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#ik i was feeling like shit at the time and honestly thought i'd done something bad with my art but it still sucks
paleiido · 2 years
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🎣
I don't even know where to begin 💆‍♂️ Talking to myself to untangle thoughts.
I still feel like shit everyday and weekly because of school, and the only reason why I was feeling better this past week is bc of my lil breakdown was much needed (lol) and that I had one day of class the week after, so it left me time to actually catch up (however badly that might have been done) and even some free time (that I horribly misused but.!) And idk. Ig some stupidly optimistic part of me thought that I would be fine after that. That it'd be like before, that I would at least enjoy a Little Bit of Something but uhhhh by my need to cry sure ain't the case ❤️ Peace and love to my brain but 🔨
And it's like maybe I'm just fucking lazy and I don't want to be working *right now* yk. Genuinely cannot tell. Cuz yeah there's plenty of stuff I'd rather be doing but it's never been that much of an issue before, like always did my work on time and shit
So then it's like is it just cuz I have to deal with my future after?? And i AM afraid of dealing with that, whatever that may be. And like ik in our society it'd b a wonder to be doing something I enjoy, I'd b rlly lucky . But honestly i don't like what I'm doing rn, at all. I dont even enjoy learning abt it, but I'm also aware i lack any kind of talent in anything else, like. I've never been good at anything else and this is just my lifeline but its fucking killing me on god. I'm just continuing because sunkcost falacy, my mom and the fact it'll probably give me a better chance to find a job o)-<
Its just like idk. Lol!!! Maybe I'm too quick to give up and i AM trying to persist bc i have nothing else but i dont even have *this* rn . And that's without thinking about the debt I have (which reinforce my need for a job)
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cmterygrl · 6 months
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ghost nsfw hcs
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a/n: rqed by anon <3 srry it took actual months to answer who knows if u will even see this now 😭
general thoughts:
- loves lightly pressing down on your lower stomach to feel how deep he is. he'll make some comment about how well you take him – whether he says this as praise or degradation.. who knows.
- eye contact is Huge with him – in and outside the bedroom. likes it even more if it makes you flustered, and will use it against you. doesnt like it when you turn away from him, will hold your face and make you look at him when you cum. if hes in a really dominant mood, he Will punish you for breaking eye contact.
- i feel like he likes to use sex as a stress reliever But that doesnt mean he cant be passionate !! theres times where all he wants is to be close to you and please you, in which case he'll be trailing gentle kisses down your body and his hands will gently hold you, movements nice and slow and loving - he'll mumble soft praises and likes to kiss you deeply while you come.
- also really into dirty talk. of course if it's all okay with you, which he will make sure of first, his mouth is filthy. he'll mix in some praise but in such a condescending voice it's basically degrading. dirty talk and some low grunts and breaths is basically all the noise he makes in bed, he's definitely not dead silent but isn't very vocal otherwise.
kinks + positions:
- i've seen a lot of hcs for ghost where hes like super kinky and into hardcore shit but honestly … i feel like hes rather vanilla 🥸 . like the kinks that he does have aren't super intense and he isn't super into bdsm, not on him at least.
- i don't think he'll mind physically restricting his partner but because of his trauma and everything i dont think he'll like it being done on himself. at most he'll hold ur wrists above ur head with one of his hands or maybe use his belt or something. he just doesn't like it being too restrictive and wants to let you go as fast as possible if/when you say the safe word.
- any position where he can make eye contact with you and see ur pretty face is his favorite tbh. i would say he's into classic missionary and likes to have ur leg thrown over his shoulder so he can reach a little deeper. (also mating press is a close second in his top favorites)
- cowgirl is usually reserved for when he's tired and just wants to admire you on top of him. he loves the sight and its one of the few times he would 'give up' control. his hands would still be on your hips, guiding your movements while praise spills from his lips, encouraging you to keep going even when your thighs start to burn and is quick to say how proud of you he is when you ultimately tap out and get too tired.
xtra:
- ik i've said everyone was big for my past two nsfw hcs but … ghost has bde idk what u want me to do abt it 🤷‍♂️ i'd say a little over 6in and definitely thick, some prominent veins and a flushed tip 🫢.
- happy trail !! i feel like unless u mention it, he doesn't trim his hair that often. he doesn't have much to begin with but for the most part just lets it do its thing as usually he doesnt have time or just forgets to shave. not that he doesn't trim at all but it takes a while to grow back so he doesn't worry about it until he notices.
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mallowstep · 3 years
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(Reedwhisker anon)
The Erin's don't say and Reedwhisker is made an apprentice around the same time Ashfur and Ferncloud were, thereabouts I'd expect. (Both Brindleface and Mistyfoot were pregnant at the same time. I think Brindle's litter is a moon or 2 older though. Idk.) But he has been through ALOT. When I realized Mistyfoot didn't mention her kits in Canon I assumed those whose bones were mixed in with Bonehill, but then I noticed Reedwhisker in TNP and investigated him, found out he was Reedpaw, Misty's kit, and had the same thoughts you did. Mistyfoot, who wouldn't stop training Featherpaw even though she, too, was starved? Mistyfoot who watched her brother die but kept on going for Stormpaw and Featherpaw? Like...forget her own son in Canon? Like she would have told Grey and Fire to take Feather and Storm and she'd have gone back for her son. Her only surviving kit. She made him her fucking deputy, a mother's love is literally the MOST painful life a leader receives. In Misty AU, there is no Choice. It sucks, it's fucking painful, but Featherpaw is dying and they need to get out. But I can also see Reedpaw being the one of the few cats desensitized to EVERYTHING when Tigerstar loses all his nine lives? Man, I can even see him say "Oh...so this has happened now too. Can anything else get more fucked up?" Especially in Leopard AU. He's. Well in that one, he's seen and heard some shit. Now a leader's had all nine lives ripped from them with one blow and all clans have three days to get the fuck out or else? And Shadowclan just...flees back to their territory after trashing Riverclan's, their leader and medicine cat aren't talking (not that he can blame Leopardstar, he hates Mudfur too, by now.) He doesn't have a mentor anymore. (Not that Blackfoot really was one.) And he still hasn't seen his mother, or Feather, or Storm. But yay, his dad can actually treat him like he's his son again? So...that's something, I guess. Misty AU, after the Bloodclan battle, finding out his mom's pregnant with that monster's kits, like Twanypaw wasn't enough of a reminder. Tbh, I think he'd honestly have some beef with Twany. "You willingly gave up your mom, who loves you, and your brother, who also loves you and joined a fucking monster? Are you for real right now?" (In either AU, this warrior WOULD definitely have interrupted the Gathering once Blackstar announced Twanypelt's kits names. "You're letting her settle an innocent with that name, giving THAT Monster a fucking Legacy, and burdening her son with THE SAME SHIT SHE LEFT THUNDERCLAN FOR SHADOWCLAN FOR? ARE YOU FOR FUCKING REAL? BECAUSE THERE NEEDS TO BE A GOOD TIGER-WHATEVER THE FUCK? SHE'S A FUCKING SHITTY QUEEN, AND YOU'RE A SHITTY LEADER, BLACKSTAR.") Just...Reedpaw telling Stone or Misty everything he saw and heard that night Feathervand her escaped, Leopardstar's first death, how she struggled against Tigerstar and "he just held her head in the river and looked at her like she was a kit he was chastising." He shakes as he says this, choking on the last words, and Mudfur has to bring him poppy seeds to help him sleep that night. He gives me feels. In Canon he survives Tigerclan, Bloodclan, the destruction of the forest, the journey to the lake, the Great Battle, and now this whole no Starclan thing. If there was ever someone who needed therapy it's him...and I can't really see Reedwhisker being the type to think Misty didn't love him. He knows he was relatively safe compared to Feather and Storm, and...tbh I think he'd tell Misty she made the right choice. And I think that would probably break Mistyfoot's heart more in all three AUs then anything else. Feather's, too. (She's too kind, I swear.)
/nm but for the future if y'all don't mind trying to include some paragraph breaks for your local adhder that would be Appreciated. ik on the old ask box it's not possible but. if you're using the new one i really struggle with text walls. (it's ironic bc i tend to write them but.)
okay. gonna do sentence my sentence thing.
The Erin's don't say and Reedwhisker is made an apprentice around the same time Ashfur and Ferncloud were, thereabouts I'd expect.
(Both Brindleface and Mistyfoot were pregnant at the same time. I think Brindle's litter is a moon or 2 older though. Idk.)
But he has been through ALOT.
When I realized Mistyfoot didn't mention her kits in Canon I assumed those whose bones were mixed in with Bonehill, but then I noticed Reedwhisker in TNP and investigated him, found out he was Reedpaw, Misty's kit, and had the same thoughts you did.
Mistyfoot, who wouldn't stop training Featherpaw even though she, too, was starved?
Mistyfoot who watched her brother die but kept on going for Stormpaw and Featherpaw?
Like...forget her own son in Canon?
Like she would have told Grey and Fire to take Feather and Storm and she'd have gone back for her son. Her only surviving kit.
She made him her fucking deputy, a mother's love is literally the MOST painful life a leader receives.
In Misty AU, there is no Choice. It sucks, it's fucking painful, but Featherpaw is dying and they need to get out.
But I can also see Reedpaw being the one of the few cats desensitized to EVERYTHING when Tigerstar loses all his nine lives?
Man, I can even see him say "Oh...so this has happened now too. Can anything else get more fucked up?"
Especially in Leopard AU.
He's.
Well in that one, he's seen and heard some shit.
Now a leader's had all nine lives ripped from them with one blow and all clans have three days to get the fuck out or else?
And Shadowclan just...flees back to their territory after trashing Riverclan's, their leader and medicine cat aren't talking (not that he can blame Leopardstar, he hates Mudfur too, by now.)
He doesn't have a mentor anymore.
(Not that Blackfoot really was one.)
And he still hasn't seen his mother, or Feather, or Storm.
But yay, his dad can actually treat him like he's his son again?
So...that's something, I guess.
Misty AU, after the Bloodclan battle, finding out his mom's pregnant with that monster's kits, like Twanypaw wasn't enough of a reminder.
Tbh, I think he'd honestly have some beef with Twany.
"You willingly gave up your mom, who loves you, and your brother, who also loves you and joined a fucking monster? Are you for real right now?"
(In either AU, this warrior WOULD definitely have interrupted the Gathering once Blackstar announced Twanypelt's kits names.
"You're letting her settle an innocent with that name, giving THAT Monster a fucking Legacy, and burdening her son with THE SAME SHIT SHE LEFT THUNDERCLAN FOR SHADOWCLAN FOR? ARE YOU FOR FUCKING REAL?
BECAUSE THERE NEEDS TO BE A GOOD TIGER-WHATEVER THE FUCK?
SHE'S A FUCKING SHITTY QUEEN, AND YOU'RE A SHITTY LEADER, BLACKSTAR.")
Just...Reedpaw telling Stone or Misty everything he saw and heard that night Feathervand her escaped, Leopardstar's first death, how she struggled against Tigerstar and "he just held her head in the river and looked at her like she was a kit he was chastising."
He shakes as he says this, choking on the last words, and Mudfur has to bring him poppy seeds to help him sleep that night. He gives me feels.
In Canon he survives Tigerclan, Bloodclan, the destruction of the forest, the journey to the lake, the Great Battle, and now this whole no Starclan thing.
If there was ever someone who needed therapy it's him...and I can't really see Reedwhisker being the type to think Misty didn't love him.
He knows he was relatively safe compared to Feather and Storm, and...tbh I think he'd tell Misty she made the right choice.
And I think that would probably break Mistyfoot's heart more in all three AUs then anything else.
Feather's, too. (She's too kind, I swear.)
okay cool let's start at the top. i love u anon just want u to know. everything u send me about this makes me feel so many things. my beloved. <3
re reedwhisker's age: unless/until i get a confirmation that he was apprenticed, etc., on page, or an erin statement about it, i'm maintaining my position. he doesn't show up in asir which you would 100% expect him to, and asir was published june 2020, which means reedwhisker as mistystar's surviving kit was known, which means that i really don't think he was born yet. like i really, really, really think that someone mistakenly went, "well, mistyfoot had a litter in tpb, so reedwhisker was a part of that litter," and we've all just been operating under that assumption.
(open to changing that opinion on evidence. i just need a source -- an erin statement, author chat, blogclan, a book, w/e, just something that will confirm when reedwhisker was actually born.)
because like -- ferncloud is nearly a year older than the bramble, storm, primrose, etc., so i don't know. there's no good timeline. reedwhisker appears as a fully grown warrior in twilight. so. heck if i know.
like there's no way mistyfoot would leave him behind? there's no way he wouldn't want to reunite with stormfur and feathertail and his mom? like he would be in asir, right? i'm not crazy? of all cats?
scream.
but moving on from my open anger re. the reedpaw problem;
i mean -- to be clear, mistyfoot and featherpaw are in riverclan from the beginning of tigerclan to the end in the misty au. no escapes are made. so even if reedpaw was alive, they're there. unlike the other aus, the misty au is Defined by yours truly because i'm actually writing it. so none of that angst, just the -- pain of watching the fall.
hnng.
and yeah he's just. so done and over everything.
and oh my god like -- he thinks he's Very alone in the leopard au. because he doesn't -- oh my god. and when they show up in riverclan again it's great but also -- he's been alone witnessing all of this Shit holy god i swear.
mistyfoot is...not Really visibly pregnant until after tigerclan, and he wouldn't be close enough to smell it, so yeah -- he'd still be surprised. or maybe. not surprised so much as. argh. you know like. he doesn't want to face it.
i like the idea of him having this very complex but entirely one-sided relationship to tawny. like, they went through some pretty similar stuff, but she chose it, and embraced it, and that's. you know. and she doesn't really think of him because she doesn't Know that like. mistyfoot is his mom.
and yes more people calling out tawnypelt's terrible naming decisions. i mean i love the angst it gives me for writing purposes and tigerheart is my favourite husband in warriors (he's so in love with his wife i love him for that), but yeah. what.
and oh my god like -- he would be the one to explain things. because -- i mean because he's scared and alone and is the only one who saw this and hasn't been able to say anything and he finally sees his family and Safe and. they're all watching him like "oh shit how the fuck did it get worse after we left" and oh-
all of these cats need therapy.
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[ID: text that reads "5. Hawkwing and Frecklewish invent therapy." /end ID]
(a chapter title from "Heathertail's School for Attractive, Murderous She-Cats")
and yes. yes yes he would. i bet mistyfoot would apologize and he would be like -
no, why are you apologizing? i was safe, you weren't
and he wasn't really safe but seeing him just -- seeing how he just has this. i dunno how to say it. but when mistyfoot sees him and how's he's just had to grapple with this and oh.
she would be so upset.
<3
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