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hellostarlight20 · 7 years

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I Fall in Love with You Every Day 3/5

Title from the Frank Sinatra song of the same name Nine/Rose Ten/Rose Regeneration, fluff, angst—oh the angst! happy ending Recognizable dialogue from appropriate episodes

For @natural–blues who wanted Nine x Rose in a committed relationship with full on confession of their love (no oh, you know rubbish) when Nine regenerated into Ten. Also Rose remembers Bad Wolf and feels as if she killed her Doctor. The following story follows canon only in the loosest sense.

AO3 and TSP, on Tumblr part 1 and part 2

He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed the inside of her wrist. Tears once more escaped her control and fell, unchecked. He—the Doctor—lifted his other hand and wiped her face, so tenderly, with so much caring, she cried harder.

“Doctor? What happened?”

“I told you,” he whispered and though it wasn’t his harsh, northern voice she heard the same notes in this newer accent. “I was dying. Didn’t want to go,” he admitted. “Didn’t want to leave you.”

He brought her hand to his face and closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. Rose stared. She’d—they’d been in this position so many times, with her cupping his cheek and the Doctor leaning into her. So many times in bed, them lying together, or on the couch watching telly. In the Console room, the galley, hiding from whomever chased them.

Her fingertips brushed his temple and he willingly opened for her.

“Doctor.” It was a gasp, a moan, a sob. It was hope. “Why?”

“Because you’re more precious to me than my life.” He opened his eyes and once more, the brown of them shocked Rose where she expected blue. “What do I always tell you, my Rose? I fall in love with you every day. I don’t say it because it’s sweet.”

“It is sweet.” She was openly crying now, torn between heartache and—and she didn’t know.

“You take that back.” She almost smiled at his typical comeback, the supposedly harsh words she knew belied the love he felt for her. She couldn’t make her lips form the grin, however. He brushed her tears away and kissed her forehead. “I say it because it’s true.”

“Can you change back?” she whispered, eyes roaming over his face.

“Oh.” He dropped her hand and frowned. “Do you want me to?”

The word slipped out before she realized. “Yeah.”

“Oh.” He stepped back, taking his telepathic love with him.

“Can you?” She already knew the answer. If he needed to change because he was dying he probably couldn’t un-die.

“No.” He looked away and that hurt almost as watching him change. Almost as much as her own words. “Do you want to leave?”

“What? Leave?” She repeated, shocked. “What? Oh…um…” she trailed off, confused. The last however long seemed a lifetime and she still had no real idea what happened. “Do you—do you want me to leave?”

“No!” He said it so quickly it reassured her. “But it’s your choice. If you want to go home…”

“Home?” She repeated, quite unsure how to do anything else. “I thought I was…”

“Cancel Barcelona,” he said as if he hadn’t heard her. “Change to London. The Powell Estate, ah, let’s say the 24th of December.” He tried to smile or tried to reassure her or tried to do something but Rose just—she just couldn’t. Didn’t understand and didn’t know what happened and just—she was lost. “Consider it a Christmas present.”

She edged closer, trying to figure out what happened to her world.

“There,” the Doctor said and didn’t sound one ounce proud of himself. Instead he looked lost. Scared. Upset.

The TARDIS shuddered as if She objected to the change in course, humming angrily in Rose’s head. The Doctor seemed to ignore Her.

“You’re bringing me—back? To London?” She shook her head, but the words refused to form. That wasn’t her home, he knew that. If he was her Doctor as he claimed, he had to know that. “You don’t…” the words trailed off into a throat-tightening whisper of a sob.

He met her gaze, even, cool, and yes. There it was. Her Doctor stared back at her in that uncertain look. As if he still, still didn’t know how much she loved him. Or…other him…or…Rose didn’t know. Didn’t understand it herself.

“Up to you,” he said nonchalantly. “Back to your mum. It’s all waiting. Fish and chips, sausage and mash, beans on toast.” He cut himself off then suddenly brightened. “No, Christmas! Turkey! Although, having met your mother nut loaf would be more appropriate.”

He’d said that before, too. Several humorously disparaging things about her mum. It was so familiar, so beloved, her lips quirked up. “What’d I say about making fun of Mum?”

“Was that a smile?” He ducked down and his grin widened. Not the manic, daft grin she loved, but a wide, happy smile that tugged at her heart.

“No.” Her smile widened.

“That was a smile,” he stated this time. “I know my Rose’s smile.”

“No,” she protested. Weakly. “It wasn’t.”

“You smiled.”

They were both grinning at each other now and it felt so natural, so right, Rose almost forgot she was looking at a new man. Almost forgot. “Oh, come on, all I did was change, and only physically at that! I didn’t—” He gasped, doubled over. The TARDIS shuddered as he did.

“Doctor?” She reached for him but didn’t touch him, still not sure. “Doctor, what’s wrong?”

“I said I didn’t—” He cut himself off again, gasping and clearly in pain. She tried to touch him, sometimes her touch helped, but he stumbled backward. “Rose, no! Stay back! The regeneration’s gone wrong. I can’t—I can’t stop.”

He looked up at her, broken eyes a painful plea. Rose reached out again, had to. Needed to—to touch him, help him, do something.

“Help me. Please. My Rose.”

Before Rose could agree, or not, a warning bell rang through the TARDIS. The ship shuddered and shook and it was unlike anything Rose had felt before. Even when they chased Jack’s space junk (there was something about Jack…) or crashed onto Nivray Beta.

“Doctor! Hold on!”

“Rose!” He reached for her but she couldn’t make her fingers release the console. “Help me.”

Rose had no idea how to do that. How to help him or how to help herself. Her Doctor had left her and in his place was a manic maniac who crashed his beloved ship and had the indecency to slip into a coma.

Damn man.

**** Rose stared down at the man. The Doctor. The Doctor, she wasn’t sure if he was hers. He had regained consciousness only long enough to help her. But wasn’t that what she’d whispered to him? Pleaded with him?

“Help me,” she’d begged.

And he had. Surely that meant he was her Doctor. Even unconscious he came to long enough to stop those killer robotic Santas.

“Want to tell me what happened?” Mickey asked.

“I did.” Rose didn’t look away from the new face.

“Rose, one minute we was opening that blasted ship of his and the next you were gone.” Mickey paused. “Do you know how long it’s been since then?”

Rose looked up, surprised. “I don’t even—” she shook her head and grimaced. “Sorry, Micks. I don’t remember a lot of what went on that day. For me it was yesterday. How long?” She only partly cared about the answer.

“Three months.”

Shocked, she blinked and sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“For three months we didn’t know if you was alive or dead. Jackie nearly went spare, but she never gave up.” Mickey lowered his voice and crouched next to her where she sat in the chair by the bed. “I know you love him.”

“I love the other him.” The words cracked like broken glass around her. “I don’t know this him.” Rose swallowed hard and fought back tears. She was so tired of crying. Of not knowing. Of mourning (something about his death, about the other him dying. Absorbing the Time Vortex and—and—)

“I’m sorry, Rose.” He rested his hand on her leg and Rose finally looked at him. “Get some rest.” He kissed her forehead. “I have a feeling those killer Santas aren’t done yet. I’ll go check the estate. See if anyone’s seen them again.”

Rose nodded but already looked back at the Doctor. She gingerly took his hand.

“You feel the same,” she admitted to his unconscious form. “Even though I see your hand is different, it feels the same in mine. Our fingers fit. Always have.”

She raised his hand to her cheek and cupped it on her skin. Closing her eyes, she sighed into his touch. His fingers curled into her cheek, brushing her temple. Or maybe that was her hopeful imagination. Rose couldn’t tell anymore.

“And I feel you.” She sniffed and swallowed hard but kept her voice low and steady. “I can feel you trying to reach for my mind. As if you know I’m here but can’t quite stretch far enough. Can you feel me, too?”

She couldn’t quite bring herself to call him Doctor. Not yet. Rose closed her eyes and concentrated as her Doctor taught her. Relaxing was out of the question, but she did her best. Opening herself to him, Rose stood in their telepathic grotto, surrounded by waterfalls and bright flowers, by heavy tree overhangs and by soaring birds calling to their mates.

“Come back to me.

Rose lowered his hand and kissed the palm. Once more his fingers curled into her touch, or she thought they did, and she swore he sighed her name. Curious, afraid, Rose bit her lip but she already moved onto the bed.

Kneeling over him, him in Howard’s pinstriped jimjams and flat on his back, her knees bracketing slim hips, she brushed her fingers over his temples.

Golden light blinded her. Melodic song drew her further in. She was on the TARDIS. They were in the console room. No, Rose was alone—not alone, only she and the TARDIS.

“Rose?” His new voice echoed over the blinding light. “Come back to me, my Rose.”

Her hands dropped. Rose sat straighter and tried to make sense of what she saw. Or felt. Or sensed. All she remembered was his voice, his new voice, calling for her.

“What the bleeding hell are you doing?”

Rose jerked, toppling over onto the other side of the bed and just barely stopping herself from falling onto the floor.

“Jesus, Mum.” She stood, heart hammering in her chest. Rose looked to the Doctor but he hadn’t so much as sighed.

“What do you think you’re doing on him like that, Rose?”

Embarrassed, Rose grabbed Jackie’s arm and dragged her out of the room and into the hall. She didn’t know why she bothered; clearly the—the Doctor couldn’t hear anything. But she didn’t want to wake him if he needed sleep and if he was—what? Faking it?

She was being ridiculous now.

“I was trying to see if I could find him,” she hissed. “His people are telepathic and I was hoping I could—”

What? What was she hoping to do? What had she even thought she could do? Rose slumped against the wall and slid down. Head in her heads, she pressed her fingertips against her eyes, hoping to stave off all of it. Tears, worry, grief.

“I don’t know.”

Jackie sat next to her and wrapped her arm around Rose’s shoulders. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.” She kissed the side of her head. “I know you loved him.”

Love. Loved. Love.

“Yeah.”

#ficandchips #Nine x Rose #ten x rose #regeneration #romance #drama #angst #natural--blues #This is for you!

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