#cuz i want to and cuz im unable not to

[omanu]

.

#hey god (you guys) it's me again #ive been living my life as i can but there are times when i get paralyzed bc of the state im in #i feel too old to be at this point in my life and in theory i dont care but it has its effects in real life like #im a 26 year old person who is still in college with no friends in college #the age factor is not entirely responsible for this but it is a lot anyway #the 20's ppl in my classes are too childish and lively and just at some place im not anymore #im still a girl which i really am not but i cant not be a girl right now #but i am #and i just keep thinking how embarrassing it is to be like this #and i cant really do anything about it #i will get too old when im able to and at that #everything will be harder for me when i can change #and honestly im not even excited about it because i know i cant live how i want anyway because everything will be gone #the moment is gone #and i will keep hating myself #cuz i want to and cuz im unable not to #like. there is no other way #and no one is talking to me no one cares enough about me for that #i will be 30 a pathetic virgin who cant connect with anyone #an ugly bitch until i die i think this is the most tragic thing of it all #no its not okay no i wont find anyone no one will find me #it's not right ive never lived right #and i have always hated it and i always will #im just trying being patient. one day i will die #one day i will #be patient #nobody can empathize with me nobody can reach me #it sucks i hate it but apparently that's what i want

[oceanwithouthermoon]

i hate college i just want to think about saiki kusuo forever :((

#i somewhat missed the first few weeks of this semester cuz i was kinda having a depressive episode #and i didnt realize that im unable to make up these quizzes #so i already have a shit grade in this really hard class #like i'll prob be fine if i do everything for the rest of the semester but that means i have absolutely no leeway #so if i fail a test or something im fucked #i cant just email my professor 'hey ik i knowingly enrolled in this difficult class but i was kinda sad last week can u make an exception' #im going crazy #its FINE. #its like one of the only college classes i actually WANTED to take too and i actually care about for my future #so if i fail im literally going to pee my pants and explode #whatever #WHATEVER. #erm meow venting on main kick this bitch out the discord server/j #shes venting in general chat!!!

[stonerzelda]

Cleaning my room makes me daydream of having a hoise one day and how id decorate the shittt out of it while still keeping it organized (<-probably lying but its ok) like when i was a kid and my cousin burned the OOT soundtrack onto a disc for me id put it in my shitty portable radio and listen to zoras domain while i took a shower and it RULEDDD <333 ive always wanted a zoras domain themed bathroom, ive always wanted to put SAND on the floor too even tho thatd be a nightmare but maybe i could fashion glass overtop or somefing...a room thats forest themed, a kitchen painted to be like a smb backdrop, just fragments of 90s viddy game shit everywhereee like man. Life could really be dream

#im just tired of feeling stuck and never not even once being abke to decorate my living space the way i always wanted to #we moved so much when i was a kid i never bothered cuz i knew it wouldnt last long #and rn were just staying in this basement unable to change anything or get any furniture cuz we will inevitably have to leave #and his parents want to remodel Everything. so. #could be worse but i like to dream

[bingobongobonko]

work in the afternoon so i have time to do. somthing.. its 12 am. finished drg season, just two assignment sets so nothing too daunting. i could work on campaign stuff but also i could sleep but also i could fold my clothes.. conflicted. might just go do campaign stuff right

#fool's monologue #cuz i know imma be back from work tired and dead and unable to read...... which is very important if im to do notetaking on the CPR system. #AND THE 400 PAGE BOOOOOOOOOOOOOK #pulling my hair out #fuuuuuuuuuuck. #i dont HAVE to read the whole thing but .. also i want to.. #oh wait i forgot i have the gm screen #i dont NEEEEED to make a whole blog dedicated to rules but also.. ima hands on guy. ill get overwhelmed with just the rules sheet so #i will make a dumbed down version for myself yes yes #PLUS :) got a vague idea for the oneshot entrance so im very yippee bout that #just have to set up the actual mission. most likely using one a guy recommended 2 #me thats easy to run for newbies but i wanna reskin it and add flavor text #actually maybe ill do my laundry first. its been piling for weeks now and i feel bad #AHTDO cyberpunk im kissing you on the lips so sweetly. im sorry i havent been working on you.. im slow and overwhelm easily but i care #im just nervous and doubting my own abilities but you have a story waiting to be told in a format i enjoy #and thats whats important

[rose-tinted-tnt]

I didn't get to continue working on this fic today like I had hoped, but i shared this snippet from my new cannibalism wip on twit yday bc i rly liked it. i felt it would only fair if i showed it here too ^_^

#big sad bc my hands hurt rly bad today and im afraid if I try to do much w them that I'll end up unable to use them at all again #cuz like. i already spent all of jan and at least half of feb unable to use my fingers from pain b4. i dont want to do that again. #im hoping its just temp and will go away again after today or a few days bc i rly wanna work on this more!!!!! also i have uni so #anyways i love gore sm im so excited to finally get to the actual gore section of this fic #im just so. moans. the poetic beauty of love and cannibalism and the intimacy of consuming and being consumed #!!!!!!!!!!!! #i am so normal guys i swear #tom #wil #tombur #rtt.txt

[subject-13]

Augh sometimes i wish i did n o t have cronic pain

To wither into some grass rn

#bruh im over here unable to walk because my god damn hip decided it wanted to dislocate and pop back in all painful like #except i gotta walk on it still cuz i gotta work and augh #not to mention the other body parts on me that are fr screaming at me #anyway #hope y'all's says r good #unnamed alter #vent #chronic pain vent

[blueslight]

👎

#I domt think I made it clear enough to my now ex girlfriend that I broke up with her because she is absolutely unbearably clingy #and now.i feel guilty that she didnt get it cuz like until she realizes that all her relationships are gonna fail cuz any normal guy would #lose his fucking mind at her and anyone who WOULDNT would probably use her depedence to abuse her and like. I know that and i feel.bad for #evidently not making it clear enough to her #cause like also even now shes still being clingy with me ....and i find myself unable to set proper boundaries cause I dont wanna be mean #and them im morally unhappy with myself. but like then again i DO set boundaries she just doesnt respect them . and then I lose my #composure and get mean and thats even worse cuz i dont wanna be mean to someome as fragile as her but like. Shes suffocated me so much im #in the mindset of a cornered injured animal . and they bite #and it frustrates me that i cant react organically to her cause i always have to keep quiet and not protest even when she really crosses #my boundarjes cuz i dont wanna upset her #and she even said herself that even now im the omly.person she wants to talk to and i told her several.times to go talk to our other #friends cuz how am i supposed to comfort her about her breakup WHEN I DID THE FUCKING BREAKING UP.. #plus I dont want that like i dont want the sole responsiblity for her social interactioms and emotional support just because shes #got unhealthy attachment behavior and refuses to get therapy .. #and like now its like well i domt wanna be mean or hurt her even more but also I dont wanna comfort my ex ABOUT *OUR* FUCKIMG BREAKUP that #is 1. fucked up EVEN THO we are still friends like id.comfort her about other stuff but how does she not realize that this wont. help #and 2. it gives me fuckin war flashbacks to my last relationship which just activates my injured animal instinct even further #and Idk why i cant set boundaries w her cuz i can do it well with other people but she just paralyzes me somehow w this stuff EVEN THO WE #GET ALONG WELL WHEN WERE LIKE NORMALLY PLATONICALLY INTERACRING #idk man i just need a fucking breather like i understand breakups hurt and i was anticipating giving her space until we can properly be #friends again (which we agreed on wanting) but like #Its not gonna get any better for her if shes constantly interacting w me #and on god her attachmenr to me isnt entirely healthy AND I DOMR WANNA SUPPORT HER UNHEALTHY BEHAVIORS but i also dont wanna be constantly #like acting on a meta level thinking whats besr for HER instead of just acting on instinct ...

[zarovich]

I cant stand this, cant deal with this constant exhaustion. im so damn tired yet no matter how much I sleep its never enough and i pass out through the day regardless. the worst!!

#makes me so miserable that id rather be dead. cuz i aint living #i havent ever been living. its been like this for as longas i remember i have to sleep for at least 10 hours or im unable to function #and thats at least. i usually sleep longer. literallt have slept for 24 hours before. and was still tired after. as so fucking tired #i cant stand this combineed with my chronic migraines?? i rathe rkill myself than live like this much longer. who wouldnt? #tired lf the passing out too. im afraid to leave the house often bc i get so sleepy i feel faint. makes my agoraphobia worse #idkwhats wrong. i need to get a sleep study but i have no way to do so. its not up to me. plus i dont trust doctors no more #ive kinda just. given up at this point. id rather just sleep it away. my dreams are so vivid and happy why wouldnt i want to stay #i need to sleep now anyways. imso tired im shaking and hurting all over. sorry i nwed to vent i feel alone and paranoid. void talking #if i get embarrassed by this i might deleted it. if i even remember that is #vent #personal

[corruptedsilence]

its wild to think that resident evil 8 isn’t even 2 years old it feels like it came out like years ago

#Out for a Bite // OOC #Screams from the Abyss // MT #;; also i dont know where resident evil might go but #;; ethan really is just a good main character tbh #;; i never felt like he was like that 'im perfect because im the main character' #;; but i always got the 'im doing my best because i have to' #;; because like take into account ethan does go through a fuck ton of suffering #;; he is shown to not be unable to be harmed #;; idk it just feels like his reasons for going forward #;; and his persistant nature is all realistic even in an unrealistic like setting #;; its so interesting hfjkewhfewjk #;; i just really want a breakdown of just how rgeat ethan *feels* as a main character #;; its imo the best way to do 'the normal guy' trope #;; because so often *COUGHS AT RWBY* it can be obnoxious how unrealistically powerful they become #;; but i never really got that #;; and they actually give him such a good story and just a likable personality #;; i dont think i've personally seen people complain about ethan's character #;; and i know we were robbed from seeing his beautiful face but like #;; lowkey i kinda like that #;; cuz ethan does feel like he could be any father/lover/person who holds a passion and love of life #;; sorry i really like the winter's story hfejkhwk

[basslinegrave]

my pc was slow and sai was fucky so i did a restart but now its doing something. i dont like this (looks like hard drive corruption ah fuck me)

#evil thoughts are being thunk #i think my C is dying cuz its always full but im unable to do anything about it now #i wanted to switch to D or get a new hdd but its too much work and i already lost a Ton of files before twice so i dont wanna fuck around

[avo-kat]

me: oh i dont care about bnha much at all, its just some manga ive read years ago for a bit but barely had any impact on me

me seeing my avatar:

#i forgor hes from bnha tbh.... #hes blorbo from my fanfics #has nothing much to do w canon tbh #and ive started reading bnha fanfics after only a few chapters in tbh #then i decided i wanted to write some fanfic #so i decided to catch up on the manga to know more abt the lore etc. #anyway i wasnt happy with canon lmao #what was i expecting... shounen is shounen sigh.... #i also liked haikyuu and was catching up on the anime #talked to a friend about it who was super grumpy abt the ending and i asked her to spoiler me #and oh boy!!!! now im so glad i wasnt into haikyuu #cuz that wouldve pissed me off #which is to say #i learned my lesson once #with homestuck #afterwards i just wasnt able to trust any creator anymore sorry #im unable to get rly invested anymore #youll be disappointed #which ig isnt rly fair #im all for creators doing their own thing yknow even if fans wanted smth else #thats just how it is #anyway #dont hype up creators or actors or whatever #dont get fandom tattoos unless the author and franchise has been dead for over 200 yrs #and even then its sketchy #imagine getting a fandom tattoo of some “dead” fandom #and then the next day a horrible remake drops. nah man #avotxt

[sirvil]

Maaaan

#ignore this im venting here #cuz idk wherre else to go #past couple holidays have sucked ass dude #bc i been so sad for no good reason #adapted the worst mindset in the world and now im unable to reach out to even my closest friends #like i been so fucking sensitive lately with my bpd #but its just fucking constant #i want to od just about every night and i cant stand it #and i feel like the most unbearable person bc of it #like literally what are u supposed to do abt someone whos not getting better rn #idk if its gonna get worse before it gets better i feel like this is the worst ive been since forever #but oh my god #ik people love me #but i wish i could feel loved rn #but im stuck thinking im the worst fucking person to deal with rn

[seriial]

i’m gonna fail my classes again because i WANNA FUCKING DIE who’s surprised !!

#venting in the tags >>> #well venting further LMAO #CAN I BE DONE WITH MY DEGREE SO I CAN FUCK OFF INTO THE SUNSET OR SOMETHING #everything is so unbearable and has been for so long but im physically unable to die wtf #which is not good for my ’competitive’ nature cuz i want to push myself beyond what i’ve done already #but like. i was p much bedridden just 5 months ago #so i should not #but i want to

[scamguy]

vent ignore this

#go to work and it all fucking sucks. i get home and once again it fucking sucks again. the only time im okay is when im asleep and i only #get 5 hours a night #im so tired of this shit i want to leave i want to go really far away I want to leave this place. #i hate being poor and stuck and unable to free myself #im in the fucking glue trap. god #i just want to off myself cuz at this point it seems almost like a solution but i know i cant so i wont. so I'm just stuck here like this #i probably need to start doing drugs or maybe i should use all my money to book a flight to fuckwhere and disappear forever

[legeel]

stress poopin on da job

#this morning was insane #i ordered this cute ass bodysuit for work but it’s COMPLETELY FUCKING SEE THROUGH so i had to drive home from my bf’s house and change into #something UGLY bc i have like no work clothes #so i got a coffee for my trials and tribulations but i get to work #and i am SUPER CONFUSED because idk if selling tangibles counts as part of solicitation #and im afraid to ask at this point cuz I’ve been working on this thing for like two days #i asked my mom though and she was like not super sure so at least it’s not a dumb question? SHOULD HAVE ASKED IT YESTERDAY FUCK #anyway idk what I’m gonna do so i had to run to the bathroom to stress poop goodbye #i realize this is actually not that chaotic of a morning but considering i wanted to work from home today real bad (and should have tbh) it #feels like 2 much #and i WANT to finish this this week but i have a date tonight so i dont want to work past 5 #AND!! i have been dicking around for the past two days FULLY unable to focus #my attention span is literally destroyed i need to fix it or I’m literally gonna get myself fired or killed or something at this rate #praying no one looks at my time sheets

[grosutina]

Now you're gone, cut off, alone

#ne seri #when will it be on my own terms #i got icecream cuz i wanted icecream but then it had beef gelatin so naturally i got drunk about it #and i love the stuff that floats to the surface #a profound fucking pattern of busting balls to meet people on their own terms but never seeing that happen to me #idk if its really because im a convenience woman or because im spiritually unable to perceive it when it comes my way #i just dont wanna feel so profoundly lonely but feeling used and deeply inconvenienced every time someone tries to get my company #and i cant get rid of the love i can just cover it up with rage and cold silence because i know you didn't care and never will #my rage is terrifying and my fire is too much and im just wired wrong wrong wrong #ill move mountains and act like its fine until i find out you wont do the same cause i taught you not to even think about it #and then nothing in the world can make me act like i care again again again again #why should i care when you never did #not in a way i needed you to when i needed someone to care #i have a whole bottle of rum im gonna start working my way down #yeah how fucking dare i have whatever neurochemical spice thats made everyone sniff me out for the less than human thing i am