Itâs officialâŠIâve gone insane but itâs all their fault for being such insanely talented actors who gave so much nuance to their performances
I hadnât given this moment in âCrushâ the attention it deserves but the reason itâs so important is this is the first time Buffy lays eyes on Spike after Dawn tells her Spike is completely in love with her and Spike is literally at her house charming her family and planning to ask her out on their first date NOT date aka the biggest and boldest move he has made in an attempt to move them from enemies to lovers
And heâs got his terrified deer in headlights look he gets every time he first sees her unexpectedly đ
and itâs SO CUTE because he is so terrified and he knows this is lunacy and the idea of them is insane and makes no sense but still in his heart of hearts he is a brave, vulnerable romantic. Shooting his shot just like he did with Cecily because âfellaâs gotta tryâ compared to Angel who stalked her for over a YEAR before introducing himself and was the most wishy-washy, bread crumbing mother fucker when it came to actually being with her and Riley who had to be told he liked her and then had to get a bunch of help from Willow before he even made a move. Riley and Angel are genuinely both cowards who want to play the hero but never truly had the courage to do so which is why they always infantilized and shamed/guilted Buffy into being smaller to make them feel bigger which is the CORE of why Spike is literally the only one of all of Buffyâs romantic interests worthy of her because of his bravery, despite knowing with the utmost certainty he will fail and get hurt over and over again, that doesnât stop him from trying anyway. Heâs the only one brave enough and tbh crazy enough to love Buffy Summers in the ways she both needs and deserves.
And I SWEAR the softness in her gaze and overall demeanor of dazed bewilderment and considering what sheâs seeing in front of her just gives off this vibe to me that a part of her really likes the scene sheâs walked into, the part of her Dawn represents thatâs considering, again (but now with new light because I think sheâs already considered it after âSomething Blueâ) what her life would be like if she dated Spike. Itâs this TINY MOMENT of her girlhood that still exists under her slayer armor shining through - sheâs seeing her (forbidden) crush after finding out sheâs his (forbidden) crush too and heâs in her kitchen!! Making an effort with her family and heâs so CUTE and laughing and she basically classic Buffy swoons over a cute boy for just a second before her armor is back on and itâs actually too much for me
AND SPIKE uggghh đ he shifts sitting up taller like his inner William standing up when his lady walks in combined with his punk persona that meets every challenge head on but always with a bit of attitude and swagger. Already ready for the battle that is William the Bloody trying to love The Slayer.
This tiny moment of unspoken communication and body language perfectly encompasses what they both bring out in and give to each other and Iâm obsessed. Spike brings out the abandoned young girl who is soft and vulnerable and just needs love and support and Buffy gives our brave, big-hearted, protective warrior looking for his place of belonging and people finally worthy of his love that he can care for and protect.
Am I insane for writing all of this about a 2 second clip? Yes, yes I am but this moment is IMPORTANT and it happens so quickly yet it contains so much and completely backs up what I already knew about this episode which was that the only reason Buffy was making such a big deal about Spike being in love with her is because sheâs VERY attracted to him but that was so much easier to ignore before she knew the feelings were reciprocated. If she didnât care about Spike she wouldnât care about his feelings because they would be of no consequence to her but nowâŠ. her crush on her mortal enemy thatâs killed two slayers wasnât a big deal because it was literally never gonna happenâŠâŠ suddenly could happen and she was SO unprepared for how to handle all of that and so overcompensating the entire episode and beyond đčđčđč because also itâs been well established how perceptive Spike is about how people are doing and what theyâre feeling so when he says he knows there is something between them heâs not being delusional he is right on the money which freaks her out even more because how could he know about something she didnât know about herself AGAIN đč