early tomorrow at work.

Scene 3 (unfinished): The reunion happens and goes well. Catches up with boys. No classmates approach them at first, but then slowly some people integrate. Main character repeatedly points out good deeds he has done. Gets internally angry when another classmate takes attention off him recounting his probono work. But halfway through, some of the classmates take the stage to commemorate the death of one of their classmates. Fiance, “you never told me someone in your class died?”. The word “suicide” is explicitly used at one point. When getting refreshments, Fiance asks him if he knew the other boy well bc he seems “sad”. He mutters not really, is overhead by another classmate. They confront him about it, fiancé finds out.

The reunion is on Saturday, so Wednesday morning, Kell reaches out to his old crew from highschool, asking if any of them are planning on attending as well. When he’s

“The people here are so rude.” Delly interrupts him and Holland with a sniff and a light stomp of the foot. Kell asks her what she’s on about. “We were chatting so nicely and then they asked who I was with, so I told them I was your fiance and then they suddenly made up some sort of excuse and left! I was just in the middle of convincing them to become donors too.” Delly tried to use every opportunity to promote her causes. As shallow and airheaded as Kell thought she could be, it was moments like this that reminded him why everyone else bought into her passion for making the world a better place. She put so much effort into it that how could anyone doubt her intentions?

“You never told me someone in your class died? Is that why you’ve been so off today? Did you know him well?” Her beautiful face turned inquisitively towards his, her face scrunched in empathy. Kelly adjusted his tie uncomfortably, lowering his voice.

“Uh, no we weren’t close. I barely knew him,” he lied, trying to keep his voice down. But clearly someone heard him.

“Excuse me?” Kell and Delly turned to face a red headed lady with a wine glass in her hand. She looked irate and her face was red, a juxtaposition against the cream white of her business casual dress.

“I’ve heard you! Boasting about all your achievements, all your phony do-gooding. You’re trying to erase what you did in the past, but we all remember. No matter how many cases you win, how many donations you make to anti-bullying campaigns, how many[...] we won’t be fooled again. You’ll always be a cruel, hateful boy and someday, you’re going to trip up again and show those you’ve fooled who you really are - a mean, hateful man, and now a liar and phony.” Kell thought she was done speaking but then she turned to Delly and said, “I’m so sorry honey,” before turning to him again to finish off with, “Go home Dane. Nobody wants you here.”

A crowd had gathered around them, and Kell could see in the eyes of his former classmates and just as they hadn’t wanted him at their school graduation, they didn’t want him at their reunions either. It didn’t matter that some of them had been genuinely interested in talking with him about the various non-profit initiatives he was invested in and the one he was setting up at his firm, now they were reminded of their shared past and everything he had done since was tinged with insincerity. So he lifted his glass in acknowledgement, set it half empty down onto a nearby table, before taking his leave, sweeping a slightly starstruck Delly against him and towards the exit.

******

Delly was quiet in the car and didn’t speak until they got home. She took her heels off in the front entrance and then dropped onto the couch in their living now. Kell hovered into the kitchen, but could still hear her when she said,

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kell flipped the kettle on and let the sound of the water heating up fill the space between them for a few moments.

“I didn’t want you to think any different of me.” He sighed as he walked towards her and then sat down on the coffee table in front of Delly, taking her hands in his. She didn’t look at him. “We were silly teenage boys back then, too caught up in our own worlds to understand the effect that we were having on him. If we had known how sensitive he was--”

“Sensitive?” Delly interrupted, and the tone of her voice would have keyed him into the danger of the situation he was stepping into. He hurried to correct himself.

“My point is that I understand what we did wrong back then, I wouldn’t do it again. I regret it every day. I’ve changed.”

“Have you? Do you regret what happened because a boy died or do you regret it because your classmates think you’re a terrible person? You know I always did wonder if you truly wanted to do good why didn’t you go into civil law? Why corporate? It never did make sense to me. And now I know! You don’t really care about the less fortunate, you only care about your image! It’s not about helping your client out, it’s about winning, and showing the world how many pro bono cases you’ve done so that they’ll all say, Wow look at Kell Dane, such a champion for the voiceless! You’re a fraud!” Her voiced gradually got louder as she spoke, to the point where she nearly screamed her last accusation at him.

“You’re one to talk! You’re always going on about new initiatives, and helping those more fortunate than you and then turn around and buy clothing that has been created in sweatshops by the very people you say you care about. I may be a fraud, but you’re a hypocrite!” He lashed out. Delly stared at him with wide eyes. Kell had never yelled at her before, had always made sure to never raise his voice, present himself as a soft hearted, but capable, man. She slowly crumpled, like a butterfly with a broken wing would, and he saw one tear start to fall, and then she slapped him. The force of it whipped his head to the right. Kell didn’t go after her when she ran off to the bedroom.

Delly cries herself to sleep and Kell waits until her tears subside before crawling into bed next to her. He wonders if this is the beginning of the end again. Everyone had been so quick to turn against him in high school, the students, the teachers, the administrative staff, and especially the school board who were only negotiated into allowing him to graduate with the contingency that he was homeschooled for the rest of the year, didn’t attend the ceremony and didn’t speak to the press. The other boys were treated the same way, and they barely talked to each other either, too shocked about what had happened and each ruminating on their own role in Rhy’s fate. Kell spent the next year, next few years, angry with everyone. He was angry with himself for being so stupid as to not have seen it coming, for his friends for the same, at his parents using their money to get him out of any consequences, at everyone at school for deeming him a villain. He vowed to prove them wrong, show them that he wasn’t bad, that he had just been a normal teenage boy, maybe with a bit of a mean streak, but really he was quite decent, good even. He would show them, he had thought.

But now it was clear that he had failed.

Kell tried not to think about Rhy before, because thinking about him made him sad and angry and hopeless, and Kell was trying to remake himself so he could not afford to feel sad and angry about hopeless. Maybe that’s why he never told Delly, because he didn’t want to believe that it had happened, choosing to remove those moments in highschool from his character. But now, after being rejected once again by his classmates and lying in his bed with his fiance turned away from him, he does think about Rhy. Specifically, he thinks about how Rhy had felt when it had happened, if he had been scared. Or if he felt all those years ago the way Kell does now, empty and hopeless, as he set the scene and pulled the trigger on himself.

#frostweeklychallenge #did better this week #outlined earlier and wrote a lot more #but didn't actually finish the story - i ran out of time #i actually really like my idea for this week? may return to this #unfinished may return #also have not read this over at all oops #I think I've started to understand how to structure my time for writing throughout the week

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2slowgoers · 6 years

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Struggling to be a positive influence

Great to read from you again, L!

Sucks that your workplace is overworking you. I think it’s hard especially because you’re in an internship position, so you don’t really have too much say over the justness of work delegation and payment. That said, I’m equally excited for you about your impending adventures with Ha and the end of a crummy work experience. Sending you positive brainwaves!

Let me get to the meat of this post before I respond to any of your questions. These past few days (and months) have been a huge struggle for me in terms of my family’s dynamics with my sister M. I’ve been trying my best to be compassionate and trusting, but some of her actions have really been trying. Tuesday was Halloween and I explicitly told her to come home by 8:30pm from trick-or-treating. After my own classes ended at 10pm, I found out that she still hadn’t returned so my dad and I went on a wild goose chase across town (and got the help of her friend’s parents) to look for her. She ended up coming home around 11, which resulted in me screaming and hitting her with my drawing mat. Wednesday after class I went to find M after class bc she had a volunteering opportunity at a library that started at 3:30, but she didn’t show up until 3:20. I was so stressed and angry at that point by her apparent lack of regard for time that I yelled at her in public and made her cross the street while the light was red. Today I reflected on the past few days and recognised that I was having trouble controlling my anger and that I needed to treat M as an adult, so I planned to apologise about yelling at her in public yesterday. Then we got a call from the principal about her being in a compromising situation with weed and... I just felt really resigned. It felt like nothing I (or the rest of my family) could say or do would affect M in her decisions. We called home to see if M had returned, and nobody answered. Earlier today my mom had told M to go home early, so this seemed like just another red flag. I decided to address M calmly at home, partly because I was so tired of yelling and being constantly on edge. Eventually she came home and we talked it out and it turns out she didn’t smoke weed; she just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. That said, I made her promise not to take anything that’s remotely problematic from her friends, because as you know from behaviour patterns from systemic authority in America, actual innocence doesn’t always matter. Anyway, talking to M calmly assured me that she’s still a good kid. She’s just very self-absorbed.

Luckily, M’s high school is offering a mental health resources info session next week, so I’m telling my mom to go with her to the event. I would go but I have class. Hopefully this can help give us a head start to figuring out what to do about M’s anxiety. I’ve learned from these past few days that I really need to work on controlling my anger and having more faith in M.

Oh, here are some quick responses to your questions haha.

How are your classes going?

Classes have been going much smoother now, thank goodness. I kinda evaded the biggest problem (which was doing the actual data mining part) because a team mate did it first, so it was cheap on my part but oh well haha no worries for now. I’ve been struggling a bit with design, because sometimes I know my pieces aren’t great but I’m not really sure how to fix them. It’s so subjective, yet it’s also so clear when something just doesn’t work.

What is a huge priority for you?

I don’t really have too much of a priority. I’ve been struggling to stay committed to the daily workout, but it’s also the thing I’ve been trying to prioritise and push myself to do. I think I just feel physically better as well when I have a good workout (although a bad workout can make me feel worse). I feel like I’m just passing each day right now, filling it with just daily obligations like homework, cooking, and working out. I’ve been jotting down all my drawing/painting ideas but even that’s been slowing down. I also haven’t been able to paint yet, which is kind of annoying but inevitable. I want it to be a priority, but I think part of me has been scared to put it on the front burner.

Anyway, it’s awesome that you’re getting involved in the yoga studio. I hope it’s been helping you feel both physically and mentally better. I know you have a lot of work this week so maybe you won’t be able to go to too many classes. Don’t worry! This week will be over soon and you will get your work done! :)

Oh yeah, how did that talk with the former WOC worker go? Did her experience give you any insight? I think your current plans and interests are already quite fleshed out, and it’d be awesome to see you thrive somewhere combining social justive, research and design.

Okay I should go to bed. Thanks for being here,

W (Nov 2, 2017)

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