#i only have 2 valium and im out of my kpin | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

314thagoras · 4 years

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Medication Journal Entry #2

update on amitriptyline; this drug is shit. glorified benadryl/promethazine type shit. woke up with a pounding migraine which is ironic because its supposed to treat migraines and headaches. i find it ironic medications which are supposed to treat X sometimes enable X to happen.

anyway, I was convinced i was dopesick for a minute since i’ve been on a china white binge even though it wouldn’t quite make sense since my last dose was last night. i even had heartburn when i woke up. my head felt stuffed and every step i took felt like a pounding inside my head and all i could do was lay there with a wet dish rag over my head, refusing to take any other drug besides aspirin and klonopin in fear that any other painkiller i took might just make it worse somehow and then incur a rebound migraine.

did some experiments and confirmed it wasn’t from the binge. It didn’t feel like withdrawal symptoms anyway.

never touching this shit again. it did do its job in knocking me out a lil but it just feels like diphenhydramine so i dont get the point in having a script of this. its only 1 buck to pick up with my insurance and its not even worth the 1 dollar for 30 of these pills. For whatever reason, I find medication that works like this dehydrate the fuck out of you and quickly dehydrating while you are asleep is the recipe for a perfectly excruciating headache.

I should see if i can get ambien to see if it would finally stabilize my sleep schedule. annoyingly, doctors are very cautious and would rather never prescribe two or more narcotic medications at once but as far as my psychiatrist knows i do not portray drug-seeking behavior. I’ve been seeing him for almost a year now and have yet to request a dose increase or any narcotics for that matter and i bring my mother in time to time. it helps him see I have someone who cares about me who won’t enable me to abuse or self medicate. Admittedly its just been an illusion i put on to get what i need. I have an earlier journal entry which explains why i have only increased my dose once the whole time i’ve been on clonazepam with the current psychiatrist i’m seeing, even though the psych i’m seeing is a private doctor who is paid pretty well and kinda doesn’t challenge too much about what I ask for, like I said before, he works with me but also informs me about side-effects and long-term side effects, but not in a way to scare me, more so to inform.

I also have the option of seroquel as stated in the past. I was prescribed for it for my insomnia but in the end what I really want is something that augments my benzodiazepine prescriptions better OR works well enough to feel like i don’t need benzos as much during the day and then use benzos for late P.M which is usually when my anxiety is the worst sometimes. dunno why. ends up keeping me awake up until about 4 AM going on 5 and screwing up my whole schedule if i’m not taking a high enough dose of benzos at night.. Just another example why I really do need a dose increase but I’m hoping a switch to valium or xanax at the equivalent dose of kpins im on will be enough to avoid increasing my dose, as much as in the end, i really want to.

TL;DR amitriptyline tends to sometimes be kinda shitty, other times its not bad. nothing to write home about. Need to phone my doctor to figure out why im still getting clonazepam from the pharmacy when we both decided to move me on alprazolam. considering syraquel, ambien or zoloft. I have a friend who was just put on zoloft this month and he cant recommend it enough, said its helped him cut down on other self medication he usually uses.

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