#is visible which is frustrating because then im just a negative pos and i say things i shouldnt and i open up too much and i just

[that-one-violist]

not to be aha bad but

#personal #i think one of the worst things right now is the fact that the pieces fell together but in the worst way possible #i am so uncomfortable with myself for everything and i just hate being faced constantly that really all i have to do is just make the move #and ill never be anymore and there will be no more pain and i can just be done with a life that is so disillusioned and haphazard and #lost and exhausted with no real sense of direction outside of a career i cant picture myself actually being good at anymore and the only #thing that has stopped me is the people around me but now we've hit that critical point of realizing that even then in the grand scheme of #things im one person im one fleck of dust in the sand i am a fleeting moment and that if this fleeting moment were to fade away it would #suck for awhile and then what and then itd be fine even though it wouldnt be and i know that and for legal reasons this is a joke haha and #to be honest im not going to do anything because im so fucking scared of myself and ending my future oppurtunities and hurting everyone in #my life so like everythings fine but i dont know what to do because a tumblr #tag post is the best i can do other than just scream into oblivion because ive hit that point where my entire being is just vibrating with #emptiness and confusion and exhaustion and disgust and fear and feelings of being trapped and i dont know how to handle this without just #talking and going in circles and going no where but at least as long as its on something outside of my possession these thoughts i dont #have to address them because i dont know how and nothing feels real anymore and thats the critical point is when nothing feels real and i #just want and need to escape myself also because of how toxic i am handling this because im so fucking bad at just keeping it to myself and #i constantly need a feedback loop to confirm im not losing my fucking mind and that im not just making this up that my pain or whatever i #is visible which is frustrating because then im just a negative pos and i say things i shouldnt and i open up too much and i just #hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm #should i seek therapy? absolutely #am i going to do that? im unsure because i dont feel like i have the right to therapy and that all of this ive had coming and im feeling #these things for a reason of my own undoing.