#i've genuinely been avoiding talking about my emotions or my private life on here because i don't exactly feel safe on here anymore

[hannie-dul-set]

saturday came rolling by quicker than you'd expected.

standing near the entrance of the rather expensive restaurant (you swore that even the plants by the door are worth more than everything you were wearing combined) you opened your phone, double checking to make sure you were at the right place that jaehyun's mother messaged you.

admittedly, it was a bit weird that you were hanging our with your new friend's mother whithout the knowledge of that said friend, but even if you wanted to back out, you couldn't because it would be rude to do so.

you returned your phone back into your white sling bag after confirming that this was indeed the place and made your way into the entrance, the restaurant's guard opening the door for you.

the moment you stepped in, you started to feel a bit self conscious. you were only wearing a simple navy blue wrap dress underneath a cream cardigan and a pair of sandals to match— deeming you absolutely out of place inside the fancy interior of the establishment.

to the eyes of the occupants of the restaurant, you probably looked like a lost puppy considering your attire and the fact that you had no idea where the hell mrs. jung was.

"miss, can i help you?"

your search was interrupted by one of the waiters, you assumed.

"oh, um, i'm looking for mrs. jung..?"

were you supposed to say that? at that point you didn't even care— you just wanted this whole lunch thing over and done with.

"ah, then you must be y/n l/n, correct?" you were slightly confused, but you nodded anyway.

"follow me, miss."

and so you did, carefully treading along the restaurant floor. you were afraid if you even breathe in the wrong direction, you'd end up breaking one of the many expensive decorations littered all around the place.

the waiter lead you to a secluded part of the restaurant. sunlight was beaming into the large arch windows that were adorning the walls and there were only three tables set up, all of which were unoccupied save for the one at the very end.

as you moved further inside, the two people that were sitting at the last table had noticed you and the waiter walking in. their heads turned towards your direction and you stopped in your tracks.

one of them was mrs. jung, obviously, but the other one you weren't quite expecting.

"miss y/n?"

"jaehyun?"

amidst your shock, the waiter had already left, leaving the three of you alone. your eyes were frozen stuck on jaehyun dozens of question marks floating around his head.

you were confused, but then you remembered that this was her son, of course he'd be here. but couldn't she at least have told you?

"y/n, dear, it's good that you've finally joined us! i was worried that you wouldn't come."

jaehyun was the first to snap back into reality. he diverted his attention from you to his mother.

"mother," you couldn't pinpoint the exact emotion he was carrying in his voice. "care to explain why miss y/n is here?"

"i invited her, of course," mrs. jung seemed to be completely unbothered by not so pleasant demeanor that her son was baring.

"sorry, i can just leave if you'd like," the atmosphere was unbearably uncomfortable and you'd much rather just leave if you could. you gave them a small bow before turning your heels, hand clutching your bag as you were about to leave.

"no, it's alright—" the screeching of a chair was heard and you felt a hand grab onto your arm, preventing you from moving forward. you turned around and you were met with a rather frantic looking jaehyun. "you can stay."

eyes wide from the sudden close proximity, your gaze moved back and forth from jaehyun's very very close face to his hand that was holding onto you— you could feel the heat slowly rising to your cheeks.

jaehyun must've noticed the situation that you two were in and he let go of you hurriedly, a coughing out a small sorry in the process. from the corner of your eye you could see his mother looking at the both of you with an amusement in her face. mostly because of his son's absolutely uncharacteristic behavior but you weren't aware of that.

"i apologize if my words sounded rude," jaehyun started, finally managing to get himself back together. "it wasn't my intention to send you away— i was just surprised to see you again."

"no it's okay," you gave him a smile of assurance and he visibly relaxed.

you nearly forgot that his mother was actually here (not to mention she was the one who invited you) until you heard her speak up.

"maybe i'm the one who should be leaving?" she teased, jaehyun giving her a disapproving look.

"you're staying. i believe you still have some explaining to do, mother."

much to your surprise, lunch went a lot better that you'd expected, especially taking into account the prior events that took place. mrs. jung eventually told jaehyun everything— the fact that she contacted you last time as well as her reasonings. jaehyun wasn't really upset that his mother was trying to set you two up, he was absolutely flustered to the highest point— cheeks flaring and avoiding eye contact from you as much as possible, you couldn't help but laugh at him, furthering his embarrassment.

"i apologize for my mother's behavior," he tells you (although, his eyes were looking everywhere else except for you).

the evident unease that was present earlier was replaced with comfortable air to which you were surprised, but nevertheless you were thankful. the conversation went on until the topic eventually landed on you.

"y/n," jaehyun's mom started, taking a sip from her peach-colored drink before continuing. "i realized i never got to ask your age."

"ah, i'm turning twenty-one this year," you replied, earning a hum from the older woman.

jaehyun places down his fork, diverting his attention towards you instead. "you must be in school then. do you mind me asking what your major is?"

"oh, no i'm not, actually,"

you continued to eat your food (you asked jaehyun what it was called but it your ears failed to understand the rich language) while the two of your companions promptly stopped, expecting you to continue. the sudden attention directed on you was a bit discomforting, so you placed your utensils down and wiped your lips with the napkin available.

"i can't really afford college so i'm still trying to save."

"what about your parents?" jaehyun asked, concern lacing his voice. "shouldn't they be the one's supporting you?"

"they sort of abandoned me after i graduated high school," you reply, staring at the untouched drink in front of you. "so i had to do things on my own from there."

you didn't really have a problem talking about your situation— you'd always been one to believe that all things happen for a reason, so you don't hold anything against your parents. you were never one to dwell on things; you'd rather choose to just keep on moving forward no matter how many setbacks you encounter. but of course, even though you had moved, emotions from the past sometimes resurface.

"i'm so sorry to hear that, sweetie," mrs. jung tried to sympathize with you. "i hope you're not too uncomfortable talking about this."

"no, it's okay, i've moved on," you pressed your lips together into a smile. "and although i'm not exactly in the best place financially, i'm pretty happy with my life right now. the experiences i've gathered and all of the wonderful people i've met— i'm very thankful for all of that."

after your mini speech, you looked over to jaehyun, who was looking at you with an expression that you weren't able to pinpoint.

"you really are an amazing person, miss y/n."

the words that left jaehyun's lips left you stunned, unable to think of a response. he might've said this to you through chat but this time he was looking at you— looking at you so so intently that you lost your entire train of thought.

"oh— um, thanks," you managed to sputter out before going back to your food.

"you know, dear, i'd be more than willing to help you with your financial situation right now," jaehyun's mother says and you politely decline.

"no, no, it's okay! i've saved up quite a bit already, and on top of my many part time jobs, my art has been doing pretty well recently," you explain. "i don't think it would be right for me to take money from you."

mrs. jung thinks momentarily before speaking up. "art? are you an artist, y/n?"

"i remember her mentioning it to me at one point," jaehyun joins in the conversation.

"well... i'm not exactly well known but i do a bit of freelance work here and there," you meekly mumbled. "i also do commissions."

until now, you couldn't tell what exactly was going on in jaehyun's head, but mrs. jung seems to be elated from your words.

"that sounds wonderful, dear!" jaehyun's mother beamed. "if you aren't too busy, i'd like to commission you, as well."

"really?"

you perked up from hearing her suggestion. you still had a few paintings lined up to be finished, but you'd be a fool to pass up on this opportunity.

"i still have some things to work on," you began. "but if you could wait until those are finished, then i see no problem!"

"there's no rush, dear! work on it as you see fit— we can discuss the details privately in a later time."

"alright, thank you so much, mrs. jung! i'll be sure not to disappoint you."

the day went on and the lunch you spent with the two jung's was over. after bidding then goodbye and thanking them for the nice meal, jaehyun had insistently offered to drive you home, but you politely declined, saying that you can just take the bus instead.

sitting on one of the benches at the bus stop, you pulled out your ear buds, deciding to listen to music as you waited. today wasn't as bad as you expected. jungwoo and haechan were wrong about mrs. jung— she may be a bit excessive and a bit too evasive regarding her son's affairs, she seemed like a genuine and sweet lady, none the less.

amidst your thoughts, you felt someone sitting beside you so you instinctively scooted away. you heard a cough from the said person, so you looked over to them. surprised, you pulled your ear buds away.

"jaehyun?"

"miss y/n," he looked at you. "i would like to formally apologize for my mother's behavior— she tends to cross boundaries without meaning to, i hope you don't take anything against her."

to be honest, you never expected jaehyun to run after you. it appears that the tables have turned seeing that he looks extremely out of place in his expensive looking coat inside the vicinity of the run-down bus stop. jaehyun still looked a bit embarrassed talking about it seeing that his face was painted a light dust of pink, causing a mirthful laugh to bubble in your throat.

"it's okay," you smiled at him in assurance. "i was definitely caught off guard, but i can see that your mother doesn't have any ill intentions."

jaehyun let out a sigh, visibly easing up upon your response.

"thank you for understanding," he gave a you smile and you were taken aback— jung jaehyun smiled at you for the first time that day and holy shit he has dimples.

before you can conjure up a response, the bus came into view and you stood up in haste, moving closer into the street. as the vehicle neared, you looked behind to see that jaehyun was now on his feet but he was yet to leave. the both of you made eye contact and you grinned at him.

"i'll be going now, jaehyun. thank you for today!"

his expression mirrored yours, hands snugly tucked into the pockets of his coat.

"likewise, miss y/n."

you curtly nodded before finally entering the bus. as you sat down, you looked outside the window only to see jaehyun still in the same position as before but he had his phone in his hand, fingers tapping away at the screen. he noticed you looking at him, giving you a small wave before walking away.

your phone buzzed from inside your back and you quickly took it out. a laugh escaped your lips and a wide smile blossomed into your face.

gold painted canvas

the classic rich boy and poor girl love story but with less prejudice and more happiness

13 // safe ride home

a/n: written part!! :D pls enjoy hehet <3

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[frogsandfries]

Cute

Disclaimer: I'm using the app and have never figured out how (if it's even possible) to insert a break, so this is your warning to scroll through if you're averse to even potentially adult topics.

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So I'm sure if you're a reader of my incredibly personal journal blogs, you've heard me getting all teenage-angst about being here in Oregon, living with my once-former best friend who I briefly dated before some poor choices resulted in him vanishing from my life. I'm sure you're tired of reading about my impatience for his flagging current relationship to just freaking end already. I'm sure you're pretty well done hearing me moan about doing my best to hide my true feelings. It's not fair, boohoo, he's like always in a relationship with someone else and this relationship he's in now is going to get better when his girlfriend gets here, agony and emotional anguish, he's gonna choose her over me, wahh!

I'm so pitiful, I was actually getting depressed over it. Well and I guess some part, I was feeling a little isolated because I couldn't even be best-friend-goofy with him. Y'know, we were drinking and eating edibles together and I had to override my lowered inhibitions to avoid making things awkward or worse.

We talked the other night about how he has needs that his girlfriend either isn't or can't attend to for a variety of reasons, least of which being, she's a state away and neither have a vehicle. My ground rule was that I couldn't cross that line until he at least communicated to her that he wanted to take an official break. He did so, and at least according to him, she was much more reasonable and collected about it than either of us expected. Either she was so crushed, she was in shock, or she was genuinely okay with it. Either way, I'm pretty surprised she didn't (unless she did, and he didn't think I needed to know or she didn't say it) attribute the break idea to me, because I suggested it to her twice and neither time did she like the idea. It can be difficult to have a relationship with someone who panics when it takes longer than usual for their partner to respond.

Also, of course selfishly, I'm pleased to have my best friend back, and back to myself. And then some, because I get to live with him.

Further disclaimer, this is the part where I'm going to bust out those adult topics if you would prefer not to learn more than you ever wanted to know about my sex life.

Obviously living with someone like our current host... um, well let's say, last night, I made my friend sleep on the couch and uncharacteristically, he slept the same direction I was sleeping and....... this guy thought it was somehow acceptable to stand behind the couch in the dark room. Plus he's a light sleeper. I'm usually loud and clumsy. When someone puts their hand down my pants, volume control generally goes out the window. It's hard to say if my friend wants to keep our relations lowkey because his friend is a serious pervert in all the worst ways or it's just kind of an abrupt 180° and this guy is already having a hard time being a reasonable host. Or idk maybe he's just trying to be private. It's hard to have privacy in a one-bedroom apartment when no one actually gets to use the one and only bedroom for sleeping. Case in point, I'm 90% sure our host woke up when my friend actually penetrated me. Like I said, I have volume control issues and, y'know.... I wanted it.

So yeah, what's it like to finally get in the pants of your best friend who you've wanted since you met him when you were seventeen?

Well, it's not the rollercoaster it would've been if we were still teens. Plus, he's still helping his girlfriend while they're on break. I do love him, but it's a resilient, persistant love for someone who may have left me, but hurting me hurt them and they've learned from that, and they've grown, I've grown, and here we are, sharing our lives again. It's an elastic kind of love that is ready to be whatever my best friend needs. I mean, there must be a reason that we were independantly drawn to the same state; there must be a reason we're back in each other's lives. Even if there is no god to guide our lives or fates who weave the threads of our lives.

However, I know throwing caution to the wind and not using a condom, even knowing how sparse my periods can be, well... actually, I'm torn between sticking to my guns and not caring, because this is a chapter I'm ready for, and self-flagellating because a lot of reasons. Because even if I have nine months to get a job and health insurance, it's still going to just be a financial death sentence. Because if this break results in their relationship working out, she may know. And even if he wants his own child, she wanted me to have none of it.

There are more reasons to kick my own ass than there are reasons to not care.

But after all, he is my best friend. He's my family, as is my middle-school best friend. My love for her is that of a sister and valued confidant. My love for him is not something I can name, I just want him to be happy. And now that my one, poorly kept secret is laid bare to the person from whom I was trying to keep it, there's no barrier, the line is a lot more blurry. What kind of emotional love he needs from me seems a little more, and yet less, clear to me. As typical of me this is, I'm happy to give him what he needs--but especially so when it's also what I want.

I'm ready to handle the consequences of my actions.

But at the same time, I'm nervous and concerned that he may not feel the same...... What if doing that was a mistake? Has this changed everything?

I may have had the best sex I've had in my short list of encounters, but what if he realized something about me? Something he doesn't like?

My other friend says if it happens, it was meant to be... I hope so... I don't know...

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