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partnersatfazbear · 3 years

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Midnight Motorist - An Essay

I promised this awhile ago, but my thoughts on Midnight Motorist... This mini-game has literally kept me awake for hours on two separate occasions trying to figure it out, lol! So, reading the Updated Freddy Files *suggests, not confirms* that Toy Chica: The High School Years may be how William lured each child. I made notes on this, of course.

Although I listed who was used as a stand in for each, it has no bearing on the actual child killed.

The first, represented by Foxy, is already dead. I assumed this was a stand in for Norman/CC.

Second, represented by Freddy, was lured away with promises to help with homework.

Third, represented by Wolf. Run over their dog. We all know this is referring to Susie/Chica.

Fourth, represented by Toy Bonnie. It was suggested that their house be set on fire and then Chica uses her body to put out the flames. Best I could settle for this one was perhaps pulling a fire alarm at the restaraunt, or something similar.

Fifth, Funtime Foxy. Live hostages. Presumably luring a child away with promises that their friend / missing friend is in the back room.

Sixth, the Puppet. This one is the most interesting and why I'm including it here. Chica says "I'll come over to their house later, maybe break through a window, or set the house on fire and smoke them out [IIRC, I am paraphrasing a little]" The window, in my honest opinion, has to refer to Midnight Motorist. Scott has made a point of adding things in a following game to clarify the game before (starting at least since Sister Location). With the other one referencing Susie and Fruity Maze, I think this theory holds up, although it doesn't really help solve Midnight Motorist I think it's very important to note. (William has as much of an obsession with fire as Henry, huh?)

Lastly, there is Pigpatch. It's implied William would have knocked out a child and told them he rescued them after being "kidnapped". I really like this one.

The number of victims adds up to the number of children: BV, Freddy, Foxy, Bonnie, Chica, Golden Freddy, and Puppet.

Now that that's out of the way, I feel this heavily implies the footprints outside the window in MM are William's. The feet match the Glitchtrap suit, which most of us assume is a prototype for Spring Bonnie. Not only that, but obviously the springlock suits wouldn't work in the rain. Second, if you take some logic to it and see Charlotte as the first victim (no suit, no hiding the body, developing MO) then this killing would be the start of his MO--kind of an "in-between" point where he's evolving. Now, as to who the people in the house are...

In my fic, I kept the general idea that it was William as mustard man (thank you MatPat, this is my fav name for our mysterious fellow). Mostly because despite the evidence listed there is still a ton of evidence supporting it:

Later That Night - this is the name of the game file for MM.

Rain - Due to the in-game rain and this title its heavily implied to be just after Charlotte's death.

Grey Text - Michael is the only one to have the grey text and has similarities to Chair Person. (Note: I think Matpat did point out the color is slightly different, but it's still grey.)

Purple Car - William is the only one seen with a Purple Car back in one of the mini-games (FNAF 2, IIRC). To further support this, the car is also seen as an easter egg in the Dreadbear DLC of Help Wanted (with purple headlights). This is probably the most damning evidence that Mustard Man is William, in my opinion... but then how do the footprints make sense?

In my fic, I explained it away as footprints from the evening before (it was the best I could muster at the time) but this is super weak :V So this kind of brings us to alternative theories. If it is William, the supporting evidence is... good evidence of that. So, the other options are:

A Child Victim's Family - This is my second favorite theory because I think it could possibly work for, say, TOYSNHK [The One You Should Not Have Killed, hereby pronounced Toy-Shnuck] (who I made Cassidy). The problem with this is the child's gender is referred to as male. And there's a huge debate on Cassidy being female in game lore and TOYSNHK/GF being male. It IS a gender neutral name and wouldn't be the first time Scott changed a gender (see: Puppet), BUT it's pretty weak since all the info we have on TOYSNHK is recent. It could be another child that isn't Susie, though, but why show some random child as opposed to an important one? PizzaSim's games all revolve around specifics like Puppet (the first to die overall) and Susie (the first to die of the main five).

Henry is Mustard Man - This is the theory my wife likes. I can sort of see it and I even considered it at one point, but there isn't much evidence to go on. Why is the car purple is the biggest wrench for me. I also have problems with Mustard Man's attitude ("This is MY house", "He'll be sorry") Even if Henry was torn up about Charlotte, I can't see him treating his kids this way. This would also heavily imply the missing window kid to be Sammy, which hasn't been referenced in the game lore at all. He was barely mentioned in the novel trilogy, even. This also makes Gray Text either Aunt Jen or Henry's wife. There's just not enough to support this, in my opinion.

UPDATE 5/28/21 - Please see this post analyzing Fazbear Fright’s story “What We Found” for a more detailed look at what I’m about to explain that supports the Henry theory: Also from the books, CC / Norman is now referred to as Evan.

For this to work, we must assume Henry is an alcoholic after Charlotte’s death. I think the “later that night” evidence becomes somewhat irrelevant, because if this was the night of Charlotte’s death it wouldn’t really make sense. Part of me wondered if it took place after FNAF 2′s Springtrap cutscene, but the footprints don’t match. It has to be Spring Bonnie or Glitchtrap. Also, Evan and Elizabeth have also died by this point because neither are seen in the mini-game in this theory. You also must assume, based on the story evidence, that Henry married / stayed with Mrs. Afton after William either “died” or they divorced--they had to have been together for an x amount of time as for Mrs. Afton to be living with Henry but also the fact that Mrs. Afton kept Michael and the purple car. Henry using William’s car wouldn’t be unheard of if Mrs. Afton kept the car and the house, I just don’t feel Henry would use it unless he had been using the vehicle awhile. This also explains the Bonnie-esque footprints outside since William would want to come get / visit his kid he’s [most likely] no longer allowed to see. He may even be taking Michael back to the FNAF 4 house (implying that the house we see in MM is Henry’s). Speaking of, if we assume William’s intentions are [likely] bad, he’s probably taking Michael back to experiment with the Funtime-Nightmares, if you believe this theory. I think this theory is probably true considering the random grave (which, in this context has no answer except a Twisted animatronic aka a Nightmare) AND because the blueprints in Sister Location SHOW the Nightmares on the display during Funtime Freddy’s repair, implying they are real and not imagined. This is also assumed to be punishment for Michael killing Evan. I think Michael goes WITH William because of his tumultuous relationship with a now mentally ill and drunkard Henry. Henry probably knows that William killed Charlotte and a common theme in some works is a parent seeing their child (or a murderer) in a child aka Michael reminds Henry of William, so he neglects him (which in itself wouldn’t be out of place for Henry, since he already wasn’t a very attentive parent).

The main issue with this theory is that it sort of assumes that CC was Michael and not Evan. I don’t think that’s the case, though.

While we're on this version, I also want to discuss evidence for the MM driver being drunk. Not only are you driving on the opposite side of traffic, the Files book explicitly states "crashing" into the secret road for the mini-game. Not that Henry couldn't be drunk, especially if he just found Charlotte dead, but... for me personally it seems a stretch. And I already mentioned the car.

William's Father - This is an interesting idea, but the foot prints kind of rule it out. At least there's an explanation for the car, though, right? Still, it doesn't explain the foot prints unless you assume maybe his father was more alike Afton than we thought. But then why bother showing us background on our killer so late with no pay off? I easily dismiss this theory.

A new theory, at least one I haven't seen posed yet:

Vanny - That's right. Vanny. What if she survived/lived? Some leaks even suggest she may be related to the Aftons. Mustard Man's color is similar to Princess Quest's heroine. It explains the footprints, but doesn't explain the car. This would make for a nice foreshadowing of Vanny, IMO, but it’s weak at best.

You know when Matpat discusses "that one puzzle peice that we're missing"? That's this entire mess of a mini-game. Don't get me wrong, the music is bawlin and it's fun to talk about, otherwise I wouldn't write about it, but it is undoubtedly FRUSTRATING.

What are your opinions?

I also wanted to point out some other interesting things from the Files book I haven't seen discussed: There is confirmation of two sets of gold suits. Not only is there the FNAF 2 phone call, but the text specifies between Spring Bonnie/Springtrap and Fredbear/Golden Freddy. IE: FNAF 4 suit is Springtrap but the one from Stage 01 is Spring Bonnie. This could be oversight, but... I don't think it is. I'm sure most of the fandom does ASSUME this anyway, but I felt it was worth noting. (In my fic, they are the same suit, but the second sets are upgraded after the original failures).

The poster behind Scraptrap. Nothing really interesting here, but there is an image of a building with two gargoyle (lion?) statues behind him. Presumably this would be a police station or Fazbear Fright. I just thought it was cool since I never noticed this in the image. My initial thought was this might be a reference to the hospital in Man in 1280, but that’s a stretch.

Jr's. This is the random building in Midnight Motorist in which Green Man says "gtfo" to our Mustard Man. I should mention I feel that is good evidence to it being William or Henry, depending what the building is. We can 100% say it is NOT a bar (in my fic, that's what I used, even though it doesn't make sense. I don't see a drunk person driving to a second bar so close to their home when they could have gone there initially, BUT then I am a home-drinker when I do drink, so I don't know the night life). The Files refer to it as simply "a restaraunt". Whether this IS a FNAF location (also referred to as restaraunts) or just some random eatery, it's something to contemplate. I am in the camp that it isn't FNAF 2, at least.

I have some other things from Fazbear Frights' Blackbird I wanna discuss, too, but I'll wait until the book is out to help you all avoid spoilers.

Now, this is all just my thoughts on it. Please don't take anything too seriously (as Scott says don't rack your brain on this, it's not worth it). I just think these are some points that haven't been discussed before.

Also, if you wanna read my theory on why Scraptrap is partly the Golden Freddy suit, I have that theory here.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk? <-- is that a dated reference? Probably.

#fnaf theory #fnaf theories #midnight motorist #updated freddy files #the freddy files #fan theory #fan theories #five nights at freddy's

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ladyhistorypod · 3 years

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Episode 18: Three’s Company, Four’s Divine

Sources

Ishtar

Open Richly Annotated Cuneiform Corpus: Mesopotamia Timeline

Open Richly Annotated Cuneiform Corpus: Inanna/Ishtar

Electronic Text Corpus of Sumerian Literature: Inanna and Enki

Electronic Text Corpus of Sumerian Literature: Inana's Descent to the Netherworld

Cuneiform Digital Library Initiative: Composite Text of Akkadian Descent of Ištar

Journal of Near Eastern Studies

CONSTRUCTING THE IMAGE OF ASSINNU BY MARTTI NISSINEN SAANA SVÄRD

Further Learning: Electronic Text Corpus of Sumerian Literature: Epic of Gilgamesh, Epic of Gilgamesh: Standard Babylonian Version

Nüwa

Oxford Reference

Mythopedia

Google Arts & Culture

Further Learning: Remarks by Ambassador Cheng Jingye

Danu & Tuatha Dé Danann

The Goddess Danu (YouTube)

Danu - Irish Goddess (YouTube)

Ancient History of Ireland, Tuatha De Danaan, Scythians, and Phoenicians (YouTube)

Celtic Mythology - An Introduction to the Tuatha De Danann (YouTube)

Further learning: House Shadow Drake - Don and Dana, Celtic Myth and Legend, Poetry and Romance, The Sacred Isle: Belief and Religion in Pre-Christian Ireland, Life Understood from a Scientific and Religious Point of View, The History of Ireland

Persephone

Hesiod’s Theogony

Homer’s Hymn to Demeter

Madeline Miller

Further Learning: Lore Olympus (webcomic), Punderworld (webcomic)

Attributions: A Ghrà by Damiano Baldon

Click below for a transcript of this episode!

Haley: Which goddess is three point three seven feet tall? Kelsie: Three point three seven? Haley: Yes. Alana: Do– do you want us to say? Do you want to say? Lexi: These jokes are just a quiz for Kelsie. Haley: I have to have multiple jokes? I'm not ready. Alana: I have one it’s fine. Haley: Okay well it's Demeter. Alana: And you know you should also you know in in in COVID times, in COVID times you should be standing Demeters apart. Lexi: Oh. My. Lord Jesus. Oh my god. I should say oh my lord Ashera [Ash-er-a]. Kelsie: There you go. Alana: Oh, that's very funny. Haley: I love when Alana’s– Alana: Ashera [Ash-ay-ra], actually please. Lexi: Yeah, right. I knew as soon as I said it I said it wrong. Haley: Every couple of episodes Alana will… like Lexi and I will say something, and Alana will be like “oh that's like really funny” in this tone and like… I’m always funny. Don’t be surprised. I don't need this from you. Kelsie: Actually Haley, you're quite hilarious. Haley: Thank you. Lexi: Wait, but how does that tie into social media? Haley: I didn't get to the question yet. The question is because for… well my dad doesn't listen to my podcast, but for my dad is the worst person to get Christmas or birthday presents and his birthday is January 2, so like hop skip and a jump right after Christmas. But he loves board games, and his favorite board game is Codenames, so I have printed out over two hundred photos– like family photos– of the like stupidest photos in the world. And I'm laminating everything so it could be his own Codenames pictures, replacing all of it. Kelsie: That’s good. Haley: And my question is, is there a photo from your childhood where you're like what am I doing but you have that second jolt of like no this actually makes complete sense when you're realizing like what you're doing in the photo? For me it was crouching down in like the seventh grade next to a kangaroo, waking up a kangaroo, and then immediately after getting punched. I also had bangs but it was Australia and humidity or whatever climate that just didn't work with my curly hair. Lexi: So that was a set up so I could say that the picture of me digging up a dinosaur… Which, famously on this podcast I get mad when people think archaeologists dig up dinosaurs. Kelsie: As you should. Lexi: But yes, there is a picture of me, five years old, digging up a dinosaur. Not a real one. I don't think they’d let four year olds do that. Haley: But the best part is the goggles! Lexi: I have goggles on to protect me from the dirt. Kelsie: That’s important. You don’t want to get schmutz in your eyes. Lexi: But I’ve never been on a dig where I wore goggles. Kelsie: Maybe you should. Maybe you should wear goggles next season. Lexi: You know how much acne I’d get around my face if I wore goggles in the heat of Israel? Alana: Yeah, right? Kelsie: Who cares? Alana: No, go to Ireland! [INTRO MUSIC] Alana: Hello and welcome to Lady History; the good, the bad, and the ugly lady you missed in history class. We're back recording new episodes, so here is Lexi. Lexi, what would you be the goddess of? Lexi: Cross stitching and tricycles. Alana: Do you want to elaborate or just leave it at that? Lexi: Well right now I am cross stitching and it's what I do with my hands when I'm talking because I have mental problems and the only way I can focus on something is to do something else mindless. And the tricycle is because I have an adult tricycle and an anecdote my dad took that tries to go into the bike repair shop to get the brake fixed and he was too embarrassed to say it was his daughter’s so he said his wife bought it for his mother in law. Alana: And I really like that question so I'm also gonna ask Haley. Haley, what would you be the goddess of? Haley: I think I would be the goddess of eggs, just because I would control them and like not take it in because like I don't wanna be the goddess of something like I destroy, so like… Alana: For the irony. Haley: The irony. Eggs. Alana: And it's our third ever guest, Kelsie! Kelsie, tell the listeners a skosh about yourself. Kelsie: Hi everybody I'm Kelsie Ehalt. I am a Master’s student at Brandeis right now and I'm going to go and list the department I'm in. It's just a lot of words, so get ready. But I'm in the joint program in Near Eastern and Judaic Studies and Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies, those are two different departments, but they both have ‘ands’ which makes things confusing. But basically I study ancient history via texts right now. I do archaeology as well but right now since digging’s not really a thing because we shouldn’t travel because of the pandemic, I'm really focusing on languages for my Masters. And then I also incorporate the gender studies side of things into the equation, so I'm just looking at how gender functions in the ancient world and thinking about it from a not straight white man perspective, basically, because that's basically all that’s been published. And there’s some better scholarship coming out now, but there's still some work to be done so I'm doing what I can there. Alana: We do love all of that. And I'm Alana and I tried to start an all goddess religion when I was like eight. (Haley laughing) Alana: Me and my friend Kay who is one of my like oldest friends in the whole world, they're gonna get a shout out a little bit later as well because they sort of helped me in my research. We like tried to start up polytheistic all goddess religion when we were like eight. We like had a list of goddesses that we wanted to name and we like created little rituals. A great time to be had. Kelsie: Everyone should have just a religion creation phase I think. Alana: Absolutely. We called it Selenism because the main goddess was Selene. Haley is shaking her head at me and it's making me feel… ways. Haley: I love it but also like… Lexi: I feel like I was like writing fan fiction before I knew it was fan fiction, while you simultaneously were making a religion. Haley: Like I'm not surprised that either of this happened. Not surprised at all. Alana: It's a true story, it's a fun story. We kept a lot of ash in bottles… related to this religion that we were making up. Kelsie: Where did you get ash from when you were like… Haley: Yeah, that’s the… Alana: I don't think we still have it, but like we had it for a while. Lexi: No no no, where did you acquire it? Kelsie: What were you burning? Alana: Oh. From like. I don't remember. Haley: No that's a body. Alana: I think we just like burned paper or something and collected the ash. Kelsie: Oh, that’s not exciting. Alana: We played with a lot of fire when I was… Kay and I… we played with a lot of fire. Haley: Yeah! Yes! Yes. Lexi: I don’t know what to say. Haley: No, playing with fire… Wait, were you a Girl Scout too? Alana: No, I was a Daisy for half an hour and then they wanted me to do all this like stupid weird shit like say my own name in a group of people so that was a no no for baby Alana. Alana said no no to being a Daisy. Kelsie: Alright so I'm going to talk about my girl Ishtar today. So Ishtar is the Akkadian name for the goddess of love and war but the Sumerian version of her name is Inanna so I might switch back and forth between Ishtar and Inanna but know that by the later period they're the same person. There's some debate about whether Ishtar was a separate goddess who became then sort of like coagulated in with this earlier Inanna, or if Ishtar is just like a direct connection to Inanna, there's a debate about this, it’s not quite clear. So I’ll probably refer to her as Ishtar. If I mess up and instead of Inanna it’s because I work with the later period stuff so I don't really see Inanna too much. But anyway so Ishtar, Inanna is the Mesopotamian goddess of love and war. And she's depicted in all kinds of different texts, but obviously we have the most interesting sort of goddess information about her from the mythological texts, but she also shows up in legal texts because they're just invoking her to you know validate decisions, things like that. And people in this period, well in Mesopotamia across all periods of history, have personal gods so she’s invoked in sort of just letters too if they're just like “hey bud I'm sending you this thing, you know, good luck, thanks Ishtar or Inanna.” like whatever, she's brought up a lot. But for today I'm gonna focus on a few of the mythological texts because I think that's where we get the most interesting information about who she is as a character in the Mesopotamian religion. So the biggest story, or the story where she has the biggest role, is– the title’s translated, there's not really a title, they don't always title these tablets. But it's translated as the Descent of Inanna or Ishtar into the Netherworld. So I'm gonna give you a little summary of what goes on in that story which is… it's a fun one. I actually– this is one of the first things I– the actual– first actual texts I worked on translating in Akkadian, not just working out of the exercise the book but actually working with text. So I'm gonna tell you the Sumerian version a slightly longer, and there are more details, so I'm gonna tell you that version, and then I can tell you how the later Akkadian versions differ later. So here, Inanna–because this is Sumerian– she's deciding to go down to the netherworld. It's kind of conceived as like a cavern type thing underground so I guess I should go over Mesopotamian cosmogony first so we have Earth here which is where you know humans and mortals lived, and above that is the heavens, which is pretty standard for what modern Abrahamic traditions follow as well. But then beneath the Earth, we have the netherworld or underworld. In Sumerian it’s kur, in Akkadian it's kurnigi… I'll just call it the netherworld. And then between the netherworld and the Earth we have the Apsu, which is sort of this underground water where things happened too, and that's where Enki lives. And that's also– that plays a role in the creation story of Enuma Elish where Tiamat, one of the primordial goddesses who's the goddess of fresh water...? Either freshwater or saltwater I’m forgetting. She mixes with Apsu which is either freshwater or saltwater, whichever one she's not, and they create the other gods from there. So the Apsu is really important because it's sort of the origin point of all of the gods within Mesopotamian… the Mesopotamian pantheon. It's also where Enki lives, and he's one of the head gods too and we'll talk about him some more in the story because he plays a role. Okay so in the Descent of Inanna… so she's going down to the underworld to visit her sister Ereshkigal, who is the goddess of the underworld. I'm forgetting what her name is in Sumerian, it might be still Ereshkigal. But she’s going down to visit Ereshkigal because her husband– Ereshkigal’s husband has died, so Inanna wants to go to his funeral. And before she goes down, she tells her assistant– it's translated as minister in the versions that I looked at– her minister whose name is Ninshubur– I'm not sure about the length of the vowels there, but Ninshubur is Inanna’s like assistant, I'm imagining like a PA. And so Inanna is like “okay Ninshubur, like I'm going down, it's kind of dangerous to go, people don't really go down to the netherworld, so if I'm not back in three days go ask these gods for help.” and she gives a list of gods. First is Enlil, and then Urim, Nanna, and Enki. That's important later because she gives a list of four and it's important that she gives a list of four because the first three don't help her, but we'll get to that in a minute. So Ninshubur is like “okay, great, have a good visit to the netherworld,” and off Inanna goes. So Inanna goes down, she’s stopped by the gatekeeper… and the gatekeeper says “hold up, what are you doing here and why are you here?” And so Inanna says “I'm visiting my sister because her husband died and I want to go to the funeral” and he's like “okay let me go ask her.” So he goes and asks Ereshkigal if it’s okay and Ereshkigal is concerned because before Inanna went down, she got these powers. And the powers are manifest in physical objects. So she gets a ring that has some sort of special power, and this lapis lazuli necklace that has a power, and there are seven other– seven total things, so five other things that have powers. And so Ereshkigal knows that Inanna brought these and she's concerned about them because there's a sort of not trusting dynamic between them even though they are sisters. So Inanna’s like okay you can let her in but close all seven gates and only open one at a time to let her in, and each gate take one of her things. So she goes through it's the same sort of structure throughout, in the Sumerian. And she goes to one gate, they take her ring. She goes to the second gate, they take her hat or whatever. And it goes on for seven gates. And then she gets to the last gate, they let her in, and basically it was a trap. Speaker 0: They… it's kind of confusing. The Sumerian is not really clear on what exactly happens. But I've sent Alana the link to the translation that I looked at, and so you can read it too if you want to see– Alana: That will be in our show notes at ladyhistorypod dot tumblr dot com. Kelsie: Yeah. So I used the version that the… the Electronic Corpus of Sumerian Literature version which is trans– it's sort of a… It's a compilation of some different translations but it's a pretty standard not too fluffy interpretive translation, so I thought it was pretty good. But basically… so she gets the last gate and then they start yelling at Inanna and then she turns into a corpse and they put her on a hook. I'm not exactly sure what the process of these things are, but I’m imagining they're yelling at her and she just sort of like desicates and like dries up and they like put her on a hook. The motivation isn't super clear, I think, and some of the tablet is broken, so there… we might be missing some of the context, of course. And you know, of course, something important happens in a break, that's always the case, it’s never something boring. So maybe there’s some sort of other story, and maybe it's orally transmitted, detailing the drama between Ereshkigal and Inanna. Maybe there's a more specific reason why Ereshkigal does not trust Inanna and therefore wants to take her powers and then trick her to stay in the netherworld. Anyway, so Inanna's dried up, on a hook, and then three days passed and so Ninshubur, you know, being the loyal personal assistant, realizes three days have passed and Inanna’s not back, so she's like “oh shit, I better go get help.” So she goes to the first person that Inanna told her to ask for help from, Enlil. Enlil says “no, I’m not helping.” And then Ninshubur goes to Urim, Urim says “no I'm not helping.” And then Ninshubur goes to Nanna, and Nanna says “no, I’m not helping.” And finally she goes to Enki, who in some versions of myths is Inanna’s father. And in this version he… the wording is that he is her father, but we have to be careful with the wording about like familial relations in Near Eastern text because sometimes they’re just using them to describe power dynamics, not actual biological relations. So even though Enki here is you know referring to Inanna as his daughter, it might just be a power dynamic thing rather than a biological relation. That's not super clear, but in other versions of the story he’s also depicted as her father so I think that's fair enough to go for the narrative. But anyway, he’s like “okay fine I'll help, what is Inanna doing?” And so Ninshubur explains that she went down to the netherworld and is stuck. So Enki's like “okay I have a plan.” So he makes these two figures and these are gonna come up later because these figures are what I'm doing my thesis on. He takes dirt from his fingernail and he makes a kurgarru and in the Sumerian it’s galutera. In later Akkadian is just galu. But these two figures– and I’ll explain a little bit more later when I talk about what I'm doing for my thesis– there are some interesting gender performance things going on with these figures. But right now I’ll just leave them as helpers that Enki makes from dirt from under his fingernail. And he gives one of them a plant and he gives one of them water, and he’s like “okay, go down to the netherworld, and give… you're gonna see a corpse, and it's gonna be confusing, but that corpse is your queen.” So I love that saying, because he's like “you’re gonna see this dead body” so he knows what happened already, which I don't understand how that happened. But he's like “you're gonna see this corpse, give her the water, give her the food, and you'll be okay.” They go down, they give Inanna the water and the plant, and she– I assume like somehow revives. And I’m imagining like a sponge, like they put the water on her and like I said before, like I’m imagining like the yelling like desiccated her, so there was sort of like… like soaking up the water. And so okay… she's like “okay I'm fine now.” So they start to leave, and these two demons stop them, the group of three who are leaving, so there’s five of them now. And they say “well, no one ever leaves the netherworld, so you need to send someone to replace you.” And she's like “okay, who do you want” and they're like “we want your assistant” and she's like “no she's too loyal” and then they're like “we want your manicurist” and she's like “no she's too good” and then they're like “what about your husband” and Inanna’s like “okay sure, I guess.” There's some other stories about her husband Demuzi, that it was an arranged marriage too so Inanna is like not too keen on her husband. But so anyway, so the demons go to take Demuzi, and he's like “oh no, I don't want to go to the netherworld.” So he talks to his brother Utu, who lives in the heavens, and he's like “Utu, turn my limbs into snakes so I can escape the demons” and Utu is like “okay, that sounds like a good idea.” And so he turns his limbs into snakes, and he escapes the demons. And then the last part of the story is really fragmented, so I have no idea what's going on, but apparently Demuzi escapes, and then some other things happen, and then Inanna talks to a fly… like a bug, a fly, who says “I know where your husband is, we can go find him.” And then apparently the fly helps her– it's broken so it's hard to know and then the story ends somewhere there. But that's the short, sort of humorous version of the Sumerian version of the descent of Ishtar, or Inanna, rather. And then the Akkadian version is a lot shorter, it leaves out a lot of the details of… it doesn't have the story afterward, after they leave the netherworld and the demons are trying to take someone back to replace Inanna, the Akkadian version doesn't have that. One of the notable things but the Akkadian version, I think, and this sort of links into my master's thesis, which I’ll get to in a second, is that when Ishtar, in this case since we're talking about the Akkadian, is stuck in the netherworld, there's a whole series of lines repeated twice or three times where it's like all of the animals and humans aren't having sex anymore. And things are bad. And so that's how they know that something's wrong with Ishtar, instead of the assistant sending people down to help, other people realize that something's wrong, which I think is interesting. And then, you know, then she gets back and it's okay. But yeah. So, to talk about my thesis a little bit. So I'm focusing on a couple different figures in the cult of Ishtar, the main ones I'm focusing on is the assinnu. The assinnu is the syllabic spelling of it in Akkadianin but there's also a logogram which in Sumerian is sagg or sag. That one you see sometimes the other one is urmunis which is literally man-woman. Haley: Fun fact, sag in Farsi is dog. Kelsie: Oh, really? Haley: Yeah. Kelsie: In Sumerian it’s head or like top. Haley: Oh that's fun. I was ready for you to be like wolf. Kelsie: No, it's the same as the Arabic it's kelb, kelbum in Akkadian. Anyway, so I think there's definitely something going on interesting gender-wise with these figures, and so actually I first came up with this topic because I was reading the descent of Ishtar in Akkadian, not the Sumerian version. But my first semester of Akkadian, and my professor was a PhD student and we got to a part where– the part where in the Akkadian version, Ea instead of Enki makes an assinnu. And it's the word assinnu in the Akkadian version, but it’s kurgarru and galla in the Sumerian version, but these are all kind of related. I'm throwing words out, I’ll explain the difference– and also the difference isn't super clear, so if you’re confused between them, everyone is. There's not a clear distinction between these roles that we found in the textual evidence so far. But I was like “okay what's an assinnu” because I never heard that word before, that's not a common word in Akkadian and he’s like “oh, it's like a third gender person” and like that raised red flags in my gender studies brain, I'm like okay like whenever you categorize something as third gender without any other discussion there's something interesting going on there. So I started reading some more about what people had written about the assinnu and it turned out to be pretty gross because as we all know being archaeology students and students of the ancient world, it's all white straight man… cis straight men writing about basically everything and so that's the case with gender as well, unfortunately. And so in all these different translations of texts, the assinnu are translated from everything as like cultic prostitute, to eunuch, to impersonator– all these gross words that I think… one, just really limit the conversation that you could have about gender in these figures because you're placing so many modern assumptions on them just with the single word that you're using, and two, especially words like eunuch and cultic prostitute like there's no textual evidence to support these interpretations anyway. So it's all this secondary scholarly interpretation being placed on these figures where you know there's not many textual instances of them, so it's hard to say what exactly is going on but there's not specific evidence for castration or prostitution. For my thesis I’m basically going through and writing about how the word assinnu and kurgarru and galu and kalu have been translated by scholars, and then going back and seeing like what can we figure out in terms of their gender performance from the actual textual evidence that we have, as opposed to just going to these simplistic, interpretive labels. And my proposition, too, at the end is to not translate words like that because any translation that we have is going to simplify the role of these figures and I think just leaving it in the Akkadian leaves more room open for describing the things that they did and leaving it open because we don't know a lot about them, and just leaving that sort of gray area there instead of just labeling them one thing or another. But yeah so that's what I'm working on for my thesis, and all of these figures are associated with Ishtar specifically. And I think there is something interesting there because of Ishtar’s liminality herself because she's the goddess of love and war and those are two kind of opposite things. And her own gender performance is kind of somewhere in between this binary because sometimes she's portrayed in cylinder seals and things with a beard, and her animal is a male lion, or a lion with a mane, at least. I mean there are female lions with manes too. So I think Ishtar herself has some interesting gender things going on, so it makes total sense that her cultic functionaries, her cultic personnel, also had some interesting gender things going on too. So I'm just trying to figure out what exactly we can say about what's going on within her temple. There’s not a lot of evidence, but just trying to figure out what's going on. Lexi: I love it. I love your thesis. Haley: My mind is blown. Lexi: I really struggled to settle on a lady for this episode because I wanted to do something interesting but I didn’t want my lady to be from the same region as like another lady that was already being covered by one of you in this episode and that's– the regions you are familiar with are the regions I am familiar with because we had the same professors. So I had to branch out of my comfort zone and explore a person I had never explored– well, a god I never explored because this is goddesses. So I did what any sensible person would do and I reached out to my sister– sorority sister, for everyone who's been following along. And I would like to thank my sister Amber for suggesting this lady. It was a very good suggestion. So I'm talking today about Nüwa. Clarification, as always, I do not speak Chinese, so that's the best that it’s going to get but it's probably not totally correct but do with that what you will. I speak Korean, not Chinese. Alana: Have I been Jewish yet? Have we said Sprinklebear McPuss-n-Boots yet? We got to get all three. Lexi: You got them in. We got them in. Nüwa is the mother goddess of traditional Chinese mythology, so you know we know of a lot of other mythologies from other parts of the world and there often is a mother figure… you know, a matriarch among the deities if you know what I mean. So she's that but in China. And her name is made up of two characters, nu which means woman and wa which is a unique character that is only a part of her name, so that's how it distinguishes her from women in general, it's Nu-Wa. And she is the sister and wife of emperor god Fuxi. And Fuxi is the god who created hunting and cooking, which is a fun combo like hunt then cook? Not vegan, but very relevant to each other. She is often depicted as a serpent, and it's her body is the figure of a serpent and she has a woman's head. And she is capable of shape shifting into anything she wants so she can change how she appears. And let me just say she looks really dope, like what a vibe, check out our Instagram, I’ll put up a picture there, or Google her, but I'm obsessed with the different looks that she has. In some depictions she's just drawn as a woman in traditional Chinese dress, which is hanfu and that's slightly less cool but like chill. And in the traditional Chinese creation story Nüwa created humankind from the earth. And we see this in a lot of creation myths. If you know of creation myths from around the world, a lot of times like the physical earth or clay or dirt is related to the creation of humankind. So the story goes that one day she was walking through the woods and she found the woods to be so beautiful that she was sad that she couldn't share the beauty with others. She wanted someone else to enjoy the beauty of the earth. So she decided to create humans from the clay around the river. So she stopped at the riverbank, she picked up the clay, and she's like “I can make humans out of this.” And it is said that she made the aristocracy, like the aristocratic class from yellow clay from the riverbank, and the lower classes were made from mud. And so Nüwa made the upper classes with her hands, she molded them, but her hands got tired and so she picked up a rope and she dipped in the mud, swung it around over her head, and the mud that dropped off became the lower classes. So there is a class distinction in this story, I assume it was at one point in history perpetuated by the upper classes to justify like the class divide in their society but that's how the story goes. And there are several versions that story with varying details so if you are curious to go explore it there are texts about her written in Chinese and Vietnamese and a couple other Asian languages, so if you speak any of those and want to go read it, feel free. But that's the general basic… things that seem to be true in every version of the story. She is credited with defeating the evil water god who is depicted as a black dragon and is named Gonggong, which… I love that name too, like I love the double syllable situation. It's like you could call a pet that, but I guess not since he's an evil water god, maybe it's not good luck to name your pet after him. And Gonggong he’d ripped a hole in the sky when he was battling another god– it was the fire god, so the water and fire god were like [fighting noises] you know? That was not good podcast audio, but they were going at it, him and the fire god. Alana: How am I supposed to transcribe that? Lexi: Ahhh noise! Kelsie: Throw in some vowels and some Hs. Lexi: They were going at it. And they were fighting. And Gonggong ripped down one of the pillars, which is a mountain. He ripped it down, and the sky got a big hole in it. This is a big problem because the sky protected the people from like crazy weather phenomena, so like rain, tsunami, crazy kind of like… crazy crap was happening in the sky. And so she repaired the hole and saved the humans because she loved them because they were her creation, and versions of the story also differ, with one suggesting that she died of exhaustion because she was so tired because she had like held up the sky and put it back together. But she saved humankind, so it was like her last great feat. And another version suggests that she could not repair the sky with just the material she had, so she herself became stone and put the sky back together. So there’s either the version of her dying of exhaustion or her actually becoming the material to repair the sky. Either way, this is her final story so she sacrifices herself to save humankind from Gonggong's mistake. Kelsie: Wait, so with the second version where she is repairing the sky herself is there like an astrological sort of connection to her then? Is there like a constellation representing her? Lexi: That's a good question. No source I read specifically dictated that. Particularly I think because she tends to be associated with the day, but I am unsure. There might be a constellation related to her. She's technically the goddess of marriage and fertility. Chinese religion has really changed over time, but despite that, Nüwa has remained an important figure to many people in China. There are many temples and shrines that are dedicated to her and preserved in her honor, including one that is seen as the ancestral shrine of all humanity, so she's very central in like the identity structure of China. And some women in China today pray to Nüwa for assistance in issues of fertility or marriage, so like if you want a husband you're supposed to go and be like “Nüwa! Give me a man!” and if you want to have a baby, you're supposed to go to Nüwa and be like “Nüwa! Birth me a son!” and so on and so forth. In addition to her role in religion, she also features prominently in pop culture in China and other parts of Asia. She has been a character in three video games, so you can go play Nüwa. I don't know exactly how these video games work, I have not played them. But if that's your jam, Google it. And in numerous television shows and films, there's films that depict all the different stories surrounding her and other deities so she factors into those stories too, and there have been film adaptations specifically of the sky fixing story. And on Earth Day in 2012, a statue of Nüwa created by a Chinese professor was revealed in Time Square as a representation of the importance of protecting the ozone layer because the theme of that year's Earth Day was the ozone layer. And so the ozone layer protects humans and is similar to the sky and Nüwa in her stories… so the statue is of her holding up a piece of the sky… Nüwa holding a piece of the sky… and she's holding that up and that represents the ozone layer and the fact that we need to keep the ozone layer safe, so as you would give to Nüwa and worship Nüwa you should worship and protect the ozone layer… so on and so forth. Very very cool. And the statue was later moved to Vienna and I've included in the further reading the transcript of the speech that was given when the statue was installed in Vienna which is now where it lives forever, so it's really interesting if you're into that kind of thing. And also I will include a link to the Google Arts and Culture page that describes the statue and you can learn more about the statue and what it's made of if you like that kind of thing and what it looks like. Haley: I was having like a mental identity crisis with who I was gonna pick, and I was on TikTok, of course, scrolling through like just for inspiration. And I came on for my like For You Page. I think that's what it's called, the youths call it, a fun story about Danu and Tuatha Dé Danann. I really… Okay, so this is Irish mythology that we're doing a deep dive into, and I asked Robert how to pronounce these, and of course I forgot. So in Irish mythology, Danu, meaning the flowing one or the divine one who brings all things into being, is associated with both masculine and feminine things which is like right on. However, every time I pick– like, I couldn't decipher like, discern whether she was representation– like if you looked at her while she had her pronouns, or assuming from scholars now she/her pronouns, if she would represent both masculine and feminine or if she is just associated with because she's the divine one who brings all things into being. Because when you look at her it's– I put a lot in the further reading but I used a lot of YouTube videos of the people who are like kinda amateur experts in this… certainly not myself. And a lot of the representation that they put up were very feminine goddess like. Like very nature-esque, flowing long hair, flowing skirts and dresses, or sometimes like a warrior but really like honing in on that feminine side. And that's just my tangent. So she is also like the earth goddess of fertility and growth, abundance, agriculture, as well as intellect, change, and wisdom– and a whole host of others. She just does it all, apparently. She's also like the hypothetical mother goddess of the Tuatha Dé Danann which is what I'm also going to talk about. But before that, because this group of people, the Tuatha Dé Danann, which is Old Irish for the people of the goddess of Danu and the anai– the A. N. A. I. within the name means wealth and that's kind of strange because this… when I'm reading Danu is D. A. N. U. and that’s not found in any like medieval Irish text which was kind of like a point in time where people were like okay it's not in this period and afterwards type of situation. That goes for a lot of her myths and legends. And if you let me nerd out for a sec, let's go into some etymology of the name Danu. Scholars believe that the name Danu is the nominative form and the genitive form is Danann, spelled as like D. A. N. A. N. N. or D. O. N. A. N. D. or D. A. N. A. N. D., which is seen in the primary sources, that’s also how the name Tuatha Dé Danann is spelled. It's the D. A. N. A. N. N., the genitive form of Danu. Again, with these people, they are the people of the goddess of Danu. And this is the story that I'm actually gonna focus on because spoiler it's great and it's also one of the most well known sources, just if you like do a Google search this is the one that keeps popping up with her. And it's about how… basically Ireland was kind of populated. So opening our book to a short story, while there are a bunch of little stories like within this one story, I'm kind of like lumping it all up. And in Irish mythology Tuatha Dé Danann were the first people or tribe in Ireland. Since they're supernatural and they're not necessarily human but they are human, the way they arrived to Ireland was like via dark clouds and mist which also gets strange because they landed on Connacht. Am I saying that right, Alana? Alana: Connacht. Haley: Connacht. Alana: C. O. N. N. A. C. H. T.? Haley: Yes! Yes ma’am. Alana: Connacht. Yeah Haley: Which is on the west side of Ireland. And this is where– Alana: It's– throwback to episode two, that is around where Gráinne Ní Máille was born and lived and did her pirate-y thing. Haley: Exactly. So this is like why it gets weird, why I say it's like they arrived via dark clouds and mist because they also had boats. So when I was first reading this, I was expecting like people coming out of like dark mist and clouds because clouds are in the sky! But I think now like boats come along with it, so there might be spaceship boats or like water boats. But– Alana: Like in Treasure Planet. Haley: Exactly! That’s what I was thinking. Lexi: Ancient Aliens? The aliens brought boats down and created the Irish people? Haley: NO. Alana: No no no no. Treasure Planet. Treasure Planet is the analogy that we are going with, Treasure Planet. Haley: Yes. And when they arrived, they supposedly burned the boats, hence forcing them to settle in the land they like docked. Which made little to no sense-tentacles, because you literally like, again, rode in like a cloud of mist. And also I want to know when they settled, and they were like “okay, we have food, water, shelter. Let's burn them boats.” And that's fine, that's a great tradition, I'm not like saying for the tradition. But what if, like, if it was immediate, how did you know that was like a suitable habitat? Because like wouldn't you say “oh, we don't have like one of the three basic needs, four, five basic needs that we need, let's get back on our boats and travel around.” These are also supernatural beings and I'm just overanalyzing mythology. That's what I do. Also once they were settled, so like post-burning boats, I guess… It was said that they stayed there for centuries. And for the archaeologists and all of us here part of the myth that is the ring forts, are also called like the fairy forts… Alana is making a face. And that's because that– Alana: I dug a ring fort! Haley: Connection to you and Susan. Probably Susan, why I know this story. So– Alana: This is the Susan Johnston appreciation episode part two. Haley: I actually have a book that she gave me right next to me on my desk, I have with my library background. Anywho, the fairy forts are like often called fairy forts because the Tuatha Dé Danann used them as portals to another like world. And side note, if a human were to happen across the portal they would be forced to dance until they went mad. Honestly, that’s just like… I read that and it was also kind of like– Lexi: What a way to go. Haley: Exactly. Kelsie: It wouldn't take very long for me, like you know twenty minutes I'm gone. Haley: I know! I was like I can dance through like one album of ABBA but like if we get into an album of the Beatles I might like cease to exist. Alana: (Gagging noise) I hate the Beatles. Famously I hate the Beatles. Haley: Rude. And then she is on a podcast with like one of the best Beatles lovers ever. Lexi, right there and then I’m like a– Alana: I hate the Beatles. I think they're overrated. I think it's just like mediocre white men getting more credit than they deserve. Lexi: Well, Sergeant Pepper takes your note and kindly throws it out.The bird. Haley: He took a nice poop on it. Alana: That's fine. Whatever. Haley: Okay so back to my story, because it’s about me right now. We all went mad. And then lastly, this is my last note, so when the Celts invaded, the legend goes that they all turned themselves into fairies, hence, fairy forts! And then they keep watch over the land. That's them. That's Danu. Kelsie: What's the– I don't know if you know this, and maybe I… maybe there’s not an answer, but what's the significance of… between fairies and circles around things? Like when I think of like– like I know about ring forts, I didn't realize there was a connection to fairy forts. But then like winding up like fairies and circles like… Haley: Yeah. Kelsie: Mushrooms, like that’s also a circle-y thing on the ground. Is that a bigger thing? Haley: So, the circle is like the portal, and the reason why it's called fairies is that the legend says they turned into fairies. So it's like fairy forts, that’s their fort. Kelsie: That makes sense. Haley: That's the most I can tell you. I'm sure there's more. There are a lot of YouTubers out there. Lexi: Also, circles is magic. Alana: I'm talking about Persephone the Greek theological figure, ancient Greek. I identify with her very strongly because I also contain multitudes. There is a poem by Nichole McElhaney who is the author of A Sisterhood of Thorns and Vengeance, a book that apparently just like does not exist, because I cannot find it in print anywhere. But the poem goes “Do not worry about your contradictions - Persephone is both floral maiden and queen of death. You, too, can be both.” And I love that. But apparently like the book doesn't exist Nichole McElhaney has a couple of other poetry books with really interesting cool names similar to A Sisterhood of Thorns and Vengeance. She is also known as Proserpina in Rome, and also known as Kora or Kore, which means maiden. And she becomes Persephone when she is like queen of the underworld which we will get to… the stuff that you might know… because of the Percy Jackson series. So in Homer's Hymn to Demeter… Homer's Hymn to Demeter is kind of the primary source we have for the story of Persephone being taken to the underworld. Homer describes her as slim-ankled, which my friend Kay, shout out Kay, who I brought up earlier, we tried to make a religion together, they are an expert in classical literature and they said that that probably meant like a graceful or delicate or something along those lines. So the story is Hades saw her in a field, abducted her, and took her to the underworld and like made her his queen and something about pomegranate seeds, that he forced her only one in Homer’s hymn. It’s only like one seed. You hear it like three or six other places, but in Homer it's just one. Here's what you might not know about that myth, according to Homer. Hades had Zeus’s permission to do this, but not Demeter’s, who is Persephone’s mother. And Demeter goes searching all over like the whole world for Persephone, and everyone saw what happened– like the sun god saw what happened and was like yeah we're not gonna help you because like basically they said she could do a lot worse as far as a husband goes. She's like queen of the underworld right now. I think like that's a pretty good deal… you know Hades isn't going cheating on his wife like someone we know. Zeus. But according to Homer, one pomegranate seed meant three months in the underworld. Anyway Persephone– this is a really short story I'm sorry– Persephone. She is part of the agrarian triad which is a group of three agricultural slash harvest deities with Demeter and a god called Triptolemus. Kelsie: Lexi would call this an agricultural throuple. Alana: That's an excellent point. I don't think there is any evidence for that but I do like the idea of it being a throuple. So Persephone as queen of the underworld kind of gives a more pleasant face to the concept of death and the afterlife, so it kind of like helps Hades’s reputation and there's not as much stigma about it because yeah you're dying but look the goddess of spring is also queen of the underworld, so that's pretty cool. Now I'm going to cede the rest of my time to modern reinterpretations that are all written by women or some other marginalized group. The only one whose like gender I don't know is married to a man and cis straight men don't marry other men by definition, so this person is marginalized in some other way. I don't know if they know that, but it's really cool story. So first of all, Hadestown. Wow. Anais Mitchell. It's beautiful. It's jazzy. It's so much fun. It's Hades and Persephone but they've like fallen out of love after so long and also the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice is in there. I want a live recording of it– it's a Broadway show– I want a live recording of it the way that Hamilton has been. I think that is what we deserve. There is also a couple of webcomics, the first one is Punderworld, which has a very– why are you shaking your head Kelsie? Kelsie: It’s such a bad pun and it has pun in the word! Alana: It’s a bad pun and it has pun in the word. It's a very realistic art style, there are not a ton of episodes, one of them made the rounds on tumblr while ago if you were still there. And it takes place in a more realistic like ancient Greek Olympian kind of setting. Links to the webcomics by the way will be in further learning which is what I've been calling it lately because it's not always reading. The other one is called Lore Olympus. There are a lot of episodes of this one. It is more whimsical but also somehow grittier? Like all the characters are kind of color-coded. Athena has a very androgynous, ace, butch lesbian vibe like someone else in the Zoom right now. So it’s like Olympus is a modern city, but the mortal realm is still in ancient Greece. It's really cool, I was up until five AM last night reading it because I just like gave up and was like I just have to read this. Shout out to my friend Em who told me about those webcomics. Also Madeline Miller, who wrote Circe which was an incredible book and Song of Achilles which I haven't read yet, wrote a really cool piece about Persephone several years ago that basically ends with if Madeline Miller were Persephone we would always have winter because she loves pomegranates so much and that is a mood. Lexi: I love that you brought up Percy Jackson because it always bothers me but there are so many cool modern literary takes on a lot of these things but that's the one that had to get famous? Haley: I'm rereading and I finished the Percy Jackson series, forgot how much like I invested myself into it. I think I only read like the first book and like half of the second because I don't remember the third, fourth, fifth but I have the next series which is like… Alana: The Heroes of Olympus or something? And it’s the Roman? Haley: Maybe. I think that's the next one. Alana: I read the first four Percy Jackson books in a weekend, and I would have read the fifth one in a weekend but it was not out yet. Lexi: I was a fan of them as a child. Alana: I was in like fourth grade. Lexi: Yeah probably fourth grade. But my mom decided I was still a fan of them and for my twenty third birthday I asked for a single ticket to go see Hamilton by myself, but for the same price my mother bought four tickets to see Percy Jackson the Musical. Picture this– Haley: Wait, where was it first? Lexi: It was on Broadway. I mean a real Broadway– Haley: They had Broadway? Lexi: Yes. Picture a thirty two year old gay twink dancing around the stage pretending to be a twelve year old boy. Alana: That just sounds like the Percy Jackson Lightning Thief movie. Lexi: Yes. Alana: But with singing. Haley: To be fair Logan Lehrman because I– Alana: Oh, Logan Lehrman is incredible. Lexi: Also, I won't spoil the musical, the musical's gone now it doesn't run anymore, but in case they ever do another iteration and people want to see I won’t completely spoil it. But it is written where there's only a cast of eight people but all the characters are covered by those eight people, and so there are some weird interesting things where that really take you out of the story because like they have to do double duty as characters and all they do to change is like throw on a jacket. Haley: Is it just the first book? Lexi: Yes and no like how the movie was the first book, but like not. You know I mean? Haley: Yeah. Lexi: It's not a truthful direct adaptation. The songs were like “when your dad’s a god, your dad's a god. The one other thing I want to say about it is my brother and I had both for the books as kids and were like okay we'll go see this as like a family thing, whatever. During the intermission, a girl behind us who was probably maybe fourteen or fifteen would not shut up about Percy Jackson to her family and my brother leaned in and was like if we’d come here seven years ago that would have been you. And I mean probably. But to that team who put that on. Lexi: You can find this podcast on Twitter and Instagram at LadyHistoryPod. Our show notes and a transcript of this episode will be on ladyhistorypod dot tumblr dot com. If you like the show, leave us a review, or tell your friends, and if you don't like the show, keep it to yourself. Alana: Our logo is by Alexia Ibarra you can find her on Twitter and Instagram at LexiBDraws. Our theme music is by me, GarageBand, and Amelia Earhart. Lexi is doing the editing. You will not see us, and we will not see you, but you will hear us, next time, on Lady History. Haley: Next week on Lady History, she’s going to blind us with some science. We're doing a deep dive into the women of twentieth century science. Haley: We good. Alana: Amazing.

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noccalula-writes · 4 years

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What are your favorite games and franchises? Top 5?

OH BOY have I got feelings on this subject.

Please keep in mind - I’m a storyteller and a writer. I fucking /love/ a good story. I DM a DnD game and my biggest weakness is that I don’t often include enough combat because I am so much more interested in telling a story. So for me, there’s got to be an emotional investment for a game to really land. I also hyperfixate like a motherfucker so I often refuse to pick up new things purely because there’s not enough space in my head for them at the time, so I’m slow getting to things as they come out.

So, I’m first and foremost a survival horror bitch. I cut my teeth on Parasite Eve before I played any others - my mother scrimped and saved and fought her way through Wal-mart back in like 1998 to get me the original Playstation gaming console and Tekken 2 (which was my first PS game, I played it in an arcade near her barber shop as a child - Tomb Raider 2 was my second). The old Playstation discs at that time came with demos for different games, including Metal Gear Solid, which I replayed until I could have done it in my sleep because poverty meant I wasn’t likely to get another game anytime soon. I mention this because the Parasite Eve trailer used to give me nightmares but I was super, super hooked.

I am a huge Silent Hill fan. Huge. That is a tragedy I could write a whole ‘nother post about, because as excited as I am to finally get my hands on Death Stranding (again, poverty, so it’ll be another minute before we can get a PS4), we’ll never get another SH game again unless some major reconciliation happens with Kojima and Konami, which is unlikely (and also hard to hope for - I’m happy Kojima now has the creative freedom to go as balls to the wall as he wants).

I am an equally huge Resident Evil fan. I’ve always maintained that my first fandom was The X Files, but my wife pointed out a few nights ago that my RE love started around the same time in the late 90′s, so now it’s a chicken and egg kind of thing. Point being, it’s either The or One Of my longest lasting fandoms/interests. RE and Silent Hill get compared to one another a lot - RE7 did nothing to help that - but they really are apples and oranges to me. Fruit, sure, but two totally different tones and experiences.

I’ve been a huge Tomb Raider fan for forever - my first high school boyfriend was loaded and bought me Angel of Darkness to come play at his house and while it was def critically panned, I do recall enjoying it - so that’s been fun to get those games remade with updated graphics. I’ve only played the one but the others are def on The List.

So now that I’ve talked for an hour, my Top 5 fave games ever -

#1 - Resident Evil 3 I am beyond jazzed for this remake, and a lot of people in the 90′s complained about RE3′s lack of clear cut boss battles, but I don’t know what they’re talking about. The entire fucking game is a boss battle - Jill vs. Raccoon City, and of course, Nemesis, who used to give my mother nightmares and caused me to sleep with a leaf-stabber by my bed for years. Jill is far and away my favorite protagonist in RE; she’s got a resilience of the spirit that somehow isn’t conflated with naivety, which is uncommon in ‘nice’ female protags. She’s savvy but she’s still kind, and she’s committed as fuck to survival - not to mention, as zealotous a Chris and Jill shipper as I am, she and Carlos had hella chemistry and I’m excited to see where that goes (JD Pardo would have made a fuck of a Carlos Oliviera, btw). It was An Experience and it’s forever at my #1.

#2 - The Last of Us

There is no comparison for emotional weight in video games, as far as I’m concerned. SPOILERS if you don’t already know the ending (this game came out in what, 2014?) but to me one of the biggest thing in the game’s favor is that the protagonist made the wrong choice. He had an option to potentially eradicate the cordyceps fungus and maybe save the world, turn the tides back for humanity, and with the weight of the world in the balance, he chose to save Ellie instead. It was, on a global scale, the wrong choice - but it was the human choice. It was the thing that a dad who never properly grieved his dead daughter would do for the surrogate daughter he inherited by accident. As for Ellie, there is no other character quite like her in games, and she’s fucking quality LGBT representation, especially considering how little we see queer children in media. I still cry every time, we play this game twice a year like clockwork and every single time, I still cry.

#3 - Silent Hill 3

All of SH’s games will have a special place in my heart - and if you wanna talk shit about Downpour, I’ll meet you in the Denny’s parking lot at 11, you better square the fuck up because I will defend Murphy with fists - but 3 is the best, hands down. I felt like it did the best job of streamlining the series’ ... uhm... somewhat complicated lore into something more understandable. SPOILERS: The villains are horrific - the Missionaries strike fear into my heart every time I play, and Claudia eating a miscarried god fetus to become god herself? Fucked up on a level you rarely see. I suppose if you didn’t catch it in the last sentence - your protag Heather vomits up a fetal god late in the game. Yes, you read that right. The best thing about this game though? Heather. I could climb up my feminist soapbox and talk about Heather as a subversion to video game tropes all fucking day - she’s a nonsexualized teenage girl whose father is killed for her character development. She’s self-sufficient, tough but still vulnerable, and hard as nails in a fight. As I might have mentioned a time or six, she also voluntarily aborts a god because Fuck Your Plans, She’s Got Her Own.

#4 - Final Fantasy X

Listen. I don’t know how much of this is because of actually enjoying playing the game and how much of it is emotional attachment. As most of you who follow me know, my mother died when I was sixteen. When I was about fourteen, I dated a rich kid who used to bring his PS2 to our very not-rich house and play games for us to watch - the sort of neophyte version of Watching Guys Play Videogames, if you will, which is another rant for another time. He got a Gamecube specifically so I could play RE Zero and Hunter The Reckoning. He was a neckbeard but he was also desperate to keep me from ditching so he did the smart thing and plied my very poor ass with money and food. The #1 game in the watching roster, though, was FFX - and if you know anything about the game, you know how heavily spirituality features into the story. My mother, very caught up in a very Eastern Philosphy Meets Quantum Physics internal seeking about the nature of things, was hooked from the word Go. She used to sit and watch Trey play for hours - we all did, but having her join us and love it that much? Wonderful. Half my memories of this game are both of us crying - crying when Yuna dances to send the souls, crying when Yuna reveals she’s on a suicide mission, crying when she and Tidus fall in love anyway, crying when she sends her Aeons to die in the final fight, crying over ‘the fayts are waking up’, crying when the big reveal about Auron comes up, crying crying crying. My wife bought it in 2011 and I watched her play through it again and while it suffers from the same issue as all FF games - too much filler and weird battle scenarios - it was cathartic. I miss my mom.

#5 - Resident Evil 6

Eat my entire ass. You already knew this was coming. I will defend this game to my grave for the fact that we have complex, interesting narratives surrounding female characters who have actual personalities. Was it perfect? No. Did it take RE out of horror territory and move it more into action? Woefully, yes. Is this series deeply problematic for where it chooses to set down your mostly-white protags and have them kill their way through? Big time. Don’t gloss those facts. But it’s got emotional punch in spades and a few weird character breaks that ended up being kind of brilliant - Chris has been so resiliently relentless in his fight against bioterrorism that a major PTSD break was inevitable. Leon would of course risk life and limb to help Helena, even though she implicated herself in something terrible. The icing on the cake to me was a grown up Sherry Birkin, wide eyed and believing like hell in the fight she thought she was on the right side of and getting knocked down only to get back up. Ada’s entire side campaign was brilliant. I hate some of the control choices they made in this game - the running from the Haos scenes near the end of Chris and Piers’ campaign makes me want to eat my own fist - but so it goes with most RE games (until RE4, moving your protag was like driving a tank). Jake and Sherry are My Unsinkable Ship. There are at least six scenes across this game that never get easier to watch - when the bomb hits the city and the cut scene of the mass infections begin, I still get sick to my stomach - and that, to me, is the mark that this game struck a hell of a chord in terms of storytelling.

This was long.

#noccalula answers #this was fucking long #ask and ye shall receive #vidja games

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todonintendos · 7 years

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Top 5 Best and Worst Shrine Quests in Breath of the Wild

A few days ago I listed my favourite and least favourite shrines from Breath of the Wild, however I focused on what was inside of each shrine itself rather than what players must do in order to get to them, and this is where Shrine Quests become important. There are 42 of those in the game, and they’re missions that need to be completed in order to reach or unlock a shrine. For this list, I will be excluding all quests in which the shrine is already accessible before triggering the mission, as I’ve found a lot of those by just randomly exploring, so here it begins!

Also, spoiler alert, just sayin’ you may want to complete all of these quests by yourself before.

#5 (Best) - Shrouded Shrine

To kick off this list I could have picked any of the three mazes, but instead I went for that dark forest north of the Great Hyrule Forest because it’s more original and better designed than any of the three labyrinths. The gimmick is pretty much using whatever you find or is in your inventory to light up your way to the shrine in a completely dark forest. There are many treasures spread around, but nothing too interesting on the chests except a ruby. As you advance, you’ll begin to hear growls that become louder and louder, and when you get to the end the mystery unravels: someone at Nintendo decided it would be cool to put a Hinox right there, but you can just skip it and enter the shrine.

This shrine adds a sense of mystery and, why not, fear to the game, which you won’t see anywhere else in the vast wilderness of Hyrule, which is mainly why I like this quest.

#5 (Worst) - The Ceremonial Song

I know most of you actually don’t find this quest to be that bad, but it straight up confused me to the point I had to give up and come back way later in the game. The quest triggers when you talk to a Zora girl, and she sings a song containing all the clues you need to solve the quest. I was a bit early into the game so when I read “scale of light” I immediately thought of one of the three dragons, but which one? The question answered itself when I tried putting all three scales on the pedestal without success, only to find out later “scale” referred to the weapon, so I began looking for it when that old Zora told me he dropped it off a bridge... but what bridge? I looked under every bridge on the way to Zora’s Domain, didn’t find anything. He was actually talking about the “bridge” he was standing on, which I don’t even consider a bridge in the first place.

But this doesn’t end here, the final step was going to the pedestal and doing what the Mipha statue was doing. I don’t think I have to mention how much time it took me to figure out what she was actually doing and what I had to replicate... and that I had to do it from a certain height. As soon as I saw the shrine pop up... ugh... screw this quest.

#4 (Best) - Recital at Warbler’s Nest

Despite the urge to talk about how terribly cute the small Rito are, I’m gonna have to focus on the quest. It triggers when you talk to one of the five sisters at Warbler’s Nest. She will tell you that her four sisters met up to sing with her, but didn’t come, so you’ve got to look for them. All of the missing Rito are in Rito Village (shoutouts to the one sitting on the cliff that literally took me ages to find) and each of them will give you an ingredient, as the green bird won’t go sing unless you prepare her favourite meal: salmon meunière, which you do by mixing the three ingredients you get from the other sisters.

Once this is done, the five sisters will be finally reunited at Warbler’s Nest and they’ll play their song. Now the player must memorize the order in which they sing, and use a Korok Leaf to enter that pattern using the numbered rocks as a reference to reveal the shrine. This quest mixes two of the main attractions of any Zelda game: exploration and puzzles, and the shrine you get is not a blessing one... but it has a huge staircase.

Now that I’m done talking about the quest... please take a minute to appreciate the cuteness of the five sisters, specially during the cutscene in which they fly back to Rito Village. Also my apologies to the blue one for being an unhatched egg, never forget.

#4 (Worst) - Watch Out for the Flowers

The fact that this is one of the first shrines you’ll encounter after exiting the Plateau doesn’t save it from being among the worst. I’m talking about that infamous quest featuring the mad flower woman, who literally takes away part of your health is you step on her flowers too much. And by stepping, I mean just touching one single flower a little bit. Or you can also wait until you get Revali’s Gale and screw all the process up, but that still makes it too cheap. Get frustrated or skip everything, you decide what to do.

And don’t forget to burn all of the flowers from a certain distance when you leave using bomb arrows. She somehow won’t notice and you’ll feel like you’ve recovered all of the time you may have wasted with this one.

#3 (Best) - The Stolen Heirloom

Unlocking this one takes some time, as you don’t just need to defeat Master Kohga in order to trigger it, but also complete every secondary quest in Kakariko Village. Once you do, you’ll notice something strange at Impa’s house: that big fat orange ball is missing and that girl that gets shipped with Link way to much called Paya will tell you, sobbing, that someone stole it. After falsely incriminating a random woman who just wanted to cry the death of someone he loved (this is your fault Nintendo), if you head to the pedestal that’s next to the Great Fairy Fountain, everything gets suddenly real. Even more if you consider the lore of Kakariko Village.

Basically, the big fat ball was stolen by a big fat Yiga who is suspiciously stronger than the other big fat Yigas. I could talk about the fact that you just have to defeat him in order to unlock the shrine, but it’s the lore what gives the bronze medal to this quest on my list. Dorian, one of the guards in Impa’s House, is a former Yiga member who left the organization to look after his family, so the Yigas killed her wife as a revenge, and as they weren’t done yet they came back to steal the big fat ball which the game likes to call heirloom.

After kicking the Yiga’s butt, the first thing that came to my mind was that boy who was seemingly playing hide and seek with her mother for like, forever. You could think it’s just another NPC cliché, but everything changes when you find out that’s one of Dorian’s children. Then you’ll come across the game’s lore silently cutting onions in a distant corner.

#3 (Worst) - The Lost Pilgrimage

If you’ve played the game, you know what I’m talking about. All Koroks are cute, I must admit, but this one gets on my nerves, Scolting missions in videogames are generally bad, and this one is no exception. This mission is one of the three trials in the Korok Forest, and you have to follow a Korok without letting it notice you and, of course, trying not to lose track of it as he knows the way. And you don’t. The way becomes more and more dangerous as you progress, to the point where he runs back after getting scared without even telling you, and there’s a wolf ready to make things harder. And it’s not a short way.

The first time I did this quest I somehow managed to get to the shrine, but not complete the quest because I didn’t talk to the Korok once I was there. All I can tell you is that I tried again like 100 hours of gameplay later.

#2 (Best) - The Spring of Wisdom

Though you don’t really need to trigger an actual shrine quest in order to unlock the shrine, I just couldn’t miss this one. You’ve probably already seen Dinraal and Farosh flying around Hyrule, but what about Naydra? All the pieces of the puzzle put themselves on its place when you get to the summit of Mount Lanayru: the big blue dragon is possessed by that purple goo thing with eyes. And suddenly, a boss battle appears!

To defeat the evil forces taking over Naydra, you just have to fly next to him and shoot the malicious eyes with any arrows you have. Not too hard, yet not too easy, as Naydra moves and turns pretty fast and you can’t touch its freezing body. Despite the apparent simplicity of the battle, the setting is what makes it unique and different of anything we’ve played so far in any Zelda game. Once Naydra is defeated, you have to take a scale from its body and put it on the fountain to reveal the shrine. Make sure to say hi to Naydra whenever you find it while exploring!

#2 (Worst) - Test of Will

The main attraction of this shrine is three Gorons that don’t even know who you are and aren’t aware of you possessing either Fire Elixir or an entire suit that protects you from extreme heat in your inventory. This quest requires a bit of exploring to find, so you may already have any of the stuff required in your inventory... or you can rely of food, as it somehow prevents you from burning to death.

Now, just stand still for way too long until the Gorons notice you can handle heat better than they do. Don’t worry, they won’t notice you’re technically cheating, but they won’t give you back the five minutes you wasted by simply waiting.

#1 (Best) - Stranded on Eventide

Like if there were any doubts. Stranded on Eventide is the only quest where it just doesn’t matter what weapons or what enemies you’ve killed during your adventure (only hearts and stamina do), so it doesn’t really matter when you do this quest. This quest begins right when you step on Eventide Island for the first time, and the game takes away all of your clothes and weapons so you’ve got to start from zero, using anything you find as a weapon. The aim is to find three orange balls and bring each one to any of the three pedestals.

This is a challenge known for its rather hard difficulty, as it’s not about killing enemies as you’re probably used to do, but about avoiding them. You don’t want to face them though the balls are in the most dangerous locations possible. Heck, there’s even one on a Hinox, and the only alternatives are either climbing to his belly using his hand, or throwing something at his eye when he wakes up. But you can’t deny that the satisfaction of beating this is certainly worth it.

#1 (Worst) - Under a Red Moon

If the main problem with the previous worst quest was waiting, then you’re instantly going to understand why this is the worst quest in the game. You can be lucky and be able to unlock this shrine right away, or be like me and talk to Kass the night after the blood moon happened.

As you might have guessed, all you have to do is stand on the pedestal during a blood moon. And you have to do it naked. Unneeded detail that I bet at least someone missed and got even more frustrated... as unneeded as the quest itself, gotta be honest here.

And that was it! Those were my five most and least favourite shrine quests in Breath of the Wild... hope y’all agree! (probably not, though)

NEXT LIST: TOP 10 HARDEST KOROKS

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pinksweatergettingbetter · 7 years

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aight

lets ends this

i love that he's still trying to cheer her up with her terrible crossover idea

phoenix is such a sweetie

“...so we may put this dead lawyer walking out of his misery”

hear hear

just kill me already

“she's now slain two high level clergymen...”

one of which was a confirmed rebel but HEY whatever ITS NOT LIEK YOU KILL THEM IN GENERAL ANYWAY

who gives a fuck this trial is janked

“bahlgilpo’kon hell- the realm of eternal agony”

wow eternal agony is the bottom hell??? thats like the first hell in dante’s hells; youre soft as runny shit kooraheenism.

“there she will suffer the endless punishment of ja’gar by the galuun of Puhlmo’ten.”

SUBTITLES PLEASE

he was killed during the rite but they only found his body like two days later?!?!

what the fuck!?

...and wait a fucking second, he wasnt there when we were fucking investigating BULLSHIT

BUUULLLLLSSSHHHIIIIIIT!!!

two consecutive murders constitutes a serial killer??

every time sadmad sighs and shakes his head i lose a year of my life

Rayfa’s voice is so fucking unfitting; she’s got the voice of a 30 year old woman and she’s supposed to be a whiny-ass 14 year old

do these people know anything about casting??

is it really that hard to get a 14 year old to say a few lines? i was voice acting (not professionally obvs) when i was 14. i sucked, but i was doing it, and there’ve been younger kids working on real shows.

anyway

welp looks like this mcfuck is using a fake name

someone get on that

I'm sorry you’re surrounded by such incompetence, Rayfa. and i mean that. i like you now, youre kinda funny.

phoenix: plus, yesterday, someone told me how the divination seance used to work

phoenix fucking sucks at keeping secrets jesus christ holy fuck just SHUT UP ABOUT THE REBELS YOU MORON

if he says let it go and move on again I'm going to fucking scream

“haha! the police overlooked the clergy tattoo on the back of his neck!”

directly below the stab wound. the clergy tattoo. that has significance in their country.

Why do the Kooraheen Police suck so much ass? They can’t catch a running suspect, and apparently they’re all blind.

HOW DOES THE JUDGE NOT FUCKING KNOW A RELIGIOUS SYMBOL FROM HIS OWN FUCKING RELIGION?!?!?

[insert nahyuta eats (peach emoji)ass joke]

“aren't they utterly different shapes?”

...a... peach... and an upside down peach?!

nahyuta

im gonna blow your mind

this is called a handstand, here, do it with me

lazy ass parents naming their kid “real name”

fuck this joke country

this is some ‘who's on first’ bullshit

RAYFA LUSTS FOR BLOOD

yeah it was freezing on that mountain, of course your estimate was wrong.

i knew this was coming...

hebLINDED HER WITH SCIENCE

BEEP BA BOO BA

“this article is small in size but huge in importance!”

just like my d––

How... did this work? They did a great job of hiding that wound...

also no blood at the “scene of the crime”

yeah not suspicious at all

once again the prosecution blames the detective for something they couldn’t have helped :/

GUARD YOUR ASSHOLE EMA, GUARD YOUR ASSHOLE

HOLY SHIT

INSERT REFERENCE TO ABOVE PEACH JOKE

loud ass clock inside a secret hideout? good one, rebels. super well done.

ahhhh

now that is clever. i like that

although, considering the length of that statue’s beak, he should’ve been impaled right through his body, so.....

you were close, SOJ

glad to see more clever twists though.

game ruins everything with blatant hints

there are other cases where they can tell when two weapons have been used on the same wound

why cant they tell now?

stone sharp enough to cut skin??

your hideout is fucking death trap

good going rebels

youre using serial killer wrong... again

thats a lie, nobody likes swiss cheese

LAY OFF CHEESE YOU PIECE OF SHIT

ILL RIP YOUR ASS OUT

“what you said is total bullshit!! heres what happened; this, this this. and since I said it ,its true! without any proof!!! SO THERE”

phoenix: VALID POINT!

sadmad: bullshit excuse

judge: sounds legit, overruled!

“jeez just toss me an Axe if its that bad...”

“plotting your escapee from this sacred hall?”

yeah well just run out

“you would pin a crime upon the dead, who you know tell no tales?”

did you just forget the whole

soul pool thing or

are you just stupid

aw baby here we go

stop saying 30% you dont know shit

oh my god

whoa whats he doing with the magatama

“wait... i think i saw something just now...”

what, phoenix

what did you see, hmm?

“the power of prayer! yes... it uh... helps you... install listening devices in your secrets base uuhhhhhh...ITS NOT WEIRD

“She has a way of putting me at ease...”

(weeps) my babies

(sigh) its the wife, get on with it

“long years of ascetic training have sharpened my ears”

god the training is more useful to Athena than it is Maya. this is depressing.

make like a mollusc and clam up??? who says that???????

boy you sure fuckin suck at this Mr. Inmee

judging by that KAAHHH Tahrust should have a deep voice, and DD had a deeper male voice blip... why aren't they using it? they've already implemented singing blips and tutting blips, did they forget about the extra deep blips?

or are those reserved for demons?

he is a ghost...

...how far along is behleeb anyway? either I'm blind or the sprite artist forgot to give her a baby bump.

hey yeah! she's barely pregnant! her character art shows that! so its not so much of a stretch that she could be running around killing rebels. Plus, she hasn’t been pregnant for two years...

...of course, its not her, it’s rUHEEL NAYMUH, but still. she’s not far along enough to be inconvenienced by her child.

potato potahto tomahto egg salad!!

stop praying at me, nahyuta.

dont you fucking dare...

dont you even fucking dare

THEY DARED

I SWEAR TO FUCK

i swear to fuck

so. youre gonna blame maya. for the actions. of YOUR OWN GODDESS.

WHO’S GREAT AND POWERFUL AND MYSTICAL AND WISE AND PERFECT.... UNLESS SHE’S BEING CHANNELED BY A DIRTY FOREIGNER?

i just i cannot express how angry this makes me. it doesn’t make any fucking sense and it’s complete and utter hypocrisy. it’s even worse than before; before they were suggesting that the person dressed as Lady Kee’ra was killing rebels in her name, if it wasn’t outright her. Now they’re suggesting it was LITERALLY HER, and remember, these people are UBER RELIGIOUS, and they still have a problem with THEIR IMMORTAL GODDESS IN THE FLESH exacting her divine punishment against people THAT ARE HARMING THEIR COMMUNITY ANYWAY???

yes, vigilantism is dangerous. but it gets a little more fucking complicated when you suggest that it’s the legit actions of an ACTUAL GODDESS.

and even if this is the corrupt government just trying to cover up deaths (which it is) why didn’t they just step in and go “Yeah, another Lady Kee’ra murder. All hail the marvellous goddesses. er diarrhoea kooraheen.”

it would be a lot easier and a lot less messy than taking a kid to court. why do they even want Maya out of the way, anyway? She didn’t know any of the rebels, and she posed no threat to their corrupt government. Yeah, Zealot’s dead, but they literally could have just hired another crazy assassin.

Unless there’s a REAL GOOD FUCKIN REASON for all of this, I call bullshit, bullshit bULLSHIT

i think it’s time to let your head go and move on to another room sadmad

at the same time

...plus they legit just forgot their own lore.

maya can’t summon Kee’ra if she doesn’t know what she looks like.

that was so easy i didnt have to even press on statements; thats how easy that contradiction is. thats how easy it is to remember something stated five minutes ago, and how easy it is to remember how your own religion works. you fuckhats.

oh hey i just realized Tahrust really does call Behleeb his “lovely wife”

aw. how nice. if only they didnt decide to scapegoat maya.

doesn't matter your intentions; you die if you scapegoat maya. you die by my blade.

you ok pal. is an alarm clock really the source of an evil laugh.

“indeed! we leave the alarm switched off at all times!”

why would you even have a clock with an alarm on it in a secret base anyway?? and how did phoenix manage to play it in the hideout if the alarm was switched off?

“those distinctive taiko drums”

fuckin’ finally

ive been waiting for that stupid watch to come back for AAAGEES

of course there was a reason maya would mention traditional japanese instruments...

y’know it’s funny that he would even make that fuckup in the first place. if he’s a plumed punisher fan, he should know how the theme song goes. his wife was at least a big fan, meaning he’d probably have heard the opening enough times to know that Taiko drums weren’t part of it. Furthermore, if he was banking on the fact that the two themes sound similar to pass off the deception, then it was a huge mistake on his part to define the sound as Taiko drums; thats just a needless detail that could get him caught out, which it did.

and if he just didn’t know, well... again, useless detail. always bad. always be vague if you wanna get away with shit.

ah... at least in death, Raheel Namer didn’t have to suffer the Plumed Punisher theme song.

i love that phoenix refers to the show by it’s full title. that’s adorable.

now what’s really confusing me is that that Photo of the fam is stated to have been taken during the Feast of whatever. Which is the same time-frame as Reely Real Name’s death. He’s alive in the photo, Behleeb is in the photo, and the Judge and his family are nowhere to be found. But all those things were huge parts of the case, and they couldn’t have eaten before or after because of the whole ‘you can only eat Ghingil for three hours on that one special day’.

am I missing something or going nuts??

that said I'm so glad i can finally present this photo. it’s been gnawing at me as much as the watch thing.

“trademark topknot”

OH PLEASE JUST LET IT END

ffjglk dlg ljlgkd hey Tahrust do me a solid and just tell them how you died ok

please i have a family

i have stomach ulcers

off-brand logic

i totally forgot that was in this game too

wow.

“hmm, there’s really nothing to suggest a murder other than the red water in the spring, which only Maya would see and probably not question (considering this isn’t her religion and she doesn’t fuckin know how that shit works) and said spring probably empties somewhere, since it would be swampy otherwise. let’s see... i can KILL MYSELF TO GIVE THE RED WATER A REASON FOR EXISTING or do literally anything else... WELP, BETTER FUCKIN KILL MYSELF. ALL HAIL THE REBELS!”

...well at least he saved maya from contracted a blood disease.

tahrust must be pissed that his death came to naught when his own rebel pals gave the secret key to a guy who sold them out in five seconds.

never gets to meet his child... never gets to see the revolution come to fruition... never gets to live happily with his family... all because he couldn’t think of any other solution to protecting that shitty hovel behind a rock.

kinda tragic.

wish i was less angry

“there was no weapon at the inner sanctum...”

did everyone just forget the giant bloody murder statue???

pohl’fuckya sadmad

babe... oh no... don’t give yourself up like this

thats sad

dont

i feel the sad now

shit

“abbot inmee!! summon a physician at once!!’

HES DEAD

WAY TO RUIN THE MOMENT WITH UNINTENTIONAL COMEDY DUMBASS

“but murder sanctioned by the crown is still murder”

what’s murder sanctioned by a goddess? apparently you guys are ok with that one. oh unless it’s a goddess being channeled by a foreigner.

soerry im bitter about that one moving on now

he lunged at you from behind the stone slab?? nice trajectory moron

hang on a second he put reereenaymee’s body in the plaza before prayer time... with the dagger still in him??

HOW DID NOBODY NOTICE THE FUCKING DAGGER

“you need not frame the accused for your crime”

for once Sadmad says something smart

honestly... suicide really wasn’t the answer. even if it was to protect your wife there were,,,,, so many other options

for example, realname’s last moments, as we saw, made it look like he was killed in the Plaza of devotion. You could have so easily made it look like he was murdered there, by some rando, during the rite. The kooraheen police fucking suck at their job, so it wouldn’t matter. but no; you had to die, and blame Maya.... because she was foreign. A foreigner who came to you for guidance and shelter.

STOP AGREEING WITH ME SADMAD, I DONT LIKE YOU

“You must use your law powers to make sure no more innocent people suffer under this shitty law!!

...like Maya did!! .......because of me!!

i love that the excuse is like “there’s no way she could prove it was self defence in this government...” to make it all tear-jerking and point out how horrible and corrupt their legal system is...

...and yet, if we remember Reunion and Turnabout, which also included channeling and self defence... It was EQUALLY impossible for Maya to be cleared of the crime on self-defence charges!!

pot calling the kettle black, japanifornia!

“lol sorry for almost getting you killed cause i couldn't think of a better plan than kill myself”

yea thanks tahrust, coo-al

“I ask that you look after my wife”

er she’s... going to jail... she’s... been outed as a rebel... you do get that right

fuck you Tahrust, you made her cry

“now you can watch over me from the world beyond”

he cant actually, since they retconned spirits being conscious in the afterlife. good going, capcom.

oh man that cutscene was goofy. except for the crying

fuck you Tahrust

Maya: :D hOW y'all doin?!

also according to maya Tahrust didnt leave any regrets behind which means that he totally gives no fucks that his dumbass plan endangered Maya’s life and made his wife cry. Dick.

He doesn't even regret missing the birth of his fuckin child. Ass.

Sadmad: I owe a debt to you, one that I will return––

Me: Eat a rotten egg.

Sadmad: Wha-–

Me: Go on, master of putrescence. Eat a whole rotten egg. Consume it shell and all. You heard me. Insert the egg into your mouth and chomp down. Times ticking, I’m waiting.

i forgot about the stupid butterflies

“So I was thinking, Nick, the legal system here is really stacked agains the defence! It’s really unfair!”

YA DONT SAY

listen to this happy music playing as everyone is forced to come to terms with all this sad ass shit. also it appears we just forgot about that tiny matter of the government literally putting hits out. Rayfas dad. is doing this. Nobody gonna address that?? No? Ok

Maya: QUIT BEINA LIL BITCH

wait what

what is this new sprite

eurhg i dont like it put it away

thats not maya thats a husk of evil

wow. rayfa didnt even know why maya was here training. the bullshit continues to flow...

Maya: deciding what is true and what is false for your people...

the actual truth and lies, right? RIGHT? MAYA???

ergh this is so... corny? schlocky? it feels forced

“Sorry for almost getting you killed anyway VIVE LA REVOLUTION”

Yay! It’s vore man!! i kinda missed his stretchy face.

oh well that

thats just a really anticlimactic reveal of Dhurke

like tada! there he is! and he's gone! whatever; he's just been talked about in hushed whispers for the last case or w/e!

awww the bailiff thinks he can catch a running rebel!! so cute~

“The Steel Samurai vs Dhurke the Rebel!”

MAYA. THE LAST FIVE MINUTES WERE DEVOTED TO EXPLAINING THAT THE REBELS ARE THE GOOD GUYS. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM???

i love that they keep hammering in that “maya has stayed maya”

see guys??? dont you just feel the magic of the trilogy??? ITS THERE GUYS WE SWEAR

Welp, thats it for that case. Now back to America, to visit Athena and BK, and hopefully to read a more enjoyable storyline...

#sulking over SOJ #soj spoilers #soj spoilers obvs]

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gaypretzle · 3 years

Text

this one is my longest , it's call running against the moon

Blackness, it was all I could remember then loud, deafening claps of thunder, the crackling of fire above me, then the pounding of 80 or so paws running away, the beats of their paws growing fainter and fainter until I couldn’t strain my ears any longer to listen for the sound of the paws, I was alone. When I finally opened my small, soft blue, almond, eyes and rose from the dry grass I had been laying on for 2 weeks since my birth ,when my pack catered to me and my parents’ every need, I would now be alone for the next year of my life. Little did I know My first steps alone by myself would be the best ones in my life. After I took those steps I bounded down the hill to the river below, and drank the fresh, clear, delicious, sweet, water and watched the salmon swim up river and remembered that my pack hadn’t taught me how to hunt, I howled in anger, distress, and hatred once I had calmed down I figured I could teach myself because hunting is born, raised and fed like a fire in my blood. I decided to practice on a salmon, I aimed carefully and pounced into the river headfirst, grabbed the first moving solid object I could feel and swam to the river bank with the object between my sharp teeth when I got out of the river the warm spring air slowly drifted through my soaking wet, smoky grey, pelt, it felt amazing and when I opened my eyes I dropped the object from my teeth and looked at it ,I had caught the fish! Excitement, joy, happiness filled my body. I used my razor sharp claws to slice the fish open. The salmon’s eggs spilled out of its dying body, I took a bite of fish. It was delicious I ate the rest of the fish and its eggs, leaving nothing behind but clean bones. I wandered around and rolled in the lush, soft, green, dew coated grass happily hoping these feelings would last forever. I got up from the grass and began trotting to a dense, overgrown, forest. As I entered the forest it seemed not dense and overgrown but just perfect, I began scouting for a large den preferably on a not too steep cliff that overlooked a widely populated hunting ground with a variety of animals and a river where salmon was plentiful. After 1 long year of looking I found exactly what I had imagined, the perfect den. Now to create a pack, I searched from the highest mountain peaks to the lowest valley points and found my 5 pack mates and a messenger owl(including me as the fifth) , A bright eyed, female, 1 1/2 week old, white pelted, pup named isla, a tall, male with blood red eyes, 1 year old, matte black matted pelt with a crest like ridge that went from the end of his long tail to his scruff, and a small triangle of grey fur on his chest, named Shadow, a yellow eyed, hazel colored male with a swishy tail named Rex, a grey eyed, tan and white pelted male named Kaz, and a matte black pelted female with a crest like ridge that was smoky grey, almond shaped sharp blue eyes, a long irish setter like tail that was slightly marbled with smoky grey, the tips of her paws were snow white with vicious grey claws and white razor sharp teeth that had a very light red tint on the tips, her pelt was soft and silky, she had a small, brown, very tattered, bag, she was named Nash, After the pack was created the roles had to be put into place, Isla became the gatherer, Rex became the scout, shadow the lead hunter, Kaz the secondary hunter, Nash the alpha female, and lore the messenger owl. I now had a pack to look after, A pup to teach, and a male alpha to find. The first thing my pack did was learn their alpha’s howl, so I being the alpha howled, it was a loud, strong, furious, courageous, howl, Shadow has second to howl, then Rex, then Isla. “Alpha'' Shadow spoke strongly to me “yes Shadow, also watch your attitude'' I replied without missing a beat, “may I take Isla down to the hunting grounds to teach her?” He asked kindly, “I am going to take Isla to the ‘herb forest’ to teach her how to gather” I spoke “May I go with Kaz then, Alpha?” he asked “yes” I spoke quietly, “what?” said Rex, Kaz, and Shadow, “LEAVE AND DO YOUR JOBS NOW!” I roared at them

Kaz was the first to dart away, Shadow ran after him quickly catching up and surpassing Kaz, Rex now on the other parts of the outlook, I spun on the spot and looked at Isla, she was trembling, I slowly walked over to her and nudged her, she smiled happily, then before Rex could say anything a large hawk swooped down, attempting to take Isla. I jumped into the air and caught the hawk not hurting it. The hawk snapped its beak at me and loosened itself out of my grip and attacked me, cutting me, giving me gashes on my silky black pelt matting it with blood, then the hawk darted at me. Everything went black, Isla noticed and howled, seconds later the whole pack was there. After 3 hours I woke up, to my left was the hawk “w-w-who k-k-killed i-it?” I asked stuttering slightly “Me” Shadow spoke calmly, “will you come with me” Shadow said to me “everybody stay here” I ordered “yes Alpha” said Kaz, Rex, And Isla. I followed Shadow down to a still, clear, lifeless, 3ft deep, lake “look” he said I looked and I saw myself but I had a large scar over my right eye “is there anything you can do to fix it” I asked “maybe” he said “take off the bag” he said “ok” I said, he walked over to a bush and pulled out metal sift like net and a sharp rock with a handle and walked back over to me “lay in the lake” he said to me, I hesitated but agreed and laid in the lake. He set down the net on the beach and walked into the lake. I closed my eyes. 2 hours later he said “open your eyes” “ok” I said when we walked out of the lake I waited for it to become still, when it did I looked and saw my fur was now much shorter except for the long piece of fur covering my right eye and ridge “I love it” I darted as fast as I could back to the den“ look!” I said “wow!” said Kaz, Rex, and Isla. “everybody come here” they came “I will be having a competition” “there are only three competition" “Kaz, Shadow, and Rex” “ and the winner will become the male alpha” I said. “The challenges are simple, be the first male to kill a bull elk singularly, then you must call to me, the last to call will be eliminated, last wolf standing becomes the alpha male” I finished “now let the challenges BEGIN” and Rex, Kaz, and Shadow all darted in different directions, minutes were passing like seconds in my head after 10 or so minutes I heard a howl, it echoed through the valleys, it was deep like the wind’. This howl wasn’t from my pack, I saw a young pale tan wolf emerge from behind a large tree then an older wolf with a sleek yellowish tan pelt trotted in front of the young one. I speed walked over to them “hello” said the older wolf “hi” I replied “would you like to join my pack?” I blurted out “I’d be delighted to, can my son, 2 daughters, and wife join too?”he said “of course” I said. His wife was a beautiful white wolf with crystal blue eyes and a kind voice her name was lily, their daughter was an off-white silver eyed beauty with a flowing piece of fur on her head, her name was rose noire, their son was named Rally, the father was Alex, and their second daughter was a deep sleek black with a dark grey ridge and long piece of fur shaped like a crescent over her left eye, she had sharp almond shaped misty red eyes and a sharp attitude, her name was Alice. I took them up to the den and asked what position they wanted, Rose Noire took the position of the fisher, Lily took kappa, Rally became a watch guard with Rex, Alex became a gatherer like Isla, and Alice became the beta. Suddenly I heard Shadow’s howl then Kaz’s howl Then Rex’s, I ran down, gave Shadow the male alpha position and ran back. When Shadow returned to the den carrying a large bull elk in his mouth, he set it down near the den and began walking towards me as I nuzzled Alice who was larger than me looked like a male, Shadow growled threateningly at Alice first the at me I stood up and barred my bloodstained teeth at him, Alice did the same “who is this thing” he asked his voice low “nobody” I said “ who is this thing” he said again raising his voice “nobody” I said matching his volume “WHO IS THIS THING”

he roared with his eyes closed, but I did not answer when he opened his eyes I was gone and so was the rest of the pack, we were long gone already on the other side of the valley. Once I had found a new den, a large cave, I covered our scent, covered out the light, and started a fire to keep us warm, I burnt, pine and other scents to ward anything away, a coyote wandered into our cave and begged for life when he saw we were wolves “you can live here as long as you do our hunting” I said to him, he accepted and laid down with us beside the fire. The next morning I heard loud scratching at the closed entrance, but our coyote was still here, I sent the coyote out to see who It was moments later the coyote screamed but didn’t run back in the den. I bolted out of the den, ready to fight whoever killed our coyote, I saw shadow he looked rugged and hurt but I didn’t care “what do you want” I snapped “s-s-sorry alpha” he cowered “don’t call me that you, you, thing” I said “What do you mean” he asked “YOU’RE A LONE WOLF NOW” I roared “besides Alice was crying after you called her ‘this thing’ last night” “who’s Alice” he spoke “the girl you called ‘this thing’” I said “that wolf was a female?!” he asked “yes” I snapped rudely “please give me another chance” he begged “ok”I said smirking “there will be slight changes to the pack members’ jobs” I said “I don’t care if I’m not alpha, Kaz can be the alpha for all I care, but please I want to be the lead hunter” he pleaded “this can be arranged” I said “Kaz”, I called and he bolted out of the cave “yes Alpha?” he asked politely “You will be the new male alpha” I said “I cannot thank you enough alpha” he said “you may call me Nash now” I said “ok” he said quietly. Once everybody was back at the old den it became night and everybody was fast asleep except me and Alice “What are we doing?” she asked quietly but still very excited “to the hunting grounds, I am going to teach you to hunt at night”I said “Does Kaz know?” she asked “no” I said and we both snickered and ran down the hill into the hunting grounds both of us like pieces of night moving around we skidded to a stop before we fell into a deep, clear lake, we ran around it and continued to the grounds where before we could stop we hit a tall, black, silver eyed, wolf with a white chest and underbelly, with streaks in his tuft of fur on his head, I quickly jumped up and playfully pounced on the wolf “hello Nashy” said the figure “hello Jack”I said “who is this?” Alice asked “my older brother” I said “ you have an older brother?!” Alice asked amazed “of course I do, Ali” I said to her “might this be your daughter?” asked Jack “no” I said but perhaps you’d like to meet my pack” I spoke with a smile, “sure” he said “you can come and meet them” I said “of course” jack said . When we got back to the den Alice ran to go sleep with her parents and I slept with Jack. The next morning Kaz slept in late but shadow and Jack woke up early and greeted each other kindly. I woke up and crept into the den quietly to wake up Kaz so he could meet Jack as he walked out he saw Jack and went to greet him “hello you must be Jack'' Kaz said “I am, so you must be Kaz” “you know, Nashy here talked a lot about you” said Jack “really?” said Kaz “yep” Jack said. Then Jack pulled Kaz aside and spoke to him in a low voice “you treat my sister well or you’ll regret it” Jack threatened when they came back I had fallen asleep again so Kaz woke me up “Leave me alone! I’m tired!” I said, raising my voice and he let me sleep. 2.5 months passed like hours and I now had 7 pups to take care of 1 was a runt but I would make sure she survived. 5 weeks later my 7 pups had their pelts: Ruby had bright blue eyes and a snowy white silky pelt, Luna, the oldest, had a bluish , purplish black flowing pelt with crescent shaped tan splotches and light purple eyes, lilac, lilesto, and Lola all had tan, scrappy, fur and brown eyes, Melanie had pale blue fur and green eyes, and Ashley, a runt, she had silvery eyes like jack, and a black pelt with an even deeper black ridge and no

white whatsoever, even though Kaz was entirely white as was the rest of his family and I had white you could barely see all of my family had at least a small portion of white on their pelts. The next day I was preparing to take Isla to the herb forest when I heard the sounds of Ruby, lilac, lilesto, Lola, and Melanie taunting Ashley and Luna but when I went over to see what was happening, they were just playing together. So I asked Luna what happened , “Ruby and her group of meanies were picking on Ashy so I stood up for her and the were mean to me” she said “I will have your father talk with ruby and the girls, ok” I said softly “ but for now you and ash can come with me” I finished, and we left to go down to the hunting grounds. As we padded down to the grounds a flash of off white flew past us, then again. It stopped in front of us, it was a pup. It had thin heavily matted fur and many scars, it had sharp claws and it’s eyes were silver except for it’s left eye which was blind from a scar, “hello?” I asked nervously. but it only replied with a grunt. “Hello?” I asked louder and less nervously “what?” it said in a low almost growling voice. “You're on pack territory” I said still a bit nervous “I don't care” it replied “well you should” I said shedding the nervous voice and sprouting a more confident one. “Why should I, packie” it asked “well we could kill you if we wanted to”I said growing more confident but it just rolled it’s eyes and bounded away towards the small lake shadow cut my fur at. “HA WIMP” I barked happily only to see a wall of the off-white fur running at me, going full speed. I managed to yelp before crashing to the dewy morning grass, my head hitting last with a thud, then a sudden coyote-like howl struck my ears like nails against a chalkboard, then many yelps. I woke quickly to a body next to me “what happened“ I groaned, “that scum happened“ shadow spat, sticking his snout in the air. face turned from sour to panicked in seconds “kaz, get Nash, isla, Rex, lily, rose, Alex, rally, and Alice to safety, i got the runt” shadow said to kaz. Kaz picked me up after rounding up everyone as fast as possible, darting in and out of trees to get us to safety. Shadow helped the runt up and took off after kaz then he stopped dead in his tracks and bolted for the den collecting my pups and chasing back after kaz.

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