#it can be unpleasant at times esp with something I don't want to hear (like metal scraping or someone screaming) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

50cal-fullauto-astarion · 5 months

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Hey Rags! Sorry, I just need to get this out of my system and ramble for a moment in your ask box. I just reread 'hot in Sarajevo' and I just have to tell you, how much I love the characterization of the woman in your fics. In the cod community, so many times the reader is described as cute, some sweet giggling angelic ray of sunshine (and don't get me started on all the size kink stuff...) and I can see the appeal of pairing these rough military dudes with their polar opposite, but... bro I really can't relate. ^^ I'm not cute. I'm not weak and fragile. I'm fucking 1,83m tall with a more serious bitch vibe and I'd rather die before you'll see me wearing something pink or cutesy. That's why I love Rivka so much for example! She's tough, she doesn't take anyones bullshit, but she's genuinely caring and she's a steady presence for König to rely on and hold onto when things are shitty. I can see myself so much more in her. I love to care for and pamper my man, be there for him in any situation, but I'm not your adorable little housewife...

And I hope you or anyone else won't take this as some kind of 'I'm not like the other girls' bullshit. All power to the cute and dainty ladies out there! But I just wanted to say, that I love the way you give the boys a tough and confident, but deeply caring partner in crime.

i'm so sorry for taking so long to answer this, but i've legitimately been gently holding it to my chest for the last couple of days reading and re-reading it with the BIGGEST fucking grin on my face. <3 <3

i promise, it doesn't at ALL come off as 'i'm not like other girls,' at least not to ME, bc i'm in the exact same boat, and i can't tell you how incandescent it makes me to hear that you feel a connection with rivka (who we all know is the reader i put in all of my konig fics lmao). and she, and all of my other oc's, are purposefully built they way they are bc i almost never see me when i'm reading, esp in this fandom.

like, i'm 5'7, i've got broad shoulders and hard features and big hands. i'm not small and dainty, i'm never going to be small and dainty, my bones simply won't allow it--too many generations of big men and hardy women and starvation-survival and lifetimes of working with hands went into my blood for me to be anything else. and my personality is anything but ingenue, i'm coarse and i'm loud and i can be outright cold or cruel when warranted.

i go into everything i write trying to satisfy my need to see what are considered 'unpleasant' main characters with their 'ugly' bits on full display, and the wish fulfillment of having these canon characters i love finding these sorts of physical and mental aspects not only acceptable, but borderline divine. and i am so so SO over the moon to hear that it hit those notes for you too, nonny!!! if nothing else, at the end of the day, i am writing for an audience of US, and i am so proud and pleased to do it if i accomplished my mission and it brings you the joy it brings me (((': <3 <;3 <3

#holler holler get $#i fr cried the first two times i read this thank you so much for sending this to me #it hit at exactly the right time while i've been considering which directions i want to take my writing and this is so fucking heartening

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fairycosmos · 1 year

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i’m in pain knowing my family, my mom mostly, loves me but they don’t like me. they don’t see me as anything important, they don’t care to know me, they don’t really care if i’m around or if i’m not, they’d only care if i finally killed myself and even then it breaks my heart to think about how they’d remember me. none of them have ever really had good things to say about me and i wonder if that’d change. i want to hope so, i’ve always hoped i was a good person and i feel like everyone else who’s loved me has reminded me i am, but my family never could. they never saw me that way and my mom hated who i was for as long as i can remember, even as a child. i have 4 siblings so it’s hard too because i know it’s not just who she is, it’s something about who i am, and i know her perception doesn’t define me but it never made it easier to live with that.

it’s been harder lately and yesterday she told me how unpleasant i am to live with, and she thinks i’m living here to make her miserable to make up for my miserable childhood (lol) so i left her alone, i didn’t see her the rest of the day but i just saw she went to the store and bought my favorite fruit )): things like that make it all harder to understand, and i feel guilty because i don’t feel like i deserve anything from anyone, despite knowing it’s not all my fault. i wish i could fix everything. life has seemed sadder than ever the past couple months.

+ i just sent an ask about my mom buying me my favorite fruit n it was just a vent but i kinda wanted your insight on that part of it, it seems like smth you’d understand?? only sending this one to let you know it was “important” (i know you say to do that if you miss it) just in the sense that i’m looking for someone to talk about it a bit i guess idk this is just word vomit now but i love youuu n thank you for reading bby hope you have a good day 💘

hi love, i'm really sorry you have to put up with this sort of thing from your own family. i know that living with this sort of dynamic from those closest to you, esp during your formative years, can genuinely fuck up your sense of self-wroth and your perception of what you deserve, and i don't want to minimize that by offering platitudes or easy solutions. but i did want to say that the way your family treats you is not a reflection of you, and they do not get to dictate whether or not you're a good person or whether or not you're loveable. obviously, it's completely natural to want to be truly seen and appreciated by them, and it's totally understandable that not having access to that bond is incredibly painful. it's an incredibly difficult thing to have to learn to live with, and it often makes adulthood even harder than it already is. but just because they're not able to be a healthy support system for you, doesn't mean you don't deserve one. doesn't mean you've done anything wrong. and it might feel like bullshit for a long time, trying to convince yourself of that, because maybe your self-esteem isn't the highest due to everything you've been through - but it's true. knowing that doesn't make it easier, but grounding yourself in that truth whenever you begin to spiral into self-hatred will keep you from drowning in it. and i'm not trying to diminish how hard this must be for you, because it is absolutely not fair that you've had to live your life feeling like your family wouldn't even care if they lost you - that is incredibly sad to hear, and i'm so sorry. it sounds like your mother has issues that stem back from before you were born, honestly, and the fact that she could raise one of her kids to feel that way is indicative of her emotional immaturity more than anything. i think the people who have loved you how you deserve to be loved were able to do that because you ARE a wonderful person who is worthy and deserving and good.

anyway, i know you wanted my thoughts on the second half of this, i just wanted to be honest with you ab this message. the bit about the fruit - i do understand that, a lot. i think a lot of people who have complex relationships with their mothers do, and that's what makes it all so hard. it would be much easier if we could just say we hate them and move on, wouldn't it? but there's so much between a parent and a child that makes it impossible to do that, in many cases at least. i think it's important to acknowledge that numerous things can be true at once while trying to process your feelings for her. it's true that she hasn't treated you very well, it's true that she cares for you and your wellbeing deeply (though not in a way that you may always understand, and not that that excuses any of the shit shes put you through), it's true that you don't feel like she appreciates you for who you are and you're mad at her for that, it's true that you crave recognition from her at the same time. these emotions might seem contradictory and confusing but they're all just a part of the nuance and of the complicated relationship you have with her. it's entirely possible to be grateful for the fruit and still acknowledge that you deserve better than this. which you do, and it's alright if you can't quite believe that right now, but i hope you get the chance to work on it w a professional at some point so you're able to start viewing the situation from a place of support for yourself, and not from a place of disdain. your brain is partially a product of how you were raised and so you can't always trust what it feeds you, you know? anyway, i'm sorry this got long and i'll quit rambling now, but yeah - i really do get this and you're truly not alone in it. if you ever need a friend or anything, give me a message. love u love angel and please take care of yourself. mwah x

#anon

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muzzleroars · 4 years

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So I've come up with a Akira Palace Concept where the 5 Akiras we have here on this blog play important cognition roles. Each of them represent a desire regarding his friends(Debonair being "Please don't leave me alone") and must smh be convinced to give up the part of the key they're guarding.Once combined, the key unlocks the room where the treasure and arguably the real Shadow!Akira is.(1/2)

aaaa i really love this ;o; all of the five akiras being linked to something that has to do with his friends is esp so good to me. erudite represents his need to have all the answers to their problems, lionhearted is his need to be the perfect leader for them, transcendent is his need to impress them and earn their admiration, angelic is his need to be their comfort and their safe haven, and debonair could definitely be his need to have them love him and accept him. and it seems like in order for the pts to be able to receive a key from any of them, they would sort of have to like...make that part of akira accept that he doesn’t need to perform for them. he doesn’t need to be the pinnacle of perfection at all times, he doesn’t need to constantly be everything to everyone - it’s ok if he doesn’t have the answer, it’s ok if he makes mistakes, it’s ok if he’s not always smooth and cool and clever, it’s ok if he can’t be a shoulder to cry on or a soft place to fall sometimes, and he absolutely doesn’t have to bend and shape his own personality, thoughts, and feelings around his friends, because they love him for who he is, not who he pretends to be. but because of how much pressure he’s put on himself and how he’s seen all of this work in real time - his friends responding more positively when he says what they want to hear, how they all praise him for being an amazing leader and a model thief, how he gets all their love and admiration from being perfect and right at all times, so it’s hard to break any of them out of their delusions. and no matter how much akira loves and trusts his friends in return, there’s too much doubt that if he were to be his true self with them, he could lose them...and that’s the only risk akira isn’t willing to take.

the idea of the environments is really cool too! angelic akira’s space would be so nice and pleasing, where he tends the flowers and always serves coffee to his guests - and he’s an expert at avoiding any uncomfortable or unpleasant conversation. erudite akira would probably have something like a university library (possibly with a cafe in it as a nod to the diner where he studies), and he can pretty much talk around anything he doesn’t want brought up. lionhearted akira’s would probably be based around the clinic...which would probably be terrifying sdfjsdfh he has the most straightforward way of avoiding conversation with them - he simply directs and controls the topic at hand. transcendent akira’s area is definitely, definitely based around iwai’s shop with possibly akira’s own little crafting corner in it (altho...batting cages is hilarious and extremely tempting). i think transcendent is the most likely to simply...shutdown if he doesn’t like what they’re trying to talk to him about. and finally, debonair akira has such good possibilities for a combo area - a bar, a maid cafe, and a bathhouse, all rolled into one. it’s just pure fun and relaxation, which is how he avoids them trying to open him up - constantly distracting them with something fun to do, always trying to be entertaining and sweet and a perfect friend. but i sort of think of the pts having to collect them all up so they can merge into being akira’s true shadow, a shadow far too overburdened with being infallible.

#THIS IS SUCH A GOOD CONCEPT ANON....#and just the idea of splintered shadow akira is so good to me #makes me a lot more interested in exploring his palace as an idea #and his shadow as one whole is esp hard to reason with #like you need to reunite all the parts but his true shadow is far more unstable #he is an INCH away from cracking under all this pressure #and he NEEDS to be left alone #p5 #akira kurusu #akira thots #Anonymous

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bullwrinkledmagnum · 4 years

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I scrolled through the article 3 times to reexamine the picture of the nails...

Abu tells me: it's there it wasn't a disappearing picture!

Then he tells me....: there was no pictures on the internet, it was in your head!

I remember when we went with Queen Elizabeth II

And she had told me we were gonna go watch them excavate coffins... No one else pays attention to a little old lady in a plane full of rambunctious boys. Except me.

So when we got there jesse tells me "hey you know everything, what's inside these?" And he got distracted by kids and had to yell turned back to me and said "huh whats these all about huh kid what? Tellll me!"

"Bones" and i walked away and he got to me and said "those are big bones"

I looked at the coffins and said "not really. They look to be normal size" cause the coffins were normal sized although tall but we were talking bones not fat which was all gone already...

So he was all bugging "so they're WHALE?!?!!?"

The Queen whisked by me giggling and I didn't know why...

Me: we're mammals! Think! What's wrong with you anyways?!!? You got too much airplane food?!?!

The Queen is in the corner hiding her mouth with her hand and just laughing and laughing do hard! She sounds like she's wheezing from the dirt and dust.

Jesse: is the quee ok?

Me: yes she's okay just a bit coughy. But there's noting wrong with her. Go on and look. [He starts towards the queen] at the box, dummy

Jesse: look i need to stsrt getting a little respect around here i aint her roayl highness majesty but i am an adul-- what?

Me: you really think the box is made of bone?

Jesse: yeah what? I do. You said --

Me: Then what kind?

Jesse: you said mammal so im guessing wooly mammoth

Me: DING!

Jesse turned away to kiss ass to the queen and i muttered "bat" under my breath but loud enough ...

Jesse: huh?

Me: no yeah you're right respect let's go into the next chamber.

So he goes to the Queen "do you know about these?!"

She nodded and tried to correct him But not "nooo" she told herself not to laugh

"Oh!! I made the best ancient discovery, yet!!"

I looked at him alk wtf are you talking about ass hole?!?!

"See these are all wooly mammoth coffins! Come look!"

"But Jesse excuse me! Jesse! Yoo hoo!"

"Huh"

"Jesse i thought all these caskets in these here tombs were all about rocks?"

Jesse looked at me

I shrugged palms up "Idk all the people left? Or maybe they were evil and had to have rocks piled on top of them!!" I ran towards the sunny door way because I don't make shit up, usually and the Queens smile was getting me to giggle and if she winked again id lose it.

Jessse: did you hear her? She was just repeating what i told her earlier. What im thinking here is all these are filled with Gold!! Because these people were the best and wanted to take all the gold with them! Here let's lift the lid off.

Queen: oh no! I don't mess with wooly mammoth bones. Human's only!!

Jesse: well, ill fond someone queen this will be amazing. I'll be right back. Keep an eye on the kids.

The queen stepped outdoors with me and we giggled ourselves silly until he returned.

He came out shortly and said he had help but the Queen said she needed help up the excavation laddar to get the boys and girls from the park and have lunch/supper.

He asked if he could continue with the coffins... She giggled.i told him she had said sure

So while upstairs picning in the grass... Alex, William and Jabar in the trees eating. William climbed down and said Jesse bad a wheel barrow

So i was sent to scout... It was empty.. So i returned to report the news

But William had seen it was full so he went around the corner, looked down and saw the ladder on the ground and the rocks piled down in.

Upon his report the Queen looked alarmed. I told her "don't worry. He told the kids a billion times how fragile everything is so he knows not to bother with to damage but also hes doing something stupid. Don't worry it will be fun. Always is"

The Queen decided to change from her usual dress and to put on slacks. Yes she ladders in heels and dress and hats and gloves and even a scarf from time to time.

"Think they're ready enough?"

"Oh you look nice. I like the blouse. I really like the polka dots. Come on boys. Youll need to drop the ladder for us ladies, shes old and privileged, I'm young and stout with a bad back. And come on jabar you can hold my hand like a good boy.... Or not" as he ran past us to tap William on the shoulder... But then he doubled back after telling William he was going to walk with me and the Queen.

At the pit as we called it we hollered for Jesse and we heard scrambling and rocks dropping and sounding like they were breaking.

"Like ice in a glass" said the Queen in a giggle

"JESSE! HEY GET YOUR ASS IN HERE! WE NEED HELP DOWN!"

"Yeah well we need the ladder!!"

"THERE AINT ONE!!"

Jesse looked pale

"Idk ask one of the kids. See if you can climb down" he caught me on his shoulder as i slid down the wall "you gotta see what i did kid i think i messed up... There was a body..."

I heard the Queen shouting i stopping to motion them to get the ladder and to climb down and ESP my twin not to jump

"You coming?"

"What? Yeah"

"So i took the body out and put all the rocks in here But they sure aren't gold. Why is your eye twinkling? Is it okay? I mean. I did good right?!?"

"Was it a real body?!?!"

"Yeah!! See! And i covered it with a tarp!".

"Let,me,see! Let me,at her!!"

He led me around the corner of the coffin and I lifted the tarp... I noticed it getting darker slowly from the doorway light then it was completely dark. I looked up. Everyone gathered in the doorway, shocking Jesse into a startle as he stood behind me rubbing my lower back. I dropped the tarp stepped back quietly, closed my eyes and bowed to the queen once to notify her the body looked undamaged.

She giggled... Jesse continued his speech and she couldn't help but burst out full blown hee haww

Jesse was all telling us how thrilling and masculine his discovery was and how if we left the room and went into the other chambers he would remove the rocks and put them in the wheelbarrow upstairs and discover a body completely undisturbed by the weight of the rocks!!

The boys eyes were in awe... The actors anyways... As we had all laid/sat in the grass telling the story of Jesse downstairs.

"But Jesse!! The rocks!! There's too many!! How on Earth did you get the lid off and so,many rocks appear? Did the lid break"

"They just popped up like popcorn! And the lid os here under this tarp safe and sound. See your majesty? Its perfect. We were very gentle. But this. This is magic!"

"Oh okay boys come on lets get through with the show" she was unpleased but tolerant.

"But Jesse you're like magic!! This! Look guys! Wait! I found a nail to the coffins! The Whale bone coffin!!"

2 boys had to laugh... And it started a train of giggles.

"I bet this one nail held this entire room of coffins together by itself!! And when you opened this one coffin! Just this one! It popped out! Amazing! Unbelievable!"

Everyone began to walk out..

"Thanks kid, know I love ya!"

"I know im appreciated!" I threw my arms ib the air and skipped to catch up with Everyone else.

I went into the next chamber which was filled with anger. We blew it out like dust and sat down and I said what i saw of the body and then we discussed theories and ideas of what the room we were in used to be. We discovered it used to be a home. And we were in the kitchen.

On the way home we of course had to wait for Jesse to load the last of the plane including his rocks that might turn to gold had said the Queen.

One of the protective squad mentioned how stupid and disappointing and annoying that Jesse James character is and how he almost ruined the entire tomb, disturbed a body, could have killed the Queen whom didn't want use the ladder, carried her on his shoulder, and on and on. So angry, bitter and adult like.

We all agreed and I looked around the plane, let out a great exhale of air and said "yeah and it was the best day ever!"

This man whom hadnt winked, snorted, giggled or even grinned the entire day snorted then suddenly he collapsed in his chair and began laughing, slow shoukder shaking at first then into insanity of hilarity. Then he bent around the back of his chair and said "thanks for being the best boss ever!!"

And for the first time in quite awhile, Ms Queen Elizabeth II blushed.

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amysubmits · 5 years

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I'm a sub and my boyfriend is a dom. In some aspects anyway... but there are some things I'd like him to take more control of, ie: rules, making sure I've eaten, taken meds, etc etc. But I'm so afraid of asking and don't entirely know how to ask for certain things or tell him what I want/like, esp in a ldr... I get too subby and feel bad for asking for things and sometimes feel if he wanted to do it he would and I don't want to be a bother... advice?😥

I can’t really tell if you mean that you are naturally submissive and he is naturally Dominant but you haven’t discussed intentionally creating a D/s dynamic yet? If so…

I personally think of being naturally Dominant as rather different from being “a Dom” or intentionally embracing a D/s dynamic. I didn’t always understand that though, and I had similar thoughts of ‘If he wanted to give me rules he would’ at one time. I largely think that is a misconception that is created from how we don’t often see how dynamics are created, we hear way more stories about how dynamics function once they were already established. Frankly, if he were to just place demands on you without discussing if you want or need those things, it wouldn’t involve your consent. So I think the only way to create intentional D/s is to talk about it and get explicit consent. I have a post on that:

https://amysubmits.tumblr.com/post/171764906942/erotica-consent

I’d also say…keep in mind that him not asking to take charge if you haven’t asked for D/s can be a lot of things other than just ‘he doesn’t want it’.

Maybe he feels like it’s a weakness or a problem that he desires control, so he intentionally resists it and tries to leave you space to do whatever you want.

Maybe he doesn’t fully even recognize that he enjoys being in charge, but once he tried it he would love how it feels. Sometimes people recognize their need for D/s or their natural submission or dominance pretty late in life. It can be there but the person may not even be aware of it.

Maybe he knows he wants to take more control, but he worries that you would think he was a bad person if he admitted it. There are a lot of bad stereotypes out there about Dominance, he may have to process through those insecurities before he can embrace being your Dominant. Maybe he doesn’t have a clue that you want those things from him, and just being told you do would dramatically change how he feels about embracing D/s.

Or if you mean that you have discussed D/s in a very general way, but you want to expand your dynamic to include more ‘stuff’, but you haven’t asked becuase you worry that would be pushing him into being your Dominant in a way that doesn’t appeal to him? Well, I don’t know that you could very successfully create a D/s dynamic if you aren’t both sharing some of the things that are the most important to you. It sounds like you don’t want to dictate ‘too much’ of the dynamic. I can understand that in the sense that I find more meaning in submitting to CD in the ways that he asks me to instead of the ways I’ve asked him to lead. But, I think if you don’t share your needs and at least your biggest and most important desires then you’re not enabling him to have the information that he needs to create a dynamic that serves your needs and his needs both. He can’t read your mind, and him not being able to read your mind doesn’t mean he isn’t interested in creating D/s in some of the ways that appeal to you. He may be just as interested as you are in some of those ways, but maybe he hasn’t started them due to not having a clue that you wanted them. I think ultimately, if you trust that he will defend his own boundaries and advocate for his own needs and wants, then it shouldn’t be a problem at all to let him know about your desires because if you want something that isn’t right for him, he’ll say no.

You suggesting something for your dynamic doesn’t mean that you are ‘taking over’ the creation of the dynamic. Especially something as general as ‘rules’. If you want rules, you can say that and he could still create specific rules that he likes, making it very much his thing and not something he created just to please you. That’s just one example of how he might take the info you give him but ‘make it his own’ so that your dynamic will work for him just as much as it works for you. I understand that root fear of “if I ask for too much I might accidentally take over and make the relationship all about me.” but with you being so careful about not being pushy I highly doubt you ever would find yourself in a place where you’ve accidentally dragged him into something he didn’t want. I struggled with (and sometimes still struggle with) this insecurity but CD tells me that I always worry about him being ME. Meaning, I worry that if I ask for something he’ll feel like he ‘should’ say yes and the reaso I worry that is because *I* have a hard time telling people no. When I stop and think about HIM, I remember that part of what I adore about him is how he isn’t afraid to tell me no. Not just within D/s but he is naturally a person who isn’t afraid to tell others ‘no’ if something isn’t right for him. So if I suggest something for our D/s that isn’t natural or ‘good’ feeling to him (and he knew it was a bad match, anyway) he would say no. If we both think something sound okay and we try it but it doesn’t work for one or the other of us, that is okay too. Some experimentation is required in order to fully understand what you both need within D/s, I think.

I think the feeling like a burden or like you are bothering him is often a worry that comes from submissives assuming our Dominants are different than they actually are. I know that for me, when I think about ‘wearing CD’s shoes’ it sounds unpleasant, so when I’m having a bad day or get depressed or something I can get in that mindset of feeling like I shouldn’t ‘bother’ him. But that’s my own brain judging me, not how he actually feels. I have a post on that too:

https://amysubmits.tumblr.com/post/159025945437/burden

I hope something in here helped. If I missed the mark on what your struggle is please feel free to send a new ask and I’ll try again. :)

#asks

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warmbeebosoftbeebo · 5 years

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Why don't you get your nose out of what other people are into kink wise?? Because even anal is uncomfortable and unpleasant for people and they would consider that violating and triggering. If you don't like the things someone says or posts then fuck off and unfollow instead of shame them for what they enjoy. Kink shaming is not cool dude. I'm sure there's plenty of people that hate anal and you wouldn't like being made to feel like a freak for liking it. Grow up.

oh, boy, buckle up.

i brought it up in a new post, not naming her or alluding to her post, because it is something seen so fucking often both in this fandom and on the internet generally. she also specifically said for him to squeeze his arm around her neck till she passes out. if she had said something like “i’d like him to stroke my neck while i hold my breath as long as i comfortably can and one or both of us plays with my pussy till i come” i would barely have cared, and it wouldn’t have gotten me back on my soap box again. she responded to my post in a reblog and i responded back. she initiated the conversation between us with that reblog. and i responded back, trying to explain my views clearly albeit longly, once.

men choking women is a common sexual act, a meme, and a threat online, and within this fandom. “if you don’t like it fuck off”? honestly, that’s telling women to leave the public square and go back to the kitchen and bedroom and laying back and thinking of england if they can’t handle “robust speech” or sexuality in media in public. i couldn’t be online or in this fandom if i couldn’t handle seeing it, or refused to see it.

here’s another link on the dangers of strangulation https://tonic.vice.com/en_us/article/jpnj5x/how-risky-is-it-to-be-choked-during-sex

this whole “anti kink shaming” thing is just.. if kink shaming is terribly wrong, then we literally cannot criticize anything ever, bc everything is “kinky” (a sexual turn on, a fetish) to someone somewhere. and this is an old joke, but what if your kink is kink shaming? thought we couldn’t criticize any kinks?

the reality is, almost everyone, at least those with any ethical discernment kink shames *something.* if they couldn’t find *anything* that was shrouded in “omg hot sexy stuff” objectionable, i’d honestly be scared of them, and would hope at least that victimized people would have to deal with them.

what about all sorts of dangerous things that are eroticized? i’m thinking specifically about purposely seeking out hiv (mostly men), unprotected pia, knowingly exposing another to a significant risk of contracting hiv (also men; women simply don’t pose the same risk both re “sexual” fluids other than blood and how it is contracted sexually, receptive pia being the highest risk, followed by receptive piv). re: you can talk about choking, being choked, say vaguely that you should do it safely, but not talk about WHY it’s dangerous, what stats are on injury and death, what can happen, etc is like saying you can talk about pia and condoms, but not hiv or other risks of injury from it. i didn’t focus on the danger/risk of pia in my initial post, but it is high, way higher than people think or want to believe. should we not be concerned with those who want to infect other people with hiv, and people who want to be infected or is that prudish, immature kink shaming?

i’m sure there’s things you kink shame. for example, let’s examine pseudo child pornography eg a 18-19 girl pretending to be and usually looking like a naive 14 years old or younger child, with a man in his 40s while they roleplay that he’s her father/stepfather/friend’s father/uncle/coach while he “introduces” her to sex, usually violently, with a focus on men “ruining” and “spoiling” “innocence.” is that fine and dandy? is a father with teenage or preteen daughters watching this and whacking off to it fine and dandy? considering the rates at which girls are abused by their mom’s boyfriends and husbands, what if a man living with a woman and her kids whacks off to this? what if he finds himself fantasizing about her 12 year old daughter?

how about necrophilia? what if a man can only get hard, turned on, come if the woman he’s with *pretends to be dead*? what if he strangles a woman “consensually” until she passes out, then either continues or starts to enter her with his penis? what if he tells women he can only be turned on if he inflicts enough violence on her that he could have killed her?

a few years ago, there was an rcmp cop in canada, jim brown, who was found to have a “kink” for the kidnapping, torture (including bondage and use of knives) and murder of women. he had porn of it, he looked for women to roleplay it, he posted porn he had made online, etc. one news story describes it thusly: “progresses from an apparent street scene of a woman walking past Brown sitting on a wall; he overpowers her; he hog-ties her, and he imprisons her in a cage.In one image, Mulgrew notes, Brown appears to be wearing only his regulation-issue Mountie boots and is aroused carrying a huge knife while the naked woman cringes in terror.” he also worked tangentially on the robert pickton case (a serial killer who murdered dozens of women, mostly indigenous and mostly in prostitution). was he a man who should work on such a case? should he be a cop hearing women’s stories of male sexualized violence? should he be looking at photographic and other evidence of rape, torture, kidnapping?

to get more obviously back on topic, strangulation is the third leading cause of male-induced/violent death for women, second only to murder with knives and guns. strangulation is the second biggest red flag for lethal male violence, second only to him threatening you with death. imagine if we eroticized other leading causes of death for other groups of people: shooting someone during sex, stabbing them in the torso, etc. carefully and safely, of course. how about complications during pregnancy and birth in teen girls? that’s the number one killer of girls 15-19 worldwide. why not turn that into something sexy too? car accidents are also a common cause of death. let’s sex that up too. heart disease and cancer are big killers too. lets look at the leading cause of violent death for young black men: homicide. for black boys, it’s unintentional injury. why not eroticize what leads to their deaths too?

interestingly, the “rough sex gone wrong” defense came to the public’s attention in another strangulation murder case https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/08/nyregion/consent-sexual-assault-rough-sex.html

and here’s a recent case, a rare one in that the man seems genuine in his remorse because he quickly confessed, of a young man strangling a young woman to death in seconds. she also had an interest in it and sought it out. she died anyway. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5492075/Killer-strangled-woman-death-sex.html “the pair had a ‘shared interest’ in ‘erotic asphyxiation’ …Chloe had died in 'seconds’ after he had seized her neck during sex.”

the ads i linked to featuring men strangling women: what do you think of those? how do you feel about how it’s portrayed in pornography? is opposing those kink shaming too, because lots of people, esp men, get off on it, and the men who make that porn generally want to make such pornography and usually have a lot of hatred for women. same with those who make the ads. they find it arousing.

it boggles my mind on how things that people would get raked over the coals for if they presented as humorous, gets a free pass because some guy somewhere gets an erection from it. like that rcmp cop? can you imagine if he was telling jokes like that in a comedy club? what the same people who defended him would be saying instead? but seek out vulnerable women when you’re a white male police officer, “roleplay” with them, make porn of it n post it online n you’re the bdsm martyr of the year, cruelly punished for your private life by prudish busybodies who need to mind their own business and keep their noses out of people’s bedrooms. there’s that public vs private divide. anything sexual is private, even when public, and you cannot criticize the private. rape jokes are bad, terrible, trivialize rape and sexual trauma and misogyny, but rape play is hot as fuck. you can humor shame and speech shame but don’t dare kink shame.

now onto why i referenced anal stimulation and entry, inc pia. i did so precisely bc most females experience of it with males is rape, painful, unwanted, etc. the more it happens, the more likely it is to be rape. the increase in college age people engaging in pia is treated like a big catcally joke and proof of sexual liberation and how awesome porn is and how it’s hot sex, but it is almost universally rape for young women and girls. strangulation and choking of women is seen similarly, and women and girls are expected to eroticize, engage in, and tolerate both. i brought it up precisely bc i like anal stimulation (as outlined in that post, excluding pia) but recognize that it is profoundly harmful in how it is practiced especially for girls growing up and young women, as well as women generally. if i was glib with anal entry of women (with a penis or something smaller) in my fic or posting about what i want to do with b, i’d want people to pull me up on it. it would be contributing to this coercive, painful sexual environment women and girls are in where they don’t want it and find it painful even though they are told they should, sex should be painful for women, women are a collection of openings for male use, etc. i purposely reign myself in and keep it to myself most of the time because of this.

you cannot read panic fic, surf tumblr, etc without certain “kinks” namely strangulation (and to a lesser extent choking), and daddy kink and dd/lg smacking you in the face. similarly, if i smacked someone in the face with how i depicted anal entry of women with men, i’d hope they’d rebel against it, tell me about it, etc. by all means, kink shame away. someone engaging critically with what i post doesn’t make me fucking melt or shivel up, literally or figuratively, and if you (general you, including me) post something publicly, we can expect reaction to it, esp if it’s not a direct confrontation but a “i’ve noticed this happening on tumblr/in fic/etc…” i’d say letting undue critique roll off one’s back, or engaging back n forth as two people wish to, is growing up. and hon, i’ve felt like a freak sexually, but not for that interestingly, but for my interest in tribadism and outercourse. not severely, but it was and sometimes still is there.

#strangulation

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