#id be real flirty around the guy i actually liked while he was in earshot and honestly i lived for that shit daily

[beaversatemygrandma]

I was randomly thinking about how my name rubs me the wrong way, always has, always will. Like yes, i love how it's unique (met like two people who shared it with me at most but now that the namesake's dead.... well there's more), and I've always gotten complimented on it and how its pronounced and whatever. But holy hell, could it be any more ragingly feminine.

I also remembered this weird conversation i had with this coworker (straight dude who was like 35 and always flirting with me, tbh i usually play along because it made him Very Helpful). Anyhoo, him and somebody else were talking about 90s music artists. He was like "Ya know who was a really good singer? Aaliyah." The other coworker just agreed. Then i noticed him giving me this Look as i held this dumbfounded face trying to figure out why the fuck this had to do with me. It took me like a solid thirty seconds to just say "Ohh yeah, she was pretty good." and just walk the fuck away. Just another small thing that made me internally start screeching about how i hate having this name. Also how else was i supposed to react to that and the damn Look??

Thinking more and more about possible name changes, but i can't even name things, let alone myself. (Have yall seen my flight rising lair??? Half of the dragons are unnamed rn.) Like the only other thing I've gone by was Taksony and that's online on a few sites and sometimes here. It's a medieval hungarian name (i should look up that monarch who had the name and make sure he wasn't problematic. He was a monarch so that might be hard) and i doubt the world is ready for me to bring it back. Plus the short form is Taks and that just sounds like tax. So. Yeah. Taxes. And a name from an OC from the ancient dA days. I just stole his name once i got comfy being called that on FR and lioden and whatever. But yeah. Super feminine name from an old hip hop artist isn't exactly what I'm liking tbh. I've never liked it much and now I'm aware of why i don't so here we are. I'm an adult who's very likely not cis, and renaming yourself is possible. So yeah. Here we are.

#there was also this other time when the guy tried to get my number #and i was standing on a damn ladder as he held it steady #and i literally tossed down what i was holding and just said 'bruh im gay' #and then proceeded to go over to the guy that i had been actively talking to/messing around with #yes the guy was jealous #id be real flirty around the guy i actually liked while he was in earshot and honestly i lived for that shit daily #i mean not to mention the dude is 16 years older than me like fuck no #i didnt realize i was flirting out of spite but i find this hilarious two years later #and yes i would still use his help and kindness to my advantage #i think it as payment for literal harassment #like yes you creepy old dude who asked me out please carry this heavy shit for me that im fully capable of carrying because i dont feel lik #before i get called out for this i want to reiterate that i was 18/19 at this time and the guy was literally 35 sooo #back to the name thing #no i have no ideas and no im likely not doing it anytime soon bc im not even out yet #the bf went on this harmless rant the other day about how he doesnt understand they/them pronouns and ive been reeling #like ik he didnt mean harm and was just asking about it but ugh and i thought i was about to come out to you #might as well just skip to he/him for him... #though id highly prefer he/they #but still #i also remember back in the day when i was really little and scooby doo was the special interest #how i would always say that i wanted to be shaggy but my mom was like no youre more like velma #and i was like No I'm Shaggy. #shaggy gives me gender envy #beavers speaks #some gender shit #back to the scooby doo thing i wonder if that was why i was really into stoner guys for a while #i think it was tbh #not anymore but holy hell do i want to give off those super chill masc vibes #i wonder just how long it took me to realize that i didnt have a crush on those dudes but wanted to be them