#i'm so very used to this snd i wish i was so fucking numb to knowing that i can hurt people st the drop of a hat

[carlosoliveiras-wife]

hi. so some things happened today. ruined my mood. and it's hard to...deal with and i don't much like making it weigh on others. so this is how i'm dealing with it.

PROSHIP DNI

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selfshippers who...are made to feel like they are destined to ruin things by merely existing. to selfshippers who...who feel like expressing any amount of emotion that's negative and are immediately thrown into hell for it. to the selfshippers who have come to believe that they make things worse for everyone literally just by emotions or expressing yourself the way you can— your f/o is not kinda be the fucking asshole who repeats this cycle.

to selfshippers who have bottled since they were kids because they've been treated like shit while traumatized, who's only means of getting the pain out is through silently crying and going quiet in the hopes you can fix everything by shutting up, your f/o would *not* contribute to this. your f/os would carefully walk you through your feelings, try to help you talk. they'll help you as much as they can, even if it means letting you crying, sobbing, wailing into their embrace because you don't get this safety often, hell, maybe even at all.

to the selfshippers who have built up so much anger that your reactions come off as attitudes, your f/o would never see you that way. they know you can't express yourself properly at times, and that going quiet is how you're processing it in the moment.

if you've had a parent who fucking hurts you and puts you through turmoil, who has made you so used to being alone and that you'd be better off away from them because you feel like all you happen to do is ruin shit and that you are not valid in how you feel, your f/o will NEVER treat you the same. they'll have you know you are not destined to piss everyone off, that you're not destined to ruin everything, and that you deserve to live a fucking normal life where you aren't fucking treated like a villain for your emotions, for your hurt.

to the selfshippers who have come to fear communicating and expect negative reactions for even breathing a goddamn word. to the selfshippers who would rather shut up to make it all okay, to the selfshippers who would rather take and bear all the hurt and bury inside than talk about it, your f/o understands and would gently approach you and coax you to talk. they understand if you don't trust talking to them at first because of all the shit you've been through, they wouldn't get pissed, they wouldn't be exasperated. they know talking about it would be better, and they knoe you want nothing more than to communicate your feelings— but they also know it isn't fucking easy for you.

there's so much more i could add on, but i'll leave it at this. just know that your f/os don't see you as a monster, that they don't see you as a fucking jackass when you have the right to get upset over something or you're just upset in general. you're not a burden to them, they don't view you as a monster. they want you to feel safe, to feel okay in being who you are, because holy shit, family clearly never have us that.

#⛈️: chloë's rainy day thoughts. #selfship #self ship #selfshipping #self shipping #selfship community #self ship community #safeship #safeshipping #selfship comfort #today was...a day #i'm so very used to this snd i wish i was so fucking numb to knowing that i can hurt people st the drop of a hat #i'm so so tired of it #but at the end of the day #i know that i have friends that care and will listen #that i can imagine characters i love that will listen. #and...it's nice. and while it wont fix the issues at hand that i face more than i can predict #it can make me smile a little