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#i miss being able to sit down. and i’m Regretting de-converting my standing desk back to sitting bc now. i cannot use my PC
seventh-district
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1 month
Text
i’m not like other girls, my “Rest” stats are a heart rate of 110bpm and a HRV of 14 fucking milliseconds. :)
#Seven’s Public Diary
#vent
#vent post
#cw vent
#cw vent post
#cw health
#cw heart
#i’m so stressed :) i am soooo fucking stressed and my body is Suffering because of it
#i want to just lay here and stare at the ceiling but. maybe a little venting will help
#sighhhh wish [N]MbD Sun were here to obsessively fret over me
#he can be mean about it idc. at least i’d have someone acknowledging how bad things are for me
#sometimes i wonder when the last time was that my body Wasn’t in fight or flight to some degree
#have i Ever actually relaxed
#hhhhhhh c-ptsd is a bitch
#anyways there’s so much to vent about but i’m. doing my best to be vague. i need to be more vague about things
#a lot of stuff i can’t vent about anyways. it’s too personal
#so instead i’m gonna complain abt how i haven’t been able to play Genshin or Star Rail for nearly a month now
#and about how slowly my back is recovering. it’s like every time i re-injure/have a flare up. it heals.. worse. slower and lesser
#i dunno how it’s ever gonna get better. truly better. maybe i’ll live with this forever
#if being fat is the problem which is definitely partly is. then yeah i’m fucked
#all of my problems just make each other worse and i don’t know where the way out of it all is
#every time i think i’ve found it i’m wrong and i just make it all worse
#anyways as soon as i figure out how to strengthen my core without breaking my back. it’s over for u bitches
#‘u bitches’ being uh. all of the shit that needs doing that i cannot physically fucking do right now
#i miss being able to sit down. and i’m Regretting de-converting my standing desk back to sitting bc now. i cannot use my PC
#which means i can’t fucking do a some of my work or play my silly little gacha games and i’m mad abt it
#i’m mad abt a lot more serious things too but again. can’t talk abt it so i’m gonna focus on trivial shit instead
#anyways. sorry as always to everyone i haven’t spoken with lately. and in general. i’m so drained from the Everything that i just. can’t.
#it shouldn’t be this hard for me to stay in touch w ppl but. it is. guess i’ll add that onto my list of things to be stressed about
#i’m so tired of everything man. and i hate being so negative and mean when im stressed & in pain. makes me feel like im becoming my father
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