#i've been not Considering it bc i'm not 100% sure and top surgery is my biggest priority but i think that's going 2 have to wait

[thedarklyblue]

what if i just started t

#.txt #it is 9:30 pm time to think about Gender #i've been not Considering it bc i'm not 100% sure and top surgery is my biggest priority but i think that's going 2 have to wait #for a few years at least #but like low dose t gel....... #build a little muscle drop my voice so i'm not immediately clockable get a little hairier ... #obviously i cannot control the effects and theres more to it but god damn #-> they were talking about emulating their dad's style today and unearthing wants. #someday when i am not in a small dorm i will sew myself buttonups and vests and pants and be a silly old-fashioned little gamer butch #anyway. it's bedtime and i am in a mood <3 #spring formal is saturday and i have a blazer and cologne and a chain (and platform boots to be a tad taller) and am taking my roommate #because her boyfriend can't make it #and i am going to be SO butch i keep thinking about it <3

[70snasagay]

time to write a long post about my current experiences with gender feel free to ignore it's basically a rant and just for myself

1: gender

so first of all i am still a teen (why am i here anyway? don't ask) and am still figuring out what my gender is which started out as yep my gender is definitely girl yeah for sure and then it went on to maybe i'm a demigirl which still wasn't quite right so then came maybe i'm genderfluid which is sorta where i am rn? but i've been thinking and it doesn't fit quite right bc my gender doesn't change that much so idk but of the options i mentioned it's the closest to my true gender but i may be just nonbinary? ig that's the closest i can get but the reason i don't 100% feel comfortable with it is because it feels more rigid to me than genderfluid even though i know it's not rigid at all and there aren't the changes that one would expect to come with genderfluidity so i'm probably just enby but who knows

2: binders & top surgery

so i'm lucky enough to have small boobs (my body can basically be described as 'small waist but the rest isn't much bigger either') but i still am annoyed with them and really want to bind and i'm getting binders for christmas probably (yayyy shoutout to my parents for being lovely enough to get me binders for xmas <3) but just binding forever isn't a great option so i want to get top surgery at some point in the future but for some reason anytime i consider actually getting top surgery i feel sort of guilty about it the reason being that my boobs are already small enough that a few layers of clothing already cover it up mostly so i'm robbing someone of tom surgery? which is bs i know but ig i just made myself believe it so i feel less bad about not being able to get top surgery bc hungary ain't great and i think i wouldn't be able to get top surgery even if i wanted to

3: my hair

actually i'll write another post about this at some point but it's a big deal

#val's yellings #feel free to ignore #long post