#if you're talking to someone who works in natural resources the number of times u can say incredible increases by a factor of at least 10 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

its-toasted · 2 years

Text

A 20XX brick about everything

I ripped out the pit and she posted a picture of tacos. Just kidding. Like that did happen, but it's not representative of anything, except the culture at the time. Like I'd like a medley stream of pictures while I'm crying, that would help, yes. Yes it would. I heart this post, and I know my mutual feels me, in all this fullness, u, across the universe with blanket and hot drank, for me? Fuck, I'm touched. Just lock up my energy into a bar then it's bearable, otherwise I'm a bit lopsided.

I guess I'm always lopsided to you. Normally if we talk -- you and I, not the her-you, which I do sometimes, but the you-you, yes, your faceass, that is correct, I am clairvoyant. Uh I guess normally I would let you know what stage of life I'm in. Just off the strength of setting or scene or something childish and unmistakable. But this time I think it just works better this way.

There was this chick, and it was real and we were the best. That was a test, and I don't know if you failed it but I judge you accordingly. It was an old iconic tumblr photo from back in the day, so if you're not up on that you've been respectfully weeded out. Another gem went like -- Caroline, you are my working week my sunday rest, blah blah blah and sunday best, north east south west bitch, chiseled into the tree bark. That can't be right. This place is for saps. This place has always been a part of me, I do have tacit love for that, being of here, much as the XXX, or xxco, or college park, or home court, or a dark night on the road. I've been posting bad music here since 2011 man, and 11's my favorite number, so preeetty sure it's my year. It early

This place is origin, like I grew up reading books and playing ball and falling in love until what, about 21. And coming back to dream here, even after years. What was real before the page, before I was 14 and thinking in song and synonym and sheet music? Or when I first saw Miles Hodges and Andrea Gibson and Mac Miller flutter with a pen. This box is a makeshift sanctuary for me, it often has been. I have a theory you get ghost-banned because you saved way too much shit in drafts, or are otherwise just a stupid large load on staff resources, but if you ask nicely enough they may pity you. They roll a die. May will be here in 3 weeks, and that means there's only 5 months until Cam's wedding, and I'm worried I won't fit. Nah that's clown talk. We just booked tickets to Colorado, the one time I went it was May too.

Do you know the odds of being for someone? I think about so much in odds, maybe that's from being naturally smooth with the math as with english as a yung back in the day u know me. Uh or scrolling on maplestory, or playing what are the odds with Cam in pews and halls and terminals and drive thrus, and having to put my tongue on some unpleasant fucking shit. I'm not great at math anymore, but still very good at the basics. And estimation, that's what I mean, I never want to know the truth. I'd like to guess and then be moved, you feel me. No you don't, since that sounds dumb, but it's true. I'd love to learn so much that I'm a burden, because I was always really good then.

With this girl, lol I've built up this anticipation like charging the sun, and for what huh. Here it is, and it's the same as per uje. How I crave more than anyone is able to give, because I chase loving that needs me to be more than I am, and I can't be, so you see it's a stand-still. She was so different, and it still wasn't different with her. If I'm not drawn out of the bad parts of me it won't last. I've been a lot of boys, like cold and loud and proud and hard, but none of those are nature. I guess the second likely was. And the first is becoming, I hate that. I won't say there's a better way but I do fight it, though. I do see why most end up with another from home, who else could know you

#personal #was trying a thing but busted

18 notes · View notes

illnessfaker · 3 years

Note

do you have any resources on OSDD? like more in depth than just the diagnostic criteria, i'm very familiar with those, i guess more...people talking abt what it feels like? I have cptsd and I've been noticing things very similar to what you described in your post for a long time now. I thought I had DID for sure a while ago, but I was also actively manic/psychotic, so when that calmed down I assumed I had just been delusional. But the identity disturbances and dissociation persist. I don't think it's DID now it's osdd if it's anything but I'm wary of saying that for sure and rly would like some i guess more descriptive accounts of how symptoms are for someone with it. Sorry if this is a lot/you don't have anything of that nature, I'm glad to hear you're figuring out your own multiplicity and hope the understanding helps you in your healing process!

firstly, thank you for your kind words 😊

@/this-is-not-dissociative has a lot of info about did/osdd-1 (and other dissociative stuff) as well as having did/osdd-1 vs. dissociation in bpd/cptsd - though it's possible to have did/osdd-1 and bpd/cptsd of course - and did-research.org talks about osdd-1 a little bit (especially vs. having full-blown did). these are probably the best resources i can point you towards even though they don't contain many personal accounts. the first blog is staunchly against self-dx iirc and there's a lot of "you should speak to a professional about this" but u know how it is (at the very least they provide a lot of info and resources on how to go about doing that, it seems.)

some posts in particular that may be informative/helpful to you (there are probably many reasons to dislike this blog but it's what i've found most informative so yeah):

anp and ep, + an explanation of structural dissociation and how it models ptsd, cptsd, bpd, osdd-1, and did.

anp and avoiding trauma

an example of did vs. osdd-1

parts in bpd/cptsd vs. osdd-1

parts in cptsd vs. osdd-1 (this mod "kevin" has osdd-1, by the way)

parts vs. fragments vs. alters

alters not being easy to recognize

identity confusion vs. identity alteration

( read-more bc this got long despite it being past my bedtime lmao )

the problem w personal accounts of stuff and did/osdd-1 is presentations of these diagnoes will differ from person to person, sometimes greatly. contrary to media depiction they're also covert disorders by nature - they're psychological coping mechanisms for intense distress, and part of those coping mechanisms is being ignorant to the fact that your sense of self is fragmented / there are parts of your sense of self that are attached to trauma. i know of several folks who were initially diagnosed with osdd-1 but then later re-diagnosed as having did because the severity of their situation was very effectively hidden from them by this dissociation.

( another problem is that ppl are flawed and can give bad/wrong info on how stuff works or trends can give the wrong impression and unfortunately that's very common w did/osdd-1 spaces online. e.g. u don't have to know the name, age, etc. or know who's "fronting" or whatever with elaborate tagging systems and pages on ur blog with said info abt ur parts or "alters" to have did/osdd-1. worrying abt that stuff too much can worsen dissociation. )

it's not common for someone to have did/osdd-1 and for it to be obvious to themselves or others (who don't know what to look for, that is). this is why no small number of folks with did/osdd-1 are seemingly well-functioning on the outside since different dissociated parts often serve "everyday life" purposes such as going to work/school and these parts are the ones disconnected from traumatic "materials" as they're called. part of the reason why i'm wanting to conceptualize my experiences as osdd-1 is due to the fact that my default state (the "host"?) is emotionally dissociated from my trauma - i know it happened, but it seemed like it happened to "this body" rather than "me" and i don't feel anything about it until i get triggered. "apparently normal parts" that handle everyday life are usually trauma-avoidant or separated from the trauma like this in some way.

that being said, i'm still not totally sure if i qualify for an osdd-1 diagnosis or not tbqh. my situation is most like the "some individuals with OSDD-1 lack both amnesia and highly distinct parts" mentioned in the page i above linked (but yesterday and this morning/afternoon i was convinced i did - go figure). i'd been researching did/osdd-1 for a while (not necessarily because i thought it was what i was experiencing) which is part of what helped me come to terms with having experienced dissociation for a long time, and i thought up until like...the other day i definitely didn't have it. i came to believe i had some weird bpd/cptsd/szpd-like situation where emotional states had been "locked away" in boxes that i rarely touched as a defense mechanism against psychological distress. i also had a metaphor for my "emotional part(s)" as it/them being like, (a) ghost(s) that follow me around and aren't evil but occasionally "wrap their hands around my throat" to remind me that they're there.

then i saw someone w an osdd-1 diagnosis talk abt how they have parts whose "job" is to "feel sadness for them" as a defense mechanism against that kinda distress and then i was like...huh. and then i thought about how seeing my parents again felt kinda weird and distant. and that's kinda what tipped me off, despite having a pretty unstable sense of self and dissociation issues for a while. the "seeing my parents" thing is somewhat more major, because it felt different from my "default setting." thinking about it is uncomfortable and weird.

ur gonna have to do a lot of reading, tbh, and doing it in moderation is probably a good idea since thinking too much abt dissociation can trigger it. another thing is that conceptualizing yourself as having did/osdd-1 when you don't actually have that experience can worsen dissociation/identity issues as well so u gotta be careful abt how u approach it. but at the same time, cptsd and did/osdd-1 have mostly the same treatment methods anyway (and technically u gotta have cptsd to have did/osdd-1, not as like a diagnostic requirement really but a "you have to be traumatized from long-term traumatic experiences at a young age" sense) so many resources abt did/osdd-1 may be helpful to u regardless of whether you "have" them or not.

i can't tell u how to differentiate between symptoms of psychosis and did/osdd-1 (the blog i mentioned may have posts about that topic - there's two in their master-posts but neither were particularly helpful i don't think) since afaik i'm not psychotic but i wish you luck!

#no reblogs -#asks #Anonymous #resources

6 notes · View notes