#i will be 30 a pathetic virgin who cant connect with anyone

[omanu]

.

#hey god (you guys) it's me again #ive been living my life as i can but there are times when i get paralyzed bc of the state im in #i feel too old to be at this point in my life and in theory i dont care but it has its effects in real life like #im a 26 year old person who is still in college with no friends in college #the age factor is not entirely responsible for this but it is a lot anyway #the 20's ppl in my classes are too childish and lively and just at some place im not anymore #im still a girl which i really am not but i cant not be a girl right now #but i am #and i just keep thinking how embarrassing it is to be like this #and i cant really do anything about it #i will get too old when im able to and at that #everything will be harder for me when i can change #and honestly im not even excited about it because i know i cant live how i want anyway because everything will be gone #the moment is gone #and i will keep hating myself #cuz i want to and cuz im unable not to #like. there is no other way #and no one is talking to me no one cares enough about me for that #i will be 30 a pathetic virgin who cant connect with anyone #an ugly bitch until i die i think this is the most tragic thing of it all #no its not okay no i wont find anyone no one will find me #it's not right ive never lived right #and i have always hated it and i always will #im just trying being patient. one day i will die #one day i will #be patient #nobody can empathize with me nobody can reach me #it sucks i hate it but apparently that's what i want