#idk it's just weird. i CRAVED that validation. i wanted to feel like i wasn't just feeling like shit for nothing

[doubledyke]

How do you think would be Edd and Ed's lives in a world where Eddy was never born or they never meet him? Would they indeed be accepted by the other kids, or would they be lonely hermits stuck on their houses (Edd with his experiments and Ed with his sci-fi movies as their only friends respectively)? I bet more on the second option.

oh boy, the question of all time. i guess i'll have to go with the second option to some extent.

ed is unlikely to be truly and wholly accepted by most of the other kids with or without eddy imo. he's smelly and weird, and sarah, who's part of the in-crowd, can't stand him. she's not going to let him join in the reindeer games, and i doubt he'd want to spend more time with her than he already has to, let's be real.

he could very well be perfectly happy with the life of a hermit. like you mentioned, he's got his movies and comics, his models, and a limitless imagination. he doesn't strike me as the type to require much or really any social interaction or validation. he does love being around his friends! edd and eddy that is. he's an extremely sweet person, and very affectionate towards people he cares about. but he could fare just as well being a loner. also, dude can evidently conjure up a tulpa any time he wants (e.g. jib).

he isn't one to hold grudges at all, so if the kids did occasionally need him to effortlessly lift a house or car, he'd happily oblige. that's about the extent of their "acceptance" of ed though. jonny and rolf are the exceptions - i think they'd be buddies with the lump.

it might be a little harder to say for certain with edd, since he puts up so many fronts. i think he may be somewhat accepted - he's clean, smart, and the girls think he's cute. he's good to have around when you need help with homework, or your bike chain slips... or you've got a growth of some sort... but much like big ed, he's pretty strange, on top of being finicky, pretentious, etc.. and he's a buzzkill a lot of the time, which gets old real fast. that being said i think he could easily build a superficial rapport with the kids, though they probably won't be inviting him to any soirees. if i had to choose a kid who might connect most with edd, it'd be jimmy..... so literally exactly what happens in the show.

as far as edd ending up a shut in, i imagine without eddy he probably would spend most of his time on his own, but does venture outdoors. he loves being in nature and looking at bugs, that typa stuff. he'd still do that, just alone i guess. not a farfetched assumption at all. but edd does crave SOME level of social approval and validation. and since he doesn't get it at home, he has to look elsewhere. so without eddy, he would have to manage with a few fair-weather friendships in the neighborhood until he inevitably leaves peach creek and meets people that are more his speed.

there's an argument to be made that despite his need for socialization, he, like ed, would have little to no desire to hang out with the cul-de-sac kids. cuz like, what would they do? it's nearly impossible for me to imagine edd 'playing' with the other kids, since he's 12 going on 45. edd doesn't play, at least not uncritically lmao. he likes to read and do his tinkering and experiments, etc.. at least with ed and eddy he can put those things to some kind of use.

which brings me to my semi-related tangent, and i'll try not to go too far off the rails here, but don't hold your breath.

i feel like this kind of question is prevalent because some people want to imagine that the cul-de-sac would be all sunshine and rainbows if only eddy wasn't around. as if ed and edd are clamoring to hang out with kevin (lol) and the only thing preventing them from being the toasts of the town is eddy? it's really weird seeing as he's basically the main character and there's not a show without their antics. idk what to tell those people except that maybe they need to find another long defunct cartoon to over analyze 😬

not that you're doing this at all anon, but it drives me crazy when people try to absolve edd of wrongdoing and paint him as a trembling victim. i mean, people can do whatever they want, but shitting on eddy is a bit much. plus it strips away a lot of what makes edd interesting.

edd makes a conscious and informed choice every day to hang out with ed and eddy.

i don't personally think it's because he was or necessarily would be outright shunned by the other kids. dare i say, he just likes them lmao.

eddy and edd have a major similarity in their desire to appear more mature than they are:

eddy is shameless in his attempts, whereas edd tries to play it off.

and that's it. that's the show.

kidding, but only a little. essentially, they're both precocious and have probably been exposed to shit that kids shouldn't be exposed to. i think that's the foundation of their friendship, aside from having the same name.

in some ways, eddy IS more "mature" than his peers, in his own greasy way. he's mostly a typical idiot pre-teen, but let's give him some credit here: he knows it's a dog eat dog world and you don't get anywhere in life by whistlin' dixie. he's just trying to get a head start.

edd is complicit and just as culpable as eddy is in their grift. he compulsively voices his disapproval and still not only goes along, but contributes greatly. it appears that a lot of the time his biggest qualm is even that the scams are immoral, but that they're unconvincing.

there could be a few different explanations for that, but "edd is a victim of eddy" simply isn't one of them.

a) edd also wants money, and if that means fleecing people he believes are below him, so be it.

b) edd views these rackets as the preferable, more adult-esque alternative to playing tiddlywinks with his peers.

c) he likes spending time with ed and eddy and that entails running two-bit scams

these aren't mutually exclusive by any means. to me, all three apply at various times in the series.

all that to say, i don't think edd is forced to hang out with ed and eddy because he's just SO outwardly off-putting that the kids wouldn't give him the time of day. that assumes that he even wants their time, y'know. unlike eddy, edd is not "cool-conscious". he doesn't care where he belongs, he's just wants to belong. and he found his sense of belonging with dumb and dumber. it says a lot about him, i think 😂

much like any kid if he really wanted to mesh with the in-crowd, he'd find a way. to act like edd has no other option just comes off as a slight toward the other two eds.

okay anyway, the eds are a package deal. without eddy... there's literally no ed edd n eddy. none of them would develop the way they did if one of them was missing. that's why it's weird to try and guess what would happen if eddy wasn't around. but...

i don't see edd giving ed much of a chance if it weren't for eddy's forcing them to be around each other. he'd get one whiff of the guy and disintegrate into a pile of wood dust. and ed barely understands what edd says, so why would he have ever initiated a conversation if not for eddy standing by to interpret??

of course, edd did a pretty good job at predicting what life would look like for ed and eddy if he ended up as the pretzel legged boy in the sideshow - the sucker quotient does go way down when the signs are misspelled. and as for if it were just edd and eddy, they would've killed each other by the end of season 2.

#thanks for asking and for resending lol not sure what happened there #and my bad for digressing as usual #but hopefully you see how it relates to the question #text

[kenobster]

Tag 9 people you want to get to know better. I was tagged by @librarianladyx and @hellotemporaryuniverse like.... probably a month ago. Sorry for the delay XD Thank you for the tag!! ❤

Three ships: Ship is such a weird term to me because I don't use it the same way lots of ppl do haha. To me, shipping means me enjoying the dynamic between characters (which, depending on tolerance level, can allow romantic/sexual depiction, but usually stays completely platonic). So like my "ships" are Obi-Wan & Anakin, Obi-Wan & Cody, and lately, also because of @kcrabb88, Obi-Wan & Quinlan. But like, I also have to acknowledge that I'm not really smut-averse either.... But I don't really call the smutty things I like "ships" because the way I enjoy it is so fucked up and pretty much noncon. But like, if we were to talk about my smutty noncon ships, they'd be Anakin/Miraj, Vader/Obi-Wan (excluding ones where Obikin, even one-sided, is a thing prior to Anakin becoming Vader), and Anakin-Vader/Palpatine.

First ever ship: Hmm, I don't remember, but probably Aragorn & Legolas (though this was pre fandom life). Funnily enough, I think my first exposure to fandom (early teenage years) was actually Star Wars, too. I really liked Obi-Wan & Anakin then as well (also Obi-Wan & Siri)

Last song: I haven't been listening to music lately, but the last song I played on Spotify was "Don't Save Me" by Chxrlotte which @kcrabb88 recommended haha (and that was like... idk, a week ago? so yeah a little music-averse lately)

Last movie: My mom was hanging out with me while I did job applications recently and she played Airplane! (1980) on my tv. The movie was so fucking funny that I actually stopped my job applications to watch it with her.

Currently reading: ugh, I need to get back into reading, but I'm deep in Star Wars brainrot right now and can't read anything else. Currently rereading Dark Disciple whenever I can manage reading published books. A fic that I'm screaming about right now while I wait for chapter 2 is The Land of my Father (super unusual choice for me but it's so good, damn). And whenever my brain can handle a brief separation from Star Wars, I'm reading Sailing by Orion's Star by @kcrabb88 which is Very Good (lmao she has apparently affected my answers for like 3 of these questions, damn)

Currently watching: Star Wars: Rebels!! I just started season 4.

Currently consuming: String cheese

Currently craving: Validation omg, please comment on Every Shadow if you've read it and liked it. I had to post it a few days before the collection was revealed which means it got pushed several pages back on the search results (which is my primary source of readers). So I knew I wasn't going to get much validation until I post chapter 2, but I'm sad and greedy lmao.

I'm always anxious tagging ppl for things like this, omg, bc I'm worried someone will feel left out. So please please please, if you are reading this and you follow me, idc who u are, u are tagged. Yes, that means you. You. There is literally no exception to this rule and it counts as a real tag. So if you want to do it, there's no "technically" about it, I have tagged you. :) <3

#tag game #personal #. #.. #... #CW noncon

[chelbequeen]

😂😂😂

I'm just realizing that he's probably going to think I was calling myself a clown but I wasn't but it's also funny idk. Ima let him think whatever he wants.

I don't even know what I want from him. But I do know that I crave his presence. And I can't expect to just wanna sit in his face asking questions but not be willing or able to answer the same questions or his questions which I'm sure he would have some.

And there's not really any subject I don't mind touching except for the most obvious. I may write about it but I haven't really been able to speak about it.

But I want to be next to him and I have to look at myself and question.

And there's so many questions I don't even know where to begin.

I can only start with what I know. And what I know is I care a lot more than i want to admit. I know I miss him. I know he cares. I know I would see him if he asked. I know there's no point in asking to see him myself, he made that very clear. I know I'm afraid I'll never get to spend time with him again.

I don't know how much he cares or in what way. Maybe it's lust. I don't know why he wants to be my friend, not that I'm a bad person but it's a foreign concept I guess. I don't know if I trust him completely or maybe I don't trust myself? I don't know if I could watch him be with someone else and still be his friend? But I also don't know if I want to be with him?

Like it's weird 😕 where I want to love and be loved on return but not just anybody? And I could probably most definitely find someone else but I want to love on him and get all his love. And I can list reasons why i would choosehim but at the end of the day it doesn't really matter because he would also have to choose me back. I don't see why he would change his mind.

And I know I want to know what he's thinking, the good and the bad, all of it but am I ready to answer questions?

And what am i to do with all this? Like I can't even talk to him about it. And it's fine I guess. I can respect all his wishes but that mean I don't have a right to feel things about it. I do have a right and some of my feelings are valid some are exaggerated because I'm a primadonna drama queen (it's really trauma response, invalid but still valid, stupid shit).

Hard to balance being soft and vulnerable when life has taught you so many lessons the hard way and made you tough. I feel like it would be easier to navigate if we could talk. I also feel like sometimes i would feel better if I could just call him and listen to his voice but that's not finna happen no time soon.

Crazy the I could have a heart that can love people so deeply but still want to die.

I know I am difficult to love because I love me. It's not easy but someone's gotta do it. I know I can be a lot to deal with, my emotions my health. A bitch is very high maintenance. And the only way I can lighten the burden that is loving and caring for me is to do it myself.

I know he's looking for someone. Anyone that's not me.

Just because he doesn't see me in a romantic light doesn't mean I don't exist in that light.

Am I degrading and humiliating myself?

I am a person who feels but would prefer not to.

I exist which I also would prefer not to do.

I am valid, aniexty, depression, ptsd and etc..

I am worthy of love. But not everyone is worthy of me.

I think he's worth it. I wish he felt the same about me. But I also don't care.

Anywho I talk too much. Long ass diary entry tryna process feelings. I think that's enough for a couple few days.

Maybe I was subconsciously calling myself a clown 🤡 🤔

[kyandice]

13,14,15/07/2017

13th

So today is like a Thursday and I only have CEP tutorial for one hour and I’m done for the day. So like I could just go home but Bryan still had classes until like 4 or 5 pm??? 

But anyways, we ate lunch at foodgle and foodgle and I ate the Ayam penyet idk is this how u spell it??? But wtf the teh o ice was fking expensive it’s like $1.40?????? but its only like $0.90 at koufu????

And yeahhhh, Bryan got default golddddddd. anyways, I pretty scared for PA I really want to get gold, if I don’t get gold now, I don’t think I can get gold in the future when I’m fighting under black belt.

During the exam period, he was tired and like sleepy so he wanted to go home. But like I told him I have to study in school or I won’t study at home, and I asked him to make a move home first. but he refused he says he can’t just leave me alone like that in school. I told him it was alright. but he still refused to go home.he explained: if the tables turned and if he wants to study, I wouldn’t leave him too.

 But the weird thing is, now, he wants me to go back home immediately if I’m going to wait for more than an hour for him to finish the class, and he must also do the same. But I lied that I still have cpes practical so I could go home with him. In the end I told him I don’t have cpes prac 30min before his class ended, so I’ll know that  Bryan will be like: might as well wait for me and we go home tgt.

So when we got home tgt, everything was great I guess, except that I was sick and I didn't quite hear what Bryan was saying so I kept saying huh and he kinda got pissed and thought I wasn't listening to him. But okay we hugged in the end, kissed too so it was great. 

So when I went back home, Bryan already probably was sleeping yeap. And then I saw Yi Le tweet, she shared about this secure in love website thing where we do this quiz for us and our partner and find out more about our love styles.

Anyways, I’m putting the links and results here for future reference, in case, idk, people change so we can do this still, in the future.( http://secureinlove.com )

Mine, What I feel is me:

 (http://secureinlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/05_LoveStyle_LoyalSupporter.pdf) (http://secureinlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/05_PartnerLoveStyle_LoyalSupporter.pdf)

I don’t know what he feels is me cuz, he is lazy and he refused to do any more quizzes.

Bryan’s, What he feels is him:

 (http://secureinlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/02_LoveStyle_ConfidentHero.pdf) (http://secureinlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/02_PartnerLoveStyle_ConfidentHero.pdf)

                       What I feel is him:

(http://secureinlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/03_LoveStyle_HesitantRomantic.pdf) (http://secureinlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/03_PartnerLoveStyle_HesitantRomantic.pdf)

But yeah, so since he thinks that he’s a Confident Hero, this is what I shouldn’t do to him:

DON’T:

 • Assume everything is easy for them 

• Take them for granted or take advantage of their flexibility or generosity

• Forget all the hard work your partner puts in to make things look easy 

• Expect your partner to set firm limits, they often over commit and overdo

• Forget that they need help with balance particularly when they are stressed

• Expect them to understand your drama or your need for space

• Forget that they like to work hard and play hard

• Forget to listen to them, while they are easy going they get frustrated also 

And since I think that he’s a Heistant Romantic, this is what I shouldn’t do to him:

DON’T: 

• Lose sight that your partner is well intended and does not want to hurt you if they are being critical it is out of wanting to be accurate not that they are uncaring or unfeeling

• Crowd them or interrupt them and expect them to be present

• Be insincere in your praise

• Play games by threatening to leave them in an attempt to get them to chase you

• Overwhelm them with multiple complaints or grievances

• Assume they don’t love you because they show interest in other people or activities

• Use generalized language such as “you always” or “you never”

• Expect them to understand your differences, tell them what you want and need

Everyone should try to avoid doing this to their partner, but I asked Bryam, which one he wanted me to avoid doing the most, and it turns out that it’s the hesitant romantic. and hey, Guess maybe I know Bryan more than he knows himself after all.  

So apparently, 

YOUR LOVE STYLE is made up of two categories, your attachment style and your expressiveness level.

None of the seven love styles is better than the other, however, each of the love styles has unique traits, strengths, needs/wants and blind spots.

SECURE

Confident Hero = High Expressive (Maybe Bteh)

Reserved Playmate = Low Expressive

ISOLATED

Renaissance Lover = High Expressive

Hesitant Romantic = Low Expressive (Maybe Bteh)

NERVOUS

Expressive Giver = High Expressive

Loyal Supporter = Low Expressive (Me)

CONFUSED

Wounded Warrior

But from what I know, both me and Bryan are like pretty low expressive so I’m pretty sure that Bryan is a hesitant lover. The fact that he got confident Hero from the survey and don’t feel or relate as much as hesitant lover shows that maybe he lied like not really lie but like yeah like clicked the answers not consciously ok idk how to say but I think everyone gets it. 

Then after this whole secure in love thing, i decided to just ask him some questions I saw asked on The Lie Detective. Anyways, Lie Detective is like great I get to see the scums of earth and the loveliest human being ever. But idk a lot of westerners cheat?????? like why bruh. So anyways, a few questions from the lie detective were like, what is normally the cause of what makes you hard the fastest. Is it like real life sex, or porn, or just dirty thoughts. A lot of people truthfully said that it’s the dirty thoughts that gets them the hardest fastest and B said the same do he is prolly telling the truth. and tbh, dirty thoughts prolly get me turn on the fastest too idk lmao. 

14th

Today is a Friday, there’s training and it’s gonna be a tiring day. Nothing much happened today. Except that Bryan didn’t want to go for training but I still had to go becuz I had to kinda train up for PA. So after class, I just walked with Bryan to yck mrt and yayyyyy. I don’t spend as much time with him as much as a few months ago so I gotta treasure every sec with him, but lmao if I’m like alr sad now then army how. ok but, by the time he has army ill get used to it slowly. But yeah, after training I was tired. I showered, blew dry my hair and like went on the internet for awhile and I decided to sleep.

15th

So I woke up a t 1030 as usual and like ate breakfast/lunch and when i came back home it was 1230 and he replied he ate lunch/breakfast too and so like Bryan is asleep now.

Anyways, he sent me “dont doubt me” after seeing my tweet,  I cried, and I was like just really touched, cuz with that small phrase he said it makes me have so much faith and trust in him immediately. yes, this is exactly what I want. you telling me things, give me validation, every single time. I’m so sorry you have to date such a difficult girl.

Anyways, there was an update, but nothing much happened, so I’m pretty pleased and happy. I’m starting to get impatient cuz I really want something to happen, but if it does, that means it’s bad news and I don’t want that. so I should be glad :)))

CPES test next Tuesday I should get on with studying soon. I’m craving chocolates and its been really long since I ate chocs and I hope I can eat one bar soon :’)

ANYWAYS THIS IS IMPORTANT.

OH YA AND I WANT TO GO WILD WILD WET WITH BRYAN BY AUGUST 31ST. TIME TO SAVE MONEY CANDICE. AND YES CANDICE, ITS TIME TO BUY CONTACTS. YOUR CONTACTS RUNNING OUT OF TIME.

-SAVE $13 FOR WILD WILD WET (ITS $26 BUT I GOT 1 FOR 1 VOUCHER)

-SAVE $12 FRO 2 PAIR OR LUXURY BABE LENS.

- SAVE $40 TO PAY BRIAN SIR FOR PA

- SAVE $10 TO RETURN TO BRYAN BBY