#i took the juicy couture sidekick photo off a site listing it for a thousand dollars

[cockneydio]

Vaguely contemporary bucci gang cell phone shitpost

Inspired by this amazing post by @uminozerol I can't believe I actually followed through on this i hope this means my executive is functioning again omg anyway: (and I don't wanna hear shit from you gremlins about "this phone came out in 2003" It's about the energy of the era okay!):

Bruno Bucciarati

Bruno was that guy with a lot of communication devices, for crime reasons (which btw is why such devices used to be banned in schools). To wit:

Crime beeper, but you gotta make sure those payphones aren't up on the wire Booch

Blackberry with the click wheel that was the first of the more elevated "pager🧐" type devices. U could get email on them so that's pretty cool. He had a Palm Pilot in the 90s but could never get it to sync to his PC, mostly because his PC was running MS-DOS and yknow what was probably actually still just a word processor lbh.

But I'll be damned if my man isn't seen with the sexiest newest whip on the market, before it hits the market, even if he doesn't know what half the functions are. So he gets a Razr, which I understand is hot and new again. Hits the globe key once and incurs $39,768 in data usage fees.

Pannacotta Fugo

Nokia 5110. Sturdy. Reliable. Always there when you need it. Won't leave you in a lurch when the going gets tough. He sees no need to update to a newer model, and amuses himself by changing the face plates to the most crude and offensive things that one mall kiosk has to offer. Also you can crack someone's orbital bone if you bring the corner of one of these suckers down on their face. Probably the kind of phone Naomi Campbell used.

Leone Abbacchio

one of these construction hat yellow Nextels that let you chirp on it like a walkola-talkola because he's still got that boot shoved way way down his throat but nobody ever chips him on it bc nobody ever needs to speak with Leone Abbacchio that urgently. He wears it on the belt clip that you have to buy separately.

Guido Mista (i accidentally put this in order of when they joined the gang I think..like I did this at random and put it in my notes at random and still I- )

This boy grew up thinking a car phone inside a Cadillac was the height of class and he's not wrong so he owns the car phone, but not the car. Even more unfortunately for mista, these things don't actually need to be installed in a car in order to work? So imagine Guido "Swagnificent" Mista hanging on the street corner with one of these 26-lb beauties hanging on his shoulder, cord all kinked for no reason, antenna out the back, lookin' fly for the ladeez. You can't because he doesn't.

Narancia Ghirga

SIDEKICK! So fun for The Teens amirite MTV?? It flips horizontal and Backstreet Boys vertical! Isn't that fun! And it has a whole keyboard but it's Abercrombie cool cos it's not a lame old blackberry like dad has! Limited edition Juicy Couture model bc that's the random image I clicked on and nothing could top that except for maybe von Dutch.

Giorno Giovanna

This bastard uses a land line because he is an asshole, which of course then becomes a personality trait. Will drop unnecessary bits of information about Guglielmo Marconi when he's waxing on about the superiority of tangible, wired communication, and because he's the boss everyone has to listen and agree.

#i took the juicy couture sidekick photo off a site listing it for a thousand dollars #bruno bucciarati #leone abbacchio #giorno giovanna #guido mista #narancia ghirga #pannacotta fugo #bucci gang #jojo shitpost #calliope shitposts #giorno's right about ethernet connections at any rate