#it'd probably be a shallow and toxic relationship

[astrababyy]

The mating bond is trash. You’d have think that with true mates they’d have some similar interests besides like very bare minimum. But then again Rhysand said so himself, it’s just putting the two physically fit matches to create better and stronger fae. What if Feyre never got all the abilities she got???? Would she still be the best mate choice for Rhys? Some eugenics shit SJM writes and it doesn’t help that she is a white lady. Ick

you're so right anon the mating bond is SO BAD

like??? it's so questionable lmao. think about it too hard, and it really does read like magical eugenics. the two main mating bonds we have from this series (nessian and feysand) have both proven to be incredibly toxic relationships, and the men in these relationships probably never would've given af about the women in them without that bond leading them around.

the thing that probably bothers me the most about these bonds in particular is that there's like this innate attraction to it on the men's end so it ends up being really icky like idk man. it's fucking gross how these things are created lmao.

it is JUST survival of the fittest, and the fae fall for it hook line and sinker 😞

the entire thing with the fae just reeks of eugenics and who’s better bullshit. you can just tell from how it’s worded, yk?

and the way the mating bonds are portrayed doesn’t help matters. out of every example we have in the acotar universe, there is all of ONE healthy, official relationship between mates — and even then, vivienne and kallias barely count since we know like nothing about them lmao. every other example — feysand, tamlin’s parents, rhysand’s parents, nessian, etc. — are all terrible, particularly to the women involved. even a lot of the theory mating pairs are toxic asf lmao, like even the fandom has the unconscious realization that these bonds tend not to be healthy.

it’s just… *waves hands maniacally* bad, anon. that’s all i can really say abt it. it’s such an icky thing to think about, really. imagine forcing two random strangers into such a bond, and then artificially crafting a near-obsessive attraction on the male’s side. and for what? for some shallow wish fulfillment? yk what, there’s nothing wrong with a wish fulfillment book, but please market said book as such instead of being the holier-than-thou gospel of modern feminism. i mean, ffs.

if y'all ever wanna read how bad i am at answering asks, just check out the first draft of this response 🙃

yeah, that was such an icky line to put in the books — "sometimes the bond is just shoving together the ones that'd make the best offspring". like??

okay, in fairness, a dichotomy of a near-sentient magic with a mindset of survival of the fitness facing off against a faerie society that's evolved past that could be so interesting. but that's a convo for another day.

There's definitely this underlying level of gross implications to it. You'd think it'd be like the people who can help each other become the best versions of themselves. and maybe that could tie into fate and how these mating bonds significantly impact the lives of these pairs and how they later go on to impact the world as a whole. that'd be interesting. if the mating bonds were rare and considered to be like an omen promising great change. actually, wait, that's cool. i like that idea lmao.

i'm getting so side-tracked in this ask im sorry anon lol.

ANYWAY, since it's NOT that, instead it's based off, like you said, what is essentially magical eugenics. there's actually something so dystopian about it. like, even rhysand who is the most powerful high lord is the son of a mated pair. the fact that faeries aren't discriminated based on whether they're a child of a mated pair or not, with the comment rhysand made in mind, is pretty interesting. (it's also probably just a side effect of poor worldbuilding but yk).

going back to what you said about what'd happen if feyre hadn't gotten the high lord powers. i think, if we go in universe and try to make sense of it, it depends on the way the mating bonds work and how much sway they have over fate, etc. if feyre didn't get those powers, would the mating bond use other methods to make her powerful enough to be "worthy" of ending up with rhys? because the bond's already snapped in place at this point lmao so what then? is a genuine concern.

#this is why nobody sends me asks lmao #i can never get my thoughts in order enough to respond logically #anti sjm #anti feysand #anti nessian #astrababyy #sjm critical #astrababyy asks

[prettyboykatsuki]

sae has weirdly been my fav blorbo for a long time but when considering his type I've come to realise that he probably wouldn't be into nerdy or not conventionally pretty girls. + I don't think that sae is the type to commit at all like. he's just there to fuck around and then leave and if anything the fb trope would be more fitting for his character (imo). and everytime I read fluff about him it's just so ooc to me I can't help it 😭 I mean he does have a lot of toxic traits and could be considered 'a horrible person' but yea idk you always have this deep analysis of characters I was wonder what you'd think about sae and this topic specifically haha hope I didn't bother

i disagree with this characterization of him for a lot of reason

i don't pay a lot of attention to what the fanon interpretation of sae is and im sure this aligns with his image but i dont personally think that this assessment of his character makes a lot of sense. i do understand where it comes from though !!!

i believe that a lot of this miscommunication of his characterization stems from his relationship to rin, but i've broken that down as to why i don't think sae hates rin. in fact in his own way i think he views his own harsh behavior as a way to shield rin from reality (though it had the opposite of his intended affect) i also don't believe that sae is a vapid or shallow player off-field, and that's largely in contrast to his personality before he left for spain and after.

sae is always viewed to be cold, blunt, and serious but he is also deeply affectionate of rin in their adolescence. his major change happens while we're overseas and while we don't know yet what happened specifically - it's clear to me that something borderline traumatic happened. this type of change of character through rigorous training happens to kunigami through the wildcard system and this type of betrayal that leads to betterment is a theme in bluelock as well (i.e. nagireo)

im of the belief that saes arrogance and crass way of speaking developed largely as a defense mechanism as his goal of being a striker was shattered through playing in spain. in the same way kunigami views being a "hero" through soccer as a stupid ideal post wildcard.

sae is a normal guy outside of soccer. he even says that one of his major flaws is that he's pretty clueless about everything other than soccer. his least favorite food is fries, not because he hates the taste but because he can't have them because of his nutrition restrictions. his 'fetish' is ass because he thinks it can show what kind of an athlete someone is. all somewhat silly and ultimately regular things

all that being said - i don't think sae is a shallow person. i think he thinks very deeply and logically about a lot of things and he is indefinitely arrogant, but not shallow which is why i think it wouldn't make sense for him to judge on appearance. it'd be more accurate to assume that he's sort of dense and doesn't pay attention to people who aren't in his immediate circle. the assumption that he would make judgements on your appearance if you're just a regular joe-schmo doesn't quite connect to me. he's not insecure enough to do that.

on the issue of commitment - my only opinion is that sae is a character who values independence of sense of individualism in his partners. anyone with a strong sense of self is someone he is drawn to. this is why he likes isagi and shidou and often reprimands rin because he lacks a sense of selfhood and self confidence. rin only realizes that post the u20 match.

my point being that i think sae can and will commit to somebody but there's a lot more factors for a character like him that others like isagi or chigiri or kunigami who are naturally emotionally in tune with you.

sae isn't and will never be a 'romantic' person in the traditional sense to me but i don't think it means he's incapable of love or commitment. he has a hard time communicating verbally and saying things to your face but he remembers everything you said from your last conversation and pay attention to your hobbies. if you argue, you'll always find a vase of flowers in your kitchen with a note but you always have to call first. he's not Good about the emotional aspect because even if he puts in a lot of effort - it's never going to come naturally to him

BUT that also means if you're able to meet him half-way he's a committed and decent lover to you. he tries really hard to be and it takes some patience because he's sometimes too logical and hurts your feelings but he's there where it matters etc.

this is an essay SORRY KFDHJKSD. ive spent a lot of time thinking about him and giving him depth. and im not defending him necessarily because he is a massive douchebag for a lot of your early relationship. just not for shallow or petty reasons. simply bad at coping with his emotions and expressing himself because he's very prideful

#return to sender #bluelock meta #characterization tag #he is definitely chill w FWB set ups but its mostly bc of his career imo #he just like. from the bottom of his heart cannot be like lovey-dovey to your face #he'll call you like my love but only after ur in deep slumber and the words are between him and god ALONE #he thinks you're very beautiful but he says u look Okay (he saves every picture of you but only lets himself look when he's alone) #his contact is just your name in his phone (he has all the information filled out but only for yours) etc etc #he has a difficult time acting spoiled but never ever says no to your affection Ever even as a joke etc #bluelock manga spoilers

[neochatarra]

8 Untold Signs Of Narcissist People

Sometimes the signs of narcissism aren't so obvious and narcissists fly under our radar. Not every narcissist may be a puffed-up addict or a Mean Girl like Regina George. If they were, we could see the signs from a mile away and steer clear. No, many narcissists are sensitive, thoughtful, and generous – until the charade wears off, of course.

That's why it's so important to know the subtle signs of narcissism that you simply won't notice until it's too late and they've sucked you into their region.

What's the Difference Between an Overt and Covert Narcissist?

Many people tend to consider narcissists as having extroverted personalities. They're flamboyant and demand to be the middle of attention – how are you able to miss them?

The truth is, introverts also can be narcissists. These are those who fool us into their web of manipulation.

"They're not self-absorbed – they're just sensitive!"

"They're not a nasty friend – they're just misunderstood!"

After forming a relationship with a covert narcissist, you realize that this sensitivity and isolation were, in fact, signs of narcissism. Since the signs weren't so obvious, however, you completely misjudged things.

8 Signs of Narcissism You Can't-Miss

Since the covert narcissist is best at hiding their abusive behavior, it's important to know the subtle cues that give them away.

1. They'll Never Utter the Phrase "I Don't Know"

I once knew a narcissist who was so averse to the present phrase that he would rather give someone dangerously incorrect answers than admit to not knowing something. He was confident in his woefully wrong answers, too.

Why do this?

Answering an issue with "I don't know" deprives the narcissist of important attention. The person seeking a solution will simply advance to somebody else who might help them. That's an enormous ego hit.

That's why you'll often find narcissists rambling on about topics they need no business speaking on.

2. They Are A Nasty Friend

The narcissist is usually a nasty friend but you'll typically find them playing the victim. confirm to urge all sides of the story if you're unsure.

What are some red flag signs of narcissism that indicate the suspect may be a narcissist?

• They get irritated when their friends invite help or advice.

• They don't bother to call or text their friends on birthdays or holidays.

• They don't return borrowed items. (A sign of entitlement.)

• They owe their friends money. they'll downplay this as "not an enormous deal."

• They embarrass their friends ahead of others.

• They hunt down or entertain their friends' partners or love interests.

They also treat waitstaff or service workers poorly. This is a dead giveaway. run the hills. Anyone who disrespects waitstaff or service workers views people as "beneath" them. Soon, you'll be a part of the inferiors also.

3. They Need To Insert Themselves Into Every Story

A covert narcissist might not demand everyone's attention. They will, however, still find how to form everything about them. an outsized part of this strategy involves inserting themselves into every story.

Is a coworker talking about their experience with homelessness? The narcissist, too, features a story about being poor.

Is a lover talking about his amazing trip to Vietnam? The narcissist also had a friend who visited Vietnam. And guess what? She heard it wasn't so great.

No matter the subject, the narcissist features a remarkable skill for turning the eye their way – regardless of how innocuous it'd seem.

4. They're Sensitive

At first, you'll appreciate their ability to freely express emotions. this is often an excellent tactic narcissists use to lure empathetic people into their trap.

Maybe a fast-food worker got their order wrong and therefore the narcissist hasn't shut up about it all day. Maybe their boss asked them to prevent playing on their phone such a lot and now the narcissist is crying about it over dinner.

As time goes on, you'll realize that the narcissist isn't vulnerable and sensitive: their fragile ego can't handle honest mistakes and valid criticism. To the narcissist, these are personal attacks.

5. They Form Relationships Based On What Someone Can "Do for Them"

If you're at a celebration and therefore the suspected narcissist suggests you ask someone because they will help together with your career or financial situation, don't ignore it. They aren't trying to assist you: they're letting you in on their game.

Narcissists tend to make shallow friendships that supported what people can do for them. You'll often find narcissists make friends with horribly toxic people simply because these folks have money, own bars, or offers career opportunities.

6. Their Stories Don't Match Reality

Both the overt and covert narcissist has an inflated sense of self. The thing is, they believe their lies. As a result, you'll often find they recall stories much differently than the situations played out.

If you notice that the suspect constantly reframes stories to form themselves the hero or victim, retreat fast – this is often one among the various signs of narcissism. By changing the story to suit their narrative, the narcissist is gaslighting everyone else involved.

It's not cute or funny to constantly need to correct them. Sooner or later, they'll start gaslighting you, too.

7. They Observe and Judge

"There's no way she will be a narcissist. When we're out with friends, she barely says ten words!"

I hear it all the time. By sitting back and observing everyone, however, the covert narcissist is silently taking notes and judging. I'm sure you heard all about her observations on the car ride home.

The narcissist must feel superior to everyone around them. this is often easy to try to do once you don't open your mouth to interact in conversation and instead sit back to require notes about everyone's shortcomings.

8. They Only Hear Bits and Pieces of Your Stories

Does it desire the suspected narcissist just isn't. listening? They're probably not. And if they're, they don't care.

Maybe you spent ten minutes venting to your mother about how you didn't get that promotion at work because you showed up late one solitary time with a legitimate reason. How did she respond? "Well, maybe you'll remember to point out up on time from now on."

You can't be the victim. Only the narcissist is often the victim.

You see this ton with narcissist parents or partners who listen only enough to toss stuff back in your face later.

How to Turn the Tables on a Narcissist?

Perhaps you've gone on a couple of dates with someone or a replacement coworker joined your team. you think they'll be a narcissist but you aren't entirely sure.

After all, the covert narcissist is especially cunning at hiding the more obvious signs of narcissism. Here's the way to turn the tables on a narcissist and obtain them to show themselves.

• Play along. Don't give the suspected narcissist room to regulate their manipulation tactics – play stupid and pretend you completely believe them. Use this chance to document their behavior.

• Remain indifferent. If you want to continue handling an overt or covert narcissist for reasons out of your control, act indifferent to their behavior. The narcissist wants to use your emotions against you. If you don't give them anything to figure with, they'll seek their fix elsewhere.

• Find Support: this might only include one or two people you trust. open up to someone who will validate and believe you.

At the top of the day, the sole thanks to truly turn the tables on a narcissist are to chop them off completely. If that they had any real intentions of adjusting, they might have done so already.

The narcissist won't suddenly see things your way. If they ever do, it's – a) for a fleeting moment and b) to use against you later. Don't believe the conflicting information you would possibly see from other websites or therapists – the narcissist will never change.

With a mental disease, a chemical imbalance within the brain may cause different disturbances that manifest as depression, anxiety, and lots of others. Although complex, mental illnesses tend to reply well to medication because it targets the physical root of the problem: like a chemical imbalance. Though it's been determined that a lot of mental illnesses like depression and anxiety are frequently caused by unresolved emotional trauma, often dating as far back as childhood.

Personality disorders occur due to a repetitive stimuli-reward environment. At some point in their life, the narcissist realized they might elicit specific reactions and emotions from people – and it felt good and helped them achieve their self-fulfilling agendas.

Anything but cutting them out of your life will offer you a mental and emotional breakdown.

No Contact is that the Only Way to Packing Up A Narcissist

Many narcissists have always been this manner – whilst far back as their teenage or childhood years. If you're handling a narcissist, you can't and will not expect them to vary their behavior now or ever.

Treatment for personality disorders often involves things like cognitive behavioral therapy. In many cases, a narcissist can also suffer from other mental illnesses like depression or substance use disorder. (You've probably heard extensively about these problems, too, when the narcissist needs your sympathy or someone responsible .)

ىDespite this, there's little evidence to suggest therapy works for narcissists as personality disorders are notoriously difficult to treat. the primary step to getting assistance is to admit a drag exists – the narcissist will never believe they need or are a drag.

No Contact is that the only option.

Trust in yourself and your network. Because once you get to the opposite side and stick with No Contact, you'll be amazed by all the amazing belongings you can accomplish.

#narcissitic #narcissist #covert narcissism #narcissismawareness #narcissus