#im reflecting so much here can you tell hhhhh

[the-kipsabian]

9, 11, 13 and 17 headcanons for Asagao!Mads??

General physical contact headcanonhonestly mads isnt. the biggest fan of physical contact with people? especially if its with someone she doesnt know too well, or she has to participate in any kind of ‘trust’ experiment cause she just. doesnt tbh lolbut if youre friends with her? you get a shit ton of hugs. she’ll hung up on your arm, hold hands while you walk, high fives are a thing she also enjoys very much tbh. PIGGYBACK RIDES. ..which she ofc cant really give to anyone cause shes a smol, but if she asks you for one you better be sure that shes very comfortable around you and likes you a lot oops

Wardrobe headcanonALRIGHTALRIGHTALRIGHTALRIGHT. so first of all, pajama pants and shorts all day long. if its cold, its usually pajama pants, if its warmer its shorts and knee high socks. and she has waaaaay too many pair of knee high socks. in multiple designs, including but not limited to legend of zilda, space themed, foxes, rainbow striped, multiple single colored ones that she just wears mixing and matching cause thats just how she rolls. shorts come in both jean style for warm days and as sleepwear, for colder days its skinny jeans in any different colors you can think of (spoilers her favorite pair is blue skinny jeans that make her butt look just gr8). skirts dont really exist in her wardrobe outside of the school uniform tbhand thEN. NERD SHIRTS. literally take any piece of media that she likes, and she probably has a shirt of it. legend of zilda? check. animal intersection? check. nokemon? DOUBLE CHECK. and so forth. like she has at least one shirt for every game, show, movie, musical artist, what have you that she enjoys(and she doesnt really have a lot of them personally, but she likes to steal them from the bois and they end up in her closet that way, but oversized hoodies. and just in general oversized boyfriend’s shirts cause thats her jam tbh)

Nickname headcanonmads is. really bad at nicknames lol. if she gives you a nickname, its usually just some really easy twist from your actual name. shes much more used to calling people by their actual names and just saying them really weirdly (think like stretching or putting emphasis on certain letters, or just in general. yelling their name out loud whenever she sees them lol), unless people have a nickname someone else/they themselves are already using. like she’ll call jimmy jimbo cause everyone else does that, for example

Soft spot headcanontheres three really easy ways into her heart tbh1. cats. bright her a stray or give her anything with a cat print (this also works with foxes tho!), and shes probably gonna cry cause she loves you so much for that2. chocolate. anything with chocolate. you bring that to her, shes also probably gonna cry3. literally anything you can say about her writing. SHE WILL CRY. it doesnt matter what it is, if its as much as you say that you’d like to read it, she will cry cause its just really important to heralso im high key super sure im interpreting this wrong but i dont care i wanna share these ways to make mads cry either way LOL

send me character headcanons!

#asagao!mads #im reflecting so much here can you tell hhhhh #but i mean. she IS a SELFinsert after all so like #that should be obvious lmao #anyways yeah have some more headcanons for this nerd #if you need me to elaborate on anything just drop me a line! #i'd be more than happy to i love rambling about this girl way too much hhhhh #shinrijeu #thank you for asking! <3

[cockbiteproductions]

6 and 9

nice

6. Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you?

I thought a lot about this question and I’ve narrowed it down to 3 answers which are posted here in experienced order:

Daredevil 1x10 Nelson v. Murdock - i rewatched all of daredevil with my roommate during the quarantine part of the spring semester and had a blast. foggy finds out matt’s secret (being a superhero, his super senses). the Betrayal of it all. the way they show them ugly crying instead of like letting out a single man tear. fuck. “then again, maybe i would. what the hell do i know about matt murdock?” the cutting back and forth between their present day fallout and their meeting and developing friendship. it’s SOOO much it’s like Specifically Crafted for maximum pain and i eat it right up. foggy: are u even really blind? the show: *immediately cuts to a flashback of them meeting and foggy learning that matt is blind* foggy: was anything ever real between us? the show: *cuts to the two of them thick as thieves and making plans to form their law firm together and matt almost revealing his secret*. matt: this city needs me in that mask, foggy. foggy: maybe you’re right. maybe it does. but i don’t. i only ever needed my friend. the show: *cuts to them starting their law firm together.* also the scene where ben is in the hospital with his wife and we see her forget him on screen. ouch. a lot happens in this episode but tbh i just focus on the Friendship Falling Out. it reads even better if you think they’re in love with each other, as i obviously do. man daredevil Hurts.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars 7x12 Victory and Death (series finale) - the panic in rex and ahsoka as they have to get off this LITERAL sinking ship filled with enemies that used to be their brothers, who had just within the week painted their armor, one of the few things they can customize to express themselves, to resemble her, who they know would never willingly turn against them, and a fucking wackjob killer wildcard. the growing tension and cornering is fantastic. when ahsoka takes off rex’s helmet and he cries because he’s facing killing his brothers. the cute droid squad. i’m always a sucker for non-humans. the fact that they had special orders to kill ahsoka, who was no longer a jedi, from palpatine, meaning he thought she was a threat still and she IS. she’s up there with obi-wan in terms of attachments anakin has. the action is truly epic (though i do have to say the maul ahsoka fight was better). the fact that ahsoka and rex didnt just leave the clones there and they dug graves for them. the shot of ahsoka in her cloak in front of all the helmets painted like her face on sticks will be burned into my brain forever. vader coming down to the planet himself much later and finding and igniting one of the sabers he as anakin LITERALLY remade for her. just the image of vader holding a blue lightsaber is going to be the death of me. a literal representation of who he was. it’s too much. it’s too much for me to deal with. i started crying as i was typing this. also when you look closely you can see his eyes through the helmet lens. it hurts man. (possibly) morai flying away as this happens. man, star wars can be good. 

Supernatural 6x20 The Man Who Would Be King - ok so i know the question said year but man has show really defined my like last two months. as for this eps specifically, im predictable is what this says. i like tragedy and unhappy endings. i like gay angel. i like self-aware narration. i like reflection. i like the moment before it all goes wrong. this episode is the literal point of no return for s6 cas and i want to scream. it’s like when anakin cuts off mace windu’s hand. “but cas, youll call right? if you get into real trouble?” “and the worst part was dean, trying so hard to be loyal.” “for a brief moment, i was myself again.” “wonders never cease, they trusted me again.” “of course, i didn’t realize it at the time, but it was all over, right then, just like that.” “the big lie, the winchesters still buy it. the good cas, the righteous cas, and long as they still believe it, you get to believe it.” “it sounds so simple when you say it like that. where were you when i needed to hear it? / i was there. where were you?” “you know the difference between you and me? i know what i am. what are you, castiel? what exactly are you willing to do?” “i believe it’s what you would call a... tragedy from the human perspective... i’m asking you, father, one last time. am i doing the right thing? am i on the right path? you have to tell me. you have to give me a sign, because if you don’t... i’m gonna do whatever i... whatever i must.” like are you kidding me. not to talk about star wars even more but like. when rots novel said “the blurred line between our best and our worst” hhhhh. this makes me crave a 150k fic from cas’ perspective in season 6 where we see all the terrible things he’s doing for his well intentioned plan and how he keeps digging himself in deeper and deeper until it’s too late. and if i had the skill and time i would write it. alas.

runner ups: billions 5x05 contract (the epic lows of hearing taylor say they wanted to fire winston, the epic highs of 4d chess theory. the shitpost memes i immediately made. did not make the list as i made it a requirement that i actually enjoy the content in my winners list). supernatural 15x18 despair (lost out to man who would be king because i Care Cas, but i will never get over cas going out the way he came into this show; calling dean OUT on his bullshit).

9. Best month for you this year?

bro who can even remember the months. ok i just looked at my calendar and i guess i’ll say may. i finished up my spring semester the week before. clone wars finale aired then and billions season 5 started airing which was a “fun” time. had a job. things were alright.

#not rt #teresa answers stuff #nothingunrealistic1

[hiraethstill]

THIS WEEK AND LAST WEEK ON DAIYA NO ACE (7/16 and 7/23)

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT!

7/16 LIVEBLOG:

IMMEDIATE assault by eijun's handsome face

and his DETERMINATION

every time the OP comes on im like where are the babies? THERE THEY ARE @ firsties

the way i GASPED

THIS IS HOW WE FELL IN LOVE WITH EIJUN I TELL YOU

haha poor audience member doesnt know sawamura is mostly good at swinging from the bunt stance

eijun... you have every right to be frustrated

ugh... the way he looks when he was a doormat to the ace... i feel this too much my chest hurts

"if i had pitched like furuya did today i wouldve been subbed out" TOO TRUE AND OUCH

HE HITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

THE BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGENDDD

AND JUST LOOK AT ASADA AND KUKI'S F A C E S

DOUBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

lmao did eijun learn to run bases from mochi? now i want this

uhhh the announcer was wrong? the STANDS were all cheering and happy, it was mostly the dugout that was surprised

bc this is level of trust he gets from first string sigh

sorry all my frustration is here

HAHA OKAY BUT why does this look gayalso sawamura's little "na!" with the pew pew is so cute wtf

his lil cheeky face in the corner im hashjdlkdgj

haruichi and toujou in that shot look like they'd been helping him practice batting and it paid off 

hslkhg eijun and his "hips!" i cant

KANEMARUUUUUUUUU

HELL YEAH TAKUMI NICE SHOULDER

nice eijun is safe

haha i never know who to root for bc i love all the bois

okay but

has anyone ever talked about how cool amahisa's eyes are???

i mean

look at this

so cool

yoooo wtf amahisa's voice in this part is really appealing??? damnn

so... kanemaru's a capable batter even if he's not top tier, why you gotta keep making him bunt

oh well, i like that face you're making kanemaru

noooooooooooo

it's okay kanemaru you did your best

cmon mochi bring him home!!!!!!!!!!

EIJUN ENOUGH WITH THE HIPS LMAO

yeah thats right mochi + other batters, give him the run support he deserves

AMAHISA THE DISASTER BI IM

"did he shave his eyebrows? he looks like a strong fighter" are you just checking him out

you'd want him to do those jump kicks amahisa

moon-face?????

omg i feel the tinglings... of a rarepair... amakura.....................

what was i saying about his EYES??

come the fuck ON dont leave eijun stranded on second!!!!!!

H

HHHHH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

MY BOISSSSSSSSSSS

SHOW ME YOUR FACEEE

(and u rite yall amahisa is yabai)

THERE BE YOUR FACEEEE

IM SO EMOTIONAL

AND HIS VOICE

FUCKLE

AND HIMSTDVEEE

whoaaa that slowmo pitching sequence!

HARUCCHIII

oh hello eijun upping the tempo and looking great doing it

wow this super HD sparkle miyuki

EIJUN IS BEAUTIFULLLL and lowkey this looks like the OP

ASADA AND KUKI MY SONS I WOULD DIE FOR YOUUUUUUUUUUUU

BEING SO EXCITED ABOUT THE CUTTER KAI AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I ALSO LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

HLKDHFS AURA

okay sun we gettin a lil cap happy

another pretty eijun shottttt

WHOA 3D BALL

3D SLOWMO BALL

N* H* TT * R

i feel like i jinxed him sorry eijun

also i LOVE when the stands yell OSH OSH OSH back

wow toujou's voice was. so cute??

noriiiii i love you so much and thank you

furuya silently reflecting huh?

YO WTF IN THE MANGA NORI'S CAP COVERS FURUYA'S NUMBER WTF ANIMATORS ITS ICONIC

awww theyre all patting him i wanna pat eijun too

NORIIIIII YOU ARE SO PRECIOUS

kanemaru's eyes are gray??

kousei-san.......... mayhaps i have.......... Feelings about this

"gureato" man tahara is great

HLJSKDFHKGSFJGKFHDGLDF BLONDE AMAHISA

THIS IS JUST FUELING MY AMAKURA LMAOOO

WHY IS BLONDE HAIR IN MIDDLE SCHOOL A RUNNING JOKE IN ANIME

kuramochi, amahisa, hyuuga from knb, alla dem yankees

oh my god is that suddenly shaved head amahisa still in first year he's so smol

wow kousei is so eccentric haha i love it

YESSS BRINGING BACK MANAKA-BOY

omg yakushi cameo!!

wow this is so pleasant to look at and idk why??

his eyeeesss

and this too omgg

I SEE NISHINO

omgggg are they who i think they are

YES THEY AREANIMATORS REALLY BE FEEDING ME TODAY

sorry mimei that was too much tension in a single glance not to be homoerotic

go shirasu-senpai!

wellll shit, rip zono and rip seidou

142 pitches???????? are they throwing out amahisa's arm imma fight

YO OKAY BUT DOES THIS MEAN INAJITSU VS ICHIDAI

"that wouldnt be any fun" uh you do realize you're talking about a person's physical health right audience member???

the. ace. is. not. the. only. player.

its okay this is the peanut gallery they dont matter in the long run

omg are the first years wearing their school uniform slacks

AWWWW TAKU OFFERED TO CARRY SAWAMURA'S BAG

taku always worried about everyone and sawamura looking rather nice actually

HLJSKFDHGD AMAHISA'S FACE LIGHTING UP AT EIJUN

omg was that a little bow eijun made at amahisa before moving on?

"something i want to ask you" are you boutta ask him out amahisa

im sorry i love eyes too much

and also! eijun getting the recognition he deserves!! buuuut from another team rip

cmon eijun he's trying to be nice tbh

lmao koushuu and shirakawa should meet... resting bitch face club 

"i've never seen kousei-san take interest in another pitcher" THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS TO UNPACK IN THIS STATEMENT

LMAO HE DID HE DID ASK FOR HIS LINE

my sonsssss

yes asada and kuki, be free! go move around!

asdkfh i just squee every time taku

and these lines on koushuu look so nice??

intense son

scremmm

he's so happy and fired up to see koushuu fired up im

wholeass Sons™

lmao koushuu getting mad for sawamura

my inexperience... yes kataoka

teito and inajitsu coaches lmao

500K rivals to fwb to lovers

ive always thought kunitomo's neck crack is so funny

UHHHHH CARLOSHIRA REALLY TOYING WITH MY HEART HERE

THIS IS NOT OKAY

IM NOT OKAY

mochi looking mighty fine in this shot

aw... ejun sitting alone....

just wanna say oda and kuroki very lesbian in the ED

preview

ooh mei batting

sawamura and furuya watching so intently!!

INUI KENGOOOOOO

aw... eijun turning to harucchi for support

oh man third years...

SUMMARY (7/16):

eijun DOUBLES!! 

rip seidou tho 

amahisa's eyes??? pretty??? 

ATTACC BY INAJITSU CAMEO 

taku offering to carry eijun's bag + serious senpai face 

careful amahisa your gay is showing 

koushuu mad on eijun's behalf lmao

inajitsu vs teito next!

7/23 LIVEBLOG:

ah yes, that tension-filled mimei look

CAN THEY STOP TESTING ME WITH CARLOSHIRA SCREENS

ooh this parallel of mei and mukai #1s

why does mei look so young at bat lmao

rather nice shot of mukai tbh

omg that tiny background akamatsu is adorable

WOW i love this shot

hell yeah mei kicking ass and taking names

boi... what you doin

KANETOU RIGHTS

kuraharu rights too!!

wow mochi's voice, never over it

BOI ARE THEY JUST SHOWING SHIPS LOOK AT MINORI

lookit mochi bein a good senpai

ooh eijun finally said no huh

mochi and harucchi look so concerned tbh i am too

mm and miyuki and furuya too huh

WHAT IS THIS BLEP STAHP

oowada always cracks me up lmao

esp when mine is so grave next to her

oh so mukai likes gambling? im not surprised lmaooo

INUI-SANNN I LOVE YOUUU

THE BOIIII

HE

H E

H I M S T

omg the way tetsu says carlos sounds all proud and im soft

PRETTY BOIS DOIN J O B S

GETTIN THAT BREAD

omg two RBIs too good job shirakawa!!!

omg im so glad mei encouraged itsuki

have i ever mentioned

inui x mukai RIGHTS

ESP THIS SEQUENCE OF MUKAI (AND INUI) PRACTICING

BOIIII

that toujou face... some toujou and mukai art i saw comes to mind

DAMN THE IMAGE WHEN INUI HITS IM WOW

also is carlos actually wearing his compression undershirt holy wow

he didnt used to at least

ANYWAY INUI DINGERRRRRRRRRRRRRR

HELL YAHHH

omg was that a little tiger next to inui SO CUTE

oh my god "mei-san mei-san" too cute

LMAO TOO LONG

MEI I SWEAR

yoo mei you okay there

SLOW MO BALL

okay why does he look so good please

OKAY WHY DOES HE LOOK SO GOOD PLEASE

do you know how many times i had to rewind for this screenshot

shirakawa also looks good frustrated fuckle

mei stop shakin off signs dammit

ooh nice akamatsu shot

seidou shares one (1) brain cell in this screen

much too short a game damn...

ive heard we were robbed of itsuki's blush??? cause hello i need catcher catcher goodness with him and inui

omg... they're literal children

SSLKDFHLSKDHGSSTOPPPPPPPPP

IM WEAK OKAY

I KNOW IT

I ACCEPT IT

HOW DAREMSTDVE

AND HIS V O I C E

WTFFFFFFFFFFFFF

hahaha anyway im just laughing at carlos being a momentary harada

"mei-san" !!!

mei x mukai... so chaotic

wow amahisa looks so nice???

lmao they really didnt HAVE to put harucchi in the bg when miyuki's talking to furuya but they DID

miyuki... looking at mei too long not to be homo there

eijun :c

oh man

that really hurt

the face of a SON tho

"so you are human after all" so many things i want to say about this

sawamura... doesn't seem to hold a grudge against furuya at all and honestly wow...

tho its def not furuya's fault i think thats a mark of him being pretty mature!

anyway im glad furuya wants to watch the video too

also nabe!!!!! i wonder how close eijun and nabe are and how many times eijun has bothered him for the videos haha

ochiai, a backup catcher... interesting

"he must overcome this on his own" do you know how many problems there are with this statement

yeah it wasnt fair

"for better or for worse" are you kidding

oh furusawa lmaoo

and nabe just patient over there

oh hello masayui and kanetou

anime fist clench

koushuu!!!

oh man miyuki introspection......... i know where this is going.........

appreciating sawamura's hard work and optimism!!!!!

HE IS READY DAMMIT

how many more times does he have to prove it to you

loveLY but also reused?

WOW IM EMOTIONAL ALL THESE MEMORIES...

ALSO THIS IS PRETTY DAMN GAY...

and the shadow of miyuki in the background... WOW

three months............. until the third years retire...........................................

im not okA Y............................

all the things this smile hides

preview

BOI YOU ALREADY PITCH THAT WELL

wow too many sons

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

BABY TAKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

AND BABY KOUSHUU

END CARD WITH MANAGERS AAA CUTE

SUMMARY (7/26):

mei kicking ass and taking names 

mukai and his fooken BLEP 

PRETTY INAJITSU BOIS DOIN JOBS 

INUI DINGERRR 

inui/mukai rights 

mei + mukai actual CHILDREN 

carloshira stop attaccing sun challenge f a iled 

eijun @ harucchi :c 

three months... 

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! 

#daiya spoilers #daiya no ace act ii #daiya no ace #inajitsu #teito #seidou

[commiemoth]

3, 6, 9, 10, 14, 15, 23, 24, 25, 30, 36, 51, 56, 64, 71, 78, 79, 80, 82, 83, 84, 97, 98

3- my eyes are green! I always think theyre leik an olive green but sometimes people say otherwise

6- shy, mirroring, romantic (not in the love way) , (also hopeless romantic in the love way but not hopeless anymore!! :3 )

9- i shop at uhhhhhhh the store? Leik i get most of my clothes from hot topic :/ i get most food from walmart, i shopped at h&m once for a really cool winter jacket! I get games sometime on steam but not often, i try not to buy much at all because its usually not my own money its my parents’ :P

10- my style currently is dark/cool colors, medium length hair, broken glasses and converse., My Ideal style tho is lunar/celestial colors (so still cool and dark but with star patterns, sigils and witchcraft (leik charms and necklaces and stuff), long flowy hair in a knot at the back with a long tuft falling to the right behind my ear, and also converseMy Maximum Ideal Self is a knight!! With either silver armor + deep blue cloth or black armor and cyan cloth! My weapons would be a twohanded longsword thats still slim but long in one hand and hex and sigil magic in the other!

14- id rather live as a traveler in space but if it has to be on earth then! Either denmark because i heard somewhere its the happiest country in the world or japan because it’s nature and landmarks are beautiful

15- i thinks snapchat’s filters need more custamization but! My favorite is the one that increases the cyan and red of pictures it makes everything look ghostly! Also the one that take out your nose and makes you look leik a hyperrealistic :0 face because hhhhh funny

23- i think dream date was part of the last ask set heres another Dream Date™ but more fantasy >:3c So ollie and i are in our spaceship flying around space lookin at stuff and after a while we get really homesick, so we jump to earth but before we get there we stop at the moon and get in our space suits and just gently float down to the surface and while we’re there we walk/hop around a bit while holding hands and just havin a good ol time, then we lie down in the moon dust and just take it all in for a while leik the stars and the earth and stuff, and we can see our home from there, then we turn to eachother and can see the reflection of the solar system in eachothers eyes and then:If Two Astronauts Kissed On The Moon Would That Be Gay Or Wat

24- i dont carry a wallet! If i have to bring money i just put it in the smaller of my pants pockets, and i try not to carry more than leik 50 dollar because then ill have a guilty conscious :/

25- one is dark blue, one is black! They are up to my knees as always :P

30- ive never really had candles as a big thing in my life but if i think my favorite would be cinnamon!! Or gingerbread! Those are always really gud smells to me

36- movies are hard to remember for me but!! I think one of the best ones ive seen so far was Swiss Army Man, and also i leiked star wars episode III, also episode VII and rogue one were really gud; rogue one was better than VII tho, i really leiked inception!!!

51- i uhhhhhhhhh,, hmm, i think when i was leik 8? I remember when i found out the toothfairy wasnt real tho when my mom walked across the room after i lost my tooth and i heard the change jingling in the envelope she was carrying

56- i always get confused the definitions of the words but i think rural? Leik living in the city would be cool but it only appeals to me in leik a kids surviving an urban distopia kind of way for the most part unless its just visiting, i dont think id mind it that much tho! Rural is best for me because i want to be close to nature even tho i dont go outside much :/ and i love rural areas when it snows because the snow stays untouched by all the dirt and stuff from cars and industry!!

64- hmmm depends,, either bbq sauce or ranch depending on the food! Or soy sauce!! Not as much tho

71- tea!!! I leik iced tea and hot tea sometimes makes me feel headachey if its not sweet enough? Im Hate Coffee its bitter and tastes awfule >:l

78- i sleep with my door closed! I leik the privacy even though i dont have a lock on my door and my dad just barges in whenever he wants but having the door closed whenever im in my room makes me feel more secure and private

79- ive never had any personal encounters with any but! As with other cryptids and mysterious happenings: I Want To Believe! Ghosts fit my aesthetic more but aliens fit my interests more i think

80- i think my biggest pet peeve is when people make me feel powerless? Leik if my friends will come over to my house and then do watever they want and make a mess and destroy the house and never clean any of it up or walk all over me and act leik they can do watever they want take watever they want without asking! And i try to tell them to stop and convey to them that im Fucking Pissed without harming our friendship/ruining the mood but they dont understand and just continue :/

82- i think my favorite ice cream flavor is! Red velvet! Butter pecan is gud too tho, and i think better than that is really really thick vanilla frozen yogurt or gelatto, vanilla ice cream sandwiches are better than all those tho!!

83- controversial but,,,,,, i dont leik oreos,,

84- sometimes i cant taste sprinkes? But rainbow sprinkles usually dont do it for me because they sometimes taste too much leik bubble gum, so chocolate!!

97- i leik milk chocolate the most!!! White chocolate is TooSweet and dark chocolate is TooBitter, my favorite chocolates are the ones with caramel inside or that have chili spice in them!!!! Spicy extra thicc hot chocolate is Really Gud Too i forgot its actual name tho

98- my favorite months are september (my birthday), october(halloween), and december(christmas and snow)!! And all of them have cool/cold weather!!

Thanks for askin! :3

#food/ #ollie #asks #4th ask ive gotten we on a roll today!!

[mellorad]

I came home on Friday to find a postcard one of my closest friends had sent me. I wasnt expecting it; and… it was the first time a friend had sent me a postcard, or a letter! For me, can you imagine? So that made me quite emotional and now I’m taking it with me in my graphic diary so that little ray of sunshine can motivate me. And… honestly, I’m almost counting down the days until I can hug her.

Yesterday, I reached out to my best friend from my hometown to ask if we could hang out… yknow, I was a bit insecure asking that because we had been together last week (which is stupid, I know) but gosh… we had the time of our lives, honestly.

We had dinner, went out for a walk and then settled down inside her car, since it was a pretty cold night. And… we talked. For hours. We talked about everything and anything, really; it was such an… intense?/and extremely deep conversation, in which we reflected (and gave each other advice/discussed) about friendships, relationships, sexuality, and how much we’ve changed over the years… asking ourselves what was the moment that broke us, what changed from then on, what did we learn and realize after that… yeah.

Honestly it was… liberating, and I feel like it was extremely necessary for the both of us. And, despite how tight we’ve been for the past 3 years, I did feel like this was the most important conversation we’ve ever had, and somehow managed to make us grow even closer. And..I’m infinitely glad we hung out; I really needed to be with her, because… gosh, she’s solidified her place as a pillar, a cornerstone of my life. Her presence is so soothing to me, and she does feel like home, and transmits stability. I’m… so happy to have her in my life, and I made sure to tell her, face to face, how much she means to me, how proud of her I am, and how I know I can always count on her.

And… heck man, my boyfriend is simply the best. Always ready to reassure me, always trying to make me feel better. I know I dont bring him up often here but gosh, guys… I love him to bits, and I dont know where I’d be without him. In the words of my best friend: “always so dedicated to you, for over seven years. Do you know how lucky you are? To have someone like him?”

Hhhhh and at school!! Mari is a comforting presence as usual, and its been great hanging out with her and knowing I have her support!

So yeah… I’m… I’m so thankful for all these people, for everything they are and everything they’ve done; gosh, they all care so much about me, and… I love them all, so much.

I must admit… and I bet it is the fact that its almost 3 am as I’m writing this down that makes me think this, when I know I shouldnt think like this, but… despite being so thankful, I do find myself wondering… what do all of them see in me that I… dont… that I cant see most of the time. I mean, I know… im trying to be the best person I can be, the best friend too, but… sometimes, all I see is…a mess. This insecure, verging on depressed mess, one constantly haunted by her own nagging self hatred and self destructive perfectionism that shouldn’t fucking exist, that I shouldnt let affect me. But… this sadness is all too familiar, and its harder than I admit to avoid those feelings.

So I… wonder how do these people see beyond that, and care about me, love me even, despite all of that. I want to understand it completely, and stop doubting and overthinking everything. So I really hope… one day, I’ll be able to look at myself and see what they see, look beyond this… this mess.

Sorry for writing down this last part but… I think I needed to do so. This train of thought is part of me, just like that thankfulness and appreciation.

#mello talks #i typed this on mobile and i really hope it shows up under a read more #///personal #positive stuff for the most part