#i’ve just been thinking about illumi being the de facto older sibling for all of them

[h2o2-and-baking-soda]

not to go back down my annual hxh rabbit hole but the zoldyck siblings fuck me up sm like the entire family’s fucked up because of the parents and grandparents and the siblings are just going with what they know.

like illumi is only able to love in the way he does because it’s what he was taught and he’s in it too deep, so the only thing he knows is to control and possess and keep things for himself. is he aware of this being the wrong way to love? does he care?

milluki is the way he is because the parents probably saw where they went wrong with illumi and tried to fix it but now they have a son who’s simultaneously dependent and murderous and has found his own niche interests in things that he can collect and love, but is unable to really love him back.

then killua. who was the first to actually leave and see that there is real love out there, that it’s attainable for him not just for his usefulness for the family but also for his own self, but then fell too hard and figured out that when the sun is too bright it can hurt you too.

then alluka, who’s loved and hated for her ability/self and only knew love from one source but that love was good and so technically she’s okay but she’s really also not at all okay.

and finally kalluto, who was so overlooked and saw killua leave and so followed his footsteps and made his own family of thieves and murderers out of his own free will.

idk how to end this but >:((

#if this is incoherent i’m so sorry #i’ve just been thinking about illumi being the de facto older sibling for all of them #and it made me really sad #illumi zoldyck #milluki zoldyck #killua #killua zoldyck #kalluto zoldyck #hxh kalluto #alluka zoldyck #zoldyck family #hxh #hunter x hunter